Line 3: Caught In A Bad Dream
"and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling..."
-I Carry Your Heart,
Line 3/4a, Stanza 1
by E.E Cummings
"They look nice." Naruto mutters.
He assumes they are market flowers that Sakura just so happens to have a nice pot for. There's no point in trying to figure out what kind of plant it is. Kunoichi were trained in flower arranging arts since the Academy and Sakura's best friend owns a flower shop. And Naruto only ever cares about plants or flowers when Hinata is mad at him. Other than that, a rose is a fern is a tulip.
Despite his lack of knowledge in horticulture, the future Hokage says what he feels.
"I think they fit, too."
Naturo waits for her to offer a comment to his praise. Whether he wants gratitude for his observance or a selfish display of self-confidence on her part, he isn't sure. Sakura's always been the smart one and he's kinda always leaned on her for mental approval.
When she doesn't so much as look over her shoulder to acknowledge his words, he shifts his weight self consciously from one hip to another and tugs at the glove protecting his 'natural' hand. The shrill wind of early winter passes between barren gray trees. Naruto reaches for his hair and holds it down against the gust to protect his head from the cold.
I should have taken that hat Hinata had.
He frowns as he looks down at Sakura once more. She's already dug through the frostbitten dirt on the ground. A sizeable hole sits to the left of a large nondescript stone. Sakura cradles the plant in her hands before carefully plopping it inside. It's an evergreen plant, Naruto thinks, something that will last the coming winter and ice that's already started to stick to the ground.
The idea to bring some color to this place seemed good when they made the plan, albeit out of nowhere. Winter is coming in slow, with no promise of snow. Temperatures steadily drop and crystal blues of frozen dew reflect off gradually forming icicles. The silvery gray bark of leafless trees stand in the backdrop of the surrounding area, making the world around them feel stagnant and motionless. Even though the beech tree for which they are currently under is technically an evergreen, everything just feels more dull.
A gravesite is depressing enough as it is without winter adding her icy touch.
This will definitely liven up the place.
Blonde brows twitch. Maybe not liven. Brighten?
Naruto rubs his hands together and looks out at the the sun balancing against the misty horizon amidst rolling clouds. Streams of light peak through and break the covercast though Naruto doubts it'll get much brighter or warmer than this.
Maybe I should have taken that scarf too, he inwardly laments and turns his gaze back to his friend.
Sakura came to their home some two days, requesting to stay because of some quarrel she and Itachi got into. Though Naruto still has no clue what could have caused such a reaction, if them doing this helps, he's willing to sacrifice time. He'd never turn down a chance to visit Sasuke.
It would be nice if she actually explained what the hell's going on though.
Sakura's already filled the hole on the left side of the unmarked grave. She's currently scoping up wet dirt to cover the twin shrub stuck into the ground on the right. The process is mostly finished, so Naruto turns away to look for the incenses she brought with her.
"I'll get the rest of the stuff," he tells her, not expecting an answer this time.
Chilly winds whistle around them and he's not exactly trying to carry his voice over it. There are reasons, mostly because it's quite early and he is still waking. More importantly, however; there's always some unspoken protocol for silence to show reverence and Naruto isn't the hyperactive, knucklehead ninja anymore. He's training to be Hokage after all, diplomacy lectures and politics have taught him the importance of decorum.
Somewhere deep in the branches, a morning bird squawks overhead. The blond looks up as he walks toward the bench near the beech tree, searching for the source of the noise. Above and not too far where he can't see, a lonely raven twitches and ruffles its feathers against the chill. The black bird calls out again as he shimmies closer down the branch where some sunlight hits. Naruto grins, understanding the bird's quest for warmth. He's not desperately cold but every once in awhile a shiver gets through the back collar of his coat. The blond nods in solidarity before continuing his task.
He spots Sakura's bag on the bench, half sticking out of it is a black box that he assumes are the things he's looking for. He pulls it out, making the bag flop open more, revealing something that gives him pause.
Blue eyes soften and Naruto purses his lips at the symbol etched into the cup and outline in gold. Moving the incenses box under his arms, he grabs the holder as well. The pad of his thumb brushes over the distinctive red and white uchiwa fan, bold against the blackness of the holder. Memories of childish bravado, challenges and competitions return. There was once a time where his eyes were always on his friend's back, always glaring at the clan symbol sewn into his shirt. Sasuke seemed to be ahead in everything, from training to trekking. There were many missions where Naruto's eyes had no choice but to stare at the uchiwa fan proudly displayed on the back of one who carried so great a burden.
Where did she get this?
A solemn respect washes over him. It's not that Naruto hasn't seen the clan symbol since his best friend's untimely demise. The eldest Uchiha, who Naruto will even call a friend, still sports the emblem. For some reason, and perhaps because of what he and Sakura are here for, seeing it etched into an incenses holder reminds him of stolen innocence. Naruto's stomach drops and he lowers his eyes to the matted grass beneath his feet.
I never felt you were better than me, Sasuke. But there sure were a lot of times I didn't have a choice but to follow your lead. Guess you knew that already, right?
The raven caws again, eerily in sync with his question. Naruto finches out of his reverie to look up. Another bird joins the first. The two speak together and shake the beech tree branch. Beady eyes zone in on their human audience.
"Hey...when did you get…?"
"Naruto."
"Ahh!" the blond screams, arms flare and he stumbles backwards, clenching the items to his chest
"Naruto!" Sakura yells.
Hands on his back, she shoves him forward to keep him from crashing into to her. The push sends him stumbling on his feet until he catches his balance in a hunched over position. He tucks the items into his chest less they fall and peeks over his shoulder.
"S-Sakura?"
"Yes!" the medical ninja deadpan, "Who else did you…"
Another caw stops her mid sentence. Green eyes drift above then oblique at him.
"The birds? Really."
Naruto gathers himself enough to stand and defend is earlier blunder. "They were looking at me." he stresses, "I didn't even hear you finish or move. All I heard was 'Narruuttooo'. I was confused."
"I didn't say it like that though."
"That's how I heard it!"
Sakura levels a disbelieving look his way then folders her arms over her chest.
"Sometimes I find it very hard to believe you're gonna be the voice of Konoha one day," she teases, " But….you know, they say ravens are a bad omen."
"Sakura!" Naruto squeaks, an unnatural feeling of dread zigzagging down his spine.
