A/N: Thank you for all the great reviews. I understand some of you may not be into the rated M stuff, so thanks for sticking with me. As usual, I woke up this morning and I am still not Shonda, so, none of the characters, familiar lines, or references to canon are mine.
"Okay, stop. Stop, I can't…God I can't take anymore." Arizona panted out between heaving breaths. She was hot and sweaty; her body was sore and achy from their night of lovemaking, in short, she was exhausted. Glancing sideways at her girlfriend, she thought she'd see disappointment, but she was pretty certain the look on her face was pure unadulterated relief. Callie threw her head back sucking in as much oxygen as she could and silently thanked the powers that be that her girlfriend wanted to stop. Her lungs were burning, her muscles aching in all the right places, and her legs felt like jelly. It's not that she was out of shape, quite the opposite really, she had a regular exercise routine, one she rarely veered from. But the type of exercise she and Arizona had been getting the last couple days used an entirely different set of muscles that she hadn't used in quite some time. Add to that the fact that except for their little excursion the day before, they'd barely stopped fucking like bunnies long enough to sleep. Finally catching her breath, Callie bent over and rested her hands on her knees as she looked up and asked, "Tell me again whose bright idea it was to take a morning run?" Arizona stretched her arms over her head, groaning as her back cracked and popped then replied, "I think that was a mutual decision, though right now, I am questioning the sensibility of it." It had actually been the result of a conversation they had while recovering from a particularly intense orgasm as they were admiring each other's bodies. They had both noted the physical changes in the other, which led to a conversation about their regular schedules, diets, and daily habits. Recognizing that starting Monday, Callie would be returning to work and Arizona would be focusing on getting the center off the ground, they decided to try to start to build a new normal, merge their lives once again. Agreeing that their exercise routines were similar, they decided to combine their work-outs so they could both support each other and spend some time alone together doing something they enjoyed. For some reason, they also decided no time like the present. So, after sharing a shower and a light breakfast of fruit and yogurt, they found themselves walking to the local park for their run. A run which was cut short due to their complete and utter exhaustion.
As they walked over to the bench where they left their belongings, Callie grumbled, "I blame the sex induced oxytocin." Laughing at her cranky girlfriend, Arizona reached in their bag and pulled out two water bottles and handed one to Callie. Taking a long drink, she answered, "Well, there has definitely been plenty of that." Grabbing a towel from the bag, she sidled up next to Callie and wiped the brunette's face and neck as she added, "Besides, the sooner we get into a routine, the sooner we get settled into our new life together." Callie smiled brightly, took the towel from Arizona, and returned the favor wiping her down, lingering on the bare skin of her chest that was revealed by the tank top she was wearing. Bending down to brush their lips together, Callie agreed, "Well there is that." Wrapping the towel around her own neck, Callie took a drink of her water and nearly choked as she looked over to see Arizona stretching out her back and legs. She was bent over touching her feet, the small tank top rising enough to show a patch of bare skin on her lower back, ass in the air, running shorts rising up the backs of her legs to a length that was barely suitable for public. God, how could she want this woman again so soon? Hearing the strangled cough behind her, Arizona stood up and noticed the look on Callie's face, her eyes were beginning to darken, her jaw was clenched and the veins in her neck had popped out ever so slightly. Smirking, she asked, "Is there a problem Torres?" Callie stepped up behind her and wrapped her arms around Arizona's waist pulling her close as she whispered, "I'm just trying to decide if working out together is going to be a blessing or a curse. How can I want you so much? What are you doing to me?" Arizona placed her hands on Callie's linking their fingers, leaned her head back to rest on her shoulder and responded, "The same thing you do to me just by being near me." She closed her eyes and allowed herself to enjoy the closeness for just a bit longer before turning and wrapping her arms around Callie's neck and saying, "What do you say we go home, take a dip in the pool, then take a little nap?" Callie leaned down and stole a quick kiss before saying, "That sounds like an amazing idea."
