Meanwhile...in Milwaukee
March 31, 1998
Joanna laid in bed waiting for her alarm clock to ring, her stomach roiling with dread of bumping into Tim O'Brien as well as speaking to Vice Principal Varga regarding her new contract offer. She rolled onto her side. Who was she kidding? She had been riding an emotional rollercoaster for a week now. Ever since she told MacGyver to go to Los Angeles...and he did. Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut and her feelings to herself? Time and again Mac had proved his commitment to her. But she had to keep pushing. Pushing for constant reassurance that this was what he truly wanted. She wouldn't blame him if he changed his mind about marrying her. Perhaps, in the end, she was the one with commitment issues. Maybe, contrary to what she had always assumed, it was her, not him, who wasn't cut out for marriage. Oh, what cruel irony! Would she ever be able to allow the last of her barriers to fall and willingly invite him completely into her life, never doubting the bond of love between them? Or was she fated to live out her days alone, mourning a love she, and she alone, denied herself? The clock began to buzz and she sent it an evil glare before silencing it and throwing off the bed covers while chiding herself for sounding like some forlorn creature in a Jane Austen novel. She would do what she had always done before MacGyver came into her life. She would put one foot in front of the other, doing what she had to do to get through the day and then do it all over again tomorrow, ignoring the constant ache of emptiness in the vicinity of her heart.
She breathed a sigh of relief when she survived the first half of the school day without running into Tim. She had been so foolish this past weekend. Perhaps he was avoiding her as much as she was avoiding him? A girl could only hope! During her lunch break she knocked on Mrs. Varga's door and was invited in.
"I'm glad you dropped in, Joanna," the vice principal greeted her. "How was your weekend?"
"It was good. Really interesting," Jo offered. She had learned a long time ago that the word 'interesting' could carry myriad connotations to accurately describe just about any event. "But I came to discuss my contract with you."
"I was hoping that's why you were here," the older woman smiled and Joanna felt her stomach turn into a lead weight.
"When I agreed to take the full time position this semester, I did so with the understanding that it was only temporary. When I started working at Challengers, I promised I would work there full time during the summer and part time during the school year while still working here part time. I would like to continue to honor that original agreement." Jo bit her bottom lip as she awaited a reply.
"I must admit I'm disappointed," Mrs. Varga confessed. "You are a wonderful teacher and Lincoln High would benefit greatly if you signed on full time. However, I must commend you on your loyalty to your previous obligation with Challengers. I'll have a new, part time contract drawn up and you can sign it at the end of the week."
After thanking the vice principal, Joanna headed back to her classroom feeling as if a great burden had been lifted from her. By sending Mac away, it became her responsibility to step up to her duties at Challengers, especially since their continued funding depended on implementing new and creative programs. Lost in thought, she came within a hair's breadth of brushing against Tim O'Brien's shoulder as he passed her going in the opposite direction. A tight smile and barely-there nod was all the acknowledgement he gave her. And she was just fine with that.
Joanna barely waited until the students cleared the building at the end of the day before making her own escape. She was anxious to get to Challengers given her lack of assistance these past few weeks. Getting into her car, she turned on her cell phone out of routine. Her heart began to beat double time when she saw the tiny icon indicating she had a voice message. Everything had happened so fast between her and MacGyver that they never talked about when or if they would contact each other. Had he reached out to her? She punched in her password with trembling fingers and felt a pang of disappointment when she heard the familiar voice of Rebecca Williams asking her to please return the call but not giving any further details. Most likely the young woman was wanting to once again get Jo's advice on how to deal with her crumbling relationship with Sam. However, Jo was in no position to give advice when her own love life was in shambles. She sighed heavily, knowing she had to call Becca but dreading the conversation. With a fortifying breath, she hit the speed dial button she had designated for her friend.
"Hello?"
"Hi Becca, it's Joanna. I just got your message. What's up?"
"My editor just assigned me a new story and I was wondering if I could come up to Milwaukee to work on it. I could really use your help."
Okay, she had piqued Jo's interest. "Sure, what's the story about?"
"It's kinda weird. I'll explain everything when I see you. Can you pick me up at the train station tomorrow evening at seven?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Thanks Jo. I really appreciate this. I'll call if anything changes." The line went dead.