The last thing they need is anything bad or any omens at all!
She ignores his protest and opens the slick black box, plucking scent sticks between her fingers.
"I've also read that they are messengers of the dead, especially if they travel in pairs."
"Messengers of the…?" This peeks his curiosity. Fear forgotten,Naruto looks behind her at the unmarked grave and widens his eyes. "Really?" he questions.
"Of course," Sakura assures, rocking on her heels as she nods.
A part of him hoped their friend knew what they were doing for him and that he wasn't forgotten, even if Konoha didn't honor him with a proper grave.
For Naruto, the folklore resonates and he crosses his arms over his chest in serious concentration. "Raven and crows are basically the same bird. Crows are Itachi's thing so maybe the Raven is…"
Sakura giggles, stopping Naruto's rational. It's a muffled but pretty tinker at first that blossoms into a full on chuckle when he looks crossed.
Blue eyes meet green and Naruto finds himself grinning at the wistful smile on her face. It helps that the wind catches her hair in a carassing breeze so gentle it barely disturbed the nature around them. She's let it grow out, nearly to the small of her back and her low ponytail sways behind her. Against the background of gloomy grays and browns, her bright green eyes, soft pink hair and tickle of chiming chuckles adds more vibrancy to this place than any plant or incene or holder ever could.
Naruto laughs as well, shaking his head at the ridiculousness of the situation and the odd peace that follows familiarity.
They both hoped for a different outcome.
They both wished Sasuke was still alive.
Any semblance of his presence they wanted, be it bird or body.
When the chuckles die down, Sakura sighs and nods to the tree branch.
"They're still there," she informs.
Naruto checks and sure enough, the two birds sit next to each unaware of their audience.
"Do ravens carry messages to and from the dead?"
"I don't see a reason they wouldn't."
Naruto's eyes swing to her as he asks, "Would you leave a message if you could?"
Sakura's face twitches in odd places, an expression that wants to show is kept by restraint. Instead, she shrugs one shoulder and tucks hair behind her ear.
"Maybe." her voice is calm and in control but not harsh by any means. "Do you want to set those ups?"
Naruto turns fully to her and looks down at the incenses and holder still in his hands. Sakura gestures to them and looks up at him. "You can do that part."
"Are you sure? I mean, this was your idea Sakura."
She shakes her head and pulls the collar of her coat further up her neck, hiding her lips on down. "You do that while I get the other stuff."
Sakura steps around him to get to the bench next to the beech tree. Naruto nods, following her instructs and kneeling down before Sasuke's tombstone.
"Where should I set them up?" He asks.
"Anywhere you think looks nice." Sakura calls over her shoulder.
Naruto grimances slightly. He has never been the kind of guy to properly understand when something "looks nice". With exception to when his wife gets extra fancy, looking nice to him usually ends with just throwing stuff anywhere.
He places the items down with care, scratching the back of his neck and surveying the area.
Hinata would say something like 'it looks better off to the side'...but Sakura's already put the plants there.
For a second he just stares at his best friend's final resting place. Slowly his hand comes to rest on his thighs as the events that led all three of them to this point come rushing back. The senseless war, an act of retribution and a modern miracle that brought the dead back to life at the expense of killing his brother.
And Sakura.
I want to do this right. For her.
Cautiously he eases the cup towards the middle, in hopes that she will like it. Naruto takes great care with getting out the incense. He sits the tray next to the cup as well as the active charcoal for which to light them.
If ravens did carry messages to the dead, Naruto whispers in hopes Sasuke is listening. He drops the final incense in the decorative holder, presses his hands together and says a quiet prayer.
"Most of your life, you lived in darkness. Hopefully these will lead you to the light. You can thank Sakura for the help…"
"Thank me for what?" Sakura asks and settles next to him on the ground with two boxes in hand.
"I was leaving a message." Naruto replies, "Maybe it'll get through today."
"Maybe," Sakura absently replies as she removes the lid of a bento.
Blue eyes gaze curiously and Naruto raises a brow at the rows of cherry tomatoes all line neaty. "You brought breakfast?"
Sakura grunts and shakes her head.
"Not for you," she halfheartedly comments, then sits the box on the other side of the incense.
Naruto opens his mouth to retort but pauses when she lays a couple talismans on the headstone and, finally two small stones to keep them from blowing away.
"There," Sakura confidently concludes then sits back on her heels.
Both of them eye the place where Sasuke's body lays. Silence surrounds them for a brief moment and not even nature makes a sound. No wind, no birds, just the two of them in Konoah's cemetery just after dawn.
There's peace in it. A kind of acceptance of reality that allows them both to bask in the fact that Team 7 is somewhat united again. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke all in the same place but on different planes.
"I can't believe it's been five years already." Naruto says. Hushed. Astonished.
Sakura nods slowly and hugs her elbows. "It's been a long time hasn't it…"
The blonde looks obliquely at her smaller frame swaddled in a warm red winter coat. She fiddles at the loose strands hanging from zipper pockets and eyes the ground. With nothing else to do to keep busy, Naruto notices the lines of sadness on her face. How much older and wiser she looks under the morning sun. More than that, how much he owns her and what he can never repay. Naruto can only watch her for so long before looking away. Maybe she just misses him. Maybe Sasuke's shown up in her dreams again. Naruto isn't sure exactly what she's wrestling with but it's something. The fact that he can't do anything (because she won't tell him anything) reminds him of things he should have long since been over. Older griefs and broken promises tug at his heartbeat. He squeezes his knees, pressing blue eyes closed.
"I'm so sorry, Sakura." His voice cracks horribly. "I should have…"
"Don't you dare," Sakura sharply cuts in. Sighing, she lightens her tone, "Please, Naruto. We've been over this a thousand times. We did what we had to do. All of us."
Naruto clears his throat, then tilts his head in her direction. "I know but…"
She looks up quickly and shakes her head. "There's no use dwelling on old promises."
"It wasn't just an old promise! I wanted to bring him back, Sakura. You have to know that."
The smile she gives is both heartbreaking and encouraging. Sakura softens her eyes and places her hand a top his. Instantly his body relaxes and he leans instinctually in her direction.
It's not a lot but it's something.
"Of course I know, Naruto." she reassures him. "But even if you did...things wouldn't have been like they used to be."
