This chapter comes with a trigger warning. I've done a lot of crazy stuff, but this might be triggering for those dealing with suicidal thoughts and ideations. If you are suffering with bullying or suicidal thought please I urge you to seek help. You is kind, you is smart, and you is important.
Chapter 46: Pressure like a Grip that Won't Let Go
Kyle kept his head down as he walked through the halls. He heard whispers and saw the stares and glares coming his way. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on him lately, but no one wanted to actually say it to his face. Other than Leora of course, who still wasn't talking to him. He didn't blame her one bit.
He had quickly moved his stuff to the other room and Leora hadn't talked to him since. She basically ignored him. However she told anyone else who would listen that she was doing great and didn't care about either Kyle or Miles right now.
Miles.
That was another story. He hadn't been in school since Monday. Kyle hadn't seen or heard from him in three days. Which was what he had expected. Miles had made himself very clear. Kyle needed to make a decision before he even approached him again. Kyle hadn't made a decision yet to be honest though he was sure that it had been made for him already.
Kyle jumped as he heard the bell ring faintly. He sighed as he looked down at his phone for the time. He didn't want to go to class. Instead he shoved his phone into his bag. He pulled his knees up to his chest and sat there. He couldn't take much more of this.
He closed his eyes as he fought back the panic. He hated this so much. His anxiety hadn't been this bad in years. These last few months had been the worst, and it seemed to be getting worse not better. He gripped his knees right as he forced himself to breathe slowly.
He left after the next bell. He made his way to his next class. He tried to ignore everyone around but he couldn't. He could feel them staring at him. He could hear them whispering about him. No one was being secretive about it either. They were all so transparent with their hate and ignorance.
Kyle entered his English class and made his way to the back. He slid into a chair and started pulling things from his backpack. He looked up as a folded note landed on his desk. He looked around and saw everyone was chatting with one another and no one was paying him any mind.
He opened the note and saw in a neat scrawl.
'You are trash. Jared and Miles don't deserve you. You should just end it already.'
He quickly crumpled the note and looked around. No one was even looking at him. He hated that they were doing this to him. He didn't know why people just couldn't leave him alone. He knew they were never gonna leave him alone. As long as he breathed they wouldn't stop. He was a public figure. His life was going to be under the microscope from now on.
He stuffed the note into his backpack trying to forget about it. He tried to focus on taking notes and working on the assignment.
Finally the bell rang. He quickly gathered his things and bolted from the room. He ran to his locker stuffing his things in there and grabbing his next couple books.
Suddenly the door slammed shut. Kyle looked up and he came face to face with two under class men. Both girls and both looked angry. He knew neither of their names. One was tall and blonde the other was a stubby brunette.
"You are the scum of the earth, you know that," the brunette said.
"Yes I do," Kyle nodded his head. "And let me guess," he turned to the other girl. "Jared is a prince and deserves better, which again I already know. Can we just skip the pleasantries?"
"You're such an asshole too. How you ever tricked Jared-" the blonde started.
"Ok first of all stop acting like you know him," Kyle said, annoyed. He hated fangirls who thought they knew everything. "You have no idea what happened and why. You don't know Jared at all. All you know is stuff from interviews and trust me those are superficial. The real Jared is a million times more amazing and awesome. Something you will never get to see."
Both girls glared at him, their jaws floundering as they tried to think of a comeback.
"That's what I thought, now go back to your creepy fanfiction," Kyle said as he turned and walked away.
He saw Miles standing a few feet away watching him. Kyle paused as they locked gazes. Miles quickly tore himself away and ran the other direction. Kyle held his head high and made his way to his next class.
Today was going to be a long day.
—Happy Mistakes—
Kendall watched as the guys sorted through their fan mail once more. Matt, Noah, and Roldy were having fun. Jared had opened a few letters, but he had abandoned his pile to help Roldy when more than half of the letters had been intended for Kyle too.
Penelope returned with a box. She walked over to Jared and started to pick up his mail.
"I'll sort through this for you, if you want," Penelope said.
"Sure, I just…," Jared said looking down at the mail.
"Don't worry we will take care of it," Kendall said. Jared just nodded his head.
He had been rather silent all week. Not that anyone blamed him. He avoided the topic of Kyle at all costs to the extent of leaving the room if anyone brought him up. He was quiet and reserved. It was very un-Jared-like. Kendall felt bad for him. He wanted to talk to him, but Jared made sure they were never alone either.
Kendall watched as Jared excused himself to the bathroom. Once he was gone, the other three tried to get back to their mail. The atmosphere had shifted though. It was tense and no one knew what to say it seemed.
Noah was the brave one it seemed. He asked the question everyone wanted to know.
"Is he still going on tour with us?"
