May 18, 2012
(Santana)
"Usted es un irresponsible, Santana." Papi was yelling at us the first minute we got in the car after leaving the station in Cleveland. He couldn't care less about Mike and Quinn's presence. "Nunca debió haber firmado dicho documento. Ahora usted piensa que puede hacer todo lo que pasa em La cabeza, sobre todo lãs cosas estúpidas. Y arrasta su hermana."
"Papi, por favor." Rachel tried to defend me. "Convencí Santana para quedarse em Nova York. Yo soy el culpable."
"Usted y su sueño de ir a La maldita Broadway." My old man countered.
"Es lo que más em este mundo, pai. Santana y mis amigos ayudaron."
"Ambos clavó um cuchillo en mi espalda. No voy a mantener en el hogar, sino que además no tedrá ningún tipo de ayuda de mi parte. Has oído?"
"Sí señor!" Rachel and I answered at the same time.
Papi signed my emancipation, and legally he had no more responsibility over me. But the story about Rachel also going to New York came as a shock to my old man. I didn't plan any of this, I didn't want to hurt him, I also never thought this story would have such an ending. I was preparing myself to live alone in a metropolis, but I was terrified. That's the truth. We don't plan these twists and turns of life. Papi, forgive me, but I was happy that Rachel, Quinn and Mike are moving in with me. I wasn't ready to be alone in the world.
On the other hand, if I have Rachel's company, it means that papi will miss his two daughters. He will be alone... or almost. Still on the subject of life's twists and turns, I wonder if all this had happened without Shelby coming into his life again. I still couldn't swallow this sudden sexual closeness between them, but of the evils this is the least evil at the moment. At least Shelby and Beth can keep my old man company. The dances of fate are ironic. They seem to hurt the soul sometimes, and when you least expect it, the pieces fall into place.
It was late morning when papi dropped Quinn and Mike off at their respective homes. We arrived home without saying another word. Papi was furious about the whole situation created in New York. He carried the two suitcases up the stairs only to leave them on their side anyway. He went into his room and closed the door. Rachel and I exchanged glances and we moved our hands. She put paper. I put scissors. I won. The bathroom was my first.
…
(Rachel)
It was a gift from the gods to jump on my bed, and use my own bathroom after so many days. Eating the food from my home was also magnificent. Everything there was better than scary New York. Who in their right mind would want to give up a big house, a huge bedroom, a car, all the best and good things for a life of hardship in a scary metropolis just to live my Broadway dream? I would! But what about Santana? She wouldn't have to leave by now anyway. Was it fair to anticipate and take away from her the little bit of time she had left in Lima? She loved our house and the pool.
"We'll only have one more week at home. Are you sure you want to come to New York?" I asked as we eat something before setting off for Beth's birthday party, despite an aching body and tiredness after a sleepless night on that train.
"I am." She didn't even look at me and remained focused on devouring the reheated fish fillet.
"But..."
"But what, Rachel?" Santana reacted aggressively. "You're going to be in that goddamn play, your career is going to take off, I'm going to study like hell and go to Harvard. Our destinies are set. Since this is how it is, then let's face the dragon. Now let me eat! "
"You don't want to go to New York." That was a statement, not a question. "I spoiled your plans."
"It doesn't matter... I don't want to be here to lose another one I love... Daddy, Brittany... I'd rather go as soon as possible." Her voice trailed off and I hugged her. I hadn't seen Santana cry since Dad died. There was a lot accumulated pain in her head. My sister always tried to look strong, but crying was also good for your health. All I could do at that moment was hug my sister and protect her in my arms.
"You don't have to go to Stuyvesant if you don't want to. You don't have to work at the zaide's friend's company. I can manage on my own this summer vacation." I said after she was calmer.
"No Ray. This is the right thing to do. End story."
The story wasn't over yet. We would get back to it somehow. For now, I would respect my sister's wishes.
"We need to get ready faster. Today is Beth's little party." I changed the subject.
"I don't feel like seeing Shelby."
"She postponed the party because of us." I tried to ponder. "You love Beth, and she has nothing to do with our parents' affair."
"Our parents? Who is Shelby, Rachel? She doesn't fit the category."
"Santy, don't start. Regardless of anything, she's our mother."
"Coming out of her vagina doesn't make her my mother."
"Not even the fact that we're 50% her?"
"Rachel, I'm not in the mood to talk about Shelby."
"Fine, but we need to go to the party, there's no doubt about it."
"I'm not going to drive. I can't keep my eyes open for long."
"It's only 40 minutes on the road. It won't be a problem for me."
