Chapter Twenty-One: Be The Leaf

"Show me that move you did yesterday," Aang said.

It was the late afternoon, almost evening, when we started my next lesson. Aang already looked tired from the rigorous training Pakku had put him through that morning, and he let out a small yawn. I took a firm stance and punched at the icy wall in front of us, and the attack was the same as before. Aang looked at the dent in the wall with a frown.

"How long have you've been able to do that?" he said.

I broke my stance and stood up straight. "Two days ago."

He shifted his gaze to me. "What are you thinking about when you attack?"

"A lot of things." I shrugged. "I'm mostly letting out my frustration."

"And that's the problem." He stepped closer to me. "You're using anger to power your attacks. Air-bending is not about being aggressive. We're gonna have to break you out of that habit first before we can move forward."

I sighed. "Okay. Where do you wanna start?"

"We'll begin with meditating." He sat down with his legs crossed.

I sat across from him.

He rested his hands against his knees. "You need to learn to let your anger go. To move beyond your past. You're too focused on the pain that you've experienced, and it's holding you back."

I raised an eyebrow. "How can I move beyond something that's still a part of my present?"

"Through forgiveness." He smiled. "It's the first step to the process of healing."

"You mentioned that before, but what am I forgiving?" I said.

"Not what. Who," he said.

"You don't mean Zhao? Please tell me you're joking? What makes you think he deserves my forgiveness?" I scoffed. "He wouldn't even care. He'd just view it as weakness."

"This isn't about him. This is about you." Aang glanced to the side with a solemn expression. "I know you think I don't understand what you're going through, but I do. The Fire Nation killed all of our people, and yet I'm not driven by revenge or anger."

"Would you say that if Sozin was still alive? It's easy to forgive someone who died a long time ago," I said.

Aang returned his gaze to me, and his brow was furrowed like he hadn't expected my response. However, before he could say anything, I screamed as my legs sunk into the ice. I was drenched up to my waist in the freezing water, and before I could move, it solidified. My body temperature plummeted as the cold seeped into my bones, and no amount of struggling could free me. Laughter erupted behind me, and I instantly recognized one of the voices.

"Hahn," I hissed.

Aang floated to his feet, and melted the ice back into a puddle. I climbed out and shivered, my legs trembling. Mustering a breath, I did my best to dry myself off while Hahn and two of his friends came out from their hiding spot.

"Not so tough now, are you, Outsider?" Hahn sneered at me. "Good thing the Avatar was here to save you this time."

"Yeah, hiding behind your friend's bending makes you look so tough." I glared at him. "How many times do I have to break your nose before you get the message?"

I stomped over to Hahn, but Aang placed his hand on my arm, stopping me.

"What?" I said.

"You don't need to resort to violence. There's always another way." Aang looked at Hahn and his friends. "You guys can leave. We have no desire to fight you."

"Yeah, well I have a score to settle." Hahn narrowed his eyes at me before returning his attention to Aang with a smirk. "Then again, I could let everything go, Avatar. If your girlfriend apologizes."

Aang's eyes widened, his cheeks flushing bright pink, and he held his hands up in protest. "Wait, she's not–"

I snorted. "Apologize for what? You being incompetent?"

"Incompetent?" Hahn turned up his nose at me. "I'm betrothed to Princess Yue and will become the next Chief of the tribe."

"Yikes." I grimaced. "What did you do? Bribe her father?"

"No." He glared at me. "Chief Arnook recognizes me as an excellent warrior and worthy leader. I've even been chosen to lead the secret attack against Admiral Choy."

"You mean Zhao?" Aang said.

"That's what I said." Hahn grinned. "I'll take Choy down like he's nothing and save the whole tribe."

I stared at him, blinking a few times, before bursting into a fit of laughter.

"What's so funny?" he said.

"You're going to defeat Zhao?" I held my sides. "Yeah right! You couldn't fight your way out of a soggy sleeping bag!"

"You take that back right now!" Hahn charged at me.

