This chapter was adapted slightly from the original story. I left almost everything in, but added a few new scenes for *emotional depth* or whatever.

Chapter 11: Comfort Zone

Mika figured Kurda's temporary absence would make his life a little harder. But he vastly underestimated exactly how hard. He found himself repeatedly checking the calendar to gauge roughly how many weeks remained til Kurda's scheduled homecoming.

Did Mika miss Kurda? Of course not. He missed having backup. He missed sleeping. He missed having time to eat. Council preparations were in full swing, the mountain was short-staffed, and Mika was currently doing the work of three Princes and two dads.

It wasn't that Mika ever wanted a break from Gracie, but it would be awfully grand to have a night to himself. Go sparring with Arrow, have some cold drinks, stay up way too late and take a hangover nap in his throne between meetings the following day. The type of fun where he couldn't bring Gracie along for the ride. He'd choose her over all that, no questions asked. But every now and then he got to enjoy the best of both worlds.

But Mika wasn't the only one struggling in the wake of their family of three being temporarily reduced to two.

Around the one month mark of Kurda's absence, Mika was casually editing some pre-council documents at his desk when he realized it was too quiet. Gracie was in here somewhere, and it was almost bedtime. The older Gracie got, the more her personality developed. And the list of stark similarities between her and Mika was growing longer by the day. One of which being that their standard response to "you should probably go to bed" was "hold my ale/apple juice and watch this".

So when Mika realized Gracie put herself to bed unprompted, the first thing he did was feel her forehead to check for a fever. False alarm, but he was still concerned. She seemed much more subdued than usual. Then Mika noticed what had changed. Instead of the ratty old blanket she always snuggled with, she was clinging to a white, adult-sized t-shirt. And if you know anything about Mika, you know he doesn't own white t-shirts.

"You okay, Gracie?" Mika asked, even though he'd already identified the issue. She gave him a stoic little nod, but her chin was trembling. "You miss him, don't you?" he added gently.

And that opened the floodgates in a way Mika hadn't quite been prepared for. The sound of her crying still made him feel like his heart was being carved from his body with a blunt knife, but he knew how to handle it now. He scooped her up in his arms and wandered aimlessly around the room for a few minutes while she sobbed messily into his neck - still clinging to Kurda's shirt. Eventually Mika sat down in his chair and sat Gracie on the desk facing him, so he could meticulously wipe her tears.

"Miss Daddy." She admitted, the words barely decipherable.

"It's okay to miss him. That means you love him." Said Mika, wishing Kurda was here in his place because Kurda was so much better at this shit. But he was thousands of miles away - which was the entire issue.

"He coming back?" Gracie asked, voice wavering.

"Of course he's coming back. I know it feels like he's been gone forever, but really it's only for a little while." Mika told her. And even though Kurda hadn't been gone very long by vampire standards, the time was ticking by slower than Mika had anticipated.

"Where Daddy go?"

"He went to France, to talk to some people. Remember when he was telling us about Paris? He said he'd bring me back some butter croissants."

Gracie nodded slowly but didn't look totally convinced.

"Why Daddy go?"

"He has a very important job to do. He's a General. That means he has to make sure everyone's behaving like they're supposed to. Kind of like my job, but not as cool."

"When he home?"

"About two months from now. It'll go by faster than you think. Then you can hug him so hard he falls down."

She nodded again, looking slightly more reassured.

"Daddy miss Daddy?"

"I'm sure he misses me very much."

"No, Daddy miss Daddy?" This time she pointed emphatically at Mika.

"Do I miss him?" Mika paused and thought about his answer. But given his audience, there was only one appropriate way to answer that question. "Yes, Gracie. I miss him too."

Gracie had one more item on her internal checklist:

"Daddy miss me?"

That one was much easier to answer.

"Oh gods, yeah. He misses you so much. He thinks about you every day, and he can't wait to come home."

It was getting late and Gracie seemed to have perked up, so Mika tucked her back into her little coffin. But he sat on the floor beside her for a few more minutes, just in case.

