This was really fun to write, and the Chok scene was an interesting challenge.I really hope I did justice to the feeling I was trying to convey. Despite the fact he shouldn't even be alive at this point in the timeline... but he was still kickin' at the end of SLC so it's not tooooo much of a stretch. Believe it or not, I'm trying to scale back on the glaring contradictions to the canon storyline as I go about rewriting this series.
Enjoy!
Chapter 8: Doing My Best
SEVEN MONTHS AGO:
When Kurda arrived in the Hall of Princes to hand Gracie off to Mika for the rest of the night, he frowned for a moment at the unusual scene playing out before him. The Hall was empty except for the Princes: Mika, Arrow, and Vancha were all sitting in the front pew, rather than their thrones. Only one throne was occupied, and the seat was filled by Chok Yamada. Chok was the only vampire in the clan who was older than Paris Skyle - which was ancient. Chok had been an exceptional Prince back in his day, but these days he was more than a little senile. He had good days and bad days, and today had clearly gone bad.
Chok seemed to be in the process of giving a grand speech to the vast room, where his only audience were his three colleagues sitting in the front row. Rather than walk up the centre aisle, Kurda cut around the side and hoped Chok wouldn't see him. But the elder Prince's eyes were as sharp as ever, and they immediately clocked Kurda as he slunk along the wall. Of course, Gracie's loud chatter didn't help his stealth factor either. She'd been part of their lives for almost a month and she always seemed to get excited about being in the Hall of Princes. Kurda blamed the stupid glow coming off the walls.
"LATE! YOU ARE LATE!" Chok bellowed, pointing a gnarled finger at Kurda, who winced. Mika, Arrow, and Vancha all turned around, sighing in varying degrees of exasperation. Gracie let out a shrill squeal of excitement when she saw Mika, and he gave her a little wave before turning back to the front to refocus on Chok.
Chok continued his speech, and Kurda silently made his way down the pew to sit beside Mika.
"Hey, Princess!" Mika greeted Gracie in a whisper, clearly trying not to draw Chok's attention. He gently gathered her into his arms and gave her a little kiss on the forehead.
"I see he's having a day." Kurda muttered under his breath, glancing up at Chok.
"He won't let any of us sit in our thrones." Mika sighed. "Doesn't recognize us. If we go near the stairs, he tries to call the guards. He's confused. It's easier on him if we just wait it out."
"His reflexes and his nails are sharp as ever!" Vancha hissed, leaning over and showing Kurda the fresh cut on his forehead.
"You know we have laws about this kind of thing, right?" Said Arrow in an undertone. "If a vampire goes mad, or becomes infirm, we're supposed to do the honourable thing... you know..."
"I call not honour-killing Chok." Mika replied flatly.
"I don't want to do it either!" Arrow protested. "I was just stating facts!"
"Chok is immune to execution. We're all immune to execution." Said Vancha.
"But are we immune to execution from each other?" Arrow asked, rather quizzically.
"A Prince can be automatically dethroned and executed if his fellow Princes unanimously agree he is unfit for his position. That's the official rule." Mika explained. "If one other Prince disagrees, it has to go through a vote among the Generals."
"We're not going through all that just because Chok gets confused sometimes!" Arrow hissed.
"I didn't say we should dethrone him." Mika grumbled, rubbing his temples. "I just explained the rules that you should already know."
"He's not hurting anyone." Said Vancha. "He'll get tired and go to bed soon, then we can get back to work."
"Unexpected take from the Prince so devoted to tradition he won't even drink ale." Said Mika, arching an eyebrow at Vancha, who reddened. "Since when are you soft?"
"Soft? That's rich coming from the man holding a baby." Vancha retorted. "Chok's not your average vampire. He's served the clan since before any of us were born! If anyone has earned immunity, it's him. Senile or otherwise."
"Should we let Paris know he's getting worse? Perhaps he's got experience with… this type of situation." Arrow mused seriously, gesturing at Chok.
"Are we in charge or not?" Mika hissed. "We don't need to ask Paris for help. You know he'll get worried and cut his trip short. Not that he should be travelling halfway across the damn world at his age, but still. Let him enjoy it in peace."
"So we agree." Said Vancha in an undertone, glancing up at Chok who was still speaking loudly to no one in particular. "He lives out his days in peace. And we'll do what we can to preserve his dignity."
Kurda sat and listened to the Princes converse quietly for a few minutes, before preparing to leave.
"Can I do anything to help?" He asked redundantly.
