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Chapter 12: Decision
"Anything?"
"No. And not since the last five hundred times you've asked."
Toph stood with bare feet on the stoney ground, arms folded.
The air was chillier here—with the old ruins of the Northern Air Temple to the northeast, they were currently closer to the Northern Water Tribe than to the Fire Nation. The mountainous terrain would be about impossible to navigate for anyone who wasn't a sky bison or the greatest earthbender in the world, but it was the tunnels below that Toph had been keeping tabs on, the miles upon miles of them, winding out in all directions like a spider-cat's web. The many long interconnected rivers, on which Azula no doubt traveled with the waterbenders to avoid her feet's gaze.
"We're not gonna find her, you know," Toph said. "Not before she wants to be found."
Zuko, who stood beside her on the jutting cliff, facing the vast expanse of mountains stretching out below, sighed deeply. "...I know."
They'd left the others all back at camp, setting up tents and getting supper ready. It was the last night before the full moon, and Zuko had brought Toph out here for one last desperate concentrated search. But, they'd both known how it would go. How it had gone every other time.
"What do you wanna do?" Toph asked. "Are we gonna fight her or what?"
Zuko hunched slightly, shoulders squaring. "I think we have to. If we avoid her and the waterbenders for another moon, that's just more time for them to cause trouble. But—I guess we'll all be deciding that in a meeting."
Toph punched a fist into her palm. "We'll have to go through the waterbenders first. If Azula has been sticking close following us on those underground rivers like you think, if we take out the waterbenders she won't be able to get around without me seeing her anymore. That's when we nail her."
Katara and Zuko might have both had bones to pick with Azula, but Toph had been secretly hoping to have first crack at her. Any other enemy Toph would have found long before now, and they'd have the whole thing all sewn up. However, Azula had never played fair. After the fight on the Day of Black Sun, which Azula had spent most of the time running around having them all right where she wanted them, Toph wanted a rematch. She'd had her fill of all Azula's sneaking around.
"Yeah," Zuko said slowly. "You're right."
He was silent for a long minute. As he stood there, his heart sped just a little, beating strangely. She recognized that rhythm—not outright fear exactly, but nerves, anxiety.
He turned his head toward her again, and she wasn't surprised when he blurted, "Toph—" He stopped, hesitating.
"Yeah, what?"
Zuko's shoulders tensed, then slumped. "I… wish I'd listened to Katara. I wish I hadn't let my mother come along."
"She'll be fine. It's not like she'll have to fight."
He shook his head rapidly. "That's just it, if we're going to fight these waterbenders tomorrow night, when they're at their strongest—I don't want her to be anywhere near them. She won't be safe anywhere, even on Appa's saddle. They could just pull her off and use her as a hostage. And we'll probably need Appa for the fight."
For the first time, apprehension prickled at the base of Toph's neck. "What are you saying, Zuko?"
"We have to take her somewhere else, somewhere safe. But—I don't want her to be alone. I need… someone to stay with her. Someone strong, someone I can count on to see anyone coming."
Toph was silent for a long minute, then two. She could feel his heart rate build with his mounting anxiety, and she let it.
At last she said, "The others are not gonna agree to that. Definitely not your mom."
"They'll have to," Zuko answered. "I'm not going to put my mother in danger."
"We'll see," Toph said, turning away. "Moms can be stubborn, you know." For a moment, her thoughts drifted to her own mother. Toph still hadn't visited her, not since she'd run away from home. She wanted to—when she had heard her mother was visiting in Ba Sing Se and wanted to see her, she'd been cautiously happy. And it had felt nice to begin patching things up with her father, even working together as kind of equals when she'd taken on partnering her metalbending academy with his refinery. But of course the letter in Ba Sing Se had just been a trick, and then she'd found out apparently her mother had left her father over Toph leaving.
Toph still wasn't sure if she'd left because she was angry at losing her only daughter, or because her father had failed so miserably to properly raise the child she wanted, the soft-spoken princess with perfect manners. The whole thing was messy, and Toph might go only to be shoved out the door. It had been easy to find excuses to keep putting it off. However, at the thought of something happening to her before Toph could talk to her—something at the back of her neck seemed to tighten, constricting into a knot of nerves. She sighed deeply.
