SECRETS PART 2

Natasha held every breath behind clenched teeth as she inched closer to the old but sturdy barn. She didn't walk directly In front of the doors but stood off to the side and pressed her back against the structure. She closed her eyes and listened to what was happening inside, to the old moans and groans of at least a dozen footsteps. They were all uneven and shuffled, fitting in with the patterns she had learned from her time in Atlanta.

The dead were inside.

Natasha let out a steady breath and pushed off the wall. She walked back over to Dale who stood a couple feet away. The look on his face was worrisome. Like he was waiting for the bad news.

"So…? Please tell me Glenn was just pulling our leg," Dale said.

Natasha shook her head. Dale wasn't the only one who wished it was all a bad prank. "Sorry, Dale. Glenn…" she began slowly, staring down at the ground. She spoke her following words quickly to get them said and over with. "Glenn was right. Walkers are in the barn."

The devastation on Dale's face was evident but also short-lived. He quickly came to terms with it and tried to think of the right words to say about the situation. Or, more importantly, what he will be saying to Hershel.

"Where's Hershel now?" Dale asked after a second of thinking.

Natasha gestured her head towards the stall. "I'm sure he's in the stable right now," she said.

Dale nodded and placed a hand on Natasha's shoulder, bringing her along with him as they headed for the stable.

Once there, they saw Hershel standing by a horse. The same horse that Daryl brought with him and lost inside the woods.

"She came back?" Natasha asked as they stepped inside the musty-smelling stable.

Hershel hardly looked up as he tended to the horse. "Found her in her stall this morning."

Dale grabbed some hay and held it before the horse for her to eat. He gave a nervous glance to Natasha first before speaking to Hershel. "We love your fields. Natasha and I took a walk this morning and…found ourselves by the barn," he said with a strain in his voice, gauging Hershel's reaction, which was just a steady and cool stare. "I heard the moans."

"That's unfortunate," Hershel said in a steady voice.

Natasha placed her hand on Dale's shoulder before speaking up. "I know that you have your reasons for keeping this a secret."

Hershel quickly interjected. "I saw the broadcast before they stopped, saw the irrational fear, the atrocities. Like the incident at my well."

Natasha felt herself stiffening. There was a harshness to Hershel's voice. It was like he was daring her to speak against that matter. Natasha wasn't at the farm when they took out the Walker, but she heard about what happened from Lori. "Then…you all must've saw two different things. My people put down a Walker. What…did you see?" she asked calmly, not letting herself lose her head. She needed to stay calm. To keep a clear mind and just listen. If she can listen, then she can understand.

"I saw your people kill a person." There was something surreal about how he said that. It was almost insane that Hershel still thought of the Walkers as people. It was…idiotic to believe they were anything but people.

"And I…have taken down many Walkers. Call them what you wish. You may have heard the broadcast…but you didn't live it. I was down in Atlanta when things…got bad. I can't even describe it to you. The Walkers were attacking people. They're dangerous," she tried to argue.

Hershel finally stopped looking over his horse and stared Natasha right in the eye. "A paranoid schizophrenic is dangerous too. We don't shoot sick people."

Natasha felt a burning sensation in her gut as she stared at him with wide eyes. Anger boiled inside her, but it was still low enough to where she could talk without it being seen or heard. "No... those kinds of people are more of a danger to themselves than to others. Schizophrenic people don't rip into a person and chew on their insides. Don't you dare compare the two." Her words were harsher than expected, and she hated that she nearly lost her temper.

Hershel closed his eyes tightly but didn't say anything. Instead, he just decided to listen to what Dale and Natasha said.

"With all due respect," Dale began. "You are cut off from the outside world here. But I've seen people that I care about die…and come back. And they're not people." He tried to convince him, but it felt like arguing with a brick wall. He knew he was getting nowhere.

"My wife and stepson…are in that barn. They're people." Hershel finally opened up, but only a little. Natasha knew just by his look alone that he still wasn't convinced, but at least she understood why he couldn't be swayed.

Hershel was in denial.

"I'm sorry." Dale said once the information settled for him. "Let us help. We can speak to Rick. He's a good man. We can make the barn more secure, keep everybody safe."

Lies. No one is ever safe if Walkers are still in the area. Something always gives away…and tragedy always follows soon after.

"The barn is secure," Hershel argued. "Keep this to yourselves if you want to help. Rick is a man of conscience, but are you so sure about everyone in your group?"

A heavy feeling washed over Natasha at that moment, and an image of Shane popped into her head.

Despite talking to Hershel and being upfront with their worries, it felt like they didn't get anywhere. The only thing that was confirmed was that Hershel was living in denial. Yet, there was still some logic to the insanity. Knowing that half his family was inside that barn, Natasha couldn't blame him for hoping that someday…they could be saved.

Natasha let out a deep sigh and stared into the crackling fire. The smell of cooking meat wafted to her nose as she inhaled. Cooked spam. It wasn't really her favorite, but right now, the scent brought her some sort of warm comfort.

Just as she was about to prepare herself a plate, she looked up and saw the nauseous look on Lori's face. The woman had pulled her hair over her nose and turned around, walking away from the smell of meat.

Natasha sighed deeply and sat her empty plate down. She saw that Dale had noticed too, but she signaled to him that she would take care of it.