"All we can do at this point is make sure he's safe." Mika sighed. "Can you take Gracie for a few extra hours after your meeting? I'll have to move a few appointments around to make up for this little delay."
Kurda nodded, and listened to Chok for a while longer. He wasn't overly familiar with the current oldest Prince. But if the grand speech was any indication, he'd been a memorable one.
Gracie started fussing on the pew so Mika gently set her on the floor so she could play freely, and she seemed to be satisfied with that. But they forgot how fast she was. Both Mika and Kurda only looked away from her for a fraction of a second as Chok yelled at a guard for sneezing in the back of the room. Before either of them could react, she'd crawled all the way to the stairs up to the throne platform. Chok hadn't paid her any mind when Kurda walked in with her, but suddenly she was the sole focus of his attention.
"What is this?! Who brought a human here?" Chok growled, holding Gracie at arm's length and glaring suspiciously. Kurda, Mika, Arrow, and Vancha all shot to their feet in quick succession. Arrow and Vancha exchanged worried looks, but Mika's eyes were trained on Chok. Bear in mind that Chok has met Gracie on multiple occasions. It just so happened that today wasn't a good day for him. Heart pounding, Kurda drew breath in preparation to take responsibility.
"Let me handle this." He heard Mika murmur. Then he continued calmly: "She's with me, Sire Yamada. That's Gracie. I'm looking after her temporarily until I can find her a human family."
Mika held up his hands like a professional hostage negotiator, and began to slowly walk towards the throne platform. Chok narrowed his eyes.
"You have no business bringing a human here, Dominic." Chok growled ominously at Mika. "I could have you arrested and killed for this. Know your place!"
Kurda heard Mika sigh, but he didn't attempt to argue with Chok. And Kurda understood why. It was no secret that Chok's mind had been slowly slipping over the past few years. In this moment, Chok had no idea who Mika was. "Dominic" was a guard who used to work here, and vaguely resembled Mika. So in the moments when Chok's mind reset by a few centuries, Mika became Dominic. And it was pointless to try to convince him otherwise. This was just a thing that happened sometimes.
"I know, Sire." Mika continued, his voice low and measured. "I assure you it won't happen again. If you'd be so kind as to pass her to me, I'll take her away so you can resume your speech. I've already wasted enough of your time."
Gracie whined a little, then began to cry. Chok looked down at her, seemingly startled by the noise. Kurda could feel his heartbeat in his throat. Both himself and Mika were hyper-vigilant of their supernatural strength every time they handled Gracie. She was so tiny and fragile compared to them. Even in his advanced age, Chok was just as strong as they were. And he seemed to become more confused by the second. Kurda glanced at Mika, but Mika was still completely focused on Chok. If he was as anxious as Kurda felt, he wasn't showing it. Mika was slowly moving closer to Chok, arms outstretched and ready to take Gracie back.
"Such a loud little thing." Chok noted disdainfully, staring down at her. "Quiet, you. Quiet!"
Mika was just over a foot away from them now, but he seemed to be waiting for Chok to hand her over voluntarily. Kurda had no choice but to trust that Mika knew what he was doing.
"Try rocking her a little." Said Mika steadily. "That usually calms her down."
Chok glared down at Gracie, who was wailing louder by the second. Now that Mika was standing so close, she was reaching for him. But to Kurda's shock, he took Mika's suggestion, readjusted his arms and began to rock her. A little clumsily, but his expression changed as her cries eased up for a moment.
"I had a son…" said Chok slowly, in a completely different tone. "Before the clan. His name… it was…" The old Prince faltered and his face clouded as he struggled to recall his son's name. Kurda felt a pang of sympathy but it was slight. The man was still essentially holding his baby hostage, after all. Mika didn't skip a beat.
"Your son's name was Soto." Said Mika quietly. "You've told us stories about him."
Chok's eyes softened at the sound of the name, and Kurda knew without a doubt that Mika wasn't just making it up as he went.
"Soto…" Chok sighed. "Yes. My son. He was little like this, long ago." He stopped rocking Gracie, a faraway look on his face as he stood rooted to the spot. It was as if his mind was travelling far away from this place. Not in distance, but in centuries.
Gracie began to cry again, partially because the arms holding her had stiffened, but mostly because she could see Mika standing right there and wanted to go back to him. The sound of the crying seemed to break the spell. Chok huffed in exasperation and shoved her unceremoniously (albeit gently) back into Mika's arms. Kurda exhaled in relief and he could see Mika did the same.