"You feeling better now?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Good girl. You can talk to me about anything, anytime. We have to take care of each other - especially when General Daddy's not here to keep an eye on us."

She giggled contentedly. Mika smiled and tickled her belly which made her laugh even harder. Mika knew better than to get her excited before going to sleep, but she looked so much happier now he couldn't resist.

"Okay, Princess. You've already managed to extend your bedtime by a solid half-hour, so this is where we end today." Said Mika gently. Then he gave her a little kiss on the forehead. "Sweet dreams. I love you."

"Love you!"

Mika started to get up, but she apparently wasn't done.

"Daddy, can I have a pet now?"

Damn. He really thought she'd forgotten about the pet thing. She hadn't mentioned it since the week before Kurda left, and Mika thought she'd forgotten about it. But we'll circle back to that.

"Ah. So this whole thing was an elaborate guilt trip. Honestly, I respect that." Mika replied drily, still smiling. "As per our previous negotiation, we'll re-assess the pet situation closer to your birthday."

She laughed again, as she always did when Mika used big words. He hated baby talk, so he conversed with her like a tiny adult. She'd hang onto his every word, eyes alight with interest and Mika liked to think she understood more than she let on. Everyone thinks their kid is smarter than average. But Mika knows.

He began to stand up a second time.

"No, Daddy. Stay." Gracie protested, in a way that sounded more like an executive order. And that was that on that.

Not for the first time, Mika slept on the floor beside her coffin that night. Close enough that she could hold his pinky finger as she drifted off. And even though the floor was hard and cold, Mika slept better than he ever did in his own coffin.

Back to the pet thing. A while back, as most children do, Gracie expressed interest in acquiring an animal companion. And being mutually wrapped around her little finger, both Mika and Kurda gave legitimate consideration to if and how they could make that work.

Mika thought maybe a wolf pup. There were plenty around the mountain. He'd never go snatch one from its mother, but runts got abandoned by their packs all the time. There'd be no shame in rescuing one who'd been left to die. Mika tried to justify it by reminding Kurda wolves were an integral part of vampiric heritage. Also, Mika was a dog person. But it was a non-starter. Both Mika and Kurda were allowed one "veto" each month which they can use to strike down the other's idea with no questions asked. Ironically the veto system was Mika's idea, but it worked against him this time around because he'd already used his veto (on something stupid) when Kurda vetoed the wolf pup.

"Who's going to clean up after the thing? It won't be Gracie. And something tells me it won't be Sire Ver Leth either. That leaves me." Was Kurda's main argument. Although Kurda did enjoy a hearty laugh at the mental image of Mika dejectedly walking the big hairy beast on a leash in one hand, and holding a doo-doo baggie in the other.

Kurda figured a cat was more reasonable. Cuddly friend and rodent control, all in one. There were already a handful of semi-feral "barn cats" that roamed the caverns where animals were bred and raised to feed the mountain. Kurda figured they could just grab one of those. Mika wasn't enthusiastic but didn't have a counter-argument or a veto, so he accompanied Kurda on his quest to capture one. Neither of them factored in a cat's natural aversion to vampires. They couldn't get near any of them. At least until Kurda flitted across the room to wrangle a fat tabby that looked lazy, but ended up almost clawing Kurda's eye out as soon as he got his hands on it.

They told Gracie "maybe you can have a pet for your birthday" and moved on with their lives. So at that point, massive fucking tarantula was not an option on the table. Especially Mika's table. The irony of that would quickly become apparent.

To say Mika's afraid of spiders is an unfair oversimplification. Clinical phobia is much more accurate. Seeing as Mika breezed through his first four Trials of Initiation back in the day, it was only fitting that the fifth and final left him with PTSD. The Gauntlet of Darkness; a massive obstacle course in which the last step was to crawl up an impossibly narrow cavern that was full to the brim with about three trillion spiders. If you lose your grip and fall, you die. Also you're blindfolded through the entire thing.

