Gwen's Bedroom

April 7, 2000

2:30 AM

Update note:

I re-read this chapter a couple days after I posted it and thought I dropped the ball at the end. One of the comments mentioned how the song titles were cheesy attempts at messaging (and thanks for that, by the way!) which got me thinking. I made a mistake in expecting the reader to look up the lyrics I meant to emphasize, that kinda blows the timing of the story. So I'm updating to put them in. Live and learn, right? Thanks for your patience.

- X - X - X -

The cool wind whipped at her hair as she dodged another stray tree branch, racing along in the night on a pink disk just below where the trunks of the trees exploded into tangled balls of branches. She risked a quick glance over her shoulder, but didn't see her pursuer. That didn't surprise her, though, she knew he was back there, closing in. She smirked to herself, though, she had a few tricks up her sleeve to ditch him. There! She saw the clearing in the barely budding branches she needed coming up, and sent the disk rising through it to get above the tree tops where she could turn on the speed. Just as she did, a green flash lit up the woods, and she laughed, wondering what form it would be this time?

As she cleared the tree tops, Gwen angled the disk as she made a hard turn to the left and sped away. She knew her magic would keep her on the disk as she started to zig-zag through the night, but Ben told her once she looked way cooler by tilting it in a turn, and she'd been doing it that way ever since. The thought made her laugh. She looked back expecting to see some flying thing, but he wasn't there. She knew this was too easy to have gotten away, so she started scanning the sky around her.

Only to feel something crash into her from below followed by a gleeful "Gotcha!", making the disk vanish with the shock. She closed her eyes in a moment of panic, until she felt the familiar sensation of arms around her back and underneath her knees, keeping her from falling. She instinctively turned in to whatever it was and wrapped her arms around what she knew would be a neck. Feeling cool, smooth scales, she finally guessed it was Big Chill, and opened her eyes to make sure.

If Gwen had any doubts the thing was her Doofus, one look at the mass of lenses that made up the bug's compound eyes revealed the familiar deep green color of his eyes. Seeing that, and feeling the arms supporting her, she felt as secure and safe as she could ever imagine, and she relaxed into the bug's chest, and looked around.

To see they were heading straight for the tree branch canopy. When they got within 20 yards, Gwen started shouting "Ben! Ben! BEN! TURN!"

She felt the bug chuckle from its chest into hers, and then he wrapped his wings around her just before hitting the branches... and phased through them as if they weren't there. He even deliberately fell through the center of a huge tree trunk, the stinker! She hadn't flown much with this form, and forgot about the phasing - and that anything the wings protected would phase, too. The feeling of passing through solid objects was awesome!

They fell another few seconds, and the wings snapped open and buzzed to life just ten feet above the ground in a clear space between some trees, and then lightly touched down.

The wings stopped, but he didn't put her down. Instead they stayed there as Gwen laughed in relief, then changing to simple happiness. She felt the bug's chuffing again, and she wondered if he felt her heart racing. After a few seconds, she said "You can put me down now."

"Nuh-uh." Chill's raspy voice said. "Gotta wait to time out. You might still be phasing." It was a weak excuse, especially since he'd never brought it up when they'd done it before. But Gwen wasn't in a hurry to let go, either.

It didn't matter. Another five seconds went by when they heard the familiar sounds of the Omnitrix timing out, and in a flash of red Ben was back to his human self. But he still didn't put her down, and Gwen was surprised that he had the strength to keep holding her up. She tightened her arms around his neck and huddled tighter into his chest, only to help him keep his balance, of course. She still felt secure and safe, feeling his heart beating and his deep breaths, and admitted to herself she didn't want it to stop.

And then he did put her down, and the scene changed drastically.

As her feet touched the ground, she felt him push her away, hard enough that she stumbled before she regained her balance. The early spring chill was replaced by a deep, bitter cold, and the branches that had the beginnings of leaves and flowers became dead, almost deadly looking spikes. Gwen turned as her happy, contented smile transformed into a hurt grimace, not comprehending what could make the scene change in such an awful way so suddenly.

She finished turning and faced Ben, to see the happy boy who's smile she loved was now staring at the ground with a tragic, broken look, tear tracks running down his cheeks. His stricken look broke her heart, what he said sent her into despair.

"I thought I knew how you felt. But I was wrong, so I won't keep hanging on you. I'll leave you alone now." He looked up at her with a sad, broken look, whispered "It wasn't a game", turned and walked away, shoulders slumped.

Gwen tried to shout "Ben! No! Come back! I need to talk to you..." but the words wouldn't come out. She tried to run after him, desperate to turn him around and hug him 'til he understood how she really felt, but her feet wouldn't move. As he faded away, she fell to her knees, hands to her face, as she finally was able to sob out "Ben! Don't leave me! Please don't..."