Naruto knows she's right. Sasuke was beyond all of them at that point. But knowing all of this doesn't make it hurt any less. He nods anyway because it is true. Because Sakura is actually talking to him and not staring blankly in the distance like she did at his home for the last two days.
"Sometimes I wish it wasn't real." Naruto sumizes.
"Me too," Sakura whispers, "but five years is a long time to hurt."
"Has it stop hurting for you?"
"No," Sakura quickly remarks and follows it with a resolved huff. "Just a little less everyday I guess. I have good days and bad days….bad weeks...bad months. It sucks that's for sure. But it's where we are, Naruto. It's all we are."
He hums at the wisdom of her words, comforted by how much Sakura's moved pass phases of grief.
Hearing you say that...I'm glad for you, Sakura. He thinks.
Naruto turns his hand over, palm up so that their fingers lace for comfort. The sun slowly crawls up the sky. He gives her hand a squeeze and she returns the gesture in kind. They sit in silence once more, gazing ahead but lost in their own thoughts. As time passes, his friend presses closer to him, then rests her head on his shoulder. He lends her his strength to let her rest. Even if he never finds out why she stormed his home in the middle of the night. He'll be here for those silent fears and unspeakable situations. He'll be here for her as long as she needed him to be. That's what partners do. They are there for each other. Though nowadays their missions are mostly solo. Sakura being Itachi's guardian and him training to be Hokage, Team 7 will always be Team 7. No mission or death or marriage or duty would change that.
Naruto parts his lips to say just that but bites down on his tongue to keep it inside. Perhaps now is not the time. Instead, he tucks her head under his chin. Sakura's other hand grabs his forearm and she curls closer.
I hope you know you can always come to me when things get tough. You don't have to suffer alone...whatever it is.
Maybe his feelings get through. Naruto hopes Sakura feels his need to ensure she is alright. The only thing that ever gets her this down is the person they are reverencing now. Sasuke was a precious person to both of them. While he can never understand the lost of lover, he knows lost well, even the lost of a friend.
You did more than any of us….and protected all us in the end.
"I never did properly say thank you." Naruto muses aloud.
The medic ninja tilts her head just enough for him to see her quizzical look. "For what?"
"For saving us," he answers and quickly adds, "Stop looking at me like that, I'm serious."
"You don't have to thank me, Naruto. We all did-"
"I do," he insist and squeezes her hand tighter. "Please let me say this? I've been thinking about it alot and I know none us sacrificed more than you did. Everyday I see Hinata and Boruto, I think about the dreams you gave up to do what was best for the village. Now that Hinata's pregnant again I just..I want you to know much I appreciate everything you've done."
Sakura's gaze is unsatisfyingly blank. He hit a nerve. He can tell by the way she stills completely. Which was it? What did he say that made her go ridgid on him?
Naruto unconsciously holds his breath, hoping that she's caught his true meaning. She watches his eyes for a few more seconds before hiding her own from view.
Silence follows them once more and Naruto looks longingly and regretfully at the top of his friend's head. Feeling even more useless than before, Naruto opts to do nothing at all but be a leaning post. That seems to be the best course of action.
After a few seconds, she gives his forearm a gentle squeeze. Sakura holds him tight and, in a voice much softer than earlier she answers.
"She is having another baby, isn't she?"
Naruto sighs at the way she avoids his show of gratitude. He looks ahead at his best friend and brother's grave.
"...Yeah, she is."
Naruto expects Sakura to follow up with something but she doesn't. It's odd for her to be so quiet. Maybe some of it is because of where they are. He reasons it's more because who they are here for and whatever else's got her down. Naruto tries not to be impatient. The urge to reassure and reassure again compels him to do something. He fights against the fidgets and keeps still for as long as she needs him too. Time isn't a factor for he's already lost track of it.
His muscles tingle with numbness by the time Sakura pulls her head away, keeping her arm and hand locked with his.
At length, she tells him solemnly, " I appreciate your thanks but I don't really need it. Sasuke made his choice and I needed to make mine. If the situation were different and we did lead the life I wanted, I still would have done the same if Sasuke decided to betray the Leaf. I took an oath as a medic and as a shinobi."
She pauses long enough to glance and smirk at him. "So don't you go feeling sorry for me. I'll be okay. Besides, you're about five years too late to be issuing heartfelt thanks."
Relief quells some of his worries but Naruto hides his deeper fears and agrees for the moment. "Yeah I guess you're right. Better late than never."
"Of course I am," Sakura retorts, "Plus, you have more things to worry about than me. You're gonna be a dad again. That's big news. Poor Hinata."
Naruto readies a retort but the statement only tugs at things he's curious about. His mirth at her teasing falls flat in light of more questions, questions he wants to know answers to. The blond hesitates and slouches a little as he thinks over how to phrase it.
Sakura must have noticed his change in disposition. She pulls her body away. The lack of heat makes him shiver. Naruto looks down as she looks up with furrowed brows and a tug of a frown.
"What?"
The blond doesn't answer. He can't met her eyes yet either and lets his gaze drift towards the slow burning incenses.
"What?" Sakura asks earnestly, leaning to catch his eye.
Naruto chooses his words with care, drawing from tactic training. "I was just wondering...about your mission."
She pauses.
Naruto chances a glance in her direction. There it is again, like shudders that slam over her true feelings, keeping him far far away from the real reasons they are here.
Sakura stares intently at the ground. "What about it?"
So this is about the mission…He contemplates.
The topic is somewhat sensitive, though he knows his longtime teammate will disagree. She'd say it's not a big deal, that it's just a mission that's almost over anyway. But Naruto's seen her cry, knows the way she questioned her decisions throughout the mission. He's comforted her when grief came swiftly and reassured her when insecurities made her feel inadequate.
Even still, Sakura will say it's all a part of being a shinobi just so he wouldn't worry. It never stopped him from doing so. Even more so now that he knows that's why she's been so withdrawn. Something happened, something she won't say that has to do with mission. Sakura wouldn't have come to him if she didn't want him to do something. That much he knows though the something eludes him. But if he says the wrong thing, it may set off a Sakura bomb.
She'll get defensive if I say what I want to say.
"Naruto?" Sakura insists, "What is it?"
He can't not say it now, though. He's already opened his mouth.
I really gotta watch my mouth sometimes...
Naruto looks at anything but her and scratches the back of his neck. "I was just wondering how the you two were getting on that's all?"
