"Detonate," Jimi whispers.
"Aw, fu—" Raven says before an explosion throws her in the air.
"Lightning Release: Fazing Flash Kick!" The Marine Contra back-flips, slamming his electrified boots one after the other into Raven's chin, rocketing her through the ceiling, 'That must've hurt.'
Crane hangs onto a rafter jutting from a ruined section of the skyscraper. He reaches for the steel girder, but his grasp slips against its slick surface. Below, a mass of shadows shift and shuffle in the dark; lightning reveals the growing Red Zetsu hoards scaling the surface after him. Despite his injury, the struggling shinobi pulls himself inside a lavish conference room with comfy office chairs and a large, sleek table in the center. After dusting himself off and confirming his ribs and internal organs are not suffering any critical damage, a dreadful realization hits him like a truck.
FLASHBACK NO-JUTSU
"By the way, dork doc—I'm a man. Lightning Release: High Voltage Vendetta!"
END FLASHBACK
Heat rises in Crane's cheeks; he slumps on a chair, his face flushing red with shame and humiliation. A ghostly humanoid fishlike creature with big bulging eyes and dark-red skin appears beside him.
"It's a trap!" the apparition warns before fading away; Crane dismisses the Force Ghost as a lingering genjutsu from a dead caster.
It dawns on the Medical-nin like a slap across the face as he recalls many nights alone (as far as he knows) in his office with what he now doubts is a woman's picture. 'The top brass should've at least known Malkhaz's CORRECT gender before cataloging a dossier!' Crane shudders, remembering how many of his fellow shinobi keep copies of the ASF's Bingo Book. 'In retrospect, the model on the front cover of Majin Booty Magazine – Issue No. 4 looks precisely like her—HIM or whatever!'
Crane's hands rest on his mask, unaware of the creeping danger, 'After I recover Malkhaz's body, I'll check to be certain. I'll pass it off as an autopsy and…' there's a light tap of a footstep, the scrunching leather of his conference chair. A pair of hands squeeze his shoulders, causing him to wince in pain. A silhouette of an older woman with long white hair appears before him.
Lightning brightens the conference room. An eyeball dangles from the wheezing mutant hag's bloody, decomposing skull as discharge and maggots ooze from every wound covering its slimy flesh. Crane smashes a vase across the Red Zetsu's head, knocking out its dentures. The abomination falls onto a glass side table, shattering it. He leaps over the office chair, but the cannibalistic fiend snatches his ankle, tripping him. He kicks the mutant in its face, then rushes across a couch for his sword.
The flesh-eating ghoul springs off the ground, tackling Crane onto the cushion; he frees his upper body and tries leaping away, but the Red Zetsu has a firm grasp of the Medical-nin's pants. The mutant throws him back on the couch; the shinobi's trousers slip around his ankles. He clasps the armrest, struggling to escape, but the abomination lunges forward, clutching his boxers.
"Aaagh! No! Nononono! No! No!" The Medical-nin panics as his boxers rip and tear. The mutant throws Crane's underwear down, yanking him towards the couch again, "Get off me, no!" the salivating ghoul clutches his Junie Cakes, "Not my glorious gluteus maximus!" Its jaw unhinges before chomping down, "Aagh!" he screams as the toothless Red Zetsu suckles and slurps, "My glutes! My glutes! She's gummin' my glorious glutes!"
A mutant lunges at Jim from above; he ducks as it crashes through a window behind him. The Red Zetsu falls, fading into darkness; a distant crash follows a blaring car alarm.
"Toasty~!"
Jim shrugs before continuing up the stairs onto the next floor. Raven hangs upside down from the ceiling, appearing unconscious, so he slaps an explosive tag on a kunai before throwing it.
Raven's eyebrows raise, and her now bloodshot eyes bulge; the kunai detonates on impact. Jim rushes up the stairs, snickering. Despite his target escaping the explosion, the kunai hit its mark. His snickering turns to full-blown laughter, knowing he bulls-eye the brown eye.
"You insufferable wretch!" the furious kunoichi screams, appearing behind Jim.