"I'm not agreeing to anything," she said. "Not before we talk to the others." She couldn't help but add, "You know, it's been boring around the Academy recently, what with Penga, Ho Tun, and the Dark One getting so good at running things. I've been kind of looking forward to a big fight like this. So, if I do end up stuck out of it…"
She reached over, and punched Zuko hard on the arm. "...You're gonna owe me big time."
Zuko rubbed his arm, wincing. Then, turning his head in her direction, she felt the corners of his mouth twitch up in a smile. "Thanks, Toph." He sighed, then added, "And I'm sure there will always be more fights. Complete world harmony is just too much to hope for."
Toph kept her arms folded, but the hint of a grin snuck its way onto her face anyway. She didn't know what she was worried about. He was probably right.
Camp was quieter than usual.
Ursa had helped gather a bit of firewood, but now there was little to do as Sokka set up the tents and Aang attended to the care of his bison, while Katara knelt over the cooking fire, stirring a pot of stew made from a few squirrel-rabbits Sokka had caught earlier. Ursa had taken up her usual spot by the supply bags, arms around her knees as she watched.
It had been a mostly uneventful few weeks. They chased rumors from town to town, Sokka trying to analyze every trace of a clue while Toph used some kind of earthbending ability to attempt to sense their quarry. They had met travelers, old farmers down on their luck, and even a few groups of bandits who lived out in the rocky wilderness waiting to harass any common folk who passed too near. One town on the far eastern side had been rumored to be plagued by spirits and kidnappings, exactly like Azula's handiwork, but when they had gone there they had discovered the damage was caused by actual spirits. It had taken a few days, but Avatar Aang had gotten it sorted out.
Ursa, while she hadn't been much help, had been able to observe first hand the team's way of aiding people when they needed it. Avatar Aang was a gifted diplomat, suggesting fair terms to settle disputes, while Sokka was full of suggestions for making life better in general, whether it be for better food storage or more efficient distribution of needed goods. Katara was there to offer healing to the injured and caretaking for the sick, while Zuko and Toph often made minor celebrities of themselves by intimidating bullies from taking advantage of the vulnerable. They hadn't found Azula, or even come close as near as Ursa could tell, but they had done plenty of good for people along the way.
However, tomorrow night was the full moon, and now a kind of nervous tension seemed to have fallen over them all. Sokka had been the one to explain to her the powers of the waterbenders Azula had allied herself with, and though Ursa had borne witness to many of the horrors firebending could unleash, she felt a shiver down her spine whenever she thought about it. If they chose to fight, there would be great danger for them all. All she could do was wait, and dread.
"It's going to be okay you know."
Ursa blinked, and looked up from the distant rocky landscape dotted only by a few sparse trees. Sokka stood nearby, holding a stack of rolled up blankets, apparently headed in the direction of the tents.
Ursa forced a smile. "Of course. I know how skilled you all are, and you've faced worse before. I'm not worried."
He grunted, eying her face. "You're a pretty good liar. I'd almost believe you, if you weren't, you know, a mom. Does Azula get that from you?"
Ursa blinked, surprised at the question—it was easy to forget just how much interaction they'd had with Azula. But of course, in recent years it was far more than she'd had. There were some things about Azula that apparently hadn't changed.
She considered. "I did quite a bit of acting back in my home town before I went to the palace. And life in the royal family, at least back when I married Ozai, tended to be… more comfortable, the better one was at the art of subtlety." Azula had known that from a young age, all the right things to say to please each of her parents.
"Right," he said, apparently remembering Ikem and his acting troupe. He studied her face again speculatively. "Huh, wonder if it would work on you then."
She blinked in confusion, and he elaborated, "Toph, I mean. She can tell when people are lying somehow. Something about your heartbeat, yada yada. Except it didn't work on Azula for some reason, apparently she's the same whether she's lying or telling the truth."
He was clearly trying to distract her, and Ursa did find herself unexpectedly intrigued. If such a power was reliable, it would have a wide range of applications. Had Ozai, paranoid as he was, known such a power existed, no doubt he would have hunted it down to make use of it. But maybe she was giving him too much credit; Ozai had never seemed to consider the talents of the nations outside the Fire Nation, other than as threats to be stamped out.
