Khun Amelina never did understand the meaning of a real family no matter how much Eira and Miru explained it to her. Everything she had witnessed and what she had been taught seemed to be too contradicting that she never bothered to use that particular word. No matter how much books or dictionaries or theories she asked from Miru, it never fit the description of the Khun family.
Then again, her 'family' wasn't exactly a normal family either.
Amelina understood that every children that shared the same features as her such as blue hair and fair skins are practically her half-siblings, but she could never call them as her real family that she was supposed to love, cherish and protect. If that was the case in the first place, she would not have to worry about anyone harming her, nor did she had to go through vigorous training everyday.
Born with self-awareness, Amelina never felt like she belonged to the place, among the blue clan that won't think twice about killing others. She did, after all, while she was still so small to properly run, witness some unfortunate servants who crossed Eduan in which none of those people came out of it unscathed. It probably served a warning to her so to not cross any line she wasn't to, but Amelina was sick of it.
She was sick of thinking about surviving every second.
As if trapped in a room where only shadows hovered over her, trapping her in place. Her only attention was on her feeble feet trying to run away from the darkness swallowing her up whole.
That is, until Ran's presence graced her lonely heart.
What started with a fickle, awkward gesture of affections, it gradually grew into a deeper bond no one could worm themselves into. Just as Amelina needed Ran, her very existence completed Ran's being. A twin, was what they say, even when they shared only their father's blood. That's how much Ran's presence affected Amelina.
Now that her other half had departed to climb the Tower, she had no choice but to let him go. It surely was an inevitable outcome, but never would she imagined that Ran had to do it at such a young age.
Then, again nothing is impossible.
Especially when they were bestowed with the Khun name. One that Amelina saw as a curse rather than a blessing.
She can cower in sorrow for days, but Maschenny will surely drag her to training without fail. Asensio would never betray the princess, and the benefactor she met long ago never showed up again. And sooner or later, she still have to face her father since they- well, literally live in the same space.
"You're going to catch a cold, you know."
The emotional rush of thoughts abruptly stopped as Amelina looked up with half-lidded eyes to the perpetrator who threw a fluffy, grey cotton cardigan over her head, completely obscuring her vision and covering part of her body from the cold wind of the night.
She only noticed how cold she was when warmth seeped beside her, shoulders brushing against each other as Aguero casually took a seat next to her.
"What are you doing here?" Amelina broke the silence, burying her head into her knees, ignoring how her bare shin shivered and how her feet rubbed against the soil. "Rather, how did you know I was here, Aguero?"
"Right back at you, midget," Aguero snorted. "You're the one who shouldn't sulk in this forest late at night. Who knows what kind of unfortunate incidents could happen at nights like this."
Amelina hummed back in reply, shifting the cardigan a little so she could peek at Aguero, who seemed more interested in gazing into the illuminated sky. His usual ponytail was let down, silky locks slightly touching his shoulder. It doesn't seemed like he just woke up, so he probably stayed up late.
"Your retainer really gave me quite a scare there, almost breaking my window," the boy huffed, poking a finger to Amelina's cheek. "I really wonder how he hid from the other servants catching him every time."
"Ah, I see… Miru called you here…"
The boy sighed at the lack of response, remembering how his heart pounded when Miru suddenly gave him a late night visit, the grave expression of the retainer didn't escape Aguero's calculative gaze.
After hearing the story from a guilty-looking Miru, Aguero expected Amelina to at least weep and he mentally braced to soothe or comfort her, but it doesn't looked like she had shed a single tear. Alas, the passive expression tells him Amelina wasn't at all fine.
Whether it was her strong mental personality or just having enough of her situation, Aguero did not like how ragged she looked, droopy eyes that stared into her knees, white nightgown already crumpled and soiled, her messy untied hair with few strands strayed and her shivering lips turning slightly purple.
"...Khun Ran, was it?" Amelina whipped her head to the boy, eyes widened and shocked at how he knew her twin. Or rather, it feels too foreign to hear it from Aguero's mouth.
"That- did Miru.." Amelina's voice came out embarrassingly small, her hands gripping into the fabric of the cardigan.
"No, he never told me anything about you, nor your background," Aguero sighed, before continuing, "-he was quite a smart lad, always managing up to cover any tracks that could lead my investigation about you, but it seemed today was quite the harsh day when he slipped that someone important to you was leaving to climb the Tower."
'He figured out from that?'
While Amelina knew Aguero is a smart boy, she wasn't sure whether to be shocked about him investigating her, or the fact that Miru being praised by Aguero who was literally a competent strategist. Sure, he is a brilliant retainer, but she swore she never saw nor noticed Miru doing anything like that.
