Authors Note: I hit a writer's block for a while and had a few ideas rolling around in my head for the upcoming chapters. Thank you for your patience! I'm trying to leave this off on a cliff hanger and currently working on chapter 10. Thanks again everyone for the support and the taking time to read!
There was shouting, fist slamming against wood, but all the words spoken were mumbled. She knew Cassandra was talking for a majority of the meeting, her thick accent cut through the air like a freshly sharpened sword. Solas said little to nothing, but his voice was gentle and yet firm. Cullen's sounded just as angry as Cassandra, minus the shouting and Josephine hardly spoke.
A frown formed along her lips as she tried to make out the words with her ear pressed against the wooden door.
"Useless…," she mumbled to herself. With a heavy sigh she forced herself away from the door and stepped backwards. Cassandra's voice roared from the room once more. This wasn't a good meeting, especially since she was not part of it. She was aware of the eyes on her in the chantry, even mother Giselle watched her closely as Eva began to retreat to her cabin.
"My Herald, you should not fret of what goes on in that room." Giselle said, knowing full well that Eva was bothered by the ordeal.
Eva stopped and looked to the revered mother, her frown only deepening at her words. "Wouldn't you worry, knowing that meeting was about you?" Eva responded with heated words.
Mother Giselle only smiled and approached her as she offered a hand to rest on the elf's shoulder. "Perhaps, but ask yourself this: Does concerning yourself get you anywhere, other than worrisome thoughts?" Mother Giselle began guiding Eva towards the exit of the chantry. "You have so much to endure as it is, let this stay in the hands of others and focus on your tasks, for you have much to accomplish."
Eva wanted to protest but Mother Giselle had a point… However, reminding her of the responsibilities didn't help her in feeling any calmer. If anything, it added more anxiety to her already restless mind.
The wind bit at her sensitive skin when the doors of the chantry opened. "When they are ready," Mother Giselle gently released her and stepped back, "they will come to you, Herald."
Eva only nodded as she made her way outside. It was well past noon and soon everyone would gather in the tavern for dinner. All but her at least. She didn't dine with the people here, and in the many attempts she tried, she was still viewed as the outcast, the knife ear. She may be able to stop some rifts here and there, but many still saw her as the cause of the Divine's death.
"They still talking, Dove?" Varric's voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she only nodded in return. She noticed a hint of a frown on the dwarf's face, before he too forced himself to smile around her. Was their kindness all a mask for her sake?
"Don't worry, I'm sure ruffles will come to you soon." Again, she nodded but this time she didn't keep his gaze.
Her lack of response had him concerned. "Want learn to play wicked grace?" He offered. "Or see what is on the menu for tonight?"
Eva shook her head and offered the smallest of smiles, and it was a very much forced one at that. "No but thank you. I'm going for a walk." It was all she offered before leaving the warmth of his fire and presence. Regardless of how different she was, Varric always had her back, because he himself was also an outcast amongst everyone here. She heard Cassandra speak poorly of the man, though it was never directly in front of him.
She noticed Bull's absence as she left the main gates. Cullen's soldiers were still running their drills for the day, even without the Commander to direct them. Was everyone in her party at the meeting? A deep ache began to form at the pit of her stomach as she rounded near the stables. The blacksmith ignored her, as did the others that were tending to the weapons crafted.
"You know he's going to be alright?"
Eva glanced over her shoulder and spotted Krem.
"Is he recovering?"
He nodded just a bit, at least that gave Eva some comfort. "Just needs some rest is all. He'll be back in action soon enough."
The elf offered a small smile and nod before turning away from Krem and continued her way down the familiar path. Snow blanketed the ground as she felt the earth's energy radiating beneath her feet. Solas was right about how she connected more with her surroundings while being barefoot, though others disagreed with her option to not wear shoes. Mainly Josephine. Others considered it an "elf" thing and left the matter unspoken. Snow crunched under her soles as she came upon a small clearing just up the hill. This place was out of sight to the town. It was why she chose this location… It offered peace where she could not often find it. Privacy from curious eyes and a place to grieve.
