Chapter Eighteen: Therapy

"Here we are." Yue gestured to the large, ice hut ahead.

I nodded. "Thanks, Princess Yue. I can…."

My head suddenly felt as light as a feather, and the world spun around me. It happened so fast that I didn't realize that I had collapsed on the ground. I looked up at Yue, who knelt beside me with a furrowed brow.

"Oh my goodness. Are you alright, Tashi?" she said.

"I–" I touched my forehead. "Could you help me inside? Please?"

"Of course." Yue helped me to my feet.

She wrapped my left arm around her shoulder while I leaned against her for support. We made our way into the healing hut, and I glanced around. Just like everything else, it was mostly made of ice with a few cots and supplies.

A middle-age woman walked over to us with a warm smile. "Princess Yue, what happened?"

"This is Tashi, one of the Avatar's friends." Yue set me down on one of the cots, and when she glanced at her gloves, she gasped. "She needs your attention right away."

I looked at her gloves and realized they were covered in my blood.

"Oh my." Rushing behind me, Yugoda peeled my hair aside, so she could see my back. "You've bled straight through your clothes, child. We'll have to remove these immediately."

"Is there anything I can do?" Yue said.

"You've done enough, Princess Yue. I can handle things here. Thank you." Yugoda undid my tunic and began helping me out of it.

She nodded and looked at me. "May the moon and ocean spirits grant you a quick recovery, Tashi. I'll see you later."

"Thank you, Princess Yue." I shivered as Yugoda finished removing my tunic, and I cringed when I heard her second gasp.

"My goodness. This is more serious than I thought." She moved me to sit upright. "Just hold still, child."

I did as she asked, and I closed my eyes as she bended water onto my back. It felt cool and soothing, but Yugoda had more finesse with her technique than Katara. As the freshest scars healed, my skin felt less numb, and I began to feel pain. A sharp pain. It traveled up my spine, and I screamed aloud as my mind returned to the many dark memories of my time on Zhao's ship.

"You may as well give in. You're not escaping again, and the next time you see your friends, they'll be in chains. I'll make sure of that!" Zhao wrapped his hands around my neck. "First, I'll roast that Water Tribe boy alive. Next, I'll break the Avatar's hands and feet, and then starve him until he's skin and bones. As for the girl, she can rot in prison like the barbaric water-benders before her. Then again, she is young. Maybe I'll have her sold off."

I screamed, and jerking away from Yugoda, I fell onto the floor. "Stop! I won't do it again! I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"

I scooted back until I was against the side of the cot. My gaze was unfocused as I remained trapped inside of the memory.

Yugoda knelt beside me and brought a gentle hand to my face. "Calm yourself, child. It's alright. You're safe."

I trembled and started hyperventilating. However, Yugoda was patient, and she waited as long as it took for me to settle down before guiding me back onto the cot. I rested on my stomach, and I took deep breaths.

"It appears that your injuries are not just physical." She continued healing my back. "Tashi, was it? What happened?"

I closed my eyes. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Bottling up so much negative energy will only make things worse, and you're already neglecting your health. I can help, but you have to be willing to cooperate," she said.

I cringed as the sensitivity returned to my skin. "How can you help me?"

"The healing arts expand to the mental realm as well. I can make it easier for you to confront your trauma and move past it." She removed the water from my back. "I've done what I can. It seems some of your injuries are much older. The scars have become permanent."

"That's fine." I sat up. "I'm starting to feel better already. Thank you, Yugoda."

"Don't thank me yet, child. We still have a ways to go. But first, let me get you something to wear and eat." She left the main room.

I stretched a little, testing my newfound flexibility, before glancing at my soiled tunic. More memories flooded into my mind, and I put a hand to my head, my fingers digging into my hair.

Maybe I should let Yugoda help me. I sighed.

When she returned, I was placed into a blue tunic and parka. I huddled the fur trimming around my ears, enjoying the warmth.

She held out a bowl. "Here. Have some delicious tentacle soup."

Tentacle soup? I stared at the contents in the bowl before taking it. "Uh, thank you. What's in it?"

"Squid and seaweed noodles. Just what you need to start building your strength up. You look positively gaunt," she said.

Taking the chopsticks, I took my first bite, and it actually tasted pretty good. It was then I realized just how hungry I was, and I began to gulp down the rest as politely as possible. When I was finished, Yugoda sat beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Now tell me, Tashi. How did you end up so badly wounded?" she said.

I set the bowl down. "Most of my scars are from four years ago when my village was attacked by the Fire Nation. The recent ones you healed are from when I was held prisoner."

Her eyes widened a little before she furrowed her brow. "I see."

"It's strange." I stared at the floor. "Everything feels like a huge blur, but when I try to sleep, the memories resurface, and I end up staying awake all night and day. I want to forget the whole thing ever happened, but I know I can't. There's important stuff I need to remember, but my brain feels so scattered."

Standing, Yugoda bended more water from the healing pool. She had me lay down on my back and brought the water up against both sides of my head. I relaxed at the cooling sensation. After a few moments, it felt like my mind was completely clear, and my thoughts became organized.

