AN: Hello, FF and Harry Potter fans. I do not own Harry Potter, but feel free to enjoy this or hate it. If you enjoy it, please leave a lovely comment, if you hate it, then leave some constructive criticism, thanks!

Can You Take the Jump?

Chapter 55

…

Avery, Regulus, and Severus stood in the Quidditch pitch early in the morning, snickered at the group of shivering and trembling Gryffindors.

"Welcome to hell Gryffindors."

…

James gripped Mary's arm and waist tightly, his sweat threatening to loosen his grip. He was trying to help her get to the other safe side of the Quidditch pitch. She had tripped and twisted her ankle only 3 meters from the starting line, unable to stand, let alone walk. He had glanced at Hermione expecting her to stop her little death trap of an obstacle course to help Mary, but she watched on from the stands with that same bored look on her face.

"James, look out!"

With Quidditch honed instincts, he stepped to the side as a quaffle flew terrifyingly close to his abdomen, only for it to hit Mary.

"Ah!" She crumbled as the hard leather ball smashed against her midriff.

"Are you all right?" James crouched next to her, only for another ball to catch his shoulder.

A whistle blew from the stands stopping all the objects.

"Dead. Both of you." Snape drawled. He threw them a jar labelled bruise paste, the same one he'd given to everyone after they attempted the obstacle course. Just how many jars did they have? Snape was about to walk away but paused in front of Mary. He leaned in close, flicked his wand over her and then nodded his head as a faint yellow light glowed around her abdomen, then at her ankle.

"Nothing is bleeding or broken. You'll be fine, just winded and bruised. Our resident Potion genius made the paste so if you put it on, you'll be healed by tomorrow morning."

"Uhm, th-thank you." Mary stuttered. James detected a faint pinkness on the top of her cheeks.

Snape glanced at Hermione walking towards them.

"She'll be harsh," he warned quietly. "Don't take it personally."

"Pathetic," Hermione looked down at them. "That was fucking garbage."

James had to bite his tongue to prevent his pride from lashing out. So this was what Snape had meant when he said she was harsh. He'd always been told he was a tough captain for making his Quidditch team train hard but after that assessment? He was a teddy bear compared to Hermione Evans.

The night after the Evans twins fought, the Gryffindors sat in silence in their common room, crying and sharing stories about Lyana. Many others joined them including the Quidditch team and others, who knew Lyana from her many extracurriculars around the school other than just Quidditch. She'd been in the choir, and the reading club, and a consistent participant in the Exploding Snap tournaments in school. Even the girls seemed to be surprised at the number of students that sat down in the common room to share stories of their interactions and moments with Lyana.

As everyone was turning in for the night, several owls pecked the window.

"If you want to learn how to save your friends, come to the Quidditch pitch at 4 AM."

That was how the Marauders, Mary, Marlene, and Alice found themselves standing in the freezing cold being stared down by Hermione Evans and 3 other Slytherins.

Not Lily though. Lily had taken one look at the note and spat something bitter under her breath and stormed up to her dorm.

The task Hermione had given them was simple. Hermione had divided them into groups of 2s and one group of 3. All they needed to do was go through the obstacle course without getting hit by any of the bludgers and quaffles. It had seemed easy enough, but James quickly learned that he was judging far too hastily.

Severus Snape was elected to be the one to demonstrate the obstacle course. James fully expected the other Slytherins to pick up a bat and start batting the balls in Snape's direction, but Hermione Evans pulled out her wand instead.

The obstacle course came alive.

A dozen balls flew around wildly, in every direction. Trip ropes appeared and then disappeared in random areas on the floor. The ground moved, softened, and changed. So much more was happening, but James didn't have time to see it all, too distracted by Snape running through the course.

James was impressed with how fluid and precise his movements were. Snape was confident, at least in the first half of the course, but the second half was much harder. More obstacles flew and whizzed by, the pace was faster, and the changes more random. He was doing quite well, maneuvering through the various obstacles, even throwing spells at a few of the bludgers and quaffles to protect himself, until the ground opened up and a quaffle hit him right in the chin, knocking the wind out of him.

Peter had misjudged the situation and let out a laugh. He and Alice had to go first. They barely made 5 meters before getting hit by one of the quidditch balls.

Sirius, Remus, and Marlene did quite well, but none of them lasted more than 30 seconds in the second half.

All the Gryffindors had failed quite epically.