Joanna tried to put the odd conversation behind her as she entered Challengers and was greeted by a cheerful Rosie Garcia. She returned the greeting and headed towards her office, passing MacGyver's on the way. She was taken aback to see Cynthia seated at the desk, head lowered in concentration. She shouldn't be surprised to see the woman in there, especially since she planned to suggest that Cynthia now occupy it permanently with Mac gone. Another reminder of what she had to put behind her. Before she lost her nerve, she picked up her phone and called Lee Vang. His law firm had been growing and she needed his help. After briefly explaining her situation, he promised he would take care of the details and have something for her to sign in a few days. She blew out a breath as her head dropped into her hands.
XXXXX
Joanna arrived at the Amtrak station shortly before seven the following evening and waited on the platform where the Hiawatha commuter line would deposit its passengers. It wasn't long before the train glided to a stop and Becca disembarked, wearing a backpack and carrying a tattered suitcase.
"I'm so glad you came," Becca said as she set down her luggage and embraced Jo in a warm, friendly hug. "I hope I'm not too much of an imposition."
"Never!" Joanna gently scolded. "Though I keep forgetting you don't have a car."
Rebecca looked away shyly. "I don't really need one in the city. I can either walk or take the train to anyplace I need to go."
"Makes sense," Jo agreed. "But what about Cip? Is Sam watching him for you?"
"A colleague of mine at the Tribune has a home in the suburbs with a big fenced in yard and she loves dogs so she agreed to take him in while I'm gone. After staying at a place like that he'll probably hate going back to my dingy apartment." Becca dipped her head so her long brunette hair formed a curtain that covered her face from view.
"First of all, your place is not dingy," Joanna told her firmly. "And secondly, your Cip's mom. He knows that and just wants to be wherever you are."
By now the two women had reached Jo's car. They tossed Becca's belongings in the Chevy's trunk before Joanna slid behind the wheel.
"Since Mac's gone you can stay at his place," Jo said, handing her friend a set of keys. "One is to the apartment and the other is to the Jeep. I figured you'd need a car since you came by train."
"Are you sure Mac won't mind?" Becca asked, reaching hesitantly for the offered keys.
Joanna thought about the times Penny and Jack had stayed at the apartment and borrowed Mac's Jeep. "I'm positive."
"When is he coming back?"
Jo fervently wished people would stop asking that question, but she supposed it was only natural.
"I don't know. Probably not for a while. Hasn't he been in touch with Sam?"
Joanna grimaced the moment the question left her lips. She had convinced herself that he was out of her life and didn't matter anymore, yet here she was, asking about him.
Becca shook her head. "He called last week to say he was going to L.A. to visit Jack but that's the last I heard."
"How are you and Sam doing?" Jo asked, steering the conversation away from herself. Ah, Sam. Though an adult himself, she'd never forget how happy he was when he discovered she was going to officially become his stepmother. Now, that never could be. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and gave Rebecca her undivided attention.
"We haven't seen a whole lot of each other," the younger woman admitted with a shrug. "You know, we've both been busy and stuff."
"Yeah, I know," Joanna replied with a sad smile.
Once Becca was settled in Mac's townhouse, Jo plopped down on the couch next to her.
"Now tell me. What's this assignment all about and how can I help."
Though not a professional writer, Joanna had taken a journalism course and had been a reporter on her high school newspaper. Coupled with being an English teacher, she was secretly hoping to try her hand at some amateur reporting.
"My editor wants me to do a story about my computer dating experiences," Becca answered, not meeting Jo's eyes.
"You signed up for a computer dating service?" Joanna asked, trying to keep her voice as normal as possible despite her shock.
Rebecca shook her head vigorously. "Oh, no! But he wants me to join this site on the internet where you write up a profile about yourself and e-mail back and forth with guys who are interested and even meet in person if you want."
"No offense, but that kinda sounds like a fluff piece. I thought you were an investigative reporter?"
"I was...am...and it is a fluff piece," Becca admitted. "And before you ask, I totally messed up a big story I was on 'cause I was distracted by...I was distracted."
Jo quickly surmised that Becca had allowed her troubles with Sam to interfere with her work. "So what do you need me to do?"
"I was hoping you could put up a profile, too, and that way I could write about both our experiences. I mean, if Mac wouldn't mind. It would just be pretend."
Apparently MacGyver hadn't said anything about their breakup. "Mac won't mind," Joanna said flatly. "But this doesn't sound like my kinda thing." Scratch that. This was absolutely, positively not her thing! After the debacle over the weekend with Tim and long lonely nights that followed, she knew the only man for her was MacGyver, but she had single-handedly shattered their relationship. No man could ever make her feel the way he had so why even bother to try and find someone new?
"Oh please!" Rebecca suddenly begged, grabbing Jo's arm. "I don't expect many, if any, guys to respond to my profile, but you'd get tons!"