"Get the human out of here, Dominic." Chok snapped. "This is the Hall of Princes, not an orphanage. And consider yourself lucky that I do not tell the other Princes about your lapse of judgement lest they have you executed for your unprofessionalism! A baby in Vampire Mountain... bah!"
Mika nodded respectfully, and gave Chok a little bow as he retreated.
"My deepest thanks for your mercy, Sire Yamada." Mika replied. "I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for my carelessness. I will not disappoint you again."
Once his back was facing Chok, Mika shot Arrow and Vancha a loaded glance.
"I'm heading out for the night." Mika told them in a low voice. "Let me know if you need... help. I'll be around."
They both nodded grimly, and Mika left the hall with Kurda close behind.
"Charna's guts!" Kurda groaned as soon as Mika had closed the door to the Hall of Princes. "I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I didn't realize how far his mind had slipped!"
"Tread carefully, Smahlt." Said Mika as they walked briskly down the corridor. "Sire Yamada is still your superior, and either of us would be damn lucky to accomplish half of what he's done."
"I know that!" Kurda retorted. "I mean no disrespect, but you'll have to forgive me if the sight of a senile old vampire holding our fragile human baby was a little unsettling for me!"
"You think it was a highlight of my day?" Mika snapped back. "I practically grew up idolizing Chok and the rest. And now he thinks I'm some guard named Dominic half the time."
"My deepest condolences to your bruised ego!" Said Kurda, rolling his eyes. "You'd better keep Gracie away from him."
"Right, because my ego is the victim here." Mika growled sardonically. "Watching one of my lifelong mentors slowly losing his mind doesn't bother me at all. I know better than to take my eyes off Gracie when she's in the hall with me. Today was a fluke. And by the way, he wouldn't have hurt her. He's not a monster, he was just confused."
"Maybe not, but he scared her!" Kurda persisted. "She hasn't taken her face out of your neck since we left the room!"
It was true. Gracie had stopped crying quickly after Mika took her back, but she was still clinging to him like a frightened koala.
"Oh my gods, I know that, Smahlt! Why do you think I tried so hard to keep him calm til he gave her back to me?"
"I'm not attacking you." Kurda sighed. "You handled it well. I've been in a lot of negotiations, but that?! I wouldn't have known what to say."
"He really did have a son named Soto before he became a vampire… he died in a war. Chok used to talk about him all the time. I didn't just make it up to calm him down." Said Mika, and suddenly his voice had softened. Also, he was no longer walking with purpose as though trying to put as much distance as possible between them and the Hall. He slowed to a casual, directionless amble which made it much easier for Kurda to fall into step beside him.
"I could tell it was true by the way you said it, and the way he responded." Kurda replied. "Sorry I yelled at you."
"Sorry I snapped at you."
They walked in silence for a few corridors.
"Want to go sit on opposite sides of the table and take turns feeding her cookies?" Kurda suggested eventually.
"Definitely."
PRESENT DAY:
Chok lived longer than anyone expected. His body was found in his coffin after the Princes noticed an absence of his mental signal one night. He seemed to have passed in his sleep.
It had been a slow week up til that point. Mika had planned to take the full night off to hang out with Gracie - Arrow owed him a double shift anyway. But that was before the news of Chok's passing broke throughout the mountain. So Mika had no choice but to regretfully inform Kurda they'd have to throw that plan out the window because it was all hands on deck.
The Hall of Princes had mostly emptied out; everyone in the mountain was scurrying around to prepare for the funeral. Only Mika, Arrow, Paris, Seba, and a few of the older Generals remained in the Hall. Seba was talking logistics. Mika was listening and nodding intently, despite the fact that his mind was elsewhere. Because you can say "even in death may you be triumphant" over and over til you're blue in the face but the hard truth is there's no quick or easy way to say goodbye to someone who's been a key figure in your life for hundreds of years. And all Mika really wanted was a Gracie hug, a strong drink, and a long sleep. In that exact order.
But when a Prince dies, it's a whole thing. Unless the Prince in question specifically requested otherwise, a royal funeral was a lengthy affair that spanned days. It was basically like preparing for the Festival of the Undead…but with one week's notice. Seba posed the question, "would Sire Yamada have preferred for his cremation pyre to be made of cedar or pine?" to which the remaining Princes were scratching their heads and asking themselves why no one ever thought to ask Chok while he was still alive. It's not like death is an uncomfortable topic for vampires.
