Chapter 47: Put the Blame on Me
Jared tossed his car keys in the dish by the door. He tossed his jacket in the closet not really caring about hanging it up right now. He made his way down the hallway to the kitchen, looking for food. There was a lot of food that Kyle had bought with plans for making dinner. Jared knew what was intended but he knew he would never be able to make it as good. With a sigh he ordered a pizza.
He made his way to the living room. He decided to watch some TV to get his mind off of things while he waited for his food.
He started scrolling through Netflix and paused when he saw the shows he had been watching with Kyle. His heart sank at the thought. They had been working their way through a lot of shows together. He couldn't bring himself to watch any of them.
His phone rang causing him to jump. He fished it from his pocket and saw Kyle's name on the screen. He watched it ring, unable to bring himself to answer it. He wanted to talk to Kyle. He wanted to tell him to come over and cook dinner or watch their shows or even mess around in the studio down stairs. He just wanted Kyle to be here with him.
The ringing stopped. A tear slid down his cheek. Jared brought his hand up to his cheek surprised. He hadn't even realized the tear was there. He wiped his eyes and tossed his phone down on the table. He hadn't expected a phone call to get that much of a reaction from him.
He sat back on the couch. He closed his eyes remembering all the good times they had had recently. All the laughter and talk about the future. Kyle had been dead set on moving in after graduation. Jared had wanted him to move in. Had been looking forward to it. Now he wasn't sure what was gonna happen.
His doorbell ringing caught his attention. He jumped up and made his way to the door. He saw the pizza guy on his front gate camera. He buzzed him in. He met him in the driveway. He paid cash and waited until he was on the other side of the gate and it was closed before he headed back inside.
He made his way to the living room. He set the pizza down and put on a random movie for background noise. He just needed a distraction. Halfway through the movie once he had his fill of pizza he grabbed his phone. He saw he had a voicemail from Kyle. He stared at it for a moment before he decided to listen to it. Pausing the movie, he put it on speaker.
"Hey Jer," Kyle said softly. He paused. "I don't know what I'm doing honestly. I had really hoped you'd pick up. I called Miles too, but he didn't answer either. No one wants to talk to me I guess. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted…I don't know. I'd understand if you wanted to break up. I'm just the worst. I really should just end it."
"What," Jared gasped shocked.
"I'm worthless. You deserve someone so much better than me. Goodbye."
The line went dead. Jared jumped up in a panic. He ran to the door, grabbing us keys as he dialed Kyle's number. That hadn't been that long ago. It went to voicemail. He cursed as he hung up and dialed again.
"Come on Kyle, pick up the phone!"
Jared opened the door and ran to his car. The call went to voicemail again. He cursed again. He barely had time to register that Roldy and Noah were here with Matt. They all looked at him confused.
"Hey, thought we would come check on you," Matt said.
"I don't have time, I gotta go," Jared shouted as he ran to his car.
"Where's the fire?" Roldy asked.
"It's Kyle, I think he's gone off the deep end, I gotta go," Jared said panicked.
"What do you mean?" Noah asked.
"I'm not sure, but he might…I might even be too late," Jared said as he looked down at his phone. He quickly called Kendall.
"Hey Jared, what's up I'm a little busy. Kyle took off and we can't find him," Kendall said.
"I know he called me and left a voicemail. I think he's gonna-" Jared stopped. He couldn't bring himself to say those words.
"He wouldn't," Kendall said slowly, almost as if he didn't believe his own words.
"What happened? What triggered him?" Jared asked.
"He got into an argument with Leora. It was bad, and he took off and we can't find him. We already have Jayda out looking for him, we called Carlos and Logan too, they are gonna keep an eye out for him," Kendall said.
"I know where he is," Jared said, "there's an outlook over the city. Him and Miles go there all the time to get away."
"I know where that is-wait what?" Kendall said. Jared heard another voice, probably James. "What do you mean?"
He listened to them talk muffled. He couldn't make out what James was saying. He could hear the panic in his voice, and heard words like The words ambulance and hospital and pills.
"Kendall what's going on?" Jared asked, confused.
"Jayda found him," Kendall said slowly.
"Is he ok?" Jared asked, panic setting in.
"I don't know, he took an entire bottle of pills, he's on his way to the hospital," Kendall said slowly, as if the words were foreign to him.
"This is all my fault. Ignored his call. I saw him calling and I just let it ring," Jared said his knees felt like they were about to give out. He jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked over his shoulder and saw Noah standing there.
"No, it's my fault I never should have let him leave the house, I gotta go," Kendall said.
"Yeah, just let me know," Jared said. Kendall promised to update him before he hung up.
"What's wrong?" Noah asked. Jared turned to Noah.
"It's all my fault. I ignored his call. I let it ring and go to voicemail and I forgot about it. He called me almost an hour ago, and I-I ignored him," Jared said, tears springing to his eyes.
"It's not your fault," Noah said.
"He took an entire bottle of pills," Jared said, staring blankly at Noah. His vision was a little hazy.
"What?" Roldy asked from beside him. Jared jumped. He hadn't realized that he was so close. Matt was right there too.
"Let's go inside," Matt said. He placed a hand on Jared's shoulder and steered him inside. Noah and Roldy followed them.
—Happy Mistakes—
Miles dragged himself out of bed. He looked around. The sunlight in his room was fading. A glance at his alarm clock told him it was only after six. He hadn't slept that long.
He had managed to survive a day at school. Millie had been awesome too. After she made a scene, people seemed to stop. He didn't get any more harassing notes. She was awesome, even if she was a tad bit evil at times.
Once he got home, he had decided to take a nap and get off social media for a bit. It would do him no good to keep reading all those comments. He had turned his phone off to not be tempted to even look at it.
With a yawn and a stretch he grabbed his phone, turning it on. Once it was on it went crazy with notifications. He had several missed texts and phone calls from Kyle, among the many social media notifications too. He read through the texts as fast he could. They got more worrisome the closer to the end he got. He then checked the voicemails Kyle left him.