It's not a complete lie. Naruto has a hundred questions. This one just seems the less likely to cause Sakura's temper to flare.
He feels more than sees her scruity. Naruto makes a point to look at a shifting branch above them. Sakura pulls away from him completely, pulling herself to her feet and dusting melting dew from the back of her coat.
For a moment Naruto thinks he's overdid it. On instinct he readies himself for a burst of temper or smack to the back of the head.
I shouldn't have said anything.
Sakura stretches her arms high over her head places her hands on her hips and seemingly ignores him in favor of loosening stiff muscles.
"We're better," she finally says, "We're working better together now, would be more accurate. Itachi's not such a bad partner, overall, I guess."
Well, that was unexpected. "Oh. So...you two aren't fighting?"
Sakura's brown twitches in a way that says everything and absolutely nothing. She mutters to herself too quiet for him to make out the words then shakes her head. Naruto watches the way her face cools into indifference, something he's noticed she's learned over the last few years since this mission started. Sakura's matured in many ways, and perhaps she doesn't see how some of Itachi's mannerisms rubbed off on her. Yes, she's still Sakura. Naruto would bet that she's thinking a ton of things right now. They hardly show, though. For him it only makes it more obvious.
Sakura only tries this hard when faced with a dire problem.
Naruto pulls himself to his feet, dusting off ice and shaking his legs to loosen his pants. He's adjusting his jacket when Sakura finally speaks.
"No," his friend admits and grimace. "We're not exactly fighting, more like vehemently disagreeing."
But they are something.
"I'm sorry, Sakura." Naruto blurts, unable to hold back anymore.
Sakura shakes her head. "It's not your fault."
"I can't fix whatever it is…"
The jounin medic snorts and sniffles. "You can't fix everything, Naruto. Somethings people have to fix on their own."
"Yeah but you're not just people, Sakura," he stresses, "You're my best friend, my sister the closest person to me besides Hinata. I want to help you."
She stays silent for a long while, then finally speaking. "You did help. I appreciate everything you've done for me. But this is something I'm going to have to figure out on my own."
"So this isn't all about Itachi, then?"
Sakura bites her lip and turns her head completely away from view. Naruto holds back a sigh, feeling suddenly shut out again. All he has his pieces, pieces and expressions that his friend has never been that great at hiding. Sakura may have adopted the stoic Uchiha mask but underneath she is still is best friend. He knows her.
Did Kakashi give her a new mission already?
Sakura exhales and much to his relief, relents. "Kakashi shared something with me...something about Itachi that I think he wants me to...to fix."
"How to fix?" Naruto pauses and frowns. "Did he tell you how?"
"Just the desired outcome and a possible way to achieve that desired outcome. But that can't be the only solution. There has to be another way…"
Naruto nods. "Is that why you were so angry? Because of this problem? Is that why you and Itachi are…" he pauses to remember the phrasing she used but Sakura supplies it for him.
"Vehemently disagreeing?"
"Yeah that."
"Yeah. To be honest, most of this is Kakashi's fault."
Naruto huffs and crosses his arms. "Sounds about right. Kakashi-sensei loves, meddling, giving information without actually saying anything."
"...with bits and pieces..."
"But there's always a reason, right?" The blond offers hopefully.
Sakura shivers and crosses her arms, then looks down at Sasuke. "I suppose..."
"What's gonna happen after next year?" Naruto hedges closer to the thing he originally wanted to ask.
Naruto watches his friend carefully, waiting for some kind reaction to his question. Sakura only shrugs and takes a step back.
"I don't know yet," she admits.
"Oh,"
Naruto hides his mild disappointment. It's half an answer to half a question. On the one hand he's concerned about the village. On the other, he wonders about his closes friend's happiness. Before he can rephrase, Sakura's already turning away from him and walking towards the bench to get her things.
"I have to get to the hospital," she announces and shoulders her bag. "You can stay here if you'd like. The genjutsu over this place will let Itachi know you're still here and when you leave."
Surprised, Naruto raises a blond brow. "He knows we're here?"
"He always knows," Sakura informs with a hint of something, "There's monitors all over this section of the cemetery and Itachi's chakra fuels the genjutsu keeping the Uchiha section of the cemetery hidden. Any unfamiliar chakra signature that manages to registers past the genjutsu automatically alerts Itachi, Kakashi and me."
"Oh…"
Sakura gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulder and a light smile. "Don't look so worried. Itachi doesn't spy, just senses that you're around. Anyways, I really should go before things get too crazy. Thanks for coming with me this morning...and everything else. It means alot."
Naruto nods in agreement. "Yeah no problem. It really looks nice and I'm sure Sasuke appreciates it."
Sakura leans in for a hug. They embrace for a few seconds before she pulls away and juds her chin to the sky.
"Maybe he did send the ravens to show approval."
Naruto looks up to see if the two birds are still lingering there.
The branch is empty and when he looks away, Sakura already has her back to him.
"Yeah," Naruto says abscently, watching his best friend as she walks away.
"Maybe he did…"
Hopefully it's not a bad omen…
Sakura arrives at the hospital early enough to avoid questions as to why she's set up a futon in her laboratory office downstairs. By the time she makes it back to the main building, Honoka is already lingering in the hall next to the ICU double doors. From the time of Itachi's miraculous resurrection, the young woman went from intern to resident medic, capable of handling her own cases but often refers to her mentor when things were unclear.
As of now, Sakura's entrusted her with the overnight care of the young boy exhibiting similar symptoms as Itachi. It's just as well since Honoka was also her right hand with Itachi after the war.
Sakura slows strides, watching as Honoka paces in small circles with a clipboard nearly glued to her face. A familiar action, something Sakura does when things are complicated. Honoka's picked up more than just medical jargon and suture dressing from her, which only leaves the older woman wondering.
Should I be worried? Sakura thinks and closes the distance between them.
Honoka doesn't miss a beat, looking up with wide brown eyes and a fixed frown.
"Sakura-san thank god!" she says and shows the new entries on the boy's chart. "Please tell me you have something about what this could be because last night was awful!"
The pinkette seizes the chart and flips through. "What happened?"
"Mild stroke. His blood pressure was through the roof and we couldn't figure out what was causing the reaction. " Honoka bites her thumb nail and gestures at the ICU doors. "I induced a coma and he's stable but I'm not sure if that was the best course of action."
"What meds did you use?"
"Propofol."