All it took was twenty minutes of being trapped in a tiny space, every inch of his body covered in spiders from head to toe, consumed by the prickling, burning itch of their hairy little bodies and nibbling pincers as they quite literally drowned him. And because he needed both hands to cling to the wall, he was unable to brush them off. So he climbed until the razor-sharp rock face shredded his flesh to pieces so thoroughly it felt like the spiders were not only on his skin, but in it.

Mika passed the trial of course, but his victory feast was postponed til the following night. He emerged an incapacitatedly nervous wreck, and the medics had to sedate him lest he claw off what was left of his skin because the burning itch lingered long after the spiders were gone. That experience was more than enough to rewire some part of his brain that time never quite reset.

Physically, Mika recovered within a few days. He moved on to bigger and better things and remedies the fear by staying far away from any corner and crevice where spiders have been known to frequent. Over a hundred years later, he still wakes up in a cold sweat from time to time feeling like there's things crawling under his skin. But as long as the only spiders he has to deal with are the ones in his dreams, he thinks that's an okay compromise.

And then Gracie got her first pet.

It was an exceptionally busy week in Vampire Mountain and Mika's schedule was jam packed. Not to mention Kurda was still away on his trip so The Mika And Gracie Show was airing twenty-four hours a day. It was hectic, but they were surviving. Gracie was content to follow Mika around like a little shadow, or else perch on his shoulders and wave at everyone. But Mika was extremely conscientious about what parts of his schedule she was and wasn't allowed to be present for. Meetings, sure. Presiding over ever-gruesome Trials of Initiation? Not a chance. And that was the biggest thing on his agenda that night.

When Seba offered to take her for a night, Mika accepted gratefully. Gracie loved "Grampa Seba", and the tasks of a Quartermaster were usually quite tame. There were even things she could "help" him with, like tidying up or stocking the lower shelves. Or her favourite activity - checking on the resident population of farm animals. She always came back beaming after a night with Seba , and this time would be no different. The only one who wouldn't be beaming was Mika.

"Grampa Seba!"

"Yes, Grace?"

"Cow sleep in my room?"

Seba looked up from his current task - taking inventory of the chicken feed - to turn around and see Gracie getting up close and personal with one of the very curious cows. They'd gotten to her favourite part of the Quartermaster's routine - checking on the animals. Seba chuckled contentedly. She'd been going on and on about the prospect of one day having her own pet. She claimed her dads said she could have one for her birthday. Which was strategic on their part, because there was no way to know when her birthday was.

"My dear, I am not sure that cow would even fit through your door." Said Seba reasonably.

"Oh."

"But you are welcome to visit her anytime you wish!" Seba added. That made her feel a little better. Seba went back work until he heard,

"Pig sleep in my room?"

He turned around again. She was checking out the pig pens.

"How would you get any sleep with all that oinking?" Seba asked seriously. "They are very loud when they get hungry. And they are always hungry."

That stumped Gracie, so she moved down the aisle.

"Chicken sleep in my room! Chicken small!"

Seba had to think about that one.

"Yes, Grace. A chicken certainly would fit in your room. But what if..." he paused dramatically. "...she laid an egg in your coffin? And you rolled onto it while you were sleeping? You would not want to wake up covered in egg juice, would you?" If there was one food no one could convince Gracie to touch, it was eggs.

"No eggs!" Gracie exclaimed most decisively, leaping back from the chicken cage while giggling to herself.

"How about you take this basket of straw and throw it in the pig pen? They look like they need some fresh bedding." Seba suggested kindly. They didn't, their enclosure had been cleaned out earlier that morning by the staff. But Gracie loved to help - or more accurately, to think she was helping. She rushed over eagerly and took the basket of straw, which she flung into the air above the pen and watched it fall like rain. For a few minutes she watched the pigs as they rooted their snouts through it, then they lay down for a nap and she returned to Seba's side.

"Grampa Seba?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Can I have pet?"