"See," Sokka said, shifting the blankets to one arm and raising a finger, "that's why everything is going to be fine. Because we're Team Avatar, and we've all got mysterious powers no one knows about. There's best waterbender in the world, yours truly, the brains of the operation, not to mention the Avatar." He shifted the blankets again as he got more animated. "And Toph—well, Toph's basically an army all on her own. She can trip you over a pebble or bring a whole mountain down on your head. Not to mention that whole inventing-a-new-form-of-bending thing. My plans got a whole lot easier since she joined up."
He abruptly frowned, glancing apprehensively over his shoulder. "Just, uh—don't tell her I said any of that. Toph's head is already big as a—"
"Army?" said a voice. "Whole mountain she could pull down on your head? Sorry, Sokka, but your voice is kinda loud. I'd hear you even if I was blind and deaf."
Toph was approaching from the east side of the camp, emerging from the scraggly trees, Zuko beside her. Sokka grimaced.
Toph folded her arms, easing to a stop not far from where Ursa sat. "Saying nice things behind my back again. Jerk. You really thought I wasn't going to find out?"
Sokka shifted the blankets back to both arms, scowling. "Eavesdropping is rude, you know. How long were you there?"
Toph jerked a thumb at Ursa. "Long enough to know I can tell when she's lying. She's more subtle than you, but that's not saying much."
Sokka gave one last dirty look at them all, before turning and stumping off in the direction of the tents, muttering darkly to himself.
Ursa tried to catch Zuko's gaze during the exchange, smiling a little, but he didn't meet her eyes.
"Meeting," he said gruffly, before stiffly making his way back across the camp.
Toph didn't move to follow immediately, arms still folded. And so Ursa found herself saying softly, "I don't suppose you… saw anything."
Toph waved a hand. "Nope. Expected that, though. Azula's kept away from us this long, she's definitely going to hold out until the full moon. She's always been tricky. We're gonna have to try something different."
Head still turned in the same direction, sightless eyes unmoving from a fixed point in the distance, she said, "You'll find out what Zuko's planning. And you're probably not going to like it."
Ursa's insides contracted, and she looked away. Trying not to think about what Zuko might do now. With all the desperation of a Fire Lord trying to protect his people.
Toph could have left then—it was just the sort of blunt comment that she seemed to like ending her conversations with. However, she still hung back a moment.
"You gonna be okay, lady?" she asked.
Ursa blinked. She opened her mouth automatically to answer that she would be—then hesitated, wondering if Toph would be able to see through the lie.
After a moment, the girl continued, "You've got to be the most mom mom I've ever met. And that includes Katara, which is saying something. You don't gotta be like that all the time, you know. Like everything's fine, and you're not scared."
Ursa knew it was true. She didn't need to be the strong one, the parent that would make them feel safe and sheltered, not for these children, who were not really children. But the instinct was so ingrained. She looked toward the horizon, sighing deeply, and murmured, "It's merely that I dread—the thought of seeing my children fight."
"Zuko's fought Azula plenty of times," Toph said. She added, "That's not what you're not gonna like."
She might have gone on to explain what she meant—however, Ursa didn't find out, as a loud clanging across the camp made her raise her eyes. Sokka was banging a spoon against a bowl for summoning, and Zuko was already sitting at the head of the fire, Aang settling down not far away, Momo curled around his shoulders and nibbling a bit of fruit from his hand.
"Yeah yeah," Toph said irritably. "We're coming, we're coming."
Ursa watched her go for a moment. Then she stood and followed.
Before long they were all settled around the fire, bowls of squirrel stew in hand. Katara, having served everyone, was the last to sit, taking up her usual spot next to Aang.
After that first day, Katara had warmed up to Ursa. Ursa knew the girl probably still disagreed with what Ursa was doing, but she laughed and joked like the others, occasionally scolding one of them in an affectionate way, and asking Ursa questions about Ikem and Kiyi and her old life in Hira'a. However, today she had been withdrawn, going about her tasks at camp in silence. Even Aang hadn't been able to get much out of her.
"Okay," Zuko said, looking from one face to the next. The sky had darkened behind him, leaving only a red line on the horizon, and now the firelight cast his scarred features into sharp relief. "We all know tomorrow is the full moon. We didn't find Azula—so now we have to decide what we're going to do next."
