"Sorry, Severus," Lupin said. "I haven't seen her. I mean, it's been hard for her, she's probably just hiding out somewhere."
"Tell me she didn't tell you about-"
"Ron announced to the entirety of Gryffindor what Harry and Hermione were planning to do," Lupin reminded him. "It spread to the whole school pretty quickly that they intended to go after Sirius themselves."
"I suppose you're right," Severus sighed. "I don't know whether to be grateful that little idiot announced it or if I want to tear his head off for how he spoke to her."
Lupin smiled weakly and shook his head. "He was worried, Severus. He's a thirteen-year-old boy frightened his two best friends were going to get themselves killed. If my reaction was more immediate I don't think I would have had kind words for Harry, and I imagine you've said somethings to Hermione that you regret after she's done something risky."
Damn it, he's right. Severus's reaction wasn't great, and he did have the time to think about how he could talk to her. And unlike, Weasley, he didn't have the excuse of being thirteen. "So she hasn't spoken to you at all?"
Lupin shook his head. "Severus, the only times she's come to me was when she was actively trying to spy on me to confirm I was safe for Harry to be around. She's very much like you, you know."
I wanted her to be better...He shook his head. "I never had the martyr complex she does. Am I recalling wrong? Aren't children that age supposed to be selfish?"
"Self-involved and selfish are different, Severus," Lupin pointed out, walking along side him. "Where do you want to check first?"
"I was on my to the library," he admitted. "Should be closed, but that foolish girl has a nasty little habit of falling asleep in the library. Pince might not have checked before she locked up and left.'
"We'll cover more ground if we separate," Lupin suggested with a smile. "I'm sure she's fine."
"And if she weren't friends with your boy I'd be certain she was," Severus said. "I'll take the west end, you take the east? If you don't find her check the mezzanine and I'll check the archives?"
Lupin nodded taking off.
Severus explored through the maze like stacks near the restricted section. If she wasn't there, he'd head downstairs to the archives, Hermione made herself a second home there. And if she were going after Black forbidden magics and retreading the old copies of newspapers were likely her next move.
Expendable? Severus thought entering the restricted section. She may have been right when she said Potter was too valuable. Even if she doesn't know the half of it, but I'd surrender the boy in an instant to save her. She's anything but expendable.
But my son is? Lily's voice seethed in his head. Is my death so meaningless to you? Though sacrificing him for the sake of someone you love is par for the course with you, isn't it, Sev?
Severus shook the voice out of his head. He'd never forgive himself for giving Voldemort the prophecy. For bargaining for Lily's life while conspiring to take away her family. He still thought at the time he could make her love him with time, after being the cause of losing her child. Now, he knew if someone spared him but killed his baby, he'd be anything but grateful. He was the reason for Lily's death. All because he turned to Voldemort after she abandoned him. He was selfish in his love for her, and he could only make it right by Lily by protecting her son.
But yes, your son or my daughter, Hermione wins out every time.
Even though she'll leave you too?
Yes.
Severus was deep in the Restricted Section when he heard Lupin call out.
"I've found her, Severus!"
My baby!
Severus ran in the direction of the voice wondering what state he found the girl in. Heart racing and head pounding he ran through the maze of bookshelves until he found the two of them sitting together on a table. Lupin seemed to be trying to comfort the nervous Hermione who was-
Is this going to be a tradition?!
"Hermione?!" Lupin's voice called out.
It's show time, Hermione stretched and re-furled herself into a little ball on the top of the table. She'd pretend to be asleep and let herself be found. She wondered who would find her, but was surprised it was Lupin. She figured he was busy with Harry. With the holidays properly started, the two had more time to practice Harry's patronus.
I wonder if he's a head of me, Hermione wondered, knowing that she started in summer and could barely conjure wisps. But Harry, had a knack for learning spells quickly. Further evidence the "brightest witch of her age" nonsense is sorely misplaced. Focus, you stupid piece of shit!
"H-Hermione?" Lupin asked in an uncertain small voice.
Hermione opened her eyes and scanned the room before recoiling. "P-professor?"