"Had those balls been an Avada, you would all be dead. Pettigrew and Alice lacked teamwork entirely. What's the point of having a partner if you're not going to use them? Marlene, Remus, and Sirius, you guys didn't have enough communication, especially with Marlene. You two may be good mates, therefore able to predict the other's thoughts and movements, but Marlene does not have that luxury. You left her to die. When you realized this and tried to rectify your mistake, you again did not communicate this with Marlene, thus resulting in both your deaths when Marlene took the matter of her survival into her own hands. Marlene, while I was intrigued by your efforts of independence, you do not have the skills to manage this course on your own, which is why you died the second the obstacle course got harder. James and Mary…" Hermione glanced down at Mary's shoes. She was wearing heeled boots, granted the heels weren't very high but noticeably heeled nonetheless.

"You were a burden," she told Mary. "An anchor that caused James to die along with you."

"Hey," James stepped in front of her, shielding her from Hermione's unforgiving words.

"Did you think I asked you to come out here for a fashion show?" Hermione ignored the boy and continued. "Do you think you're some muggle comic book hero, saving the world in heels and a skin-tight leather leotard? What the fuck are those shoes?!"

"I-I—"

"If this was real you would have died and dragged Potter with you! Two lives gone in a blink of an eye because of your callousness!"

"Evans enough!"

"No!" Hermione whirled around at him. "You died, not just because of her mistake but because of your arrogance. You didn't have the skills or the power to save her and yourself. You barely even have the skills to save yourself for the full obstacle course."

"You just said to Marlene that this obstacle course couldn't be done by oursel—"

"Three able-bodied fighters running around trying to help each other, rescue each other, and survive together is different from one able-bodied person trying to rescue a lost fucking cause. You needed to make the hard decision and leave her. Don't you get it? This is not some storybook, heroes don't survive the war." She looked around at all of them, panting, and aching from the strenuous first task that she handed them. "If this simulation was real, what do you think would happen to your bodies after you died? Do you think the Death Eaters will be nice enough to send your bodies to St. Mungo's morgue so that your parents could have an actual funeral? No, if you're lucky, you will be found by some poor unsuspecting muggle and you'll be in a muggle hospital, unnamed and unfound forever because you lot aren't in their system. Otherwise, you'll likely die rotting in a ditch somewhere never to be found again. But you, James? With your parents and your status? No, they wouldn't do that. They'd do something far worse. They'd mutilate and sodomize your body beyond recognition and dump your body in front of your house for your parents to find. Because to them, the fact that you died isn't enough. Voldemort will want to douse the very fire that runs through your family's veins to prevent them from ever trying to fight again."

"Can you even finish this bloody course? It's fucking impossible!" Peter argued.

Hermione raised her brow.

She flicked her wand, erupting the obstacle course into motion once more. Then, she tossed her wand to Avery who was standing along the side and ran into the chaos.

It was like watching art come alive.

For the first time, James understood why Sirius could see something so utterly compelling about Hermione Evans. Sure, she was pretty, even beautiful, but she wasn't nice to look at. She was cold and distant, she never gave anyone an in. No one knew what she was thinking or feeling. If James was completely honest, Hermione creeped him out half the time. But at this moment, Hermione Evans wasn't a pretty girl. No, she was something far more than that, she was art. Watching her move made him feel inspired, awed, and emotional.

There was no limb out of control, a step not purposeful or wasteful. She lived and breathed this obstacle course. Nothing could touch her, like a leaf effortlessly blowing in the wind. He knew he was watching a master doing their craft.

He'd heard that she'd taken on 5 death eaters by herself, but after witnessing this, he could see how she'd managed to do so. She could have saved Mary with her twisted ankle without risking herself.

She could have saved Lyana.

"Any questions?" She asked at the end of the obstacle course, but no one could dare question her now.

"Good. Run the obstacle course again! Slytherins first."

…

Sirius leaned forward, keeping his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. They were given water, but instead of drinking it, he poured it over his head, trying to cool himself down despite the freezing temperatures outside. Regulus rolled his eyes and poured his brother another cup, which Sirius drank this time.

"Are you going to tell me when you started working out with her? Or am I supposed to keep guessing?"

"You can keep guessing until the sun sets again, I don't give a shit."

Regulus tried to walk away but was abruptly stopped by Sirius pulling him back.