"What time do we leave?" She asked defeated.
"The party is at four. And we need to pick up Quinn."
"She won't let go anymore?"
"Quinn's my girlfriend. What's the big deal?"
"All of them."
It was best not to argue with Santana.
Santana and I got ready as quickly as possible. We left for Troy shortly after lunch. My body was still sore from the New York adventure. The worst part was sleeping in the train and subway station. I know it was reckless and dangerous to drive in that state and tired, but I did anyway. I wanted to fulfill my promise to go to Shelby's house and attend Beth's little party. First we stopped by to pick up Quinn. She seemed in better shape than we were. Although I had a feeling that even if she slept in the trash can, she would still wake up looking stunning. Quinn was beautiful and I could hardly believe she was mine.
"Hey!" She gave me a quick kiss before getting into the back seat. Santana was in the passenger seat already asleep.
"Did you doze off?" I asked, starting the car.
"Not at all. How's your father? He cooled down?"
"Not so much."
Luckily, the road was busy, which required my full attention. Santana snored most of the way, and didn't even seem to mind the higher volume on the radio. Quinn was also silent, but not asleep. I wanted to be a telepath to get inside her head at that moment. What would she be thinking? About Beth, for sure, but what else? What was the context? We parked the car in the area right behind Shelby's car, and walked straight to the backyard, where we found Beth playing with a doll. The yard was all decorated with banners and balloons, the sweets table was already set up and toys for the children were already available.
"Beth!" Santana shouted to the little girl with a huge smile on her face and her arms open.
The little one "ran" in insecure steps towards us until she was grabbed by Santana and won her sister's lap. I don't know where this affinity between them came from. Maybe we really should live several lives to explain this connection. I don't know. I kissed Beth's rosy cheeks, and she curled up on Santana's lap for a cuddle. Quinn was shy. She only cracked a smile when Santana practically threw Beth into her lap in the best "here's to your daughter" style.
"Girls!" Shelby came toward us. By the looks of it, she was still unsure of how to act with us after the fiasco in New York.
I decided to break the ice first and hugged her. Santana kept her distance. Quinn, with Beth on her lap, greeted her politely.
"My brother and mom are inside looking forward to meeting you."
"Do you have a brother?" Santana asked. I scowled, because I remembered Shelby mentioning that she wasn't an only child.
It was a strange meeting. Linda Corcoran is not exactly a grandmother of those cute ones whose philosophy is to please her grandchildren, like abuela. We met her in New York, but she was mute most of the time. When we arrived at Shelby's house, she smiled, greeted us, and commented to her son that we were pretty. Our grandmother completely ignored Quinn, as if she knew some version of my girlfriend that was not very favorable. Our uncle was an ordinary man, neither handsome nor ugly, he must have been 5'10", and had one of those beer bellies. He had white skin and brown eyes. Shelby once said that Linda Corcoran was biracial, the daughter of an Italian and a Native American. I think Thomas drew more on his mother's Native American traits.
"Rachel, you look so much like me when I was your age. But Santana definitely reminds me of my mom."
Santana looked at me and we had one of those telepathic conversations. Surely she was saying to me "what the fuck?". I returned the look with a small gesture that we had better be quiet.
"Thank you Linda." I replied politely, while my sister nodded and crossed her arms.
"I always thought Shelby and Juan would get another chance. I remember back then..."
"Mom!" Shelby interrupted her. I didn't want her to be interrupted. Santana and I exchanged glances again. "The girls are tired. They're moving to New York."
"Really?" The old lady was worried.
"Not like me, Mama. Santana is going to study at a preparatory school to be accept at a great university. Rachel is staying with her sister."
"Shelby says you're smart." Thomas Corcoran said with some contempt for Santana. "We'll see how smart."
Thomas Corcoran seemed to be the typical red neck truck driver who, frankly, gave me the creeps. It was apparent that he was a man of little education, and also little conversational ability. But we learned that he had an ex-wife and two sons in Iowa. They were two boys who were 11 and eight years old. Shelby confided in me that he was passing through Ohio, which is why he was invited.
The party started promptly at four in the afternoon. There were basically Shelby's colleagues from the elementary school with their young children running wild on the green. Quinn and I avoided doing any PDA. Those people weren't ready, especially my uncle and grandmother. My girlfriend took all the time she had to play with Beth. She already seemed more comfortable with the situation of visiting Beth in a limited and controlled way.
Papi showed up just as we were about to sing Happy Birthday to Beth for the first time. The only time he addressed us was to say that we were going to have a family meeting to talk about New York. I thought it was great, because we always sat down at the table to resolve our issues, and it was too bad that we stopped talking in the house. I understood that Papi was very angry and hurt by us, but it was something we really needed to face as a family.
