(Santana)
"Oh, when you said you'd come early, I expected something less early." I complained as soon as I answered the door for Quinn, and made way for her to come in.
We were in Astoria's apartment finalizing the move. As far as Rachel and I were concerned, we had nothing more to do there, but we still had the responsibility of delivering the apartment clean. All that was left was Quinn's things. All she had to do was decide what to do: what she would take, what she would sell and what would go in the garbage can.
"It's almost nine o'clock. And you're off your crutches!" She walked in with some folded cardboard boxes under her arm and placed them against the counter that divides the kitchen from the living room. Impressive how she managed to keep her bitchy posture even though she was underneath. "It's depressing in here without the furniture."
"I brought breakfast." I showed her the food on the counter. "If we're going to finish packing your things and cleaning up to hand over the keys, we need to be well fed."
Quinn looked longingly at the apples, the bag of brioche and the jar of jam, as well as the liter of chocolate milk and the thermos with coffee. It was so obvious that she was hungry. I mean, I didn't know Santiago that well, but what little I did know was that he was a pretty sloppy guy. Quinn may have been the lady of organization and cleanliness, but she was a moron when it came to the simplest matters of running a household. I could soften it and say that this was a task I had always done: budgeting, keeping track of bills, grocery lists. Quinn should have been minimally competent to do such tasks. But she wasn't. I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't at least one bag of industrialized bread in her house.
"I haven't had breakfast yet." I said, trying not to laugh at her hungry face. "If you want to join me, feel free."
"Okay." She said unceremoniously. She picked up the disposables I'd brought and served herself with all the formality she was capable of, as if she were still the usual aristocratic Quinn Fabray. But this time together made me aware of certain details that other people would overlook, such as the fact that she ate the apple. Yes, apple, with interesting enthusiasm. Apple is a fruit that doesn't excite Quinn.
"How long has it been since you had a decent breakfast?"
"Every day, for your information. However, my current financial conditions and Santiago's mean that we have to keep things to the basics."
"What would that be?"
"Coffee... and some cookies." She frowned. "Not everyone has an actress's salary, receives allowance from their parents or has a secret billionaire grandfather. But I'm doing very well, if you ask me. Santiago and I are still in the adjustment phase."
I see."
"Where's Rachel?" Another miserable attempt by Quinn to sound casual. I bet it was the first thing she wanted to ask as soon as she walked in and didn't see my sister.
"In case you think my sister refused to come and help so she wouldn't see you, you're not that important. She went to the organic market she found on Steinway Street to do some shopping for the house. She should be here shortly to inspect the cleanliness."
"How are things at Rock'n'Pano?" She asked in another attempt to sound casual. "I noticed that you deposited just over 100 dollars in my account. Has business improved?"
"I sold more last month and things will be even better this month. I closed a good deal, I'll be able to pay off all the outstanding loans I took out with zaide in relation to the company and, who knows, maybe I'll start walking on my own two feet."
"That's good to hear. I'm really proud, San."
"I'll send the sales report to you, Johnny and Mercedes as soon as possible." I liked to set the record straight, and I was even closing the report so that no one would accuse me of withholding money that wasn't owed. "What about you? How are things in the movie business?"
"That short film is coming out. I'll be able to combine it with NYU and real estate. Santiago has a project to shoot at festivals. It's a good script, really, but we don't have the money to make it happen. Apart from that, it's the same struggle as always. Santiago says there's going to be a new selection for an internship at Bad Things. Maybe I'll try that."
"You'll get the money in good time." Quinn nodded and smiled briefly. As much as I trusted her even less, and sincerely thought she deserved to go through her current ordeals, I didn't want to see her in misery. Far from it.
Quinn was kind enough to help put the food away and put the disposable items in the appropriate trash bag. Then she looked at the pile of her things in the corner of the room. I needed to make a quick, cursory selection before we took everything in there that wasn't on the contract out of the apartment and possibly into the garbage can. Meanwhile, I needed to sweep the rooms and clean out my old closet and wash the bathroom. I decided to start with the bathroom, while Quinn packed her things.
