Chapter 13

Summary/Spoilers: Takes place right after Shadow and the last chapter.

Dean lingered under the water for several more minutes, trying to make sense of the woman. He knew he'd hit a nerve when he'd accused her of being 'stuck' but he still didn't know what kept her conflicted. He knew that was the reason she ran hot and cold. As much as he didn't want to play therapist, he wanted her free from whatever was so obviously hurting her.

He couldn't hide out in the bathroom forever. There was no reason to feel uncomfortable around Mae. Yet, he did. He supposed, after all this time they'd spent apart, it was only natural to need time to get used to each other again. Maybe get used to each other for the first time. They were adults now, not clumsy teenagers anymore.

That could have been why things felt so off base. Dean realized he was trying to pick up with her as if the past eight years hadn't happened. He was trying to rekindle a love that would have changed anyway, even without her injury and without that spell sex. They had more issues that most. They also had more of a connection than he'd ever had with anyone else.

When he finally emerged from the bathroom, Mae was dressed. Her red hair had been pulled back and plaited. She puttered around the room. That was the perfect word for it, Dean decided. This was another form of intimacy, although this lacked any sort of sexual charge. With a clearer mind now, Dean wondered what he had been thinking. The room, the shower, it all screamed that he was desperate. He supposed on some level he was. Not for sex, not entirely anyway but to be with her, to be intimate with her.

If sex had been involved, he might have assumed she was a succubus. Perhaps she was one, of a fashion. He could come up with few other reasons he was comfortable with that would have otherwise found him so desperate to be with a woman, in any fashion. Partly, he hoped there was some sort of other reason because then he wasn't just following her around like a love-sick puppy. Dean Winchester did not act like this around women.

Except for Mae. She had a practically supernatural power over him. He was drawn to her, wanted to be with her and couldn't convince himself that he didn't love her. If she wasn't a succubus, he was just a weak-minded man being controlled by a pretty girl. He knew all his attempts at flirtation had only gone so far, never past whatever line she had drawn. During one of the calls, she had flat out told him she wasn't ready, and they hadn't even gotten to real dirty talk let alone phone sex. It was probably too much for him to expect that sharing a room together would change that.

However, she wasn't entirely unwilling to explore something sexual with him. Perhaps that made sense if they had more time but between the two of them, they'd been injured or nearly dead more than enough times to know that there was no guaranteed future. He knew Mae had to see that, had to understand that they should take advantage of every opportunity they had to be together, if they wanted to be together, before lost their chance.

Then it hit him; she was giving him moments of intimacy, he just wanted more. Every time he got close to her, he wanted to be closer. Perhaps he wasn't being fair. Sure, he didn't have everything he wanted from her all at once, but he had more than ever before.

"Are you okay?"

Her voice startled him out of his quiet train of thought. "Yeah. That was... surprisingly good."

An impish smirk bloomed over her wide, pleasing mouth. "Thank you, I think. But that's not what I was asking about. I mean with...everything else. You let your dad go his own way. That can't have been easy."

Dean frowned. "No, that part was easy because...I'm not going to get him killed. Besides, he knows how to do his job, we know how to do ours, so we don't need him here right now."

He wasn't above using her discomfiture with nudity to get him out of the conversation as he whipped off his towel and tossed it over a nearby chair. He moved to his bag to retrieve clean clothes.

Dean may have been more satiated than she was and despite her injury, she wasn't sure that she could keep him at such a distance physically. They were already skirting and blurring those edges of what was friendship and what was romance. And it was hard to argue that their shower was anything but sex. In some ways, sex lacked the depth of just how close they could be together.

But, god, she thought, there was a heat and passion that built in her whenever she saw his face. Or thought about those strong hands cupping her cheek, sliding over her skin, exploring her body with an exquisitely versed hand. She would relish the solid weight of his body against hers, the warmth and taste of his skin, his scent alone causing sheer intemperance.