Hmmm, Thought Seba.

"You have lots of pets, Grace. Look at all these animals you can pet!"

"No, Grampa Seba! My pet! To sleep in room with me!" She insisted with fierce determination.

"What kind of animal would you like for your pet, Grace?"

Her face clouded.

"Don't know."

"Ah, well that is perfectly fine. Someday you will find a pet that is just right for you."

Gracie made a huffy sound. For the next twenty minutes, she kept busy by picking up tiny handfuls of straw from the pile and throwing it into the pig pen. Eventually Seba finished what he needed to do, and they started to make their way up the long corridor that led to the upper part of the mountain. As they went, Seba observed one of the torches had gone out, so he stopped to relight it. He only turned his back to Gracie for about thirty seconds, but as he turned back around he heard...

"Grampa Seba! Found pet!"

In all his very long life, Seba didn't think he'd ever heard such an excited voice. There stood the little girl, absolutely grinning from ear to ear. Clutched gently in her little hands was a massive and very fluffy grey tarantula. It was roughly the size of a kitten.

Seba's heart stopped for a moment. He was an avid spider enthusiast and very fond of the mountain's substantial population of them. But not all of them were friends. Some were poisonous. Some were very poisonous. He approached her slowly so as not to startle the spider. Just one bite from the wrong species could have her dead in an hour. And Seba dead in an hour and one minute, because Mika would straight-up murder him with his bare hands if anything happened to Gracie on his watch. But he sighed in relief as he got closer - it was just a common (although abnormally large) tarantula. There was no danger to Gracie.

"Oh, my! What a magnificent creature!" Seba exclaimed as he knelt down in front of her.

"What he?" Grace breathed in awe as she looked down at her new friend. It occurred to Seba that she probably hadn't seen a tarantula this close before. They didn't often wander into the corridors, they just minded their own business at the base of the mountain. She liked to watch the smaller spiders that lurked higher up in the mountain, but they were so tiny compared to this one. Clearly she hadn't made the connection.

"This type of animal is called a tarantula." Seba explained. "It is a large kind of spider."

"He spider?!" Gracie gasped in disbelief.

"Yes, indeed. He is a spider."

"So soft!" Gracie laughed, gently stroking the arachnid's grey fuzz.

"He has a very impressive crop of hair." Seba agreed as he ran his finger across the arachnid's back. "He is quite lovely."

Gracie held the spider up to her face and planted a big kiss on its head.

"Lovely!" She repeated emphatically. "Name Lovely!"

"Wonderful choice. Very fitting." Seba replied seriously. "Dear, it is time to set Lovely down and get some supper now. Shall we go?"

Gracie's face fell, and Seba's heart sank.

"Lovely my pet!" She whimpered. "He sleep in my room!"

"I am very sorry." Said Seba cautiously. "Lovely is not a pet. He is a wild spider. He lives down here with his family - they are probably hiding nearby somewhere."

Grace started to sniffle, and Seba died inside a little more.

"But...you say...I find pet! And I found pet!"

Charna's Guts, Seba scolded himself. He really had walked into this one. After some coaxing and bribery, he had convinced Gracie to put the spider down and carry on their way. The bribery may have included a trip to Africa to ride elephants "when she got a little older" but he made sure not to give that promise a specific timeframe. So she begrudgingly held his hand and together they walked slowly up the corridor to the core of the mountain. When they got to the end, she just happened to look behind her - and the ensuing shriek almost jolted Seba out of his skin.

"LOVELY!"

Seba wheeled around and there was the tarantula, scurrying along determinedly behind them. The little bastard had followed them.

"Incredible." Seba whispered under his breath. Gracie had picked Lovely back up and was giving him an impossibly gentle hug.

"Lovely follow me! Lovely is pet!"

And she looked up at Seba with the most heart-wrenchingly determined expression. Seba decided not to be the one to shatter her happiness into a million pieces today.

