Thanks to antioedipus for the quick beta
The day Rock Lee became Hokage was the last day Neji Hyūga knew peace.
Even in Anbu, Neji was more at peace than he was as advisor to Lee. Guy-sensei had taken over for Jiraiya within the year he had become Hokage, somewhat of a last-minute decision after the scandal broke news. That was the same day Neji enlisted in Anbu. He wasn't going to be sucked into the madness of Lord Guy, and he and Tenten were teamed together, both in agreement that far away was for the best.
Then, Kakashi opened up a dojo, and upon learning of this, Guy immediately resigned as Hokage to open up a dojo immediately adjacent to continue his rivalry. The decision to make Lee Hokage happened over night. When Neji first peeked inside of Kakashi's dojo, he was appalled. It was filled with several young shinobi, glad in masks and headbands, all reading Icha Icha. Why Guy decided this was worth resigning as Hokage for, he had no clue.
The day of his inauguration, he had the council at his door, begging him to be advisor to Lee as the only person who could realistically rein him in. His one stipulation was that Shikamaru Nara join him in this fresh hell, and that he'd be offered a month-long vacation yearly. One that he would call a 'sabbatical' for appearances sake. And to be totally honest, Neji thought it was completely earned. He'd been reining in Lee and listening to Shikamaru's complaints for nearly a year now.
So, for his first 'sabbatical', Neji took to the mountains. With a guaranteed salary as the advisor to the Hokage, he was in the perfect position to use this time to rediscover himself. Really get acquainted with who Neji Hyūga really is.
That's why he's spent the last two weeks backpacking through the great Land of Fire's mountainous terrain. Really take in nature, enjoy the sounds of the creek, observe the wildlife, study the foliage, breathe in the fresh mountain air, watch the sunrises and sunsets. All of the things one is supposed to do on a grand journey of self-discovery.
He really thought he was getting close to some sort of break through within himself when a beautiful stag entered his campsite. It was majestic: nearly came to his chest just from the shoulders, a dark, burgundy coat, absurdly large antlers, and—
Oh no.
Neji's eyes immediately landed on the left antler, missing a middle fork. A trademark of a certain trusted deer; every time it regrew its antlers, it was always missing a middle fork on the left antler.
Another message from Shikamaru.
With a sigh, he frowns as the deer elegantly steps towards him, a scroll attached around its neck. He gives the deer a forced smile as he pulls it loose, then unravels it.
With a little snicker, he crumples the scroll in his hands and shakes his head, tossing it into his campfire.
"Looks as though—" Neji immediately coughs into his elbow upon trying to speak, his words gravelly. It had been a while since he'd spoken out loud. Patting his chest, he clears his throat and continues, "looks as though he's already sent his deer, doesn't it?"
The deer does not respond in any outward fashion, simply blinks up at him. Neji squints.
"If that's all, you may go." He outstretches his arm to motion back to the village, but the deer doesn't move. He scoffs. "You may go."
Neji is unamused as the stag huffs and shakes its head. It's waiting for him to pen out a response.
Shikamaru had no right to intrude on his time in nature with his deer, and to threaten to send them? What does that even mean? As if deer were some sort of match for Neji Hyūga? No, Shikamaru must have been having one of his nicotine fits and thought that somehow this letter was appropriate.
Neji shakes his head as he rummages inside of his pack for some parchment and a pen. He settles on a log next to his campfire and presses the parchment to his knee, taps the pen to his chin as he thinks.
Dear Shikamaru, kindly fuck off.
Too harsh. He tears that sheet away, crumples it, throws it in the fire.
Dear Shikamaru, my sabbatical has no concrete end date.
Too soft. He repeats tearing it, crumpling it, throwing it in the fire.
This process goes on for several more sheets before the stag stomps his foot to the side impatiently, lips flapping as it huffs again. Neji snarls at it before sighing, looking back down at the parchment.
Dear Shikamaru, send your deer if you must. I will not be returning.