"Hey, I know you're probably purposely ignoring me. I mean if I were you I would too. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
He sounded upset, but not trying to. Miles knew he was holding back.
"Me again, but I'm sure you know that. I-I just wanted to talk. Things got bad with Le. You know where to find me, the usual spot. If you want. If you don't, that's ok too." He paused for a moment. "I hope you're ok. I know the jerks at school can be awful. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I wish I could take it all back. If I could go back I would do things so differently, but I can't. I'm sorry for the way that I used you, but you know you hurt me pretty good too. We both are at fault here, me more so than you. I just…I'm sorry. Yeah so, you know where to find me if you want."
Miles stood and started searching for a pair of jeans. He grabbed the first pair he could find and wrestled them on as he listened to the next voicemail.
"I know you're ignoring this but I just wanted you to know that, I love you and I'm sorry. I can't take this pressure anymore. I want you to know how sorry I am. I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. By the time you get this, it'll probably be too late. I'm just sorry for everything I put you through. I am sorry to Jared for sneaking around behind his back. I'm sorry to Leora too, she didn't do anything to deserve this. I never should have told you to go out with her. I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect person everyone wanted me to be."
There was a pause. Miles heard a faint rattle. It sounded like a pill bottle. His heart sank and he stood stock still. He heard Kyle mutter something under his breath and more rattling.
"I'm sorry Miles. I love you."
The line went dead. That was his last message from about an hour ago. He ran from the room. He was caught at the door as he grabbed his keys. Carlos and Jayda exited the kitchen.
"I gotta go," Miles said quickly.
"Miles," Jayda said.
"It's Kyle, he's in trouble, I gotta go," Miles said.
"We know," Carlos said.
Miles turned around. He saw the tears in Jayda's eyes. She walked up to him. His heart started to race. This wasn't gonna be good.
"Kendall and James called me telling me that he ran off and I went looking for him," Jayda said.
"Is he ok?" Miles asked.
"I don't know, it didn't look good when I left," Jayda admitted, "he's at the hospital. He took a bunch of pills."
"What?" Miles asked, "was it Adderall?" He asked. His knees started to wobble.
"How did you know that?" Jayda asked, as she walked up to him. She placed a hand on his arm.
"He started using them as a pick me up a few months back and he told me he would quit and for the longest time he did. He even let me watch him get rid of them," Miles said, "he must've started again."
"I came to let you know," Jayda said.
"What are we still doing here?" Miles asked.
"Miles, Kendall and James are with him," Carlos said.
"And I will be too," Miles said, "ride or die. I am not abandoning him now."
He took off out the door. He heard them both follow him.
"I'll drive," Jayda said, snatching his keys from him. She handed them to Carlos.
"Miles, it's not looking good," Carlos warned him.
"I don't care, I need to be there no matter the outcome," Miles said. Carlos nodded his head and pulled him into a hug.
"I hope he's ok," Carlos said as he let him go.
—Happy Mistakes—
Kendall's leg bounced as he waited. He was anxious. James was no better next to him. They had gotten a call from Jayda that Kyle was on his way to the hospital after taking a bottle of pills.
"I knew we should have talked to him this morning," Kendall sighed.
"Don't do that," James said, turning to him. He grabbed his hand.
"No, we wanted to talk to him and he blew us off. He was upset and we just let him go," Kendall said looking down at his lap.
"Like we always do cause we always do something wrong in his eyes. You had no way of knowing he'd do this," James said.
"I could have tried harder to get through to him," Kendall said.
"Stop, what's done is done, let's just hope and pray that he's ok," James said. He pulled Kendall into his arms. Kendall let out a breath and allowed James to hold him.
They sat there in a tense silence. Neither of them knew what to say. All they knew was that Kyle was back there fighting for his life.
"Kendall!"
They both looked up as Miles ran into the room. Kendall was on his feet in second to catch the boy and stop him from tripping over his own feet. Jayda followed after him.
"I'm so sorry, I had my phone off," Miles said, tears welling in his eyes.
"Miles, you had no idea this was gonna happen," Kendall said, pulling him into a hug.
"But it's my fault," Miles said, shaking his head. "I pushed him away and told him to make a decision. I should have just left it alone."
"Miles you had no way of knowing this was gonna happen," James said standing up. He walked up to him. "This isn't your fault."
"What happened this weekend?" Kendall asked.
"At Prom?" Miles asked. "One of the underclassmen blackmailed him into coming so he could get crowned King. He was gonna have Kyle name him king no matter what result."
"What?" Kendall asked.
"Yeah, apparently he caught us a few weeks ago sneaking off, and he threatened to tell Leora and expose him and Kyle didn't want that so he went along. Then I guess he had a panic attack. I found him alone and well I'm sure you've seen the story by now," Miles said, looking away from Kendall and James.
"Kind of hard to miss," Kendall said.
"Anyways he ran away before we could even really talk about it and when I found him again that fucking snake Martin Hollis was forcing himself on Kyle. I saw red and I punched him. Kyle and I left after that. We talked for a bit and one thing led to another and yeah," Miles said, his cheeks going red. "The next morning we talked some more, but he still refused to break up with Jared so I left. I told him he needed to sort himself out and to find me once he did."
"So this Martin, he leaked the story," Kendall said.
"Yeah, I was expecting it, since I punched him but I was hoping to get to Leora before he did," Miles said, "I never meant to hurt her or Kyle. I just…this wasn't supposed to happen."
"Miles, have a seat," James said, leading him to a chair.
"How long has this been going on?" Kendall asked as he joined them.
"New Years," Miles said looking down at the ground. "It wasn't serious at first. It was just fooling around and me figuring things out. Then Leora asked me out and Kyle pushed me to go out with her. We kind of stopped things but by that point I think I already had feelings for him." He hung his head ashamed. "I'm sorry."