"Well, Grace. We shall consult your father. But first, come with me. We will go find a proper carrier for Lovely, to keep him safe."

It didn't take long. He found a small crate made of thin strips of wood that originally held vegetables. There was plenty of air flow for Lovely and it was light enough for Gracie to carry with ease. The two of them (well, Lovely makes three) strutted into the Hall of Khledon Lurt at peak dinner hour. But they immediately spotted Mika seated in his usual corner with Arrow and a few Generals. Arrow had just returned from a trip, so the atmosphere was rather festive.

"Hey, Princess!" Mika greeted Gracie as she drew even with him. "Did you have a fun night with Seba?"

"Yeah! Fun!"

"That's great! What did you do?"

"Pet the cows, and the pigs, and the chickens!"

"Wow, you were busy!"

"Threw straw at the pigs!"

"Lucky you!" Said Mika with legitimate enthusiasm. It really was astonishing how much he changed when she was around. Then he glanced up at Seba and smiled ruefully. "Seriously, thanks Seba. There's no way I would've wanted her in the room for today's trial. It was ugly." Mika grimaced. "He lived, though!"

"Do not thank me yet." Seba answered ominously.

"What does that m-"

"Daddy, meet Lovely!" Grace demanded, throwing the crate lid open and withdrawing the tarantula with a flourish.

Mika only had one coherent thought upon seeing his precious baby girl holding the biggest spider to ever walk the earth. And that thought was well, she's his kid now. Then he passed out.

"Oh... dear." Seba looked down in alarm. Having been present for Mika'a final trial, he knew Mika loathed the creatures. But this reaction was a little more intense than he'd expected. Arrow almost fell over too, but only because he was laughing so hard at the scene in front of him. He revived Mika within seconds and helped him to his feet - while still guffawing uproariously. Mika swatted him upside the head.

"Gracie, where the hell did you find that thing?" Mika moaned, looking at the ceiling to avoid seeing the tarantula.

"He found me! He my pet!"

"Honey… no. I'm so sorry, but no. Tarantulas aren't pets. He's going to have to go back and live with his friends." Mika declared in a tone of very forced calm. "Seba, take it away. Please."

"As you wish, Sire." Said Seba, gently scooping Lovely up and depositing him back in the case. As he walked away, Gracie's sobs of despair followed him, as though the very world was crumbling to pieces around her.

"Oh, fuck." He heard Mika mumble, a little frantically and a lot guiltily. "It's okay, Gracie. Here, have a cookie. Have two cookies. Please don't cry."

Seba counted his steps as he solemnly walked away, one… two… three… four… five…

"Lovely! Lovely, no! Come back!"

"We can find you a different pet! How about a pony?" Mika added. Clearly his world-class negotiation skills weren't firing on all cylinders that night because Seba had no idea how that was going to be logistically feasible. But it wasn't his problem.

"No pony! Want Lovely!"

Six…. seven… eight… nine…

"Seba, wait." Mika called weakly. There was a pause, and he croaked out in the most defeated tone Seba had ever heard. "Um... bring it back, please. Bring Lovely back."

Seba stopped in his tracks and smiled. He figured he'd at least make it to the door before Mika caved.

Lovely: 1

Mika: 0

So Gracie and Lovely were reunited. Mika's face remained a sickly shade of green through the whole ordeal, but he put up a brave front.

"I'll need you to build a permanent spider cage, or whatever it takes to keep that thing from crawling into my coffin. Maximum security. Literally as many locks as you can fit on it."

So Gracie and Seba spent two hours building a proper wooden crate for Lovely, in the corner of her room.

"This your house, Lovely!" Gracie chirped affectionately when she could finally pluck him out of his carrying crate and set him down in his straw-filled mansion. Seba had left him a little plate of grubs as a housewarming gift. Because as if Lovely existing in Mika's living space wasn't horrifying enough, his diet was mainly grubs - which were almost as gross as Lovely himself.

