A/N I dont own Harry Potter
Dumbledore hated Lilly, he didnt know why Snape was so smitten.
For over a year she had forbidden James from talking to him. The result was that even when they flew by on their brooms on their way to work, James couldnt even wave, James had told him Lily accused him and Dumbledore of an affair, and would pinch him in a rather delicate spot if he waved. He regretted taking out James, but not Lilly.
So it made sense for Lily's spawn to be such an annoying little shit. Luckily Dumbledore's plan to marry Harry off to Ginny was progressing nicely.
Dumbledore saw the newspaper headline and snorted derisively.
"Dumbledore likely fired for unexplained dissappearence of Hogwarts student Romilda Vane"
Dumbledore chuckled "Like hell they'll fire me" he squaked determined this was just gossip. He dug into his porridge and seemed oblivoius to the world around him, yet fear of losing power remained.
His fears were realized when Fudge entered the Great Hall, escorted by two aurors.
"Ah Cornelius my boy how are you" said Dumbledore pleasently as he flexed his biceps in an attempt to intimidate the aurors.
"Save it Dumbledore, your fired from being headmaster effective immediately ". The students were shocked, even more so when Dumbledore grinned.
"Ah Cornelius you foolish boy, my unique contract prevents me from being fired" said Dumbledore wickedly.
" I didnt say you were fired from Hogwarts you dingbat, just from being headmaster, we need a new caretaker afterall" said Fudge bravely. Dumbledore fainted, but quickly recovered. "The light will rise" he thundred as he shot a killing curse at the wall to show his anger.
Snape disarmed Dumbledore and noticed the flash of sparks that shot out of Dumbledore's wand as he did so, bit quickly forgot about it.
Fudge looked at Dumbledore with a hard face. "Don't act so suprised Albus, this has been a long time coming, for years there have been missing funds at Hogwarts, you're years behind on paperwork, youve neglected all other duties, now your also pointing wands at students and ripping their hair. But the final straw has been the dissaperences including Ms. Romilda Vane, a student" said Fudge hotly.
"Im sure the little weirdo will turn up, she likely is just pouting about her bad grades" said Dumbledore pleasently as he sat back on his chair and began buttering himself a cruisant and made a gesture to shoo Fudge away.
Dumbledore did not have time to react as he was stunned. Snape was tasked with boxing up Dumbledore's office, to make room for the new headmaster. Snape would serve as the interim headmaster.
Dumbledore awoke in Filch's old office sorrounded by boxes of his own belongings.
He realized his many books were not here. but then rembered they were not his personally, but belonged to the school.
"Damn some of those were priceless tomes, but Potter Castle has more, so the jokes on you Fudge boy" Dumbledore cackled darkly.
Just then Snape came in with a grave expression on his face.
"Caretaker Dumbledore, it appears Peeves has flooded three toilets on the fourth floor, so grab a mop and plunger, this is not going to be pretty." All Dumbledore could was weep.
Three weeks later
Dumbledore had settled into a routine. initially he was heartbroken about how his unique contract prevented him from quitting, without having to pay a huge buyout fee, before he remembered that he could not get fired.
Dumbledore rarely cleaned, so the staff was constantly doubling down and asking the students to clean.
When Dumbledore did clean it was for destrutive purposes. Everyone in the school still remembered when he used acid to clean the Fat Lady portrait, the portrait's shrieking still in their head. This was all not mentioning the fact that Dumbledore, frequently used the entrances to all four houses as his bathroom. Dumbledore was considred worse than Peeves, especially after he tossed a priceless grand piano off the stairs.
Harry and his friends mostly ignored Dumbledore, even when the old man would beakon Harry over, or when he asked a younger student to pass notes to Harry, usually full of vulgar language and threats.
Later that Evening at Potter Castle
" Good evening, this meeting of the Order of the Phoenix begins now" said Dumbledore to the full drawing room audience. There were nicer rooms in the Castle to have the meeting, but Dumbledore, being a proud castle owner, did not want "peasants" near his stuff.