"Look I'm not happy about how this happened, it could have been handled differently, but it happened and there is no taking it back," Kendall said.
"So now what?" Miles asked, looking up at him.
"We wait," Kendall said slowly.
"Do the others know?" Jayda asked.
"No, we haven't told them yet, and we would appreciate it if you didn't either. We don't want to have them all rush here until we know more," Kendall said. Jayda and Miles nodded their heads.
The four sat in silence. Jayda held Miles close as Kendall and James sat together holding hands, trying to comfort the other. No one spoke.
"Kendall? James?"
They looked up as Logan and another doctor walked into the waiting room. Kendall jumped up and was on him in seconds.
"Is he gonna be ok?" Kendall asked.
"We're not out of the woods yet," Logan said, "this is Dr. Sam Little. She's the ICU doctor and will be taking over his care. We pumped his stomach, but the fact that he threw up before he arrived is a good sign. Hopefully he threw most of it up."
"What was it," James asked.
"Adderall," Miles said, walking up to them. Logan looked over at him surprised. "He started taking them last fall and he agreed to stop and we got rid of them together but I didn't realize he started again," explained.
"What are you doing here?" Logan asked him.
"You think I'm gonna abandon him now?" Miles asked with fire in his eyes.
"Adderall is definitely a top contender, considering the bottle that was found, but we are not going to rule anything out. A toxicology test is being run right now," Sam said. "Like Dr. Mitchell said he's doing the best he can given the circumstances."
"This is all my fault, I should have paid more attention," Miles said.
"Are we gonna be able to see him?" Kendall asked.
"He's being moved up to the ICU, but he hasn't regained consciousness yet," Sam said. She looked at Jayda and Miles.
"They are coming too," Kendall said, "his best friends."
"Plus I don't think you could stop Miles," James said.
"You'll have to drag me out kicking and screaming. Kyle is my best friend and I am going to make this right. Nothing is stopping me," Miles said.
"Same," Jayda said, "I'm not leaving his side until I know he's ok."
"I'll have an ICU nurse come get you when he's ready," Sam said. She took her exit.
Logan hung back. He turned to Miles. "Walk with me." He said.
"I'm fine," Miles said.
"Just a quick walk, I'll bring you up to the ICU myself," Logan said, stepping up behind him and placing his hands on his shoulders as he started to lead him away.
"Fine," Miles sighed.
"Jayda sweetie, how are you doing," James asked, turning to her.
"As well as to be expected when you see one of your best friends break down and tell
you that he just wants to die and to leave him alone, and then watch him almost die," Jayda replied. James stepped up to her.
"Thank you," James said, "if you hadn't found him when you did…" he trailed off. Kendall placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Yeah, the stars aligned just right this time," Jayda said, allowing James to pull her into a hug.
"I suppose we should call the other three then," Kendall sighed.
"I'll call Carlos and have him get them together," James said.
"Yeah, that sounds good," Kendall said.
—Happy Mistakes—
Adam was moving about the apartment cleaning up after dinner while Cooper got the kids ready for bed. His phone rang. He ran to the living room to grab it. He saw Carlos was calling him.
"Hello," he said.
"Are you guys busy?" Carlos asked in greeting.
"His Carlos, I'm doing good by the way, kids are crazy but they always are," Adam teased.
"Sorry, hi, are you busy right now?" Carlos asked.
"We are about to bathe the demons for bed," Adam said.
"I need you guys to come to the condo," Carlos said.
"What? Why," Adam asked, confused, his smile faltering.
"Something happened. I need you all to come to the condo now. I already called Jake and Damien and they are on their way," Carlos said.
"What happened?" Adam asked, his smile fading away completely.
"I'd rather not do this over the phone, just please come to the condo," Carlos said.
"Yeah, give me like like twenty minutes-ish," Adam said.
"Half hour, I'll see you there," Carlos said.
They said a quick goodbye and hung up. Adam made his way to the bathroom. Cooper had Miri and Kenny in the bath.
"Hey, Carlos just called and said something happened. He asked us to come over to the condo, all of us," Adam said.
"What happened?" Cooper asked, looking up at him.
"Don't know, he wouldn't say. He just said we needed to get over there. It sounded urgent," Adam said.
"Ok, we can go," Cooper said. He turned to the kids. "Looks like bath time is over. We are gonna go for a car ride."
"Ride!" Miri cheered.
Adam helped Cooper get the kids dried off and dressed. The ride to the condo was spent in tense silence. Adam was wracking his brain trying to figure out what was wrong. Was it something with Kendall or James? Why didn't they call? Or maybe Kyle, Leora, or Jenny. They all lived with them still. His brain was coming up with every bad scenario it could and thinking of the worst possible outcome.
"Hey, just relax, we don't know anything yet," Cooper said, reaching over for his hand. Adam let him lace their fingers together.
"Sorry, but he sounded serious like someone was hurt or something," Adam said.
"Just relax, let's not jump to conclusions," Cooper said.
They arrived at the condo as another familiar car arrived. Adam got the kids out as Lilly, Leora, and Lucas joined them. Adam also noticed Jake's car was already here. They got the kids out with Leora taking Kenny and Lilly grabbing Miri.
"Did Papi call you guys too?" Lilly asked as she smiled at Miri who was babbling away.
"Yeah he said there was some kind of emergency," Adam said.
"But he wouldn't say it over the phone right?" Leora asked.
"Yeah," Adam said.
"Let's head in," Cooper suggested.
They all made their way inside. Jake and Damien were already in the living room. They were sitting silently side by side. Miri squirmed until Lilly put her down. She ran to Damien who smiled and scooped her up.
"Ow?" She asked, touching his stomach.
"Not anymore, it's all better," Damien assured her, "well mostly."
"No Eli?" Adam asked.
"He was sleeping and dad said he'd watch him," Damien replied.
"What's going on?" Leora asked as she passed a squirmy Kenny back to Cooper.