Papi was officially introduced as Shelby's "boyfriend" to her friends. It was still strange to think of Papi and Shelby in this position, because until she showed up in our lives, never in a million years could I have imagined that my father and biological mother had this kind of connection. Papi stayed too little at the party, though. After we sang Happy Birthday, he left because he had a meeting with some investors and if all went well, the hospital could get extra money for improvements, and in the research he was doing for surgery in diabetic persons.
"You mean your mom and dad are dating?" One of Shelby's coworkers commented excitedly. "You must be happy, right girls?"
We just nodded and put a forced smile on our faces.
"Is our car still blocked?" Santana asked me.
"There's an old Ford in the back."
"Damn! Do you think anyone will notice if I run out of here?"
"There's nothing nearby, our house is in another town, and I didn't see anything we could steal."
"You should kiss Quinn right in the middle of the yard and put your tongue down her throat. I bet half the people would run. Including Uncle and Grandma Corcoran."
"Do you only support my dating Quinn when you see that it might have some benefit?"
"Pretty much!"
The birthday came to an end after the gifts were opened with thanks. Linda Corcoran made the cake and sweets and I could never have imagined that my maternal grandmother was so skilled at baking. The cake was just perfect! By 6pm, the party was done, the guests had left, including Thomas and Linda. I confess that I came to admire Shelby more after seeing that she had to survive her own family in order to pursue what she believed in. She didn't succeed as well as she had hoped, but she kept trying. We started to help clean up the mess. I was finally able to have a little more freedom with my girlfriend, although we still avoided doing PDAs in front of my mother. I still hadn't told my parents the news. But it was rewarding to see Quinn happy and grateful for the opportunity to celebrate Beth's first birthday.
"What a day." I was beyond exhausted. I sat next to Shelby on the old-fashioned porch swing in front of the house. Santana and I agreed to have a mug of tea before leaving. My sister was sitting on the floor, her legs stretched out and crossed. Quinn sat on the sofa and couldn't get off. She slept so soundly, she snored.
"What a day!" Santana's voice was laden with irony. "I used to think it was a pain to survive Rachel, but your family has made me revise some concepts."
"My god, Santana, can you lay off the sarcasm for two minutes?" Shelby took a long sip of her tea. "You shouldn't have that from me." It was Santana's turn to take a sip of tea. My sister got annoyed every time Shelby said her personality was similar to Santana's. A good observer would say there's sense in that. I've seen Shelby deal with Vocal Adrenaline, and it wasn't all that different from the way Santana handled the cheerios, back when she was captain. "But you're right, my brother is horrible! He's the slightly improved image of my father: racist, homophobic, sexist, ignorant. My mother is just simple-minded. She doesn't mean it."
"If your brother is better than your father was, I don't even want to imagine what your life was like." I said impressed at how someone could still be worse than Uncle Thomas.
"Tom still has some decency. My father was simply unbelievable."
"I imagine your family must have disowned you when you got pregnant with the daughters of a gay couple."
"Almost that. I left home after high school. I didn't have the money to go to New York, but I was accepted at Cleveland State University. My mom, in all her simplicity, gave me all her savings so I could go to college. In her own way, my mom understood that I couldn't stay in that house, in that city. After a long time working as a waitress and doing semi-professional plays, I talked to a friend who was a surrogate and made good money with it. This prompted me to go visit one of those fertility clinics and I registered to donate eggs and serve as a surrogate. Theoretically I wouldn't come into contact with the couple who hired me. Well, you know the story: neither I nor your father followed the rules. Despite all the problems, Hiram and Juan were my salvation. That part of the story, you already know. My father, when he learned that I was bearing children under contract, called me a whore and other horrible things. He died while I was still trying my luck in New York. I didn't go to the funeral. I couldn't." Then Shelby put her arms around my shoulders and hugged me. "Now it's your turn! I'm sure you'll be more successful than me. The producer is for real, and after this play you'll have the backing to be represented by a serious agency. I'll send you a list of good agents."
"Do you regret not going to say goodbye to your father?" I asked, returning a little to the subject of the Corcoran family, which was also mine.
"No. Years later, I had the opportunity to visit his tombstone in the cemetery. I couldn't feel a thing."
"How could you not?" Santana asked.