Using my open palm, I blasted him back with a gust of air until he crashed into his friends.

Hahn groaned and jumped to his feet. "That does it!"

"Enough!" Aang jumped in between us. "Leave my friend alone. I'm not gonna ask you again."

Hahn shifted his gaze from Aang to me and back. "Fine. We'll settle this score on the battlefield, Outsider. You'll see once I take down Admiral Choy."

If he can't even get his name right, I doubt this idiot will get far. I rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say."

He huffed before storming off with his friends trailing behind him. I groaned and walked back to the spot Aang and I had been training.

Aang walked beside me. "That was perfect and exactly what I'm trying to teach you. We didn't have to resort to violence to deal with Hahn, and we only fought in defense when it was absolutely necessary."

"That only worked because you're with me, and that idiot has more respect for the Avatar than he does women." I kicked at a loose pile of snow.

"Well, don't focus your energy on him. He isn't worth it." He sat back down. "Let's continue."

"Alright." I returned to my spot across from him. "And you didn't answer my last question. If Sozin were still alive, would you go after him for what he did to our people?"

Aang was hesitant again, and he remained quiet for a few minutes before finally shaking his head. "No. Pursuing him for the sake of revenge wouldn't benefit me in the long run, and harboring that much anger and hatred within me for so long wouldn't be healthy."

"Okay." I bit my lip. "And what about when we were captured by those archers, and Zhao separated us. You didn't feel any anger then? You weren't tempted to beat Zhao to pulp?"

"I…." Aang shook his head again. "I was terrified and worried, but no. I didn't."

"What about when I went missing at Jeong Jeong's. You didn't know that I had challenged Zhao on purpose, and you said Jeong Jeong had to stop you. What exactly happened?" I said.

He sighed. "When Zhao showed up, he boasted about how he had captured you, and how he was gonna end the Air Nomads for good. For a brief second, I lost control."

I raised an eyebrow. "Lost control how?"

"My eyes and tattoos glow. I suddenly become more powerful and can bend elements that I haven't mastered yet. But I have no control of what I'm doing. It just seems to happen at random." He frowned. "The most I can remember is destroying Zhao's river boats and demanding to have you returned. He said he'd spare your life if I surrendered. That's when Jeong Jeong stepped in and told us to flee."

"Why did you listen? You could've taken down Zhao and went to find me," I said.

"Because I couldn't control my actions." He furrowed his brow. "I was filled with blinding rage and pain and kept destroying everything around me. Katara had to calm me down, and once she did, I was completely wiped out. We had no choice but to run."

I thought for a minute. "Sounds to me like this uncontrollable state is triggered by strong emotions, and because you haven't mastered it yet, you turn into a force of destruction."

"Exactly." He smiled. "Giving into strong negative emotions causes you to lose control of yourself. You react impulsively and can put yourself and others in danger. And in your case, your abilities have become destructive."

"I see your point," I said.

I did react impulsively that day. If I was going to succeed in my revenge, I needed to be more calculating, decisive, and level-headed in my actions. My movements had to be stronger, more agile, and more precise. Zhao was all about power and ego, and I would make his prized strengths his greatest weaknesses. For a few days, I would be the ideal, cold stone assassin.

All I had to do was play along until Aang helped me master air-bending. What? Now, don't look at me like that. I gave him a fair warning last night that there was a high probability that I wouldn't change my mind, but he's so convinced that Air Nomad traditions are the only way to do things.

Or at least the only way for me to do things. I listened while Aang instructed me on proper meditation.

It was funny. One would think he'd look down on anyone, but something told me he wasn't going to lecture the warriors and water-benders of the Northern Tribe on the ethics of non-violence. After all, once the Fire Nation arrived, they weren't going to fight with peace and forgiveness. They were going to do whatever it took to defend their people, which included killing. Up until this point, I don't think Aang had seen what the aftermath of a proper battle was like. Would he take it well?

I know he won't take my actions well. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. He'll probably see it as a betrayal, or worse, a failure on his part.