"Reg—"

"Ah!" a scream echoed in the field. They all turned their heads to see Mary falling once more. All of them were struggling with Hermione's intensive boot camp style training, but Mary was especially finding it difficult. Alice, despite her quiet demeanour, dreamed of being an Auror alongside her longtime boyfriend Frank, Marlene played quidditch with James, Remus was a werewolf, and Peter was only marginally more fit thanks to their many pranks and nights running around the Forbidden Forest as their animagi. However, Mary…Mary had no background in training, duelling, or physical fitness.

"Evans, stop! Stop it!" James stood in front of Mary. "You're pushing her too hard! It's only the first day, she has no experience with this, and her friend just died a few hours ago!" He helped her off the ground. She whimpered, as she tried to put weight on the ankle she'd twisted, but the healing spell James had given her hadn't been adequate, causing her to re-sprain it, and worse the second time around. She leaned into James's body for support, grimacing with pain.

"I know Lyana died. I was there, Potter." Hermione stared at her ankle.

"Then how can you be so cruel? How can you be so heartless? They are still grieving! What if someone had pushed you like you're doing to Mary after Professor Black died?!"

Regulus and Sirius stiffened at the mention of their uncle, but their eyes immediately shot toward Hermione who had an even more special connection to him.

"You know nothing about Hermione and Alphard's relationship, Potter! How dare you speak about it as if you know shit!" Severus jumped to Hermione's defence. Something Sirius noted.

"They're nothing alike." Hermione's voice dropped even more chilling than the freezing winds.

"What, because you were close with Professor Black and not Lyana?"

"No." Her eyes glinted like hot fire. "No. Alphard died, sick and tired of fighting a disease that consumed him. He died, peacefully in his sleep after being able to tell me he loved me for the last time. But Lyana? What was Lyana doing before she fell dead in Lily's arms? What kind of closure was she given? What closure were any of you given? I may not have known Lyana as well as the rest of you, but I know that she was full of life, healthy, young, and beautiful before her life was ripped away from her. She didn't just die. She was killed. Murdered. Not because she was a bad person, but simply because she was at the wrong place at the wrong time…with the wrong person. So, James," she turned to him with burning eyes. "To answer your question, if someone had stripped Alphard of his life before it was his time, just like Lyana, and then I was offered a chance to train so that I could prevent that from happening ever again? I wouldn't spend another second mourning. I'd rage. I'd train until my blisters burst, flooding my shoes with blood, until my muscles trembled so hard I couldn't even stand, until my joints turned to dust, and my mind filled with nothing more than red fire that burned and destroyed. I would stop at nothing until the people who killed my dearest best friend were given the punishment they deserved."

Sirius knew that look in his best friend's eyes because he felt the same emotion. Shame. Ever since the village, that had been the feeling all along. It wasn't just grief, but deep deep regret and shame. Shame for their actions or inactions, shame for their ignorance, and shame as Lyana's friends. Ly was one of the good ones, truly. If one of them had died as she had, Ly would have raged in the manner Hermione was speaking about. She wouldn't have sat in the common room simply crying. She would have run through the halls of Hogwarts swearing vengeance till kingdom come. She would be threatening the Aurors, demanding they bring the caught Death Eaters back so that she could exact revenge.

She deserved justice and retribution. She deserved better and they knew it.

"All of you need to grow up." Hermione's whispers felt loud, her frustrations bursting from her chest. "Lyana won't be the last. Death is a fact of war, especially with Death Eaters, their allies, and Voldemort casting spells with the intention of killing. You have to open your eyes and see the fucking world for what it is, an unfair, unjust, and ruthless place. Do you think the Aurors will always come to your aid in time? Even if they do, do you think that they will always be able to save you?" She looked around the group, but they remained speechless. She shook her head at their shocked expressions, a sign of their complete and utter naivety. They trusted the system completely despite more than half the government being under Voldemort's thumb at this point. "Do you guys truly think that there is a God out there that only gives power to those who deserve it? To those who are qualified to wield it? As if there is some good-guys-only club? No, there is no such thing because those who seek power will do ANYTHING to achieve it. There are very few out there who are deserving of it, and even fewer to see those that do not change once that power is within their grasp."

"Alice, you're studying to become an Auror, right?" The meek girl let out a small squeak at being singled out. "What are the statistics for on-the-job casualties for Aurors right now?"

"O-over 120 casualties have been reported since January 1976 to September 1st, when Hogwarts started."

