There is a content warning for this chapter for mentions of sexual assault. While there is nothing graphic or explicit as said incidents are only referred to in the past tense, please read at your discretion. The aforementioned scene begins with Sirius's line to Piper "So, Pimply, now that we're all friends again..." and continues to the end of the chapter. Please feel free to skip it if you're not comfortable reading it. I will have more to say at the end of this chapter.

Chapter Ten

Untouchable

The next week was strange, and that was saying a lot, even for me.

After my rocky agreement with Lupin to become acquaintances and cut out the drama (which I found highly ironic, considering we were both in the drama club now), things had been almost…peaceful.

The morning after Lupin's apology I woke up early, strangely wired. I had decided in my bed the night before as I was tossing and turning that I would make up with Dorcas and the others, considering Lupin and I were no longer enemies and – dare I say it – I was getting tired of being mad all the time. So I reached the conclusion that I would have to suck up my petty anger and just be the bigger person for once.

I worked on a Charms essay while I waited for them to wake up, which, I promise you, is something that I have never done. Half the time I hardly bothered with homework, and the other half was usually spent frantically copying my friends' essays five minutes before lessons started. It wasn't that I was lazy – I just had better things to do. And as long as I could scrape an E or an A in most lessons, I was golden.

Emmeline woke up first, as usual, and when she saw me cross-legged on my bed, balancing my parchment on one knee and my inkpot on the other, I understood her bafflement all too well.

"Er, hey, Pipes," she said, sitting up and squinting. "What are you doing awake so early?"

"Thought I'd get a head start on the day," I replied, jotting down a sentence for my essay. "Sleep well?"

"Um, yeah," she said before mumbling something that sounded like, "Am I still sleeping…?"

I didn't answer her, continuing with my essay as she got up and started going about her morning. Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, Becca and Dorcas began to stir, as well, each one meeting my hardworking presence in much the same fashion as Em had.

I finished my essay with a flourish of my quill that I'm sure Flitwick would love (after his reaction to my audition, I think it was safe to say that the man adored me) before setting it aside and clearing my throat, capturing the attention of the other girls.

"As you all know, I've been a royal pain in the ass for the last week," I said, meeting each of their eyes. Emmeline looked wary at my proclamation, while Dorcas and Becca wore twin expressions of suspicion and exasperation. "My behavior was out of line, and I'm sorry."

They all exchanged a glance as if I had announced my elopement with the giant squid while I waited patiently for their response.

"Why are you doing this?" Dorcas asked with narrowed eyes. "You never apologize."

"I've decided to turn over a new leaf," I said, raising my chin. "Last night put some things in perspective for me, and a new era is beginning at Hogwarts."

"What are you raving on about?" Becca said, and I frowned at her.

"Lupin and I have reached a truce," I said. "A ceasefire, if you will. We have agreed to become acquaintances for the greater good, and to stop being enemies."

I paused, waiting for them to say something, but when they didn't, I pouted. "What? This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

I raised my eyebrows at Dorcas, and she seemed to shake herself out of a stupor.

"Sorry," she said. "I was just trying to process what you had said. Repeat it again?"

"The war is over," I said slowly. "Lupin apologized, and I suggested we become acquaintances. The hatchet is buried."

"So, you and Lupin called a truce," Becca said. "But what about the rest of the Marauders? They still hate you, don't they?"

I scowled at her, but she had a point. Lupin and I were on even terms, but would the rest of the Marauders be? I'm sure Black would still hate my guts no matter what, and Pettigrew would go along with him just because, but Potter? I thought back to earlier this week when he had waited for me outside McG's office to see if I was all right. He had apologized to me too, and he had actually been civil. Did that mean he didn't hate me anymore? Because if he didn't, that would mean I had half the Marauders' forgiveness, and with Potter being the de facto leader of their little bunch, that could mean all of them might trust me again.

The thought made my heart twist, but before I could determine whether it was a good or a bad twist, Emmeline said, "Well, there's only one way to find out, right?"

We all looked at her questioningly, and she shrugged. "We could eat with them this morning. I have to ask Potter a few questions about the practice schedule anyway."

I balked at the thought of sitting with the Marauders at breakfast, but Dorcas was nodding.

"You're right, Em. Besides, we've sat with them before, and Mary and the others will be there. It'll be like neutral territory."

Neutral territory? I thought incredulously. Maybe for the rest of you, but that's no man's land for me.

"C'mon, then," Becca said. "Let's get ready; I'm starving."