Arizona stepped out of her embrace and turned to collect their things, looking over her shoulder she winked and teased, "Besides, you have a hot date tonight and I have it on good authority you are going to need all the energy you can get." Callie reached out and took the bag from Arizona and threw it over her shoulder as she asked, "Is that right?" Arizona linked their arms together and answered simply, "Yup!" making sure to pop the 'p' at the end. As they walked toward the park entrance, Callie looked down and realized for the first time that Arizona hadn't put on her running blade for their run. They had run about a mile and a half at a pretty good pace before they stopped. She wondered if that was the reason Arizona needed to stop. Looking down again, she didn't see a limp or any sign of redness. Biting her lower lip, she decided to just ask, "How are you feeling?" Confused by the question, Arizona furrowed her brow and answered, "I'm fine. Why? Are you feeling sick? Is something wrong? Did you get overheated?" She pulled them to a stop and felt Callie's cheeks and forehead. Callie smiled softly at the concern and reached up to take Arizona's hands as she explained, "No, I'm fine. It's just, ah, I just noticed you didn't use your running blade and I was wondering…" "Oh…OH!" Arizona realized she hadn't even thought about switching to her running blade, she giggled then lifted her left leg and stretched it out in front of her as she said, "It's fine, good, great…I didn't even…wow! Yeah, no, it feels really good." Callie smiled her megawatt smile and asked, "So you didn't have to stop because you were in pain?" Arizona blushed then and answered, "Not from that no. The pain I'm feeling is from using muscles I haven't used in a looooong time." Callie nodded in understanding; she could certainly relate to that. Linking their arms once again, they continued to walk through the park.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Arizona's words finally caught up to Callie and she stopped once again and asked, "How long?" Arizona was waiting for that question, she actually expected it as soon as she made the comment. Tilting her head, Arizona studied Callie's face and once she saw there was no judgement, just basic interest, she responded, "Ummm, I'm not sure exactly, before Sofia came home." Callie furrowed her brow in confusion, surely Arizona didn't mean since Sofia went to Seattle, that was nearly a year ago, but she only came home a week ago, so that didn't make sense either, so she asked carefully, "Came home where?" Arizona studied her face and responded, "Since she came to stay with me in Seattle." Finally understanding, Callie's jaw dropped, and she blurted, "That was almost a year ago Arizona!" If this weren't such a touchy subject for her, if it weren't on public record that Callie and her lawyers thought she was a slut, Arizona would find Callie's reaction almost comical. But it was a touchy subject, it was on public record, and the astonishment written all over Callie's face put her hackles up. With just a little too much bite behind her words she asked, "What? Is that so hard for you to believe Callie? That I couldn't go without sex for that long?" She then pushed past Callie and started walking toward the front of the park again.
Callie stood frozen; she had no idea what the hell just happened. It wasn't until Arizona's words caught up with her that she realized how her girlfriend interpreted her reaction. Tears immediately stung the backs of her eyes, a lump formed in her throat, and she was scared to death she just fucked everything up. Clearly that pain was still there, all the hurtful things she said in their arguments, the things she let her lawyers say, she didn't know how to fix it, how to make it right. When she realized Arizona was trying to walk away, she knew she had to try, she couldn't let this get bad, she wouldn't let her girlfriend stew over this. Reaching out on impulse, Callie placed her hand on her shoulder and pleaded, "Arizona wait." Arizona stopped and glared at the hand on her shoulder, wanting nothing more than to brush it off and walk away from this conversation. She raised her hand to do just that when she realized Callie's hand was shaking and when she looked up into dark brown eyes, they were swimming with unshed tears and shining with regret. Sighing, she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. The person who did those mean things and let those horrible words be said about her was the old Callie, the angry Callie, the hurt Callie, the scared Callie. This, this wasn't the same person. She had apologized, voiced her regret. Turning back to face her girlfriend, Arizona stood perfectly still, body tense, face void of expression. She would hear Callie out, she promised not to run, not to let these little things become big things by avoiding them.