"And how many of those casualties were deaths?"

"62%."

"Aurors are at a disadvantage because they no longer have the luxury to train as long as they used to, and their opponents firing with the intention to kill. This is all assuming that they are on your side in the first place."

She looked around the group glancing at each other at the news of the truth of their world, of life in general. The Slytherins, Sirius, Remus, and Alice nodded, understanding the devastating truth, but the rest of them seemed to be unable to accept her words. Perhaps it was too desolate and crushing of hopes and dreams. James was one of them. It wasn't that Hermione didn't understand. James's father was an upstanding man, someone who genuinely deserved to be part of the DMLE, but it was also why he was being dragged out. It would be hard for James to believe that some of the people his father worked with, mentored, and trusted could be the enemy.

"Well," Harry let out a small grimace, "you thoroughly spooked them. I'm not sure if that was your goal though."

He was right, even the ones who knew of the truth looked pale and frightened.

"We had years to prepare for this, starting with Quirrel and Voldemort living in the back of his head, the basilisk, etc. Hermione," he sighed. "You're pushing them too fast."

"We don't have time. I don't have time."

"Look at them Granger," Draco pushed her to look at the teenagers around her. They looked haggard, depressed, and Mary even looked sick. "They're still wearing black, still mourning the loss of a dear friend, someone they've known for 6 years."

"Let them mourn, it's only been the first day. Not everyone can push problems to the back of their mind to deal with later like you can. Friends are too precious. You can't just expect them to turn this immense, life-altering sadness into motivation in the snap of your fingers." Remus Lupin put his arms around an older Sirius Black and explained like she was a child. "They just lost someone close to them."

"AND I LOST EVERYONE." She snapped. She lifted her head at her hallucinations so that they could see how their hypocrisy was hurting her. She'd lost everyone, EVERYONE, but needed to keep it together to try and save others, to prevent the release of an obscurus, to save the future, to save her second family, to save everyone but her fucking self. However, instead of hallucinations of Harry, Draco, and an older Remus and Sirius staring back at her, it was a bunch of teenagers.

"Hermione?" Sirius took a tentative step towards her.

She put her hand out to stop him when a sudden coughing fit overtook her. She could taste a metal tang in her mouth. Hermione looked down at her hand to see splatters of blood.

The Marauders with their sensitive animal noses, widened their eyes at the smell of blood wafting into their noses.

As nonchalantly as possible, she wiped her mouth and hands before stuttering out an apology for pushing them too quickly and then running to the changing room.

"Hermione!" Sirius chased after her but was stopped when Avery and Regulus blocked his path.

"You can't go there, Sirius." Regulus pushed him back.

"But—wait, why is Snape going in?!"

Avery shrugged. "They're best friends. He's allowed in. That's all we know."

"She was bleeding. She coughed up blood."

Regulus and Avery exchanged furrowed glances. Sirius tried to push through another time, but the duo stopped him once more. "Regardless, you're not allowed in. Hermione's been very particular about this these days."

"Reggie, I'm going to pin you to the ground as we used to when we were kids if you don't let me pass."

"Brother, I've been training with Hermione for some time now. Trust me when I say, you don't want to do that."

"Let me just ta—ach!" In a blink of an eye, Sirius found himself on the floor with his brother pushing his forearm into his neck.

"Walk away. If she wishes to talk about her condition with you, it is her choice. You will not force her hand, do you understand?"

Sirius glared, but when he felt the pressure on his neck growing, he nodded. Regulus let up on his chokehold and stood. He gave him a helping hand, but out of damaged pride, Sirius didn't take it.

"That'll bruise. Put the bruise paste on that too. It'll help." Avery snickered. He jogged up to Mary who was still sniffling on the floor due to her ankle.

"Accio pain-reducing potion. Here. Take it." He handed the bottle to Mary with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry about Hermione, I know she's…intense, but I promise she only does it because she cares. I think she cares more than any of us that we live through this bloody war, you know, even if we wish we were dying because of how tough her training can be."

Mary cracked a smile.

"And if it makes you feel any better, I failed even more epically on my first day. It wasn't even a difficult obstacle course like this, all I had to do was disarm Hermione when she wasn't even throwing defensive spells. She cussed me out and blood ripped me apart that night. Well, she still does it most training nights, but you do get better. I promise."

"I thought you hated her. You're always frowning and grumbling next to her in potions."

