(May 30, 2009)
.
Levi couldn't say what had woken him. Gray pre-dawn light softly illuminated the room. 'Where-?' Levi started, where was he? His eyes darted around frantically before snagging on his family photo resting on the headboard. That brought back a flood of memories and as he looked around the room again he recognized the objects shrouded in shadows.
Levi drew his knees to his chest and let out a shuddery sigh. It was 'his' room, and it had been for almost two months now. The biggest surprise was that the room was still his. Because for some reason the Westin's had taken him back- even after he'd inadvertently attacked Mr. Rick. Levi shuddered, remembering that awful night. Mr. Rick came away with only a few bruises and a bloody nose, but it could easily have been much worse. They hadn't been mad. Nervous maybe, but they'd taken him back into their house and continued to treat him like they wanted him there.
Had he just dreamt about attacking Mr. Rick? Sadly it wouldn't be the first time. The haze of exhaustion mixing poorly with adrenaline made it difficult to think straight, but it didn't feel like he'd just been dreaming. Levi knew the after effects of nightmares. However if it hadn't been that, then what had awoken him? Levi drew the comforter tight around his shoulders and looked at the clock sitting next to his family photo. Four o'clock. But the date caught his attention.
May 30.
'Oh.'
That might explain it. Unwanted tears pricked at Levi's eyes. He hadn't known the dates last year to know the milestones he was missing with Dane and Brody. Today was Brody's tenth birthday. And somehow wherever Brody was -'or if he was even still alive' came unbidden to his thoughts- Levi doubted it involved much of a celebration.
Nausea suddenly churned in Levi's gut. He launched himself from the bed and into his bathroom. Falling in front of the toilet, Levi lost the contents of his stomach. Dry heaves followed when his stomach had nothing left to lose. Tears streamed down Levi's face, falling mixing with the expelled bile. After what felt like an eternity Levi's stomach stilled. Trembling he rose, flushed away the remains, and washed his face.
By now the sun had started peaking through his windows. The alarm set for school would go off in the next half hour. That thought brought on a new wave of exhaustion. Levi didn't want to go to school. He didn't want to . . . a shudder ran through him. If he didn't go then what? The Westins would probably get mad at him but what would they do?
They'd taken him back after he'd run away. They'd been worried about him. And they'd only known him for a month or so when . . . it happened. But the Westins had taken him back. They'd had a conversation about walking around in the dark, but neither of them had yelled at him for what he'd done to Mr. Rick.
Levi slid back under his covers and pulled the blanket tight around him. He didn't deserve to have people who were caring for him when a sinking feeling taunted him that Brody didn't have the same.
He must have dozed off because a tap on his door sent a jolt through him. Immediately the nausea returned with a vengeance and he became aware of a pounding behind his temples.
"Levi, are you awake?" Mrs. Erin's called through the door.
"Yes." Levi croaked out and winced at how brittle the word sounded.
There was a moment's pause then Mrs. Erin asked, "Can I come in?"
'No!' He wanted to shout, but that would only make her more suspicious- and he didn't think he had the energy to manage that. Sighing Levi pulled himself upright, wincing when the room tipped dangerously in his vision. He blinked hard and carefully made his way to the door.
A worried frown covered Mrs. Erin's face as she looked Levi up and down. "Is everything okay?"
Levi shrugged and started to turn back into his room but Mrs. Erin gently grabbed his hand. Everything within Levi tensed, and it was only due to some shreds of logic that kept him from struggling to get out of the hold.
"Levi?" Her hand was warm in his. A lifeline, but Levi didn't know how to respond to it. "Is something wrong?"
Levi stifled a snort. That was a loaded question, but he knew that wasn't what Mrs. Erin was going for. "I-I don't feel very good." He finally admitted.
Mrs. Erin let go of his hand and placed her palm on Levi's forehead. "You do feel a bit warm. What hurts?"
"M-my head. And my stomach."
Mrs. Erin didn't say anything for a moment and Levi resisted the urge to fidget. "I'm going to grab the thermometer. I'll be right back."
And indeed it seemed like Levi barely blinked before she stood in front of him again.
"Here."
She held out the thermometer. Levi took it, obligingly putting it in his mouth. After a few seconds it beeped and the screen flashed red with a number Levi's blurry eyes couldn't quite make out.
"You've got a fever. It's probably best if you stay home today. I'll call the school and let them know. Do you want to go back to bed or rest on the couch?"
"The bed is fine."
"Alright, I'll be back in a few minutes."
She left- once she saw Levi tucked back under his covers. That brought a new twist to Levi's emotions. He didn't have many memories of his mom. It'd been several years since she died, but Mrs. Erin's actions brought back buried memories of when Elena would get him to bed. More tears pricked in Levi's eyes but he sniffed and shoved them down. He didn't need that to add to his problems at the moment.
Levi had started dozing again when soft footfalls entered his- the - room. His eyes snapped open, but it took a moment to clear the blurriness from them. Mrs. Erin entered with a bowl in one hand and a cup in the other.
"You'll need to drink as much water as you can, and I brought some applesauce for you if you feel like eating."
Levi murmured a quiet thank you and accepted the dishes. The water helped rid the lingering taste of vomit from his throat. It also helped to settle his stomach.
"Rest. I'll be back in shortly to check on you." Mrs. Erin smoothed back Levi's hair and left, leaving the door open. "If you need anything I'll be just down the hall."
Levi didn't plan on needing anything but he nodded. Only when he heard Mrs. Erin's footsteps fade down the hall did Levi let himself drift off to sleep again.
.
"Come on Brody you can't catch me!" Aiden laughed and darted out of the way of his younger brother. It could be said he had an unfair advantage since Brody was blindfolded, but that was part of the game. Eventually Brody managed to corner Aiden and tackled him.
