Oooh look an EstUkr chapter :P

I love Eduard as a character, but man this specky cunt gives me so much secondhand embarrassment. Someone save him.

Okay, Eduard supposed he understood Tino's plight.

Not the one about when was the acceptable time to bring up S&M to a new partner, or what to do when your dog eats her own poop, but the dilemma of not knowing whether or not this was a date, or if they were just hanging out as friends.

It had been her idea to go on this day out, and Eduard had had no idea if she'd been suggesting it romantically or platonically. When he'd asked her out for coffee, he'd meant it as a date, but he didn't know if she knew that was what he'd meant. They didn't kiss, and although he tried to flirt, he wasn't certain she'd picked up on it. Katya was still struggling with Swedish on one level, never mind his shitty subtle attempts to let her know he fancied her. Their hands brushed together once, and Eduard's knuckle still tingled thinking about it. It had only been an hour or so of talking about their lives over coffee and cakes, but it had been one of the best hours of Eduard's life.

He didn't think it was possible to become even more of a loser, and yet here he was. And he even was in contact with a real woman. Maybe that was the problem: he was used to being romantically uninvolved, but the first sniff of a date just proved how awkward he really was. He understood programming and deep, obscure indie games. He didn't understand social interaction. He was never going to make fun of Tino again. For that, at least. There were plenty of other things to make fun of him for. He could write a whole book roasting Tino and his life choices.

Katya had a pickup truck, apparently. An old, beaten-up thing with plenty of space at the back to lie in. That was all she'd said, really, in reference to the plans she'd made for today. How cryptic. Eduard hoped the truck wasn't going to be used to dump his body. Katya seemed too sweet for murder, but that was what probably made her the perfect serial killer.

He rang the doorbell to her flat, from the same block Tino lived at. It felt refreshing to be here but not be seeing him. He loved his cousin, truly, but fuck he was hard work. He wouldn't change Tino for all the bread in the world, though. Mostly because a lot of the world made awful bread, but still! Tino had always been there for him. He was hilarious, deep down, but, more importantly, he cared.

Katya was as beautiful as ever as she answered the door, all bundled up warm and smiling bright. She wore a cute mustard jumper and brown dungarees, along with a pair of old wellies. She hugged him in greeting, and Eduard almost suffocated, not that he minded at all. "You came! It's lovely to see you." Katya pulled on a tweed coat and scarf. Eduard himself had stuck to a blue shirt and jumper. Tino often said he just wore the same clothes, but it wasn't true! Some of his blue shirts were more purple, and some were more green, same with his jumpers. He didn't wear a coat, because he liked showing off his cold resistance. No one was that impressed, but that was show-business, he supposed.

Eduard smiled back, then remembered he was supposed to reply. "Um, yeah, love- love y- lovely to see you too." He hoped she was a murderer now, just so he'd never have to face another human being again. "So… what are we doing today?" He wanted to die.

"I thought we could go for a drive," said Katya. And she motioned for him to get in the car. Did she honestly have to be so cryptic?

"A drive where?" asked Eduard nervously, "a six-foot trench behind an abattoir?"

Katya just raised an eyebrow and pointed to the picnic basket and pile of blankets in the back. Eduard decided he really needed to get out more.

"Oh," he said, "ohh, that - that makes sense. Sorry."

She smiled. "I… well, I can tell you now, right? I thought we could go on a picnic together. I know this great spot at the top of a… small mountain."

"Hill?"

"Hill! That! We can see for hours."

Eduard smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"And food! We can have food and talk."

Well, they had food, but Eduard and Katya seemed a little too awkward for talking. Eduard should've known.

After two minutes in the car, they'd lapsed into silence as Katya drove. And not a comfortable silence, one with a thick, prickly atmosphere. One where the lips were still - besides the occasional lick - but minds were whirring, overthinking every little thing. Eduard wondered if this was supposed to be a comfortable silence and he was just ruining it by being awkward and over-analysing everything. He wondered if Katya was feeling the same.

She was, but he didn't know that, and she didn't know he felt the same, so they carried on driving in painful silence.

For an hour.

When Katya pulled into a deserted car park, she turned to him and beamed. "What do you think?"

Eduard had no idea what to think. It was a hill overlooking some Stockholm suburbs and a patch of forest, barely visible in the drizzling rain and mist, and looking a little grey. "I love it," he smiled, not entirely convincingly, though his mood deflated when he saw her get out. Were they really going to have a picnic in the rain? He tried not to groan as he got out himself, glasses rendered useless within seconds.

Katya, though, had had the sense to park under a tree, and opened an umbrella to give them some extra shelter. He stood next to her awkwardly as she set out blankets and cushions, unsure if he should help or how to help, twiddling his thumbs. Katya glanced over at him, rolled her eyes with a smile, and took his hand. The two clambered into the back of the truck, and Eduard had to admit it was more cozy than he'd imagined. Katya still held his hand. Resting in a nest of pillows, Eduard actually took time to admire the view. Even in the rain, he had to admit it was impressive, now he was less grumpy. Or maybe Katya's warmth and radiance was leaking into him, and making him less closed-minded to the outside world and trying new things. But everything was there before him, hundreds of houses like little monopoly pieces, and he could smell the earth and leaves and just nature. It wasn't that he didn't go out. He did, just to the farmer's market, on occasion, for fresh ingredients, and to visit Tino when he had the stomach for it. And work, of course. Everything else was delivered to his flat. Okay, maybe he needed to get out more.

