The tone of this chapter feel so weirdly different from the others, it almost doesn't feel like the same fic. It was fun, though, writing them this cute and I hope the rest of the fic will be just as enjoyable, to both me and anyone still interested.

Well, Tino didn't have Berwald pegged as an apple-picking kind of guy, but what did he know? In all honesty, he'd barely recognised the man at first, standing in the shade of an apple tree to escape the glaring - but icy - autumn sun. Berwald was wrapped up in a thick, knitted jumper, wellies and navy blue coat. The jumper had a homemade quality to it, with subtle pride flag colours woven together. He was handsome, like a young single dad and Tino had to note, now that he was wearing his glasses, his glare softer and not as murderous. Crisp sunlight suited him the best, Tino decided as he noted the soft sparkle to Berwald's blond hair. He was like a completely different person, without the leather and tattoos, and if someone had told Tino he was the lead singer in a metal band, he wouldn't have bought it for a second. He looked like he'd work in a garden centre or gay library now. Talk about a double life. But Tino himself was wearing a big ugly jumper himself, with matching knitted bear hat.

"Afternoon," Tino chirped as he drew closer, "lovely day for it, huh?"

Berwald nodded, fiddling with the empty basket in his hands. When Tino had joined him, Berwald held out his elbow once more, this time to guide the other into the orchard. A true gentleman, huh? After Berwald had suggested this day out, he'd generally left it up to him to plan and organise, because where would Tino start with something like this? And, although Berwald's directions for getting to this little farm outside of Stockholm had been clear and precise, Tino had still ended up getting slightly lost. Luckily, he had that calming voice on the other end of his loudspeaker to guide him back on the right path.

Tino missed the country air and scenery, if he was being honest. He'd grown up in the countryside back home, by a lake and forest he could get lost in for hours with his cousins, but since he'd moved to Stockholm, as lovely as the city was, he'd not really had the time for trips to the countryside. Shame, because Sweden certainly was a beautiful country. Maybe, one day, he'd even manage to take that trip up north he'd always wanted.

Few people were out and about, surprisingly. It was still mid-morning, and it was cold. There were other couples, though, and families with small children chatting excitedly. He wondered if he and Berwald were a couple, or at least looked like one. Was this a date? He hadn't technically asked Berwald out - only to hang out - but this was a very couple thing to do. It was the kind of sickly sweet date idea Tino would come across on pinterest and wonder if anyone actually did for real. Berwald did, apparently. Was this what Berwald found romantic or did he just want some cheap fresh fruit? Tino could respect that.

As Tino pondered whether or not they were on a date, Berwald guided him deeper into the orchard, away past everyone else, and the pair fell into an awkward silence. When he finally noticed, the quiet began to eat at Tino as he found his companion's expression impossible to read. And now that he felt the need to start a conversation, Tino couldn't, for the life of him, think of a topic. What the hell could he talk about? Why was his brain frozen? No, nothing. Maybe a joke? Who didn't love jokes? Why were there no jokes in his brain now? Oh for God's- wait! No he couldn't tell another human that one! But there were no other jokes left in his brain… maybe Berwald had the same sick sense of humour. It was worth a shot!

"So," he began, "you like jokes?"

Berwald nodded. "Love 'em."

"Okay, okay," Tino clapped his hands together. "What has four legs and an arm?"

"Hm?"

"Rottweiler in a playground!"

Okay, it turned out Berwald didn't have the same sick sense of humour as Tino. Not in the slightest. Tino didn't even know it was possible for a man to look so horrified, but Berwald was practically blue with disgust! Okay, the guy sang about war and death but it was nice to know where his limits were. No more dead or mutilated kids jokes then...

"Ah, sorry," he squeaked, "I- well, I didn't exactly think but-"

"S'fine," said Berwald simply, and the pair fell into an unbearably painful silence. Tino internally squirmed as he tried to think of anything that could possibly lighten the mood, but the one thing he'd come up with before had been the worse thing possible. He didn't know how to "lighten the mood" at the best of times. What to do? "Y'like jokes then?" asked Berwald, and Tino almost jumped at the sudden noise.