"Don't know, Carlos just said to come here ASAP," Jake said shrugging.
"Well considering who's missing, I can only assume it's about Kyle," Cooper said looking around the room.
"He ran away, if they want us to start looking for him, you can count me out," Leora said.
"Whoa, what did I miss?" Jake asked.
"He's an asshole who only cares about himself. I'm done making excuses for him," Leora said.
"Simmer down, you've both been going through a lot," Lucas said.
"No, if he wants to be a jerk and run away and make everyone worry forget it. Not after what he said to me earlier," Leora said.
"Ah, yes I remember that phase, right Adam," Jake asked looking at him.
"Oh my god you were so annoying," Adam laughed.
"Him and Miles got together up north over New Years! The whole time Miles and I we're together he was with Kyle," Leora said angrily. "Like I don't understand how they could do something so cruel. Like why did he even agree to go on a date if he was seeing someone else?"
"I didn't know it was that long," Jake said, shocked.
"Wow, but come on Leora, he's still your brother. You two shared a womb," Adam said.
"Yeah, and he betrayed me in the worst way, I'm done," Leora said, shaking her head.
"Am I interrupting?"
Everyone looked to the doorway as Carlos entered the room. He had Jenny in his arms as she snoozed. Erika and Layla followed him in as well.
"What's going on?" Adam asked quickly
"Where are dad and pops?" Jake asked.
"And Kyle?" Adam added.
"So something happened tonight," Carlos said. He sighed as he seemed to choose his words carefully.
"What? Are you gonna keep us in the dark?" Layla asked.
"I'm not really sure how to say this," Carlos said slowly.
"What's wrong? Did Kyle get into another accident?" Jake asked.
"Not exactly," Carlos said, "he…uh…took a whole bottle of Adderall we believe, he is in the ICU and it's not looking good."
"What?" Leora asked, her eyes going wide.
"Seriously?" Jake asked.
"No way," Adam said.
Leora slid into a chair at Lilly's direction. Damien grabbed Jake's hand, and Cooper passed Kenny to Layla and placed an arm around Adam guiding him to the couch. The room was filled with a tense silence.
No one knew what to say. The words hung in the air. Even Carlos seemed to be at a loss for words. The silence stretched as everyone absorbed the news.
"Was it because of the threats he got at school?" Erika asked, startling them.
"Threats?" Carlos asked.
"It's my fault, we got into a fight earlier and….he called…" Leora said slowly. She jumped up digging her phone from her pocket. She checked her phone and saw a voicemail. "He left me a message and I ignored it." Tears sprang to her eyes.
Lilly moved to stand but Jake and Adam were faster. They quickly enveloped her in a hug. Leora just stood there, tears spilling down her cheeks.
"It's not your fault baby sister," Jake said.
"No, you were both angry and said things you didn't mean. You had no idea he was gonna do this. It's not your fault," Adam said.
"Siblings fight, ask Adam how many times I told him I never wanted to see him again or that I couldn't wait to move out to get away from him," Jake said.
"I've lost count," Adam replied.
"If-if…the last thing we said to each other-I didn't mean it," Leora sobbed.
"It won't be the last thing you say," Adam said.
Jake guided Leora to the couch and sat down beside her. Adam followed, sitting on her other side. Leora leaned on Jake, wiping at her tears. Adam grabbed a tissue from the coffee table and handed it to her.
"Sorry, but what threats," Carlos asked.
"Inside joke fangirls, Millie said she helped Miles the other day bring like fifty notes to the principal that all threatened harm or death. Some even told him to…uh…you know. I can only assume Kyle got the same stuff," Erika said.
"If not worse, cause you know, he's famous too," Layla said.
"Ok so here's the plan," Carlos said, clasping his hands together. "First of all Lilly I didn't realize you were coming for a visit."
"Spur of the moment really," Lilly replied.
"Ok we have some rearranging to do, but Kendall and James are staying at the hospital. Leora, you and Jenny are coming over with us tonight. Boys go home and rest, Kendall and James will keep us updated," Carlos said.
"Where is Lilly gonna sleep?" Layla asked.
"In my room," Lilly said slowly.
"Lucas, he's been staying there," Layla told her.
"Yeah, my dad and I got into a fight," Lucas said.
"Ok, Lucas, you can stay in Miles' room tonight. Lilly you can't have your room and Leora-" Carlos said.
"I can share with Lilly," Leora said.
"Ok, and Jenny can stay in my room then," Carlos said.
—Happy Mistakes—
Logan frowned as he sat at his desk. He rested his chin on his clasped hands in deep thought. He had left Miles with Kendall and James awhile ago. He had returned to his office. He couldn't believe that this had even happened. How could they let Kyle slip through the cracks. He had been so focused on Miles that he didn't even consider that Kyle could get that low.
He had taken Miles for a walk earlier and assessed his mental health for the moment. Miles assured him that he was fine, but Logan ended up calling Sherrie and Miles had an impromptu phone session with her in Logan's office. It had helped and Miles had thanked him for it. Sherrie even made him an appointment for Monday once all the adrenaline wore off.
A knock at the door caught his attention. He looked up as Kendall entered. He arched a brow at the blonde.
"I couldn't stand sitting there waiting for them to tell me he's not gonna make it this time," Kendall said.
"He's gonna," Logan said, "he has to. He's Kyle, he always pulls through."
"He's had nine lives already, this might be his last," Kendall said, turning away from Logan as he fought his tears.
"It's not," Logan said.
"It could be," Kendall said.
"But it's not," Logan said, "he's Kyle and he is defiant through and through just like his dad."
"Thanks," Kendall chuckled weakly.
"I just…I was so worried about Miles…I never thought Kyle would do this," Logan admitted.
"Me either honestly, I mean we have been watching him all week and he's been to his therapist but something snapped in him," Kendall sighed.