"Go with pine. I think his desk is made of some kind of evergreen; I can only assume he liked it. And for future reference, put me down for cedar." Said Mika seriously.
Seba let out a warm chuckle.
"Sire Ver Leth, by the time you leave us behind I shall be long gone and it will be another Quartermaster's responsibility to plan your grand exit ceremony."
Mika rolled his eyes, but never got a chance to fire back a witty retort. His focus was pulled by Kurda nudging his consciousness through their mental link.
KS: Got a minute?
MVL: Need more context.
KS: I'm outside the Hall of Princes. Gracie is requesting a meeting with you. I know you're busy but she's very persistent.
Mika had never slammed the automatic door panel on his armrest so quickly. The door whizzed open to admit them. As Kurda drew closer, Gracie spotted Mika and let out a delighted yell of acknowledgement.
"Hi Daddy!"
That was all Mika needed to hear. His entire universe lit up at the sound of her voice as he left his throne behind and walked towards them.
"There's my best friend." Mika sighed contentedly as she climbed into his arms. It wasn't until he heard his own voice crack that he realized how hard this was actually hitting him, and how badly he needed this. He snuggled her against his chest, and instantly felt his heart lift as she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him back. He closed his eyes for a second or two, wishing he could pause time right then and there.
"I figured you could use a visit." Said Kurda. "With her, obviously. Not me. I'm just her ride."
"I always have time for a meeting with the princess. Thanks for stopping by." Mika replied. He chuckled softly as she reached up to grab at his nose. Nobody's nose was safe when those little hands came out to play.
"I'm sorry to hear about Sire Yamada. Even in death may he be triumphant." Said Kurda. He made the Death's Touch sign, and Mika did the same, nodding appreciatively.
"Thank you." Said Mika. "He lived and ruled honourably. His trip to Paradise was well-deserved. I know he wasn't always easy to get along with, especially in the last few years. But there was no one else like Chok. I'm going to miss him."
Somewhere in that moment of candid honesty, Mika felt his composure slip. But it had been such a draining night he couldn't pull the mask back on as quickly as he normally would have. Suddenly his throat and eyes were burning painfully and oh gods this was about to be bad.
In a desperate last-ditch attempt to save face, he quickly set Gracie on the floor, knelt down and made a big production of re-tying her shoelaces. The funny thing is that when Kurda picked these shoes out during a supply run in the nearest human village, Mika scoffed because why on earth would a one-year-old need shoes with laces? The damn shoes ended up saving the moment for him.
But Kurda was neither blind nor an idiot. The shoelaces had been fine. And while their friendship was tenuous at best, how could they not care about each other even a tiny bit? And a tiny bit was all that was needed today.
"How long have you been in here?" Kurda ventured as Mika stood back upright, Gracie in his arms once more.
"I don't know… six, maybe seven hours? Do you have any idea how much logistical coordination goes into a royal funeral?"
Kurda heaved a long-suffering sigh, but cracked a brittle smile at his co-parent.
"Of course I know, Mika. I work here too. Why don't we go for a walk? I'm sure you could use some air. Feels a little stale in here." He suggested, arching an eyebrow pointedly.
"I shouldn't. There's so much to do. We're temporarily relaxing the flit rule, soon there'll be dozens of vampires arriving by the hour. Chok could be controversial but he had a lot of friends who'll want to be here for his send-off."
"Delegate the tasks that need attention, and the staff do their jobs." Kurda pressed. "You have no qualms about being in charge any other day."
"We've been meeting with Seba and his staff supervisors all night. They're getting everything handled. Seba's overseen more royal funerals than Arrow and I anyway, he knows the drill."
"First you make it sound like you're single-handedly planning the whole event with no help, and now you're contradicting yourself. I have no doubt Seba's on top of this. So let him do his job, you stubborn pain in the ass." Said Kurda with thinly veiled impatience. "If someone needs you for something, I guarantee they'll track you down."
Mika rolled his eyes, but he knew he didn't have an argument.
"Fine. I was hungry anyway."
Mika's last order of official business was to deliver Seba's written list of instructions to the mountain sentries who guarded the outermost access points. So they picked up a few snacks from the Hall of Khledon Lurt and took the picnic outdoors. It was summer, so the weather was just warm enough to be bearable for Gracie as long as they dressed her in a few extra layers. So Mika dropped the list off, and they found a sheltered outcropping in which to enjoy the contents of Kurda's backpack: fresh biscuits, strips of cured meat, a bottle of wine, and cookies that were allegedly for Gracie, but it was no accident that there were more than enough for two and a half people to share.
