Tolli - Iceland

Adriaan - Netherlands

Gunner - Denmark

Luca - Luxembourg

...

You know, as much as I was so excited planning this, it was actually pretty hard to write. But tbh I could just be going into a general writing slump. Oh boy. This did get more fun as I got into it though, and to be honest it probably was just the fact that this chapter was so long.

Sorry for the dialogue though - my humour is still rather immature. Maybe one day I will grow up and develop a more refined sense of humour, but until then tits cock bum willy.

Screaming Pagans. They were the Screaming Pagans.

Tino had a vague idea of what to expect, and he'd been right. But he supposed this rather pathetic back room was all such an unknown band could afford at the moment. It had all he personally needed, though: a bar and raised seating area for when he needed to catch his breath; a dance floor that could be used for moshing; and his three closest friends. Well, his best friend and their two family members tagging along, not entirely of their own free will. The band hadn't started yet, so the friends were slouched at the bar, Tino observing the turnout as they waited to be served. There couldn't be more than fifty people here, but that was fine by him; he could make it a party even if it was just the four of them. All he needed was music and alcohol. Speaking of which…

"I'll have a vodka," he announced to the bartender, who nodded uncertainly.

"A shot?"

"Nah. Just bring me the bottle."

"You said you weren't getting smashed," Eduard grumbled.

Tino scoffed at that. "Please, it's just one." And at these stupid Swedish prices that was all it would be. "I'll share."

"Hey I think that's one of the band members," Tolli hissed at them. Vidar Jensen's little brother was the youngest of the group by a fair bit, a strange boy Tino could never quite figure out. Being alone with the kid usually involved them staring past each other as Tino fought the urge to ask him why he sounded like a Lazy Town character. They did have some things in common, Tino had noted throughout the years: a love of eyeliner, for one thing, an addiction to liquorice, for another.

"Is that one of your cousins?" asked Tino, following Tolli's gaze to find someone who looked like they could be related to the brothers. He was tall, with way more hair gel than was needed for a human being. His hair resembled a tulip, now that Tino thought of it, or a grenade if he unfocused his eyes.

"No that's the bass player." Vidar rolled his eyes, "honestly, Tino, have you forgotten my cousins already?"

"...No," Tino smiled innocently, "it's just been a while. They probably look different, right?"

Vidar smiled a knowing smile, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Well, you might be in for a surprise then," Tolli commented.

"I think they will be too," Vidar added, looking Tino up and down, "you certainly look the part."

"I try."

"Better than that granddad jumper I caught in your room," said Eduard, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.

"Oh, not the granddad jumper," Tolli groaned, "it's bad enough you act like a dad all the time."

"I do not," Tino grumbled, "I'm young and swaggy and know about the 'yolos' and 'memes'." For added embarrassment, he deliberately mispronounced 'memes' too. And, to no one's surprised, it had the desired effect on Tolli.

"Stop it," he cried, "you're a crusty old dad with no kids!"

"Well that's nice," Tino sighed, "and after all those times I bought beer for you when you were younger."

"I don't remember."

"Lightweight."

"Hey, I think the band's setting up." Eduard pointed towards the stage, where the bass player from before was tuning his instrument in front of a set of drums, now joined by an almost equally tall young man, electric guitar in hand and laughing loudly at something. He, too, seemed to be rather liberal in his hair gel usage. Or maybe his hobby was licking toasters. Who was Tino to judge?

The four made their way to one of the tables by the railing, slightly higher than the stage and dance floor, just off to the right where Tino could see the band clearly.

"Now that one's my cousin," said Vidar, "Gunner the guitarist."

Eduard blinked. "Well, he certainly got tall."

"And loud," Tolli added with a sigh.

"Ooh, and there's the drummer too," Tino grinned as a shorter and thinner man - with startling white hair - climbed on stage, followed by another boy. He was the only member of the group with remotely long hair, Tino noted. It covered half his face, as he found out when the boy sat behind his keyboard. So far, he was the least metal of the lot. He looked like a posh twink in a designer v-neck. Actually, he'd look perfect for dramatic Sonata Arctica covers.