"I don't know," Kendall said honestly, "that's up to the four of you to decide and I'm sure Kyle wouldn't argue if you decided to not have him tour with you guys."
Noah looked to Roldy and Matt. They both shrugged.
"That's up to Jared," Matt spoke up.
"He's gonna say no, now that they broke up," Roldy said.
"We didn't technically break up."
Kendall turned around and saw Jared standing in the doorway. He hadn't heard him enter the room. He was lingering by the door, his hand on the knob like he was ready to bolt.
"What do you mean you didn't break up?" Roldy asked.
"We didn't really get to that," Jared said looking down at the ground. "I haven't heard a word from him since Monday either. I don't know what's going on."
"You're gonna break up with him right?" Roldy asked. "Ow." He looked to Noah who nudged him.
"I don't know, maybe," Jared said, "it's complicated."
"Complicated?" Roldy asked. He jumped away from Noah. "Will you stop?"
"Leave him alone, this is between him and Kyle," Noah said glaring at Roldy.
"And Miles and Rafi too," Roldy said.
"Rafi?" Kendall asked.
"Stop," Jared said glaring at Roldy now. "You weren't there, you don't know. I mean there is a big chance this is it for us, but like I already kind of figured it out too. I mean I've known from the beginning you can't have Kyle without Miles. They are a package deal, always have been."
"You can't be serious right now," Matt said.
"I don't know, we talked a little bit, but he took off when he realized he was late for school. I haven't talked to him since. We never actually used the words break up," Jared said.
"Ok I think we are done for the day," Kendall said cutting in. "Jared, can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Yeah, sure," Jared said.
He ducked out before Roldy could corner him again. Kendall followed and led him to his office. Once they were there and seated he looked up at Jared.
"How are you, I've hardly seen you all week," Kendall said.
"Yeah, I've been keeping a pretty low profile," Jared said, nodding his head. "I'm ok by the way. I'm glad I'm not at the Palm Woods anymore. Noah said they were camped out front for them the last few mornings trying to get any gossip they could."
"Yeah, it's a jungle out front too," Kendall said.
"Look, I don't really know what's going on with me and Kyle right now. I just know that he hurt me, but I still care about him. I don't want to break up, but like, he loves Miles, he told me. He told me he couldn't choose because he loves us both in very different ways and I don't know how to feel about that," Jared said.
"That's fair," Kendall nodded his head. "Do you still want him to tour with you guys? We still have Avery as an opener," he said.
"That is up to Kyle," Jared said, "I'm fine with him staying on if he is. I mean he's a platinum selling artist after all. I can put personal stuff aside and be professional. I don't know about Roldy, but I can."
"That's very big of you."
The two turned to see Kyle standing in the doorway. He had his arms crossed over his chest.
"I should go," Jared said.
"Don't leave on my account, I was just coming to let Dad know that I am stepping down from the tour. I don't think I'll be welcomed by the others considering the 'warm' greeting I just got on the way in," Kyle said, "spoiler alert but, Roldy cannot be professional."
"You don't have to quit the tour," Jared said.
"But I do, I think it would be better for everyone involved if I took a step back," Kyle said. "Anyways I gotta get going, I've got a lot of homework to do."
He turned and bolted from the office. Jared looked like he wanted to follow but thought better of it.
"Don't take him off the tour, give him some time to come around. This is all still fresh and he's acting impulsively," Jared said.
"I know, I won't. He's hurting and withdrawing from everyone," Kendall said.
"I'm worried about him," Jared said.
"Me too, but James and I are keeping a close eye on him," Kendall said.
"Please do, he's been circling the drain for months and I've been barely holding him up, I think this might be his breaking point," Jared said.
"He goes to school, then he comes home and locks himself in his room which James makes sure to bother him about every hour or so making sure he eats or drinks water," Kendall said.
"I fear without Miles around he might go off the deep end," Jared said.
"Me too, but he won't let us in," Kendall sighed. "Like I said James is keeping a close eye on him when he's home. Hell, last night alone James got up like ten times just to check on him."
—Happy Mistakes—
Jake laughed as he nudged Damien lightly. They were in the kitchen getting dinner ready. Jake was given salad duty since Damien said he could burn water if he wanted to. Damien was preparing veggies for the stir-fry.
Damien had taken a break from his task to mess with Jake. He stepped up behind him placing his hands on his hips and nipping at his ear.
"Stop," Jake giggled, bringing his head to his shoulder trying to fight away his husband's advances. Damien simply moved to the other side and started to kiss his neck.
"Why," Damien asked against his neck.
"Because I'm trying to get this sprout salad ready and I can't focus when you do that," Jake said.
"So, don't focus on that," Damien said, "focus on this," he said, pressing his hips into Jake's. Jake gasped as he felt his erection.