How perfectly simple it would be to lose herself in his touch, to let him help her forget everything that burdened her. That thought snapped her out of her idle fantasy. It was too selfish to just forget about the promises and obligations. She had an atonement to make and a wrong to right. She knew Dean would see it as selfish or misguided, perhaps even stupid. No, she corrected, he definitely would see it as stupid. He'd suggest they work it together and, ultimately, she knew that their family business would supersede hers.

"Yeah." She cleared her throat as she turned away from him, "well, this would have been really weird in front of your dad."

He laughed, letting her lighten the mood a bit. This didn't have to be awkward if they didn't make it that way. He was willing to accept things the way they were right now. "I'd say. You know this may not be the best time to bring it up but I'm glad you came."

Her lips pressed together if an almost frown as she shook her head. "If I'd gotten there sooner. Maybe-"

Now dressed, Dean stepped up behind her and turned her gently to face him. Dean shook his head before he pressed his fingers to her lips. "You couldn't possibly have gotten to us sooner. And if you had...maybe something worse would have happened. I don't know. It doesn't matter, we're all here now."

He let his hand fall away from her mouth as she began to speak. "We are?"

Sam had been pushing the same argument for the past few hours and he was trying to get away from it. "I told you Red, I stand by letting Dad go his own way on this right now. I've had to argue about it the whole way here and I really don't wanna that with you, okay?"

"Okay. For what it's worth though—and then I'll drop it," she said when his soft smile fell, "It was a tough thing you did, staying goodbye like you did, leaving things so...unknown, rather than charge into this without really understanding what you're dealing with here. I think you're a better man since you can make the right choice even when it's the hard choice. It's dangerous for all of us right now. And that Meg chick… dude, what the hell is up with that?"

"Clearly, she's been playing Sam from the moment she met him. She used us to get Dad here and it's him these demons want, not me and Sam. I've missed Dad like crazy, but I don't want to be a liability to him." It was an understandable concern and she decided the time apart from his father had done Dean good. Not that it hadn't added stress and worry to his life, it had let him gain a certain sense of perspective. "I'm glad you're here though." He repeated.

He was standing so close to her now, one hand on her hip, the other still on her stomach and those hazel green eyes locked right on hers. "I just want you to know, this won't happen again."

Mae tilted her head. "Do you mean the crappy motels, you co-opting my showers, sharing a bed together, or being injured. Because I'm pretty sure there's a good chance I'll get hurt again. I like our unconventional sleeping arrangements. Under different conditions, the shower thing is great. The motels are a given so...what part of that are you going to stop?"

"None of that. I mean this thing with my dad. I won't… give you the cold shoulder in front of my dad."

"Oh. That. Well, it's not like we were there more than a few minutes. Outside of that, I know it might be odd, next time we're all together but… I'm not asking you to be overly affectionate or anything. Yeah, it was a weird night but it's okay. I'm not sure how it wouldn't be uncomfortable."

Softly, Dean ran his knuckles along her cheek. "So, you don't think we should have...stuck together with Dad? I mean this is the fight we've been training for since..."

"I-listen, you and your brother walked into a situation that..." Mae sighed, stepping back. "You said that Meg girl and Sam had met before Chicago?"

"Yeah."

"Whatever is going on, has been going on for some time. Maybe longer than we know. Maybe that whole business in Twin Falls in linked."

His eyes narrowed, then widened a bit. "You think?"

With a shrug, Mae stepped around Dean to busy herself with her bags. "I don't know but she's got access to a ritual and the juice to control, at least for a little while, daevas. Maybe she's the reason that kid go his hands on that super old spell we dealt with."

Dean kept his eyes on her back, watching her lean from. Her movement almost elegant, stifled only by efficiency. He enjoyed watching her. From one bag, he watched her pull out a bottle of pills and a blue ice bag with a white plastic cap. She set them on the dresser before moving to the next bag. "But why?"