"Well, it's not like I'm going to be smiling when standing next to the girl that called me an unevolved neanderthal with pathetic noodle arms earlier that morning."

"Oh," Mary's brows raised at the creative insults that were thrown at Avery. She attempted to open the cork on her potion, but couldn't stop her arms from shaking from overuse.

"Here," Avery reached out to open the bottle for her, only for the bottle to be ripped out of his hand.

"I got this, you can go, snake."

Avery never particularly thought Peter Pettigrew was a menacing chap. Actually, Avery never really thought of Peter Pettigrew at all. That was the issue of surrounding yourself with such outstanding friends, wasn't it? You were frequently overshadowed by their popularity and talents. Sure, people knew his name thanks to his friends, but it always came with a comparison and then a general conversation that everyone at Hogwarts probably at least had once, something along the line of, "I wonder why they're friends with him?"

Funnily enough, Avery understood what he felt. Although Hermione had made him a Potions prodigy in the eyes of everyone in Hogwarts, while it was just the boys and Hermione, he was also surrounded by greatly talented individuals, making himself, more often than not, the useless one. It had been nice feeling useful for once, so much so that he wanted to challenge the snarling display of jealousy.

"I think Curtis was perfectly fine with my help," he held out his hand, asking for the potion back.

"I think Mary's had enough of you snakes after all the trouble that bitch Evans gave her."

This made Avery's jaw clench. He called Hermione a bitch all the time, but he earned the right. He had suffered through her never-ending training, insults, and criticisms, yet persevered through it all. He took all of her crazy with as much grace as he could muster, and now he was a dependable fighter in the field. He'd proven it today. But this little shit thought he had the right to call Hermione a bitch after one morning?

Before the rational part of his mind stopped him, Avery threw a punch straight into Pettigrew's nose. A satisfying crunch echoed in the stadium, followed by a shriek.

"Who're you calling a bitch? Because Hermione's sure as hell never screamed like that!"

"Oi!"

Remus arrived first, holding Avery back from throwing another punch, but it left Pettigrew open for a punch back. He landed a decent punch on his face just before James arrived to pull Pettigrew back.

"Oi, you idiots!" One of the Gryffindor girls stood in the center to separate the boys. "What the hell is wrong with both of you? We're done with the fighting today, no more violence!"

"Agreed," Regulus walked up to them calmly. "I don't particularly care who started it, both of you got your punch in. That's enough."

"He started it! He called Evans a bitch!"

This made Regulus pause, "Hermione doesn't need you to fight her battles for her, Fredrick. And you, Pettigrew, if you're going to insult Hermione, at least have the guts to do it to her face like a real Gryffindor, you spineless rat. Not when she's already halfway back to the castle."

Realizing that his friend had been in the wrong, Remus quickly let go of Avery with an apologetic glance.

The two Slytherins walked away from the Gryffindors, but once they had enough distance between them, Avery shot a glare at the younger Slytherin.

"I could have used some backup over there."

"If you need backup in a fistfight with Peter Pettigrew, you haven't had enough beatings from Hermione."

Avery shoved Regulus, who let out a laugh, then teased him about the bruise forming on his face from Pettigrew's punch.

…

"Are you sure you're fine?" Severus needed to jog to catch up to her.

"Go away Sev."

"Not until I know you're fine."

"I'm fine."

"So you say, but you always say that."

"Sev—"

"I think she asked you to go away, Snape."

Hermione could see Severus barely managing to prevent his eyes from rolling.

"And I'm pretty sure your brother and Avery told you that you weren't welcome here."

Sirius eyed the protective stance that Severus stood in, covering Hermione with his tall frame. That was supposed to be him.

"Sev, it's fine." Hermione gave him a gentle nod of approval.

Sirius let out a frustrated breath at the fact that he was the one who needed the nod of approval to approach Hermione.

"Go take a shower and some sleep before breakfast. I'll see you in class."

Severus let out a sigh but decided to follow her suggestion.

"Oh come on!" Sirius snapped when Snape squeezed Hermione on the shoulder before leaving.

Snape lifted his brow before walking away.

"He's fucking doing it on purpose because he knows it fucking annoys me!"

Hermione knew exactly what Sirius was talking about. Severus wasn't exactly a physically affectionate friend, but she feigned ignorance only because it was so easy and fun to tease Sirius. She needed a smile. She needed some Sirius brand humour right now, especially after the outburst she had in the Quidditch pitch.

