Chapter 37: Warm Partings

"I'm sorry," Harry said awkwardly. "Lupin told me he was mistaken–"

"Maybe neither of you should have assumed he would have!" Hermione snapped.

Both Lupin and Harry just assumed her father told everyone about Lupin being a werewolf. And Harry and Ron's ire seemed to make it Hermione's fault he was leaving.

"Hermione," Harry insisted. "Snape hates Lupin. Loathes him. After Sirius got away, and he just went to the Slytherins in the morning. You can't blame Lupin for thinking he told."

"But I liked him, Harry. That would be enough to–"

"You also like us!" he gestured to Ron and himself. "And Neville. That'd never been enough to keep him from antagonising us."

"That's different than outing someone as a werewolf!" Hermione insisted.

"I doubt that git sees it that way."

"Ron!" Hermione cried.

Ron narrowed his blue eyes and loomed over her. "Spare me the whole 'he's your father' bit, won't you? Snape's never cared what you think!"

"He does, Ron. He just—" she shrank against the tree with a sigh. "Forget it. Harry was apologising and I shouldn't have snapped. Sorry."

"Well, I think she's right to be angry with you," Luna asserted.

"L-Luna," Hermione muttered.

Luna placed a protective arm around Hermione and she felt wrong about the younger girl feeling the need to defend her.

"I don't have many friends," Luna admitted as if she were simply stating the sky was blue. "But I'm pretty sure they don't treat each other the way you're treating Hermione. Even if Snape did tell everyone, it wouldn't be her fault. Don't you think she has enough people blaming her for what he does?"

Luna's unabashed and even tone somehow made it even more embarrassing to them. She had a talent for stating both the obvious and hard truths in the same manner. She didn't give a damn what people thought and Hermione admired that about her.

Hermione turned to Ron, worried how he might react. His ears burned pink, deepening to a red,but he looked down avoiding eye contact with both of them.

Harry was the first to speak. "I reckon you're right, Luna. Hermione, you've had to deal with Snape's rubbish since you were a baby and we shouldn't blame you for what he does. We're sorry."

Hermione clammed up. This wasn't the first time Harry apologised, and with her father she should have been used to hearing apologies. But never so soon after the initial hurt. From anyone.

"It's alright, Harry," she sighed. "I have an article to write. I should go."

"You can write it later," Luna laid back against the tree with a dream. "You two should sit with us. It's a beautiful day."

"Gee, Luna," Ron fidgetted. "We—erm—"

"We would love to," Harry elbowed Ron.

Hermione moved her stack of books and inched closer to Luna to make space in the shade. After an awkward exchange between Harry and Luna, Ron joined in the conversation. Hermione at first watched observed the lot of them talking, and soon laughing. Not the mean spirited laughter Ron often engaged in when Luna went into her stories, but amused laughter.

The conversation soon turned to what happened with Pettigrew. Harry, Ron and Hermione took turns explaining what happened in hushed tones. Luna sat listened transfixed with telegraphing her response with each turn of the events.

"I imagine that won't all be in the article," Luna laughed.

"I don't think so," Hermione shook her head. "I'm going to stick to the broad strokes. Pettigrew faked his death and lived under our noses. Sirius Black was innocent, escaped a fate worse than death and Pettigrew faces a trial. Do you think I could interview you, Ron?"

"You want me?" Ron's voice cracked and his ears turned pink at the tips.

"Of course," Hermione nodded. "You were the closest to him. You can talk about how he infiltrated your family and things of that sort. Sirius is a victim in all of this, but so are you. You let him sleep in your bed for Merlin's sake."

The pink at the tips of Ron's ears deepened to a scarlet and he averted his blue gaze. "Maybe you could leave that part out."

"As good as forgotten." Hermione said. "When can I interview you?"

"Now's good!" Ron announced eagerly.

"You don't want to interview him!" Fred said, appearing from seemingly nowhere with George and Lee at his side.

Hermione noticed Ginny behind them, hiding in the background once she saw Harry.

"You should interview us!" George insisted. "We have the goods on Pettigrew."

"Hi, Ginny!" Luna waved happily. "Sit with us!"