"Good enough," he grumbles to himself, tearing the sheet away to roll up. He approaches the stag cautiously, their eyes locked in mean glares at one another, and he slowly reaches out his hand with the scroll in it. Just as much in suspicion of him, the stag carefully lifts his head to allow him to slot the scroll into the tie. With a little nod, Neji addresses the stag, "Kanoko." He lets out a relieved breath when the stag turns and takes off in a swift run.
Neji spends the rest of the morning doing his usual activities: make breakfast, pack up his campsite, and set out for a new, interesting place to stay for the night. He makes a quick stop at the river before he officially sets out, refilling his largest canteen downstream. A particularly loud splash towards the north catches his attention and he lifts his head towards the noise. A pair of black eyes lock with his and he nearly stumbles back before he realizes…it's just a deer.
Strange.
But it doesn't approach, so he shakes it off, lids his canteen, and continues his trek.
A few hours later, and he comes upon a clearing about 40 kilometres away from his last spot and decides this is a good place to stop. He carefully sets his back aside, pulls out his canvas log carrier, and sets out for firewood for the night. Amidst his journey, he spots a few fresh hoof prints in the loose dirt, and it strikes suspicion in him. He scans the thick forestry around him, and again, a pair of black eyes meet his. He grits his teeth.
"Shoo!" he calls out, unconvincingly, but it does the trick, and the deer begins…slowly backing away.
Do deer normally back away?
Soon, it's no longer visible, but Neji's eyes linger on the spot for another few minutes until he's sure it's definitely gone. He presses his lips in a line and sighs out through his nose, then gets back to collecting firewood.
A distraction. He needs a peaceful distraction. With the firewood laid on in a provisional pit, he returns to his pack to pull out his canvas and paints. He finds a nice, high tree stump and sets himself up there with a makeshift easel. Before he begins, he does a quick check of the area to make sure no more beady, black eyes are boring into him, then pinches the bridge of his nose, letting out an irritated breath.
He's probably just being paranoid. It's not like his return letter could have made it back to Shikamaru already. Then he wonders…how fast do deer run, anyway?
Again, he shakes it off and pops open his watercolor palette, getting to work relaxing.
A beautiful sunset begins peeking through the treetops after about an hour and Neji realizes he hasn't even really been paying attention to what he's been painting. He blinks and refocuses his eyes, then leans back in horror.
On the canvas is a mess of grays, browns, blacks, and reds. It's a massacre of deer.
Neji panics, darting his eyes around the landscape before immediately ripping the canvas off and bunching it up against his chest, then turning to the firepit. He hurriedly throws it in and holds his palms out to create a small flame, then lights it on fire. As soon as it begins lighting up his surroundings, he suddenly sees nearly a dozen pairs of black eyes, all looking directly at him.
"Okay," he groans, covering the flaming canvas with a log of wood before holding up his palms. "All of you, shoo!" When only a light rustling his heard, he claps his hands together. "Out! I don't know what Shikamaru's put you up to, but I can assure you, I am not one to trifle with!"
Still, they remain.
"I did warn you," he tries to sound threatening, but honestly, a hoard of deer isn't something shinobi training prepares you for. He activates his byakugan and dips his stance, and that's when all the pairs of eyes slowly begin to retreat. He senses for their chakra networks until they've nearly disappeared, and he finally relaxes, somewhat. He stands up straight, deactivates his dōjutsu, and turns to the canvas that is still mostly intact, burning quite slowly. He holds out his palm to direct more flame towards it, hoping to put this unpleasant experience to rest.
Neji busies himself for the next few hours doing anything and everything. Sweeping the campsite, making sure he has a perfectly flat spot for his tent, setting it up, hunting for dinner (and resisting the urge to specifically seek out deer), making tea, journalling.
My journey of self-discovery has been rudely interrupted once more, but this time feels different. Shikamaru's letter was a tad more on the desperate side, and he sent his most important stag, Kanoko. From what I remember, he's the speediest and most capable of his herd. I assume this to mean he's at the end of his rope, but these were the terms agreed upon. I will not claim blame for the fact that the Nara clan leaders and heirs have historically been advisor to the standing Hokage. He can take it up with Shikaku if he has a problem, Lee being my former teammate does not oblige me to follow him wherever he goes.
