Chapter 5

Desires unveiled

Christmas day had arrived, and Harry was already overwhelmed with presents. He was given a broomstick cleaning kit from Sirius, and a wand cleaning kit from Minerva. He also received a large bundle of home-made mince pies and a sweater from Mrs Weasley, as Ron had written to her and told her what Harry had done for him. After all, Harry had volunteered to stay with Ron at Hogwarts since his parents were away for the holidays.

When Harry had been told that Ron's parents were going to Romania, his first question was why weren't they all going? Ron had explained about Wizarding Ports, which were where Wizards had to go to visit other countries, either using a portkey, floo powder or apparition. The reason they needed to pay at a wizarding port was because they couldn't have wizards just appearing in other countries; what if a muggle saw them? What if they appeared in a crowd of muggles? It monitored the flow of traffic and kept everyone involved safe. But it did cost a pretty penny, and with Ginny alone with all of her brothers either at Hogwarts or working, Mr and Mrs Weasley decided to take her to see Charlie as a Christmas gift.

"It's going to be strange, not celebrating the holiday with my family… but at least Fred and George won't prank any of us this year!" Ron laughed with a look of relief on his face.

Harry liked the Weasley twins. They were mischievous, funny and cheeky, and somewhat reminded him of Sirius. His Uncle had originally been upset at hearing how Harry wouldn't be coming home for Christmas but understood when Harry explained the situation to him.

Opening his last present, Harry gasped in shock. It was a cloak, a beautiful one, that seemed to shimmer. He held it up, and Ron gasped as well. "I know what that is! It's an invisibility cloak," he exclaimed with awe.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, confused.

"Put it on," Ron urged.

Harry nodded, and swung the cloak around, putting it on. He was shocked as he saw his entire body vanish. "I'm invisible?"

"That's wicked! Those are really rare," Ron explained. "And expensive. Who got it for you? Your Uncle?"

"I don't know," Harry said, taking off the cloak and folding it up neatly, before looking for a note.

Ron, however, found the note first. "This belonged to your father. It was in my possession when he died. Use it well," Ron read out.

"Use it well?" Harry repeated, feeling more confused. "What does that mean?"

"It means you can go anywhere without being seen. You know, we could check the restricted section for any information on Nicholas Flamel," Ron suggested. "Give us some headway to find out what the thing is that Dumbledore is hiding on the third-floor corridor."

Harry grinned. "Good idea. I'll check it out tonight," he said. "I wonder who had it all this time, though."

"Are you sure it wasn't your uncle?"

Harry shook his head. "He'd have given it to me sooner," Harry replied. "Whoever it was… well, I'll thank them when I can."

"The fact that the Cloak has kept so well after all this time shows it's of fantastic quality. Most begin to fade for 10 or so years. So, whatever you do, don't tell anyone about it, otherwise everyone will want it. With that, we can go anywhere we want to!" Ron exclaimed wishfully.

The day went by quickly for Harry and Ron, enjoying Christmas dinner and stuffing themselves to the point of nauseousness with sweets. They played magical chess, practised flying in the bitter wind - Ron having a go on the Nimbus - and Harry even got to spend a little time with his Aunt Minnie.

By the end of the day, Harry felt tired, but simultaneously excited to sneak into the restricted section of the library. Ever since finding out that Gringotts had been robbed, and Hagrid slipping out that the item that was to be stolen was already being kept safe at the Castle with the permission of Nicolas Flamel, Harry, Ron and Hermione had been intent on solving the mystery. Harry had thought about asking Sirius, but something told him Sirius wouldn't be able to help.

Now, with the few remaining students in bed, Harry quietly left the common room wearing his new invisibility cloak and made his way to the library.

He thankfully didn't run into anyone on the way there and after an hour or two passed of looking through books of famous Witches and Wizards throughout history, Harry was gripped by a jaw aching yawn. How had he managed to not find anything? Final book and then he would go to bed… As he went to pick another book, Harry heard a noise, and spun around. In his surprise he accidentally knocking over the lamp that he had been using. Quickly, Harry put the books away and covered himself with the cloak, seconds before Argus Filch came around the corner.