"Oof! You got me!" Aiden laughed from his spot on the floor.
Brody whipped off the blindfold and grinned a gap toothed smile. "I did it!"
"Yes you did. Great job." Dane's deep voice came from behind Aiden.
Aiden grinned. "You caught me so what do we get to do now?"
"Presents!"
Aiden and Dane laughed. "That's right." Dane ruffled Brody's hair. "Happy Birthday kiddo."
.
Happy Birthday . . . Happy Birthday . . . Happy Birthday . . .
.
Levi shot upright- and immediately flopped back on his pillows as the room spun. Why did his mind have to taunt him with memories of Brody's last birthday when they were all together? That thought sent a pang through Levi. Was it wrong that he didn't want to dream about times past with his brother? Levi curled up into himself, forcing the rising lump in his throat back down.
Before his thoughts could taunt him too much a soft knock came on his door. Levi looked up to see Mrs. Erin back in the room. She had another cup in her hands. Blearily Levi realized he hadn't even touched the first glass since Mrs. Erin initially brought it to him.
"I have some more water for you." Her gaze caught on the mostly full cup and bowl from earlier. "Can you try taking a few sips?"
Slowly Levi reached out and took the cup. His stomach flipped for a second, but quickly quieted when the water hit it. "Thanks."
"Are you hungry at all?" Levi shook his head. "That's okay, but I can leave it in here in case you start feeling hungry. Or do you feel up to sitting on the couch?" Levi shrank back into his bed. "That's okay, you can stay in here. If you need anything I'm just a room or so away." She smiled at him and left again.
Some knots that Levi hadn't realized were there loosened in his chest as she disappeared from sight. After the last several months of running from adults, one so close when he couldn't protect himself was scary- even one who brought back memories of his mother. Levi shook himself and reclined against his pillow.
.
The morning passed quietly. After months in abandoned buildings he had practice being more or less alone with little outward distraction. He managed to eat the applesauce and drink both glasses of fluids. Mrs. Erin stopped in about every thirty minutes to check on him, and by noon when Mrs. Erin entered with another bowl in her hand Levi noticed he wasn't tensing each time she came into the room. That was progress right?
"Chicken soup. It's okay if you don't feel up to it, but if you're able to even just drink the broth that'll be good for you." Levi let out another quiet mutter of thanks and stirred the soup before taking a spoonful. "You don't have to stay on your bed the whole day. If you feel up for it you can come out to the living room and rest on the couch if you want. We've got a few movies if you want to choose one."
It had been almost two years since he'd watched anything. That was a weird thought. Levi gave a half shrug. He really just wanted to sleep- and wake to find the whole last two years had been a bad dream.
Something must have shown on his face because Mrs. Erin didn't press. "Okay. But that option is still on the table if you want it."
Levi didn't take her up on her offer. However as the afternoon wore on the pounding in his head and gut receded more and more. He heard Mr. Rick get home from work and the sound of dishes being set on the table. After a quick mental debate Levi made his way slowly down the hall to the dining room. Mrs. Erin smiled at him and added a third bowl to the table.
Levi stayed quiet throughout the meal. His energy might have been returning, but the thought of trying to add to the conversation ebbing and flowing around him felt like too monumental of an effort.
That was until Mr. Rick asked, "How're you feeling?"
A worm of guilt tugged at Levi for giving them another reason to worry. He dropped his gaze to his bowl. "Better."
Both adults were quiet but Levi could feel their eyes on him. Ignoring the urge to look up, Levi readied to run- well walk- back to his room as soon as he was sure no more questions were coming his way.
"Is something else bothering you?"
Levi shook his head on impulse.
There was a clink as one of them set down their silverware and Mrs. Erin's hand reached over, gently resting on Levi's forearm. Levi tensed then forced himself to relax.
"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to, but Mr. Rick and I are here for you and we care about you. You don't have to carry everything alone anymore."
The stupid lump in Levi's throat rose again and it took several long seconds to swallow it back down. But gave him time to make a decision.
"I-it's Brody's birthday today." He kept his gaze firmly on the plate in front of him, ignoring the way it began to blur before him.
"Oh, Levi." A chair scraped back and soon a pair of warm arms wrapped around Levi.
"I-I don't even know if he's okay." Levi's voice cracked and the dam holding his tears burst.
Indistinct words floated near his head but Levi couldn't focus on what was being said. A hand carded through his hair and Levi melted into the embrace. He didn't know how long he sat there, but slowly he came back to himself. His sobs died away but he made no effort to move from the arms holding him upright.
After a couple minutes Mrs. Erin spoke softly, "Would it help if you told us about what your brother is like?"
A new ache flared in Levi's chest but he nodded into Mrs. Erin's shirt. He pulled himself up and in a halting voice began to recount memories of Brody, and his parents, over the years. Eventually he came to the week where everything changed. Even shaken as he was, Levi kept to his abridged story of what happened. That didn't stop the memory of the monsters that took Brody away and killed Dane from bringing a new bout of tears to Levi's eyes.
"S-s-sorry." He gasped out.
"Levi you have nothing to be sorry for." Mrs. Erin soothed.
"B-but I c-could have done something!"
"You were listening to what your dad told you. You didn't know what was going to happen."
"B-but-"
"Levi," Mr. Rick's voice was very serious. Levi stilled and looked up at him. "It's not your fault what happened to Brody or your dad. None of it is."
Levi made a noise of protest, but Mr. Rick wrapped his arms around him and Mrs. Erin. Another sob strangled its way out of Levi. The three stayed clustered together for a long while.
Later that night Levi could still feel the ache in his chest when he thought about Brody and Dane, but, for the first time since that day, Levi's sleep felt peaceful.