AN: Hello, FF and Harry Potter fans. I do not own Harry Potter, but feel free to enjoy this or hate it. If you enjoy it, please leave a lovely comment, if you hate it, then leave some constructive criticism, thanks!

Can You Take the Jump?

Chapter 61

Lily clutched her Headmaster's expensive and luxurious wizarding robes, uncaring if she was wrinkling them. "She has to be here."

With a worried expression, Dumbledore's lips turned into a firm and thin line as he solemnly shook his head.

"Your sister never came back to Hogwarts."

…

"Severus!" Lily pounded on the door to the Slytherin common room. "Severus Snape! You open this door right now, or I swear to Merlin I will break this door down! Severus!"

The stone wall remained unmoving.

"Se—"

Just as she was about to gear up for another shouting match with the wall, someone yanked her back with shocking ease.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Severus, Avery, and Regulus Black stood behind her. They wore hoods and coats to cover themselves from the weather. They smelled of the outside, the woody must, and the frost. The cold radiated off them, chilling Lily from simply standing next to them. They looked tired but freshly washed.

It was the first time she found herself with all of them together. They were big, both literally and metaphorically. It was like the three of them created an additive effect, their presence looming over her, overpowering her. It felt scary feeling so…small. Lily was not a small girl, she was quite a bit taller than most of her friends, standing around 175cm (5ft 9in), but these boys made her feel tiny.

The irony was Hermione was significantly smaller than she was, only barely reaching 160cm (5ft 3in), yet she never seemed small. Sure, she was physically smaller than the boys, but her presence never seemed overshadowed, rather a guiding light that pulled or dragged the three others along.

Severus noticed the redness of her eyes from the tears she had spilled. He pulled her aside, away from their cumulative overwhelming presence. "I thought you were in St. Mungo's recuperating from the fire," his voice was soft as his eyes glanced over her bandages. His tone was kind and there was no inkling of judgment, but Lily couldn't help but cover herself with her hand and turn her body to hide her scars.

Noticing her insecurity, Severus reached out to touch her hair, but Lily pulled back quickly.

"What were you doing outside? I thought you were…" she looked back at the stone wall that led to the Slytherin common room.

"We were training. Slytherins soundproofed it, and some of the kids warded it," Avery told her. "Ever since Evan—your sister—threatened to break it down. I guess you guys are more alike than I assumed."

"Is she inside?" Lily quickly went to the matter at hand, "Is Hermione inside? She's just not attending classes like usual, right? Where is she?" Lily looked at all of them desperately. These boys were the only Slytherins she knew her sister would hang out with. They would surely know what happened. "I know you know where she is! Where is she?!"

"Shit." Regulus shook his head, "We were waiting for you to get out of the hospital to tell us. But if you don't know…" he trailed off, glancing back and forth between the other two boys, having a silent conversation with their eyes. "We don't know."

Lily studied their dulled reactions. Their reaction to Hermione's disappearance wasn't like Dumbledore's at all. "You knew she wasn't going to return to Hogwarts?"

Severus managed to grimace, but the other boys didn't seem to care at her tone of offence.

"No," Sev quickly defended. "We weren't sure of her plans either, no one knows what Hermione's going to do, but…we had a hunch."

"When."

"Lily, maybe you should go back to your dorm and rest—"

"Don't patronize me, Severus!" She slapped his hand away. Severus blinked at how much Lily seemed like Hermione at that moment. "When did you know my sister wouldn't come back to Hogwarts?"

"At the hospital. After you said goodbye to your parents."

"AFTER THE GOODBY—" Lily clamped her mouth shut and turned away from the boys to manage the rage and betrayal she felt. "You knew?" She whispered.

Severus glanced behind, looking at the boys as he nodded. He pulled her further away, fighting with Lily who tried to pull away continuously.

"Can you—Lily stop!"

"YOU KNEW!" Lily threw her hands and hit him with all her might. "Why didn't you stop her?! If you knew, why didn't you stop her?"

"She came to Hogwarts, okay?" He spoke under his breath. He grabbed her fists, effectively stopping her with surprising strength. "She came here for one night. She didn't even come inside the castle. She asked me to go to the room of requirement to find her a spare wand since hers has been missing since the fire, then she gave me a list of things to do, set goals for training, and things like that. Then she left."