"Now tell me what ails you, Tashi. Who was the one that hurt you?" Yugoda said.

"It's a long story, but his name is Zhao, a Fire Nation Admiral. He captured me to serve as bait for the Avatar." I cringed. "And other reasons."

She narrowed her eyes. "What other reasons?"

"He…." A tear ran down my cheek. "He…."

"Shh. It's okay." Yugoda nodded. "Take your time."

"He tried to turn me into his personal slave, so I'd give him information, fight for him, and…." I closed my eyes. "When I rebelled, he beat me, and then he left me to bleed and starve in a cell."

"You poor dear," she said.

"But I had someone to look out for me. This other soldier named Natsumi." I smiled. "She tried her best to help me, and I don't think I would have survived without her."

"It sounds like this Natsumi was a good friend." She continued bending the water around my head.

"We weren't friends, not really. But I'll always be thankful for what she did for me." I sighed. "I just wish I could've said goodbye."

"Is there anything else?" she said.

There was, but I wasn't in the mood to discuss the incident further. Now that my thoughts we clear, I was starting to feel better.

"No." I shook my head.

She furrowed her brow. "Are you sure?"

"I'll be fine. I just need time to relax." I sat up. "Besides, I should get back to my friends."

Yugoda didn't look convinced, but she sighed and bended the water back into the pool. "Very well. If you continue to have trouble sleeping, please come see me. Until then, try to take easy, and make sure to eat. If I see you within a week and you still look as sickly, I'm going to drag you back here and feed you myself. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am." I stood and bowed. "Thank you so much."

She smiled. "Anytime, dear."

My body felt rejuvenated with new energy that I swear wasn't there a moment ago. At this rate, I'd finally have the strength to start training again. With a smile, I waved to Yugoda before heading out of the healing hut. Now all I had to do was….

"Tashi, there you are!"

Looking in the direction of the voice, I saw Aang running toward me. "Perfect timing. I was just about to start looking for you guys."

He stopped in front of me and caught his breath. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better and incredibly jealous." I laughed. "Why do water-benders get to be the ones with special healing powers? My life would've been so much simpler if I could do that with air."

"Don't worry. Air-benders have plenty of tricks up our sleeves." He gestured for me to follow him. "Come on. Chief Arnook gave us a house on the west side of the city."

We walked side by side through the icy sidewalks. I glanced around, taking in the scenery. This place really was a spectacle to behold. Although, I couldn't imagine living here. The winter season was nice and all, but being trapped in this kind of environment year round would be torture.

"Tashi?" Aang said.

I looked at him. "Hmm?"

He stopped walking and leaned against his staff. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded. "Trust me. I've bounced back from worse."

His eyes watered. "I'm sorry."

"What?" I said.

"I shouldn't have let Jeong Jeong stop me. I should've tried harder to find you." He sniffled. "You could've died."

"Aang…. There was no guarantee that you would've been able to help me. You know what happened the last time Zhao captured us. We were separated, and he would've won if it hadn't been for the prince." I glanced away with a sigh. "Besides, that whole situation back at Jeong Jeong's was my fault. Don't blame yourself."

He furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"I was walking along the river when I noticed some of Jeong Jeong's men fleeing from a fire in another part of the forest. They told me Fire Nation soldiers had found us, so I went to investigate. I tried to fight Zhao and loss," I said.

"Why would you try to fight him on your own?" he said.

"To kill him of course." I folded my arms. "I was so close too. If I'd kept him in the river just a little bit longer…."

Aang gasped and stepped in front of me. "Seriously, Tashi? How can you be so willing to kill someone?"

"I told you before. I'm not against killing in the act of war," I said.

"Was it an act of war?" He narrowed his eyes. "Or did you just want revenge for what he did to you and your village?"

"Both." My tone was stern. "And why does it matter? Zhao's planning to lay siege to the Northern Water Tribe. If I had managed to stop him, he wouldn't be a threat right now."

"What he's doing isn't the point. What matters is what you're letting yourself turn into. Air Nomads are supposed to find all life precious, and all people deserve a right to humanity." He pointed his staff in my face. "You can't just go around killing people you don't like."

"Humanity?" I scoffed. "I'm not sure what you've seen in Zhao, but he's nothing but a monster. He told me about what the Fire Nation did to the Southern Tribe, and he plans to do the same here. Look around, Aang. What little humanity Zhao has left is not worth the lives of these innocent people."

"Two wrongs don't make a right. You stooped to his level, and he was able to take you away from us. Was that really worth it?" he said.

I stared him down and responded with a firm, "Yes. Because in the Earth Kingdom, we proudly defend our country by any means and die for it with honor. Was my choice back at Jeong Jeong's risky? Yeah. Was it stupid? Probably. But it was a risk worth taking if it meant I could've eliminated a major enemy. And in the end, despite what I was put through, there was a silver lining. I found out about the siege and tons of valuable information that'll help us in the long run."

Brushing Aang's staff aside, I stepped around him.

"And more importantly, I've learned from my mistakes." I headed down the path. "I'll have to be smarter about my strategy once Zhao arrives, and then I can finally end this."