Ginny silently joined them, the usually talkative and brazen girl entering her careful 'in company of Harry Potter' behaviour. She gingerly placed herself between Ron and Hermione, inching closer to her. To make room Hermione shifted over nearly sitting in Luna's lap.

Luna didn't move.

Hermione chalked it up to her obliviousness of social cues and stayed silent.

"You got the goods on Pettigrew?" Ron scoffed. "He was your pet before he was mine, you great gits!"

"We simply thought he was the closest thing you'd have to a friend," Fred smirked.

"Couldn't bear to let you go seven years, friendless!" George added.

"You're such good brothers," Lee dramatically sniffed.

"Sod off," Ron groaned.

"Stop tormenting the poor boy!" Angelina descended upon George, leaning on his shoulder with a smile.

George flushed redder than Ron's ears and Angelina was soon joined by Alicia Spinnet, Katie Bell and to Hermione's surprise Deirdre, who wore a bright smile and a crown of pink peonies in her long strawberry blonde hair, and Skylar who joined the flowery aesthetic by plaiting peonies into their long black hair.

Both seemed different to her now. The willowy amber eyed Skylar beamed, brown skin shining with their smile. Last year O'Malley was the only person aside from Hermione and Luna they spoke to. And even that was rare. Now they were accepted, even if the Gryffindor Chasers seemed an odd fit, they were much happier.

That change was even more noticeable with Deirdre, who blushed a vibrant shade of pink through her freckles and beamed as she placed a peony behind Angelina's ear.

"Newt might get jealous," Luna observed with a smile.

"I doubt it," she shrugged. "We broke it off a while ago. They wanted to work on themselves. I don't think they were the one anyway. You know I'm not entirely sure I believe the whole 'one true love' thing."

Hermione thought about that for a moment, but Hiro's bright hazel eyes and easy smile clouded her mind. Maybe it wasn't a concept for everyone, but Hermione, despite errant attractions here and there, certainly believed it. Hiro was her person.

She had to pull herself from visions of Hiro as a husband and father to bring herself back into the moment.

"Do you think they'll change their name?" Neville asked.

Are you just popping into existence?

"He came while you were day-dreaming about Hiro," Luna whispered. "You always have that look on your face when you think about him."

Hermione's cheeks burned pinker than the peonies and was grateful Luna understood the need to whisper at that moment.

"Newt's pretty neutral, so I imagine they'll keep it," Deirdre smiled before waving her wand and muttering a silent incantation.

Bright crowns of flowers appeared on each of their heads to varying reactions. Harry and Ron almost immediately ripped theirs off while the twins insulted each other in good humour. Lee, Katie and Alicia awkwardly removed theirs with muttered thank yous. Neville fondly smiled up at his and adjusted it, while Angelina twitched a hand up before smirking at Deirdre.

Hermione turned to Luna, who paid little mind to the crown of sunflowers and moonflowers on her head and beamed at Hermione, her silver eyes gleaming as she adjusted Hermione's pulling hair away from her face. "You should do this more often, you're so pretty!"

Laughter rang out and Hermione was unsure which of them it was directed at. She bashfully drew her knees up to her chest and buried her burning face. "L-Luna!"

"What?" Luna blinked.

"It's fine, Luna," Hermione muttered, plucking an accurate catnip blossom from her crown. "Your spellwork is amazing, Deirdre."

"Thanks!" she beamed.

The lot of them sat and laughed about an assortment of things, suddenly Lupin leaving and Pettigrew gave way to summer plans. Luna admitted her plans involved writing Hermione and little else, which brought a blush to her cheeks. Harry has nothing, the Weasleys all admitted it'd be a rather boring summer after last summer was a trip to Egypt.

"But you should visit, Harry," Ron said. "You too, Hermione."

"I'd move in if your mum'd let me," Harry joked.

"Hiro invited me to stay after Summer term," Hermione admitted.

"Oh," both Luna and Ron said. Ron groaned while Luna simply looked down playing with clover around her bare feet.

"Hermione," Luna whispered after the group engaged in Quidditch talk. "I wasn't teasing. I actually think you do look very pretty."