"I don't know. Test us? Keep us from finding out something else? Maybe we were supposed to react differently to the spell? Maybe I was supposed to die? Or if I lived, maybe it was supposed to send me running home the way it did with your dad. I don't know."

"Hey, do you think the thing with you and dad, that spell could be related? That maybe it could call be tied together?

This time, she didn't shrug, didn't turn back to him as she tossed the bag on the bed. But it was hardly the first time she'd consider all those points. "Maybe. Maybe not. We're seeing maybe half of what's going on here. Maybe less. And if this is all tied together, to what end?"

"To finish the job, take all of us out."

Now she did turn back to him as she grabbed the pills and blue ice bag. "But why? What could motivate a demon or demons to want to kill all of us. And to take decades to do it. That doesn't make sense to me. If we're supposed to be dead, there are certainly easier and faster ways that we've seen so far."

"Maybe...maybe something else? So how are you involved, if it is tied together?"

"Don't know. I've had some dealings with demons over the years. But maybe it's just happenstance."

It wasn't happenstance, she knew that much. She hadn't connected all the dots, but it did seem like she was connected to the Winchesters more than she ever assumed. The question remained, why though. Mae tried to shake it off, moving to the sink. She took the think plastic wrapping off the flimsy plastic cup before filling it with water. Setting the cup down for a moment, she opened the bottle of pills to take several aspirin. Before their shower, Dean had brought back the ice bucket, filled, and let on the counter. She filled her ice bag and screwed the top back on.

"Happenstance?"

"I don't know, Dean. But, you know, you aren't too worried about this being that big a deal if the only one you want to not keep by your side is your dad. Why aren't you worried about pairing up with me or Sam?"

Dean's lips turned downward, and he twisted his ring. "Because Meg wanted dad, not me or you or Sammy. What are you trying to get at? You think this demon will come after you just because you're here with me?"

Mae laughed. "Not because of you, no."

"Wait, you think they'll come after me? Because of you?"

"I'm not totally ineffectual in this work, you know. Plenty of things would rather see me dead."

"Do you have a demon problem?"

"...we all have a demon problem. Obviously. I'm just-I get that Sam is committed to the idea of going after the demon that killed your mom and Jessica-and I get it, believe me, I get it- but you're the pragmatic one this time."

"You're point being?"

"Listen, there is something to all of this, something that we can't see. I think we need to cover our bases, try to figure out why this is all happening and stopping it where were can. So maybe your dad isn't the only one stronger going solo."

He shook his head. "No. Truthfully, you and Sam have been out of the game long enough and we're safer together. I'm the only one who didn't take off to have a sweet little normal life."

"You have no idea-" Mae took a breath, wincing a bit so she pressed the ice bag to her side. They were both on a raw edge mentally, physically, and probably emotionally. This seemed like three or four fights that threatened to boil up for no good reason. They would not solve any of their old issues that early morning. "Yeah, sure..."

"You're right. Let's not get into this now. I could use the sleep and when we get up, maybe we can get something to eat and figure out where everything stands. Who knows how long Sam will brood by himself. He'll be up our asses in no time."

She nodded, crossing to Dean and the bed one last time, dropping her ice down, and picking up her bag. Unzipping it, she pulled out something from inside.

"Is that a blankie? You hunt with a blankie?"

"It is a super soft, warm blanket that I find much more comfortable that crappy hotel bedding."

Dean recalled her bed at home did have extra soft sheets and plush coverings. While she could be a no-frills sleeper, he liked that she did want a frill or two. Particularly when he got to enjoy them at the same time. "It's a blankie."

Her arms wrapped protectively against the soft, lush blanket as she walked the short distance back to the bed. "I'll make you go sleep with your brother and he's not going to let you cuddle up with a comfy blankie or jack you off in the shower. Or, I mean, probably. I'm just assuming, I don't know what you boys get up to."

"You think you're cute?" He poked her gently in her uninjured side.