We finished the job in no time, and I sighed at what promised to be a slow and tedious Saturday. I basically had jobs to do for Columbia, the week's laundry to do, because in the household chores that Rachel and I share, this activity is on my to-do list. Quinn's presence was a welcome distraction that morning.
"Do you want some help?" I asked when Quinn started trying to pack up the television she was going to take back to her apartment.
"I'm fine. Santiago's going to freak when he sees the size of this television. Our current one is practically a computer monitor."
"He's coming to pick you up, then?"
"Yes, he will. Santiago has this friend who lends him his car when he needs it. He'll be here soon."
"Let's hope he comes early to help clean the tops of the kitchen cupboards."
Quinn smiled and resumed packing up the television as she saw fit so as not to damage it. Meanwhile, I plucked up the courage to clean out the closet. I decided to put some discreet music on my cell phone, something quiet so as not to disturb, just to help with the work. In the meantime, Rachel arrived, looking very unfriendly. She put our car keys on the counter and barely looked at Quinn. And to think it was the first time the two of them had seen each other since their break-up.
"Hi Rachel." Quinn's voice was honeyed, full of hope.
"Quinn..." My sister replied drier than the Sahara desert. "Santana, did I tell you that you weren't supposed to do this kind of cleaning? What if you slip and hurt yourself again? Do you really want to spend another three months in boots, crutches and walking sticks?"
"Don't waste my time, Rachel, and go and do your bit."
Rachel grumbled, picked up the cleaning materials and went to work in her old room. The most interesting part of this cleaning party to hand over the apartment was seeing my sister and Quinn reunite. Rachel was so tense that I could see her temples jumping in the distance, because she had a habit of clenching her teeth, like a bruxism. Quinn was pure anxiety. She didn't know whether to continue working on her things or try to get closer to my sister and possibly have some kind of contact.
Me? If the microwave was still there, I swear I'd buy some popcorn, pop it and just watch. Their reaction was better than watching the romantic comedies starring Meg Ryan in the 1990s. Especially as it seemed that the universe had been struggling to produce good films of this genre in recent years. I don't know if it was a lack of imagination, or a lack of charisma in the cast involved. Anyway, there was a good story to follow inside my own home.
"Have you finished sorting out what you're going to bequeath and what goes in the garbage can?" Rachel's voice was controlled and formal. "The only thing left to do is vacuum the carpet."
"All that's left is to close that box." Quinn raised her infamous eyebrow and at that point I was trying not to laugh. I'm sure it wasn't easy for my sister to see her ex-fiancée again, but that exaggerated control was ridiculous.
"Santana informed me that she was at a shower for your new house with Santiago." Rachel said as she finished sweeping the room.
"We won a lot of things, I think it was worth having the party. What about your new house?" Quinn asked. She could have talked about it with me, but she seemed to be saving it for Rachel. I had to roll my eyes.
"It's great. I'm very happy there." My sister answered directly and dryly.
"Aren't you having a shower or an open house?"
"Honestly, Quinn, neither my sister nor I are interested in having parties in our new home. Not for now, anyway, and we don't need to have a shower. In fact, we have everything we need."
"Except a sofa set!" I joked, and Quinn raised her eyebrow once again. My sister just grumbled, "It's just that Rachel and I couldn't agree on the decoration of the living room. So basically, only our bedrooms and the kitchen are furnished in the house. The living room is so clean it looks like a party room."
Rachel's cell phone rang. We were paying attention, especially as her tense body suddenly relaxed.
"Hi." Rachel said as if she was in flirting mode. "Day off. I've been working all week on exhausting dance rehearsals so I wanted to take a well-deserved rest... of course..." And she walked towards my old room. "Today?" Rachel laughed. "I'll have to think about it..." She closed the door.
Quinn suddenly became breathless. She walked towards me and gestured as if trying to find the words.
"Is she seeing anyone?" She whispered shrilly.
"Look, I don't have to give any information..."
"Santana!" She gestured as if shaking herself.