That's what annoyed me the most about Aang's view. He kept acting like he was trying to save me. Whether it from something else or myself, I wasn't sure, but it was far too late for that. I had killed before, and unfortunately, Zhao wasn't going to be my last. However, one thing was clear. Once I mastered air-bending, my journey with the Avatar was going to come to an end.

Not that I didn't like Aang, or Sokka, or Katara, or Appa, or even Momo, but I felt like it was time for me to figure out some stuff on my own. The conversation we had the previous night really hit home for me. I should've been married off by now and trying to start a family behind the secure walls of Ba Sing Se, but I wasn't. Aang also wasn't the pinnacle of my journey in discovering this missing half of my heritage. No, he was only the beginning.

I would learn and carry on the Air Nomad traditions my way. I had that right. Although, I would have to make my exit discreet. I wouldn't get away otherwise, but that was a plan for another day. In the mean time, I'd focus on my training.

Aang exhaled. "And done. Did you feel your chi move more freely throughout your body? Did your mind become clearer?"

I opened my eyes and let a small smile grace my lips. "Yeah, everything's become very clear."

"Great!" Eyes brightening, he jumped to his feet. "Now the real training begins."

The next thing I knew, we had ventured out onto the rough cliffs of compacted ice that bordered the citadel. I scanned the area. It was an endless tundra as far as the eye could see, and the wind whipped harder across the slippery surface, making me shiver.

How can people live here? I looked at Aang, my teeth chattering a little. "Is there a reason you brought me up into this frozen wasteland?"

He laughed. "You only see a frozen wasteland because you're looking at this from the wrong perspective."

Walking toward the edge of the cliff, he gestured out to the open ocean ahead.

"This is the perfect spot to practice some real gliding." He opened his staff.

I glanced down at the jagged sculptures of ice that stuck out from the crashing waves. "Seems safe to me."

"Come on, lighten up. Air-bending isn't all about rules. It's also about having fun." He held out his glider for me to take. "And there's nothing more fun or freeing than soaring through the air without a care in the world."

I had never flown on my own before. I got a taste of what Aang's glider was like when he recused me from Zhao, but I was too out of it to enjoy the experience. Taking the glider, I returned my attention to the ocean. If the fall or the ice didn't kill me, the freezing water would definitely do the trick. There was no room for error.

"So…." I licked my lips, which were slowly becoming chapped from the bitter air. "How do I not die?"

"Simple. Use the glider to control the air currents around you." He took a stance, showing me how to hold it. "Make sure to place your hands evenly apart, so you maintain balance."

"Okay. Here goes nothing." I held out my hand.

Aang handed me the glider, and I positioned it as he instructed.

"Good." He nodded. "And don't be afraid, Tashi. You're an air-bender. We laugh in the face of gravity. Ha ha ha ha."

He smiled brightly at me, but I couldn't muster the courage to return it. Maybe I'd be less tense if we weren't practicing in an environment that screamed uncertain doom? Either way, it's not like I had a choice. I had to learn as much as I could from Aang before Zhao arrived, and unfortunately for me, that included flying in the North Pole.

"Oh, and if it helps, give yourself a running start. And make sure to give yourself a boost by bending through your feet. And while you're in the air, also try to keep your mouth closed, so you don't swallow a bug." He gave me two thumbs up. "You've got this."

I took a deep breath and gulped down my nerves. It was too slippery to run, but I bent my knees and boosted myself upward. I propelled several feet in the air, and the glider caught the current, sending me flying backwards. I screamed as I was blown away. The wind was too strong, and when I tried to force my way through, the glider was struck out of my hands. With another yell, I plummeted back toward the ground, but before I could splat against the icy surface, I blasted a gust of air beneath me. My landing was still rough, and I groaned at the sudden pain shooting through my muscles.

"Tashi!" Aang rushed over to me with a furrowed brow. "Are you okay?"

"Never better." I grimaced at him and heard the glider land beside me with a loud clank.

"Hmm. I think know what the problem is," he said.