"Hey, friendly fire, dude." She still leaned in to kiss him softly on the cheek. "Help me out and pull back the sheet."

Dean retrieved her ice pack, tossed it on one of the nightstands, and then did as she asked. He helped her spread the blanked down and pulled the sheet and comforter back up. "There, happy?"

"Getting there. So... how are we gonna do this?"

"How are we going to...sleep?"

"Well, with my ribs and all, I need to sleep a little more upright. And you might want to sleep like a human."

"I've got an idea."

He arranged the pillows in a stack against the headboard and got in the bed, with the stack supporting his back. Dean shifted, spreading his legs and patting the space between them. "That's your solution?"

"Just get in."

She did, pulling the blankets back up and around them. To Dean's surprise, her blanket was incredibly soft, which was a nice change, and unexpected luxury. He rubbed his feet vigorously against the soft, fuzzy material.

"Don't! You'll mess up my nice blankie with your gross boy feet." Mae chided lightly, rubbing his thigh.

"I just took a shower. They're not gross. You're the one with weird looking feet."

"They are not weird looking."

"They're a little we're looking."

But he stopped the movement of his feet. She settled against his chest, thanking him when he handed her the ice pack. She pressed it against her ribs, pulled her blanket up and used her arm to hold it in place. Gently, Dean's arms folded around her. She didn't hesitate in relaxing against him. He wore boxer briefs and she wore shorts, allowing the legs to press gently against each other's. Despite the fabric of their shirts, she felt the steady and reassuring warmth of his body against her back.

In the past, when she thought about them being good together in bed, she strictly thought about sex. But lately, simply being physically near him, the nearer the better, she found a sense of calm. It was easier to sleep. She didn't have nightmares like she didn't a few years ago but sleep tended to be elusive. Anyone who she'd spent the night with wasn't typically allowed to stay for more than sex.

But here was Dean and he had inverted most of her standard routine with men. He triggered emotions she thought she couldn't feel anymore, emotions she didn't want to feel, and memories that further twisted her thoughts. She knew being with Dean wasn't a betrayal. She even knew, logically, that loving Dean at this point didn't betray any promises she had once made.

Now, it was impossible to be unfaithful. As much as she wanted to believe if could keep things physical with Dean, that it would be easier, her heart wouldn't allow it. For better or worse, she could not take Dean piecemeal.

"Hey, Red. Did you believe that stuff I told you about it being unhealthy for a guy to not come when we were kids?"

She smirked slightly. "Not really. But..."

"But what?"

"It's not like I didn't want to be with you. But when I wasn't ready to go further, I could get you to be glad for a hand job rather than pushing me into sex."

He frowned. "I thought...you wanted to..."

"I did. I told you before though, maybe I was too young. You were the first guy I'd ever been with. The first guy I'd ever kissed or…done anything with. And I was head over heels. It was nerve racking and you were...you were 17, and good looking, and... I just...wanted you to think I wasn't a waste of your time. Besides, you wanted to get laid and if it wasn't with me... hey, I would have been nervous with anyone. At least with you, I knew you...loved me. I was still nervous."

Dean reminded himself, it was always a tricky subject to ask her about the past. She didn't regret it, but she wasn't as undoubtful as he was. "Huh. So, in there, was that because you were nervous?"

"No. That was because I wanted to, and you wanted to and...to your credit you were sportin' wood that whole shower but didn't try anything or make me feel bad about not doing anything to help you out. If you'd known that at 17..."

Under the covers, Dean's hands skimmed lightly over her legs, just above the knees. "And you don't have any interest in me returning the favor? At all?"

"No. I mean, not never. Just not right now. I really want to ice my ribs and sleep."

"That's not exactly my style but, okay."

"I'm sure."

"Hey, I am talented Mae. I've had no complaints."

Mae laughed, lacing her fingers through his to move them off her legs. When she moved his hands to his legs though, she didn't let go of his hands. "You do know I've had sex with you before, right?"