Chapter 325: Qualm
n. an uneasy feeling of doubt, worry, or fear, especially about one's own conduct
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The fan on Temari's back dug into her shoulder, her gaze jumping between each of the chuunin hopefuls. Smothering a gulp, she unconsciously gripped her battle fan closer while her eyes darted around the room searching for the familiar red hair of her youngest brother.
Her ears buzzed as battle tension rolled through her body like a crashing wave. She hadn't seen Gaara in almost a month and the last she had seen of him he had been unravelling like a threadbare blanket. His bloodlust barely kept in check as he dissociated from the events around him. She wasn't sure what was keeping his demonic side under wraps.
Doubts whirled through her mind as she turned her attention to the stands. Countless civilians of all ages and ninjas of all ranks roamed around the teeming arena. Kagome's plea to consider the civilians swirled across her thoughts, joining the doubts already rampaging unchecked in her mind. Suna and its people were important to her, but weren't these people as important to Konoha? Temari sent a side glance towards her spikey haired opponent. Didn't Konoha mean as much to him?
Maybe Gaara was right about staying away from everyone before this mission…
Gaara appeared between his siblings in a flurry of sand, moments before the tournament was set to begin. Kankuro jumped in the air, and he scowled at Temari who hadn't visibly reacted at all.
Kankuro took a calming breathe slowly through his nose before tilting his head towards Gaara, keeping him in his peripheral vision. After a moment's observation Kankuro's brows drew downward in trepidation and his lips curled in concern.
Gaara's gaze was locked on the ground, his teeth grinding while his nostrils flared. A shiver ran down Kankuro's spine as he connected this posture with Gaara's more murderous side.
Kankuro took a moment to take intentional breaths, turning his attention away from Gaara. Breathing in on a count of three, before slowly releasing it through his mouth. He repeated this procedure several times before gaining courage to look back towards Gaara. Surprise lilted across Kankuro's face.
Gaara's lower lip was captured between his teeth, trapped in a bruising vice, a more violent version of Kagome's nervous habit. Gaara appeared to be… balancing. Saner than he'd appeared since they left for Konoha. In a flash of insight, Kankuro considered for the first time what Gaara was truly fighting against.
Gaara felt the stadium around him sway, as his vision blurred around the edges. Mother's deep growl murmured in his ears, her drawl nearly lulling his exhausted and shattered mind to sleep.
His eyelids drooped low. His vision blanked out for an indeterminate amount of time before he reflectively dug his sharp fingers deeply into his biceps to shock him awake. He dug his teeth into the soft flesh of his bottom lip fighting off the inviting blackness.
In one last bid to stay in the present, Gaara dragged his eyes towards the small window in the room. He winced from the brightness of the window before ravenous eyes took in the crowds above. He wasn't aware he was looking for anyone until he found his eyes locking onto an individual with long black hair.
"She's not here," muttered Kankuro. Gaara's eyes snapped to his brother, a clenching feeling tightening his gut. "She doesn't need to be here."
She was abandoning them? A rage simmered in Gaara's chest while his blood boiled, as well-known loneliness sunk into his bones. Gaara was grateful his fight was up next; he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold onto his tenuous sanity.
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