"Abelas," she said softly as she sat in front of the grave. "Ar suledin nadas hamlam'shivanas…"
She sighed, running her fingers through her snow-white hair while her green optics narrowed slightly. Her knees curled into her chest, being careful not to disturb the recently placed flowers she'd picked upon their return. "Your tree will grow strong, and soon. I sense the life." She mumbled to her mother, knowing full well she wasn't warranting a response.
Her index finger gingerly brushed along the seedling that sprouted from the ground. In time that young plant would grow strong and bring more life to this land, and in remembrance there would be a large pine tree.
"We went to the Hinterlands again," Eva continued the one-sided conversation. "We were able to help the townsfolk there with gathering supplies." She remembered the people caught in the middle of the Templars and Mages war. They had very little to survive from. At least that was taken care of now, and hopefully would last them a while. Some of those people came to Haven to join in their cause. 'Not my cause. My duty.' The thought passed quickly in her mind and brought a new ache to her heart. She missed her people, missed her friends, and often wondered if they were alright. Had they heard what happened at the temple? Did they know her mother was taken from this world?
"So much has happened since you left… Solas is trying to help me through it." There was no fake smile here. There would never be. This place, even being a grave of a loved one, was the only place she didn't have to put on a brave face for everyone to see. "Vir sumeil." The wind was coming in strong from the mountains, her voice nearly lost to its angry howls.
"Lethallen."
Eva did not need to look up to know who approached her. She could feel his energy radiating from the earth, a warmth that surrounded him and only him.
"Solas." She said in return, giving him a small nod while never breaking eye contact with the small seedling at the grave. Gingerly, her hand brushed away some of the snow that threatened to cover it.
The older elf moved to stand behind her, his gaze meeting the grave as well. He gave a small nod in respect.
"Are they still angry?" Eva's question caught him off guard as his attention returned to the small figure before him. He wouldn't lie to her. The Seeker was furious and mostly at him, the Commander was in shock and now on edge, and their Spymaster attempted to hide her surprise, but failed with just the slightest eyebrow twitch. They were all frustrated.
"They need time to adjust to the news." Solas stated calmly.
"Time that I do not have before facing them." Eva spat out, her eyes narrowing. She didn't move from her position from the grave.
"Indeed, you will need to face them eventually."
"Halam'shivanas." Eva repeated and Solas nodded.
"Penshra ghilas vellathan." Solas said. "The reactions of others may not be in your best interest."
It had been hours since Solas retreated to his cabin. Howling wind echoed off the mountains and streamed into Haven. Freshly fallen snow blanketed around her figure as she watched the snowflakes dance around the frozen lake below her. The villagers told her this place held no warmth, that it was always frigid, always cold. The sun may shine through most days but the wind always bit through, no matter what time of year or time of day.
She was beginning to feel much like the weather here. She remembered starting out eagerly, wanting so much to help, trying to keep a positive attitude about her. But everything and everyone has their limits, even the nicest of people. It didn't seem to matter how many hours she invested into working on a task or mission, someone always judged or looked down on her with some disapproval. Anger. The emotion itself has become familiar, like an unwelcomed guest in her home. The feeling radiated throughout her chest rapidly until it felt like her entire being was drowning in water.
Don't let it consume you. The thought echoed in her mind as a frown formed along her lips, her greens hues narrowing as she stared blankly into the distance. She no longer focused on the grave laid out before her, or the small bud that had finally taken root in the unforgiving weather. No, instead she focused on trying to numb and bury the emotion itself, so it didn't present itself to the shemlen.
No! No, no, no. Humans. Not shemlen. She couldn't nor wouldn't lower herself to their level. Let them insult her. Let them call her knife ear or whatever else they decided to throw at her. They would never catch those words tumbling from her lips. Her back straightened immediately. What was the phrase Josephine said to her? Saving face? Perhaps her lessons were paying off after all.
A soft glow before her disturbed the torturous thoughts, green hues suddenly snapping out of their daze and the once twisted face of anger morphed into shock.