Twenty minutes later we began walking toward the Great Hall, the girls talking animatedly about the upcoming Hogsmeade trip while I dragged my feet behind them, anxiety making my gut cramp.

Despite having made amends with Lupin (somewhat – I knew there was way too much baggage between us to sort it out magically overnight, and that we would likely have to deal with that – later rather than sooner, I hoped), this whole thing about merging our two groups seemed like jumping the gun. I mean, when I had suggested to Lupin we become acquaintances, I meant gradually. Like, a-glacier-moving-gradually. Not "here, let's throw a bomb at the glacier and blow it up like it's no big deal and everything is normal" gradually.

My unease grew as we got closer to the Hall, especially when I glanced at Dorcas and Becca and realized that they had never really accepted my apology earlier. Em was easy to read, and I knew she hadn't really been mad at me to begin with, so I wasn't bothered by her reaction, but the others… Had I really done something so terrible to them? I get it, I'd been downright foul to them, but did that warrant them not forgiving me?

Gross. All this thinking was giving me a headache, and lessons hadn't even started yet.

We entered the Hall, and I trailed behind Dorcas and the others as they headed for the center of the table, where the Marauders and the seventh-year Gryffindor girls sat at every meal. My eyes zeroed in on Lupin, who was eating his porridge with a slight grin on his face as Pettigrew talked to him, and my breath hitched as if someone had grabbed it and yanked it violently.

Why was I so bloody nervous? I'd held my ground against the seventh-years practically since coming to this school, and I'd never been like this before. Was I ill or something?

Don't pretend to be clueless, a snide little voice in my head said. Just admit that you're afraid of change.

I beat the voice away with a giant proverbial stick, even though my gut knew it was right. I'd been at war with the Marauders for so long that it had become something of a constant in my life, a sense of normalcy amidst all the chaos happening around me. How was I supposed to chuck five years out the window without a second thought? How could I suddenly befriend these people, the very same ones who had tormented me for so long? What Lupin told me, about all of them joining the war when they left Hogwarts, I understood that and I respected it, but would that and our truce be enough for me to forgive everything that happened in the past?

I had made myself thoroughly nauseous by the time we had reached the Marauders, and I half-hid behind Dorcas's much taller frame as Emmeline greeted them all like old friends.

"Hey, guys," she said. "Mind if we join you?"

Potter waved his hand for us to sit down, his mouth too full of toast to say anything properly, and the girls took their seats: Emmeline next to Potter and Black, Becca across from Pettigrew and Fortescue, and Dorcas between Macdonald and Evans, which I assure you, was an unnerving sight.

I hesitated, still standing there like a complete idiot while I tried to figure out where to sit. Unfortunately, my moment cost me, for just then the table fell silent, and everyone finally noticed that I was there.

Say something, Everlark! New leaf, remember?

"Hi," I blurted, struggling to keep my face neutral and my voice even, but I suddenly felt like I was standing at the staff table stark naked while the rest of the Hall laughed at me.

"Does anyone mind if Piper joins us this morning?" Emmeline asked, and I wondered when she had gained so much respect amongst the seventh-years.

Evans and McKinnon each looked as if they had smelled something foul, and I swear Black looked ready to pounce and rip my throat out as everyone else exchanged a glance. The only ones who seemed unbothered by my presence were the girls, of course, Lupin, and, surprisingly, Potter.

Finally managing to swallow the enormous bite of food in his mouth, Potter coughed slightly before saying, "Yeah, she's welcome."

Welcome? Welcome? This was the first time in years Potter had allowed me to be within a five-feet radius of him without insulting or hexing me, and I was feeling sicker by the minute. He stared at me expectantly, brows raised, and I forced a smile that had to look deranged as I said, "Er, thanks."

"Here," Lupin said, scooting over on his bench and patting a very small space in between him and Pettigrew. "You can sit here."

Trying not to feel like I was about to throw up, I slid onto the bench next to Lupin, having to fight to get my thighs to fit into the limited space; Lupin was lean enough, but Pettigrew had gained some weight since the holiday, and it was all I could do to keep him from squishing me against Lupin entirely.

I had to lock my knees together and shove my hands into my lap to avoid touching Lupin, nearly jumping out of my skin when his thigh brushed against mine as he moved to get some eggs. God, this was terrible. Why did I think this was a good idea? My stomach was so knotted I doubted I could eat anything if I tried, and it didn't help that Lupin was practically pressed against my side.