"Yeah, I had Miles sit down and talk to her therapist tonight," Logan said, "he's still in shock and I'm worried about him now, more than before."
"Yeah, me too," Kendall said.
The pair fell silent, each lost in their own thoughts. Logan could only imagine what Kendall was going through. He knew he was upset and hurt by this, Kendall must've felt a million more things.
"So have you heard from Carlos yet? Did he talk to the others," Kendall asked.
"Actually no," Logan said slowly. He dialed Carlos' number on his office phone, putting it on speaker.
"Hey Logie," Carlos greeted him.
"Hey Los, you're on speaker with Kendall too," Logan said.
"Hey Kendall, I talked with the kids," Carlos said.
"Thanks for that," Kendall said weakly.
"I currently have three toddlers sleeping in a playpen in my room, a baby sleeping in his own bassinet in the den, and the whole gang in the living room watching movies. No one wanted to be alone tonight. I am making tea and hot chocolate for everyone," Carlos said.
"Whole gang?" Logan asked.
"Adam, Jake, Damien, and Cooper. They wanted to be with Leora who is really upset about their argument and blaming herself for this," Carlos said.
"It's not her fault-" Kendall started.
"I know, and we have assured her, but with everything that's happened do you blame her?" Carlos asked.
"Miles thinks it's his fault," Logan said.
"Jared thinks it's his fault too," Kendall said.
"I feel like we all missed the signs or ignored them at least."
Kendall and Logan turned to see James standing in the doorway. Kendall held a hand out to him.
"Carlos was just telling us the others are all at the house with him watching movies," Kendal said.
"Oh," James said, crossing the room. He pulled the other chair closer to Kendall. "How did we miss this? I spent the entire week watching him and trying to get him to open up."
"You know Kyle, the more you pry the more he pushes away," Kendall said.
"Did you guys know he and Miles were getting threats at school from Jared's fangirls?" Carlos asked.
"What?" Kendall asked.
"Who told you this?" James asked.
Carlos told them about what Layla and Erika had said about the notes and how the principal was supposedly involved. Carlos was ready to March down to the school come Monday.
"I never got a call," Logan said, digging his cell phone from his pocket.
"And things get more complicated," Kendall sighed.
A knock at the door caught their attention. They looked up as Marcus Jacobi walked into with papers in hand.
"Logan have you seen-oh I should have known you'd all be here," Marcus said looking at the three.
"Carlos too," Logan said.
"Hi Marcus," Carlos greeted.
"The toxicology report is back," Marcus said, holding up the papers.
"Logan and Carlos are family, we are gonna tell them anyway," Kendall said.
"Ok, so we found the Adderall as we expected but we also found propranolol in his system, like excessive amounts," Marcus said.
"He takes it for panic attacks," James said.
"That's not the weird one," Marcus said slowly.
"What else did you find," Logan asked.
"Fentanyl," Marcus said.
"What? That's not possible, Kyle would never-" Kendall started.
"You didn't know he was taking Adderall," Logan said.
"Before we jump to conclusions, here's something that I've been hearing is going around. A lot of dealers are cutting drugs together with other stuff to make them spread further. Maybe he's been doing Adderall for a while, but this batch might've been cut with Fentanyl hence the almost dying," Marcus said.
"Things just keep getting better and better," James said, shaking his head.
"Carlos, not a word to the others please, not until we figure this out," Logan said.
"My lips are sealed," Carlos replied.
"So what does this mean? Is Kyle gonna be ok?" Kendall asked.
"I can't answer that, it's all up to him now. We pumped his stomach and got what we could put of his system, now it's in god's hands," Marcus said.
"Thank you," Kendall said standing up. "We appreciate everything you've done for him tonight."
"Of course, it's all in a day's work. Saving lives is what we do, right Logan," Marcus said.
"Yeah, as many as we can," Logan agreed.
"Well, I'm gonna go check in with the ICU before I go, Logan I'll understand if you take a few days off," Marcus said.
"Thanks Marcus," Logan said.
Marcus left, leaving the four alone again. Logan sighed as he leaned back in his chair.
"You're not coming home tonight are you?" Carlos asked.
"I don't think so," Logan said.
"Stay, I can handle things here," Carlos said, "I gotta go anyways. These drinks are getting cold. I'll see you tomorrow."
—Happy Mistakes—
Miles yawned as he exited the bathroom. He decided to take a quick walk. Trying to sleep in that chair was impossible.
Logan, Kendall, and James had returned a little while ago, filling him and Jayda in on what had been found. They all asked Miles if they knew who gave Kyle the medicine. Miles had no idea. Kyle had never told him. He was kicking himself for not noticing that Kyle had started using again. He was supposed to know Kyle better than anybody, and he had failed.
He kept walking. He needed to move. He knew this was going to be a very long night. The room was a bit cramped with four people, but they weren't going anywhere. Jayda had left promising to be back in the morning. Miles told her it was ok and he would call her the second anything changed.
"Miles?"
Miles looked up as James approached him.
"Did he-?" Miles asked.
"No," James sighed, "I need to stretch my legs. I could sleep." He fell into step with Miles.
"Me either," Miles said as they walked along.
"I want you to know that we don't blame you," James said.
"You should, I would," Miles said.
"We don't," James said, stopping Miles. He made him look at him. "You had nothing to do with this. Sure you and Kyle were fighting but this goes deeper than that. This was Kyle's decision. He chose to take those pills and he chose this. I wish he would have come to us, but he didn't. I'm just glad Jayda was able to find her. This wasn't your fault."
"Then why does it feel like it is?" Miles asked, tears threatening to fall.
"Because we all missed the signs and we all feel like this is our fault," James said, his lip trembling. He looked away from Miles trying to gather himself. "I feel like I failed as his father. I tried all week to talk to him, but he wouldn't let me in. I-I tried so hard to get him to open up and then this. Did I not try hard enough? Was I too pushy? I-I-" he stopped, pressing his lips together.