"R–really?" Hermione squeaked, fidgeting with her hair.

"I do," she beamed.

Lupin of all people came upon their congregation with a weak smile on his face. Hermione imagined it was some kind of nostalgia, perhaps remembering when he and Harry's father sat beneath the same tree with little but laughter in their minds.

"Hi, Professor Lupin," Harry said. "Is everything okay?"

"It very much is, Harry," Lupin nodded. "I was just hoping to steal Hermione."

Harry and Ron exchanged a confused glance before turning to her. She shrank against the tree until Luna gave her a smile and squeezed her hand.

Hermione nodded and followed Lupin inside.

"Did I do something, Professor?"

Hermione scanned the bare walls and shelves where once tanks of extraordinary creatures and books were kept. On his desk the picture frame that always faced inward left a vacant spot, and every trace of the man was gone from the room.

"No, Hermione," he said. "I just wanted to explain why I'm leaving. You already know I'm a werewolf, and after that night, I think you know how dangerous I am. I can't risk hurting any of you. And once parents find out, I'm done. No one will want a werewolf teaching their children."

"You're assuming it will get out. I know I can't be the only one that figured it out, but–erm–" Hermione clasped her hands wondering who else might put two and two together. "Rumours fly. I'm sure you heard the one where my dad was a vampire?"

Lupin chuckled and shook his head. "The problem is that if the wrong person finds out and rumours fly, they'll be true. And there's still the danger I pose to all of you. You're all better off with me gone."

"With all due respect, sir," Hermione dug her nails into her flesh. "That's a complete pile of shite and you know it! Harry's so much happier with you around. You're the closest thing he's ever had to a parent—at–erm—at least in his memory. Neville's never had so much encouragement, and my father—"

"Hermione," Lupin rested a hand on her shoulder. "Your father and I spoke already. He was initially upset, but I don't think he really wants me around."

"Oh, honestly!" Hermione rolled her eyes. "Dad wants you around. He won't dare say it, but I'm thirteen, not stupid. I see it. If you two could just talk to each other you might just see the same. He's still snarky and prone to—well—erm—he's still my dad, I guess. But he's been me."

"That's sweet, Hermione. But there's still the danger I pose. I could never forgive myself if something were to happen to you lot because of me."

Hermione steadied her breathing, stopping herself from yelling by drawing blood in the gaps between her fingers. She ventured eye contact with Lupin. "I'm sick of people using my safety to justify stupid decisions."

Lupin averted his gaze. "Sorry, Hermione."

"Do you know what Bipolar Disorder is?"

Lupin knit his eyebrows and turned his back to face her. "I do, it's a mental—-where are you going with this?"

"Well," Hermione inhaled sharply. Don't cry. "I might have it. Jury's out until I take more bloody tests. But—erm—there are things I have to do. Medication and potions might be an option if I'm diagnosed, but for now I'm supposed to be doing correspondence therapy. I'm not saying that I'm bound to hurt someone–erm–Merlin, I hope not. But in a manic episode I could very well say or do things I regret. That's why if I am, I have to take precautions."

"Hermione," Lupin bent to her eye level. "I'm sorry you have to face something like that, truly. But the damage you might do in a manic episode—and that's if you actually have the disorder—is nothing compared to what I could do if I turn."

"So you monitor it and make allowances for it like any other chronic condition!" Hermione spat. Calm the fuck down, you stupid little girl. She was not about to listen to her own advice. "You know what?" she scoffed. "Leave, stay. I don't care anymore. Just don't pretend you're making the decision for us. We want you here. You're just scared you'll slip again. I know what—" tears threatened to brim over. "Forget it. I have to go."

"Hermione," Lupin sighed. "Talk to me."

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm completely fine."

"Hermione?" Severus opened the door to see his daughter standing with her hands clasped.

He ushered the small girl into his office, noticing her face, rarely unobstructed, flushed at her cheeks and her eyes, turned down scanning the floor. She nervously wrung her hands before clasping them again. He saw red droplets form onto her chewed nails.

"What is it, love," he asked, waving his wand over her hands. "Are you hurt?"