"We'll be starting shortly," Gunner spoke into the mic, grinning apologetically.

Vidar raised his eyebrows. "Just need the lead singer."

"Is he any good?" Tino scanned the crowd for this mysterious singer, wondering just who they were. He hoped they had long hair, like a majestic viking, and knew how to do their own makeup. Well, he'd have to stare at them all night so he hoped they were easy on the eyes. Oh, and could actually sing metal. That would help. If they sounded like shit, then he was leaving. To heck with Vidar's nepotism.

The guy he eventually saw joining his fellow band members on stage didn't have long hair - rather, it was cropped really short -, but oh boy was he a beauty. Tino's jaw dropped shamelessly at the sight of those ripped muscles, visible under a "Screaming Pagans" t shirt and arms covered in beautiful tattoos; dozens of intricate pieces of art, detailing Norse mythology - the kind Tino could spend hours staring at and tracing his fingers over. He had a stormy glare and eyes that could drill into Tino's soul and dissect all they found, should they look upon him. Honestly, the guy was so big and muscly he could probably subdue an orc to make it his bitch. And those leather trousers - holy shit! It was the most gorgeous sight imaginable, but at the same time Tino did find the whole thing unfair: when he wore leather trousers he looked like a Goddamn couch. And yes, Berwald's eyeliner was perfect too. It wouldn't be perfect when Tino bust a fat, chunky nut all over his face. This man was just so beautiful, so handsome that Tino felt like a complete idiot for staring but at the same time, why wasn't everyone else? He was gorgeous, divine, like something made in a lab with Tino in mind.

"So that one's my other cousin, Ber-"

"I want him inside me right now."

"Tino!"

Vidar pulled a face. "Like I said, my other cousin Berwald. My family. Who I watched grow up."

"Berwald, huh?" Tino's chest heaved as Berwald drank from a water bottle and turned to listen to whatever Gunner was saying. Oh, how he'd love to be that bottle. "Fuck, he's so manly and beefy and strong and beefy and tall and bee-"

"We get it, Tino," Tolli sighed, "seriously, when was the last time you got laid?"

Tino shrugged. "I dunno, like six months. No, wait, eight. I dunno, the days blur together after a while."

Eduard nodded an understanding nod. "At least that explains, well-"

"Why I want to play with his band member?"

"Did you have to put it that way?" Vidar narrowed his eyes.

"Look, reckon you could get me his number?"

"We're hanging out with the band afterwards. Get it yourself, as long as you promise to not be creepy. If you make him feel uncomfortable in any way, I will shit on your Korpiklaani poster."

"Why would I ever?"

Vidar was spared the need to reply with the overwhelming blare of a familiar song, resonating through Tino's body in all its live glory.

So Tino considered himself something of a Finnish metal supremacist, but he was willing to admit there were bands from all over the world he loved too, and right up there in the great-but-not-as-good-as-Finnish-metal list was Sabaton. The fact that they'd made a few songs on Finnish history had quickly warmed him to them, but the songs about Sweden (and other places) were also incredibly well done. Quite fittingly, Berwald was stepping up to the mic to sing "Lejonet Från Norden", and when he opened his mouth Tino was blown away.

His voice was deep, like honey, with a gravely quality reminiscent of honeycomb that seemed to vibrate off Tino's heart. It was like a large hand over his chest and lips against his ear. It soothed him, with it's heavy Swedish accent that stuck when the guy sang. He really was a Lion of the North. When he voiced these thoughts to his friends, Vidar gave the longest sigh possible.

"Are you hungry or horny?" asked Eduard nervously.

"Either way, stay away from my fridge," added Tolli.

"Shut up I'm listening to the music," he chirped, leaning forward to rest his chin on a hand. Sometimes Berwald's words didn't come out so clear, nervously garbled, but he could still hold a note, still keep him enthralled with that powerful, deep voice. He wanted to knit that voice into a blanket and fall asleep by a fire.