Taking a deep breath, Callie cleared the lump from her throat and tried to explain, "Yes, Arizona, it surprises me that you haven't had sex in almost a year. But only…" Arizona huffed cutting her off. Holding her hand up almost in surrender, Callie continued, "But only because you are beautiful and hot and sexy…and…and you were seeing someone. I just…that's all, not because…you just…I just thought you had a girlfriend at some point in the last year. I didn't mean anything else; I swear. I would never hurt you like that again, please Arizona, you have to believe me." Arizona looked into watery brown eyes and for the first time recognized the fear, heard the quiver in the quiet voice, felt the tremor in the usually steady hand, believed the sincerity and truth behind the heartfelt words and instantly deflated. Seeing the wary expression on her girlfriend's face, Arizona realized the thought of her being with multiple women or not being able to go without sex for an extended period of time never crossed Callie's mind. It was just as simple as she said it was. Feeling like a complete ass, Arizona stepped up and brushed the tears from soft tan cheeks as she said, "I'm sorry Calliope. I am so so sorry I got upset and instantly went on the defensive." Shaking her head, Callie said, "No, I'm sorry, I…" Arizona shook her head and cut in, "No, you don't get to apologize for this. You did absolutely nothing wrong and you haven't said or done anything to lead me to believe you still felt that way. You already apologized and I accept your apology, I just…" "It still hurts, I know, I see that now. I won't keep apologizing okay? Just…please believe me when I say, I don't feel that way Arizona. I promise." Arizona nodded and leaned up to brush their lips together, relieved when Callie didn't pull away. "I know, I do." She whispered softly.
As they began to walk again, Callie asked, "So what happened with uh Carmella or Carissa or whatever?" Arizona's lip twitched as she fought a smile. If Callie knew she was dating someone, she was certain she knew her name and everything there was to know about her, that's how the gossip mill at Grey-Sloan worked, so she was positive her girlfriend was butchering the name on purpose. Linking their hands together, Arizona corrected, "Carina. Her name is Carina, but you knew that." Glancing over, she saw the smirk on Callie's face confirming her suspicion. Shaking her head, Arizona explained, "I was seeing Carina, DeLuca's sister. We met shortly before Sofia came to be with me. We ummm, we slept together, I guess you could say we were dating, I wasn't seeing anyone else. When Sofia told me she was coming home, I told Carina I needed to focus my attention on my daughter when she got there. She took that as me ending things. That wasn't my intention, I mean, I wasn't ready to introduce them or anything, but she wasn't big on kids and just kinda bolted. Anyway, a couple of days later, I found her in the supply closet with Owen. We went our separate ways for a while. After a long talk, we went on a few more dates, had dinner together, made out a few times, but never slept together again. I never introduced her to Sofia as anything other than a coworker. The night I called you, I ended whatever it was we had, just so there was no question or misunderstanding." Callie hated hearing about Arizona being with anyone else, even though she had no right to be jealous, she was. But it did make her feel better knowing it wasn't serious. Leaning down to kiss Arizona's cheek, she said, "Thank you for telling me, um…are we…are we okay now?" Arizona pulled them to a stop, wrapped her arms around Callie's neck and pulled her down for a searing kiss then pulled back, gave her a dimpled smile, and said, "We are perfect Calliope." Callie smiled brightly and said, "Good, because I could really use that nap now."
XXXXX
Callie lay on the double chaise lounge chair by the side of the pool enjoying the warmth of the sun, the slight breeze in the air, the sound of birds chirping off in the distance. After arriving home, she and Arizona took a dip in the pool, showered together, had a lunch of fresh fruit, cheese, and bread they purchased on their outing the previous afternoon and decided to rest a little before their date later that evening. So here they sat snuggled together by the pool in shorts and tank tops, legs intertwined, arms wrapped around each other, her head resting on Arizona's chest, delicate fingers combing through her short hair, the steady thud of her heartbeat bringing her a sense of calm unlike any she had known in a long time. Breathing deeply, Callie closed her eyes, appreciating how the earthy scent of her sandalwood body wash and the flowery fragrance of Arizona's jasmine and cherry blossom shampoo somehow mingled together to create their own delightful aroma that served to soothe her soul, give her a renewed sense of belonging, the ever-present feeling of home that she always felt in the blonde's arms. Though she fought it for so long, she always knew it was Arizona who brought her peace, even in the most difficult of times between the two of them, she just wanted to be in Arizona's arms. So she was going to enjoy this, revel in it, bask in the knowledge that the woman in her arms was hers once again and this time, she wouldn't take these little moments for granted. This wasn't something they got the chance to do often in Seattle. They had their park bench near the hospital, but the sunny days were few and far between, add to that their busy surgeon schedules and it was nearly impossible to share moments like this. They didn't make the time for it, but now she knew, now she knew these little things, they were just as important as the big things. Whenever she envisioned her future, their future, this was what she pictured. This was the life she imagined, days off relaxing in the yard or snuggled up watching movies, taking Sofia to the park, just being…normal, they never got the chance to just be normal.