"Remember when I walked into the Hall and Chok was giving that speech while you, Arrow, and Vancha all sat in the pew like a bunch of rookie Generals, then he picked Gracie up and thought you were some guard named Dominic?" Kurda recounted as he sipped velvety red straight out of the bottle before passing it to Mika. Mika took it, but didn't immediately take a drink. He glared reproachfully at Kurda.
"That was a bad day for him." Mika snapped, suddenly on edge again. "He wasn't in his own mind. If we disagreed with his perception of reality, it would've-"
"Oh, shut up and drink your bottle." Kurda cut him off, rolling his eyes. He put his fingers on the bottom of the wine bottle and tipped it up towards Mika's lips. "You think I'd throw dirt on a dead man's dignity? If you'd let me finish, I was going to say what I remember most about that night actually wasn't him holding our baby hostage. It was the speech he was giving - or thought he was giving. It was incredible." Kurda paused for a moment, watching as Mika relaxed just as quickly as he'd tensed up. Kurda quirked an eyebrow and added, "Much better than any of yours."
Kurda waited for Mika to hit back with a haughty jab of his own - he couldn't help but respect how effortlessly Mika could match his underhanded sarcasm. But Mika didn't take that route this time. Instead he cocked his head sideways to glance at Kurda with a strangely contemplative expression.
"None of us could command a room like Chok." Said Mika simply. "Paris handles the spotlight well… but he doesn't actually want it. Vancha likes being the centre of attention, but he'd rather skip the formalities and get straight to the sporting halls. Arrow's good at taking charge in a meeting, but he gets nervous giving actual speeches unless he has it all written down in front of him."
"Then there's you." Kurda remarked seriously.
"Then there's me." Mika echoed, with a snort of slight derision. "Just doing my best."
Kurda frowned. That was an uncharacteristically humble take from Sire Ver Leth.
"Chok lived for it. It came naturally to him… it was like a gift. And he used it to do great things. I know I'm good, but I'm not Chok." Mika added. He took another sip from the bottle before passing it back to Kurda and breaking a cookie in half to share with Gracie. She was sitting in his lap, double-wrapped in a thick fur cloak.
"Isn't that the point?" Said Kurda evenly. He paused and took a drink as well. "You're not supposed to be copies of each other. Every Prince is chosen for different reasons. No one's ever going to be Chok. But in a few hundred years you'll be dead, and some younger Prince will be sitting out here whining because he'll never be Mika Ver Leth."
For a moment, there was a flicker of something in Mika's eyes. Something Kurda couldn't immediately identify because it wasn't part of Mika's standard range of emotion. Then Kurda was certain he'd imagined it, because in a split second Mika's face was once again a mask of cool calculation.
"Hopefully you outlive me long enough to sit down with that guy and tell him 'it's better that way, even one Mika was too much'."
Kurda rolled his eyes again, sighed in exasperation, and elbowed Mika in the arm.
"You know I'd rather pull my own tooth than stroke your ego, but I was going to let it slide because you're sad." Kurda informed him drily. "I was about to say you're every bit as solid in that department as Chok was, even at half his age. But never mind."
Mika glanced sideways at him, the same strange expression on his face.
"Damn. I would've appreciated hearing that today."
"Well, you've missed your chance."
"You're the worst." Mika huffed, with no real bite to his words. He elbowed Kurda back.
For about five minutes they simply sat and inhaled the intoxicatingly crisp fresh air. The only ambiance was a wolf howling in the distance, and Gracie asking repeatedly if they could go out into the woods and pet the local wildlife.
"I'll never forget that Chok was the Prince on duty for my first Trial of Initiation." Kurda recounted, after distracting Gracie with a fourth cookie. "It was the Burning Ladders, and he told me to my face that he bet his second-favourite dagger on me failing."
Mika snorted in amusement, causing Gracie to giggle along with him.
"Yeah… he was kind of a prick." Mika admitted. "You know, he used to always have a bag of sunflower seeds in pocket. On my first day as a Prince… I was sitting in my throne, looking over my schedule and minding my own business, when the bastard starts throwing seeds at my head."
Kurda couldn't help but laugh at the image.
"I didn't know what to say. I just looked at him like he was crazy. He said it's our job as Princes to keep each other humble, because nobody else was going to. But I think he was just hazing me to see how I'd take it. He threw seeds at me every day for a week. Every single time we were in the same room, even during meetings." Mika continued.