"Good, you remember me," Lupin smiled sitting next to her. "Do you remember anything else, Hermione?"
Hermione shook her head. "Just studying. I'm really nervous about the OWLs an-" she sniffed the air before twitching her ears, feeling the little triangles with her clawed hands. She then moved to grab her bushy tawny tail. "No!" Hermione squeaked burying her face in her knees and coiling her tail around her. "Don't look at me!"
"It's okay, Hermione," Lupin said softly. "You don't remember anything?"
Hermione shook her head and gave a dramatic sniff. "Just waking up. I'm a freak!"
"Oh, come on, Hermione," Lupin said. "It's me you're talking to. I'm not going to judge you for being transfigured against your will. At least you didn't lose your mind with it."
Hermione nodded.
"You're father's going to be so relieved you're alright," he said. "I've found her, Severus!"
"What?!" Hermione squeaked, her cat body language now cooperating with the act that she was actually stressed. "He can't see me like this!"
She hadn't-her father read her too well. She was prepared for it eventually, but it was too immediate, he'd be too attentive. And last time she was like this he could read her even easier than usual. Her heart raced as she heard his footsteps approaching them. Would he use legillimancy on her again to figure out what happened? How could she have scripted what she'd do and say upon being found. She had all of it figured out, she even scripted what she'd say when she was brought to him. How could she not account for this?
Hermione buried her face in her hands and pretended to sob.
"It's okay, Hermione," Lupin said rubbing her back.
"Hermione?" her father said, sitting on her other side and wrapping his arms around her, stroking her hair. "It's alright," he sighed.
I didn't expect that either, Hermione thought feeling rather guilty for the feigned tears.
"Do you remember what happened?" her father asked.
Hermione shook her head. How are you behaving like this now when my survival with Black was treated with-no, you eventually did this then too. What changed? Why? Is it because...
That was it. For all his words, all of his blustering, Hermione seemed to figure out what made him stop his relentless prodding. Severus Snape had made all sorts of children cry in his years as the most hated professor, but it seemed he couldn't stand Hermione's tears. She wasn't sure if she should be relieved for it or feel even more guilty for manipulating her father.
"Did she say anything to you?" her father asked.
"She was asleep when I found her," Lupin said.
"I see," he sighed before switching to French. "This happened before, Hermione. I don't seem to recall you being so distraught the first time."
Shit!
"Did something else happen?" he asked.
"Just tired," Hermione replied in French not lifting her head. Ron's right, you are a bitch. "This keeps happening," Hermione scoffed. "At this point I should change my name to Tabby or Kitty and live in the forest."
"Or we could be more careful about where we fall asleep, yes?" her father asked lifting her face.
"I wasn't asleep last time," Hermione reminded him, guilt receding a bit. "I was walking down a corridor in broad daylight."
"That is true," he sighed patting her head. "Still, I'd rather you practice caution. Especially given the circumstances."
"Yes, sir," she nodded.
"Good," he said kissing her forehead. "You know, love, I-" he looked over Hermione's head.
"Oh," Lupin took to his feet. "You two are having a moment. I'm gone."
Despite herself, Hermione covered her mouth and giggled.
"Please don't change your name to something so generic," her father teased, ruffling her hair.
"Ears, Dad," Hermione reminded him. "They're kind of sensitive."
"Sorry about that, love," he brushed his hand over the top of her head. "I'm relieved this is all it is. I thought-" he shook his head. "You have no idea who did this to you?"
Hermione stared down at her clawed hands, examining them. "No, sir."
"I see," he said, his tone suggesting he didn't quite believe her. "Whoever it is, they don't deserve your protection. I'd hate for this to become a yearly affair. It took Madam Pomfrey months to undo it all last year. Though I imagine the healers at St Mungos will make quicker work of this condition."
"I hate hospitals," Hermione muttered, switching back to English.
"I know, love," he said.
"When will you be back?" Dumbledore asked.
"I don't know," Severus said. "I figure both you and Lupin are looking out for Potter, and if she's not discharged by the beginning of term, I'll come back and visit her on the weekends."