Not realizing she was even speaking aloud, Callie murmured, "We didn't do this enough." Eyes closed in relaxation, still running her fingers through short black curls, Arizona didn't have to ask what her girlfriend meant by that. She had been thinking the same thing. They rarely got or took the opportunity to just be…to just allow themselves to spend time together, to sit quietly holding each other, enjoying the peace, the calm, the safety they always brought to each other. Their life was always so fast paced, so demanding, so loud. The time they did get together, they spent in bed, or out with friends, or fighting about what boiled down to be trivial little things. Given the connection she felt now, the serenity that washed through her whenever she was held by Callie, Arizona couldn't help but wonder why. Deep down, she knew they could analyze it to death, tear it apart like they've done with everything else or they could just… "This time we'll do better. Now we know what's really important, now we know that we can't lose touch with each other. So we'll take time out of every day to talk…about nothing…about everything. We will make time for moments like this to say nothing at all, do nothing but be together. We will go on day dates and have date nights, even if they include our daughter, we make that time, because this…this is what will keep us connected, keep us grounded." By this time, Callie had shifted so she was resting on her elbow looking down at Arizona who was lying on her back, hand still tangled in her hair, sparkling blue eyes shining up at her full of love and sincerity. Leaning down to brush their lips together, Callie pulled back and agreed, "This time we will do better. We will be better. You make me want to be better Arizona; you always have." Arizona beamed at her as she replied, "You've always been enough for me Calliope, just the way you are. But you've always made me want to be better too, for you, for Sofia." She then pulled Callie down for a deeper, more sensual kiss.
Breathing heavily, the couple mutually broke apart before it became too heated. Still hovering over the blonde, Callie rested their foreheads together and whispered, "How can I want you all the time?" Arizona brushed their noses together and whispered, "Well, we do have four years to make up for." Callie smiled and answered, "True." She then brushed their lips together before settling back down in her spot on Arizona's chest. She smiled when Arizona's hand instantly found it's way back to her head to play with the stubble on the side. Deciding to share her own truth she simply said, "Eighteen and a half months." Arizona didn't have to ask what her girlfriend was talking about; she had suspected as much. Instead, she asked the question that had been running through her mind since their first talk, "Why didn't you come home Callie?" Callie knew this question was coming, she actually expected it long before now, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath she started, "I couldn't go back to Seattle. Even though I wanted to come home to you and Sofia, I couldn't go back. After a few months in therapy, I figured out why." Hearing the slight panic in the Latina's tone, the shakiness of her voice, Arizona realized this wasn't going to be an easy question for her to answer. Kissing the top of her head, she soothed, "I'd like to hear your thought process if you're ready to share it." She was dying to hear it actually. She needed to understand how Callie could say she wanted her, but didn't come back to her, how she could build their dream home, conscientiously taking everything she would need into account…on the other side of the country where she clearly didn't live. Hopefully this would answer her questions, help her see more into her girlfriend's soul.