Gwen woke up tangled in the sheet, calling out "... don't leave! Please don't go!" She shuddered, then jerked upright with a gasp, and sat in confusion, taking heaving breaths as she adjusted to where she was. Her heart was racing as she recognized her room, weak moonlight filtering through the window. She saw the red numbers of her alarm clock - 2:37. The middle of the night, she barely got four hours of sleep before the nightmare came this time. It was far more intense than the old ones, and it was exhausting. She knew she wouldn't feel like she slept at all when morning came. She never woke up in such a panic from the "regular" nightmares. The details of the dream, good and bad, were burned into her thoughts.

Why?! What made them start back up? Her situation with Ben had gotten so much better since January. That couldn't be it, could it? Or was it the bits and pieces she heard of the rumors about her at school, the ones that got more vicious the longer she ignored them? Maybe it was their upcoming trip, and how the one last summer ended so tragically? Whatever it was, the dreams and terrors had made sleep scary and difficult, and were messing with her attitude and concentration during the day. Why couldn't she make them stop?

Even though her heart had stopped hammering, and her breathing was back to almost normal, Gwen was still terrified. Terrified that she wouldn't get back to sleep. Terrified that if she could, the nightmare would come back.

Terrified that the dream could come true.

- X - X - X -

Gwen's House

April 7, 2000

6:45 PM

She was trying her best to stop from sliding further into a foul mood. She really was. She stayed quiet while Ben was rambling about an upcoming release of a new Sumo movie after her Dad asked something about plans for this year's summer trip with Grandpa. She just stared blankly out the window as they drove home. This has been a really shitty day so far, don't let it ruin movie night, Gwen thought, surprising herself with that particular word. But it was true, and the thought that it ended a string of similarly awful days threatened to put a dark scowl on her face. She was starting to believe life had singled her out and was making her miserable out of spite. It seemed like the days had become one messed up situation after another.

Except karate afternoons. The time she spent with Ben in class, even if all she did was have brief conversations, or watch how he continued to progress, made her feel happy. And it was fun watching him get to know Paul, ever since their birthday. It was more than just his knack for chit chatting with almost anyone, she was happy for him that he was making a friend.

And Fridays had become kinda special. They hadn't missed one since the beginning of January, even after Uncle Carl had his little freak out. After the Christmas card episode she was suddenly in demand by her classmates, and she did some after school things when she could fit them in. A lot of her time in school and out was spent with Michelle, but Fridays were for them, her and her Doofus. They were something to look forward to at the end of the week.

But today was different. Even after the nightmare, she slept fitfully at best, tossing and turning the rest of the night. By morning the details of the dream were mostly gone, and the nightmare left her with a dull, empty feeling. With that start, she had been feeling off and cranky all day. Even Michelle had commented on it, going so far as asking if she recognized she was acting a bit bitchy, and the rest of that conversation was better left alone. Especially since she had to admit it was true. Every little irritation made her more aggravated, more prickly, to the point that other than her best friend, from lunch on she actively avoided interacting with anyone else. She had hoped karate would improve her attitude. She snorted to herself. So much for that.

As they drove, Gwen replayed the events of their class today. She had sparred with Ben for the first time this week, and it hadn't gone well. She went at him hard and fast, using techniques that he barely had started to learn and were more aggressive than he was used to. She knew he wasn't ready for them, but she couldn't seem to stop even as she tried holding herself back, and he didn't block all her punches very well, taking some glancing hits. They both had gotten used to getting and giving bumps and bruises while practicing, but she knew she gave him some pretty bad ones today. One particular sequence was more than he could defend against, and the last left jab got past him completely unblocked (as it was intended to, actually) and landed almost full force on his right shoulder when she failed to stop it after realizing she had overwhelmed him. It rocked him back a step or two, as he put his left hand up to it with a stunned look in his eyes. One that shifted quickly through anger to a heartbreaking look of hurt, even as she fell back to a ready stance before she realized what she had done. Sensei called the end of class then, and all the kids stopped, turned to him and bowed to acknowledge it. She hurried to straighten up and turned to Ben, and she could see past his rumpled gi that the bruise was already forming. Gwen took a step towards him saying "Oh my god, Doofus, I am so sorry!" completely forgetting how Sensei disliked the word.

His hurt look was immediately replaced with a forced grin as he replied "No worries! I don't want you going easy on me! I'm OK." He couldn't hide the confusion in his eyes, though. Ben straightened up his gi, turned and started walking to the locker room.