Sokka, who had slurped down half of his soup already, looked up. He frowned speculatively. "She's definitely going to try something. There's no way she'd miss this chance." He shook his head. "I still can't believe she outsmarted the power of the Pipe."
"We could fly off before any of them have a chance to reach us," Zuko continued. "Stay out of their range. But—I think this is going to be our best chance to catch them, and maybe find where Azula is hiding. I say we stay and fight."
It was what they had all been expecting, perhaps known from the beginning of this journey it would come to. However, Ursa couldn't suppress another shiver anyway.
"Okay," Aang began slowly, holding his bowl of vegetable-only soup that Katara had prepared for him. "But how? Katara's the only one we know can resist them. Maybe me in the Avatar State, but we haven't tested it." He glanced toward Katara, but her eyes remained fixed on her soup. He sighed, looking back. "Azula may not be there, but how can we know we'll be able to fight them all?"
Zuko nodded. "Assuming there are only the six we saw at the palace—I think we should have firepower enough to handle them. If we go in with a plan." He looked to Sokka expectantly.
Sokka sighed deeply in a long-suffering way, then rubbed his chin. "I've been thinking about it. We have some options. But it's going to depend on a lot of things we don't know for sure." He looked to Toph. "Toph, I'm going to need you to—"
"Wait," Toph interrupted. She set her bowl down on the ground beside her, and jabbed a finger at Zuko. "Before you get too far, I think Zuko has something to say."
Eyes turned toward Zuko, and he sat still for a long moment. He too set his bowl aside, and his eyes flickered toward Ursa once—before quickly shifting away. "Sokka, whatever plan you come up with… it can't involve Toph. Because I want Toph to be away, protecting my mother."
Ursa froze. She stared at her son, and something seemed to be pounding in her ears—a slow, steady rhythm, that built, louder and louder. When Toph had said she wouldn't like what Zuko would say, she had thought it would have something to do with Azula. Something about not holding back, fighting as they had to. The thought had terrified her—yet somehow this was almost worse.
"No, Zuko," Ursa whispered.
Zuko refused to look at her.
"Oh come on, Zuko," Sokka said, throwing up a hand in exasperation. "I need Toph. She might not be able to see the waterbenders when they're sliding around, but at least she could probably feel water approaching. I need her eyes—er, feet—so we don't get ambushed. You gotta pick someone else."
Zuko, who had been staring hard at the horizon, turned back to glare at Sokka. "Who?" he snapped. "You? I'm Azula's target, and we need Katara and Aang to be here to fight the waterbenders. My mother can't be here during the fight, they could use her as a hostage. And I'm not going to send her off alone. Toph might not be able to fight the waterbenders, but she could see Azula coming. And Azula's the one I'm worried about."
Sokka looked hurt for a second, then shook his head. "I see what you're saying, Zuko, but we need Toph here. We're gonna need to make sure we can see them coming. And Toph sees."
Zuko's scowl was ferocious. "This isn't negotiable. We have to fight them without Toph. We've faced worse than this—we should be able to figure out something."
Sokka opened his mouth again, but this time Ursa got there first.
"No, Zuko," she said again, firmly. "No, I won't allow this. Your friends are already putting themselves in danger. You can't make it worse. I won't go along with it."
Ursa hesitated for a moment. She raised her eyes to the sky, and for a moment pictured Azula in the cottage, her eyes wild with fury and pain. Did you have to have a new daughter because…
A single tear tracked its way down her cheek. Ursa had to see her. Had to see her, and help her. Her daughter she had forgotten, who she hadn't loved enough, who, above all her children, she had failed more than any other.
Selfish, murmured a voice in her mind.
Ursa drew a slow, deep breath, then let it out.
Her voice barely above a whisper, cracking slightly, she said, "You can… take me back to the capital. I shouldn't… have asked this of you, Zuko. You can… return me to the palace. And then… you may face them then."
"That would mean waiting another month," Aang said slowly. He sounded almost relieved at the thought.
Zuko shook his head. "We have to face them now. Another month—who knows what Azula might do. She might think she has to force me to face her—she might hurt people. She's around here somewhere, and all the villages close by aren't safe. We have to face her waterbenders tomorrow, and we have to find her then."