Sakura tongues her cheek and rereads the EEG report from before and after the seizure.
Itachi never had a stroke. Did I miss an aneurysm in his brain? How can he have so many blood vessels so messed up at once?
She sighs, flipping through papers, comparing data mentally with the new information presented.
No medical history, no serious illness prior but a stroke in such a short period of time! If we don't figure this out soon, we're gonna lose him before I can even get my hands on a proper cure.
Honoka clears her throat and chuckles nervously, "And, um, one more thing. The parents…"
The way the brunette looks at her makes Sakura want to tuck tail and run. Because Honoka has never been good at hiding her feelings, not that she would. If the young woman is giving her that look (of unfeigned symptony and mild relief), it could only me one thing.
"Aw no," she whines, "Please tell me their not those kind?"
"When we told them about the stroke, they nearly refused all of us from entering the room, demanding we wait until you come back. They don't want anybody to touch him."
Sakura groans and scratches her head. Being the top medic in the entire village always comes with drawbacks (obviously), namely the constant request for her presents or only her offering treatment. Flattering as it may be, her duties extend well beyond treating patients now.
"Where are they?"
Honoka nods at the door. "The mother's inside and the father left to get blankets and breakfast."
Green eyes watch the door with disconnect.
I hate these conversations.
Against the sinking feeling in her gut, Sakura offers the way out. "I'll talk to her,"
"Thank You," Honoka breathes a sigh of relief.
"All in a day's work, right?" Sakura teases, "Meaning you get used to these things, Honoka. People are always going to question you."
"I know," the young medic admits, "I just don't like it."
"Go check on your other case load" Sakura soothes. "I want to meet everyone on the team in about three hours. Think you can round up the crew to the meeting room by then?"
"I've done most of my rounds so I'm sure I can."
"Great. The quicker we can solve this medical mystery the better for all of us involved."
When Honoka leaves, Sakura mentally prepares herself for the awful conversation ahead. The delicate balance of patient needs and doctor competence presents a unique challenge, specifically for her. She understands from years of experience that people are blind when they panic.
As she opens the door to ICU, Sakura keeps this truth in mind when she goes to the last room. No soon as she steps a foot in the door, the mother's head jerks up from its nestled position on her son's bed. She freezes. Sakura watches as a plethora of emotions play across her face. Relief. Fear. Anger. Happiness. Joy. Uncertainty. Hope. Each lingering for a moment than flickering to next in sunken bloodshot eyes.
This woman hasn't slept at all, understandably so. But Sakura has to keep her composure and gauge which of these extreme emotions she will land on. Finally, after several seconds, shock gives way to relief. The mother's lip tremble and her eyes glass over with tears. Quickly she ducks her head, squeezing the white sheets in her fingers as she shoulder's shake.
"T-thank you so much" she huffs out between tears, "I was so worried they wouldn't call you...but you came…. Thank you, Sakura-sama!"
Gratitude. So much gratitude.
Oh dear. This will be harder than I thought….
Sakura takes several more steps into the room, going to the woman's side and offering her hand for comfort. The mother leans into the touch on her back, shaking as she cries her sorrows and worries. Sakura lets her get it all out, express her grieves before pouring the proverbial ice water all over her sorrows.
Because while Sakura understands that panic makes people do and say crazy things, she will not stand for her team being belittled by anyone.
"And then...then she said they gave him meds and look at him!" She exclaims. "My son was awake and talking before you left for the night. They did something to him and now I can't...I can't hear his voice anymore…"
Sakura has hope, as her tone isn't as nastiest she's heard. Still…
"Haijin-san," she interrupts before insults make her less empathetic, "Did Honoka-san explain to you why your son is in a medically induced coma?"
The mother comes up short between sniffles and looks up at Sakura and then over to her son. "Honoka-san...that's the little one with the short hair, right?"
"Yes, that's right."
"Yea. That one said Kai had a stroke and that the coma would protect his brain or something like that and-,"
"That's correctly," Sakura cuts in, "Doctors will usually do this if the patient has a stroke or any kind of condition, known or unknown, that could put the brain at risk of damage. In Kai's case, his stroke put him at risk of brain damage and the cause of the stroke is unknown. Honoka performed a...preventive procedure to keep him stable and avoid any more strokes in the future."
Tired eyes gain new life. Sakura takes a half step back as the woman sits up full and offers her full defiant attention.
"Preventive procedure? To stop what? She never explain any of this. She just said it was necessary and made my baby a vegetable!"
"He's not a vegetable." Sakura stresses then tries to soothe. "Kai is safe. Stroke patients are usually at a higher risk of having another if something isn't done. Honoka is a well trained medic and she knows that."
Before Sakura can finish her explanation, the mother vehemently cuts her off.
"Kai didn't have signs of a stroke until after they came in and checked him. He was fine. I'd just talk to him."
The pinkette offers a pleasant smile. "Strokes can be sudden, Haijin-san. Your son has a number of enlarged blood vessels. It's possible that there are some in his brain that caused the stroke. Because we don't know what's causing his body to react this way, there's no way of gauging when these vessels will burst, as was the case last night."
"Okay, yes, but these people….!"
"Are highly trained medical professionals, Haijin-san." Sakura jumps in, "We have an entire team working very hard to heal your son. Trust me, you have one of the best general physicians looking into the well-being of your son."
"You mean Honoka-san," the woman answers bitterly.
Sakura nods sagely, treading carefully put sternly, "Honoka is nothing short of the best, my student, and well on her way to being my predecessor if I ever choose to retire. She knows what she's doing."
The woman's face scrunches in disbelief and looks away at her son. "...The best of the best would be the best medic in Konoha. I just want my son back, Sakura-sama."
Sakura nods in understanding, sensing the fight leaving before it really starts.
"Trust me, I understand. But I need you to trust them. These people, every person on Kai's team wants to get him back, including me."
The other woman doesn't reply at first. She wipes at her tears with one hand and holds Kai's hand with the other. After a few moments, the woman mumbles at her son but the words are definitely meant for Sakura.
"What about chakra?" her plea is desperate and Sakura can understand the presumed misunderstanding. "Isn't medical chakra supposed to be superior to traditional medicine? Why hasn't that cured my son? Why haven't you...used it?"
A question that Sakura gets often and an answer that she knows will leave her patient's mother underwhelmed.