"Who's there?" Filch demanded, holding up a lamp of his own. The caretaker looked around, seeing the remains of the lamp on the floor. Picking it up, he walked out of the library, with Harry quickly following suit.

What Harry saw next bothered him; Snape was talking to Quirrell about something, and it sounded like Quirrell was afraid. He knew Snape had it out for him after the events of his first quidditch match, and only Hermione's intervention had saved his life. When Filch explained there was a student out of bed, both professors began to help Filch search.

Knowing it would be stupid to return to the library now, Harry quietly backed away from the area, entering a room behind him. He listened carefully but, upon not hearing any sign of the Professors nearby, he let out a sigh of relief and took off the cloak.

Realising he had never been in this room before, Harry let his curiosity get the better of him and began to look around. It was empty, aside from a large mirror. Harry approached the mirror, and as he did, he froze.

What in the world?

He had been shown a picture of himself as a baby with his parents, and in the mirror, his parents were standing there, smiling at him. Harry looked behind him, but he was alone in the room. "Mum? Dad?" Harry whispered, turning his eyes back to the young adults in the reflection. He tried to memorise their faces before turning his attention to the person standing behind their legs.

It was Harry standing there, but he wasn't Harry. He was a red-haired girl, and he knew her name. He had dreamt of her often enough over the last 5 years. "Lily…" he murmured as he reached out and touched the mirror. The reflection smiled at him, making the same movement. He couldn't believe how right it felt, seeing himself like that. The mirror Harry - Lily - was him. Not the Harry standing in an abandoned room in the middle of the night.

He did a twirl in the mirror, imagining himself in the pink summer dress his reflection was wearing. Lily did a twirl as well, smiling happily at Harry. The dress she wore would change periodically, as would the hair style and length, and Harry ignored the longing in his chest as he stared at her, and his parents. Sirius often appeared as well, the love and pride on his face as he watched after the female Harry causing the longing to become intense to the point of pain.

All tiredness had gone, all thoughts of Flamel chased from his mind. Harry stayed there all night. It wasn't until the rising sun began to shine into the dusty room that he was teased out of the mirror's reflection, the suns' rays warning him that he should leave. It took extreme effort to look away from the mirror, and after one look back - everyone waved at him - he pulled on his cloak and ran back to the common room.

Nobody was awake and Harry crawled into his bed, grateful he could sleep all day since it was still the holidays. As sleep quickly claimed him, he knew he'd return to the mirror again when darkness fell.

A concerned Ron woke Harry up a few hours later. Harry told him all about the mirror, or rather, about seeing his parents in it, and had insisted Ron come with him. Would Ron see Lily? What did it mean? Ron, curious but cautious, agreed to go with Harry. When the last of the Gryffindors' retired to their dorms that night, the two left the common room under the cloak. As they reached the abandoned room, Harry noticed what was written on the mirror's edges. 'Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi' although he had no idea what it meant. He figured he'd ask Hermione about it when she returned from her holidays.

"Can you see them? My parents?" Harry asked excitedly as they stood in front of the mirror.

"No, I just see us," Ron replied slowly.

Harry stepped out of the way; maybe it only worked if one person was there. "How about now?"

Ron's eyes widened. "Bloody hell! I see me! But I'm taller… and I'm Quidditch Captain and holding the cup!" Ron exclaimed, grinning. He looked at Harry hopefully. "Do you think this shows the future?"

"How can it? Both my parents are dead," Harry replied glumly. Why could Ron only see himself and not Harry's parents? Ron stepped out of the way, and Harry took his place. As clear as day he could see his parents again, and himself as Lily. They were right there! Harry gave Ron a pleading look, but his best friend shook his head.

"I just see you, mate," Ron said. It didn't take long for Ron to convince Harry to leave and Harry, still sleep deprived from the previous night, allowed himself to be dragged away.

As the next night approached, Ron pulled Harry aside. "Please don't go back there mate, there's something weird about that mirror."