Joanna's jaw dropped. Apparently the young reporter had no idea that Jo's experience with men was as non-existent as hers.
"Please?" Becca repeated sheepishly.
"Oh, all right," Jo sighed. "What can it hurt?"
"Terrific! When do you want to get started?"
Joanna glanced at her watch. "It's getting late and I have work tomorrow. Why don't you help out at Challengers until I get out of school and then I'll meet you at the club and we can work on it there?"
"That's perfect! Thank you so much!" Becca exclaimed as she squeezed Joanna in a big hug.
Thursday afternoon, Jo hurried over to Challengers after school. She found Becca in a corner cuddling Frog.
"I didn't think I'd miss Cip this much already," the younger woman said, looking up guiltily. "I had trouble sleeping last night without him around."
"Why don't you take Frog back to the townhouse later," Joanna suggested as she reached down to ruffle his ear. "All the attention he gets around here gets in the way of his beauty sleep."
"That's a great idea! Thank you!" Becca exclaimed and Jo once again found herself in the young woman's solid embrace.
"No problem," Joanna smiled as she extricated herself from the hug. "C'mon in my office. I had Rosie set up an extra computer in there so we could work together." Becca beamed as they walked down the hall.
Once the two women had carefully typed in the web address Rebecca's editor had given her and provided all the basic information requested in order to become a member of the on-line dating site, Jo sat staring at the cursor blinking in the little box where she had been instructed to describe herself. Her brain froze and her command of the English language slid into oblivion. Her first attempt read like a resume. Her second sounded like an obituary.
"Let's see what each other wrote," Becca urged as Joanna completed her third attempt. She turned the screen and her friend's face scrunched as she read the short paragraph.
"That makes you sound old and boring!" Rebecca protested.
"Maybe I am old and boring!" Joanna couldn't help but laugh. "Let me see yours."
Jo studied the self-description Becca had composed and bit her lip. "This doesn't sound a thing like you," she observed.
Becca slouched and looked down at the floor before quickly rallying. "I have an idea! I'll write your description and you can write mine!"
Joanna glanced at her friend skeptically before agreeing. After all, sacrifices had to be made in the name of journalistic integrity. With that step successfully completed, they came to the part that asked them to describe their ideal mate. Both started typing without any hesitation.
"Okay, let me see what ya got," Jo demanded. Her face fell as she read what Becca had written. "You know you just described Sam, don't you?"
The young woman nodded sadly as she bent over Joanna's computer. "And you described Mac perfectly," she pointed out.
They simultaneously heaved a sigh. "Maybe we should be a little more flexible about what we're looking for," Jo offered. "I mean, the whole idea is to get guys to talk to us, right?"
"Right," Becca echoed as they each returned to their own console, deleted their detailed list of the perfect man and replaced it with a general description just about any guy could relate to.
"Now what?" Jo asked.
Becca shrugged. "I guess we just sit and wait for messages."
The following day was Friday. Joanna stepped into Mrs. Varga's office right after school to sign her contract for the upcoming year.
"Are you sure you won't reconsider?" the vice principal practically pleaded.
"I'm sure," Jo replied with a tight smile. She had one more stop to make before heading to Challengers.
A few minutes later she entered the law office of Lee Vang and his associates. He offered Joanna a seat before pulling out a form in quadruplicate full of legalize. He began to go over the information when she put out her hand to stop him.
"You don't have to waste your time. I trust that everything is in order. Just show me where to sign." The sooner she got this over with the better.
"Are you sure this is want you want?" he asked, his voice full of concern.
Jo nodded firmly and scrawled her signature on the bottom line. "It's what needs to be done," she assured him, sealing her fate.
When Joanna finally arrived at Challengers, it was to find Rebecca pacing back and forth in their now shared office. The poor girl was literally wringing her hands.
"Becca, what's wrong?!" she asked, quickly closing the door behind her.
"Thank goodness you're here! I don't know what to do!"
"What is it? What's happened?" Jo demanded.
"First thing this morning I checked the dating website to see if I had gotten any responses, and there was a message from this guy. We've been messaging back and forth through the site all day and he seems really nice, but now he wants to meet me this weekend!"
"Isn't that a good thing?" Joanna asked. "It'll make for a great story."
"I know! I just didn't expect someone to actually want to go out with me! Oh, this is all happening so fast!"
While Becca had been talking, Jo had been thinking. She wanted her friend to write a good article, but she also hated to see her so upset.
"Calm down," she instructed. "I might have an idea, but first I need to see if any guys wrote to me."