Ursa could feel a strange numbness creeping from the tips of her fingers. She had known from the beginning this was a selfish request. She wanted to help Azula, her daughter, yes—but she was placing herself in danger, even though Zuko and Kiyi still needed her. Yet she had not imagined it coming to this. That she would also directly jeopardize the safety of Zuko and his friends. But, surely they would talk him out of it. Surely they wouldn't let him go through with such foolishness.
"Zuko… is right."
The words were spoken quietly. And yet, all gazes turned.
Katara had been staring down at her stew, saying nothing the entire time, but now she raised resolute eyes. "We have to face Azula now, when we have the chance. Before she can hurt anyone. And… I think it's a good idea about Toph."
She continued, "Everyone who can't resist bloodbending is just going to be a target anyway. Zuko has to be here because he's who they're after. Sokka is going to be doing the planning. Aang and I—we can handle the waterbenders."
Aang glanced at her. "...Yeah," he said slowly. He added, "We just need to make sure about me. We just need to test—"
"We're not going to test it!" Katara snapped.
Aang flinched slightly, and Katara turned away without looking at him.
Sokka looked on for a moment, then rubbed his jaw. "The problem will be seeing them coming. You know, being night and all, and coming from every which way. But maybe I might have an idea on that. Even without Toph."
Zuko glanced at him, his scowl turning to hope. "You do?"
Sokka was nodding slowly, frowning. "Yeah… yeah. I think so." He looked around at everyone, then sighed. "Okay, I guess that's settled then."
"No—" Ursa started to say, but no one was looking at her. Everyone had picked up their bowls again, and resumed eating. All except Aang, who was looking at Katara, with an expression hard to decipher.
Ursa didn't eat. She couldn't seem to breathe. This couldn't be the decision. It had been self-centered, pointless—
Zuko stood up, holding his empty bowl. "We'll sleep tonight," he announced. "And we'll make whatever preparations Sokka thinks we should tomorrow. Everyone get your rest."
After setting his bowl and spoon with the other utensils in need of washing near the water basin Katara had set out, he started back in the direction of the supplies, near the tents. Ursa watched him for a moment, before she climbed hurriedly to her feet, following.
Just as Zuko reached the supplies, away from the others, Ursa called after him softly, "Zuko."
He didn't react.
"Zuko," she whispered, nearly frantic. "You know you can't do this. Please—if something were to happen to you, or any of the others—"
"Mother," he said.
She blinked to find he was gazing back at her, expression softer than usual. "It was my decision to let you come. So it's my responsibility, not yours. You haven't done anything wrong."
She reached out, gripping his forearm. "I've put you in danger," she whispered. "All of you."
"You want to help Azula," he said. He hesitated. "I'm glad for that. I'm… proud of you."
He stepped forward, and she blinked, startled, as she suddenly felt his arms around her, in a fierce hug. "I love you, Mom," he said in a rough whisper.
"I love you too," she managed to whisper back. She closed her eyes, and for a moment, allowed herself to imagine she hadn't failed utterly to protect him from his father, hadn't chosen to forget him. And wondered if she could have deserved such a son even then.
Then he was pulling away. Picking up his sleeping roll, and hefting it under his arm in the direction of the tents.
Ursa watched him go yet again, then stood there in the center of the camp. Watching as the others all bustled about, readying for bed. She still wanted to say something, argue further. She glanced over at Katara as she passed, but Katara didn't meet her eyes.
Ursa took a long, slow breath. There wasn't anything for her to do now, anything she could say. She had made this decision—now her only choice was to see it through.
The sun was completely gone on the horizon, and it was time to sleep. Toph had already made her usual earth tent, and Zuko and Sokka had each retired to their own tents. Even Zuko's mother, pale as a ghost, had finally given in, and disappeared into the fur flap of the tent Sokka had put up for her.
However, Katara was still wound tighter than a walrus-caribou rope, and as she looked for something to do, she noticed the canteens had gotten a little low. Gathering them all up, she headed off toward the river. They had decided to avoid camping too close to it, as it could be a point of attack, though it wasn't likely until tomorrow. There was still planning to be done, mainly where exactly to wait for the enemy to strike.