"Stop, we have to get dinner ready," Jake said.
"Nah, we can do that later," Damien said, "Eli is at your dads' and my dad won't be home till late." He whispered. He brought his hand around Jake's hip to his growing erection.
"Day," Jake gasped.
"Come on Jake," Damien said, "how about I take you right here?" -Jake's breath hitched-"bend you over the counter and fuck you nice and hard."
"Day," Jake whined, wiggling his hips.
"Is that a yes?" Damien asked.
He opened Jake's jeans. He shoved his hand into his underwear. Jake gasped as Damien grabbed him and started stroking him. Jake leaned into him. He turned his head so he could kiss him. Damien captured his lips in a filthy kiss.
Jake broke the kiss when the need for air became too great. Damien pushed him down over the counter. Jake braced himself as Damein pushed his jeans down. He slicked a finger with spit and teased his entrance.
"Damien," Jake whined.
"What Jake," Damien asked as he nipped at his neck.
"More, please," Jake panted.
"More what?" Damien asked, his voice rough with arousal now. He pressed the tip of his finger into Jake.
"More you," Jake gasped, "fuck."
Damien pulled his hand out and shoved his jeans down farther. He dropped to his knees behind Jake. Before Jake could even speak, he buried his tongue in his hole with a finger. Jake groaned, his head dropping to the counter.
"Yessss, that," Jake gasped.
He wiggled in his hold. It had been so long since they had had a moment alone. Between Damien's accident and Steve living with them.
Damien grinned as he worked him open. Jake was soon a panting writhing mess against the counter. Once Damien deemed him ready he stood up opening his jeans. Jake pushed himself up into his elbows. He looked over his shoulder.
"Shit, I don't have a condom," Damien said.
"Don't need one, just need you in me now, I'm on birth control," Jake said.
"Yeah and you were on birth control and Eli was conceived," Damien chuckled.
"Fair point, but I'm not on antibiotics anymore. I'll be fine this once, just fuck me," Jake said wiggling his hips.
"So eager," Damien chuckled as he opened his own jeans. He leaned over and Jake pressed himself against him.
"Yes, please," Jake said, "I need you. It's been too long."
"Yeah it has," Damien agreed.
"Lube?" Jake panted.
"Bedroom," Damien replied.
"Fuck," Jake grunted as he pushed himself back into Damien. "That's so far away," he whined.
"You are extra needy today," Damien chuckled.
"Yeah, I need you to fuck me, like five minutes ago," Jake said.
"But there's lube in the bedroom," Damien chuckled as he took a step back.
"Nooo," Jake said, pulling him back. "Get creative Day, you said you were gonna take me right here."
"Fuck, don't say I didn't warn you," Damien replied. He spit in his hand and slicked himself up. He lined himself up with Jake's entrance.
"I'm a big boy, I can handle it, it's not like we have done it before," Jake said. He groaned as Damien slipped into him. He dropped his head to the counter again. "Fuck that's good."
"God your so fucking sexy," Damien groaned.
He set a quick pace as he fucked Jake hard. Jake gasped and moaned pushing back against him. It was rough and fast. It was just what Jake didn't know he needed.
Damien set about cleaning up while Jake recovered.
"Shit, dad's home early," Damien hissed.
The two quickly redressed and ran to the sink to wash their hands. Jake returned to his salad prep by the time Steve opened the door.
"Boys I've got some news—" He said pausing.
"What?" Damien asked as he looked up from the veggies he was supposed to be cutting.
"I feel like I interrupted something," Steve said.
"No you're not interrupting. We are just making dinner. Veggie stir fry and Jake is making a sprout salad, with no knives cause he's a child and can't not cut himself," Damien said.
"Rude," Jake said, turning to face Damien.
"Right, anyways I've got some good news," Steve said.
"Are you finally moving out?" Damien asked.
"Damien," Jake scolded his husband.
"Actually yes," Steve said.
"I was joking, but you got an apartment," Damien asked.
"No, actually," Steve said slowly.
"Are you going back home with mom?" Damien asked.
"Yeah," Steve said, moving to stand at the counter across from them. "Confession time. I haven't really been working late."
"What have you been doing?" Jake asked.
"Camille and I have been going to some marriage counseling," Steve said.
"Is it helping?" Damien asked.
"A little bit, like I know we can never go back to the way things were, but we are trying to rebuild our trust," Steve said.
"Well good for you dad," Damien said.
"Yeah I know it will never be the same, but like these last few weeks apart have been awful I miss her and I still love her," Steve said, "we are starting over here, not necessarily square one, but as close as we can get."
"Well I hope you guys can work this out cause I don't really want to have two extra Christmas' to go to," Damien teased. Jake and Steve both laughed at that.