"I can't picture you tolerating that." Said Kurda, grinning. "Either he was more intimidating than I remember, or you weren't as tough back then."
"Wait for it. One I noticed he was eating peanuts instead, and I knew it was only a matter of time. Five minutes into our first meeting of the night he threw a peanut across the table, directly at my face. So I did a really convincing impression of someone into anaphylactic shock. I'd also gotten Vancha in on it - he started yelling that I was deathly allergic. That really sold it. Chok thought he killed me with a fucking peanut. He was terrified."
"You're evil!" Kurda managed to choke out through gales of laughter because he could see the scene play out so clearly in his mind, it was so petty, so wickedly clever, so Mika. Now Mika was laughing just as hard as Kurda was, to the point where it was a struggle just to get through the story.
"Then I got up off the floor, ate the peanut, and told him I was just trying to keep him humble. He laughed as hard as we are right now. And we called it even after that." He managed to finish, wiping a tear from his eye.
"Oh my gods, I hope you put that in the eulogy." Said Kurda as he caught his breath.
Mika's smile turned sad again and his laughter died completely.
"I did, actually. I wrapped it up in a nice metaphor about friendship and camaraderie. But more than anything else, I just thought it was funny. Chok was such a good sport. That's how I want everyone to remember him. Not as a senile old man who gave speeches to empty rooms."
"Well, I bet Chok would be honoured if you continued his tradition of throwing objects at rookie Princes to break them in."
"I fully intend to. So far there's only been Arrow after me, but we already don't take each other seriously so he doesn't count. Too bad Crepsley turned his promotion down. Would've loved to throw a peanut at that face for all the stress he's caused Seba over the years."
"Knowing Larten, he'd probably skip the theatrics and go straight to throttling you with his bare hands." Kurda snickered. "Did you know I witnessed his and Vancha's legendary brawl with my own two eyes? He doesn't pull his punches."
"Seriously? I would've killed to see that in person!" Said Mika incredulously. "I was locked in the Hall of Princes that night, in a meeting or something. Bet I could goad them into a rematch if Larten ever comes back to Council."
They carried on like that for another hour. Just talking, reminiscing, even managing to work a few more laughs in there. Without knowing, they broke their record for longest conversation without an argument. Of course, they were still Mika and Kurda which meant there was still an invisible wall between them. But they were used to it now. Comfortable, even.
"I should head back up and see how the others are doing. Paris is taking this one hard. With Chok gone, he's the last of the old guard." Said Mika after finishing the wine during a lull in conversation. Normally they weren't in the habit of drinking while on Gracie duty, but the wine wasn't strong enough to put a dent in their sobriety. And it was a special occasion.
"This whole time I've been feeling sorry for you, when Paris should've been the object of my sympathy. Stuck in one room with any combination of you, Arrow, and Vancha? That's no way to live." Kurda teased.
Mika's face clouded over, and Kurda cringed internally.
"Sorry." Kurda groaned. "But in my defence, I never know from one second to the next whether we're doing the snarky comeback thing or not. It's impossible to tell with you."
"I have to keep you on your toes somehow." Said Mika. Then he sighed wearily, and slowly ran his hands through his hair. "But earlier tonight I saw Paris break down and cry, and that was the worst part of my whole decade by far. Can't really wrap that up in sarcasm. I just… fuck, I hate that. Because-"
"Because you're wired to solve problems, but there's nothing you can do for something like this. It's the only time you feel powerless." Kurda finished the sentence.
Mika didn't reply right away. He sat still for a moment, staring up into the stars with Gracie wrapped up in the front of his coat, preparing to sleep off her cookie hangover.
"Thought you were going to say it's because I'm emotionally challenged or something." Said Mika at last. His tone was clipped and businesslike again, and that was almost certainly on purpose. He didn't look at Kurda, but the corner of his mouth twitched.
"Well, I'm sure that factors in somewhere." Kurda moved a little closer, but only because he wanted to stroke Gracie's wisps of golden hair one more time before she fell asleep. They didn't talk much more as they headed back up the mountain, but they did walk side by side.
Side note: sometimes I think maybe I comically exaggerated how cautious and totally incompetent Mika felt during the early weeks with Gracie. However, earlier today a friend handed me their baby, which started crying, and my immediate reaction was oh my god help what do i DO with this?! My second thought was, okay, Mika's hangups were completely justified.
If you're enjoying this, a comment or a kudo would mean the world to me! This fandom is very small - I take absolutely nothing for granted. Thanks for reading!
- Roxy