Gwen took a step after him and desperately called out "Ben, wait!" He stopped and looked tensely over his left shoulder. "Your Dad will be here in a few minutes. I'm still coming over, right?" he asked with a mostly neutral expression. But the hurt had returned in his eyes, and the fear she hadn't seen since the beginning of January flashed over his face. She could only nod, and was almost overwhelmed with relief when he relaxed a bit and gave her a tight smile back and said "OK. I'll be right out."

She was about to follow when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Gwen turned towards it, to see Paul standing there with a concerned look, dropping his arm. "You might want to let him be for a few minutes. You hammered him pretty hard, you know he's really close to losing his shit. I'll bet he's gonna feel that last one for a couple days. ... Are you OK?"

Gwen ducked her head, unable to answer the question. She soldiered through, though, saying "You heard him, he doesn't want me giving him a break." She picked up her head and looked directly at Paul and continued with pride "My Doofus is stronger than you know!" Then she said softly, almost to herself "I have to figure out something to make it up to him."

Paul nodded but still looked concerned. "Yeah, I know. Ben's a tough little SOB. The bruises aren't a problem. But I'm not sure that's true about how he got them." She had started to walk to the locker rooms, but turned at his tone and saw him waiting for her to respond to his unanswered question. She so wanted to give him one, but didn't know what to say. It didn't matter, there wasn't time anyway. Instead she said "Don't worry, Paul, we'll be fine."

As she headed to get her stuff, Gwen heard him mutter "I hope so."

They got home and got ready for dinner, pretty much like usual. Her Dad noticed how he was favoring his shoulder when Ben winced at picking up a serving bowl. "Looks like you took more shots than you gave today, Ben. You going to survive?" he asked with a grin. Gwen cringed along with Ben, who ignored the question by answering "Eh, it's no big deal. I've had worse. I was just a little slower than I should have been with a block." He glanced at her while he was talking, and she caught a glimpse of the same look of fear and hurt he had when class ended. She almost blurted out that she was sorry right then, but gave him what she hoped was an apologetic look instead.

After dinner, when they had gotten to her room, she closed the door and turned to him and locked her eyes with his. "Ben, about this afternoon." Gwen could feel the blush that went with her embarrassment. "I am so sorry about hitting you like that!"

He stared at her in silence for a few seconds, then asked "Yeah, what was that about? Even last summer you didn't go after me like that." They both grimaced at the memory of thatfight... "I almost thought you were pissed off at me, but I don't know why..." The confusion on his face made her feel miserable.

"No! You haven't done anything!" Gwen walked to her bed and sat down on the edge, looking at the floor. "I can't explain, I don't know why I acted like that..." Her voice fell, and she could feel her eyes welling up. "I didn't sleep much last night. I've been on edge for days, and today was the worst! Everything set me off today."

Ben sat down next to her on her left, facing her. "Even me, huh?" and he laughed softly. "Go figure."

She looked up with relief at his reaction. "Especially you, Doofus! I've told you before that you're always messing things up!" She looked at his shoulder, and gasped when she saw the edge of an ugly purple-blue splotch underneath the loose collar of his T-shirt. "I didn't think it would be that bad!" she whispered.

Ben tried to brush it off "Pssh! Like I told your Dad, it isn't.", but he flinched as she brought her left hand up to it. She placed it gently over the bruise and whispered for her magic and her hand lit up with a soft pink glow.

"At least I can make it hurt a little less. I really am sorry!" she sad softly, as the glow surrounded his shoulder. She was relieved when Ben waved his hand and said "Don't worry about it." When she took her hand off and tugged the collar of his shirt out of the way a little, the splotch was visibly faded. He still winced, but said "Yeah, that's better."

He looked up from his shoulder with concern on his face and in his voice. "How long have you been having them?"

"Have wha..." she tried to argue, but he cut her off.

"Dweeb. Please!" he said with a little snort, and a raised eyebrow. "I know what you're feeling. The nightmares?" as he raised the pitch of his voice a little.

"A little over a week." Gwen was looking at the floor again, but something about how he said that made her pick her head up. "Are you having them too?"

He shrugged. "I get 'em once in a while still." He stopped as if thinking what to say next. Then "If I'd known, I would have brought Furry Freddy!" he grinned.

His attempt to cut the tension worked, Gwen laughed and said "I'll let you know if I need him again!"

"Got any new songs? I don't feel like playing Sumo, and I don't have a movie ready. Unless you brought one?"

"Nah, I don't have one either. I've got a couple new songs I recorded, though, and some others I've been thinking about. You can help me decide which to do. Let me see your computer."

This time it was Gwen who snorted. "What do you need that for?"

