A/N

I dont own Harry Potter

Headmaster Bread, looked unalarmed by Dumbledore, and sighed. "Caretaker Dumbledore, do you need to see Madam Pomphrey" he asked in a concerened voice.

"Attack" Dumbledore roared as the mop warriors swarmed Headmaster Bread and ripped his head off. Dumbledore then jumped on the staff table and shot the dark mark into the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall.

The staff was so shocked at Dumbledore's actions they did not even think to call the aurors. Dumbledore had new ideas, it was time to visit an old friend. Dumbledore hopped off the table and apparted away. While he was gone Dumbledore put Hogwarts on lockdown and his mops on high alert.

Three Hours later.

Dumbledore had snuck in to the ministry's cafeteria kitchen with the intent of ruining the food!

"Wait till those mfs try this clam chowder, it will be so salty they cant eat more than a bite"! Dumbledore boomed to his new companion that sat pearched on his shoulder.

Ever since Dumbledore had neen trying to mess with Harry Potter, Fawkes had been mad at him, and finally severed their bond after Molly took Harry on that vine.

Dumbledore now had a new companion, a turkey vulture named Greasetrap. Dumbledore felt it suited his personality better. Greasetrap would be the eyes and ears of Hogwarts and for that the terrible man was pleased.

Dumbledore knocked on Fudge's door with his rings to get the old fools attention. The sooner he for this done the better, as he had plans for tonight, as his girlfriend Cho Chang was coming over, and they had plans to be very busy that evening.

Fudge looked shocked as Dumbledore sauntered in with his hubcap nose and turkey vulture on his shoulder. Fudge had to hide his disdain at this once respected man, that had fallen so much. Dumbledore was also sporting a blue dyed beard and a solid gold chain on his neck.

"What do you want Dumbledore" Fudge asked in an annoyed voice, hoping his tone made it clear they were not friends. Dumbledore was undetered as he opened a bag of chips that were on Fudge's desk.

"Why so hostile my boy, anyways, how would you like it if I were to donate one of my priceless potion books, written by Slytherin himself to your reelection campaign" Dumbledore purred

"Yes well thank you" said Fudge not knowing where the conversation was going. Dumbledore's disgusting grin widened as he licked his lips and advanced on Fudge menacingly, causing Fudge to flinch when he felt Dumbledore's moist hot breath on his neck.

"Perhaps you can thank me by giving me the headmaster job, as Pierre Bread is in over his head" Dumbledore purred some more.

"Wait a minute, you dont own that book it belongs to Hogwarts, for the last time you are a caretaker you do not own Hogwarts" said Fudge aggressively.

"We shall see" said Dumbledore evenly.

Just then Dumbledore looked out the window and noticed Susan Daviz. "You bastard!" Dumbledore roared.

"Now why are you screaming " said Fudge angerly.

"I didnt scream" said Dumbledore defensively as Fudge gave him a strange look.

" Im sorry to be so blunt my boy but you WILL sign these papers giving me complete control over Hogwarts or else you will be in big big trouble my boy" said Dumbledore pointing a full sized mop at Fudge.

When Fudge didnt respond Dumbledore screeched in a nasally voice "Avada Kedavra" ,as Fudge crumpled after being hit by the beam of green light that shot out of Dumbledore's mop. Dumbledore then claimed the Headmaster position with a forged signature. Looking down at Fudge, Dumbledore snorted before apparating away.

One Week Later

The students were being sent home as the school year was now at a close. Dumbledore chuckled as he looked on because he knew the students would not be coming back.

Dumbledore planned on making Hogwarts the Albus Dumbledore Resort and Spa. He would become quite wealthy if he kept his margins in check.

The staff was not impressed when he informed them that they would serve out their contracts as pool matenance workers or busboys. Occasionally a student would stay for the summer for research reasons for the Professor-Pupil research initiative started by McGonagal, but Dumbledore had already threatened her that any student or staff here this summer while maintenace was going on for the big opening would be cooked up and served as dinner for the guests.

Dumbledores business partner David P. Taco, had convinced Dumbledore to spend much of the Potter vaults funds to finance this as well as to take a mortgage out on Potter Castle.

Snape raised his eyebrows, he had no idea where Dumbledore found these people, because sure enough, the new Minister Lucius Malfoy, signed a charter that made Hogwarts the property of the Ministry.

This meant Dumbledore had lost Potter Castle.

one week later

Harry and Susan Daviz were among a crowd of hundreds who were touring Potter Castle after Gringotts forclosed on it. A few people screamed when they opened the door to Dumbledore's personal office as thousands of crawfish shells piled out.

Despite some dilapidation Potter Castle was in decent shape, but Dumbledore had plans!

Dumbledore and his lackeys Flitwick and Hagrid were at Potter Castle and were about to have some fun.

Dumbledore appeared in the crowd and boy was he angry that they would actually foreclose on his castle. Luckily the goblins were now extinct as Dumbledore used the imperious curse to have them take themselves out. Dumbledore giggled at the memory.

"Sir are you wishing to make an offer" asked the realtors kindly.

Dumbledore saw Harry and chased after him.

"Stop right there young man or I'll turn you old" said Dumbledore as he did a strange hand gesture

" I'll zombify you" Dumbledore roared as he gave chase.

Dumbledore had an idea after failing to catch Harry.

" Molly I know you hate the twins, why have two failures when you can trade one in for a Potter heir of your own." said Dumbledore cheerfully.

Molly looked more confused than normal

"What I mean is why not have one of the twins become the Potter heir" said Dumbledore slowly.

Molly grinned showing her razor sharp yellow teeth.

That night

Molly was carrying the unconscious George ovee her sboulder. She had no regrets as she had an identical copy in Fred. She looked at it as changing merchadise at the store, exhanging.

Dumbledore had concocted a potion to change Georges DNA to be the heir of Lily and James. She would then fix George and Ginny up, and she would get a quarter of the Potter estate and Dumbledore would get the rest, she loved that man!

After 5 weeks

George Potter and Ginny Weasley were expecting their first child and Dumbledore celebrated by throwing a ball at the reaquired Potter Castle. Fred choose not to come as he was furious about the loss of his twin.

"A pretty good day for the light afterall" Dumbledore screamed before toppling over drunk on the kitchen table, while the Weasley's banged their goblets in approval.

Nobody noticed Hagrid and Fred Weasley muttering darkly in the wine cellar.