Notes:
I cried a little while writing this chapter while listening to Ed Sheeran - Give me love
Hope your like
11. Bad Mother
11:30 p.m.
Yoshio ran back to bed.
Her mother was saying goodbye to someone else on the phone and she was about to enter her room.
"Thank you... I hope to see you tomorrow... and I to you, sweet dreams... I love you" — she affectionately said goodbye
it seemed that person with whom Utahime had talked, he or she had finished reassuring her
Utahime contacted that person shortly after Shoko hung up.
And Utahime also spent almost a half hour on the phone with said person
Yoshio got into bed quickly, lay face down, closed his little eyes and pretended to be snoring... in his haste to appear to be asleep he forgot to cover himself
But he already had some information and his plan would start soon after.
Utahime went back into her room and sighed in relief to see her son "asleep".
So like the loving mother that she was, she took him back.
Then she got into bed to try to rest, but it was useless...
The feeling of fear invaded her again... losing her son would be the greatest pain in the world.
"My Little boy..." Utahime said in a very low voice as tears ran down his cheeks again.
At that moment, he kissed the forehead of his son who was breathing calmly while he was pretending to be asleep.
Utahime couldn't deny it anymore, Yoshio was a copy of Gojo even "asleep"
Even in his pranks and occurrences he was a copy of that man for better or for worse...
"My baby..." Utahime said trying not to break her voice... but it was useless
Again she burst into tears
"Mommy, are you okay?" Yoshio asked, opening his eyes quickly when he heard those sobs.
That blue color of his eyes was even visible in the dark... a beautiful blue worthy of that damned clan
"Yes I am, my life... it's just that..." she dried her tears while trying to come up with an excuse
Yoshio sat down and walked over to hug his mother.
His mother, also sat on that bed to be able to hug her son tightly while crying
"Sorry mommy if you're crying because of me... It wasn't my intention to leave the sanctuary like that, I didn't think that would cause problems"— Yoshio was a boy who knew how to ask for forgiveness
Utahime listened to her son as she hugged him and stroked his hair
"It was easy for me to do it and more than just me..." Yoshio swallowed.
"I just wanted to help..." At that moment, the little boy hesitated a bit on what he should call Gojo Satoru.
"Help dad..." he looked his mother in the eyes while still in her arms
Utahime opened her eyes wide, felt a kick in the pit of her stomach and in her pride at hearing her son say that word
They both kept a few seconds of silence... Utahime couldn't get mad at Yoshio
She could no longer deny him the truth, a truth that her son discovered in the worst way and he did not deserve that.
Utahime was still silent and Yoshio noticed that, so he just smiled and made puppy eyes
"I say, Mojon Saturron! I just wanted to help that old man because..." —He played lightly with his fingers—" Because you and Grandma always say it, that if a person goes to the sanctuary it's because they want help... and well... it was easy for me try to help him "- I try to fix it with those words when seeing that his mother did not say anything
Yoshio was really afraid that his mom would scold him so he kept that innocent smile and his puppy eyes all times
Utahime stroked her son's cheek, took a deep breath counting to ten
"Just...don't do it again, okay?" — she said looking him in the eyes besides, that she sounded annoyed
"Don't ever leave the sanctuary again without my permission or without telling me... let alone go with unknown people, understood?" — Utahime looked at her son very seriously
Yoshio nodded his head and then hugged his mother tightly. "I promise... Mommy."
"My little treasure" returned that hug
Having him in her arms was something gratifying, but at the same time it was painful and more so now that he already knew the truth.
"Mommy... Is that man really my father?" I'm talking about Gojo Satoru" - asked Yoshio even being in his arms
Utahime felt her heart stop... she wasn't ready for all that, but she had to face it, sooner or later she had to tell him the truth, even if it hurt.
So, Utahime took another deep breath and remembered Shoko's words to talk to him and think about him feelings a little more.
"Yes... he's your father," she said, looking into his eyes.
"I see... well at least I'm glad to know that I took out your hair color mommy, because if not everyone would tell me that I'm an old man like him" Yoshio said laughing a little
Utahime smiled a little too as she continued to hug him.
"And...was it my fault that you two split up?" That's why you didn't want to tell me that he was my father? - asked Yoshio in a somewhat sad tone for having heard them argue
Utahime kept hugging him, caressing his hair and before answering he kissed his forehead
"It's not my life... It's not your fault Yoshio, it's really his and Me fault"— she looked him in the eye and continued explaining
"Sometimes adults separate from other adults because they begin to hurt us with some ways of being or because things simply don't work as one would think they would work or because... love ends... but you" She caressed his cheek and then lightly touched his nose with his index finger
"You weren't the reason why I moved away from your dad and I won't allow him to take you away from me," Utahime answered, looking into his eyes.
Yoshio sighed a little... those words didn't quite convince him... But there was a key word that would serve as a clue to try to fix all that
"And will I ever see my Dad again?" ... I say Saturron, will I see him again?" he ask, looking straight into his mother's eyes.