Aang followed me. "After everything that happened, you're still going after him? Tashi, you can't do this."

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. "Why not? He needs to be taken down anyway, and I'll be the one to do it."

He groaned. "Fine. If you don't give up your pursuit of Zhao, then–"

I stopped walking and turned to face him. "Then what?"

He shifted his gaze from me to the ground while biting his lip. "Then I won't train you anymore. I'm not gonna to let you taint our sacred teachings for pointless violence."

"Okay." I shrugged.

"What?" Aang's wide eyes snapped back to me. "What do you mean, okay? You're willing to throw away learning about our culture for revenge?"

"So what? You're willing to not teach the only other air-bender in the world, for the sake of holding on to your petty traditions." I ran a hand through my hair. "However, I'm willing to respect that. You have a right to do things your way, and I have a right to do things my way."

"But…." he said.

I raised an eyebrow. "And hopefully you're mature enough to extend me the same courtesy? I'm not changing my mind on this, Aang."

He looked like he still wanted to argue, but he slumped his shoulders and nodded. "You're free to do what you want, but at least think about what I said. The Monks used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat-viper. As you watch your enemy go down, you're being poisoned yourself."

"Unfortunately the world isn't that simple, but I assure you that the only thing Zhao's death will bring me is peace." I started walking. "Now, come on. Katara and Sokka are waiting."

The walk to the guest house was silent and uncomfortable, and Aang refused to look at me. I had already warned him that this was going to be an issue between us, but he didn't seem to get it. Not every situation was black and white, nor was there always a neat and tidy solution for every problem.

We reached the guest house, and I followed Aang through the curtain that served as a door. Katara and Sokka were busy setting up our things. I walked over to Katara to help her with one of the sleeping bags.

She smiled. "Oh, Tashi. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. Yugoda did a great job." I set the sleeping bag on the floor.

Aang slumped past us and leaned against the wall with a frown on his face.

"Aang, you okay?" Katara said.

He remained silent.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and whispered, "We had a little disagreement on the way here, and he's still upset."

She furrowed her brow. "What happened?"

"I'll explain later. Hey, Sokka?" I walked over to him.

"What's up?" He threw some sticks into the fireplace.

"Do you have anything to write on and with?" I smiled. "Thanks to Yugoda, my mind is finally clear enough, and I have a surprise you'll love."

Katara pointed across the room. "Actually, I think I saw a bunch of parchment and brushes in drawer over there."

"Perfect." I made my way over.

The drawer was attached to a table made of ice with an animal-skin cloth covering it. I retrieved what I needed and got to work. Page after page, I sketched out the images that had been brought to the forefront of my mind with Yugoda's healing in excessive detail. I could feel the others staring over my shoulder with curiosity, but I tried my best to stay focused. I was on the last page when Sokka took one of the parchments that had finished drying.

His eyes widened. "No way. You know what the Fire Lord looks like!"

"What?" Aang rushed over to Sokka and looked at the picture. "Well, at least his portrait doesn't look terrifying."

"All fire-benders look normal until they try to burn you alive," Sokka said.

"I've got dirt on all of the royal family actually." I completed the last few sketches before setting the brush down. "And maps of the Fire Nation."

I picked up another page that had dried and held it up for everyone.

"See. This one is of the Capital City," I said.

"Wow." Katara glanced the map over. "It's such perfect detail. How did you…?"

"Hey, I wasn't second in command of the Freedom Fighters just because I was Jet's girlfriend. I have a picture perfect memory." I tapped the side of my head with a smirk.

Sokka started going through the maps. "But how did you get all of this information?"

"Uh…." I glanced away. "I came across a bunch of scrolls during one of my escape attempts on Zhao's ship. I read as much as I could until they found me."

"Then thank the spirits for your picture perfect memory. When the time is right, we can use these to make a plan to defeat the Fire Nation. They'll never know what hit them," he said.

"I knew you'd love this." I rolled up each parchment into a neat pile. "And they're yours to keep safe guard of."

Sokka took the scrolls and started organizing them among his belongings. Katara and Aang went to another part of the room to talk, and I sighed. The three of them would never know the humiliation I had to go through to acquire most of this information. Yugoda had been right. I didn't tell her everything, and I didn't think I could tell anyone any time soon. However, I hoped I'd be able to sleep without Zhao's disgusting image haunting my nightmares for once.

When I was sure everyone wasn't looking, I tucked one extra scroll away for myself. Why? Well, because it had nothing to do with the Fire Nation, or so I suspected. It depicted the vast Earth Kingdom desert with one small image labelled: Secret Spirit Library. Why Zhao had a scroll like that I didn't know. A library for spirits? Was that possible? The Spirit World wasn't easy to get into. Aang barely knew how, and he was the Avatar. It was possible that it was only some rumor, but it peaked my interest enough to remember.

I bit my lip and stared at the icy wall in front of me. There had also been another scroll, but I never had a chance to read it. All I saw, in the split second I came across it, was the image of two fish. Without any context, I wrote it off as unimportant. I mean, I had been on a ship in the middle of the ocean after all. Why would there be anything significant about a couple of fish?