Miles stepped up and pulled him into a hug. James slumped into the teen. He hugged him back.
"I'm sorry," James said, taking a step back.
"No it's ok, we are all blaming ourselves," Miles said. James nodded his head. "Truth be told, you are right this was Kyle's decision and he hid it from us. He even hid it from me. I'm supposed to be the one who knows who's him better than anyone else."
"You were a bit preoccupied with the will we or won't we to notice anything else," James said.
"Yeah, but I still missed it," Miles said.
"Hey, it's not your fault. You are not responsible for the decisions that Kyle makes," James said.
"I know, but after everything. I-the last thing I said to him wasn't good, and then this week at school I wasn't there," Miles said. "Some of those girls sent me a few death threats. I can't imagine what Kyle got. It was probably worse. Those Inside Joke fangirls are insane."
"Yeah they are."
Miles looked up as Jared approached them. James looked between the two hesitantly.
"About time, I was starting to think you weren't going to even come," Miles said.
"Roldy talked me out of it earlier, but I think I need to be here," Jared said.
"Of course," James said.
"Look I'm sorry for everything that happened, I never meant for it to get this far," Miles said.
"Ok, I'm here for Kyle though," Jared said.
"That's fair," Miles said.
"James-"
James turned as Kendall approached them. He looked past James at Jared.
"Jared texted me and told me he was on his way," Kendall said, "I can see you found him."
"Yeah, and I might know who gave Kyle the pills," Jared said.
"There's a few things you should know too," Kendall said, "let's go somewhere more private."
—Happy Mistakes—
Leora woke to clattering in the kitchen. She looked around the living room. Jake and Damien were sitting against the wall sleeping together. Cooper was laying on the couch with Adam on the floor next to him. Lilly, Layla, and Lucas were all sleeping around the floor. Miri had managed to make her way down to the living room and was curled up at Cooper's feet. There were two baby monitors on the coffee table.
Laughter was heard from the kitchen alerting Leora to what had woken her. She stood trying not to disturb anyone. She made her way down the hallway to the kitchen.
Kendall and Logan were in the kitchen with Carlos. Kendall was hugging Carlos with tears in his eyes.
"Thanks Los, I needed that," Kendall said.
"Yeah, I know, gotta break the tension sometimes," Carlos replied.
Kendall took a step back. He spotted Leora and motioned her over. Carlos turned and looked at her.
"How is he?" Leora asked.
"Come get something to eat," Kendall said pointing to a box of donuts. "I'll get your brothers and we can talk." He stepped up to her and pulled her in a hug, kissing the side of her head.
"Dad, I didn't mean-" Leora started.
"I know," Kendall said, tightening his hold on her. "I know."
"I'll go wake the others," Logan said, slipping away.
"It's not your fault Leora. Don't you think that for a second ok," Kendall told her as he released her. He took a step back and looked her in the eye. "Siblings fight. Jake and Adam used to fight all the time, threatening to never forgive each other and wanting to move away. We don't blame you because this isn't your fault, understand?"
Leora nodded her head tearfully. She threw her arms around Kendall again. It wasn't long before Logan entered the kitchen again with Miri balanced on his hip with Adam, Cooper, Jake, Damien, Lucas, Layla, and Lilly following him.
"Dad," Adam said once he saw him.
"Any news?" Jake asked.
"Come have a seat," Kendall said pointing to the table. He directed Leora to a chair.
Everyone gathered around the table. No one touched the donuts Kendall and Logan had brought. They all looked to them for answers.
"Kendall," Logan said.
"Go ahead," Kendall said, "you're better at this than I am."
"Kyle is in the ICU, he's stable for the moment," Logan said.
"The moment?" Jake asked.
"Yeah, it could change at any moment," Logan said solemnly. "Since this was an overdose a toxicology report was done. Adderall and Propranolol were found in his system. One was prescribed to him for panic attacks and the other Miles said he had been using last fall for a pick me up. He said he stopped and must've started some time recently. Lastly they also found some fentanyl in his system."
"Fentanyl?" Jake asked.
"Adderall maybe, but Kyle would never-" Leora started.
"We know an investigation is being started, the most likely cause is that the Adderall was cut with fentanyl to make it go farther. It's a trick dealers use to make it look like they have more product and it's dangerousp," Logan said.
"Wow, fentanyl is potent isn't it? Like just a little bit could kill you?" Jake asked.
"Yeah, when used properly in the correct dosage it can take pain away," Logan said, "a little more can give you a high feeling, and a pinch more can kill you if you don't seek medical help."
"Not to scare us or anything," Adam said.
"To scare you, I want you all to be terrified. These drugs are dangerous. All the synthetic shit can and will kill you," Logan said.
"We know dad," Layla said.
"Yeah, and we thought Kyle knew," Logan replied.
"Logan, have you gotten any sleep?" Carlos asked, making himself known.
"What do you think?" Logan asked.
"I think you should go lie down and get some sleep," Carlos said, "I'll call Marcus myself if I have to."
"He already gave Logan an out for a few days," Kendal said.
"Oh yeah, come on, you need some rest," Carlos said.
"Carlos I'm fine," Logan said.
"I don't doubt that, but I still think you should go lay down," Carlos said.
"I'd listen to him dad," Lilly said.
"Yeah it's no use arguing with him," Layla said.
"Yeah, no one can beat him," Kendall said, patting Logan on the shoulder.
"I'd listen to them, they seem smart," Carlos said, fighting a smirk.
"Smug is a bad color on you," Logan quipped.
"I hate to say this too, but guys everything said here stays between us," Kendall said looking around the room at the kids. "From a PR standpoint, if a word of this gets out, before the investigation is complete this could be bad."
"You're thinking of PR right now?" Jake asked incredulously.
"Yes Jake, unfortunately given mine and Kyle's line of work I always have to be thinking about that. I have to worry about what's being said about him. I bet by Monday there will be several gossip stories about Kyle being in the hospital," Kendall said. "Honestly it's in your brothers best interest that we keep this hush hush right now."