"There are limits, even to chakra, Haijin-san. We can heal fractures, mend wounds but I can't magically cure your son from an unknown agent. It simply doesn't work that way."
Haijin-san pulls her hands close to her cheeks, pressing it there most likely for comforter.
"Maybe," she whispers steely, side glancing at Sakura and then away. "You should find something that does work that way."
As silence drags on, Sakura takes the hint of her waiting to be left alone.
"Of course, Haijin-san." Sakura doesn't need a louder que to leave the room. She bows gentle and takes a step back. "Honoka-san will be back to check in later."
The mom purses her lips and squeezes her son's hand but offers no answer.
Discreetly Sakura backs out of the room, exhaling as soon as the door is closed.
"It could have been worse," she mumbles to herself and quickly leaves the ICU for her office, which doubles as her sanctuary.
She gathers papers then retreats to the lab that will double as her new residence for the time being. Naruto and Hinata were very sweet, taking her in as she raged that night. The newly pregnant woman made her tea and food, fixed up the guest room and ensured that she is never a burden. Sakura would have stayed there as long as she could if not for the constant reminder of why she left home in the first place. Any other day, Sakura would have loved to see Boruto's chubby and curious face. But not now. She couldn't take that kind of reminder.
So her lab suffices as a hiding spot until she figures out what the hell her next move will be. Sakura knows that she can say no in two months just like she did yesterday. She can let this ridiculous idea brew over and then kill it when her waiting period is up. That doesn't make her any less angry that a group of people attempted to plan the course of her life. That Kakashi agrees makes it worse. That Itachi did nothing amplifies it. That she can't even lament her frustration at the stupidity of this plan to anyone but those who concocted or condoned the damn thing pushes her over the edge.
Because of the mission, always the mission.
The mission. The mission. The mission.
She doesn't know what Kakashi is planning or thinking. Honestly, she doesn't care about him or her partner. The only thing, at this moment that's sure is the need to find a cure for Kai. So Sakura pushes Itachi, Kakashi and her two month deadline out of her mind and focuses her attention on something that makes sense.
For the next two weeks that's exactly what she does. Most of her time is spent in the lab, hunched over a microscope in her makeshift homes in the basement of the hospital. When she's not in the lab, she monitors Kai. If neither of those things are available, she checks on other patients. Anything to keep busy. Anything to avoid going home.
Anbu will be there. She reasons.
When Honoka comes, informing her Itachi's looking for her, the head medic tells her to tell him she's busy. They repeat that song and dance, Honoka acting as ferrier between them. A small part of Sakura feels for her fellow medic because Honoka is close to both of them. She and Itachi are proper friends. Ever since his time in the hospital they have developed quite a relationship. If there is anyone at the hospital Itachi trusts, its Honoka.
Sakura knows that and uses that to her advantage now.
So Honoka, like a good friend, tries to mediate. But Sakura can't deal with him now, choosing to barricade herself in her workspace and keep everyone out.
A do not disturb sign goes up, warning Honoka and everyone else to stay away. Instructions were left for Kai's care and the pinkette sets to work on blood samples.
Sakura isn't sure how long she's been locked in her lab with one eye pressed to the eyepiece of her microscope. It's long enough to have accumulated quite the styrofoam collection of take out and empty chip bags.
At the moment she blindly pats at the stainless steel table for the bag of chips not far away. She can't bring herself to look away from the microorganism interacting with Kai's blood. But an aching stomach hellbent on finding something to fill it, forces her to pull away.
"Great!" she hisses with no real steam behind it and pushes her rolling chair away and to the left of the microscope. The blood sample and bacteria doesn't have much reaction to the chemical she's doused it in anyway. A little break will not hurt, especially not one for snacks.
The chips weren't that far away, tucked behind a notepad. It gives her an excuse to stand and move about. Sakura's back cracks horribly at the sudden motion. She groans and stretches out her arms and shakes out tension in her legs, then grabs the chips for a much needed snack. Sakura eats and paces around the lab, sighs in contentment at the nourishment and gazes at her surroundings for no particular reason other than passing time.
Sakura looks at the ceiling, then reaches up to tug at the pair of shorts hanging from her man made clothesline. She licks her fingers and stuffs the half finished chip bag under her arms to pull down her dried clothes. It's in that moment someone dares to knock on the metal door. She pauses her motion as she peers over her shoulder to see if it will stop.
They don't.
The person currently ramping up the knocks clearly wish to test the limits of her patience. Sakura growls and forces her shorts from the clothespins, trying her best to ignore her unwanted visitor.
Finally, after almost a minute of pounding, it stops. The pinkett sighs and goes back to feeling if the rest of her hanging clothes are also dry.
Bang!
Sakura flinches in fright and drops her chips on the floor. There's a huge ass dint right in the middle of the door.
Bang! And another one.
Bang! And another.
"Sakura, open this goddamn door right now or I'm two seconds away from breaking it down!"
"Shishou?" clearing her throat, she speaks a little louder less her lab be open for the public. "I'm coming! Just..just give me a few seconds!"
Sakura makes quick work of her clothes, yanking them down and tossing them behind the partition onto the cot. She hastily rubs at pink flyaways from her crudely made low bun then kicks the fallen bag of chips and its spilled contents under the table before running to the door. For a moment she frowns at the three fist imprints in the door then opens it without another moment's hesitation.
Tsunade doesn't wait to be let in. She pushes past Sakura into the lab, hands on her hips looking around. Sakura closes the door after her, then follows the older woman further into the lab. Her former mentor makes a show of snooping around, picking up vials, flipping through notes and wrinkling her nose at old takeout.
"Shishou, I thought you were on vacation?" Sakura asks, while discreetly pushing a styrofoam container behind a stack of books.
Tsunade turns slowly to face her, eyes narrowed and critical. Sakura knows this look, knows when her former teacher is analyzing, searching and evaluating. At the moment, she is the subject of such scrutiny. It makes her fidget under such intense attention and Sakura finds herself flustering and looking away.
"I was on vacation," Tsunade speaks carefully, full of motherly skepticism and crosses her arms. "But Kakashi called me back here."
The confession instantly puts Sakura on the defensive, sensing where this may be going. She really does not want to go there.
"Why?" Sakura questions for conversation sake but there's a bite to her tone.
Tsunade seems to ignore this.
"Apparently, Konoha's topic medic has gone missing. I'm guessing he may have been worried. Know anything about that?"