"When I first left Seattle, I convinced myself and everyone around me that I was following Penny out here." Hearing this, Arizona furrowed her brow and asked cautiously, "Weren't you?" Shaking her head, Callie slipped her hand under Arizona's shirt to feel the soft warm skin of her abdomen, to ground herself, finally she responded, "At first, I didn't even understand why I was so hellbent on moving. I mean, I cared for Penny, but I burned my life to the ground to move here. I loved you, adored you, but I dug in my heels and wouldn't follow you to Africa. Maybe I just didn't want to be left behind again, I don't know, but I destroyed you, I took Sof away from everything she knows, away from her mommy, her village. Deep down, I knew that morally and ethically, what I did was terrible, what my lawyer did was unforgivable, but I couldn't stop myself. Once I got here and started working at NYU is when I first started breathing again. Not after I left you, not after I started my research, not after I started dating again. None of that relieved the strain, the feeling of heaviness I felt. But when I got here, started at the hospital, I was just able to work, focus on being a surgeon. You weren't standing around every corner. Every single room in the hospital didn't hold a memory. No one was looking at me. I wasn't the resident who lived in the basement or ran off to Vegas to marry an intern who cheated on her. I wasn't the person who discovered her bi-sexuality with the most hated doctor in the hospital only to be left in a parking lot. I wasn't the woman who got left in an airport then got knocked up by her best friend. Nobody here had to save my life when I flew through a windshield. I didn't get the pity eyes because my wife fell out of the sky or the angry eyes for walking away from my marriage. I wasn't the idiot who dated the resident who killed Derek Shepard. I wasn't the asshole who dragged my ex-wife and all our friends through a horrible custody battle then left for New York with my daughter to chase tail across the country as Bailey so eloquently put it." She stopped briefly to gauge Arizona's reaction. Looking up at her, instead of the hurt or anger she expected, she saw a soft caring smile open to hearing her out. Turning over to lie on her back, she opened her arms to Arizona and was relieved when she turned to her without question and placed her head on her chest, effectively switching their positions. Raising her hand to caress soft blonde curls, she took a moment to gather her thoughts.
Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she continued. "I was just Dr. Callie Torres, inventor of artificial cartilage and badass ortho goddess again. No one wanted to be on my service because they wanted juicy gossip or because I owned the hospital and sat on the board. They wanted on my service to learn and grow. I was able to work and research and nobody bothered me, stared at me, talked about me, looked at me with judging eyes. During that time, because I didn't face it every day, the hurt from all those things started to fade away. It felt good and I realized that is what I needed. That is what I was looking for. I also started to realize it had nothing to do with Penny. So, even after I left Penny, even though I was free to return to Seattle, to my family, I didn't. If I did, then I would be all of that other stuff on top of the person who returned with her tail between her legs after another failed relationship. My research was taking off, I just received funding to finish up the prototype, I was in therapy and thriving, and honestly, most importantly, I couldn't go back and face you. I knew I wanted you, but I also thought it might be too late. I couldn't see the disappointment, the anger, the hatred I thought I would find. I couldn't watch you move on without me once I finally figured out it was you I wanted and I couldn't tell you I wanted you because I caused you so much pain and for what?" After voicing this all out loud, Callie dropped her head back and closed her eyes. She didn't want Arizona to see the shame she felt. She didn't want to see the anger or hurt she was sure to see. She clearly had every intention of saying something at some point, Arizona knew that. What she didn't know was that she was a coward and couldn't face the consequences of her actions.