"It's a mirror, Ron, it's not cursed or anything," Harry said, rolling his eyes as he retrieved his cloak from his chest.

"I dunno, it's kinda spooky, showing us whatever we want. You could go mad just sitting there." His voice was pleading, and he spoke with reason.

Harry thought of what Sirius would say and, after an internal argument, looked at Ron. "One more time, Ron? I just need to see them one more time," Harry promised. To his relief, Ron agreed.

As he later sat in front of the mirror, seeing his female counterpart looking so joyful and free, Harry wished again that he was she.

"So, back again, Harry?" a kindly voice said from behind him. Harry jumped up in panic, turning to see Professor Dumbledore standing there with a warm smile on his face.

"Professor Dumbledore! I… I didn't see you there," Harry stammered, feeling a flush crossing his face.

Dumbledore chuckled softly. "Strange how blind being invisible can make us," Dumbledore replied. He approached Harry and put a hand on his shoulder. "You, like many before you, have discovered the joys of the Mirror of Erised."

"I didn't know that's what it was called, sir," Harry said. "It's… I never imagined…"

"No one ever does when they first find it, Harry, but I presume you already know what it does?" Dumbledore asked, a twinkle in his eye.

"It shows us what we want… whatever we want?"

Dumbledore looked at him warmly, a look of empathic understanding over his old face. "Yes… and no. Let me try it this way: The happiest man in the world could look into it, and see only his own reflection," he explained.

Harry looked at the letters around the edge of the mirror, thinking about what Dumbledore was saying. "I show not your face, but your heart's desire," Harry recited. "It shows what we want most in this world."

"Exactly, Harry," Dumbledore said happily. "You see your parents, whom you have never known. You see your family. Your friend Ronald, who is the youngest brother, visions himself as being elevated above them all."

His parents… "How do you…" Harry's voice trailed off, rising anxiety making it hard to talk. Could he see Lily as well?

Dumbledore chuckled softly. "I do not need a cloak to become invisible," the headmaster informed him. "I can understand your wanting to see this and stay here, Harry. However, tomorrow the mirror will be moved to a new home, and I must ask you not to go looking for it. People have gone mad staring into the mirror, wanting what they can't have."

"Ron said the same thing, sir, asking me not to come again as I could go mad sitting here. But I… but I needed to see this one more time," Harry struggled to explain, but Dumbledore looked like he understood regardless.

"Your friend is wise, and correct. Remember, Harry, it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live," Dumbledore told him. He placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Your parents would be proud of who you've become, and who you will be. You are a kind and caring friend to those you care about. You're adapting to this world like a duck to water, as the muggle saying goes. Not only that but you're also smart, rational and curious… most of the time." The headmaster stroked his beard carefully. "Life will not be easy for you, Harry, but it is through the hardships that we become who we are truly meant to be. You will never be alone so long as you allow those who love you to be there for you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I…"

Dumbledore chuckled. "Forgive an old man's rambles. To clarify, family is who we choose. Don't shut out those who love you because they aren't blood."

Harry nodded slowly, still feeling confused. He resisted the urge to look back at the mirror. After asking the headmaster what he saw - "a new pair of socks! One can never have too many socks at my age," -, Harry bid Dumbledore goodnight and made his way back to the common room, lost in thought.

Where was the mirror going? Oh, and what was Flamel hiding at Hogwarts? Why was Dumbledore able to see Harry's parents but Ron couldn't? Did the headmaster also realise that the pre-teen Lily was Harry? If so, why didn't he say anything? Was it weird? Harry didn't know of anybody feeling the way that he did… It must be highly unusual, that's why the omniscient Wizard didn't mention it.

Harry tried not to cry as he fell into his bed, the snores of his fellow dorm mates blocking out the sounds of his struggle. He desperately wanted to talk to someone, anyone, about these thoughts and feelings… but he was scared, and confused, and thoughts about how his desires were wrong bombarded him.

Maybe he could have one last look during the day, before the mirror was moved…?

No. No, he mustn't. He needed to focus on Nicholas Flamel.

If only to distract himself…