"No, Dad," she shook her head with a weak smile. "I'm fine."

"Hermione."

"I'm completely fine," she insisted, broadening her forced smile.

"Of course, love," he placed a hand on the top of her head. "What's this? Aren't you a little old for that?"

"Oh this," Hermione laughed nervously, cheeks growing pinker as she ripped the crown of catnip flowers, sakura and tiger lilies from her head. "Deirdre made–erm—and Luna–erm–it doesn't matter. I wanted to talk to you about Professor Lupin."

"Did he say something to you?" I wanted you to talk to her, Remus, not upset her. "That man is terrible at explanations. If he said something stupid to make you think you were somehow at fault, you're not. He's just an idiot."

"Dad," she breathed. "I am totally fine."

"You're here with me on your friends' last day to talk about a former professor because you're 'totally fine'?" he raised an eyebrow and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear..

"I'm here because you need to talk to him."

"Hermione, I already spoke with him. He knows his secret is safe and he's determined to leave despite that. We're better off without him. You most certainly are. It was nothing less than moronic for me to entrust someone like him with your safety."

"Dad," Hermione lowered his hand from her cheek. "You know that's exactly what people might say about Professor Dumbledore...or me."

"And those people are idiots, love," he said. "But this has nothing to do with bigotted morons. Remus Lupin is a werewolf. His behaviour is out of his control. You saw what happened when he forgot his potion. He's not well."

Hermione looked up at him, her large brown eyes imploring him as she blinked. She didn't need to say it, but she did and his heart fell to his feet.

"If the counsellor at the hospital is right, neither am I."

"Hermione, love," he soothed her hair. "Of course that's not what I meant. I could never think you capable of hurting someone like that."

The image of Draco Malfoy floating in the air while Hermione taunted him came to mind. He wondered if that was the cruel misstep of a moody teenager or mania. Either way, killing someone, that she could never do.

She might not know that, he drew her to him wondering how long she compared her potential mental illness to werewolf transformations. Her time as a cat-human hybrid was what he assumed drew her sympathy, but now he knew it ran deeper than the temporary changes that altered her mind.

"Dad, I'm fine," she forced a smile again. "But you, it was nice seeing you—erm—I—" she sighed. "If you can honestly tell me you won't miss him, I will leave it alone."

"As you should," he said. "I don't need a thirteen-year-old giving me life advice. I promise you have enough to worry about for yourself."

Hermione averted her gaze and clasped her hands once more. Silence choked the room as she bit her lip pensively. Severus stood in silence wondering what his daughter might say. She was always so nervous to speak her mind and he couldn't pretend he didn't know why.

I should be more patient with you...I know. I'm trying, love...I just...I don't know…

"Talk to him, don't talk to him," she spoke barely above a whisper. "I just want you to be happy."

"I know, I know," he cupped her face in his hands. "I want your happiness as well."

"You deserve to have someone in your life, Dad," Hermione smiled up at him.

"And I have you."

"Dad."

"My precious little baby girl," he smirked after a silence and lifted her off the floor. "Even if you can't seem to behave."

"Dad!" Hermione giggled despite herself.

"It's the last day before the train leaves," Severus set her down. "Go, love, be with your friends."

"Okay," she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Just think about what I said. I love you."

"And I love you," he rested his hand on her head. "Now go before you miss the entire afternoon."

Hermione didn't need to be told a third time. She waved goodbye with a smile that finally touched her eyes and left with great speed.

"Oh, Hermione, don't forget your—"

But Hermione was gone and shredded pink and orange petals littered the cold stone floor.

You're going to regret this, Severus told himself. This is stupid and you know it.

"Oh, Severus," Remus paused in front of him. "I–erm–I was actually looking for you."

Severus didn't evade eye contact. "I was looking for you as well, if I'm to be honest. It would seem we have much to discuss."

Remus looked at Severus, the sunlight playing across his uncertain pale green eyes. He gave an awkward smile with his thin lips. "I'll follow you."

The two decided to go to Remus's empty office as it was closer. The walk there was agonising, and yet it only seemed to get worse when he stood face to face with him in private.