"I-I can't believe it." She stumbled. "I can't believe she just left."

"Why wouldn't she?" Regulus scoffed.

Lily whipped around to the boy who was younger than her. Just a fourth year that Hermione had taken under her wing, probably for Sirius so that he could stop worrying about his younger brother being influenced by other Slytherins.

"What did you say?"

"Why wouldn't she leave? With a House that's festering with kids who're related to people that tried to kill her just this past holiday, and a sister who thinks she's a monster, why in Merlin's name would she fucking stay?" Regulus challenged. Avery tried holding him back but the Sirius-mini-me pushed him off. "Stop acting so distraught you attention-seeking bitch, as if you care! As if you fucking care! You're so fucking blind to everything, it's a wonder you're even able to get around! She did everything for you! She trained us to keep you safe! And then you go bitching at her for saving your life, just because it wasn't the way you would do it? Are you fucked?!"

"Black!" Severus pushed him back, furiously whispering things in his ear, but Regulus didn't care.

"She didn't just leave you! She left all of us! All because of YOU!"

"Avery! Take Black to his dorm," Severus commanded. Avery quickly jumped to his feet, grabbing a fighting Regulus and pulling him into the Slytherin common room. Lily and Severus watched as the walls cut off his cursing words.

Severus let out a long sigh. He looked tired. Like, Hermione tired. Then again, if he was left to fill in Hermione's empty shoes, Lily didn't blame him.

"Sorry about that. Don't take his words to heart. Black—Regulus, I mean—really looks up to Hermione since she saved Sirius. Kind of idolizes her. Never seen him blush around other girls in his year, but blushes when Hermione tells him that his training went well, you know?"

Lily knew but chose not to respond. She just kept staring at the wall where Avery and Regulus Black disappeared. The truth had been screamed by a boy she barely knew. It was what everyone else was thinking too, so why would they censor themselves for her? To spare her feelings?

"Why didn't you stop her, Sev?" Instead of the accusatory tone she'd taken in the beginning, she could hear her voice. It was dejected. Tired, just like Severus was. "You knew she was leaving."

"How would I stop her, Lily? How could I be your sister's keeper if you can't even be one for her? Perhaps Alphard was when he was alive, but no one can replace Alphard in her life. No one will understand her or her disease as he did because no one can devote their entire life to her as he did. So, when we lost him…when she lost him, Hermione changed. No one is her bloody keeper because she won't let anyone. She will never allow herself to be open to that level of pain ever again." Severus's eyes searched hers to see if some level of understanding, but Lily refused to look him in the eyes. "Lils," he dropped his grip, and his voice softened. "I think…I think she's always planned on leaving and doing things on her own. But once she's done, she'll come back."

Lily turned to look at him. He looked convinced. Confident. He trusted that Hermione would return in a way Lily couldn't.

"But if you're trying to look for her, you could try her room," Severus gave her a small smile, less assured than his determination that Hermione would return. "She might have left some clues as to what her plans were or where she is staying. She borrowed quite a bit of money from Avery and Black. There might be bank statements in the bin or something. I wouldn't count on it since Hermione's so thorough, but…it's something."

…

Unlike how she ran to the Slytherin dungeons, her heart thundered for a much different reason as she climbed the stairs to see her sister's room. She'd only been a handful of times to drop off some food when Hermione caved herself in after Alphard's death. Lily had been truly terrified for Hermione during that time. Even when the Slytherins were bullying her, Lily hadn't felt that level of fear for her sister. Hermione had seemed so lifeless after his death. As awful as it is, Lily hadn't realized the affection between the two. Sure, she knew they were closer than a normal patient and doctor, she'd seen them joke around, feeling comfortable, and being wholesome, but it wasn't until her sister's absolute destruction after Alphard's death did Lily realize that it had been. So. Much. More.

Lily took her time climbing the stairs to the 7th floor, putting one foot in front of the other, uncaring for the first time in her life about something as minuscule and insignificant as a curfew. After going through a traumatic and life-threatening experience like burning to death, a professor, Filch, or a painting reprimanding her for staying up too late was probably the least intimidating thing she could think of right now.