"We understand," Leora said quickly.
"I don't want you guys telling anyone, not even your grandma. I will fill her in myself," Kendall said, "Ok?"
Everyone nodded their heads.
"We have to tread lightly. We will be feeding a short statement to the press, but everything will be played very close to the vest. All you just need to do is say no comment and keep moving," Kendall said.
"Do not respond to them at all, just go about your business," Logan said.
"We got it," Leora said.
"This isn't our first rodeo and it surely won't be our last," Lilly said.
"On that note, I should get going. Guys we will keep you updated, but I don't think it would be wise to all be at the hospital," Kendall said looking at his kids. They nodded their heads.
"What about Miles' stuff?" Logan asked.
"Right," Kendall said as pushed himself away from the counter.
"I'll help," Logan said as he followed the blonde.
"I thought you were going to bed," Carlos called after him.
"Yes master, I promise," Logan hollered back. Kendall laughed as they walked away. Carlos rolled his eyes before following the two.
—Happy Mistakes—
Roldy sighed as he leaned against the kitchen counter. He looked at Noah, Matt, and Penelope who had come over to 2J with breakfast. No one spoke a word. They were all still digesting the news. It was strange. Roldy had never realized that Kyle was that depressed. How had no one noticed? How did it get this far? He had a million and one questions, but no answers.
Jared had gone radio silent overnight. All they knew was Kyle was in the ICU. They had no idea how he was doing or what he had even taken. It sucked not knowing anything.
"So," Penelope said slowly. The guys all looked at her. "When do we ask for an update?"
"They are busy worrying about Kyle," Noah said.
"We could ask Jared, for like bare minimum," Penelope suggested, "like if he's ok at least."
"Do we bug him though?" Matt asked.
"How did we miss this?" Roldy asked finally. "I mean, he didn't seem that depressed did he?"
The three at the table looked up at him confused. Matt looked like he was at a loss. Penelope seemed like she had something to say, but wasn't sure.
"We hadn't seen him all week," Noah answered.
"Still this isn't something that just happens in a few days, is it?" Roldy asked.
He didn't understand. Growing up he had always been taught that suicide was never the answer. It was the ultimate sin. He was particularly religious, but he still knew it was bad. his grandma had always told him suicide was selfish.
How had no one noticed Kyle was that depressed. How could he be so selfish? To think that no one wanted him alive, couldn't be more off. Sure they were mad at him, but he didn't want Kyle dead.
"It could," Penelope replied, breaking him from his thoughts.
"Not that fast though," Roldy said, shaking his head.
"He was just good at hiding it, I guess," Matt said, sitting back in his chair.
"But like why would he do this?" Roldy asked, confused.
"Maybe he saw no way out," Penelope said.
"But there is always another way," Roldy said, shaking his head.
"When you're that low, sometimes there is no light at the other end of the tunnel. He probably just didn't know what to do. It's a moment of weakness and just wanting everything to stop," Penelope said.
"Pen?" Matt asked.
"I was seventeen and I saw no other way," Penelope said slowly. The guys all looked at her shocked. "I know I look like I've got it all together and in some ways I do now, but back then, that is a different story."
"We all have our baggage, and I'm glad you're still here," Matt said.
"I was just out of a bad relationship. He had cheated on me with one of my supposed best friends. I was in a dark dark place already and that was the tipping point. I took a whole bottle of ibuprofen and went to bed. Luckily Tasha knew that mom had just bought the medicine and found me," Penelope said looking down at her hands. Matt placed a hand on top of hers. "I'm not saying Kyle is right, just that I can understand that feeling of hopelessness."
"I'm sorry," Roldy said, "I don't get it, I didn't mean to upset you either. I just…I've never been that low. I don't get it."
"That's ok," Penelope said, "it's not something everyone goes through, but it's tough and a very difficult decision. I went back and forth for weeks and I was in counseling and everything."
"So why then? I'm just trying to understand," Roldy said.
"Well, I saw them together at school flaunting it in my face and it made me feel like such a loser, that I hadn't noticed it before. On top of all that she was spreading lies about it and it just got to be too much. I skipped school that afternoon and went home. I found the first pill bottle I could and took them all. I was so depressed and stressed that I didn't see any other option. My parents thought the therapy was working. Tasha was busy with her life. I had nothing. I was nothing. I convinced myself that no one would even miss me," Penelope said.
"Wow," Roldy said, "I'm so sorry you ever felt that way, and if you ever need anything just know we are all here for you."
"Thank you, and it's a struggle at times, but lately I know my boys got my back," Penelope said with a smile.
"Always," Noah said with a smile.
"Were we bad friends with Kyle?" Matt asked.
The room fell silent again. Roldy knew the answer to that. They all did. It was a little unfair how badly they had all treated Kyle, but he hurt Jared. No one had even stopped to consider what Kyle had been going through.
"We picked Jared's side without even talking to Kyle," Noah said.
"We never considered his feelings in all this," Roldy sighed.
"We might be awful people," Matt said.
"No, you're not," Penelope said, "you handled the situation wrong, but he did hurt one of your best friends. You could have given him a chance to give his side of things."
"Yeah, and we didn't, now look at where we are," Roldy said.
"Are you always so pessimistic?" Penelope asked.
"Actually yes, are you new?" Roldy asked.
"Stop," Noah said, shooting him a small glare. "Enough with the sass."
"Sorry, it's like breathing. I can't stop it, even if I wanted to," Roldy replied.
"You are so mature," Noah said, rolling his eyes.
"Hey, you married me, no take backsies," Roldy said.
"I wouldn't trade you for the world, I could just do with a little less sass," Noah replied.
"But where would the fun in that be?" Roldy asked, batting his eyes at Noah. He pushed himself away from the counter. He sat down beside his husband with a small smile. "I love you."