Sirius remained growling at Severus's back until he was out of sight, trying to protect her from absolutely nothing.

It was cute.

A small puff of air escaped her, a tired laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.

"You think it's funny, do you?"

"Not entirely, but a little?" She gave him a small smirk but dropped it quickly. "Terrible, aren't I? Laughing on a day like this. Lyana just died. No one should be laughing, everyone should be grieving, yet I'm here laughing at your expense. Maybe I am a monster."

"Stop that," Sirius grabbed her face with both his hands and held her gaze with his. "You are not a monster. You have never been a monster, and you will never be a monster."

"But I—"

"You did what needed to be done so that you could save everyone's life. Just as you said. Lyana…Lyana was already dead. That scream we heard in Hogsmeade was when Lyana probably died. She was long gone before you could do anything. If there was even the slightest chance she was alive, you would have helped her."

"But Lily doesn't think so."

"…no. At least not right now, but you have to remember that this girl refused to believe that James was a half-decent human being for years. Your sister is a whole load of things that I won't say right now because I'm upset with her, but we can both agree that she is stubborn with a big heart. She found out that Ly died on her behalf. It's got to be tough."

Sirius hesitantly looked down, wondering if Hermione would get angry and tell him that it was tough on her too to have to make the difficult decision of leaving Lyana behind so that everyone else could live, but she simply nodded. Hermione Evans was fucking saintly and no one else could tell him otherwise.

"Are you okay? I smelled blood."

She nodded.

"I had to bite my cheeks to prevent myself from cussing you Gryffindors out too much. I guess I bit too hard."

He let out a low chuckle at the blatant lie. He wanted to push, he always did, but he bit his own cheek to stop himself.

"We're not that hopeless, are we?" He asked, playing along. He leaned down, staring into her eyes, then her nose, then her lips. The desire to kiss her was so strong that it made him dizzy. However, he changed his mind and rested his head on the crook of her shoulder, breathing in her rose-honey scent. There was no scent of leather and cookies.

"You don't use Amortentia in your shampoo anymore? Because I asked you not to?"

She didn't respond, but she didn't need to. Gods she was killing him.

"I love you," he told her. The three words he'd been so scared to tell her for so long tumbled out of his lips. The three words he refrained from spewing because he was mind-numbingly terrified of rejection. He used to imagine how he would finally tell her, it would be grand, it would be somewhere memorable, during a date he planned from beginning to the end, one where he made her feel like the most precious person in the world. But it'd been here. In the middle of a hall, after months of bare minimum interaction, and after the death of a friend.

He felt like he should regret it, but he didn't regret it at all. His time away from her made him realize that there was something much scarier than rejection, not having her in his life. His insecurities had stopped him before, but those inhibitions were gone. "I love you."

She remained frozen.

"I don't care what you say because nothing is going to change my feelings. I love you."

"What happened to you can't? You said that to me at Hogsmeade. You said you couldn't deal with my secrets and that you were done."

"I thought I meant it too, but you knew I didn't." He gave her a wan smile. "I love you."

"Sirius," she started edging away from him gently. "We can't."

"Why not? I love you and I miss you. I'm sorry for what I did, and I know you've forgiven me. Why can't we, Hermione? We work. We work well."

"Sirius, I'm not—I'm no good for you."

He paused, wondering if she truly believed that. "If you're no good for me, then nothing is. I don't want this life without you. Don't you get it? I love you in the big way. Not how I love bloody steaks or Quidditch. I am in love with—"

"Stop! Stop saying those words."

Pain clenched his heart, but he stood his ground. "No, I'm not going to hold back my feelings just to be courteous to you anymore. I am in love with you, Hermione Evans."

"Sirius, I-I can't…"

"I know," he caught her distraught face with his large warm hands. "I know, but I love you regardless."

Her face crumbled with regret, despair, and love. In his imagined perfect scenario, she said it back to him with only love in her eyes, but this was real. This was Hermione. Complicated, frustrating, and secretive to a fault.

"I am in love with you, Hermione Evans," He leaned in. Their lips were a hair width apart, their breath tickling each other, "and there's nothing you can do to stop it."

She closed the gap and kissed him.

…

Severus walked slowly to the Slytherin common room, stretching his arms and back to try to make sure the aches that he'd feel later in the day were considerably less. He let out a chuckle when he remembered how the Marauders all wiped out in Hermione's obstacle course, then at her tongue lashing they'd all received afterwards. He almost felt bad for them.