Perhaps this was how Hermione walked through life. With everything she Saw through her magic Seeing eye, academic consequences and misdemeanours were probably the last thing that fazed her. No wonder she never blinked an eye when their professors told her off for being late or missing class.

Lily could just picture her sister taking these stairs every day to go to her room. All these tiring and endless stairs, just so that she could lie down and not sleep. Instead, planning everyone else's lives so they would survive this war she'd seen since she was a newborn baby.

Her heart thundered in her ears. The unbelievable burden her sister had taken on made Lily's heart rattle from the mere thought of it all. It was no wonder she never made friends, if she did, it would just add to the list of people she had to save. Mum, dad, Petunia, herself, Sirius, and Severus. Then she had to save the friends and family of those core people, so Miss Prince, James, Remus, Peter, Regulus, Alice, Marlene, Mary, and…Lyana. Each person branched out with different connections, each adding the burden of having to save from a war that no one seemed to be able to stop even though they'd all seen it coming through the papers.

And Lily had called her a monster and accused her because one of the branches in her forest of people she had to save had broken off despite her best efforts.

The endless stairs were not so endless because Lily found herself standing on the seventh floor within a blink of an eye. She hacked a cough, her lungs not fully healed from the fire. She walked in the direction of the tapestry that depicted the infamous Barnabas the Barmy trying to teach trolls ballet.

Hermione might have never opened up, but it was becoming clearer to Lily that she never really reached out either. When had they become like this? They weren't even enemies; as Petunia said, they were strangers, and somehow that felt worse.

She remembered the day her parents finally brought Hermione home from the hospital, the sister she'd heard so much about; smart and thoughtful, but quiet and reserved. Her parents had reassured both sisters that while Hermione might need some time to warm up to everyone, once she did, she'd open up to them and it would be like she had always been a part of this family from the very beginning.

How could she have believed such a wishful lie? But she did. Lily believed her parents as she excitedly waited to meet her dearest younger sister. She remembered telling her parents everything she was going to do and share with Hermione. Little girls that age didn't like to share, but Lily was beyond happy to share everything she had, even her most precious things because she wasn't just a sister, but her twin. Her forever best friend. Her person.

To say that Hermione hadn't met Lily's expectations would be an understatement. The boney small girl their parents brought through their front door wasn't the girl Lily had imagined in her mind, nor the girl her parents described. Hermione wasn't just smart, she was a genius. She wasn't just quiet, she was stoic and solemn, she wasn't just thoughtful, she was a mind-reader, sometimes a manipulator, and even a gaslighter. She wasn't reserved, she was cold, distant, and…terrifying. She knew that baby unicorns were golden, but their death provided more benefits through their blood, meat, skin, hair, and horns. She knew mermaids sang lovely longs in the water but could stab you with a spear and drown you.

Open up? Be a part of the family? It didn't matter how much time passed.

It took Lily years to realize that she was a burden to her sister, someone she loved but was ultimately a burden. Or maybe it was the love itself that was the burden. So, Lily tried harder, and she studied more to become a better witch to show Hermione that she wasn't a burden. As the better grades and numerous accolades from her professors started raking in, Lily turned to her sister, hoping she would put down some of that weight on her shoulders, but Hermione had deemed Lily's shoulders too narrow and weak to bear any weight and nothing was going to change it.

It was exhausting trying to prove herself trustworthy and dependable. She felt tired of trying to catch up to Hermione's impossible level of maturity in order to be her shoulder to lean on or her ear to whisper to. She was tired of trying to get her twin to be her best friend, so she changed as well. Her mentality when from "Let's be soulmates and do everything and share everything" to, "If you're not going to tell me what you want, I'll tell you what I want." She gave up trying to figure out what Hermione needed and started demanding things: hang out with me, be nice to my friends, come to this party, watch this film with me, come shopping with my muggle friends, tell me about your relationship, I'm doing this, you should do that, etc. At some point, Lily didn't want to get to know Hermione anymore, she just wanted her to be the sister she'd imagined so that they could have that perfect relationship. All because she couldn't fucking let go.

Hermione wasn't stupid, she saw it happen. She knew she was being replaced by a sister Lily had created in her mind, someone that didn't exist, but she had played along because she loved her and knew she couldn't give Lily what she truly wanted.