"Why, Severus," Dumbledore chuckled running his hand through his beard. "Are you suggesting you trust Remus?"
Severus sighed, folding his arms over his chest. "Not in the slightest. That man is most certainly hiding something from us, but I've seen enough to know that he could never harm the boy."
"You're convinced he's hiding something because...?"
"He evades difficult questions, rarely allows himself to make eye contact and if he can find a way to turn the conversation away from Black he will," Severus said, throwing a bag over his shoulder.
"Hermione engages in similar behaviour," Dumbledore reminded him. "As do you. Is it not possible the man is simply processing his grief over Sirius Black again? The best friend that betrayed their other best friend is out for his child. He'll have to confront those emotions again. I know you understand how grief impacts a person. Especially when one feels accompanying guilt."
Severus clenched his jaw and looked away. He knew it to be true, and Dumbledore knew all too well how it shut him down. Lily Evans, no Potter, never got to be the first female and muggleborn Potions Master of Hogwarts (though admittedly, given that they graduated in 1978, one would think that would have happened long before their time), never got to see Athens, or research magical treatments on mental illnesses. She never got to watch her son grow up. There was so much Lily would never do, and Severus was the reason for it. Something he would never forget.
"Just exercise caution, headmaster, please?" Severus sighed.
"You know I will," Dumbledore smiled with a familiar knowing twinkle in his eyes. "And you two as well."
"I always do," he nodded. "I'll write."
"See that you do," Dumbledore nodded in return. "Oh, and Severus?"
"Yes?"
"I know the circumstances are a bit odd, but perhaps take the time away to relax?"
With that madman on the loose and my daughter sporting cat ears? Not bloody likely. "Christmas holidays on the transfiguration and curses ward? I imagine it'll be great little holiday, indeed."
Dumbledore smirked. "You did say you wanted to take her somewhere one of these days."
"Not what I meant, headmaster."
"So we got Christmas pudding, mistletoe, fairy lights and now Hermione the Christmas Cat?" Ron teased.
"Ron!" Hermione swatted his hand away from her ear. "You can be mad at me or you can tease me. Choose wisely, Weasley."
Harry smirked looking up from the Wizard's Chess board.. "I'd listen, Ron. I think Snape's starting to affect her personality."
Hermione rolled her eyes, "I'm only letting that go because it's night Christmas."
"Well," Ron shrugged. "Hermione the Christmas Cat should be forgiving. 'Tis the season and all."
"I'm not Mari Lwyd, Ron," Hermione rolled her eyes again.
"I didn't accuse you of bringing luck," Ron said.
Before the blow-up Ron had signed on to stay during Christmas holidays. Harry, Ron and Hermione were due to be the only students in school for the holiday. At the time it seemed good, Ron would keep Harry from being too lonely, forgoing Christmas with the rest of his family. And Hermione wasn't going anywhere before she transfigured herself. Ron and Harry made uneasy amends at that point. They were more cordial with Hermione, (Harry more so when Ron wasn't around) but Ron still hadn't forgiven her. She strongly suspected he was simply trying to act normal because he felt bad for her.
"So, you'll be at a magical hospital?" Harry asked. "How long?"
"Saint Mungo's Hopital for Magical Maladies," Hermione sighed, scooping Crookshanks up in her arms. "I don't remember any of the times I had to go there when I was little, but I spent enough of the childhood I do remember in the Hospital Wing to know I'll hate it."
Crookshanks bunted his giant head against her cheek and started purring and kneading her shoulder. The giant ginger cat would have been a great comfort even if Hermione couldn't communicate with him. Crookshanks always picked up on Hermione's emotional state, and knew how to soothe her. It was a rare talent he and Luna alone shared, where Hermione was so high-strung. Though Hermione got a sense that Crookshanks liked her better as a half-cat.
"Will you two take care of him?" she asked.
Crookshanks pulled his head back and stared at her with wide yellow eyes. I can't come with you?
