Disclaimers: Naruto is someone else's, this is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.

Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, angst, and (of course) beautiful yaoi love.

A Death to Escape

Chapter 18: Struggling- to Survive

"It is sometimes an appropriated response to reality to go insane."

-Philip K. Dick

--

Naruto's eyes slammed open as a horribly piercing light filled his room once more. Several orderlies walked in, and two got to work right away unbuckling the straps around his wrists and ankles. Tears filled his eyes and he quickly blinked them back. It was only a small victory, but it was something, and he couldn't help but feel a rush of gratitude and relief.

A large man with a youthful face and long white hair helped him to his feet once he was free, grabbed his arm with an iron-clad grip, and led him out of the room. But relief quickly switched to fear as the orderly yanked him down the hall.

"Wh-where are you taking me..?" Naruto breathed, his voice shaking.

The man noticed and seemed to take pity on the blonde because of it. His grip loosened, and his expression softened. "I'm just helping you to the bathroom. Your feet are going to feel a little numb for a while after being strapped down."

"Oh.. umm- thank you."

The man nodded, but chose not to respond. The two walked the rest of the way in silence as Naruto was guided down the corridor and into a bathroom. There was a small open shower off to the side, and a towel already set out for him.

"Once you've cleaned up, you can change into those."

The man nodded to a pair of black sweatpants and a pale grey loose-fitted shirt on the small bench outside of the shower. When Naruto checked the pile he also found a dark pair of boxers and socks tucked in with them. He looked back over his shoulder and saw that the orderly was still there, arms folded tight across his chest as he leaned against the wall.

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "Umm.."

"I'll be staying" the man said firmly. "But I will look away."

Feeling incredibly embarrassed, but unable to avoid it, Naruto peeled off his clothes and stepped into the shower. He glanced over at the man and saw that he did keep his gaze averted, which was a little reassuring, but he still felt extremely uncomfortable.

He finished up quickly and threw on his clothes.

His body did feel shaky, and he had to brace himself on the wall a few times, but otherwise he was able to function well on his own.

Which was a relief.

After a lifetime of abuse from Deidara, plus the torment he faced at the hands of the orange-haired triplets, and now the impending doom that was Itachi- it was no surprise that Naruto did not like to be touched. He had always felt a rush of cold fear when a hand reached towards him, and after everything that had happened, that only got worse.

Friendly or not- he just couldn't stomach anymore physical contact, and he was relieved that he no longer needed it.

The blonde shuffled over to the sink, where a small pile of toiletries waited for him. He started to brush his teeth, but froze when he caught his reflection. His toothbrush slipped from his grasp and clattered back down on the sink. His mouth dropped open as he stared into the mirror in absolute shock.

What the fuck did they do to me..?

Naruto carefully fingered the thick angry bruise wrapped around his neck. This had been their latest ploy then.. they.. they fucking strangled me. To make it look like I tried to- to- hang myself..

He looked away in disgust and quickly finished up so he could escape the reflection that looked so similar to the Naruto he used to be- when he had been worn thick scarves to hide the purple handprint bruises wrapped around his throat.

When he had been Deidara's obedient little rabbit.

The man noticed the look on Naruto's face, the horror that filled his eyes when he noticed the bruise around his neck, but chose not to comment on it. He didn't know much about this patient besides that he needed to be under close surveillance, and that he had been labeled as suicidal, suffering from delusions and paranoia.

He knew from experience that the patients here could seem deceptively innocent at first, that they could turn on you (and themselves) in an instant, but there was something different about this one. He couldn't help but feel like this kid shouldn't be here.

"Umm.."

He jerked his head back to the blonde shuffling over to him, and raised an eyebrow as he waited for him to say more.

"Can I.. can I ask- what your name is..?"

The orderly studied the blonde for a moment, wondering about his sudden curiosity. He didn't tell the patients much about himself, preferring not to bond with any of them if he could avoid it, but he supposed he didn't mind if they knew his name.

Meeting his cautious cerulean gaze, the man replied, "Jiraiya. My name is Jiraiya."

--

Sasuke called his aunt as Gaara drove, and quickly filled her in on their situation. She was utterly shocked by everything that happened and was fast to hang up so that she could work on helping him on her end. Sasuke wasn't sure that she could do much, but he appreciated that she was just as desperate to do something as he was.

Gaara had filled Lee in on all that was happening, or at least what he knew about it, and the brunette had been quiet since.

After some time, his soft voice broke the silence.

"I will do whatever I can to help Naruto.." Lee turned to face the extremely anxious raven in the passenger seat. "I'll help you get him back, Sasuke."

The Uchiha glanced over his shoulder and gave a slight nod before turning back to stare blankly out the window.

Gaara met Lee's eyes in the rear view mirror and gave him a small smile. "I knew we could count on my duckling."

Lee smiled back. "So, what is the plan?"

Gaara's eyes hardened as he turned his attention back to the road. "Sasuke."

The raven slid his gaze over to the redhead.