For a while, Lily had been fine with their unspoken façade. But when Lyana died in her arms, everything changed.

The façade was broken and Lily wanted the imaginary-sister-Hermione to be real. She didn't need Hermione's unmoving mask and emotional rock to act as an anchor. Lily needed someone who shared her level of trauma and pain, someone who was equally as confused and appalled by the needless cruelty, someone who cried and showed the loss they felt when their family disappeared in green flames.

"I guess we're both foolish, Barnabas." She told the infamous wizard, a swing from a troll club grazing him dangerously close as he yelled at the trolls to perform ballet.

Lily closed her eyes and wished to the wall behind her, I need to see my sister. Please I need to feel connected to her, so show me her room.

The stone wall crumbled behind her to form the familiar door to Hermione's room, but before she could even turn around fully, the doors opened.

"HERMIONE!" The voices of two people echoed in the empty hall.

Lily's huge smile immediately dropped when the person walking out of her sister's room wasn't even a girl.

Sirius's feet skidded to a halt when he noticed Lily's distinguishable features.

"Oh." They both spoke with disappointed expressions.

"You're back." He told her, not so discretely looking down the hall as if she'd hide Hermione from him. "Alone."

Lily nodded.

"She's gone, isn't she?" He asked, teeth clenched.

Tears welled up in her eyes as distraught visibly coursed through Sirius's body.

"She left me?"

He dropped to the ground, completely demoralized. Lily was openly sobbing, as her thoughts echoed back to her through Sirius's words.

She ran towards him and hugged him as his body shook with tears, so she held him as he cried, crying along with him, sharing their regrets, sorrows, and longing for Hermione. The words they should have said to her barrelling out of them as tears and sobs.

…

Sirius and Lily sat in a breakfast corner as a cart of tea and biscuits rolled towards them. Hermione's room was comforting them in a way that was uniquely Hermione. It was almost laughable because of its irony if it wasn't saddening at the same time.

She wasn't sure which of them had done it, or perhaps it was Hermione's lingering hospitality, but the Room of Requirement had changed a small part of Hermione's large bedroom into the breakfast nook in her home in Cokesworth before it was all burnt down. It felt and looked so real, even the smell. She felt as if she could turn around and her mother would step out with a tray of cookies.

He looked tired, as though he hadn't slept. It annoyed her how good he still looked despite the dark circles under his eyes like it was part of an aesthetic. Still dressed in the school uniform, Lily's inner Prefect wanted to nag at his improper way of wearing the uniform, but the sleeves rolled allowed Lily to see something that made her eyes bulge out. A ratty piece of string, nearly greyish white because all the colour had washed out, but around the old original knot she could see the colour. Hermione's Love bracelet, the one Lily had given all of them when they were in 3rd year. It had finally broken and Sirius was wearing it.

"What?" He asked, catching on her stare.

"No-Nothing," she lifted the teacup. "This is good."

"I don't know what it is, it's Hermione's."

Lily nodded, her sister always had good taste. Her endless wisdom somehow equated to having unbelievably timeless good taste. You couldn't find a single picture of her where she looked tacky in any of her clothing.

"Sirius," she hesitated before asking the rest of her question. "Have you been in this room for the past two weeks?"

He briefly glanced up but didn't respond as he dipped a biscotti into his tea. His silence was answer enough.

"Have you seen anything that might tell us where she's gone?"

He shook his head this time.

With no more questions, they had their late-night tea in silence, not feeling the need to fill the quiet with incessant chatter.

Lily had never thought that she and Sirius had many things in common, but at this moment, they were shockingly similar. They both loved Hermione in their own ways, and they both resented Hermione in their own ways. However, only one of them spewed hate at her.

"Don't you resent me?" Lily whispered, almost fearful of his answer. "For how I treated her?"

For a while, Lily didn't think he was going to warrant her a response. He sipped his tea most elegantly, the way she'd seen purebloods do it at their table as if they were having high tea in the middle of the Great Hall. When she was younger she tried to mimic their posture and aura, jealous of their effortless elegance, only to expose herself as exactly what she didn't want to be known as; a jealous copycat.