"Not that I know of." I whispered. "The most accurate thing I can say is that she liked the cast of Bowie's play. Maybe it could be someone from there. Maybe it's Sean Lewis, with whom she's starring again. My sister is really excited and that's all I know. Then I have my own life to play and I don't hear every detail of the mile-long stories she tells."
"Okay, I know you don't pay attention, but try to remember..." Quinn was on the verge of freaking out and I would have found it hilarious if I hadn't been pressured. "Wasn't there anyone she could have mentioned with more excitement?"
"Apart from Rom?"
It was as if I had thrown a bucket of cold water on Quinn. She literally froze.
"Rom? Rom Tyler?"
"They're friends, and they talk often." I got defensive. I didn't say it to provoke. I just told the truth: Rachel and Rom have been talking a lot since she went to launch the series in Los Angeles. My sister only told me a few things, but what I do know is that they have gotten over the kissing episode.
"After everything that's happened, are they still friends?"
There was no more time for questions. Rachel left the room, and Quinn was in a state of restrained anger. She gathered her boxes back into a corner to make it easier to remove the objects and clean the room. I thought it best not to get too close. It was better to stay put and try to distract myself by looking at the internet while they finished their chores.
"Cane, Santy!" Rachel warned when she saw me cross the room.
"I'm going to sit here in this corner..."
"I'll vacuum now." Rachel barely waited for Quinn to get her things out and started vacuuming, as if her life depended on it. It was a familiar and domestic scene, despite the awkward atmosphere between them.
"So Rachel... how are things at the play?" Quinn tried to make a little more conversation.
"They're great. The schedule is up to date and the cast is the most professional I've worked with on Broadway so far."
"Any particular castmates that are interesting?" She tried to be casual. She tried, but anyone who knew a bit about Quinn Fabray knew that she failed miserably.
"Not that it's any of your business, Quinn."
"Ouch!" I tried to be discreet, but my interjection came out louder than I intended. Suddenly there were two pairs of eyes on me, which made me pretend to be reading something very important on my cell phone screen.
"You sounded excited on the phone just now. Was that Rom by any chance?"
"Rom?" Rachel raised her voice. "Why would it be Rom?" Then I felt a particularly heavy pair of eyes on me. I tried not to stare at my sister. I knew she was calling me a gossiper by telepathy. Twins had that.
"I hear you're still friends with him, despite everything."
"Yes, we're friends. And again, this is absolutely none of your business. If I want to sleep with Rom, have a relationship with him, it's none of your business! By the way, we hang out too, so that might happen." Wow, that was hurtful. Even I was stunned.
"It's just that I was surprised that you're still close to the guy who caused our breakup. But..." Quinn raised her arms as if in surrender. "Each to their own. I can at least say that I lay my head on the pillow and sleep well every night."
"Really?" Rachel went berserk. "With or without an alcoholic coma? By the way, you forget very quickly that, between the two of us, you were the one who slept with someone else. By the way, how is the girl you had sex with? Still warming your sheets?"
"Girls!" I appealed before things got ugly. "Enough, okay!" I said emphatically and gave them both time to breathe. "Quinn, you didn't come here for this."
"I know. I know. I'm just going to put these things together. Five more minutes and..." Quinn gestured to the exit. "Santiago should be here any minute."
Quinn closed and sealed the last box anyway. The initial careful work went to waste at the first sign of jealousy. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned Rom at all. It was my sister's fault that she said she got along with him, and what's more, the premiere of Slings and Arrows was coming up this week, and it was obvious that he and Rachel would be doing something together around the city.
"Santiago seems to have forgotten to pick you up. Would you like a ride?" I offered, even under Rachel's ugly gaze. The box felt horribly heavy.
"No, thank you."
"It won't be a problem. I can leave my sister at home and then I'll drop you off. We'll just hand over the keys tomorrow!" I insisted.
"If you want, I can pay for your cab if your little friend doesn't show up." Rachel said, her tone wounded.
"Thank you, Rachel." Quinn's voice came out controlled this time, as if HBIC had come back to life. "You can even have it done for me, but if you do, make sure it's done well, because I don't want you to keep some of my things as souvenirs. I wouldn't want you to use my books to impress your friends by saying you've read something you've never opened."