Joanna logged onto the dating site and gasped when the little envelope icon indicated she had ten messages. She clicked to open her mailbox and read the responses. Soon Becca was peering over her shoulder, reading along. Some of the messages caused them to groan in disgust while others made them giggle, but none of them really appealed to Jo.
"When is the deadline for your story?" Joanna asked.
"My editor wants it on his desk by the end of next week."
"That doesn't give you a lot of time."
"I know," Becca moaned.
Jo quickly glanced through her messages again. "This guy doesn't sound too bad," she said, pointing to the screen.
"You're not seriously thinking of asking to meet him, are you?" Becca gaped.
"On one condition," Joanna responded with a sly smile.
Rebecca's eyes grew wide. "Oh! You want us to go on a double date!"
"Not exactly." Jo grimaced as she watched her friend's face fall. "I don't think the guys would care for that, but we can arrange to be at the same place at the same time," she explained. "What do you say?"
"I say it's a great idea!" Becca replied with a full-fledged smile. "And this way I'll have two experiences to write about!"
Through a series of electronic messages, it was decided that the dates would be pizza and then a play at a local college Saturday night. Becca drove to Joanna's house where the two women got ready.
"You're not gonna wear that, are you?" Rebecca asked looking pointedly at Joanna's engagement ring.
Jo forced a chuckle. "I guess that would look kinda weird," she agreed, slowly pulling off the gold and diamond band and reverently placing it on her dresser.
"Now you're sure Mac's okay with this?"
"I'm sure," Joanna replied flatly. "What about Sam?"
"Pfft! Like he cares what I do!" Unfortunately, the sheen in her eyes belied her carefree words.
Arriving at the restaurant, Jo and Rebecca parked their respective vehicles several spaces apart and entered through different doors. Joanna easily recognized her date from his picture on the dating site and greeted him cordially before the hostess led them to their table. A few minutes later, Jo watched as Becca directed the same hostess to seat her and her date at a booth just across the way. When the waiter approached to take their order, Joanna's heart twisted as the man across from her asked for pineapple on his half of the pizza. That had always been Mac's signature topping when they first started getting to know each other. At times she swore he ordered it just to see her reaction. When she finished her last bite of dinner, she heard Becca's laugh and looked to see her and her date both leaning forward, sharing a dessert.
"Can I get you anything else?" the waiter asked.
"No," Jo replied quickly. "We need to get going or we'll miss the opening curtain," she explained to her date.
They all took separate cars to the college's small theater and Joanna froze when she saw the poster advertising the production they were about to see: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Her heart raced and her hands turned cold as she spent the next two and a half hours sitting beside a man she barely knew watching the very same play she had seen with MacGyver and had starred Penny Parker. Unbidden thoughts of her and Mac kissing in the last row assaulted her until she excused herself and hurried to the restroom hoping to regain her composure. When she returned to her seat, her date appeared concerned, asked if she was feeling ill and if she would like to leave. Though she declined his offer since she had promised to be there for Becca, she had to give him points for thoughtfulness. When the actors had taken their final bow and the house lights came on, her date escorted her to her car, giving her a chaste peck on the cheek before heading toward his own vehicle. Nothing was said to indicate they would ever see each other again. Jo had just slid into the driver's seat when her cell phone trilled. It was Becca.
"Come on over tomorrow afternoon and we'll compare notes?" Her friend's voice sounded as listless as Jo felt.
"Sounds good," she confirmed, before starting her car and heading home.
XXXXX
The following day Joanna pulled her car into the driveway beside Mac's Jeep. She noticed a strange truck parked out front just as the front door to Charlie's half of the duplex opened and a young couple emerged and shook hands with a man she had come to recognize as the real estate agent. Apparently the house was still on the market. Becca met Joanna at the threshold with a glass of iced tea. Though not her beverage of choice, she accepted the cold drink and took a sip before stowing her purse and jacket and settling on the couch. As usual, Frog was napping under the coffee table. Becca soon plopped down on the other end of the couch, pencil and notebook in hand.
"So tell me everything," she directed.
Joanna did her best to relay, in detail, the events of her date the night before. Unfortunately, there was precious little to tell.
"Sounds kinda dull," Becca observed. Joanna had to agree. The irony was that she and Mac had gone on the exact same date about a year ago and it had been anything but dull.
"What about you?" Jo asked, attempting to change the conversation. "Did you have a good time?" If Becca's laughter in the restaurant was any indication, she had had an enjoyable evening.
"It was fine."
"Just 'fine'?"