"Two?" Steve asked.
"Yeah, with Logan and Carlos now," Damien joked.
"That's—" Steve started.
"Kidding, I already celebrate with them cause they usually celebrate with Kendall and James," Damien said.
"Ok can you divorce your kid?" Steve asked, turning to Jake.
"Technically he's not your kid," Jake said.
"You're my favorite," Steve laughed.
"Hey now when you agreed to marry my mom you agreed to raise me like your own," Damein said pointing a finger at Steve. The three laughed at that.
—Happy Mistakes—
Lucas yawned as he leaned back against Artie. Leora had left not that long ago. Lucas was just dragging his feet. He knew he had to get going, but he didn't want to. He wanted to stay here with Artie.
"Lu," Artie said.
"I know, I should probably get going," Lucas sighed sitting up.
"I was gonna ask if you wanted a snack," Artie chuckled.
"Oh," Lucas said blushing.
"I'm not kicking you out, I rather like spending time with you," Artie chuckled.
"Even if I don't put out?" Lucas asked.
"I don't care about that, if you're not ready that's fine," Artie said, "you know that."
"Yeah, but I just…you're not getting bored of me?" Lucas asked.
"No, never," Artie said sitting up now. He grabbed Lucas' hand. "Is this about what Miles said at prom?"
"Maybe, I mean we've been together a long time now and I just…I don't want you to think I'm not interested I just…I'm nervous," Lucas said looking down at his lap. "Not because of you, but like what if I mess up? What if I'm not good at it? What-"
Artie silenced him with a kiss. Lucas smiled against his lips. They parted and rested their foreheads together.
"Honestly the first time is the worst. It always is, but practice makes perfect. I do not want to rush you. I don't want you to feel pressured to do anything. I am happy just being with you," Artie said.
"I know, but-" Lucas started.
"No buts, I will wait ten years if that's what you want. I am not with you to have sex. I am with you because you make me laugh, you are smart and cute, you make me feel loved in a world that doesn't understand me," Artie said.
"I love you," Lucas said smiling. He leaned in and kissed him.
"I love you too, nerd," Artie said once they parted.
"I'd be hurt, but you're not wrong," Lucas laughed. Artie joined in his laughter.
Lucas leaned in and kissed him again. Artie placed a hand on his cheek holding him close. He deepened the kiss. Lucas shifted until he was straddling his lap. He gasped as he felt Artie's tongue against his lips. Artie pulled the shy boy closer as he explored his mouth. Lucas squirmed in his hold, but didn't pull away.
Artie started trailing kisses down his neck. He nipped at the spot where his neck met his shoulder. It was a particular sensitive spot. Artie gave a small lick knowing that it drove Lucas wild.
"Lucas," Artie said.
"Hmm?" Lucas hummed, unable to speak properly yet.
"What are we doing?" Artie asked, "I don't want you to do something you'll regret just because you think you have to, you don't have to do anything.l
"Not sex, but maybe we could do a little more, I want you, I do, but I'm not ready for all of it yet," Lucas said shyly.
"Ok, if it gets to be too much tell me to stop," Artie said.
"I will," Lucas said.
Artie pulled him back down into a kiss. He then switched their positions so that Lucas was sitting on the couch and Artie was in his lap.
"Green is go, yellow is slow down, and red is stop," Artie said.
"Got it, I am so green right now," Lucas replied, "having you in my lap is very nice."
"I like it here," Artie replied with a smile. He leaned in and sealed their lips together.
—Happy Mistakes—
Miles dragged his feet as he got ready for school. Logan had put his foot down. He was forcing him to go to school today. He knew he should have asked Carlos. He knew if he waited long enough Layla and Lucas would leave with Leora. She had been picking them up all week.
He made his way to the bathroom. He did his business and washed his hands and face. He braced himself on the sink as he looked in the mirror. The person staring back at him looked exhausted and tired.
"You can do this," he told himself.
A knock at the door made him jump.
"Miles, you're gonna be late."
He opened the door and came face to face with Logan.
"Sorry," he said.
"Lucas and Layla left already, so get going," Logan said, his glare softened, "This isn't a punishment either. I know this sucks but you can't miss any more school."
"I know, but you weren't there. You didn't see all the stares and glares I got. I haven't even gone on my social media either. All the hate comments I've been getting," Miles said.
"Maybe we should see if we can get you in to see Sherri again," Logan said, referring to Miles' therapist he saw on and off over the last few years.
"It couldn't hurt," Miles agreed.
"I'll give her a call today and see what I can do," Logan said, "do you need anything for anxiety?"
"Maybe," Miles mumbled. He looked down at the floor. He hated this feeling so much. He had thought that he was over all this.