The enemy. Azula—but also waterbenders. Waterbenders just like her, consumed with rage against the Fire Nation. Their pain used for Azula's ends.
Katara's neck prickled—but then she forced herself to relax. She would need all that anger, the fury at the injustice. But tomorrow. When she had to fight at her strongest.
Katara knelt down beside the river. It was not huge, yet the water rushed rapidly by, driven down from the rocky hills to the west. It was one of those rivers probably not more than a few feet deep, yet with a powerful current potentially fatal were a nonwaterbender to wander into it. Katara had been sure to warn everyone—Toph had called her a mom as usual, but Katara noticed she hadn't gone anywhere near it.
Katara set out the canteens, pulling out each of the corks in turn. As she raised her hands toward the river to waterbend the canteens full, a light crunch behind her made her pause.
Katara glanced back to see Aang standing a little ways back.
"Hi." He waved, then rubbed the back of his neck.
Katara turned back to the canteens.
"So—" he began.
"No." Katara manipulated her fingers, pulling up a single glob of water from the river. She directed it into the water skin, then snapped in the cork, with slightly more force than necessary.
Aang sighed. "Katara, we have to know for sure."
"Aang, you're the Avatar. The Avatar State is stronger than anything. It will be fine."
"But what if it's not fine?" His voice suddenly burst out in frustration. "The Avatar State is strong, but that doesn't mean it can't be beaten. When Azula shot me with lightning—when I died—I was in the Avatar State. I need to know what will happen if someone uses bloodbending on me."
Katara's hands, which had moved to fill the next canteen, had halted in the air. Something was burning in her throat, in her eyes. As evenly as she could, she said, "I'm not going to use bloodbending on you, Aang."
His voice rose. "What if they're able to hold me down, Katara? What if you have to fight them alone? They could kill you!"
Katara was suddenly on her feet. Her fists were clenched at her sides, trembling. "I—" she began. "—can't." She swallowed the bile trying to rise in her throat, voice cracking. "I just—can't."
She wrapped her arms around herself, and half turned away. She stiffened slightly when she felt his hand on her arm.
She didn't turn, shoulders rigid.
"Katara," he said again. "They know you can resist them. You'll be their first target. Before we do this, I need to know that I can back you up. Please."
It was the plaintiveness in his tone that finally made her look up. She met his eyes for the first time. They were sad—but also determined.
She wanted to tell him again that she couldn't. How much she hated this power, had hated using it even on the likes of Hama and Azula. But of course, Aang already knew that.
Katara closed her eyes, and let out a long, shaking breath. She turned away.
"Sokka says the moon will rise right before the sun sets tomorrow, just barely," Aang added cautiously. "But they'll probably wait to attack, so that their bending will be at its strongest. So…"
Katara didn't answer. It was true, it was the deepest part of the night that their bloodbending would be most potent. But the power would still be usable before that. Almost as though someone had made the conditions absolutely perfect for what Aang wanted, just to spite her.
Voice small, barely above a whisper, she said, "...Okay."
Aang blinked—then leaned close, as though he hadn't quite heard. "Okay?"
"Okay!" she snapped again, fists clenching.
He drew back automatically. Then she felt his hand on her arm again. He squeezed lightly. "...Thank you," he whispered. "And I'm sorry." He remained there a minute longer, as though waiting to see if she had more to say, more feelings to express. Before at last he turned away, his quiet footsteps scuffing back over the rocky bank, as he headed back to camp.
Katara stood there a moment, before she slowly sank to her knees, next to the still empty water skins. The moon had risen in the east, and now she turned her gaze to it. There had been a time when the sight of the moon had given her strength and comfort. Now it felt like looking at her own reflection, when she had just done something she wasn't proud of. Or about to do something.
Katara gritted her teeth. She seized one of the empty water skins and, without any waterbending, shoved it into the driving river.
A/N: Another chapter down! This one turned out to be unexpectedly tough, quite a bit more revising than I expected. Also first try at a Toph perspective scene, an unexpected addition in one of the later drafts. I realized I really needed a break from everyone else, and Toph is awesome.
Thanks for reading! If you have a moment, let me know what you thought, and hope to see you in the next one!
Posted 6/16/23