"Hot chocolate?" Katya offered, pulling a flask out of the picnic basket.

"Yes please!" One of Eduard's more shameful secrets, one that only Tino knew about (and had been the one to point it out in the first place), was that he was such a recluse he often had to substitute hot drinks for the warmth of another person, usually coffee. It was pathetic, he knew, but it didn't stop him from holding hot drinks in his hands and basking in the warmth. He held Katya's travel mug to his lips, chocolate too hot to drink just yet, and fogging up his glasses, but he was starting to get chilly. Not that he'd ever admit it.

"I have treats too!" Katya set out a plate of pastries between them, smiling hopefully. Eduard smiled back.

"You… you really came prepared, huh?" Yes, she prepared for a picnic by bringing food. Clever observation, Eduard. He bit his lip, wondering if he should be honest. "You know, I'm not really an outdoors person, but this seems really fun, and cute." And were they on a date? What if he asked and they weren't and he freaked her out? What if they were and he hurt Katya's feelings by asking? What if he upset her and she left him here in the rain and cold? He didn't want to hurt her. He sipped at his hot chocolate, glancing at Katya out of the corner of his eye. She was so beautiful, with a soft, motherly grace, a kind smile and intelligent eyes. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her everything.

He decided not to.

"I don't get out much anymore," she told him, "I grew up in the countryside, but now I'm too busy at work, and sorting out tenants' complaining No, not complaining. Complaints. Important complaining, about noise."

"Sorry about my cousin-"

"Oh no, Tino's fine! Not a bad guy. He's just…" She gestured vaguely. Fair enough.

"Loud?"

"Yes." She laughed at that. "Nice to get some peace and quiet." Or did she say piss and quiet? Obviously not, Eduard, you idiot.

He could go outside more, for Katya. Maybe he could take her to the farmer's market? Maybe he could copy Berwald and go apple picking.

"So what do you do?" he asked, taking a pastry, "for fun?"

"I bake my exes into food."

He choked on his mouthful.

"Joke! I'm joking!" She laughed and took his hand, and Eduard forced a laugh. He coughed up a couple of crumbs, and, with watery eyes, continued eating his pastry. "I do bake though," she continued, "bread, sweet things."

"I bake bread too!" Eduard hadn't meant to be so loud, or sound so excited. He blushed, eyes travelling down to look firmly at his cup.

Katya squeezed his shoulder. This was the most contact he'd had with a woman since… well, ever. "I like singing too. I'm- I'm in a choir."

Eduard looked up and smiled at that. "I love singing too. I'm not in a choir, but that sounds really fun." He used to be, as a child. His choir won national competitions, back in Estonia, to the point where his parents were almost proud of him.

"You should join mine! I mean, if you want to. It would be fun, singing together."

She wanted to see him again? Hang out with him on a regular basis? "I'd love to! What sort of music is it?"

"Metal."

At least this time Eduard spotted it was a joke, and he laughed at it, and the idea of a metal choir. Tino would definitely start one, despite it being a horrible concept in real life and his complete inability to sing.

"We actually sing folk and sometimes showtunes," Katya then explained. "We get our members to suggest music from their countries too."

"So, not a church choir?"

"No. Just people wanting to sing. Not a problem, I hope?"

"Nah, God left me years ago." God was never with him, especially after giving him Tino for a cousin.

Katya smiled at that. "I can drop off a leaflet if you want," she said hopefully, "and- and maybe, we can bake together sometime too. Or cook. I like good, homemade food."

Eduard nodded, breathless.

"Oh! The sun's starting to sink!" Katya perked up, wrapping her blanket tighter around her and grinning. She seemed to be bristling with energy as she pointed at the sun, ever-so-slightly dipping over the horizon. Eduard followed her gaze.

Okay, he wasn't one for sunsets, besides some especially pretty photographs he'd sometimes used for desktop backgrounds, but he had to admit it was beautiful. The rain had cleared up while they were talking, the clouds parting a road for the sun to travel along, and he saw colours he'd never seen in the sky before. Not in person. He'd never cared to look.

"It's wonderful," he told her.

Then Katya rested her head on his shoulder.

Eduard thought he was going to die. Not in a bad way, rather he was going to evaporate from the contact and the way his heart was racing. He wondered if he should go for it, stick his neck out and kiss her. No, he couldn't.

What if she wanted him to?

But, more importantly, what if she didn't?

Instead, he decided to wrap his arm around her, then couldn't decide if that was too much too and let it hover just above her shoulders, hand dangling awkwardly parallel to her arm.

Fucking idiot.

He was still at war with himself as Katya drove him home, neither saying a word and the comfort they'd found in each other's presence starting to dissipate. Had they actually gone on a date? Why was he so useless at this? He wanted to kiss her, and for Katya to hold him in a tender embrace and stroke his hair.

Eduard's mind and stomach turned over and over again as he pondered the same handful of questions over and over. It was only when Katya brought him to his doorstep, and gave him a little kiss on the lips, that his insides finally stilled.

"I'll give you a call," she said, "and we can do this again, sometime."

Eduard nodded, too stunned to speak.