"Just take a breath. You can do this, ignore those other kids," Logan said.
"I know," Miles said.
"Besides, you're graduating in less than two months. After that you won't even see most of these people again," Logan said.
"Thanks for the pep talk," Miles said, moving past Logan. He headed to his room to grab his backpack. Logan followed him.
"Do you want me to ask her for something for anxiety?" Logan asked.
"No," Miles said. He paused and thought about it. "Maybe, at least for a little while anyways until I can see her and get this sorted out."
"Ok, I'll call and get some medication and an appointment for you," Logan said.
"Thanks," Miles said.
"Now off to school with you, go learn something and just focus on your work and forget the rest," Logan said.
"Easier said than done," Miles said. With that said, he left being sure to say goodbye to Carlos; who handed him a cereal and a bottle of juice to hold him over till Lunch.
The drive to school was longer than usual. He was running over every possible scenario he could. They mostly ended badly.
He parked his car and sat there for a few minutes. He took a few deep square breaths that he had been taught in therapy. He waited a moment to calm his racing heart.
He made his way into the school building. He kept his head down as he made his way to his locker. He heard his name whispered a few times and people were staring at him. Mostly girls, they were probably Jared's fangirls. He ignored them.
He stopped at his locker and opened it. Several folded notes fell to the ground. Miles jumped back as they scattered across the floor. He quickly started to pick them up as people started whispering and pointing at him.
Someone knelt beside him to help. He looked up at Millie and gave him a small smile.
"What are these?" Millie asked.
"Dunno, probably threats from Jared's crazy fangirls," Miles said loud enough for others to hear. "I'm just gonna throw them away."
"If these are death threats or threats of bodily harm you can press charges and get an investigation started. My dads a cop," Millie said.
"Don't worry about it," Miles said.
"This one is a death threat and it's signed with a name!," Millie said loud, ignoring Miles. People started to whisper again. "I say let's take these to the principal at least."
"It's fine," Miles said.
"No it's not," Millie said, taking the notes. She jumped up speaking louder. "You are human Miles. You made a mistake and deserve human kindness not harassment from crazy fangirls who will probably never even meet Jared."
Miles glanced around as some people looked away. Some of them even had the decency to look ashamed.
"Let's go, this is bullying and I won't stand for it," Millie said.
"Ok, yeah," Miles said, taking the notes back. "Thanks."
"Yeah, don't worry about it. While I may not agree with what happened, you are still Miles. You are human and we all make mistakes. I'm sorry you got dragged through the mud for it," Millie said.
Miles nodded his head. Millie linked her arm with his and led him down the hallway.
Millie made a scene too until the principal came out to talk to them. She showed him the threatening letters Miles had gotten and demanded she do something about it, otherwise she would bring them to her dad.
As they left the office together Millie smiled.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Miles asked as they walked along. The halls were empty now. First period had started.
"Like I said, yeah you messed up, and that is between you and Kyle and Leora, but you still deserve human kindness. Kyle too," Millie said.
"Maybe you're not so evil after all," Miles said.
"Hey now, don't go spreading that rumor. I've got a reputation to protect," Millie joked.
"Thanks," Miles said, smiling at her.
"Give Layla and Lucas a little more time. They'll come around, but I think you should apologize to Leora," Millie said.
"I've been trying but she won't answer my calls or texts. I feel so bad about all of this," Miles sighed.
"It sucks that you have to go through this so publicly too," Millie said.
"Yeah, I haven't even looked at my social media in days. My videos have all been flooded with more hate comments and I've lost so many subscribers too, not that I care about that, but like people are vicious," Miles said.
"Well, you've got me on your side," Millie said.
They arrived at her class first. They said their goodbyes. Miles are his way to his class. He get a little better now. Having someone on his side made things not seem so hopeless.
He entered his class and walked up to his teacher.
"You're late," she said.
"I was with Mr. Masters," Miles said, presenting her a tardy slip. "Don't believe me, call him." He then took his seat in the back away from Lucas and Leora who were both staring at him.
—Happy Mistakes—
Kyle made his way to the kitchen with the five glasses James had given him just this afternoon. He was always bringing water up to him as a way of checking on him. It was starting to get on his nerves.
He entered the kitchen and saw Leora there making herself a snack. She looked up at him for a second and then back down to the food she was preparing.
Kyle quickly moved to the sink and set the glasses down. He turned to leave but Leora was now facing him with a glare.
"What?" He asked.
"I just wanna know why?" Leora said.
"I couldn't tell you I don't understand it myself. Something changed after New Years," Kyle sighed.
"New Years? You guys were together before I even asked him out?" Leora said her jaw was tightening.