….

The next morning, I found myself at Pakku's training grounds. I had arrived right as his session ended, and now I stood before a maze of thin gates made of ice. Katara was still practicing in the training circle, and Pakku was watching from a distance while eating soup.

"What exactly is this, Aang?" I said.

Smiling, he gestured to the structure. "This is a traditional training tool for air-benders. While it's not the real thing, I had Master Pakku make a pretty decent replica."

I shifted my gaze between him and the maze. "How do we use it?"

"The goal is to weave your way through the gates and make it to the other side without touching them." He blew a gust of air forward. "While the gates are spinning."

Aang took a stance and flawlessly weaved himself through the whirling maze to the other side. He made it look so easy, and I could tell I wasn't going to have the same luck.

He walked over to me. "The key is to be like the leaf. You gotta flow with the movement of the gates."

I thought for a minute. "So, this is like what you were teaching me about flowing with the air currents?"

He nodded. "You're still trying to force your way through everything, and I think this is a better way for you to learn. Now remember, when you feel resistance in the air, you need to be able to change direction at a moment's notice."

"Alright." I took a stance.

Aang sent another gust of air through the gates, and I hesitated. They were moving fast, and I could barely spot an opening. He said to move with the air, so I paid close attention to the different directions the gates were spinning. Stepping forward, I tried to enter the maze in motion with the first gate as it twirled inward, and success. I was in, but there was no time to celebrate. The gate to the left of me spun the opposite way and slammed into my arm. I jolted to the right and was struck by the next gate in front. Before I knew it, I was flung out of the maze. Thankfully, the fresh fallen snow had caught my fall, and I groaned in frustration.

"You okay?" His posture relaxed when I nodded. "You were off to a good start. Try again."

I stood and approached the maze. The idea is to not let the gates touch me, right? Maybe if I viewed this from a different perspective?

I imagined that the gates were on fire, and continuing with my first strategy, I swept past the first gate. Keeping my arms tight to my body, I tried to tip-toe past the next gates, but I was too slow. Once again, I was sent flying out onto the snow.

I sat up and put a hand to my head. "Man, this is hard."

"You're worrying too much about dodging what you're seeing instead of what you're feeling. You need to feel the air around you." Aang sent a gentle stream of air in my direction. "Feel the resistance the air is creating and find another path."

I shuddered while I focused on the breeze washing over me. "Feeling instead of seeing, huh?"

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a strip of cloth. I had brought multiple in case I injured myself and needed a quick patch up. Aang watched me in confusion while I blindfolded myself.

"Wait. That isn't necessary," he said.

"If I can't see, then I'll be forced to feel what's around me." I took my stance. "Now, let's do this."

I waited for Aang to start the maze once more before approaching it with determined steps. I could hear the gates whipping around, and I sensed the different air currents it created. I found the one that was moving forward and followed it. I stopped when I felt two currents push outward around it. I needed to let the current in the middle pull me inward, so I stepped past what I presumed was the first gate.

I kept my arms tight and away from the opposing current to my left, and then I felt it. Right as the current of the first gate pulled me in, the one in front of it was pulling me further but in the opposite direction. Immediately, I changed course and followed its lead. I continued letting the wind guide me into its winding path until it was free. Peaking out of my blindfold, I realized that I had reached the other side of the maze.

Aang laughed and jumped in the air. "You did it!"

Katara walked up beside him and applauded. "Good job, Tashi. That was great."

"Thanks." I made my way over to them. "But I still have a ways to go. I'm going to practice some more, and maybe we can see if I can do this without the blindfold tomorrow?"

"Of course." Aang beamed at me. "Once you get the hang of it, we'll trying gliding again."

"Well, I'm impressed, Avatar."

The three of us looked up to see Pakku. He stood with his hands behind his back and gave Aang an amused smirk.

"If only you were as good of student as you are a teacher, we'd actually make some progress," he said.

I heard Aang sigh, and shook my head with a smile. Guess he still hasn't learned after Jeong Jeong.