All too soon, the song ended and he fell back, looking a little awkward at the applause and cheers he was getting, the loudest being from Tino, rocking dangerously in his chair. It was then that the guitarist stepped forward, wiping his forehead and laughing.

"Good evening everyone," he boomed, "I hope to fuck you're ready to have a good time tonight." More cheering. Tino took another swig of vodka. "My name is Gunner Axel Densen and we're the Screaming Pagans!" He laughed at the noise that followed, "my main man Berwald and I will be singing for you, and these fuckers will be playing on some not-so-important instruments, you know how this works by now." The drummer threw one of his sticks at the back of Gunner's head, and he just shrugged as he passed it back. "Okay, okay, drummer guy is Gilbert," he said, "bass is Adriaan and keyboard is Luca. And we will all be taking care of you sad sacks tonight."

Tino gave a cheer, and nearly fell out of his seat. Thankfully, his skilled hand didn't spill a drop of vodka. When he had kids he'd have to teach them the ancient, sacred art of falling over and not spilling their drink, or he would have to disown them. Not really though.

"Now, I know you're not here to listen to me talk," Gunner continued, "so we'll just get on with things. Hope you don't mind a bit of Judas Priest."

So they were a cover band, then, it seemed. Not that Tino particularly minded, but he was curious to see if they had any original material too. Though, to be honest, Berwald could sing his own shopping list and Tino would listen, completely enthralled.

It was Gunner that started then, both hands on the mic and shrieking to a silent room.

"Twisting the strangle grip won't give no mercy; feeling those tendons rip, torn up and mean-"

The music joined him with a blast, Berwald stepping up to join in, much to Tino's relief.

"Twisting the strangle grip won't give no mercy," whatever he sang, it was beautiful, it seemed. The sheer power behind Berwald's voice was stunning, a force that dropped Tino's stomach and cleansed his ears and soul. He knew he was loud and completely out of tune when he sang, but when Tino joined in the chorus, he imagined it was just them, singing to each other in a slightly sloppy but beautiful duet. He might've even reached out a hand, and Vidar might've cackled at that.

"All guns, all guns blazing!"

It was over too soon for Tino's liking yet again, but his craving for Berwald's voice was satisfied again and again with striking renditions of Månegarm and Fejd, the folk metal letting his lilt come through. It seemed to be the Screaming Pagan's personal favourite genre. It also turned out that the Screaming Pagans had a few songs of their own, and pretty good ones too. Tino had only a passing interest in Norse mythology - if it wasn't sung about he didn't care - and oh boy was he interested in anything Berwald had to say. He even found himself swaying and singing along to the choruses.

"I'll fight to the end, Ragnarök won't bring me down..."

When the song ended Tino got up to go to the bar again, to order a water for the table. As he waited, he noticed that there was only one person dancing so far, a young woman dancing like a middle-aged mum at a birthday party, clapping proudly after each song, much to the obvious embarrassment of the bass and keyboard players. Tino laughed at the sight though, hoping to join her when he was a little more confident. And drunk. When he threw himself back down in his chair, Gunner said something that certainly caught the attention of one member of their group: "our next song is all the way from Estonia! It's actually an old folk song we've put our own spin to, and by that I mean we sing it a bit louder." A chuckle rippled through the audience at that. Tino set down the water, wrinkling his nose at how sticky the table had gotten.

"Please," Eduard whispered, fingers crossed, "please be..."

"It's a lovely story, really," Gunner continued, "about love. A beautiful love." Someone standing at the edge of the dance floor called him a sappy cunt.

"I know, I know," he laughed, "but I hope you'll like this song as much as you do-"

"Come on," muttered Eduard.

"Koit ja Hämarik!"

In a rare display, Eduard jumped from his seat to cheer and whoop as the music began, and Tino clapped along. He noticed how his cousin seemed jumpy, like he was desperate to get up and dance, but when he took Eduard's hand he just shook his head. He sang along though, under his breath, not even caring that Estonian was clearly a language Berwald wasn't competent in.

But when the next song came on there was no way Tino was sitting around any longer.