"Uh…kinda," Kyle said slowly. "When you asked him out I told him to go for it. We weren't serious and I thought if he started dating you these feelings I had would go away."
"Oh my god, this whole time you two have been-" Leora started his jaw dropping.
"No it stopped at first," Kyle said quickly, "but like I couldn't stay away and neither could he. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was just helping him figure out his sexuality and that was that but then, I don't know, something changed."
"This whole time Miles and I have been together you two have been together," Leora asked hung up on that detail.
"Yes Leora," Kyle sighed.
He knew she wasn't listening anymore. Her jaw tightened again. Her face screwed up in anger.
"I can't believe you two, this just…what was this a game? Let's fuck with Leora's emotions and make her fall for you and then surprise I'm actually fucking your brother," Leora spat.
"Yes totally my only thought was how can I fuck up Leora's life. Is that what you want me to say," Kyle said annoyed.
"Screw you," Leora said.
"You're not listening to me," Kyle sighed. "You only hear what you want to hear. I can apologize until I'm blue in the face but I wouldn't matter. As long as you're the victim here."
"I am the victim. You could have told me you were starting to like Miles and I would have backed off," Leora said.
"You didn't even want him until you heard he was unavailable," Kyle snapped. anger was building within now. She wasn't listening to him. She only wanted an argument. "You freaked out when he was with Sara and we all thought you were finally gonna ask him out and then he broke up with her and you stopped showing any interest at all. Hell he was trying to flirt with you at No and Ro's wedding and you paid him no mind."
"No he didn't," Leora daid.
"Yes he did! Ask anybody who was there, he got tired of trying and failing so he moved on. Then when you heard he was fooling around with someone you got all jealous again. He wasn't even gonna go out with you until I told him to," Kyle said.
"Fuck you, you asshole," Leora said her eyes stinging with tears now.
"What's going on here?" James asked. He and Kendall walked into the room. They looked between the two.
"Nothing," Leora said, pushing her way past them forgetting her snack.
"Let it go," Kendall said to Kyle.
"Why? She hasn't?" Kyle said ducking past Kendall. He chased Leora up the stairs. She turned to glare at him. "I mean why would he want to date someone like you who is insanely jealous, domineering, and shrill!"
"At least I wasn't dating someone else and keeping him like some dirty little secret," Leora shouted.
"That's enough," Kendall said as he and James followed them up the stairs. Kendall placed a hand on Kyle's shoulder trying to get his attention.
"It was his idea!" Kyle shouted, jerking away from Kendall. "I tried to end it a couple times but he kept coming back. Especially after that disastrous first kiss."
"Shut up," Leora said her anger building.
"And that time I walked in on you, he told me he was thinking about me the whole time," Kyle said.
"Kyle, that's enough," James said, stepping up to Leora trying to get her to stop as well.
"Why? She wants a fight so I'll give her one. She won't listen to anything else. She thinks she knows what happened," Kyle yelled. His rage was burning hot now. There was no reasoning with him.
"You just do whatever you want, consequences be damned and I'm sick of it. I'm done making excuses for you. You hurt me," Leora said.
"And I can only apologize so many times," Kyle spat, "but you don't truly want an apology. You just wanna be right and be mad!"
"You two need to cool it," Kendall said, raising his voice.
"You don't care about who you hurt, as long as you get what you want," Leora said.
"Yes I'm just an awful person. I don't care about anyone, are you happy now?" Kyle asked.
"I can't wait to go to New York and get away from you," Leora said.
"Yes, run away, cause all I do is cast a shadow that's too big for you. Poor little Leora the forgotten sibling, her brothers shine too bright for her," Kyle said.
"Kyle," Kendall said.
Kyle just shook his head. He took off back down the stairs. Kendall followed him.
"Kyle, wait," Kendall said.
"No, forget it. I'm done, I quit. I'm just the bad guy, always," Kyle said, shaking his head. He grabbed his backpack.
"Kyle," Kendall said at a loss for words, "just hold on a minute here."
Kyle just shook his head. He grabbed his car keys and bolted out the door. He needed to get away.
—Happy Mistakes—
Leora made her way into the Palm Woods. She had called Lucas asking him if he was busy. She needed to get away. He was with Artie and They both told her to come over. Leora snuck out past Kendall and Hames who were now arguing about her and Kyle's argument.
She arrived at Artie's apartment and knocked. The door opened to reveal Lucas who pulled her inside quickly.
"Leora," Artie greeted.
"What happened?" Lucas asked.
"Kyle's a jerk," Leora said, tears springing forth. She looked away from the two.
"Yeah he's been on a downward spiral all week," Lucas said, leading her to the couch. He sat down beside her.
"It was bad," Leora said, letting her tears fall. "We both said some pretty mean things but he…he crossed a line again."