Jim is on the defensive, dodging and deflecting an onslaught of kicks capable of removing his head. The Anbu captain's high roundhouse kick clashes with Jim's high heel kick, yet his calf hooks around her hamstring, ensnaring the kunoichi's leg; the Marine Contra dispatches swift, sharp jabs and pokes to Raven's floating rib, triceps, elbow, and wrist before shoving his knee into her celiac plexus like a battering ram.
Raven surprises Jim with a Flying Armbar, slamming him to the ground. Yet, he breaks free before she can dislocate his shoulder. Raven unsheathes her sword; he seizes the kunoichi's wrist, preventing her from slitting his throat. A jolt of agony via Chakra Absorption Jutsu disarms Raven. The genocidal war criminal overturns, then strangles her with a D'Arce/Brabo Choke.
Jim's grip tightens; the frigid stare of a psychotic mass murderer bares down upon Raven. She struggles, but his grasp is unyielding; her lungs burn from lack of oxygen. The kunoichi's chakra depletes as her vision fades. She snatches a rotary dialing phone and clocks him across the head; Jim remains uncertain if it's his head or the phone ringing. She Suplexes him onto a table, then slams her elbow into his chest, almost knocking the wind from him. He redirects the Anbu captain's elbow, rolls back, and kicks her in the torso. The fugitive grabs a computer keyboard before bashing her across the head. Raven can't tell if stars or computer keys are falling around her. Regardless, she's livid!
They re-engage in close-quarters taijutsu. Jim has experience and speed, but Raven has talent and power; she reads, predicts, mimics, and begins using his fighting style against him, 'How is this possible!?' Jim wonders, 'Unless… No! Not one of them!' he panics, increasing the speed and ferocity of his attacks. He catches the kunoichi with a jab, cross, hook combo, two quick consecutive rib kicks, a rising kick to her chin, and back down into an ax-kick.
Raven sidesteps an incoming ax-kick before thrusting her boot into Jim's abdomen, then hurling a reverse roundhouse kick at his head; he ducks (Esquiva). She jumps, sustaining an airborne assault, stomping at his face. He blocks, but the volley of kicks keeps him on defense.
Raven lands, yet her onslaught remains swift, relentless, and precise. The Marine Contra counters with a heel kick; the Anbu captain's lightning-fast reflexes allow her to capture his leg centimeters from her head. However, she is on the receiving end of a Head-Scissors Takedown.
Jim lunges after Raven's throat; she grabs his wrists, struggling to forestall him from absorbing her chakra. He inches closer, but she head-butts him in the face, then drives her boots into his chest. He flies through the air and crashes behind a reception desk.
"Oof!" Jim hops on the desk, fuming with a bloody nose, "suck 1.21 Jigawatts, bitch!" his hands blur over a sequence of seals, "Lightning Release: Ballistic Bolt Barrage!" A torrent of lightning surges after Raven; she zooms past the cubicles like a greased weasel. The currents close in, but the Anbu captain dives away, preventing the twin bolts from vaporizing her. The lightning beams dissipate; she uses the opportunity to re-strategize. The kunoichi spots her sword in an adjacent cubicle.
Jim surveys the vicinity, scanning for the slightest activity or noise. With the Bolts of Zeus, he smites any Red Zetsus unfortunate enough to draw his attention, reducing them to red paste bespattering the floors and walls. Clattering draws his attention; a civilian wearing a purple sweater appears from a cubicle in the front row in the far right corner.
"Toasty~!" the civilian choruses.
"Whoa! Uh—what?" Jim stammers, unable to conceal his astonishment, 'A survivor!? And what did he say?'
"Uh—I said Toasty~! Because that was the most fabulous play ever! Up high~!" the Toasty beams, waving its arm in a high-five motion.
"What do you mean by toasty?"
"You know, like, whoa, nice move. That was freakin' Toasty~! So, like, let's head over to TGI Fridays! Cause there's a special on everything Top-shelf~! And I got a Gift card~! With like fifty-three Ryō left on it!"
"What!? Who in the!? Where the hell did you!? How are you even!?" Jim stutters, "I really can't deal with this right now..." he grumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Never mind. Do you mind leaving? I'm kind of in the middle of something right now."