"Rise of nations pride-"

"TALVISOTA!" He screamed, throwing his arms in the air and jumping to his feet. Okay, time to mosh! "Right, everyone down to the dance floor; let's fucking party!"

Eduard groaned. "Ti, I don't-"

"Shuddup, I need you. If my jiggly moobs can handle the pit, so can you." With one hand, Tino clutched a plastic cup, half-filled with his vodka, and with the other he grabbed Eduard's sleeve, guiding him down to the dance floor as the Jensen brothers followed. Tino let go of Eduard the moment he was in the pit, dancing with the woman from earlier, all too happy to mosh with him, even if her elbows tended to stay at his eyes-level. To her credit, she just embraced the company. Whilst Eduard pogo'd awkwardly off to one side, Tino and Vidar body-slammed each other repeatedly like demented penguins as Tino's drunken warble joined Berwald and Gunner's significantly more professional singing. Thankfully, more people soon took the opportunity to join them in the pit, so they looked less ridiculous.

"With molotov cocktail in hand, no fear of their tanks," he took a swig of vodka and jumped in the air, "death or glory!"

The only time Tino stopped dancing was to help Tolli and the strange lady up when they fell; apart from that he was going full force. And when the song ended, he didn't get a break because the next one was only 'White death' followed by 'Soldier of three armies'! He was having the time of his life dancing and thrashing and at times looking and feeling like he was about to have a heart attack.

But just when he thought he could catch his breath - there weren't any other Sabaton songs about Finland, surely - no, Gunner just jumped straight into Lordi, of all things. Fucking Lordi! His all time favourite band!

He tried to catch Berwald's eye during his drunken rendition of 'Night of the Loving Dead' - even though the band was actually playing 'Raise Hell in Heaven' - but was a little too busy flailing all over the place to actually lock on. When the song finished, his nose might have been bleeding but he didn't particularly care.

"Okay, motherfuckers," Gunner announced proudly, "we're gonna have a little interval now, so we'll round off the first half with a song dedicated to the happy little boozer down front." He caught Tino's eye and winked, and Tino almost burst a blood vessel cheering. "But before that, I want you lot down the front to split into two teams," he continued with a boom, "who says you can't make a wall of death with only twenty people?"

It was, honestly, impressive how Eduard was able to de-materialize the way he did, like he had quite literally disappeared in the blink of an eye, but that was his business, and Tino for one was looking forward to the wall of death enough for the both of them.

"Fucking part that shit already!" Gunner was on one knee now, gesturing with a hand for everyone to move. Tino found himself at the front of the crowd, right next to the dancing woman and across the pit from Vidar. Oh, this was on now. "Hold it! Don't anyone move, or I'll kill the lotta you!"

Tino hopped from foot to foot, breathing heavy and almost drowning in his own sweat. His face must have been bright red at this point, and his hair plastered itself to his forehead and cheeks like a clingy, itchy jumper, but he was more than ready.

"Go!"

With a scream, he ran full force at Vidar, and the two collided in an almost skull-shattering crash.

Okay, Tino's nose was definitely bleeding now, and a tooth may have come loose. The look was completed rather nicely with a black eye, all courtesy of Vidar's solid cranium. He'd managed to stumble through the last song of the first half, waving his empty bottle like the happy little boozer he was, before the music stopped and the dancers dispersed, and Tino was able to help Eduard find out which corner of the hall his glasses had been flung to.

Glasses safely retrieved, and found to be in one piece, the cousins had returned to their table, where Tino was currently watching Vidar and Tolli talk to their own cousins at the bar, Gunner laughing the loudest as he ruffled Tolli's hair. Berwald was there too, saying nothing but staring at his family warmly. Tino longed to go over there and say 'hi', nothing too risky. Should be simple. He could go right now if he wanted to. He could walk over there and introduce himself. He could stop stalling and overthinking things.

"You gonna talk to him, then?"

Tino jumped slightly, sucking the head of his empty bottle and mumbling into the glass. "Maybe."