She followed Lori to the edge of their camp where she sat down on a small log, slightly gagging to herself and trying to keep everything down. Lori noticed Natasha approaching but didn't move as the young woman walked in front of her, kneeling down below eye level.

The look in Natasha's eyes was sincere and knowing. At that moment, Lori realized that she already knew about her situation.

"Are you feeling nauseous?" Natasha asked gently, her voice just above a whisper. She placed a hand on Lori's knee and held eye contact.

Lori nodded sharply. "Yeah. Did…did Glenn tell you?" she asked immediately, dropping her hand on Natasha's and holding it tightly.

"Yeah. Both Dale and I," Natasha said, offering a small, sheepish smile. "What do you expect? Poor guy can't keep a secret to save his life."

Lori snickered a little at that and lowered her head. Her smile fell fast. "I…haven't told Rick. I can't." She moved her hand up Natasha's arm, stopping on her shoulder. "And you…already know why."

"I do. Because of Shane, right?"

Lori took in a shallow breath and spoke in a throaty voice. "Look, I thought my husband was dead. And I felt like I died with him. And I…I wanted to feel something…anything," she rambled on until Natasha suddenly held her face between her hands. It was such a gentle gesture that it made Lori stop talking immediately.

"I know. I know," Natasha said gently. Sounding completely understanding. "You thought he had died…so you seeked out someone who shared his memories. I know you might hate yourself for it, but trust me…I understand why you did it."

Lori sighed and felt her lips quiver. The guilt was overwhelming and suffocating, but she found solace in Natasha's words and her presence. She had never said this before, but she appreciated Natasha more than anything. In her kindness and reliability. She didn't judge anyone and just listened and learned. Even though Lori hated herself, she welcomed the fact that Natasha didn't look down at her.

"I have to ask…" Natasha began, putting both hands on Lori's knees. "Do you know…who the father is?"

"It's Rick's," Lori said without hesitation. "None of the rest matters."

"So…why are you worried?"

"Memories are what keep me going now. Memories of what life used to be. And I…I've got a deep well to draw on. I still remember joy," her voice started to crack as she continued. "But I think Carl's well is already running dry. And this baby? The baby won't have any good memories at all, only fear and pain."

Natasha listened and took in a sharp breath. She slowly rose to her feet but kept her hands on Lori's knees, holding eye contact and speaking in a firm, calm voice. "Lori…you can't think like that. You can't have that kind of mindset. I know what having that kind of mindset will do to a person. It…destroys them. I don't know if you're aware…but I had a very rough childhood. I was self-destructive and was just…waiting for something to take me out. And what made it worse…was that I had no one to lean on. My parents died when I was very young…drowned themselves in the ocean. I saw it with my own eyes as their heads slowly sank below the surface. They…" Natasha halted her words and bit down on her lips. She saw the shocked look on Lori's face and knew she had to continue. "They were found days later…and I was alone from then on."

Lori didn't know what to say. She was utterly speechless and didn't have the slightest idea. By looking at Natasha, she never would've guessed she had lost so much at such a young age. "I'm…I'm sorry."

"I had no one to pull me out of my depressive rut. I was heading down a dark path that didn't have a future. So…I decided to pull myself out. I made moments that matter to me. They were small, but they were mine. My…small moments meant the world to me." Natasha smiled a little as she recalled these tiny moments in her life. These small memories of joy. "My first paycheck…first car…first apartment… I was happy because I did that all by myself."

Lori found herself laughing a little at this side of Natasha she never thought she's see…but felt so blessed to hear. "What did you buy with your first paycheck?"

Natasha looked at her and smiled sheepishly again. The kind of smile that was a little childish and guilty. "I went to my local burger joint and got myself a two-person meal…and then I went to the shoe store and bought myself a pair of runners. Man…I wore those things into the ground. So much that the soles popped out when I was trying to run away from a couple thugs. Didn't even notice until I was hiding behind a trashcan," Natasha said with a smile.

Lori was crying, but it was a mixture of relief and shame. She still felt upset about the prospect of the baby's life, but also a little giddy to hear about Natasha's own life.

"My point is this. Life is vastly different than how it was, but…we can still find the little things that keep us going. Your child…can still grow up and look back fondly on memories."

"Do you…really believe that? You really believe that this baby will grow up to be Dale's age and be happy?"

Natasha sighed gently. "Can we really say that about the rest of us? Before the world went down the drain…before the Walkers. I asked myself the same question once before…and I'm still here. So…yes. I believe it is possible. Because you as the parent must make every moment count for that child to experience joy. You gotta enjoy the little thing."

Lori felt short of breath, but she nodded her head. She still didn't know what she was going to do, but talking to Natasha made her feel better. It made her laugh…which is something she hadn't done in a very long time.

"Will you…will you support me…with whatever decision I make?" Lori asked, tears finally falling from her eyes.

Natasha didn't answer and wrapped her arms around Lori, hugging her tightly. The action nearly made Lori sob, but she welcomed the embrace. She welcomed the courage that Natasha was giving her. Her full support. She didn't feel so alone anymore, which meant the world to her.

"Thank you. Thank you so much, Natasha," Lori said, burying her face in her shoulder.

"It's alright. But as a piece of advice…I don't think this is a decision you should make by yourself. You have to tell Rick. I'm sorry, Lori. But you have to tell him," Natasha said with only a slight firmness to her voice. "And about Shane, too"

Lori swallowed and silently nodded her head.