"A curious one you are. It certainly took you long enough to notice my presence." The voice spoke but was barely heard over the howling wind. She strained to hear it. This creature before her… She had seen similar figures closing rifts, but they were demons and had attacked her on sight. This thing… It glowed bright, as if it were smoldering, the color of Cullen's eyes. Ember. It was so bright.
Eva's reflexes kicked into high gear when the figure began moving-No. It was floating towards her. It was a wraith.
"I had to see for myself. If the rumors were true, it appears so. Truly a pity."
It was talking to her. It spoke with reason and logic and she could hardly believe it. Her movements came to a halt when she backed into a tree, leaving her pinned. The wraith stopped just before the grave site, appearing to cast a downward look at the small bud that had formed in the snow.
"Time slows down and the earth seems to stop, when see our beloved fall. We won't receive an answer, no matter how much we scream, how many times we call."
"Masal din'an?!" It was the first thing that came to her mind. The first thing that her voice could carry out. Find out if it was a threat and act.
The wraith chuckled as if she had told it some joke. She felt that spike of anger again, felt her gaze narrowing as she focused more on its form. It didn't seem to hold a threatening aura, but she had been wrong before.
"I am no demon if that is your worry." The breath she was unknowingly holding was released as a rush of chilled air tore through her lungs. She shivered. Regardless of its words, she would not let her guard down. "You're a curious being," it said to her and she felt every muscle her body tense.
Solas gaze was fixed on the hearth before him. His fingers fidgeted gently with the delicate pages of the book that lay upon his lap. All his concentration had left him, knowing full well what was currently transpiring at this very moment. Valor had come to visit. The spirit was one of the many that he spoke with in the fade and it had offered sound advice, one he could not hope to give his protégé. Not without blowing his cover, at least. And so, he sought Valor, knowing full well the spirit would offer advice on how to deal with the persistent advisors. However, much to his disapproval, the spirit insisted on an actual visit. Eva wasn't experienced enough in the fade to communicate with a spirit without risk of corruption. That was, unless he was present. This visit had to be a surprise, at least to her. A guided hand in the current war.
His brows knit together as he felt tension rise in his chest. The conversation he had with her advisors, and by that he meant solely Cassandra, did not go as well as he hoped. They may have given him permission to train her but with a price. The others had remained silent for the most part, knowing full well that it had come as a surprise to them. Though they weren't given much of a chance to speak for Cassandra's anger was that of a rage demon. Horrendous. However, this was his one chance to shape someone so new into the world, one that hadn't been corrupted into the logic of the typical mindset of elves… He would not let them take that away, whatever the cost.
A gentle knock interrupted his thoughts as his gaze shifted from the hearth to the door.
"Solas," he didn't need the introduction to know who stood outside his door. The energy had rolled off the ambassador like the waves crashing along the Storm Coast. He couldn't help the smirk that tugged at his lips. Of course, she would be nervous. Their meeting did not end well, and he could only assume she was here to collect Eva for their next step.
"Do come in, Ambassador." The smirk quickly vanished as his attention was brought back to the hearth before him. He would give no signs of disruption.
There was hesitation, but only for a moment before the door opened. Josephine wouldn't cross the threshold. Curious. Solas thought.
"I do apologize for disturbing you, but is Eva with you?" Josephine asked.
Oh, that was the one question that even he couldn't resist answering with a smirk. The book snapped shut in an instant and the energy room practically shifted with it. His hands folded neatly atop the book, though he did not take his gaze away from the warmth of the flames before him. "If you recall, ambassador," he would never call them by their names and it unsettled them, just as it did to the woman before him now. "For the duration of the day I was occupied in the War Room, discussing the child's fate."
"Ah," was all Josephine answered with. It was all she needed from the elf to know that even if he did know, he would not openly tell her. "I will ask the others, please excuse the interruption." Josephine said with a curt nod, closing the door as quickly as she could.
The smirk was still lined on his lips. It was no interruption on his behalf, but he needed to by the Herald more time with Valor, that much was certain.
Note: The discussion with Solas basically sums up to the sacrifice of duty in their language.
Halam'shivanas: The sweet sacrifice of duty