Hearing all this, Arizona was finally able to put everything together and understand where the other woman was coming from. Oddly, the last vestiges of the hurt she felt about the whole situation melted away when she realized how badly Callie needed this for herself. Looking up, she saw Callie's eyes were closed, but that didn't hide the guilt, the shame written across her beautiful face. Seeing the distress in her girlfriend made her heart hurt. It was clear she carried a lot of guilt and she didn't know how to make it better, but she was determined to try. Arizona lifted up to rest on her elbow, reached out and cupped a tan cheek turning the Latina's face to look her in the eye. The despair she saw in her eyes made her stomach flip. Speaking softly, still cupping her face in her hand, Arizona said, "First of all Calliope, I could never ever hate you. Even on our worst day, even when I wanted so badly to hate you with everything I had, I couldn't because I will always love you." Seeing the small smile creep up on the other woman's face, she continued. "When I showed up at your door with those airplane tickets, I told you I wanted you to be happy and I meant it. Are you happy now? Are you happy with who you are and where you are, in your life, in your career?" Though the words could be full of spite and malice, the blonde asked them genuinely and Callie could see she was sincerely concerned. "Before you got here, apart from missing my family, I was. For the first time in I don't know how long, I could say that I was happy and mean it. I didn't feel whole yet. But now, now I am truly happier, more settled, and more in love than I have ever been." Callie said with a bright smile. Placing a chaste kiss on her lips, Arizona smiled and replied, "It was hard and painful and it sucked for a long time. But we needed time, we needed space to breathe. We needed to get our shit together. But we are here now and I am happier, more settled, and more in love than I have ever been too, so then it was worth it, right?" Nodding, Callie agreed, "I suppose it was, but…" She was cut off by a finger being placed over her lips, "But nothing Calliope. You could have come home and declared your love and I could have fallen into your arms, or I could have rejected you. We could be celebrating a year and a half of being reunited or we could be at each other's throats. There's no telling. We were in different places emotionally than we are now. Now is our time, this is where it needed to happen, so we aren't going to do the what if's. You aren't going to hold onto this guilt and I'm not going to be mad because it took so long. It took the time it took." That was the absolute truth, Arizona has no idea where her mind was at that time, at the time Callie started to have all her revelations, but she's almost certain neither of them were where they are now.
Taking her hand down, Arizona looked into Callie's eyes and continued, "I also understand what you mean about just needing to get away from Seattle. Once I finally made the decision to move out here, I realized how easy it was going to be, how good it was going to feel to let go of some of that." She watched as Callie nodded in understanding then said, "That night I told Bailey I was leaving, right before you text me to ask how it went, I was sitting in my car and I could see the renovations to the new wing from the explosion, the catwalk where Derrick got shot, the helicopter pad where we were brought back from the crash, the ambulance bay where you were rushed into surgery, and that was just from the outside, so much happened within those walls, so much good, but so so much bad happened to all of us. I knew at that moment I wasn't going to miss that. I felt this excitement for what was to come, for what could be. I didn't know then that you were a part of that, or that this, what we have now was even a possibility, but I didn't regret my decision. I don't regret anything if it means we have each other again." Callie stared into cerulean blue eyes and saw the absolute truth, the love behind those words. Any underlying concern she had that Arizona would resent her or regret her decision to move out here completely dissipated in that moment. Letting out the breath she didn't realize she was holding with a slight sob, she pulled the blonde into her arms and said, "We do, we have each other again and I'm going to fight like hell to keep this, to keep you." Arizona lifted her head and smiled as she said, "This time we fight together. This time we fight with each other instead of against each other." Nodding before her girlfriend was finished, Callie said, "This time we do it right." Leaning into each other at the same time, their lips connected together in a soft loving kiss that heated up quickly.
Needing more of a connection, Callie pulled Arizona fully on top of her and gasped as their centers rubbed together as the smaller woman settled herself between her legs. Taking advantage of the quick intake of breath, Arizona slipped her tongue between plump red lips and ran it across the roof of Callie's mouth swallowing the moan she emitted. Callie's hands promptly found their way under the hem of Arizona's shirt and pushed it upward silently asking for permission to take it off. Arizona pushed herself up and allowed Callie to pull her shirt over her head moaning as her bra clad nipple was immediately captured between perfect white teeth. Reaching behind her to release the clasp, she was stopped by the sound of a phone ringing somewhere near them. Groaning at the interruption, she briefly thought about letting it go to voicemail until she realized it was her mother's ringtone. She couldn't help but laugh at the pained look on Callie's face. Sitting up, she said, "It's mom, I'd let it go if she didn't have our daughter." Nodding in understanding, Callie reached for the shirt she just tossed aside and handed it over to the blonde. Expecting the caller to be their daughter, she connected the call and put it on speaker so they both could talk to her. "Hello?" Arizona answered, voice a little muffled from pulling her shirt over her head. "Arizona, is Callie with you dear?" Furrowing her brow, Arizona instantly became concerned at her mother's question and tone of voice. "Yeah mom, Callie's right here." "Hey Barb." Callie responded just to confirm. "Girls, there's been an accident."