"Oh yes!"

"...Puns?"

"Love em!"

Berwald gave a tiny smile at that. "What lies at the b'ttom of the ocean 'nd twitches?"

A snitch tied to an anvil? No, he couldn't say that! "I don't know, Ber."

"A nerv'us wreck." Even though he didn't smile, Berwald still looked proud of himself.

Tino burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh, what a dad joke!"

"Y'like em?"

"I love dad jokes!" he squealed, "I want to have kids just to embarrass them with them."

"Hn, well, what did the officer molecule say to the suspect molecule?"

"No idea."

"I got my ion you," Berwald blushed slightly, "favourite way t'use my chem degree."

"Punny!" Tino thought for a moment, scratching his chin as he tried to unearth a joke of his own. "Hey, two satellite dishes got married the other day; the wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!"

"F' fuck's-" Berwald buried his face in his hands, giving an exhale that might have been a laugh.

"Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere! I haven't been on a date since I went to the seafood disco," Tino was not letting up with the jokes, "I pulled a muscle!"

"Yeah? Waddya call a gay guy on the moon?"

"I... don't know," Tino replied apprehensively.

"An astronaut!" cried Berwald in offence.

"Christ," okay he had to laugh at that one; "hey, how does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!"

Oh gosh, Berwald was smiling properly now! It was the most beautiful thing Tino had ever seen, like the universe had been blessed by the angels themselves and that smile could create world peace. Tino's heart lurched at the sight; how could something so pure make him feel so complete and longing at the same time?

"Scard 'f lifts," Berwald mumbled out, "been taking step t' avoid them."

"Oh, haha!" This would probably go on for a while, so Tino helped himself to a little snack in the form of a ripe, green apple. But before he could take so much as one bite, Berwald had snatched the thing from him and stashed it away in the basket.

"...I guess it would technically be stealing," Tino said miserably.

"Nn, they're bramley apples," Berwald explained.

"Huh?"

"Cooking apples, for pies." It seemed Berwald had finally found a tree he liked, and, after careful consideration, began picking.

"I like pies," Tino joined him, trying to choose apples that looked ripe, and free of blemishes. Deep down though, he had no idea what he was doing. "I could bake us one with the apples." The quickest way to a man's heart was his stomach, and Tino was certain he could win Berwald over with some wholesome homemade baking.

"Or I c'n bake you a pie," Berwald replied, a little too quickly.

Tino's heart sank. Vidar was such a Goddamn snitch! He had actually taken the time to warn Berwald about Tino's cooking, of all things? Tino didn't know what the fuss was, but all his friends and relatives refused to eat a single thing he ever cooked. "Yeah, drop it round whenever you want," he sighed. Whatever, he'd happily accept homemade baking himself, and the image of Berwald in an apron rolling out pastry and taking a fresh pie of of the oven was a cute concept. For a strong guy, he was surprisingly tender and careful, and Tino could imagine those hands of his carefully adding decoration to the top of the pie. Maybe a little pastry heart? And their names. Maybe they could bake something together sometime, and Tino could prove he wasn't that bad a cook.

He added a handful of apples to the basket, smiling as a dog raced past, followed by a rather harried owner. The air had a bite to it, but he was certain that wasn't the only reason his cheeks were burning. "Oh, hey, Ber?"

"Mm?"

"Why do bees hum?"

"Dunno actually."

"Because they don't know the words!"

Berwald just smiled, turning away with a blush to pick more apples.

BTW if you're Swedish or know Swedish, feel free to mentally replace the English puns with Swedish ones.

Listen, these two were born to be cheesy dads, and now I'm sad that Sealand and Ladonia aren't in this fic - but the last SuFin fic I wrote had them so I wanted to try something a little different with this one. But in this universe, chances are they will adopt Sea and Lad together, in like ten years or something.

Also that Moses pun is my favourite joke in existence.