"You're disgusting."
The fight didn't go any further because Quinn's cell phone went off. It was Santiago on the phone, saying he was in front of the building. As I said, I don't know much about Santiago, but he had perfect timing this time, which brought the argument to an end. Quinn asked him to come up, and within two minutes there was her friend smiling awkwardly at us. He pointed out the boxes she was going to take and the one full of garbage, heading for the first garbage can they saw. Santiago got to work and so did we. Despite my sister's protests, I offered to help. I took a plastic bag that Quinn had sorted out to take with her while she took a lighter box so she could leave at once.
"You need to learn to control yourself if you want her back." I said cheekily as the elevator descended, taking advantage of the fact that it was just Quinn and me. "Staying in this tug-of-war isn't going to help."
"Would you root for me?"
"Honestly?" Quinn nodded, and the elevator door opened. We walked slowly to the exit of the building. "I'm rooting for my sister's happiness and, as incredible as it may sound, for yours too, together or apart. Whatever's best. Rachel still loves you very much. But from what I've seen now, I think it's best that you stay apart for a while longer. My sister isn't ready to forgive you, and you don't seem to have learned your lesson."
"I thank you for supporting my well-being, San, but I can't agree with you when it comes to being apart from Rachel. It... it hurts too much. You don't think so, but I regret many of the things I've done. I regret hitting you and hurting you. I regret hurting Rachel. I regret sleeping with Monica. I regret having wasted so much time stuffing my face instead of working on my reconciliation. Now I don't know how I'm going to get her to forgive me and come back with me."
"Then do the right thing, Fabray."
"What? Give her space? Time? Am I not doing that?"
"That and solve your own stuffs. Don't push it like you're doing now. Not when you bring out everything she hates most about you. In fact, you urgently need to get a grip. It would help if you tamed the caveman inside you. For your information, Captain Cavebray, the club went out of fashion millennia ago."
"I'm not…"
"You have a problem, Quinn. You have jealousy problems and trouble controlling your anger. You should seek help before trying to reconcile with my sister. I know you love her and I know she loves you, but if you even admit you have a problem, then stay away from her."
Quinn was angry. I could feel it. We put the last of the boxes in the car Santiago had packed. She just got in the car and then they both drove off. When I come back the apartment, I found my sister waiting for me at the door with my walking stick in hand. I couldn't forget the crutches. The cane was another story. I simply couldn't make proper use of that piece of wood. I knew it was wrong because I couldn't force my ankle yet and I had followed the treatment to the letter only to have it all fall apart in the end. It was hard.
"You don't say anything." I picked up the cane.
"Did she really leave?"
"Yes."
"And left that box of garbage for us to get rid of?" Rachel grumbled.
"Think of the symbolism."
"What symbolism? Her sloppiness?"
"Never mind, Ray. Let's close the damn apartment and end this chapter once and for all."
...
October 07, 2015
(Rachel)
I was nervous. Being the lead actress in the play "What Would Bowie Do" gave me some bargaining power, but the people at Cosmic Stage had nothing to do with my contract with HBO and therefore with my professional commitments to the series. The best I could do was get my act together and try to reconcile rehearsals with the show's promotional season as best as I could.
I had to rehearse the dance and singing numbers before I went on stage. WWBD was an off-Broadway musical with dramatic features and a 16 rating. There was partial nudity in the play. In my case, an implied sex scene in which I was topless. It was something daring in my early stage career. It was a play about youthful discovery in which the character who has an illness is forced to leave home and travel in the figurative world of wonders in search of her own cure. It's a beautiful metaphor for the pains of growing up. The text was co-written by David Bowie and Lena Snider and the cast includes me in the leading role, plus eight actors in main roles, as well as ensembles and the understudies. The songs were almost all original and exclusive to the play, except for "Changes" and "Life on Mars", which the play was inspired by.
"Rachel." Jules Martin, the choreographer, shouted. "Come on. You're scattered today. Let's get into step."