"You should know this, girls: being a father is not a biological condition. A father is the one who raises with love and respect. I suffered physical and verbal abuse when I was a kid because my father beat me when he drank. This memory thing is interesting. I used to think that my father loved me very much because he liked to touched me when I was a child, and that my mother was bad because she always kept me away from him. But I understood eventually. I understood why she would tell me and Thomas to play at the neighbor's house and stay there."
"Why did Linda never leave him?" My sister asked and that was also my question.
"She tried once, but she ended at the hospital when he found us. My mom was a survivor of domestic abuse, you know… anyway... In the end, I understand that my father was a sperm that got my mother pregnant. He was never a real father. I don't know how I didn't become everything my father was cursing me for, because it would have been easy for me to lose control just a little bit more. Theater saved me in that sense because it gave me a focus. You can't imagine how fortunate you are to have Juan and Hiram in your lives. I had disagreements with Hiram, but I have the deepest respect for him. He and Juan did an extraordinary job with both of you."
"Do you really think so?" My sister had her guard down for the first time all day.
"Santana, Juan is very hurt right now. But your father is the kind of man who will step over everything and rush to your rescue wherever you are. He may be a disciplinarian, but the truth is he has adoration for both of you. If you were not my daughters, I would surely be dying of jealousy. You both are his life."
"Do you still encourage us to go to New York?" I questioned.
"With caveats. On the one hand, I agree with Juan that you have been too hasty and impulsive. On the other hand, I think you have always had everything in your hands and you need to learn to walk on your own two feet. You will have the luxury of being able to take risks safely."
"Safely?" Santana quipped. "Papi said that if Rachel did go to New York to do the play, that we wouldn't count on a penny from him."
"Juan played hard, Santana. He hasn't said anything to me, but I'm sure we'll reach a consensus at our meeting."
"Are you going to be there too?" I asked.
"Of course. Juan thought I should be a mediator. Because I understand his position, as much as I understand yours. I'm sure we'll come to a middle ground."
"I'm not going to New York because zaide pushed me to." Santana confessed. Santana confessed. "It's also my will. I'm not that attracted to the business world, but I like the numbers. They're a lot less complicated than people."
"You only became a cheerio to disguise the fact that you're such a nerd, Santy. And you didn't even do it right because you let our mother's genes speak loudly and buried yourself with losers in the choir."
"Okay that's final. I'll make you pay for every word as soon as we get home."
"Yeah, at home." Shelby interfered. "Tomorrow when you get back, then you can strangle each other. But tonight, girls, you're going to sleep here. Quinn has been out on the couch for a long time. I'll set up the extra mattress for her and you two can sleep in my room."
"You don't need the work. I can drive!" Santana stood up.
"You can drive tomorrow when we all go to Lima. Today it's bed! You are exhausted and I will not allow you to hit the road in this condition."
Shelby offered us comfortable clothes that fit big. She provided a sheet, pillow and blanket for Quinn to drape over the couch. We decided that Beth's mattress could be set aside and we all three slept in the same bed. When Shelby lay down to sleep, it was awkward. I stood in the middle, between her and Santana. I'd never been that close to my own mother before. My sister slipped her arm across my waist, as usual, and drifted off. It was the first relaxing night's sleep we'd had in weeks.
...
May 19, 2012
(Santana)
Papi and Shelby were waiting for us at home when we arrived in the middle of the afternoon. Although Shelby and we left Troy at the same time, Rachel and I had to drop Quinn off at her house before heading to ours. Our family discussions tended to take place in two particular places in that house: either in the kitchen, where the more mundane conversations took place, or at the library table, where the more formal conversations took place. In this case, Papi invited us to talk in the library, but not before we had showered and changed.
I came downstairs dressed in my pajamas, and I clearly intended to get as much sleep as I could after our meeting. Rachel was more casual and put on comfortable shorts and a t-shirt. Shelby made Beth comfortable in the library, placing her toys on top of a baby tarp. While Beth played solitarily in the library, the four of us sat at the round table. I confess it was odd to have that kind of conversation without Dad.
"Let's recap some facts here." Papi began our meeting. "The initial plan was for you two to graduate from high school and go to college wherever you want. I never discussed it with you, never imposed a will on you to pursue a certain type of career or study at a certain college. Obviously, I knew you wanted to go to New York." Papi pointed at my sister, "That has always been very clear to me. That's why I'm confused to understand how things have been changing so radically these past few months, especially this past week?"
"Dad always wanted me to study at a school that matched my potential." I tried to explain what was pretty well known between us. "Dad always advocated for me to go to private schools or prep schools because he thought I was wasting my potential, or something." I tried to put Shelby in context. "I wanted a normal childhood, playing in the park with the kids. Because math was just something that came naturally to me, and I never thought it was a big deal. It was only after I became aware that I needed something more."