Almost.

"Sev."

Severus froze. In all their years of friendship, Lily never came to the Slytherin common room. It was for her safety and a small sign of Lily's solidarity with Hermione since her twin sister was never accepted in the common room either.

Even from this distance, Severus could see the toll the previous day's events had caused her. That lightness and brightness that seemed to be Lily's signature had dampened.

He felt for her, he truly did. While their situation wasn't the same, he saw the similarities between Lyana's death to Lily and Alphard's death to himself. They both never got closure, they both had deep regrets and failures, and they both lashed out at Hermione for all the wrong reasons.

Severus had heard what Lily had said to Hermione in front of the Hospital wing. Anyone with ears in Hogwarts had heard what Lily had said to Hermione. Severus had called Hermione a liar when Alphard was dying and Lily had called Hermione a monster. How similar they were. How similarly terrible they were.

If there was anyone in this castle that understood Lily's anguish and misguided anger, it was Severus. Perhaps that was the reason why she'd come to finally see him today so that he could stand in solidarity with her.

"You should be ashamed of what you said to Hermione."

Lily's breath hitched.

"I was ashamed too when I called her a liar and blamed her for getting in my way before Alphard died. I was ashamed, Lily. I regret it still."

Clearly, not the conversation she'd been hoping for, Lily pushed herself off the wall and started walking away, but Severus caught her by the arm.

"What if it'd been her? What if it was Hermione sitting next to a dead body, hopeless and inconsolable in the middle of a battlefield? Would you have let her grieve to her heart's content while deadly spells flew all around her?"

Lily bit her lips.

"I know your sister is hard. I know she is unbelievably difficult to be close with and impossible to understand. I also know you love connection and relationships. You love to love and it's so natural for you to give it out freely and cherish it. It's the greatest thing about you. Maybe if the situation was reversed, you would be clever enough to figure out a way for Hermione to grieve properly while keeping her alive, but for Hermione? You will always ALWAYS be her priority. That is how she loves. She would sacrifice me at a drop of a hat if it meant saving you because that is how she loves."

"She wouldn't—"

"She would."

Lily paled at Severus's conviction.

"And I would let her. Because I love you." He told her in his mind. He wanted so desperately to say it, but his throat caught and his lungs deflated at the mere thought of uttering those words. She's not going to accept me.

"So if what she did makes Hermione a monster," Severus cleared his throat. "Then you are her handler. You are her creator since she did it all for you."

Lily's beautiful eyes welled with tears as she fell into his arms and sobbed.

"I promised her that her life would be amazing! I promised her future would be so bright that I would get jealous! I promised!" She cried.

It took Severus a moment to realize that she was talking about her dead friend.

"Then…then she was…we were mid laugh then she just…" She gripped Severus tightly, crumbling to the ground, heaving with grief. "I saw the life leave her eyes, Sev. Oh god!"

"I'm so sorry, Lily." He settled down on the floor, holding his best friend in his arms while her heart broke all over again. "I'm so sorry."

They stayed on the floor, Severus rocking her back and forth as she cried until her sobs became small hiccups of tears.

"I need to apologize." She whispered; her voice hoarse from the hours she spent crying. "I called her a monster, Sev. I'm terrible."

"No, what you said was terrible, but you are not terrible."

"I am. I said it because I knew it would hurt her. I said it intending to hurt her."

"Exactly. You said it because you were hurting, and you wanted to bite back, not because you truly believed she was a monster. So you're not terrible. You're just grieving."

She shook her head softly, "You didn't see her face, Sev. I broke her heart."

"She will forgive you."

"I don't deserve it."

"Neither did I, but she forgave me anyway. I'm still working to earn it."

Lily looked up at Severus from his lap, her eyes were swollen and red. "She loves you too, you know. I am not her only priority."

Severus gave her a small smile while wiping the tears from her cheek, "I know."

Lily gave him a wan smile. She sniffled once more and took a shaky deep breath, composing herself. She got up from his lap and held out her hand to help him up.

"Thank you."

"Always."

She hugged him and squeezed him tightly. Her shoes clicked on the stone floor as she walked away but she abruptly stopped.

"Oh, and Sev?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever sacrifice your life for me, no matter what Hermione says. If you do, I'll never forgive you. And I'll never forgive her."

He blinked.

"Promise me."

"I…promise."