It was Hermione who had outed her. It wasn't through malicious intent, obviously. Hermione had tried helping her correct her form by showing her how to sit and drink tea like the purebloods, but all it did was show how easily Hermione could achieve something that Lily had spent days secretly trying to learn.

"Of course I do."

Sirius's blatant words slapped her. She had expected it, it would have been weird if Sirius held no resentment at all, but the truth hurt more than she cared to admit.

"But I don't make it a habit to kick people when they're already down. You do that well enough for the both of us."

"Right…"

"Also, Hermione would be upset with me if she found out that I was being cold to you, and I can't afford the possibility of her being upset with me when she gets back because then my reason for being upset with her won't stand as strong."

He was pouting. It was kind of adorable. Lily mostly saw Sirius as a rad and cool guy, but somehow her sister had made the coolest guy in school into the biggest puppy dog.

"What's your relationship with your brother like?" She asked, thinking about the kid that had yelled at her earlier.

"I…Regulus and I have a complicated relationship."

"More complicated than me and Hermione's?" She challenged.

"Well, I was never the bitch to Regulus like the way you were to Hermione if that's what you're asking."

Lily scoffed, "Hermione was plenty bitchy too, you just never saw it because you were too love-struck."

"I was, wasn't I?"

She paused at his admission, not expecting it.

"She makes me blind and stupid. She'd drive a knife to my heart to fulfill her plans, but I'd kiss her because she's finally close enough for me to touch her."

Lily set her cup down and reached over to hold Sirius's hand. People are expendable to her. That's what James had said and she'd gotten mad at him, but she couldn't help but wonder if there was a grain of truth. Not that people were expendable per se, but some had higher priority than others. She did not doubt that her sister loved Sirius, which is why she'd placed him as part of the core group in her mental list of Hermione's must-save but never once did Lily think that Hermione could even think of driving a knife through her heart.

"Severus thinks she'll return."

Sirius's head jerked.

"When?"

She shrugged, "but I'm not sure if it'll make a big difference for me."

Her sister loved her, yet it was Lily who'd been the true monster to her sister. Lily bullied her sister like those Slytherins had, all because Hermione didn't love the same way she did. In her blindness, Lily took too long to realize that Hermione needed things from her as well. Things she'd been too immature and too blind through grief, depression, and just dumb teenage angst to give until it was too late.

Hermione left without receiving any acknowledgement of her sacrifices. No appreciation of how difficult and brave it was to keep a level head and mind in a sea of sorrow and rage. And zero awareness of her silent tears and how they filled an ocean. She left thinking she wasn't all the wonderful things in the world, but worst of all, she left thinking she couldn't stay or that she always had somewhere to come back to.

Lily was really alone now.

"She loves you," Sirius told her. His words weren't so much for comfort, but a statement of a fact. His way of telling her she was being stupid again.

"I know," she nodded. "Sirius, you're not blind or stupid. You just love her. She's just…hard to love, you know? Yet simultaneously impossible not to love. I think she just makes it purposefully hard for us to love her. I force-feed her my love because it's so fucking clear that she thinks she doesn't want it or need it when she clearly does. And then I get mad because I have to force feed it to her and wonder why she doesn't just accept my love and the way that I give it…"

"I don't have to force-feed it to her, she accepts it just fine when I give her my love."

Lily narrowed her eyes at the petty little competition Sirius was brewing up.

"Why are you here, Sirius? In this empty room? Hermione's gone with no notice and no inclination as to when she's going to return. If she's going to return. All Severus has is a hunch. What are you waiting for?"

Sirius cracked a small smile, "I'm waiting because I know she'll come back. She leaves all the time, you know? She might've physically been here, but mentally, she checks out all the time. Like she has a whole different life in her mind. She sometimes smiles like she sees an old friend, but there's no one around her. But she always comes back."

Lily would have to be blind to not see how Hermione sometimes simply slipped away. She always thought it was because of exhaustion, where her brain was sleeping, but her body was awake. But Sirius's perspective also made sense. Lily wondered what that place was like, how different it was to their world that Hermione frequented it so much.

"What if this is different," she sounded small, like a small, worried child, wondering when her parents would come home. In a way, it was the same situation. Despite technically being younger than her, Hermione was always the older sibling. Without Hermione, Lily felt lost and alone.