"I'm sure he can take care of himself," Ron grumbled. "Let the little murderer catch his own-"
"Of course we will," Harry glared at Ron. "Do you know how long you'll be there? Last year it was months."
"I don't know," Hermione bit her lip.
Hermione needed to do something dire enough to land her in a hospital. She weighed her options, she didn't know if she poisoned herself if she'd be found in time. And her father had plenty of antidotes on hand. She considered consuming one of the samples of Phoenix Flu, but she would be too weak and clumsy to break into the hospital's files if she did that. And anything as minor as bleeding out, broken bones or mild head trauma could be handled by the professors. This was the only thing she could think of that met her purposes. She just hoped the healers and top resources at the hospital meant she would be fully human before the end of the holidays.
"Oh!" Harry clapped his hands. "Before you go, I have something for you."
"Harry," Hermione smiled. "I appreciate it, but you know I don't do Christmas gifts. I-erm-I didn't get you anything."
"It's not a big deal," Harry shrugged handing her a tiny unwrapped. "I picked it up when I got Ron's."
"Don't worry, Crookshanks, I still appreciate that squirrel," she sighed setting the cat down.
Liar, Crookshanks seemed to say as he wound himself around Harry's legs.
Hermione slowly opened the box to reveal a small crystal phial, casting tiny rainbows from the refracted sunlight as she held it up. It wasn't too big, but she could likely fit a dose of something small in it. Many recipes called use of crystal. She wondered if Harry thought of it because she was the Potions Master's daughter or because it was pretty and she was a girl. Though the bitter thought didn't stop her from feeling terribly guilty. She hadn't-she mentioned she didn't do gifts before-and now, Harry got her this crystal phial he probably couldn't afford.
"It's beautiful," Hermione remarked, placing it back in the box. "And probably too expensive. Thank you, Harry, but I can't accept this."
"Look at it this way," Harry now picked up a purring Crookshanks.
He really is familiar on some level to you, isn't he? Hermione remembered the sense of familiarity Crookshanks felt from Harry. And Pettigrew...Hermione would have to figure out his history where they couldn't communicate very complicated ideas to each other. It might be helpful.
"You're always nicking stuff from Snape's private stores to help us figure things out," Harry explained. "I reckon he's going to find out soon enough that you've been lying on inventory forms. This is one less thing you need to worry about."
"You have a point," Hermione admitted. "Thank you. I owe you."
"Just don't get caught next time you need a potion to solve a problem and I reckon we'll be even," Harry smiled.
"I'll make good use of this," she placed the box in her bulging bag. "I've got my homework, Archers of Artemis-which I'll get to you when I'm done Harry-copies of old articles from 1981-82. I'll let you know if I find anything."
"Ivy MacDonald and the Vane sisters cursed you before hopping on the train and you have no clue when you'll be better, but you're taking it as time to read old news paper articles?" Ron scoffed.
"I might as well," Hermione shrugged. "I don't plan on doing anything danger-wait, I never said who cursed me, Ron."
"Didn't need to," he scoffed. "It's not just you they've been hinting it at. Practically told the whole school they thought you deserved it."
"Also reckon it was them last time as well," Harry reminded her. "Unless it was someone else?"
Fuck! Hermione stared at her feet. "It doesn't matter, it's done. I wouldn't-you don't think my father thinks that too, do you?"
"I don't fancy being either of them when they come back," Ron said. "There's no way he doesn't know."
"Not when we can't have secret conversations that he always sneaks in on," Harry sighed in agreement. "You know Romilda Vane tried to get me under the mistletoe? After bragging about wanting to catify one of my best friends."
"Well, she's not as crafty as I thought," Hermione sighed. "I'd still be careful if I were you two."
"You too," Harry said.
"I will," she nodded. You don't know the half of it.
"Erm," Ron rose, his ears turning pink before very quickly hugging and releasing her. "Merry Christmas. Get better."
"Erm," Hermione bit her lip. "You too. Merry Christmas, Ron, Harry."
"Merry Christmas, Hermione," Harry said.
"I have to go, can't keep Dad waiting, " she triple checked her overstuffed bag. "I'll write."