The Toasty slumps in disappointment, "No... no. I get it—yeah. I hear you out. That's—uh. That's cool. That's Toasty~!"
"No! It isn't Toasty~!"
"Watch out~!"
Jim dives away from a flaming skull.
"Toasty~!" the Anbu captain mocks, appearing behind Jim. He clasps his hands, preventing himself from being cut down the middle. Jim condenses and discharges chakra from his hands, generating a miniature shockwave that stumbles Raven backward. He rushes forward with a kunai at the kunoichi; they clash into a crescendo of swift blurs, discharging sparks with every collision. Flames surround them as they skirmish in the middle of the room, set ablaze by a ferocious exchange of lightning and fire jutsu.
A violent rumbling on the upper floors hastens, growing louder every second; Jim and the kunoichi disengage, back-flipping away before a steel girder crashes through the ceiling. They stare each other down. The floor's weakening structural integrity induces a sense of anxiousness in Raven; however, the fugitive crouches across the room with a sly grin.
"Jumpin' feet first into hell ain't my mission; making sure it's crowded before I get there is!"
"Nani!?" Raven questions.
"Oh, that's right; you branch-leapin' star-chuckers speak Japanese."
"I don't know what you said in your native tongue, but something tells me it's what you'd get it ripped from your throat for!" the Anbu captain snaps.
"Will you, or can you?" Jim taunts, swapping back to Japanese.
"I damned well can, and you better believe I will, Jimi," she responds, preparing to attack. Before Raven and Jim can proceed, a long-drawn-out scream approaches. Groans of mindless hunger echo in the halls and stairwells, drowning out the cries of distress.
Crane hops out of the dark down the hallway, trying to pull up his trousers. A screeching mutant hag rushes out of the darkness after him with a hoard not far behind.
"No! NO! NO! Don't lead them over here, you idiot!" Jim yells.
The shinobi clenches his junie cakes, hopping even faster, "Get bent, Malkhaz!" Raven watches with indifference, not sure what to make of the situation. Her eye twitches out of sheer annoyance at Jim and Crane's antics. The Medical-nin hops away like he's in a wild sack race with the hordes sprinting after him and his buns, "Step off! Step back! Step away! Step back! Don't—don't step forward; step back! Don't step forward; step backward! Backward! Don't step. To me! Do—not—step—to mee! Eurgh!"
'I'll be torn to shreds unless I act fast!' A cracked lightbulb flickers above the war criminal, 'This isn't my brightest idea, but it's something.' He manipulates a small but dense quantity of electrokinetic chakra around his hand with a nervous chuckle. Rings of Power materialize, levitating above Jim's palm. He ensures both targets align before thrusting his hand forward, releasing the technique, "Surging Centrifuge Jutsu!" Concentric chakra rings rush through the air; he clasps his hands, forming the snake hand seal. The floating chakra rings halt in the entryway. In an instant, Crane is airborne, tumbling like a Tomahawk before his bare behind slams into Raven's face.
"Toasty~!"
The pulsating Rings of Power send Raven and Crane crashing into a wall. The Anbu stagger back to their feet. Jim curses, wondering, 'how they're even conscious!?' without equilibrium, they can't discern between the distinct sounds or sights around them. The disjointing haze recedes as both Anbu begin making sense of the world around them.
"Ugh, my head." Raven slurs.
Crane pulls up his trousers; a rock bounces off his mask, then Raven's. They shift their attention, glaring daggers at the fugitive.
"Hey, you dried-up dingleberries! Let's meet on the rooftops and settle this once and for all!" Jim provokes, calling the Anbu out. He discharges a smoke bomb, then disappears.
The mutant hag flies out from the black haze, extending its arms at Crane and Raven; they dodge, letting it tumble out an adjacent window. Their eyebrows raise, coming to the same horrifying conclusion. The hoards reach Jim's Surging Centrifuge. The Anbu dive away as hundreds of Red Zetsus launch through the air. Raven and Crane gawk as the hideous abominations catapult over them, then off the skyscraper.