It was terrifying and painful.

Sirius shook his head vehemently. "She always comes back." He glanced at Lily's distraught face. He let out a sigh, "Even if it's just to see how you're doing, she'll definitely come back. Even if you are a raging jealous bitch."

She lifted her hand and smacked him in the arm.

"Ow! What? Am I supposed to lie? I'm not James, Lily, I'm not going to lie to make you feel better especially when you were a terrible sister to Hermione."

Lily had nothing to say to that. She deserved it and much more, but she was also extremely comforted by Sirius's words. She appreciated his honesty.

"You're really good for my sister. I've always supported your relationship, you know."

"Don't go trying to score brownie points with me right now. I'm nothappy with you."

Lily gave him a small smile, "I know. And when Hermione returns, I'm going to beg her for forgiveness and I'm going to be the best sister in the whole freaking world."

"Universe." Sirius corrected.

This time, she let out a laugh. "I'm going to be the best sister in the whole fucking universe."

Sirius put his hand out, sticking his pinky at her.

"How do you know what a pinky promise is?"

"Hermione taught me," he shook his lonely hand in the air. "So? Pinky promise?"

Lily hooked her pinky with his, "I pinky promise."

"Good, then you'll be at least half as good as Hermione was to you."

…

After agreeing to let Sirius stay in Hermione's room, Lily trudged through the dark corridors toward Gryffindor Tower. She was exhausted and her body felt like a ton of bricks. Her burns stung and her joints ached, but her heart felt lighter than it had in a long time.

She had held a lot of anger towards Hermione for a long time, but her disappearance had evaporated it all. Regret and guilt remained, of course, but the resolve to be better, ask for forgiveness, and mend her relationship with her twin sister gave Lily the warmth she needed.

When she turned the corner to approach Gryffindor Tower, she saw someone standing in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady with a piece of parchment in his hands.

"James?"

He jumped, clearly in his thoughts. He quickly rolled up the piece of parchment and stuck it in his back pocket and turned to her with a smile.

"Hey!" He greeted her enthusiastically, his loud voice echoing throughout the tower. They both winced at his unexpectantly booming voice.

"H-Hey," he tried again, only this time, much softer. "You're here."

"Yeah," she smiled. She looked around wondering if someone else was outside as well. She wanted to believe that he was waiting for her but didn't want to be presumptuous.

"Actually," she paused. "How did you know I was here?"

"Uhh," he shifted his back leg, creating distance between her and himself. "I heard the portraits talking about you."

She narrowed her eyes at his suspicious behaviour. "You're a terrible liar compared to Hermione. How did you know?"

James looked troubled, "I-I can't tell you, Marauder's Code and all."

"Ah," Lily opened her mouth then quickly closed it, suppressing her normally nosey self.

"Sorry."

"It's okay," she shrugged. "I've learned I'm too nosey, so I'm turning over a new leaf. Respecting boundaries and all."

"Wow," James raised his brows and smiled. "That's new for you."

"Yes, it is. And it's a lot harder than I thought because I'm dying to know what that piece of parchment you quickly hid behind your back pertains, but I'm not going to ask, because I respect you and your Marauder Code, James."

He smiled. "Welcome back." He gave her a gentle hug, careful not to touch or squeeze any of her bandages.

Lily noticed how his eyes never travelled away from her eyes as they spoke. He didn't stare at her bandages or her scars, he never once glanced at her with pity.

He loved her.

She squeezed him tightly, wordlessly telling him that she was okay. He returned the gesture with an equally hard squeeze. It stung her injuries slightly, but she didn't care. She loved his presence, his hug, and the emotions she could feel out of their connection.

She loved him.

They walked to the Fat Lady, but what caught Lily's eyes was the shrine people had made for Lyana right next to the entrance of the Tower. Students from all the Houses, even a few younger Slytherins had left something for the shrine. Flowers, stuffed animals, notes and cards, quidditch paraphernalia, candles, and more.

Lily sat down on the floor and cast a refreshing charm on the flowers to prevent them from wilting as tears welled in her eyes for the nth time that night. She felt him sit next to her.