Neji slams his journal shut and presses his face into his palms, elbows on his knees.
Shikamaru couldn't be so desperate as to have his deer follow him all over the mountains, could he? Certainly not harass him while he sleeps, right?
As the moon crawls higher and higher up into the sky, Neji relents to his tired mind and puts out the fire. Takes his canteen down to the stream to brush his teeth, puts his hair into a top bun, washes his face, moisturizes. He applies a special cream that Hinata began sharing with him when they were teens after their reconciliation. It passed down to her from her mother and her mother's mother, a special main branch Hyūga secret formula that's guaranteed to slow wrinkles (he assumes his uncle probably passed on using the cream).
Officially done for the night, Neji settles inside of his tent, and after a somewhat restless hour, finally succumbs to sleep.
But because Neji would never again be allowed to know peace (and in the back of his mind he knows that), he's awoken some time later to rustling. Before he even has a chance to pull his fist up to rub at his eye, the front of his tent is torn straight through the middle, and he's face to face with a large pair of antlers. And the middle fork is missing from the left antler. They rip right through the top. Cold hair hits Neji's face and he locks tired, milky eyes to shiny, black, beady eyes illuminated by the moon.
"For the love of god," Neji grumbles, throwing the front of his sleeping bag off himself and scrambling to his feet. "Is this truly necessary?!"
When he lifts his head to look at the stag, he's met with what seemed like dozens of pairs of eyes, and Neji finally realizes that this is truly the end of his sabbatical, whether he wants it to be or not.
Neji spends the rest of the night hiking back to the Leaf and returns just as the shops begin opening up.
First thing is first: giving Shikamaru a piece of his mind. He breezes through the village and up the Hokage tower until he's greeted with the familiar sight he thought he wouldn't be so irritated to see upon return: Lee on his hands and Shikamaru crouched over his desk. They both turn to meet his eyes, and Neji activates his byakugan.
"Stop right there!" Shikamaru throws an accusing finger out before locking it into his other hand to begin his shadow possession jutsu.
Before either of them can act further, Lee is back on his feet and has Neji crushed between his arms, swinging him around. "NEJI!"
"Put me down, Lee!" Neji demands, not missing the way Shikamaru's lips tip into a smirk.
"That's no way to speak to your Hokage, is it, Neji?" Shikamaru asks, clicking his tongue as he drops his hands.
Somehow, a crushing hug from Lee and the irritation and embarrassment that's brought with it brings Neji some state of calm. Lee drops him to the ground but keeps his hands on his shoulders. "You're back! I am so happy you're here, and just in time, too!"
"Just in time?" Neji's face immediately falls into a deeper frown.
"To discuss the festival!" Lee responds brightly as Neji peels his hands from his shoulders with a look of distain. "We were thinking about a special dojo set up—"
"You!" Neji jams his pointer finger into Lee's chest, who leans his head back, then tilts it. "How many dojos have you opened since I've been gone?!"
Lee taps his chin, then holds up his other hand to begin counting on his fingers, but Shikamaru clears his throat behind him. "Fourteen."
"Four—" Neji cuts himself off. He opened two more since Shikamaru's letter. "I am putting an immediate hold on all your spending."
"You don't think I haven't done that?!" Shikamaru asks incredulously, gesturing out the window. "It's your idiot uncle funding this!"
Neji grits his teeth and thins his lips, looking out towards his home. Lee perks up with a beaming grin. "Lord Hyūga is just as enthusiastic about training as we are!"
"That – that is not—" Neji bunches his fists, taking a deep breath in through the mouth and lets it out through his nose aggressively. "I will have a chat with Uncle about this."
"Talk to your brat cousin, too!" Shikamaru calls after him when he spins around. "The village is getting tired of her parties!"
Neji pauses with his jaw set, byakugan flaring to life again, and Shikamaru is immediately doubling over with his stomach held, chakra point sealed.
Before he can confront his uncle about this nonsense, his first order of business is a legitimate shower.