Gracie and Seba sat together and watched Lovely nibble on the wriggling delicacy. Mika watched apprehensively from the doorway, knowing he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. Or the night after. And he knew when he eventually managed to drift off, he'd see the loathsome creature in his nightmares.

He was absolutely right about that.

After a fitful sleep haunted by spider dreams, Mika was awoken by the sound of light tapping on his coffin lid, accompanied by Gracie's soft voice warbling, "Wake up, Daddy!".

Mika normally didn't close his coffin lid at all. But even though Lovely's enclosure looked secure, Mika couldn't fully relax until there was a layer of thick mahogany separating him from the rest of the world. But Gracie's voice was the sweetest wakeup call he'd ever known, so he didn't hesitate to open the lid. He didn't think, either.

That was the story of how Mika accidentally kissed a tarantula on the lips (well, pincers), because Gracie wasted no time shoving Lovely directly into Mika's face while giggling, "Lovely do a kiss!"

Mika's instinctual reaction was to scream - so loudly that Gracie jumped in alarm and dropped Lovely directly into the coffin. Mika then made such haste to escape the coffin he almost smashed through the side of it. (Not to mention the lid came crashing back down and just about split his head open). When he finally freed himself from the coffin he was still partially tangled in blankets, and unfortunately so was Lovely. So when Mika whipped the blanket in blind panic, Lovely was yeeted clean across the room.

By the time Arrow heard the commotion and ambled in to perform a wellness check, Mika was sitting up on his desk looking catatonic. Gracie was in the far corner consoling Lovely, stroking the creature's hairy back and cooing, "It okay, Lovely. No be scare." while shooting disapproving looks over her shoulder at Mika. Because Lovely was the victim in this situation.

Mika swore on his life, on his throne, on the Stone of Blood, and on the grave of every Vampire Prince who came before him that he heard Lovely clicking his pincers in malicious laughter as Gracie carried him back to her room. And if he had a middle leg, he surely would've been flipping Mika off with it.

That was also the day Mika gave Gracie her very first executive order: "Please never do that again.

Lovely: 2

Mika: -47

The weeks rolled on and through no short amount of meditation, Mika trained himself to forget Lovely existed. Except when he had to go into Gracie's room to wake her up. Or put her to bed. Or manage her laundry. Or so much as glance at her door. So the reality was that Lovely lived rent-free in Mika's suite and his head.

He hated that fucking spider. Hated the way it scuttled around, hated the way it gnashed its pincers while it devoured its grubs, hated the way the sound gave him literal flashbacks to the worst thing that ever happened to him (at that point). And he definitely hated Gracie's attempts to instigate mandatory team bonding sessions between Mika and his tiny nemesis.

But unfortunately, as much as Mika hated Lovely, he loved Gracie way more. And having a pet seemed to provide a distraction from missing Kurda. Not to mention Mika was wracked by nonstop guilt over how many meetings she had to sit through with him, quietly amusing herself in the corner behind the thrones. But now she had Lovely (or Loathsome, as Mika designated him) for companionship. So Mika pretty much had no choice but to grant him full diplomatic immunity.

ONE MONTH LATER:

"Gracie, if I have to wear real pants to work, then so do you. Put your clothes on, please and thanks." Mika called through the doorway that separated her room and his. Ten minutes ago he'd asked her to change out of her pyjamas before they headed up to the Hall of Princes.

"Daddy, come look!" Came Gracie's soft warble in response. So Mika did as he was told. He figured she was coordinating her outfit and wanted him to cast a tiebreaker vote between two equally beloved shirts. That happened a lot.

We already know Mika's impatient, businesslike demeanour is completely powerless against Gracie. It's her mountain, he just lives in it. But he was running late and she was focused on trying to explore the gap beneath her dresser. And very much still wearing her pyjamas. So as politely as he could, he tried to hurry her on her way.

"We need to run on my schedule today, Princess." He told her. "So if you can get dressed in one minute or less, you can have cookies for breakfast. It'll be our little secret from your other dad."