"I think I should admit myself into the asylum."

A heavy silence fell between them.

"What?!" Lee exclaimed. "Gaara, I don't think-"

Gaara gritted his teeth. "I can't just leave him in there alone."

Sasuke felt a surge of anger and jealousy rush through him, but Gaara was quick to continue.

"Sasuke, you know I'm right. You can't go in there- Itachi will be expecting that. He knows you. He knows what Naruto.." he swallowed, "..what Naruto means to you. If anything, you being there will put him at greater risk."

"No" Lee cut in, "I'll go. You know I can fight. I'll protect him. The two of you know Naruto the most- you'll be able to convince people that he shouldn't be there."

Gaara gripped the steering wheel hard and shot a sharp look back at Lee. "Absolutely not."

"Gaara-"

"I am not letting anyone else I care about near that fucking psycho." He clenched his jaw tight, eyes burning with barely contained rage. "You are NOT going."

Lee's face reddened, and he quickly looked away, letting choppy bangs hide his growing shame. "I just want to help.."

Gaara sighed. "I know, Lee. I'm sorry. I just- I can't risk anyone else being in danger. Besides-" he glanced over at the raven next to him, "I made Naruto a promise. And I intend to keep it."

The Uchiha's eyes flashed.

God, I fucking hate him.

--

As they left the bathroom Jiraiya reached out to grasp Naruto's arm once more, but stopped when he saw him flinch.

Naruto bit his lip hard as he took an unsteady step away from the orderly. "I.. I don't-"

Jiraiya shook his head. "No need to explain." He dropped his hand and instead led the blonde down the hall and into their community area.

Naruto froze, eyes darting to each patient. I shouldn't be here.. this isn't right, I shouldn't be here!

"This is where you will be spend the rest of the night before we have you return to your room. You will also spend a majority of your days here" Jiraiya explained calmly. "This is a place for you to explore different hobbies, and socialize with others."

Naruto's wide fearful gaze shifted over to the orderly then went back to scanning the room.

"This is a safe area, Naruto. I will be here, along with several other orderlies. If you need help, just come find me- ok?"

The blonde nodded, though he didn't look convinced.

"Is there something you enjoy doing?"

Naruto twisted his hands in his shirt. "I.. I draw. But I don't have my sketchbook with me."

Jiraiya nodded. "Not a problem. We have a few here. I'll grab you one. Why don't you go ahead and find a spot to sit down."

The man gestured to the room, but Naruto's feet refused to cooperate.

Jiraiya narrowed his eyes. "If you don't do it yourself, I will have to assist you."

Cerulean eyes widened, but he quickly turned away, hiding his fear behind long blonde hair. Naruto pushed down the fight or flight instincts rushing through him, and shuffled forward. Avoiding all contact with the other patients, he worked his way around the room and over to a chair tucked in the corner. He wanted to have his back against the wall so that he could survey everything around him.

So he could keep an eye out for Itachi..

Naruto wiped damp palms on his pants and continued to gnaw nervously on his bottom lip.

He was terrified.

And not just of Itachi.

These people were unstable, unpredictable, and a few were bound to be violent. He just hoped that he could go unnoticed.

It didn't take long for that hope to shatter around him.

An unbelievably tall man with a razor sharp grin spotted him and suddenly rushed towards him. Naruto shot back, forcing his chair firmly against the wall, but the man closed the distance fast and had him cornered. He pulled a chair over and sat down in front of the nervous blonde. He scooted his chair forward, pushing one leg between Naruto's, the other pressed close, trapping him.

Naruto jerked back at the contact, slamming his head into the wall. He winced in pain, but quickly refocused as the man reached towards him. A rush of terror shot through him.

"No! D-don't touch me!" he shouted, slapping his hand away.

The man stared at his hand, like he just noticed its existence, before finally pulling it back. "Heh- you're funny. A funny, funny guy.." His smile widened, eyes shining with interest as he studied the cornered blonde.

"I- I want to be alone" Naruto choked out. "P-please go away."

The man tilted his head. "What if I don't want to go away?"

Naruto's breath caught in his throat. He had no idea how to respond. Luckily, he didn't have to.

"Kisame, we talked about this. We need to respect peoples personal space." Jiraiya clapped a hand on the large man's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, pulling his attention away from Naruto.

"Don't you think Naruto looks uncomfortable?"

Kisame's predatory grin stretched across his face. "But I like when they look uncomfortable."

Jiraiya's grip on the man's shoulder tightened. "Kisame. This is a warning. Time for you to find something constructive to do." He leaned down until their eyes were level. "Otherwise I will have to escort you back to your room. That's not what you want right?"

Kisame's smile curdled, and he shot a glare over at the blonde. Naruto held his breath, waiting to see how he'd react. The man clenched his fist tight, then paused- seemingly reconsidering his next move.

"Fine." He shot up, sending his chair crashing to the floor. Naruto flinched.

"Kisame.."

"I'm leaving, I'm leaving.."