"I know Hiram always wanted the best for you, mija, but that doesn't mean you're obligated to fulfill his wish."
"I will study at Stuyvesant for him and for me, papi. I know Zaide has a dream of seeing me at Harvard, but I honestly never thought about going to college. I never planned for it. I want to have this experience at Stuyvesant and see what happens afterward."
"That part I agree with you." Papi held Santana's hand. "You can decide what you'd like to do after school in your own time, without pressure from your grandfather. I never pressured you for that, mija. That's why I don't understand how you let yourself be pressured."
"Like I said, I've become aware that I need something more."
"How?" Shelby asked me. "What's that something more, kid?"
"I always self-sabotaged because of Brittany, I think. Because she has learning disabilities, I never wanted to be a genius... I guess, so she would always feel capable. Except I realized that Brittany's intelligence isn't even academic... it's in her dance. And that she never shied away from developing what she was really good at. Her going to LA... the enthusiasm with which she talks about the dance company she's going to be part... she's looking for excellence within what she's capable of being excellent at. And I wasn't. I was falling behind. That's why I need Stuyvesant, which happens to be in New York. Since this is a meeting for us to get right, then I must say I'm scared. I'm scared as hell. But I have to go."
Papi looked at me and sighed.
"Very well, Santana. Now for the second part of the facts. Since you decided to study at Stuyvesant, and since your grandfather was your great motivator, what was our deal?" Papi forced me to repeat the deal.
"That you would pay my rent, that zaide would pay me an allowance so that I could stay in the city, paying for transportation and food... that wasn't an agreement, but I still have an extra opportunity which is to work in Mr. Weiz's company."
"I don't care about your internship. Let's stick to what we agreed to do: the rent and the allowance. Now, Rachel." Papi turned to my sister. "What was a fact about your studies?"
"That after I finished high school, you would pay for my art college."
"And what did you do these past few days?"
"I found a summer job in New York."
"Exactly... you found a summer job in New York by acting on impulse, behind my back, using your grandfather as an accomplice. As far as I know, Rachel, I'm still your legal guardian, in addition to being your father. You understand that I can just say no, correct?"
"Yes sir." Rachel bowed her head.
"But before you say no, Juan, let's weigh in." Shelby began to argue and I knew she would intercede on my sister's behalf because she had already signaled that she would defend our decision. For that, I was grateful to her. "I know what it's like to have that kind of dream and goal. I know what it's like to have an opportunity like that. You just can't let it go without a good fight. What Rachel did was reckless, but that recklessness could pay off for her. It could give her success in a really competitive career."
"Shelby, are you saying I should just go along with this madness without them having any consequences?"
"No." Shelby replied calmly and cautiously. "I believe that Santana having the company of her sister and vice versa will be beneficial for both of them. Just as I agree that Rachel needs to suffer the impact of her own decisions."
"Interesting..." Papi squeezed his eyes shut. "I agree with Shelby. I will allow Rachel to work on this summer play and I may even allow you to live with your sister in New York. However, I will pay Santana's rent...but only Santana's. If you live together, I will pay Santana's share, that is, half of the rent. I will have a very serious talk with your grandfather. He won't be the one to pass the allowance money directly into Santana's bank account. That money will go through me and I will deposit the amount. But only after you start at Stuyvesant, as was originally agreed."
"It means that we will have to work to get food and everything in this summer."
"Exactly, Santana." Papi smiled sadistically and crossed his arms. Speaking directly to Rachel. "And if you decide to continue living with your sister in New York, know that I will only back you financially if you get into college. Now if you can't make it in the city... well... you know the way. I'll be happy to pay your way back, and re-enroll you at McKinley High."
If Papi wanted us to suffer the consequences of Rachel's impulse, well, he succeeded. Because if Mike and Quinn were going to move in with us, it would mean that we would only have a quarter of the rent guaranteed: my share. And if my allowance wasn't going to be deposited until Stuyvesant started, which would clearly give me a financial breather, it meant that the four of us wouldn't only have to work our asses off during summer vacation, but also come up with other money-making strategies. We'd have to live somewhere cheap enough that Rachel's salary from the play would at least cover her share of the rent. I would have to work, Quinn and Mike would have to work. It was going to be hell. If Papi wanted to punish us, he came up with a pretty interesting way to do it. One where failure would mean going back to Lima with my tail between my legs. Believe me, he wanted us to fail. All I had to do was work hard not to give him the satisfaction.