When he received no response, Mika approached to see what the hold-up was. Normally Gracie was very eager to pick out her daily outfits, and even more eager to accept a bribe. But it seemed fashion wasn't on her radar today. More concerningly, neither were cookies. Still sitting on the floor in front of the dresser, she looked up at Mika as knelt beside her. Her little face was unexpectedly forlorn.

"Daddy, look!" She ordered him urgently, pointing at the dark space under the dresser.

"Did you lose a toy under there again?" Mika sighed. "You know, it gets harder and harder to sympathize when this happens daily."

"He stuck!"

"Who's stuck this time?" Said Mika as he calmly peered beneath the dresser. His sharp vampiric eyes instantly picked up the dark shape that was the focus of Gracie's attention. He was lucky he looked before he reached because of course it wasn't a toy, but the fucking tarantula.

Upon that realization Mika swore loudly and jolted upwards so quickly he smoked his head on the top drawer which had been left open - just to add injury to insult.

"OW! Fuck - I mean, shit! I mean… damn it. Gracie, you're supposed to warn me when Lovely's free range. It's your one job!" Mika groaned as he rubbed the area on the top of his head that suddenly ached. Keep in mind this is the second head injury Lovely has indirectly caused him in as many months.

"Daddy, save him! He stuck!"

"He's not stuck. He just likes the dark. If he got himself in there, he can get himself out." Mika replied, retreating from the dresser and regaining his composure while stars flickered on the edges of his vision. "Lure him out with a grub so you can put him back in his house. We have to get going."

"Lovely don't want grub!" Gracie insisted, opening her palm to reveal the handful of nasty little things she'd been trying to bribe him with. That was the first red flag. Typically Lovely would do just about anything for a snack bribe - he had that in common with Gracie. Something was definitely off.

Mika braced himself, and took another look at the massive spider. Sure enough, Lovely looked rather dejected. His legs were folded up beneath him and he seemed to be lying on the floor. He reminded Mika of a sick or injured cat who'd retreated from the world to go die in peace. You'd think that would be a welcome sight for Mika. But you also have to factor in the aforementioned diplomatic immunity.

Luckily, there was a specialist on staff.

MVL: Hey, Seba. If a tarantula was sick, how would it present symptoms?

SN: Decrease in movement and appetite. Any noticeable change in behaviour, really. Trouble in paradise?

MVL: Loathsome won't come out from under the dresser.

SN: Perhaps he heard you call him Loathsome. They are very intelligent creatures.

MVL: I think there's something wrong with him. He's all curled up. Won't eat grubs. Gracie can't reach him.

SN: Odd indeed. He is not an old spider, so he is likely ill.

MVL: Is that… fixable?

SN: If I could see him, I may be able to diagnose an issue and treat it. But that would require extracting him from his hiding place.

MVL: Are you doing anything important right now?

SN: Currently I am taking inventory of the building supplies required for our upcoming renovations. But if you require my immediate assistance, your wish is my command.

Mika gave that offer some serious consideration, but forced himself to do the proper thing.

MVL: Don't pause inventory on Loathsome's account. I'll bring the thing to your office. Meet me there when you're done.

SN: Of course. May you be triumphant.

Sliding his arm under the dresser took one thousand percent of Mika's sheer concentrated willpower. And the moment he made contact was the moment he knew would never love anyone or anything as much as Gracie. Because cupping his hand around that hairy little arachnid body was somehow even more horrifying than he imagined. His stomach churned as he felt the spider throb against his palm. He forced himself to breathe through the nausea as he gently withdrew the creature Gracie loved so inexplicably. Finally Lovely was clear of the dresser and Mika practically threw him into Gracie's hands. She gasped in relief and snuggled the little bastard against her chest like he was the world's ugliest puppy.

"You saved Lovely!"

Mika did not pause to celebrate with her. He stalked over to his desk so he could sit down, chug some water and one shot of whiskey, and pull himself back together. He was surprised when his skin didn't immediately break out in a full-body rash, because that's what it felt like on the inside.