"If you're from the Maschenny branch, it makes sense if you didn't wanted me to know more about you. I noticed how vague your details were when you blabbered about your training and such. It would be better to cut off any-"
"No!!" Amelina exclaimed before Aguero finished his sentence. "I- It's true that I didn't wanted you to know more about me, but- but I swear it wasn't because I wanted to lie to you! I just didn't want-"
'...you to be repulsive for who I am.' Amelina bit her lower, eyes narrowing. She knew she can't hide who she was forever, but still, her panicked and frustrated condition didn't allow her to form proper words over a dilemma. 'You, who greatly loathes our father…'
"Stop!" Aguero bonked her forehead, pinching her cheeks afterwards, pulling Amelina out from her scrambled thoughts. "Look, now I don't care much about those background stuff, so listen carefully, dammit." He took a deep breath before looking straight into another electric blue eyes, their foreheads lightly grazed, "I don't mind if you wanted to hide about yourself, nor do I care if you're related to Ran or those other branches. You're different and don't you dare deny it. I know you're honest enough to not lie to me, with how much you showed it on your face. No matter who you are, I accept it."
'Plus, I've gotten quite attached…', Aguero didn't bother to add the last part. "Besides, you still have something more important to think of now, right?"
Amelina suddenly felt light, like a heavy burden being lifted with ease words by words. To others, it might just sounds like a troublesome nagging and scolding, but to Amelina it was a soothing, warm touch to her fragile heart.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
Amelina was blinded by Ran's depart, so blinded to see Aguero with honest gaze. The pain of being in the family, she made it sounds like she was the only one suffering, but truthfully Aguero was the same. Perhaps even more than her.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
If the absence of Ran meant she lost her true sibling, brother, and friend, what purpose did she had seeing Aguero in this forest all these years? She made it seemed like all their time together didn't exist at all.
If my parting has left a void
Ran can no longer push her back, nor can he assure Amelina she did her best. But somehow Amelina knew, from this moment- Aguero will be beside her, hand-in-hand.
Then fill it with remembered joys
Finally, Amelina embraced Aguero, letting go of the haunting image, where Ran's back gradually becoming smaller.
The morning was serene, uncomfortably silent as Amelina's loyal maid combed her hair gently. Her grim expression told Amelina that Eira knew what had occur last night. She must have tried to give Amelina some space to think, to accept everything.
Speaking of last night, she didn't remember much how she ended up on her bed since all she could reminisce was how Aguero returned her embrace. But she figured out who took her back to the estate upon finding an apology note from Miru beside her pillow prior to Eira coming.
"I'm coming in, Ame," a voice cut the silence as the girl braced herself to face her older sister, a presence she really didn't want to welcome early in the morning. But alas, she had no say in this matter as Maschenny barged into the room, not even waiting for her answer.
Amelina's grip on her skirt was visible as she set her gaze on Maschenny's reflection from the mirror. As usual, she had that irritatingly coy smile, like a child wondering what she should play with her toy.
Only when they were alone did the Jahad Princess spoke, "What a shame, I thought you would be more down than this."
'Don't answer, don't react, Amelina. She's just testing your limits.'
"So, how does it feel?" Amelina raised her eyebrow at the vague question. "To have your beloved 'twin' removed because of you?"
It immediately downed to Amelina. This person, now walking towards her, wasn't just gouging out her reactions. This woman wants to see her snap. And she's definitely succeeding. Amelina' heart pounded, adrenaline rushing fast and she unconsciously bit her lip to stop it from trembling, to stop it from giving Maschenny the satisfaction she wants.
"I'll give you an advice, my dear little sister," a hand crept up to Amelina's cheek, the girl fighting the urge to slap the hand away. "Close off your heart, don't show your emotions. That way, all your loved ones won't be harmed, hm?"
Amelina couldn't help but frown when Maschenny lightly lifted her chin, making so they both can properly look at the mirror, or rather, Amelina's figure.
"Not only that, the more you let go, you won't feel anything when the time comes for you to leave them. You will definitely feel no pain," Maschenny whispered to her ear. "You'll see that in the end, they will all eventually leave you anyway, so why not cut off the ties first?"
The younger girl didn't notice she was holding her breath the whole time until Maschenny let go of her, walking away before her voluptuous figure stopped by the door to throw Amelina a final look.
"Remember it well, Amelina."
With slightly ragged breath, Amelina brushed aside the panicking Eira who immediately dashed to her side upon entering back the room, but Amelina could only think of one thing.
'That woman- she absolutely must not know of Aguero!'
Author's Note:
First of all, I apologize for the long wait (for those who are anticipating for a new chapter), and I humbly announce that I am rereading Tower of God (and playing Genshin) to catch back the ideas and plots I've lost after my examination.
Yes, I've finished my exam, and hopefully I can dedicate my time to continue on this fic! I've always said this before but- I really would like to rush and hurry to Floor of Test Arc but yeah- Ame stills needs a lot of drama to grow up. XD
Arigato!!
Love chu guys!