"Like what?" Lucas asked.
Leora replayed some of the argument. She told them about what Kyle had said about Miles thinking about him while he was with her. She told him what she had said back and how much it hurt that her brother now hated her too.
"I mean I was mad at him for this, but like I never hated him. I just need time to process all this shit and heal, but no he's gotta be a jerk and ruin everything," Leora said, now fully crying. Lucas hugged her.
"Well this is all still fresh," Artie said from her other side. Leora looked over at him confused.
"What?" She asked.
"The hurt, it's fresh and people say the worst things when they are hurting. Trust me I know," Artie relied.
"Your mom?" Lucas asked.
"Yeah, when I came out to my mom, she didn't understand and we got into a fight with her telling me I was no child of hers. I told her good I was glad she thought so too and I packed up and haven't talked to her since."
"Wow," Leora said.
"Don't let that happen to you and Kyle," Artie said.
"I think it's a little too late for that," Leora sighed.
She jumped as her phone started to ring. She fished it from her pocket, expecting it to be James or Kendall. Instead it was Kyle.
Lucas took her phone and sent it to voicemail. "It's probably best if you let that one go for now."
"Yeah," Leora nodded her head.
A knock at the door caught their attention. Lucas looked at Artie confused.
"Are you expecting someone?" Lucas asked as Artie stood up. He shrugged as he walked to the door.
"No," Artie said. He opened the door to reveal Lilly.
She spotted Leora and greeted Artie quickly before running over to Leora. She fell down beside her and threw her arms around her.
"I got here as quickly as I could," Lilly said.
"I honestly wasn't expecting you until tomorrow," Leora said, "how did you even know I was here?"
"Lucky guess, and after my last class today I just said screw it and I started driving," Lilly said, "you look like you've been crying what happened?"
"Kyle and I got into another fight," Leora said, fresh tears springing to her eyes.
"Here, would you two like something to drink? A snack maybe?" Artie asked.
"Do you still have Lemonade?" Leora asked.
"Yeah, Lilly?" Artie asked.
"Lemonade is fine?" Lilly said.
"What about you nerd?" Artie asked Lucas with a smile.
"I can help," Lucas said, jumping up. He ran to the kitchen with a laughing Artie behind him.
—Happy Mistakes—
Kyle sighed as he looked out over LA. He just needed to get away from everything. Out here he wasn't Kyle Knight, a platinum selling artist who had betrayed his fans and his family. He was just Kyle. He was a nobody, even if only for a few moments. Things had fallen apart so quickly. Nothing was ever going to be the same.
This past week had been hard, to say the least. He had known Martin was gonna do something in retaliation to Miles punching him, but he had hoped it wouldn't spread as fast. Everything had spiraled out of control so fast.
He leaned back laying across the windshield of his car. He closed his eyes, pressing his palms to his face. This sucked big time.
He thought back to the threatening notes he had been getting in school or the harassing comments he saw online. A lot of those crazy fans were telling him he just needed to end it all. He wasn't worth anything. Maybe they were right, maybe he should just end it. That way he would hurt anyone. He wouldn't feel anything.
"You are so predictable."
Kyle sat up and turned around. He saw Jayda walking up to him. He hadn't heard her car pull up. He slid off his car.
"Am I?" He asked.
"Yeah, everyone is worried about you," Jayda said.
"Really? Cause everyone I saw today wanted to yell at me," Kyle said.
"Your dads showed up at my moms looking for you. They are worried, they said you and Leora got into a big argument," Jayda said.
"Yeah, then I drove around for a bit," Kyle said leaning back against his car.
"And ended up here," Jayda said, walking over to him. She leaned next to him and looked out over the city. "Last time I was here was right before I left for Europe with you and Miles. We all made a promise to always be friends no matter where life took us."
"Yeah, I've been a real shitty friend lately," Kyle said, hanging his head.
"To be fair, Miles told me everything weeks ago and I've kind of been avoiding you, but I also realized I never asked your side of things," Jayda said.
"What is there to know, I'm impulsive and reckless. I don't think before I act and I just fuck everything up," Kyle said.
"Cut the crap," Jayda said with a frown. "I can see right through you Kyle Knight." Kyle sighed as he hung his head. Jayda turned to face him fully. "Look, I'm here to listen and be a friend, but if you shut me out I can't help."
"I'm sorry," Kyle said, "it's just a reflex at this point."
"So now tell me what happened," Jayda said.
"I guess it all started after Noah and Roldy's wedding. Miles had basically given up on Leora and there was this guy that hit on him at the resort" Kyle said.
"Oh, he didn't tell me about that," Jayda said.