Sakura smacks her teeth and rolls her eyes.
"I didn't go missing, Shishou. They know where I am and what I'm doing here. They didn't need to send you to get me."
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, narrowing her eyes as if looking at her former teacher.
Tsunade's brow raises almost mockingly. "Oh?"
"Yes," Sakura stresses, turning away from the heavy skepticism Tsunade sends her way. "I'm very busy right now and they know that. I told them that."
She turns to the table and straightens the same books her takeout hides behind, trying to make her workspace look a little neater and give her hands something to do other than twitch every so often.
As soon as she gets a chance, Kakashi is going to know exactly how she feels about this meddling.
The Godaime strides closer and pucks at a piece of trash. In a voice far too sweet to be serious, she expands her accusation and leans into Sakura's personal space.
"Too busy for Naruto, too?"
Sakura feels herself tense. She pauses for a moment with a book in her hands then carefully places it on top the pille. She's not ignoring her best friend and teammate per se...she just doesn't want to see him now.
Sakura winces and mumbles. "Naruto...Naruto knows what I'm doing too. He's knows I'm working. I'm on the cuffs of something here, Shishou."
When Tsunade sighs, Sakura tries perking up, tries changing the subject to something more pleasant and stable. Something more within her control and in her current comfort zone.
Quickly, she turns away from her books and ushers her former mentor towards her work. Sakura grabs the first vial and hands it to Tsunade.
"I'm sure Kakashi told you. There's another patient presenting to the hospital with the same symptoms as Itachi but much worse. We've managed to lessen the inflammation of blood vessels with a new medicine I concocted but I'd hardly call him cured. I've been testing his blood and bodily fluids against every known virus and bacteria we have. I'm moving on to fungi now just in case his illness came from that too."
"This is all fine and great, Sakura..." Tsunade tries to cut in but the young woman keeps up her rambling, louder and more frantic.
Sakura scrubs a hand through her hair and directs Tsunade to open medical text.
"Even though I'm running through all kinds of microorganisms, I'm thinking it could be a genetic thing, since it's still in Itachi's body. If it were a bacteria or a virus, it should have died by now."
She flips through pages and keeps her eyes away from Tsunade. "There are lots of blood related diseases that fit the symptoms. I have to test all of them first before I can…"
"...Sakura…"
"...come up with a definite conclusion and cure for his…"
"...Sakura…!"
"...illness. Or maybe it's not even a blood disease, maybe some other kind of…"
Tsunade pounds a fist into the table edge, leaving the same fist imprint as she had in her door. "Sakura! Stop!"
She does shut up then, heart racing, eyes wide at the undone state of her former mentor.
"Just stop it Sakura, I know what you're doing."
Sakura shakes her head childishly and speaks slowly. "Yes, I'm trying to find a cure for Itachi's-"
Tsunade growls and glares. "Do you think I'm an idiot, Sakura? You think I can't see what's going on here and why you've been drowning yourself in work for the last two weeks?"
Sakura fumbles with her hands as she tries to explain and force down the feeling of being caught. "I haven't! I'm doing my duty." Sakura rationalizes and challenges, "I have a patient that requires much more of my attention right now. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Save lives? That's why I'm here. That's why I've been stuck in this lab for god knows how long."
"To save a patient? No. This," Tsunade gestures towards the mess around them, "is so you can barricade yourself in this lab that smells like stale tempura and sweat! Perfect place to hide from citizens and colleagues and friends, who worried about you!"
"I'm not hiding!" Sakura yells and stomps her foot as tears threaten to fall.
Tsunade doesn't even flinch at the action. "The hell you aren't. I've known you since you were twelve years old, you're not fooling anyone with this crap. I know the difference between avoidance and medical curiosity."
Adamantly Sakura shakes her head at Tsunade's words and the pounding in her ears. "Shishou, I,"
Tsunade cuts her off, "Save it! I can look at you and see you've hardly slept. The dark circles under your eyes are so black, you could rival Gaara. You've lost weight. Your hair looks greasy as hell, like you haven't washed it in days."
The shaking gets worse. She cries against her own will, thick warm tears in streams. Biting her lip, she grinds out a warning.
"Please stop.." Sakura whispers, begs.
"I've been a medic a lot longer than you, kid. I know neglect when I see it." Tsunade snorts and gestures at the woman before her. "I know what it looks like when a shinobi struggles with an impossible choice. You're not the first and won't be the last, Sakura."
The pinkette squeezes her eyes shut, to force her tears to stop and her breathing to regulate and her thoughts to settle.
She knows. Sakura thinks, a suddenly relief washing over her at not being alone. But her annoyance kicks up as Tsunade keeps picking, keeps digging and prying and pulling up carefully laid bricks for the wall she's trying to build around her heart.
"Even more, the fact that you would insult me like this, as if I'm some idiot. You're talking to a woman who's cradled her lover as he died in her arms."
"Shishou!" the cement floor cracks under her feet as her emotions threaten to loosen her chakra control.
Had it been anyone else, they would have tucked tail and run. But Sakura knows she can't intimated Tsunade away. She knows the woman can probably beat her to the ground and back. It's frustrating and infuriating, making her feel helpless as if she were twelve years ago again, blane and useless.
'Don't you start' she warns herself. But the seed is there and blossoming and it burns. Tsunade just keeps rapid firing in her ears without thought for what it's doing to her inside.
"I know what it's like to be forced into a position you don't want to be in. I know how it feels to be handed a mission you don't want to take. You think it was easy for me to become Hokage knowing it was something my lover wanted? Do you know how much guilt I felt at the thought of filling a position that was never meant for me? We all have to do things we don't want to, Sakura. Hiding from it won't make it go away."
"That's not the same!" the pitch of her voice manages to silence Tsunade for a moment, "How can you even compare being Hokage to what Kakashi is asking from me?"
Her mentor lowers her voice this time, "You can make the argument that its not the same but my point still stands. You're just going to keep ignoring it in hopes that it goes away?"
"I'm not ignoring anything!"
"Bullshit! That's bullshit, Sakura, and we both know it!"
They both glare at each other. Steel brown eyes against glistening green, Sakura meets her Shishou's temper blow for blow.
