Forget Forgiveness

Chapter 3

Fighting. Will it ever stop? Will that be good?

Will stopping the fighting really make me happy?

I sat out on a picnic table, alone, three weeks later. Eli hadn't been in school for three days now. I was worried, and even went by her house. Her dad gave me a small smile and said,

"She's sick. She'll be back in school in a few days."

In which I responded stupidly, "Oh, well, um, tell her I said 'feel better', and I'll get her homework for her, I guess." Then I ran off. I hated being alone. Ever since I lost my friendship with Seth, I made sure I was always surrounded by people. I wasn't close with any of them, but it kept me from being alone. I made a lot of stupid decisions keeping friends around that didn't care about me.

I heard someone clear their throat above me as I scribbled on a notebook, sitting at a picnic table at lunch. I looked up to see Seth standing over me. He held out a container of cookies. I raised my eyebrows. "Your favorite, my mom's peanut butter fudge. She wanted to thank you for the pie and welcome you home." I tentatively took the container. "Can I sit with you?" I gestured to the empty table, welcoming him.

"You're not forgiven." I said, lamely. His eyes locked with mine, making me feel the same feeling deep in my stomach when I looked into them at his house. "I can't… You scared me. I was terrified something had happened to you, turned you into something angry." Seth looked away, almost as if he wanted to tell me I was right. Like, something had happened to him. I watched his eyes dart over the woods as if keeping watch.

"I never want to hurt you." His voice was barely more than a whisper.

I went back to my scribbling.

"Where's Eli?" He asked, clearly trying to get me talking.

"She's sick." I looked down, then back up. "Wait, aren't you friends with Jake? He's her cousin."

"I was, but he moved to live with some friends down in Oregon." He said.

"Oh." I said. "So, he's not coming back?"

"He might come down this weekend. He's not sure." He said.

"Why did he move?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "He moved with some friends. Away to college and all that. Embry joined him."

"And Quil stayed?" I frowned. "I thought those three were, like, joined at the hip."

"Quil decided to stay." He was choosing his words very carefully.

"You mean he picked Sam over Jake." I looked around at a few of the boys who had the same build as Sam, and now Seth, standing near the edge of the forest. They glanced my way as if they heard Sam's name.

Seth seemed confused at my comments. "No, he just had more ties to La Push. Some people can't just up and leave." I felt the jab at my own decision to leave and choose to ignore it.

"Man, what is it with these boys and Sam. What is so cool about Sam that they all ditch their friends and go to him?"

Seth wasn't looking at me. He was watching the boys at the woods. "When you need someone, Sam is there. He takes you in when no one else will."

"Oh god. You're one of them!" I looked at him quickly.

"Excuse me?" He looked at me.

"One of Sam's puppies! The ones Jake warned you about! The ones Quil was scared of!" I laughed humorlessly. "I should have guessed. I mean, you look just like them."

"There is nothing wrong with Sam or his friends!" He gripped the table, angrily. I was a glutton for punishment, so I kept pushing his buttons even as he looked ready to boil over. Maybe I wanted him to be angry with me. If he stopped looking at me with so much… affection, maybe I wouldn't feel guilty being angry. He was shaking. "Why are you pushing me! I don't want to be angry with you!"

"What the hell happened to you?" My voice lowered, standing over him. I was shaking, but he was shaking even harder.

"ME? That's rich, coming from you! You've turned into Leah! Acting like a scorned lover!" He stood, making me realize how big he really was.

"You did this to me!" Tears fell down my cheeks. "You threw me aside for Sam!"

"I did this to you? Yeah, that's rich!" His laugh was cruel.

"Hey!" Eli's voice yelled. I turned to see her running up. She had grown at least a foot; she was now taller than me and was a lot more muscular. "Stop, both of you."

"Seth, calm down." She put her hand on his shoulder. "You don't want to do this. It's Sofie, you could hurt her. We can't have that."

His hand gently raised to cup my tear-stained cheek. I tried to pull away, but I couldn't get myself to do it. I could only make myself look from his regretful gaze. "Sofie…" He whispered as he pulled me closer.

"Don't…" My voice was a hoarse whisper.

"Jake and Embry are coming home for the weekend. They're at Emily's. Come see them. They want to see you." Eli looked to me.

"Now?" Seth asked, eyes never leaving my face.

I looked down. "I can't leave, my mom would kill me if I got in trouble. I haven't been daughter of the year for a while now."

"We could have them call my mom." Seth suggested. "Tell them your mom is busy and my mom can come get you. Say you're sick."

I shrugged, letting them pretend to half carry me to the office where the nurse was set up. "She just threw up on my shoes." Eli griped. The nurse looked at me. I turned to the trash can and started dry heaving. "Ew…" Eli faked disgust.

"I'll call your mom." The nurse told me.

"She's out of town for the week. I'm eighteen, can I just go?" I suggested. "Or my mom left me with Seth's mom for the weekend, you could call her." I said as if I didn't want her to do that. She nodded, dialing her number.

Sue came in and gave us all a look.

"Might as well sign these two out too. They won't do much in class when they're worried about her." She sighed.

Another ten minutes and I was in the front seat of Sue's car.

"So, this is how I get greeted after four years of not seeing you." Sue looked almost angry. "You call me, pretending to be sick, so you can get out of class."

I looked out the window and didn't answer. "And you. You don't need to skip school any more school than necessary. You're already repeating a year."

I turned to him. "That's why you didn't graduate! You said you were sick!"

"I lied." Seth muttered.

"What the he-."

"Sofia!" Sue yelled before I could say it.

"Sorry." I muttered.

"What is wrong with you two?" She asked.

"He started it!" I said at the same time Seth said,

"She started it!"

"Now you two sound like three year olds!" She yelled.

"Sorry." We said.

"What happened between you two? You used to be so close, now you won't stop fighting!" Seth and I grumbled under our breath. "Sounding like-." She was cut off as she pulled out into the street, as we were suddenly hit by an upcoming car. The car flipped out of control. I heard Seth screaming my name, felt his hands trying to grab me, but we were going too fast.

I cried out his name as my head made contact with something hard. My head spun; I wasn't sure if I was actually spinning or if hitting my head made it all spin. All I knew was when it went black, I couldn't feel the pain anymore. I couldn't feel anything.