Dee's POV
Living in a Battlestar, fighting every day for their survival was annihilating the rest of their humanity. Each and every of them found solace in different places. One would drown his sorrow in alcohol, some would frak their brain out. Dee found peace knowing their leader didn't lose their own humanity. Each day, she would listen to them and remember why they fight. It had begun quite innocently. After Kobol, Adama had called Roslin to make sure she was okay. Then the day after, he had called again, to discuss fleet business. And he never stopped calling. Every night, at what she supposed was his bedtime, he would ask Dee to transfer him to the President. From the sound of his voice, she was sure he was lying down. Then, they would always follow the same pattern: they would discuss professional matters first then one of them would call the other one by his first name signaling the end of the business day. It was time for Laura and Bill to talk. « What do you miss? » The question was always the same, like a little game of their own. They would give one answer per day, one day her, the other day him. Always the same pattern, their regularity, the predictability of it such a reassuring thing in these troubled days. Some days, their answers were … predictable, sometimes they were plain silly, most of the time border line philosophical. But she was always surprised by their candor, especially Roslin's.
She recalled the first time she got a glimpse of Laura, really Laura, not the president. She was saying how much she missed fruits, the sweetness, the juice dripping out of them. She was explaining how she would cut a pear, a mango or just grab some raspberries and mix them with some yogurt for her breakfast. She had such a nice voice and the way she would express that loss… Dee could just see her, sitting at her kitchen counter, in her pyjamas and savoring the beginning of the day, coffee in one hand, fruits in the other. But not the Admiral.
« No, no, no. Cut the crap, Laura. Enough with the niceties, you have to answer honestly. What do you miss? What do you really miss? » He emphasized on the really.
She heard the woman chuckled at the other end of the line. « Is there… Can someone hear us? » Dee felt her chest tighten. She was not supposed to listen. She was supposed to transfert and cut the line after.
« Dee? » Called the Admiral. The young woman did not dare answer. A few seconds passed. « I guess we're alone, Laura. What is it you have to say far from prying ears. » Oh his tone! She could see his smile through the receptor and was it a hint of flirt too?
« So, yes, alone, ok. Where were I? » And she giggled. They were definitely flirting and even though she knew she shouldn't, Dee was more than ever going to listen.
« What do you miss, Laura? » His voice lower than usual, dangerously low.
She heard the woman take a deep breath. « Sex and smokes, in that order. » And she burst in laughter. « Did I just say that? »
« Well, yes, you did. » The old man was laughing too. « So, sex and smokes, mmh. In that order? » Again, the mirth in his voice made Dee smile despite herself.
« Well, yes, Bill. Sex first and a cigarette after. »
« I didn't know you were a smoker, Laura. » He said, his tone a bit more serious.
« I was, on and off. I quit when I joined Adar's campaign, heard it was not lady like nor quite presidential, you know. » She laughed, her tone light. « But I always kept a paquet in my purse, for, mmmhhh, special occasions » They both laughed. « You know, after the attacks then my cancer, I didn't quite have a chance to think about it for a long time. I … I didn't have that need anymore. It had felt good to be held, even more to be kissed, don't get me wrong but it was not.. it was not sex I wanted, it was confort and .. tenderness. » Her tone had grown serious and her voice had raised so slightly, like if she was not sure herself. « Do you understand, Bill? »
« Yes, yes, I do. » He said quietly. « I didn't have that in mind when… when I kissed you. I just wanted to … it was like you said comfort and tenderness and hope too. » Dee mind was racing: they kissed!
Laura hummed. « That was a good kiss. » It was a statement, an affirmation.
« Yes, it was. » They stayed quiet for a while, were they daydreaming about said kiss, Dee wandered. « So what changed? »
She hummed, again, softly, like if she was considering the question. « Getting a second chance? Hormones ? Or finding someone I'd like to like to, hummm, experienced with, I don't really know. It's such a bother and, at the same time, it makes me feel so alive. You know that ache, that primal need to be touched and, frankly I don't have any other word than …Frakked. It frakking gives me insomnia but, gods, it's good. » She laughed and Dee was sure Laura was blushing too, she could hear it in her voice.
« Oh I know, trust me. » Said the Admiral, laughing too.
« Oh really, that long? » The woman teased.
« You would not believe me. »
« You know, Bill, I can't remember the last time I made love either. » She paused, serious again. « I've done so much frakking in the last years, just acting on an impulse, satisfying some basic need. Don't get me wrong, it was good, really good. And it was what I needed at that point, I couldn't… I didn't want more but now.. now that I have a second chance, now that we've been living in tiny cans fighting for our lives everyday, every single day and with no future, I… don't want to waste it like that. »
« And what is it that you want, Laura? » His voice was just a murmur, low, raw.
« I … I think I want to share a moment, not just my body. I want the experience of connecting with another human more than getting release. I want to touch, caress and get to learn what my partner enjoys. I want to take my time discovering a new body, i.. I want to be held. It feels so strange for me to feel and express that, it's something I've eluded from for so long now. And I can't explain it. » She said, with such honesty and despair in her voice. Dee was moved, tears forming in her eyes.
« You want to connect, Laura. I think it's a feeling you should hold on to, makes you human, gives you something to fight for. » His voice was soft but firm.
« Mmmhh, maybe you're right. »
« You know, Laura, one day will come where you won't have to fight. One day, you won't be the president anymore and that day, I swear the Gods, you'll have all the time in the world to spend days and nights in bed with someone who wants just the same: reading, taking things slow and loving you. » Dee wondered if the president was oblivious to her own feelings toward the Admiral, if she understood his. Billy told her once that Roslin was not as cold as she appeared, that she just wasn't ready to face her own emotions. And at that moment, Dee understood what he meant. She had seen them, The Admiral and the President, Bill and Laura, arms in arms, eyes locked. She heard them every night, talking about « what if » and discovering each other. She knew Laura called Bill every morning when she got up, just to great him a good day. She was in love. And so was Adama.
« And in the meantime? » the woman asked in a small faint voice.
« Well, I don't think that we have other choice than taking the matter in our own separate hands. » They laughed, again.
« Good Lords, Bill! » She feigned shock and let her laughter die slowly. « Have a good night, Dear. » She said softly after a while, her voice soft and full of promises.