The man stalked off, leaving behind a toppled chair and a shaky blonde.

"You alright, kid?"

Naruto nodded because it was easier than explaining how terrified he felt. Instead he pulled his legs close and curled in on himself, wide eyes warily tracking every patient.

Sasuke.. please...

Naruto swallowed back his tears.

Get me out of here..

--

The drive took far longer than Gaara expected, and he was beyond frustrated by the time they finally reached their destination. They pulled up to a tall wrought iron fence, where he had to wait to be admitted- testing his patience even further. When the gate finally opened, he drove down a long gravel driveway, and pulled up to the front of a large concrete building.

The three climbed out of the car and stared at the looming obstacle before them.

"Looks like a fucking prison.." he mumbled.

Lee reached out and grasped his hand, surprising both of them. Gaara looked down and met his huge onyx eyes.

"You don't have to do this, Gaara."

Gaara gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Yes, I do."

Sasuke didn't bother to comment. Instead, he rushed forward, eager to get inside. To find his blonde, and take him away from this dreadful place.

Before it's too late..

As he entered the asylum, panic set in again and he found himself racing through the front entrance. He skidded to a stop in front of a surprised secretary, his breathing labored under the weight of his fears.

The woman peered up at him from behind half-moon spectacles. "Yes..?"

"I'm here to see Naruto Uchiha" he breathed out.

The woman eyed him. "And who might you be?"

"Sasuke Uchiha. We're family."

The woman checked her computer before gazing over at him. "Most likely he will not be able to have visitors at this time. Newly admitted patients usually need to wait for a period of time before-"

"Please," Sasuke pleaded. "Please, I'm begging you. Please let me see him."

The woman sighed. "I will need to check with his attendants."

Obsidian eyes stared back, impatiently waiting for her to get her ass moving.

Another sigh, before she finally rose to her feet and shuffled off down the hall. Sasuke paced in front of the desk until she was out of sight and then he just couldn't take it anymore.

Fuck this.

He ran down the hall, his heart in his throat as he drew closer to the community room. Please be there, please.. please!!

He rushed past a group of curious orderlies and skirted around several patients, eyes darting around the room- desperately searching for a mess of blonde hair.

He was starting to lose hope when he finally saw him- curled up tight on a chair shoved back in a corner of the room, looking terrified and lost.

"Hey- do you have permission to be here!?"

Sasuke ignored the orderly, and brushed past a restless patient, as he made his way over to his dejected blonde. Naruto hadn't spotted him yet, and as Sasuke drew closer he could see why. Naruto's eyes seemed unfocused, cloudy- like he wasn't really there anymore.

Like he had found his own way to escape.

Sasuke dropped to his knees in front of him, eyes filled with concern as he reached up with trembling hands, and gently cupped his face. "Naruto" he whispered, "Naru- it's me. I'm here."

Those hazy blues filled with tears as his voice slowly registered. Naruto covered his hands with his own, desperately gazing down at the raven's face. "Sasuke? Is it really you?"

A tight fist squeezed in his chest, and the Uchiha could feel his own tears forming. "It's me. It's me.."

Naruto choked back a sob and dropped down into his arms, burying his face in the raven's neck. "You're here. You're really here."

An orderly stepped forward then, and placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder. "We're going to need you to come with us" he said, his tone strict and insistent. "You do not have authorization to be here."

Naruto's arms tightened around him. "No! No, no - please. Don't leave. Please, don't leave me here."

A sharp pang stabbed through him. "Naru, listen to me. I'm going to get you out of here."

"Sasuke, he-"

Sasuke buried his hand in the blonde's disheveled locks, pulling him close. "Don't give up on me, ok? I swear to you- I'll get you out."

Several orderlies moved in and roughly grabbed them, pulling them apart.

"No- let me go! LET GO!!" Naruto screamed. He yanked his arm free and reached out to him. "Sasuke!!"

Sasuke's eyes widened. This is just like before.. back when we were kids- when Naruto was forced to leave the institute and go back to Deidara..

"Naruto, you gave to survive!" Sasuke cried out, just as he had all those years ago. "Please- whatever it takes. Run, hide, fight back. Just stay alive."

Tears slipped down Naruto's scarred cheeks as Sasuke shouted out the same words he had said to him when they were fourteen. The same promise, the same desperate plea.

All Naruto could do was cry out his name as he was dragged away from his person.. his refuge.. his lifeline..

Naruto screamed as the men dragged Sasuke out of sight, screamed as they forced him to the ground and gripped his arm, screamed as they pulled out a syringe.

"Wait!" Naruto shrieked. "Stop! DON'T!!"

The needle pierced through his skin, sending a cold rush of liquid through his veins.

"Why..? Why are you doing this?"

The orderlies continued to hold him down as he weakly struggled against them. A sob jutted past his lips, but it didn't even seem to phase them.

"Sasuke.." he moaned as his vision began to blur, his limbs getting heavier by the minute.

"Sa.."

And once again Naruto slipped into that familiar, all-consuming darkness.