Oh my god... I needed sleep. I wanted to just go to sleep and wake up just in time to move to New York after my summer vacation was over. Unfortunately, that was not going to be possible.
...
May 21, 2012
(Rachel)
Quinn and I decided not to came out at school. Not out of fear on her part, or mine. It was simply a matter of respect for the fact that I hadn't spoken to Finn yet. He hadn't been discreet any of the times he broke up with me, which didn't mean I was going to apply the same courtesy. I also didn't want to amplify the power of the bombshell, after all, Quinn and I were saying goodbye to McKinley and New Directions: it wouldn't be easy for the group to deal with two unforeseen losses, one of which was the lead soloist.
"Rachel." Finn caught up with me in the hallway as I was dropping off my things. It was the last week of school at McKinley before summer, and there wasn't much to do in classes. That way, I wouldn't have a good excuse to ignore him. "Hey..." He took my arm and leaned in for a kiss. I turned my face and cupped his cheek. Finn looked up awkwardly.
"Hi Finn."
"How was New York? You barely exchanged two text messages with me."
"Stuff happened." I was trying in vain to be evasive. I just didn't feel like this was THE time to have THE conversation.
"At that audition? Bad things?"
"I'd rather talk to everyone."
"Why can't I know beforehand?"
"To save saliva!" Quinn came up behind me. It felt like her body had expanded, like a rooster that raises its feathers when roused.
"Quinn, could you excuse us?"
"What part of no early conversation don't you understand?" I felt the aggression rise. It was best to break it up before something went wrong. "Are you so slow that you can't understand a simple sentence?"
"Finn..." I said before he had time to answer Quinn. "I'll talk to you later, I promise."
I walked away from the two. My heart was racing and I found it providential to find Santana and Brittany in a corner of the school. I would spend the day with them to avoid both my girlfriend and my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, as well as questions and more questions from the others. Who knew there would come a day when I would become grateful to be the third wheel? Santana didn't give a damn about talk or popularity. She held Britt's hand and kissed her on the lips publicly. Every time someone, usually a cheerio, asked about their relationship, my sister would tell them to fuck off and mind their own business.
It was great to hear that the choir had a hero's welcome in McKinley. The $20,000 check was going to go a long way toward keeping the project going. Ironic that: all of the school's funding for the choir went to paying Schuester and Brad's extra salary, as well as giving us the rehearsal room. Everything else came out of our own pockets. Now the choir has returned more money than the school ever gave us in two years of dedication. Ironic and unfair.
When it came time to meet with the choir, we found out that the class was planning a special Thursday night performance of celebration and farewell for some. One of the songs was set and it was a good one. The other was to be "We Are The Champions": nothing more clichéd. I had my own ideas. But not before my announcement. I walked at the front of my friends and I took a deep breath before speaking up.
"I understand that the choir will be going through reshuffling next semester because of important members are leaving this group. Noah, Mike and Lauren will be graduating this Saturday." The class spontaneously broke into applause. "Santana is leaving us to study at one of the best schools in the United States." I needed to value my sister's departure in something noble. "And Brittany is going to Los Angeles to improve her dancing even more." I felt a lump in my throat. "I also need to announce my departure, and Quinn's."
"What?" Finn was the first to react and the class went wild for a few moments. It took a good few minutes before everyone was quiet again to hear what he had to say.
"Mike and I have been accepted to be part of an off-off-Broadway play called Songbook, which is produced by the R&J company and directed by the award-winning Roger Benz, who works in partnership with producer James Golvi. Anyone who knows theater knows that these are hot directors. They are using the play to test some formulas. It will be hard work for four weekends in the summer."
"Four weekends in the summer?" Professor Schue questioned. "Rachel, I'm very happy about this opportunity, but it's perfectly feasible for you to do the play and return to McKinley, to your father's side."
"Yes, but it's not what I want, mr. Schue. I want to stay with Santana and try my luck in New York." I stared at Finn and he was perplexed. "Mike has been accepted into the cast too." I shot. "And Quinn..." I looked at my girlfriend. "Do you want to say it in person?" She nodded telling me to continue. "Quinn will be working on the play as a trainee and will also be staying in New York with us."
Another explosion of everyone talking at once.
"But what about your parents?" Schue was almost terrified. "You're just teenagers. You shouldn't stay in a metropolis like New York with uncertainties when you have all the support here."
"Mr. Schue." Quinn stood up. "I turn eighteen in July, and I'm responsible for my actions. I'm not going to drop out of school, which is what you think. I'm not just going to drop everything, give up on college. The opportunity just happened to knock on my door and I'm not going to let it pass me by, even if I have to make sacrifices."