I looked at my cast mates: Sean Lewis, Will Potter, Alisha Glass, Britany Saar and Gomez Diaz were among those rehearsing. The rest of the actors were veterans and weren't in the studio that day. The truth is that I let the HBO premiere affect my obligations for the week and everyone's patience was stretched to the limit. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to get home, get ready and attend the premiere in New York. What's worse, it would look bad to be part of the main cast of the series.
"I'm trying my best." I looked at Kat.
I did the choreography again. I wasn't perfect. At least I got through. Will Potter, my romantic partner, the guy who was going to fondle my breasts, gave me a bored look. He was an insufferable predatory gay. He had no tell-tale signs of his sexuality, so he could pass himself off as an alpha male anywhere. And he was still a great young theater actor. I think that's why he had a certain overbearing air about him and I was convinced he hated me. He was the exception in the cast. Everyone else was nice and friendly, or at least professional. I knew Sean Lewis from Songbook. It was a pleasure to meet him again, he's more confident and experienced.
Britney was a competitive actor, just like the character she played, but she knew how to work as a team. Gomez was fun, an easy-going, talented actor who charmed without making any effort. He was a veteran of the stage, who had started his career as a child, and had basically done several television roles. Alisha was seductive and fun. She had frightening confidence when she sang and danced. It was her on the phone when Quinn was at my house. Alisha asked me out and I said yes, but unlike what Quinn probably thought, it wasn't a romantic date.
To begin with, Alisha is heterosexual and had proposed a night of hunting in which she would get a man for herself and whatever for me. Neither happened. At the end of the night, we met up with Gomez and Sean, we went out to dance and had a drink. I met up with Nick Brown, my old castmate from Across The Universe, and it was great to hear that he had also moved on after we were fired from that play. Breaking up with Quinn was painful, but it gave me the opportunity to start experimenting with a light single life that was also interesting and enjoyable.
"You should be more professional, Berry." Will complained during our break. "We all have appointments and no one is rushing things unlike you."
"Mind your own business, Potter." Sean defended me and then started massaging my shoulders. "It'll work out." He said in my ear.
"Will it? The way Martin's sarcastic, she's going to make us rehearse overtime."
"Not under protest from the union."
Broadway actors had set working hours, at least in theory. They tended to be more respected than in the case of many television actors, who earned per episode and still had to fulfill a promotional schedule. Anyway, we did the choreography one more time and, to my surprise, Martin dismissed us before the clock.
I ran and took a cab straight home, which was an advantage since I lived close to the studio. I had just over two hours to get the premiere. Almost the entire cast would be there, as well as VIPs and my friends.
The cab ride took only five minutes, Santana was practically ready when I arrived, and I ran straight to the bathroom. My shower took just enough time to apply soap and wash my hair. Santana helped me dry it in a war-like procedure. Finally, I put on my short dress, an exclusive designer model, and my high-heeled shoes. Santana did some emergency make-up, since she was much better at it than I was. Nails? I'd better hide my hands or not worry about it. We flew to our car and Santana chauffeured me to the red carpet. Nina was there waiting for me. My cast mates were working with the press. I only had time to be photographed and ran into the theater. I didn't see where Santana was, or my friends. I stood next to Ruth, one of the production assistants, and Nina when the first episode started.
The editing was impressive. It was the first time I had seen the final result and I was amazed by the performance of Andrew May and Will Passon. What chemistry! Simply fantastic. I think I'd appreciate Grace Hemon more if she were less of a diva. Then came the opening. Ten seconds of vignette until the Slings and Arrows logo. The first part focusing on the veteran actors was great. The pace of the 45-minute drama was perfect. I only appeared in the final 15 minutes of the episode. It was just the introduction of my character with Rom and Amanda. We didn't have much to do in this first episode, we were more like extras, and Luis wouldn't appear until the second episode. It was strange to see myself for the first time on the big screen in a professional production. Despite the short screen time, I think it could have been better, but I think the younger cast did very well. The second episode was shown next. My story and Luis' story started to move from there. We had good chemistry on screen, that was a fact. Rom and Amanda, on the other hand, didn't make a good pair.