"Well, I mean, he was nice and all. Really cute and fun to talk to, but he just wasn't-" Becca slammed her mouth closed and stared at the notes in front of her.
"He just wasn't Sam," Joanna concluded softly.
Rebecca nodded, tears now sliding freely down her cheeks. She didn't even try to wipe them away.
"I love him, Jo! I love him so much!" she sobbed. "But he doesn't think I know what love is. He doesn't know how wrong he is!" she hiccupped.
"Who was it?" Joanna asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.
"Huh?" Becca looked up, eyes already red and slightly swollen.
"Your first love. Who was he?"
Rebecca stayed silent for several moments as if pondering the question and Jo was afraid she wouldn't answer it. Of course, that was her prerogative, but Joanna couldn't help but feel it was an important story for her to tell. Finally the younger woman broke the silence that hung heavy in the room.
"It was when I was back in Santa Barbara. Remember when I told you I worked as a secretary at the police department and sometimes helped out the detectives?" Jo nodded but did not speak. "Well, he was one of the detectives. His name was Carlton. That's why I spell Cip's name the way I do. The "C" is for him. Anyway, when we first met he came off as being kinda surly and had a reputation for not having much of a sense of humor. But it didn't take long before I realized there was a lot more to him...he was just hiding it. He was significantly older than me and divorced. He really freaked out when he discovered how young I was." Becca stopped and studied her fingernails, absently picking at the cuticle. "I was nineteen and he was my first kiss. The first guy I ever really loved."
"What happened?" Joanna asked quietly.
"Everything was great for a while. We got in a nice routine and would banter back and forth, especially at work. But then, I don't know. Stuff happened. We both got busy. I was juggling work and school. It sounds cliché, but I guess we just grew apart."
"I take it you never told Sam any of this."
Becca shook her head.
"Maybe you should."
Joanna didn't know how long they sat there, not saying a word, but the next thing she knew the room was swathed in twilight from the setting sun. Frog's toenails clicked on the wooden kitchen floor as he most likely searched for his supper. Jo was about to push herself off the couch when Becca asked the question she had been hoping to avoid.
"There's something going on between Mac and you, isn't there? Something bad."
"Is it that obvious?" Jo asked.
Becca shrugged. "Probably only to me. I tend to pick up on stuff like that. Like the way you took your ring off before your date. As if you may not ever put it back on again. And when you talk about him your voice is emotionless."
Joanna sank back onto the cushions and sighed. "Considering everything you just told me, I suppose you deserve to know. But this has to stay between you and me, okay?"
Rebecca nodded vigorously and turned to face her friend.
"I told Mac to go to L.A. so we could have some time and space to reevaluate our relationship. I needed to figure out how I fit in his life and I've decided I don't."
"Oh no, Joanna!" Becca cried. "You and Mac were made for each other!"
"It might look like that to you," Jo replied sadly. "But I'm not the kind of girl he needs. I had to make him realize that...make myself realize that...before it was too late."
Becca's eyes were filled with anguish. "Are you saying you're...you mean you're not…?" She couldn't say the words aloud and neither could Jo.
"Yeah. But please don't tell Sam. Mac will tell him when the time is right."
Both women sat in silence until Rebecca spoke softly. "I plan on taking the train back to Chicago tomorrow afternoon. Do you think you could drive me to the station?"
"Sure," Jo confirmed, a lump in her throat.
XXXXX
Joanna hurried home from work Monday afternoon. Once upstairs, she pulled a wrinkled slip of paper from her wallet before crouching on the floor and pulling out a long, rectangular white box from underneath her bed. Despite her best effort, she couldn't resist taking the top off and running her hands over the smooth, expensive fabric of what would have been her wedding dress. She felt oddly numb and incredibly empty as she gathered up the parcel and headed back out.
Jo picked Rebecca up at the townhouse and drove her to the train station. There was little conversation between them. Joanna found a parking space and popped her trunk. Becca eyed her questioningly as she lifted the large white box out of the trunk, the receipt taped to the top.
"I was wondering if you could do me a huge favor and return this for me?" Joanna knew Becca knew what was in the box so she provided no further explanation. "Just make sure Sam doesn't know."
Becca hugged her friend close, tears gathering in her eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this? It makes everything seem so...so final!"
"It's what needs to be," Jo stated, taking a step back.
Rebecca slung her backpack over her shoulder, tucked the package under her arm and lifted her suitcase with the other before wordlessly heading toward the boarding platform.
Joanna watched her friend walk away before turning back to her car. She slammed the trunk closed and felt as though she was slamming closed a chapter in her life. A very wonderful, but not meant to be, chapter.