A torrent of emotions flooded his brain. Severus knew so many sides of Remus now, and still wanted him to be his friend. Yet he still harboured resentment for those years of torment. He even wanted...he didn't know what he wanted.

Remus smiled again, finally making eye contact with him.

Severus slowed his heart rate and remained stoic. Years of complete control came back to him with remarkable ease.

"Severus," Remus said. "I never wanted to hurt you. I just didn't know what to do. That night scared me. I don't know how I could have ever been so careless. I–erm–I wanted an excuse not to feel that again. But we've built something. I–erm–I don't know…"

With a sigh Remus approached dangerously close, his pale green eyes and thin lips hinting at a ghost of a gentle smile. He reached out, but Severus folded his arms over his chest. Remus took the hint.

"I'm sorry, Severus."

"Will you be staying?"

"I don't think that I can do that right now," Remus admitted, his shame palpable. "Maybe one day, but I don't think I'm ready. I did this too soon. Teaching kids. But I don't want to cut people out of my life either. I–erm–I want you in my life, Severus."

Severus choked. Nothing more than sincerity shone in his eyes and pale face, it seemed that Remus meant it. He actually wanted him around. But how was that going to work?

"You know I'm perhaps the most adept person you know at making the wolfsbane potion?" he uncrossed his arms.

"That you are, Severus," Remus smiled. "I just need to be sure of myself first. I need you to understand that."

"This is ridiculous!" Severus snapped. "Even after such a foolhardy, careless mistake on your part, which only happened once, mind you, and hiding Black from me, and...you betrayed any trust I had in you and some mad piece of mind still wants to. Yet you can't dredge up the same in yourself. That's pathetic."

"That's not fair," Remus sighed. "I'm trying here, Severus."

"Well, try harder."

Remus shrank under the weight of his shame. Severus knew he wasn't being fair. The man was trying. Severus knew what it was like to try and fall short at every turn. And Remus never fell as short. If he wasn't sure if he could manage well enough to teach full-time, it wasn't Severus's place to call him out on it.

"I'm sorry, Remus," he sighed. "Take all the time you need."

A smile broke across his face and tears pooled in his pale green eyes. "I have no clue what I'm doing. But thank you. I should go before the train leaves."

Remus walked past Severus looking over his shoulder, a smile still on his face. Something came over him, and he wasn't sure what, but he grabbed Remus's hand.

"I believe there won't be any students here over summer, and no one would expect you to teach full-time."

Remus turned back, his greying eyebrows knit once more. "Severus, I don't understand what you're—-"

"Stay till August. The least you could do after everything is teach me Japanese."

"Severus," Remus scoffed. "You're a smart man, I'm sure you can learn it yourself, or have Hermione teach you."

"That's not what I—" he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose before blurting. "Stay."

"Oh!" Remus's eyes widened and his mouth hung open. "I see what you–I–at least I think and–I–oh, fuck. Here goes nothing. Can we just skip to the part where you kiss me?"

Severus's stomach churned. Was this what he really wanted? For nearly thirteen years he'd been clinging to his love for a dead woman who never returned them. But here stood Remus. He actually wanted him, and despite himself, Severus wanted him too. Even after everything that transpired between them...he didn't know what he was doing either.

He awkwardly approached Remus fully aware that he hadn't kissed anyone since he was eighteen. And the disastrous two times he had detached relations with girls when they found, also when he was a teenager. He was so out of his depth.

He pushed the cruel laughter when the rumours turned out to be true and his hatred of his own body from his head. Remus knew and didn't care. He brushed his knuckles against his knuckles against his cheek, staring into his eyes. A smile stretched across his own lips as he spoke:

"I thought you'd never ask."

Severus tentatively brushed his lips against and his heartbeat quickened. Remus kissed him back with equal hesitancy. Remus's muscles untensed and he deepened the kiss. Severus responded with equal fervour. Suddenly he felt lighter and the anger, fear and resentment left him, if only for a moment.

"What do you say we make the most of the two months we have together?" Remus smirked, drawing him closer.

"I have a feeling this is going to be a great summer."