"Just let me use it." Ben sighed. She unlocked it and started a new browser, and he sat at her desk and started typing. In a minute or so he finished, faced her and made a show of pushing the Return key and said "Vy-ola" with a smirk. Gwen had arranged the pillows like usual and was just sitting back in her normal place when she heard that. "It's pronounced 'wa-LA', you dork! Your brain bugs know that!" she giggled.

"Yeah, but I hate the sour cherry taste I get when they're working."

"That's what you taste? I get a kinda buttery flavor when I use French.

Êtes-vous sûr de les utiliser correctement?"

"Oui, je sais comment fonctionnent les bugs!" Ben replied with an eye roll as he sat back next to her. "Can we listen now?"

As they were talking, his version of Til I Hear It From You started playing out of her computer's speakers. Gwen shot him a surprised look, "What are using to do that?"

He smirked again. "Napster. Duh! You're not the only one who knows how to use the Internet."

She opened her mouth to say something, thought better of it, and simply said "Touché".

"Stop that! I told you I hate that taste!" with a mock frown. He snorted, then they both broke out in giggles.

Then she leaned back and closed her eyes to let his music take over. The song finished, followed by Everlong. He did a great job with both, although she would still prefer to have him play for her. The dinky speakers couldn't do justice to the music, but it was better than her phone. Even though she recognized the tunes, she couldn't remember all the lyrics. It didn't matter right now. Ben told her he didn't pay attention to the words to a song. Most of the time. She still wondered if there wasn't a message there, anyway.

Everlong finished, and Ben said "Let me know what you think of this next one." A guitar instrumental started up, but he wasn't playing it. It had a fast, bouncy sound that grew on her as she listened. "That's ... kinda cool, actually. Not your usual style, though."

"Yeah, I heard it on the radio a couple times and I got hooked. It's called Cliffs of Dover. Awesome guitar work!"

"You can do that! You should definitely learn it! It's a happy song!"

"Uh huh. I thought you could use a few. Wait for the bridge, though..." In a moment the melody changed, and a solo started that turned out to be way cool, but really tricky. "That's gonna take a while..."

There were a bunch more like it, a mix of his songs (without the 'sob fest' ones, thanks for thatsmall mercy!), 80s and 90s rock and a few more guitar instrumentals, in a playlist Ben called 'Mindless happy songs for the Dweeb'. The little brat! But they worked. After her horrifying nightmares, and prickly, aggravating day at school, and the nagging, strange feelings she'd been experiencing lately, her Doofus had done it again. Made her feel good, even after she smacked him around, after she hurt him. Gwen thought again that she needed to make that up to him, but now it was more than apologizing. She wanted to do something nice for him, they way he did for her.

Gwen shifted on her bed, bringing her feet up under her legs, and ended up leaning against his left shoulder. Her right arm ended up on top his left, and she put her hand on his arm just above the Omnitrix. Ben didn't seem to mind, so that's how they listened to the music, occasionally talking quietly about whether or not he should learn whatever was playing. The conversation didn't really matter.

Aunt Sandy got there a little before 10:00, so they got up to go downstairs. Gwen gave him a quick hug and started to say "I'm sorry" again, but Ben stopped her. "I know, you don't need to keep saying it. Just don't do it again, or you'll be looking up at the ceiling!" He smirked at her outraged smile, and they walked down the stairs.

Ben winced as he put on his jacket, and his Mom said "Ben! Another bruise?" Her Daddy snorted and said "Yeah, must be a bad one, Sandy, it kept him from taking thirds!" Ben just groaned and rolled his eyes as her aunt started out the door, saying "Lili, Frank, thanks again for having him. Bye, Gwen!"

Before he could follow Gwen grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze and said "See you later!" He squeezed back saying "Not if I see you first!", and looked very pleased with himself.

When she went back to her room, she wondered again how she went from having such a bad day to feeling good, and not worried about having the nightmare tonight. What was it about having him here? For no good reason she thought again if there was some message in the songs, and she couldn't help looking up the lyrics to the two new ones, and started the playlist again. There couldn't be, she thought, he's not that complex. What you see is what you get with Ben Tennyson. That's what she thought a year ago, anyway. But he'd surprised her a lot since last summer. As the music played and she read the words, the confusion she thought was fading wasn't gone after all.

Come down

And waste away with me

Down with me

Slow how

You wanted it to be

I'm over my head

Out of her head she sang

And I wonder

When I sing along with you

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You gotta promise not to stop when I say when she sang

"Oh, Doofus", she whispered to herself "what are you doing to me?", and felt a tear slide down her cheek.

- X - X - X -

Notes:

Music for this chapter:

Everlong by the Foo Fighters

Til I Hear It From You by the Gin Blossoms

Cliffs of Dover by Eric Johnson

In the background while I was writing:

Cryin' by Joe Satriani, and Crazy for This Girl by Evan and Jaron