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

"I make a twat of myself?" He was drunk enough that that was a certainty, but not drunk enough to be beyond caring. And maybe he did actually want to make a good - proper - first impression. And Berwald probably hated him. His intimidating glare said so.

Tino wasn't quite sure he could take that chance.

"Look, we'll all probably be hanging around after the show," Eduard tried, "maybe you can talk then. And if you fail, you can just get out of there, no big deal."

Tino gave a half-hearted laughed at that. "Thanks. Yeah, sure. I'll give it a try."

The second half was a more subdued affair for Tino, largely because he didn't go back in the mosh pit, instead opting to slouch at his table, nursing a cup of water and his trembling nerves. Berwald was probably a very serious man and would look down - metaphorically, this time - at him for being so silly and a bit of a mess. What if Vidar had told him all the things Tino had been saying? What if he was creeped out?

But on the other hand, what if he was interested?

...In what universe would he be?

"Our next song," Gunner was saying, and Tino tried to snap out of his slump to pay attention. "Our next song was written by this fanny here," he cuffed the back of Berwald's head affectionately, "so go easy on him or he'll cry." Tino perked up at that slightly. A song Berwald himself wrote?

"This one," Gunner fished a collection of Viking helmets from behind the drums, and the good authentic shit too, Tino noted at the lack of horns, "is called "The Maiden"."

Oh. Tino slumped back in his seat. A song about a girl? Strange, Vidar had let slip that Berwald was only interested in men, so why-? Was the song a beard? Was Vidar messing with him? And, to think, all he wanted was a relaxing night out.

Berwald looked handsome in his helmet, stepping forward as the musical tone took on a folky atmosphere. "O' the maiden she lives in my heart."

"In my heart!" Bellowed the other four.

"In my soul though we are far apart."

"Far apart!" Gunner took Berwald by the elbow, the pair dancing in a sloppy circle.

"My one love from the very start."

"Very start!"

"A radiance pure, fine art."

"Fine art!"

Tino didn't mind a bit of neofolk too, and such a huge, intimidating man dancing about, singing a love song he wrote himself was certainly a sight to tug on the heartstrings. It was such an endearing scene, if a bit cheesy.

"My maiden she shines so bright."

"So bright!"

"Eyes sparkling, glistening twilight."

"Twilight!"

"Hair of wheat, feather light."

"Blowing light!"

"Skirt in the wind takes flight."

"Flitting sprite!"

"I'd be his fair maiden any day," Tino joked, back to his usual self, just for now at least. And fuck it, he could actually see him and Berwald, hand in hand, frolicking through a meadow in some old-ass Viking clothing. Maybe they could be on their way to fight dragons.

"You? A fair maiden?" Vidar smirked at that.

"What?" Tino sniffed, "I could be."

"Right, sure."

He could be a maiden if he wanted to. It wasn't high on his list of things to be, but he could if he tried. Really, really hard.

"Maiden pure, our love endure, my life would give, to keep you safe..."

I need a man like that, Tino thought to himself, for once glad he'd not said it aloud.

"You'll never see, I long fer you; oh how I wish, you loved me too."

Tbh Denmark's high-pitched dub voice would be perfect for Judas Priest covers. To be completely honest, I slightly prefer Sabaton's cover of 'all guns blazing' because every time the word 'all' is said in the JP version it sounds like a dude bust a nut but it was really painful. I've ruined Judas Priest for everyone now, haven't I?

I've only had a third of a bottle of vodka at one time and it destroyed me. Tino's a little beast with alcohol holy shit.

Oh, and if you're curious about the full setlist, here it is [minus the SP original songs, because they're not actual songs]:

Lejonet från norden- Sabaton

All Guns Blazing- Judas Priest

Bergakungen- Fejd

Odin owns ye all- Månegarm

Koit ja Hämarik

Talvisota- Sabaton

White Death- Sabaton

Soldier of three armies- Sabaton

Raise hell in heaven- Lordi

Happy little boozer- Korpiklaani

Well, that's all for the first half. There would be more in the second half, of course, but it's getting a little long now.