"Unfortunately Severus has allowed power to get to his head, he has been exceptionally cruel to the leader of the light, forcing me do manual labour at my age, and questioning me about how I spend my day, but he has been replaced" said Dumbledore as he looled at the sympathetic faces of his worthless followers, eating out of the palm of his hand, just the way he liked it.
"Starting Monday, Pierre Bread, an absolute lightweight of a wizard from a small school in Monaco will take over as the permanent headmaster. We must monitor him and see if his alliance is to the light, if it is he may be useful to the cause after I regain my headmaster position." said Dumbledore dismissing his worthless followers.
Dumbledore planned on giving this Bread guy a "welcome" he would never forget.
As the weeks went by Headmaster Bread proved quite popular. Dumbledore would turn red in anger everytime he looked at Dumbledore with pity. That fool seemed to think, in his advanced age, that Dumbledore was crazy, oh how he would pay!
Dumbledore hopped up onto the staff table and tried to punch Bread for daring to sit in his throne, but was easily disarmed, especially since the Elder Wand was no longer at full power.
Bread feeling that the caretaker was stressed told Dumbledore to take the evening off, and told the shocked students to send him get well cards. Oh how Dumbledore would cherish destroying those get well cards!
The next day
Harry and his friends were enjoying a full English breakfast when they heard a crash. It was Molly, swinging on a vine through the Great Hall. Nobody bothered to wonder how she got into the school, or where a vine came from, as they ran for cover
She grabbed Harry by the hair and they crashed through the window, in her other free hand she took a turkey from the Slytherin table.
After they crashed out of the window, Harry was able to wiggle free and ran towards an old portapotty that remained from when the school hosted the Triwizard Tournament two years ago.
Shortly after finding this refuge, Molly's chainsaw arm went through the wall as she ripped Harry out and put him in a headlock.
Daphne and Draco chased them to the edge of the wards as Molly strangled Harry as he attempted to escape her clutches. Finally the chase led them to the gates of Hogwarts. The entire staff except for caretaker Dumbledore had their wands drawn and pointed at Molly who let out a powerful roar.
Daphne stepped forward and screamed to the scowling Molly, "take me instead". Daphne was crying as she looked at the powerful headlock that Harry was in, it appeared he was struggling to breath. "Please let Harry go" she cried
Molly considered her for a moment before starting her jetpack and taking off with Harry and disappearing into the night.
3 hours later
Harry awoke in a clean suit and tie just as he noticed Arthur Weasley pushing Ginny's wheelchair down the aisle as wedding music was playing and the Weasley family all wearing their best suits were wheeping tears of joy as Ginny was about to marry into the Potter family, bringing wealth and prosperity.
Later that evening
Daphne was relieved, when she saw Harry safe and sound, be escorted by Headmaster Bread to the Slytherin table. Harry had been lucky enough to have a monitor on him that let Sue Daviz know if he was in trouble. Lets just say the Weasleys wouldnt be bothering Harry for a while, as Daviz, after twisting their arms, had called the aurors and put them in Azkaban until their trial.
Dumbledore meanwhile, was having a terrible day, he had been passed over by Snape for the DADA position, as if Snape could say he ever took out Grindelwald and Voldemort! The DADA position would have given him a reasonable amount of influence, to bring about the end of Bread.
Dumbledore had also been turned down for the vacant potions master position, in favour of Slughorn. " If it wasnt for me that bastard would not be able to tie his own shoes" Dumbledore squaked as he destroyed another school mop.
Harry was enjoying his dinner, when Ginny wheeled up to him flanked by Ronald, who had replaced his broken twisted arm with a vacume.
"Youll pay for running out on Ginny and putting my folks in Azkaban. Eat this" said Ronald as he used his vaccume hand to absorb all of Harry's food. Harry ignored him and filled another plate.
Just then the doors to the Great Hall burst open, it was Dumbledore flanked by over three hundred mop warriors. "Headmaster Bread, come out with your hands up" roared Dumbledore.