When the session ended in applause, Tom and Robert took to the stage to make some speeches and considerations. Questions were not allowed to the press at that moment.
"Rachel Berry-Lopez." I was approached by a critic from the Hollywood Reporter. "Congratulations. I was positively surprised by the pilot and the sequel."
"Thank you." I replied, with Nina attentive to the conversation.
"Congratulations indeed. I didn't know your work. I knew you came from Broadway, but I had no idea. Get ready, because if this series is discovered by the teens, you and Luis will have a problem."
"Why?"
"Because of the tons of them that will stat shipping you both. You know how these kids are."
I nodded and tried to greet my directors and cast mates first. Everyone was very happy with the final result and it was indeed a first-rate piece of work. I got a kiss on the cheek from Luis, George and May. Amanda gave me a warm hug, as did Will Passon. Then came Rom. He smiled and gave me a discreet kiss on the head. Then we parted. He knew I wouldn't want to feed the gossip industry with rumors about us.
"You look beautiful." Rom said close to my ear.
"You're extremely kind." I retorted.
The party started, the photographers were doing their thing and I finally got a hug from my friends who had come to see me. Johnny was well-dressed, perfumed and in a style that we knew he reserved for special occasions, like the day he met my parents at Santana's graduation from Stuyvesant.
"You kicked ass as always, Rach." He said as he gave me a bear hug.
"Thank you."
"Who'd have thought that over-the-top actress from the amateur theater in Lima could get a grip." Santana sneered, but she wouldn't be my sister if she didn't.
I also went to say hello to Sean, Alisha and Gomez. I was happy that my current castmates were also there. And so the party went on. But it seemed that something was missing. Someone. Quinn. After all, she deserved to be there because she had experienced the whole process with me. I didn't send her an invitation because I was too hurt by the argument we'd had at the weekend. At that party of free drinks and snacks, I looked for a quiet place and took out my cell phone. I clicked on the name that I had rarely accessed for a month.
"Rachel?" I heard her voice in surprise on the other end of the line.
"Hi."
"Hi... did something happen?"
"It's not that... today is the premiere of the series and... I think you deserved to be here..."
"Oh!"
"Sorry, Quinn. I'm sorry I didn't send you the invitation. I'm sure you'd have fun at the party."
"I knew today was the premiere. Johnny told me. But I'm not upset. I swear. I just stood here praying that everything would work out." I didn't doubt that she was rooting for it, but it was a lie that she wasn't upset. "Rach?" she asked after my brief silence on the phone.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry for my behavior the day we emptied the apartment. It won't happen again."
"That's fine." There was another brief silence before she found the courage to say the words. "I'll see you soon? I mean, not on a date, but I wish we could get together on some circumstantial occasion and behave like good friends. Despite our relationship, we were good friends, Quinn, and I miss my friend."
"I'd be happy to meet you any time. I'd be happy to talk to you whenever you want, but I can never be your friend. Not really. It's not enough for me to be just your friend, because I'll always want more from you." More silence because I needed to absorb those words. "Rachel?"
"I'm really sorry you feel that way. Bye, Quinn."
I turned off my cell phone and took a deep breath to compose myself. I stuck out my nose and headed back to the premiere party. In the distance I saw Santana and Johnny closer than just good friends would be and I frowned. I wondered. I took the opposite route. Maybe my eyes weren't deceiving me and there really was something else going on between those two. I wouldn't object because I loved Johnny and, deep down, he would be the right guy to make my sister forget Brittany once and for all.
"What a great party, Rachel." Gomez approached and handed me a glass of wine.
"Beware that they're much more dangerous than the promotion parties on Broadway, you bet."
"I can see that. Shouldn't that guy be your so-called boyfriend?"
He pointed at Rom. Even a guy as out of touch as Gomez knew the gossip.
"He's just a good friend of mine. I've never had anything, absolutely nothing with him... except a casual kiss."
"That's excellent."
"Why?"
"Because I'd like to ask you out and it would be very annoying if you were involved with somebody else." I was speechless with surprise. "So Rachel, how about a date?"