"She had red hair that night because she wanted to know what it was like to be a redhead," Lily let out an empty laugh. "She wanted to know what it was like to be me. Why would she want to be me?" She shook her head. "Hermione isn't back. I drove my sister away. I've hurled insult after insult. I've inflicted pain in insurmountable ways."

"I'm not sure about insurmountable. All of us are still standing, aren't we?" James sighed, "You made a few mistakes. Some big, some small. Everyone has, Lily. We're all human. I can't speak for your sister, but I'm pretty sure that if your sister was going to run away because of a few spats, she wouldn't have tried so hard to save you. Nothing you've said or done has changed my opinion about you because I've always known you were short-tempered, stubborn, and liked to hold grudges. I've always known you had a mean streak that no one else seemed to notice. You have a forked tongue when it comes to insults and eagle vision for areas of weakness and pain. I knew," he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, "that you and your sister clashed fundamentally, but you both played nice because you both felt the need to until the differences built resentment causing an explosion. I know every terrible thing you think you are, but I fell in love with you anyway."

"W-why?"

James smiled, it seemed bittersweet and sad. "Do you know that your sister sat me down during our 3rd year Gryffindor Quidditch victory party and told me to stop pursuing you?"

Lily gasped.

"I made that same face when I heard her," James chuckled. "I was so offended, why did she have the right to dictate whom I pursued? We weren't even friends!"

James grabbed her hand and rubbed her cold hands together.

"That's when she started grilling me about you. Firing question after question about what you wanted to be when you grew up, what was important in your life, who is your role model and what not."

"No," Lily's jaw dropped. She couldn't imagine her sister being so upfront about something.

"Yeah, she made me very embarrassed very quickly because I knew nothing. Nada. Sure, I knew you preferred toast over oatmeal in the morning, but that was kind of it. Then she asked me if she knew the answers to those questions regarding myself."

"That…sounds like Hermione."

"I also didn't know the answers to those questions. I had fallen in love with an idea of you before I knew who you were and before I knew who I was."

"So that's why we became friends."

He nodded, "Feeling miffed, are we?" he gently nudged her. "Thought I was being your friend just to be your friend?"

The corners of her lips lifted. "Not really, because Hermione had a talk with me that night too."

James moved back in surprise. He gave her a look of disbelief, but Lily nodded with confirmation.

"I always knew your sister rooted for me."

"She urged me to accept the fact that you were an important part of my life. That if I took you for granted, you'd walk away for good…just like she has…"

James frowned, realizing he'd failed at distracting her.

"She warned me, but I still took her for granted. I walked all over her and I expected her to stay there like she was some doormat."

"You made a mistake Lily. It's a shitty situation, but it happens. You're just a girl who loves people fiercely in her own way. When it wasn't reciprocated in the way you're used to or the way you expected, you got mad. It got ugly. But now with this mistake, you'll learn how to love people in the way they want to be loved. It won't be perfect, and you'll probably make a mistake again, but isn't that what we're all trying to learn in the grand scheme of things? I mean, your sister made our selfish teenage love into something else, something real."

Lily turned to James Potter.

"When did you get so smart?"

"I was always smart, you just forgot to see it."

She ran her thumb over his brow. It was thick, not a sparse spot in sight. "I'll remember not to forget next time."

He smiled, it was warm and heart-tugging. James made sure she wasn't alone. Hermione had left her with James. She'd trusted her with him.

"James,"

"Hm?"

"Are you saying you love me for real?"

His eyes flickered up, something akin to fear and hesitation flashed past his expression. Lily's heart broke a little more knowing she was the cause of that fear and hesitation.

"Yes," he whispered, barely audible even though she was a breath away. "Bad bits and all."

Lily had never closed the gap between lips faster in her life.

…

AN: Hi all,

This chapter is purely dedicated to Lily because she definitely needed some redemption! A lot of you have mentioned how annoying she is, how you don't like her, etc. Which is fair. She was a nasty little shit.

However, I just want to point out that Lily is NOT a mary-sue in this story (Clearly). No one will be a perfect little angel in my story. Not James, either, since I've seen some comments saying they don't like James either.

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the start of Lily's (and James's) redemption arc.

-ihatemakingupusernames.