"Yeah, but he had been questioning his sexuality for a little bit anyways. Then on New Years as a joke I kissed him. You know to shut him up about complaining about not having someone to kiss. Then I caught him making out with the guy from the resort, which is when I realized he was questioning his sexuality," Kyle explained.
"So New Years," Jayda said.
"Yeah, it was a few days after that he kissed me again for no reason. No one was around and he just kissed me. It was strange," Kyle said looking down at the ground.
"Strange how?" Jayda asked him.
"I wanted to do it again," Kyle said, "I wanted to kiss my best friend. It wasn't til a week or two later that we really started this thing and then we couldn't stop. All the while I still loved Jared and still do. I care about them both and I never meant to hurt either of them. I just…I don't understand any of this." He turned away from her as tears sprang to his eyes. Jayda placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey it's ok to be confused," Jayda said.
"But I'm not," Kyle said, spinning around to face her. "I love them both for very different reasons. Jared is my opposite. He sees things the opposite of me and challenges my views and makes me better for it. Miles on the other hand, he knows me like nobody else does. He gets me in a way not even Leora does. He knows what I need before even I know. He's been there for me since as long as I can remember. I know what he's thinking and we can anticipate each other's stupidity."
"Wow," Jayda said.
"But it doesn't matter anymore. Neither of them want anything to do with me anymore," Kyle said.
"I can see how it would feel like that right now, but give it some time. I know Miles and he's probably upset now, but there are only two people in the whole world that he trusts with his secrets and we are both right here," Jayda said.
"No, he hates me. I'm sure I've lost the privilege," Kyle said.
"Why do you think that," Jayda asked.
"He walked out on me. He told me it was over, because I couldn't choose," Kyle said, "it doesn't get any clearer than that."
"You guys are so over dramatic," Jayda sighed.
"Gee thanks, I'm feeling loads better knowing I'm just overreacting now," Kyle said dryly.
"Shut up," Jayda said. "What I meant is just go talk to him. Tell him how you feel."
"I already have. I told him everything I told you!" Kyle snapped. "I'm done with this 'feelings' bullshit. All it ever does is get me hurt. I can't do this anymore."
"You don't mean that," Jayda said.
"Yeah I do, I can't keep putting myself out there and coming up empty. It sucks and I just…I can't," Kyle said, his tears coming back. He didn't want to feel anymore.
"Kyle," Jayda said softly.
"I just can't take it anymore. All this pressure to find the perfect person, to do good in school, to make another album bigger and better than the last, to be a perfect role model for kids," Kyle said, his hands coming up to his ears. All he could hear was the thumping of his own heart. "I can't take this pressure anymore. I don't wanna even be alive anymore!"
"Kyle," Jayda said shocked.
His heart was beating way too fast now. It was starting to get unbearable. Panic was setting in.
"What's the point anymore?" Kyle asked, slumping against his car. His breath was coming in short.
"Knock it off, you have so much left to love for. You made one mistake this doesn't define you," Jayda said.
"It's the same mistakes I've made over and over again. I cheated on Lilly with Jared and then Jared with Lilly, but we had broken up, and now…god maybe I should just end it all," Kyle said.
"Stop, don't even go there," Jayda said, frowning.
"Why? All those kids at school tell me that I should just end it," Kyle said looking out across the city. His heart was pounding in his ears still. It was getting louder.
"Are you ok?" Jayda asked, looking at him.
"M'fine," Kyle said. The thumping was getting louder. His chest felt tight now. His breath came in short pants.
"Kyle," Jayda said, stepping in front of him. "Slow down, take a breath."
He couldn't focus on her. His chest was tight. The thumping just wouldn't stop. No matter how hard he pressed his hands to his ears.
"What's wrong?" Jayda asked, prying his hands away. "Panic attack?"
Kyle dug into his pocket pulling out his pill bottle. He fumbled with it and it slipped from his grip. Jayda quickly picked it up.
"Kyle!" She gasped. "This isn't even yours? How many did you take?"
"All of them," Kyle said as his stomach started to churn. He felt like he might be sick.
Jayda pulled out her cellphone. Kyle slid until he was sitting on the ground. His legs couldn't hold him up anymore. He heard Jayda talking to someone but he wasn't sure who it was. He could barely hear her over the pounding of his own heart.
Suddenly she was in his face looking at him. She was talking rather fast. Most of it was about him.
"Shh," Kyle shushed her. She was being too loud.
"I don't know how long it's been. He just said he took all of them. I don't know how many there were," Jayda said, she then started rattling off directions to where they were. He turned away from her and puked. Jayda jumped back quickly. She was still talking to someone.
Kyle closed his eyes as he leaned back against his car. He just wanted this all to end. He didn't want to face the world anymore. He couldn't do it.
"Kyle, stay with me." She pleaded with him.