"Love you too," Noah replied.
"You two are disgusting," Matt said, gagging playfully.
"Oh shut up Matthew, you've never had to watch you talk to the baby, that's disgusting," Roldy shot back.
Suddenly they were all laughing and joking. The tension had been lifted. They were at ease again. Kyle was still on their minds, but at least they were able to act normal. Until Jared texted Roldy.
"What did he say?" Noah asked, trying to look at his phone.
"Kyle is in the ICU and not out of the woods yet, but he's alive," Roldy said.
"That boy has someone watching over him," Penelope said, shaking her head. "All the things he's been through over the years. It's amazing he's still alive."
"He's very lucky that's for sure," Roldy said.
"Let's hope he's got a little more left," Matt said.
—Happy Mistakes—
Miles looked down at Kyle. He hadn't left his side other than to use the bathroom since last night. James had brought him and Jared some breakfast. It wasn't much, but Miles didn't care. He wasn't leaving Kyle.
Miles was sitting next to Kyle. Jared was on the other side of the bed. James had left to go call Kendall to see what was taking so long. Miles hadn't spoken to Jared since he had arrived. No one had really spoken most of the night. Not after Jared had told Kendall that it was probably one of the bands at the studio that was headed by that sleazy producer Jack Harvey. Jared placed his money on either Jesse or his cohort Lewis from the band Weiss. They were shifty. It had been tense silence and trying to sleep in chairs for most of the night.
"He loves you, you know," Jared said, breaking the silence.
Miles looked up and saw Jared looking down at Kyle. Miles looked down at him too. It was so strange to see him hooked up to all these machines. They had taken the ventilator out a few hours ago, and thankfully Kyle was breathing on his own again. Logan said that was a good sign.
"He loves you," Miles replied.
"I think he loves you more," Jared said slowly, he sat up to look at Miles directly. "I've known since the beginning that you can't have Kyle without Miles or Miles without Kyle. It's just wrong."
"Yeah, but like you guys…you're perfect for eachother. You have made him a better person and he has helped you lighten up," Miles said.
"I can see we're not going to agree here," Jared said.
"No it appears not," Miles said looking back at Kyle. "But I don't think it's our decision to make."
"No, it's not," Jared said, "I can't stop loving him, I tried all fucking week. I wanted to hate him for this, but I can't."
"Same dude," Miles said, "like I wanted to be mad at him, but every time I felt down he is the one I wanted to run to."
"And tell him everything knowing that he will listen," Jared said.
"And either hype me up or mope with me," Miles said, a small smile forming on his lips.
"Or he would make waffles," Jared said.
"Yes, with whipped cream and sprinkle and chocolate sauce," Miles said.
"He's got a way of getting under your skin," Jared sighed.
"Yeah he does," Miles said.
"I don't hate you either," Jared said.
"Really? I basically stepped into your relationship and tried to steal your boyfriend," Miles said.
"I know, but I also know that what Kyle and I had was real," Jared said, "and maybe it's come to an end, but I'd rather have had the time I had with him than not have it at all."
"That's very mature of you," Miles said.
"I mean a part of me wants to punch you I. The face and tell you to back the fuck off," Jared said.
"There it is, the Jared I know and love," Miles joked.
Jared looked over at him. They locked eyes before Jared started laughing. Miles quickly joined in.
"What's so funny?"
The pair turned as Kendall and James entered the room. They looked back at one another before shaking their heads.
"So we need to talk," Kendall said.
"About what?" Jared asked.
"The PR nightmare coming our way," Kendall said, "unfortunately given our line of work we always need to be thinking one step ahead of the press. I am sure word is gonna get out soon."
"I know the drill, no one outside the family and a trusted few get the whole story," Miles said quickly.
"Exactly, no one is to know about the fentanyl," Kendall said, "not the guys Jared, not yet."
"I understand," Jared said, nodding his head.
"I mean it, not a word to anyone. The only ones who know about this are us and the rest of the family including Carlos and Logan and their brood," Kendall said.
"I get it, I know how fast rumors can spread," Jared snapped, "look how fast those crazy fangirls tore apart my life!"
"Those were your fans," Miles said, walking around the bed. He stood in front of Jared, his arms crossed over his chest.
"I never asked them to do that. I never exactly stopped it, but then again I didn't know it was happening either," Jared said.
"That's fair," Miles said, "but maybe if you bothered to look at either of mine or Kyle's social media you would have seen it. You should see the things people are saying on my videos now. If you asked anyone at school you would have known about the threatening notes they sent us. I'm sure Kyle got more than I did, but there were a lot. A few of them were even signed, like how stupid are people!? Some of them even used their twitter and insta names. Like seriously, how stupid do you have to be?"
"Miles take a breath," Kendall said.
"Sorry, I've had a week, the last twenty four hours have been especially stressful," Miles said, looking away from the group.
"And you think I haven't? I've had Roldy breathing down my neck wanting to know if I'm ok, do I need him to come over? Do I need food? Do I need this or that? On top of all that Carter has been smug and not afraid to show it, and you talk about my fans being bad, his fans can be just as bad," Jared said pointing at Kyle. "I've been in the same boat as you. They've been coming at me for pushing Kyle away and being so uncaring and cold that he was driven to cheat! They don't know a damn thing!"
"Guys this isn't the place for this," Kendall said stepping in between them.
"Sorry," they mumbled, looking away from one another.
"Let's take a breath here, we are here for Kyle," James said.
Both nodded their heads. Miles felt a wave of shame wash over him. He hadn't meant to start a fight. This wasn't about him or Jared. They were here for Kyle. They needed to put their differences aside for now.
A groan came from behind. Miles whirled around. Kyle had an arm up over his eyes like he was trying to shield them from the light.
"Kyle?"
Miles dashed over to his bed. Kendall and James followed, with Kendall telling Jared to get a nurse or doctor. Jared ran from the room.
"Kyle? Can you hear me?"