The look of that boy was so deep that she felt that he had to tell him the truth, otherwise his curiosity would continue doing his thing
Utahime swallowed. "Yoshio... Do you want to see Gojo again?" she asked, still hugging him.
"If I want, I want him to carry me on his shoulders again and I also want him to buy me many things like today and I want to play with him"— he smiled a lot
"Besides, my eyes tell me that he doesn't seem to be a bad man and I also want him to teach me how to defend myself against those creatures that come out a lot when I'm on my way to school and that annoy me too much." He smiled innocently and moved his hands a little imitating Gojo's finger movement
"I want to do what he did, it seemed more fun than praying to the kamis like grandpa does" he said smiling and looking at the ceiling
Utahime felt her heart break upon hearing that, for six years she had tried to keep Yoshio away from the world of Sorcerers And Gojo only made him uneasy with all that
Utahime remained silent as her son continued to stare at the ceiling with his hands raised
"I want to be as strong as him and even more so if I'm the son of the strongest sorcerer" he said with a big smile as he remembered Gojo proclaiming himself like that
Utahime breathed deeply... he couldn't take it anymore, the best thing was to rest
"Yoshi, what do you think if we talk about this topic tomorrow, ok? for now we must sleep" — said Utahime wanting to accommodate his son in bed, but he wanted to continue on his lap
Yoshio just made a slight grimace. "Okay... but can you sing me a little so that I fall asleep?" Mommy"
Utahime sighed and then drew a slight smile.
"I will always sing to you my life... I will sing to you until I die" Utahime said with a smile as he kissed her forehead and stroked her hair
She hugged him and began to hum a lullaby that his son liked very much...
02:00 a.m.
The hours passed and Yoshio managed to fall completely asleep for a while after Utahime sang that lullaby to him.
It seemed that his voice always calmed him and more than that night that boy dreamed of his father and of some things that could serve him in the future with the plan that he was already plotting in his playful imagination
Instead, Utahime couldn't fall asleep...
The questions that Yoshio asked him left him very thoughtful and by the way she was afraid that Gojo could keep that word of taking her son from him overnight.
He looked so serious in that decision to want to fight for him that Utahime felt too scared to remember the grip on his hands.
"Will I be a bad mother if I decide that Yoshio doesn't see Gojo?" she questioned looking at the ceiling
"But it wouldn't be good for Yoshi either... he already knows the truth and I don't think he'll change his mind, he's just as stubborn as I am in that sense..." she sighed thinking about how her little boy might feel.
He who slept peacefully by her side
For Utahime it wasn't fair that that idiot would come back and want to take her son just like that
But it wasn't fair to Yoshio either and more after I heard them argue
Utahime was also in his own dilemma
"Am I a bad mother for all this?" Should I have told Gojo this from the start? Was it always my fault? ..." she felt very bad for all that
But her reason kept speaking
"But I had my reasons to stay away from him... and for almost six years Yoshio has remained safe from curses, from bigwigs and from the whole world of Sorcerers And I really don't want him to have a life as a Sorcerer"— she said to herself looking at her little boy sleeping
"I wouldn't forgive myself if something like me happened to him..."— she caressed his scar — "or like my beloved students..."— he said with pain remembering those who died
She knew that the world of wizardry was Sorcerers and that was one of his main reasons for leaving Gojo.
In addition, that she distanced herself from him for being a womanizer, just remembering him in that situation with that woman made her heart ache and even more so now that she saw him again...
Utahime lightly stroked her son's hair.
"Sorry my love... maybe I'm not and I won't be the best mother in the world, but..." Utahime said in a very low voice.
"But if your father wants to keep you away from me... I promise to defend you tooth and nail" he kissed her forehead and then went back to bed
"Have I been a bad mother for these almost six years?" Her tears kept rolling down her cheeks.
Utahime was in a big dilemma motivated by fear
She was between:
Trying to talk to Gojo and make a deal for Yoshio...
But he knew that perhaps it would not be an easy thing because of his character
OR
Trying to run away again and if he did that again, he would literally do it so Gojo wouldn't take his son... going back into hiding didn't sound like such a bad idea when fear gets the best of you
She was really quite afraid of losing Yoshio
Although she knew that this time she would not count on anyone's help for this, because both her mother and Shoko would not let her run away like this
Also, it seemed like those two wanted her to finally talk to Gojo.
But in either case... something was very sure.
She had to speak to Yoshio with the truth...
"Am I a bad mother?"
She questioned herself again looking at her little one sleeping next to her... but she wasn't the only one with that question that morning
Gojo was looking for answers with Megumi
05:00 a.m.
"Megumi-chan!" Was I a bad father figure for you?" asked that sorcerer without further ado
Notes:
I just want to clarify that Yoshio Si has his own room, but this time he wanted to sleep in his mother's room