After a few awkward moments in which it became apparent that I wasn't about to fly into a bloodthirsty craze and kill everyone around me, the group went back to their conversations, not bothering to include me in any of them. I was perfectly content with that, however, opting to stare blankly at my empty plate while my fingers twisted the hem of my skirt anxiously.

"You should eat something."

I started so violently that my knees banged into the table. Swearing, I turned to look at Lupin, who was now eyeing me weirdly.

"'m not hungry," I mumbled, rubbing my sore kneecaps.

"Are you all right, Piper?"

I flinched at his use of my name – it was too casual, too familiar. If possible, my stomach double-knotted itself.

"Totally fine," I said. "Quite healthy, actually."

He stared at me.

"I'm fine," I said. "In fact, I'm so fine that I think I'm going to skive breakfast. See you later."

I attempted to rise from my seat, but Black's patronizing voice kept me down, and I looked at him sharply when he addressed me.

"So, Pimply, now that we're all friends again, why don't you tell us what you've been up to these last few years?" he said, and judging by the glitter in his eyes, I knew this was not going to end well. "I heard you've been slagging around since we were last on good terms."

"Piper doesn't slag around," Becca said, coming immediately to my defense.

"That's not what Bertram Aubrey said."

My heart dropped like a stone, entangling itself in my messy insides as Black grinned nastily at me.

"Did you really give it up to him in the library, Pimply? He said he had to keep covering your mouth you were moaning so loud, practically begging for him—"

"Sirius—" Potter said, but Black ignored him, continuing on as the room seemed to press closer around me, suffocating me—

"Tell me, Pimply, did you like it?" he said, leaning in, and the whole table seemed to hold their breath. "When you traded your virginity for his O.W.L. notes?"

"Sirius!" Lupin snapped, and his voice was so thick with rage it trembled, but I barely heard it. It was happening all over again, I could see it – fuck, I was going to be sick.

Wordlessly, I pushed myself to my feet and stumbled out of the Great Hall, unaware of what was going on around me. All I could see was that library, and the whorls of grain in the wood of that table, and my body—

I gave a loud sob, startling a group of Hufflepuff third-years entering the Hall, but I kept walking, unheeding of where exactly I was going. I found myself in the first-floor corridor, and at the first alcove I came to I collapsed inside of it, sobs wracking my body.

God, it was like a nightmare that wouldn't stop haunting me. I could feel the table digging into my stomach and hips, feel the pain and numbness spreading through my body all at once. I was fucking helpless. And he…he…

I retched, but seeing as I had nothing within me to throw up I just sat there gagging, struggling to breathe through my tears. Helpless. I'd been helpless. I did nothing. I am nothing. Nothing but a joke, nothing but a fucking object for people to mock and hate and abuse. I was just the school slag, nothing more. And fuck, maybe I had deserved it. After wrecking everything with Dad and Archie, after being such a bitch to everyone in my life. I hadn't said no. Maybe I'd tried. Maybe that was why he had covered my mouth. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to remember. And Black – that son of a bitch had ruined everything. Ruined me.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Why couldn't I stop crying?

I barely stirred at the sound of footsteps, not even bothering to sit up. I must've looked a right mess, sprawled on the floor with a runny nose and mascara smeared around my eyes, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I didn't feel much of anything at all, really, even when Lily Evans sat down beside my head, not saying a word.

She stayed silent while I cried out the rest of my tears, never once looking at me, never once speaking to me or touching me, but for that, I was grateful. I'm sure any one of those things would've shattered me completely, but she merely sat as I pieced myself back together, tugging back on my worn and rusty armor.

"I never wanted it to happen," I said into the silence between us. "I told him I'd pay him back if he gave me some of his notes for the Herbology O.W.L. and tutored me a bit, but his definition of payment was different than mine."

Every word out of my mouth was hollow and raw, my throat aching under the weight of words I had kept to myself for too long. I had no idea what had possessed me to tell Evans of all people, but her wordless presence seemed to crack something open inside me, allowing everything to rush forth as if a dam had broken.

"I'm sure it wasn't his intention," I continued. "But not once did he stop and ask me if I was all right with it. He just…did it. And I didn't do anything to stop him."

"It's not your fault," Evans said finally, her voice firm. "It's not."

I looked up at her, at her blazing emerald eyes and tight mouth, her expression torn between fury and a kind of sadness I had never experienced until now.

"When?" I asked her, and she flinched at my question.

"My fourth year," she said, clenching her fingers on the hem of her skirt. "The first time I ever drank at one of the parties after we had won the Quidditch Cup. He'd been a year older. I'm not sure either of us was sober enough to consent, but he'd taken me to his room anyway. The next thing I remember is waking up with my underwear gone and him passed out next to me."