"How can I? How the hell can I ignore it when every goddamn day I'm working my ass off to save Itachi's life! Every blood sample, every glance in a microscope, every failed test reminds me that I'm throwing myself into curing the man who killed Sasuke! I've been throwing myself into saving him for four years and now Kakashi wants me to give the rest of my life to being the mother of his children! No. No!"
Sakura spreads her arms wide and flicks her wrist at the many samples scattered about. "I'm doing my mission, I'm finding a cure for him and my other patient. I've done my part in this. Kakashi's just going to have to find another solution. And if he can't then I will."
Much to her surprise, Tsunade smiles. "So there is some spirit left in there?"
Unable to think of anything else, Sakura furrows her brows and utters a confused. "Huh?"
The older woman grabs the nearest stool to take a seat. Arms folded, she levels honey coloured eyes her way and smirks.
"When Kakashi sent for me and told me you'd been locked in your lab, I though for sure we'd lost you with your new mission. Admittedly I was concerned this mission was too much for you to handle, but maybe you can prove me wrong with that determination to find a new path. What? Did you think Kakashi came up with this plan on his own?"
"Wait," Sakura holds up her hands to stop the one woman at this new found revelation. "You too? You agreed to this?"
"No." Tsunade says quickly. "I've never liked missions like this but I understand their importance. After all...I was a victim of one."
The news floors her and Sakura quite literally goes down, sitting on her butt at the news. Tsunade a victim of a mission like this?
"Wait. So you...you were asked to do something like this too?"
The blonde huffs, then rests her elbow on her knees. "Not me but Dan. You can understand why. The Senju line started to dwindle, mixing with other clans. The village wanted the chance to have Wood Release survive and I...I was the only direct descendent of the one person in history to use it."
Tsunade chuckles, closing her eyes with a smile. "So. When they saw that Dan and I shared an interest in medicine, they approached him the mission, which he accepted. But things didn't quite go as planned for several reasons…"
When Tsunade opens her eyes again, Sakura catches the faraway look. "What happened?" she presses.
It doesn't take much pushing as Tsunade willingly tells all. "For one, these missions are done in secret. Usually only the person the mission is given to knows that it is a mission. To make it feel more...real. Dan wasn't supposed to tell me but he did. He said he wanted our love to be genuine. I believe it was. Naturally I was angry but I couldn't say anything. Revealing that I knew Dan's S-ranked mission could put him in a bad position. The Third Hokage suspected that I knew something...but before anything the could be done about it, there was war. Then Dan died...and I left. I never gave them the opportunity to that to me again."
Silence follows her words. Sakura pulls her knees in and stares ahead, absorbing the information. Of course she never knew but hearing it givings an entirely new layer to everything. Kakashi told her that she wasn't the first to be presented with this mission but Tsunade and Dan never came to mind, Actually, she could not think of anyone that fit the description of a mission like this. Now, it makes sense.
But it's so wrong. Love shouldn't be forced. It should be natural.
She frowns at her thoughts, replaying Tsunade's story in her mind, noting some similarity. Dan was convenient. He and Tsunade already had a history. They worked together to achieve a goal and that shared experience was enough for Lord Third.
Just like me. But not at all. Tsunade loved Dan. Itachi and I...
Her shoulders slouch. Sakura glances up to see Tsunade watching her intently.
"So?" she prompts, "What's it going to be?"
Sakura shrugs, "I don't know what to do. I don't even know what this is."
Tsunade nods sagely. "I figured. That's why I told Kakashi if he decides to go through with it, make the both of you aware. The Sharingan is important but you are just as important as any dojutsu, Sakura. And Itachi is smart. I know the both of you can figure this out if you tried. Hiding from it like this isn't the way."
"I was hiding!"
"Uh-hn. Doing research, right? I know about your patient. I know you have a lot on your plate. That's why Kakashi sent for me, to give you a little encouragement and your new new mission...or lack thereof."
"What?"
"You've been ordered to take a mandatory furlough." Tsunade says offhandedly. "Don't argue with me, girl, just listen. You're taking a furlough for one month. No hospital or any kind of mission like duty. You're going to do some landscaping jobs around the village.
"Landscaping?" Sakura gawks. "I can't landscape!"
"No, but you can break stuff and landscapers need that." Tsunade smiles and pats her on the shoulder. "Yamanaka has already been informed and, as part of your furlough, you're going to help at the flower shop in the mornings. There are plenty orders for the new gardens being planted and they need someone strong to ferry around arrangements."
"Who's going to run the hospital? What about Itachi? What about...everything?"
"I'm filling your spot at the hospital. You better be damn grateful because you're the only person in the world I would do this for. As for Uchiha, Kakashi's informed me he's accepted his other mission of working on the Compound. He has a strict schedule, which means he will be under constant surveillance except at night. As for his medical condition, you can thank one Honoka Kotonoha for agreeing to be his PCP."
"Honoka?" Sakura questions.
Tsunade grins. "Apparently she comes highly recommended by you. Since she has cared for him before, it's only natural. So your only active duties will be when the both of you return home. Kakashi waved the need for a mission report and only wants a health report, which will in turn help me with your new patient. Got it?"
Sakura sits stunned, unsure of how to respond. A furlough? Of all the orders, she's never once been mandated to take a break. The timing is too convenient, effectively forcing to do what she's been doing for the last two or more weeks but made more official. It's just one thing after another. Sakura isn't quite sure where to plant her feet with this.
What are you doing, Kakashi?
"Sakura?" Tsunade calls, stepping closer and kneeling down to her height.
"Yes?"
Golden eyes lend wisdom. Tsunade offers her hands as stability, holding her shoulders as if to ground her in reality.
"Take the furlough." She instructions.
Sakura doesn't have it in her to argue.
A/N: I promise I will be more consistent with these updates. It has just been a crazy season. I really wanted this to be up before Christmas but, well, we can all see that wasn't the case. This chapter was literally at 15,000 words at first so I had to do a lot (ALOT) of editing. Because I actually want this story to make sense, I spent quite a bit of time taking out unnecessary dialogue and exposition.
ANYWAYS, Line 3 is here and mostly from Sakura's perspective! Don't worry, Itachi will be back next chapter (that will hopefully be out sooner rather than later). As always, please let me know what you think! Comments and suggestions (and corrections) are always welcomed! I love hearing from you.
-CeCe ^^
Word Count:10,970
Musical Inspiration: 'Bad Dream' and 'Deep End' - Ruelle, 'Breathe' and 'Soldier' - Fleurie.