He ignores any and all attempts to grab his attention as he makes his way through the village until he's back in the Hyūga compound.
One might think the last straw would be the moment he opened the door to his unit and is immediately coated in broken eggs and feathers, but his breaking point occurred long ago. At this point, Neji's just glad it wasn't an explosive tag or a set of kunai being launched at him. Part of rediscovering himself in the mountains was attempting to achieve inner calm, and he immediately puts to use those deep breathing exercises from those ridiculous self-help books Hinata insisted he bring with him. He calls for a servant to come clean the mess and makes short work of getting a shower.
Again, his uncle must wait because even if he's not going to personally hunt down the person responsible for the prank, he will have someone else do it. He enters the Uchiha district and immediately throws open the door of the police department, his destination known. He stops in front of a desk holding the Uchiha he knows cannot deny him. Sure, he could probably bother any other officer in this building, but one of the few joys Neji has left in life is bringing Sasuke misery.
He slams the feather he kept from the assault onto his desk.
Sasuke lifts his eyes to the feather, then to Neji and tilts his head. "Getting into bird keeping now that your back?"
"Someone broke into the Hyūga compound and left me a gift at my unit," Neji speaks shortly, lowering his glare at the Uchiha he despises with his entire chest. "You'll find them and bring them to justice."
"It was Hanabi," Sasuke immediately interjects and Neji scoffs, waving a hand.
"Absurd. She would never."
The idea of Hanabi playing some sort of prank on her older cousin was absurd to Neji. His little cousin was nothing more than an angel in his eyes. Sure, she was a powerhouse much like he was, but her heart was coated in sugar when it came to those she cared about. There was no plausible way Neji would ever believe his sweet cousin capable of such pitiful mischief.
He ignores the way Sasuke gives an exaggerated sigh, then throws his accusing finger towards a pink head of hair who is peeking from behind a corner, nosy as ever. He waves her over. "Sakura! You help him."
"Hm?" she questions innocently, hands on her hips as she makes her way over. She cranes her head to catch a glimpse of the feather on Sasuke's desk and Neji wrinkles his nose at her question, "is that…a feather?"
"Okay, wait a minute," Sasuke interjects and Neji rolls his eyes, already knowing his protest is coming from the idea of working directly with Sakura. "Why are you having me investigate a prank? In the Hyūga compound no less. It's obviously one of your clansmen."
"I have more important things to do," Neji snaps back.
"Like what? Brushing your hair exactly 100 times?"
"Like stopping our Hokage from opening 100 dojos!"
"That's true," Sakura pipes in, and both men throw their glare at her. She holds up her hands in defense.
"While we're on the topic—" Sasuke shoves his chair back and circles the desk to become face to face with Neji, who lifts his chin so he's looking down his nose at him. "I'm only letting you know because of Hinata—"
"I told you not to call her that."
"I am not referring to my girlfriend as Lady Hyūga," Sasuke growls and Neji's eyes go veiny with the conflict. Sakura sighs, stepping in between the two men and holding her arms out just as Sasuke's eyes turn red. Both of them take one step back, though their dōjutsus remain active. Sasuke grinds out, "only because I respect my girlfriend, I'm letting you know that an investigation is being launched on your uncle."
"What?" Neji snaps, stepping forward, causing Sakura to shove her palm into his shoulder to keep him at bay. "There's no need."
"It's not up to me," Sasuke waves a hand, his eyes casting out towards the main building of the district. Neji's eyes follow.
Neji huffs out, "it's Itachi, isn't it?"
"Don't drag my brother into this," Sasuke speaks warningly, stepping forward now as well.
Sakura stomps her foot and both men recoil when she brings her hands together, cracking her knuckles threateningly. "Enough you two!"
Sasuke grumbles incoherently under his breath and Neji huffs out of his nose, but they both concede, deactivating their dōjutsus and stepping away.
"Neji, we'll make this disturbance our number one priority!" Sakura ensures, holding her fist to her chest.
Neji squints suspiciously when Sasuke rolls his eyes, but nods regardless. "See to it you do."