"Did you tell anyone?" I asked quietly.

She shook her head slowly. "I was afraid of telling McGonagall or Dumbledore; I'd been drinking underage, and I was scared they weren't going to believe me because of that, blame me for being drunk or something. As for opening up about it…" She sighed. "It took me months to work up the courage to say something. I told my sister first." She smiled humorlessly. "She was beside herself; it was almost like she'd forgotten she hated me for a moment."

I listened to her as she spoke, her voice soft yet hard all at once, and that was when I knew I had severely underestimated Lily Evans. She was a fire unto herself, like a glowing hearth that welcomed you home at night, but also the inferno that could destroy you utterly if you got too close.

"I eventually ended up seeing someone my summer between fifth and sixth," she said. "Counseling helped; it allowed me to come to terms with it, almost, and let me understand that I couldn't change what had happened to me, but I didn't let it have to change me, as well – which is rubbish. Everyone changes after something like that, no matter how hard you try to strive for normal. It'll always be a part of you. That doesn't mean you have to let it ruin you."

She suddenly eyed me with those blazing eyes.

"Don't ever let someone belittle you over it," she said. "They will try to tear you down – hell, even your own mind will try to tear you down. But you just have to push back and be stronger. You didn't deserve it, and you didn't ask for it. You are stronger than what happened to you, and even if you don't feel like it, believe it. Because no one can break you. You are untouchable."

I was crying again, but this time I let her reach out and hug me, wrapping my arms around her as she squeezed me tightly, almost like a mother's embrace. She didn't even blink when I eventually drew away and left smears of makeup on her blouse, simply Charming it away with her wand as I struggled to regain my composure.

"It'll take time," she said as I produced a handkerchief from my robes pocket and began wiping my face. "And maybe you'll never fully heal, but that scar can be your reminder; that you're a fighter, and you're worth something. Worth everything."

"Thank you," I said, hoping those two words could convey everything I couldn't say aloud, but she seemed to understand, taking my hand and grasping it tight in her own.

"What happened after I left?" I asked once my tears had dried. I'd have to reapply my makeup all over again and probably perform a few charms to fix my blotchy cheeks and bloodshot eyes, but other than that I felt fine; not better, but like I could begin to put one foot in front of the other again.

Lily grimaced. "Chaos. Everyone was terribly angry – I thought Remus was going to punch Sirius, but Dorcas got there first."

I had to grin a little at that; Dorcas and I may have our differences and petty squabbles, but when push came to shove, I knew she would always have my back.

"James was livid," she went on. "He practically dragged Sirius out of the Hall before any of the teachers could come near, and he had to tell Peter to keep Remus away from him for the time being. That was about when I left."

I sat for a minute, thinking over all she had just told me. The girls were loyal to a fault, obviously, but it was hard to imagine Lupin being so angry. He'd never been the aggressive type, but he must've grown a spine since last I was friends with him. Speaking of friends…

Whatever truce with Lupin had to be off after this. Black and I would never be able to stand each other, and I didn't fancy being caught in the middle of another situation that involved people choosing sides. It was just too complicated.

"Are you up for class?" Evans asked. "We have about ten minutes before morning lessons start if you want to freshen up a bit." She hesitated before adding, "I can walk with you if you want."

I glanced at her, startled.

"You know, Evans," I said. "That's not too shabby of an idea."

She flushed a little, but stood up and offered her hand. I eyed it for a moment, vaguely wondering at how my life had gotten to this point – I mean, Lily Evans was offering me her hand. How crazy was that? – before grabbing onto her wrist and hauling myself to my feet.

Maybe I'd lost my truce with Lupin. Maybe I'd be broken for a while. But walking arm-in-arm with Lily Evans, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I'd found myself a new truce, and perhaps I could begin to heal. I could be untouchable.

I wrote this chapter back in 2016, and I honestly debated keeping it in while I worked on re-uploading the story. I ultimately kept it in because shying away from it felt like shying away from reality as well, and I don't want that. I do, however, want to emphasize that while Piper's situation will be present in the story going forward, it will not be dramatized or romanticized just for the sake of it. I believe you can be realistic without crossing the line into glorification, and I will strive not to cross that line. Piper and her story mean so much to me on a personal level and I will continue to do my best in writing her. If you have any comments or concerns, my PM box is open again. Please feel free to reach out and talk if you'd like. Otherwise, thank you and I hope you will still be here for Piper and cheering her on with every step.

Thank you.