Lovely: 82

Mika: -25272

So that was the story of how Mika was almost an hour late for his meetings that night. Seba diagnosed Lovely with some sort of infection, and "prescribed" liquid medication to be administered via dropper every few hours. But Gracie didn't have a steady enough hand for the job. Seba offered to keep Lovely for a few nights to stand in as a makeshift veterinarian, but that would've waylaid the actual work he'd been doing in the supply caverns. And Mika knew perfectly well that Lovely's health concerns did not trump legitimate Quartermaster stuff. So Mika did the right thing and said he'd take it from there.

He immediately regretted his decision.

"Okay, Gracie. Keep him still for me. He really doesn't want to take his medicine, so I have to stick it right in his mouth." Said Mika as he tried to line up the medicine dropper with the creature's mouth. Seba made this look so easy when he'd demonstrated it a few hours ago.

"Don't worry, Lovely. We care you." Said Gracie very seriously as she cradled Lovely's body in her tiny hands. When it was all said and done, Mika felt like maybe he'd gotten more medicine in Lovely's eyes than in his mouth. But he did it. It was awful, but he did it. And Gracie was staring up at him like he'd just saved the entire known universe from collapse. So that was worth something.

"Lovely better now?"

"Seba said it'd take a few nights for the medicine to work. So we have to be patient."

Gracie's face fell. Clearly that wasn't a satisfactory answer. Her lips began to tremble and Mika winced internally. He just didn't have time for a meltdown. And Mika himself was so strained and sleep-deprived that if Gracie lost her shit here and now, he probably wouldn't be too far behind. Just one more month til Kurda came home.

"I know you love him. And it would appear he loves you too." Mika added carefully. "But Lovely really isn't feeling good right now, and he's probably even more scared than you are. So he needs you to be brave for him, to help him get better. Can you do that?"

Thank the fucking vampire gods that line worked. Gracie took a deep breath and visibly steeled herself like she was about to go into battle. Then she looked back up at Mika, gave him a little nod and said,

"I be brave."

"That's my girl."

"Daddy brave too?"

"Depends on the day, honey."

So Lovely and Gracie camped out in the small meeting room behind the thrones, while Mika went about his business in the Hall of Princes. Between meetings he'd slip back into the meeting room to carefully feed Lovely three drops of medicine while Gracie gently told him everything would be okay. Of course, she was talking to Lovely.

Personally Mika felt Lovely was milking it a little, enjoying the attention too much. But it was touch and go for a while. So touch and go that Seba even suggested they prepare for the worst. Gracie cried nonstop for three hours and Mika physically felt his first grey hair start to grow. Maybe it was a coincidence, but Mika liked to think his brief but assertive pep talk with Lovely was what finally caused him to turn the corner and move away from the light.

Once Gracie was finally asleep, Mika shared some very strong words with Lovely after struggling through yet another round of dosing him up with medicine. Man to man, or whatever.

"Listen up, you ungrateful, hairy little asshole. If you go and die after everything I've done for you, I promise you your soul will never know peace. Get it together."

Lovely started perking up the following day, and after a few more rounds of medicine he was back to his old self. His appetite returned, evident by the way he gobbled up those awful grubs as though he was trying to make up for lost time.

So there you have it. All was well. Lovely was the picture of health. Gracie was overjoyed to have her best friend back. And Mika was ecstatic to put those memories behind him forever, taking immense comfort in the knowledge that he'd never have to touch the loathsome little creature again for the rest of his life.

Except for a week after that when Gracie "surprised" Mika by hiding Lovely in his hood, reminding him that no good deed goes unpunished.

Mika and Lovely are the embodiment of the "What are you doing in my house?" / "I want waffle fries" TikTok audio. If you know you know.

I love that one of Mika's very few canon personal touches is the fact that he has a strong aversion to spiders. For years I've headcanoned that to be a result of a Trial of Initiation gone bad. I'm really not kind to this man.