"I just don't think you should mature before your time."
"It happens sometimes! Especially when the opportunity comes and you have to grab it. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing." Quinn argued.
I stood there in front of a perplexed choir. Kurt was the first to stand up and hug me, wishing me good luck. Soon, I was surrounded by our friends, as was Quinn. It was nice to feel wanted. But Finn wasn't there. I didn't see when he left the room. I needed to talk to him, to explain myself. So I looked for him around the school. I found him in the auditorium. He was sitting in one of the seats and seemed to be crying. I couldn't put off talking to him any longer. I sat down next to him and waited.
"I can't believe you're leaving..." He spoke in a trembling voice.
"It was inevitable!"
"What about us?"
"We'll be friends, Finn." I pulled his face gently and gave him a light kiss on the lips. "You were my first love and boyfriend. I loved you for my entire stay here at McKinley and I will love you for maybe the rest of my life. But it's over. We are over."
"No... Rachel... we can work something out. A story like ours can't just end like that."
"Stories like ours happen all the time." My eyes were moist. "I love you, Finn. I really do. But the time has come to move on. It's a new stage in my life, a new place, a new reality, new people. One that you no longer fit into."
"How can I not? How can we be fine one day and then break up the next? Things like that don't just happen, Rachel. We can still work it out."
"We can't. Not anymore." I looked down at my fingers. "Finn..." My voice came out small. "There's someone else."
"Who?" He asked loudly, startling me a little. "Mike?" I nodded in the negative. "I have a right to know!" He got angry and it was natural.
"It's Quinn."
"Are you kidding me?" Again I nodded in the negative and he stood up suddenly, red with anger.
"It just happened."
"Just happened?" he sneered. "You mean to tell me that one hour you and I are fine, and the next you suddenly go all lesbian and fall for her? Quinn Fabray? You know what... I don't need that shit." He spoke with disgust before leaving the auditorium. I still couldn't bring myself to leave. I closed my eyes and lay still, crying softly.
...
May 24, 2012
(Rachel)
Our week in Lima was so intense that I was startled when Thursday came, the day of our last performance with New Directions. On Tuesday, Santana sold our car and contacted a real estate agent in New York to negotiate some apartments. On the island, the most feasible was a property in Spanish Harlem. It would be far from the Flea and Stuyvesant, but it was the most we could afford in a place that wasn't a whorehouse or a crackland. Rents on the island were skyrocketing. Another option would be Brooklyn or the Bronx, which are more affordable neighborhoods than salty Manhattan.
We would have to take into consideration ease of transportation, local market, nearby schools and safety, as well as the amount of rent. In either option, we would occupy a small apartment with two tiny rooms for a price that fit within our budget. The plan was to arrive in the city, spend a week at the hostel while Santana checked out the properties herself. We would sign a one-year lease as soon as possible, and pay two months in advance. With the rest of the money from the sale of the car, we could buy things for the house. Our regular salaries should also be saved for routine expenses: food, cleaning, laundry. Plus future rent.
Santana landed a summer job with Mr. Weiz's company. She would earn $1,300 gross a month to work six hours a day as a receptionist at the company's Wall Street headquarters. It was minimum wage. Mike's parents didn't give him a penny, but they were fair enough to give Mike his college savings. It meant that Mike could afford to be unemployed for a while in case something went wrong and still contribute to the household expenses. Quinn wouldn't be able to contribute much in advance. She would only have an internship that paid very poorly, and her mother had no way to help. In short: all Judy could do to help Quinn was pay for her train ticket and give her another $500 from the savings generated by the sale of her house. That was about as much money as Quinn would make in a month's work.
We would have to buy second-hand furniture. Santana suggested that we only buy new mattresses, because a second-hand and crooked mattress would be a martyrdom. We would have to get some cheap stuffs in garage sales, in bazaars promoted in churches. In our suitcase, in addition to clothes, we would take sheets, blankets and towels, which would greatly reduce costs.
All in all, it was a week of goodbyes. Santana said goodbye to Brittany all week: days I could only sleep with the ipod in my ear due to the intense activities in the next room. I never had a problem with Santana and Brittany's sexual activities because they were always discreet in the house. I think because it was a goodbye, my sister stopped caring if it was bothering me or not. Sometimes I was baffled by her pragmatism. Some choir members promised visits, particularly at the premiere of "Songbook". Tina was one of them, because of Mike (they haven't broken up... yet). Mercedes and Kurt (with Blaine) also promised visits.
Then it was time for the farewell performance in the Mckinley auditorium. My family was there to watch. It was a special moment. It would be the last time I would walk through the audience as a member of a choir. I looked beside me.
"According to tradition, it's a couple that opens the performances around here." I commented.
"Traditions are there to be broken. They lock people in."
"Always rebellious!" I smiled at Santana. "I love you."
"I love you too, Ray. Now let's go kick some ass."
Santana entered first as soon as the first notes were strummed on the guitar.
"Volver a los 17 después de vivir um siglo/ es como descifrar signos sin ser sábio competente/ volver a ser de repente tan frágil como um segundo/ volver a sentir profundo como um niño frente a dios/ eso es lo que siento yo em este instante fecundo/ Se va enredando, enredando/ como em El muro La hiedra/ y va brontando, brotando/ como El musguito em La piedra/ como El musguito em La piedra, ay si, si, si."
Our friends allowed Santana and me to do the farewell duet with a song in Spanish as a way of celebrating not only our contribution, but because it was also a positive advertisement of multiculturalism of the school and especially of the choir. Mr. Schuester was a Spanish teacher, which was advertising for him as well. Things that weren't quite true because Mr. Schue wasn't multicultural at all. Anyway, we sang "Volver a Los 17" beautifully and honored our family. This was a song that spoke of the fragile wisdom of youth, of enchantments and discoveries. The audience erupted in applause as Santana and I finished beautifully singing a song that was important to my family in particular. From the top of the stage, with my eyes watering and a broad smile on my face, I looked for the Lopezes and waved to abuela.
Santana hugged me briefly before moving into position with the choir. Our violinist left the stage and I simply turned my back to the audience to turn around again after the brief keyboard introduction. "The heart is a Bloom/ shoots up though the stony ground/ there's no room/ no space to rent in this town/ you're out of luck/ and the reason that you had to care/ the traffic is stuck/ and you're not moving anywhere/ you thought you'd found a friend/ to take you out of this place/ someone you could lend a hand/ in return for Grace." It was a song that said a lot about my current situation. I put aside technique and used the full power of my voice, completely carried away by emotion. "It's a beautiful Day/ Sky falls, you feel like/ it's a beautiful Day/ don't let it get away".
At the end of our apotheotic performance, everyone hugged and got emotional. New directions would continue the following school year with half the members, but new and good talents would be found. The fact is that my contribution has come to an end. I would be eternally grateful to this group, to these people for everything I had achieved: all of them, especially Mr Schuester. If half the time I thought he was wrong, the other half he only had victories. He helped me grow: all of us. Emotions began to overwhelm me and, out of necessity, I went out to our rehearsal room. I sat on one of the chairs and cried from happiness, from fear, from sadness, from everything.
"Rachel?"
"Finn?" I looked away to wipe my tears. I was surprised, as he had ignored me the entire week after our breakup. "I didn't see you arrive."
"I didn't see you in the auditorium." He sat down in the chair next to mine. "I figured you'd be here."
"I'm saying goodbye to everything. I'm going to New York early next week."
"You're not really coming back, are you? I mean, to McKinley?"
"No matter what happens, I'm willing to stay with Santana in New York. We're already looking at apartments, and I already have an idea of which school I'm going to enroll in. My father should arrange the transfer at the earliest opportunity. And then..." I smiled, wiping away tears. "This could be a busy year where I have to balance my schooling with working on Broadway... off-off for now."
"Of all the people leaving, you can be sure that you will be the one I will miss the most. We've been through a lot this year. You've been through a lot, and I didn't always give you the support you deserved. But I can assure you one thing, Rachel Berry-Lopez, I still love you and I believe that a part of me will always be yours regardless of any time or place. It's something so strong that I'm sure as soon as I get the chance, I'll fight for you."
I looked at Finn, who also had tears in his eyes. I brought my hands to his face and pulled him into a long, soft kiss on the mouth. It wasn't like I was cheating on Quinn. It was just that there was no more appropriate goodbye between Finn and I after everything we'd experienced together.
"Quinn better take very good care of you."
"She will."
We left the rehearsal room singing "Don't Stop Belivin" quietly in the hallways, just to ourselves, until we found Quinn. I said goodbye to Finn for the second time: now with a friendly hug. Then I walked over to my girlfriend. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and we left the school hand in hand. I realized that the scene was loaded with symbolism. I was leaving my early teenage years behind, my innocent phase of first discoveries and disappointments. Things that could be personified in Finn Hudson. Then, I embraced my future: Quinn Fabray. Everything I experienced was perfect within imperfection. It was romantic. But the time has come to move on to a new, more complex and equally imperfect and good stage.