Chapter 3

My fist crashed into my opponent's head one last time, knocking it into the ground with a crack. She stopped moving this time, laying there motionless. This was the fourth time I'd done this. I looked up towards the window that the scientist's always observed us from, waiting for the man's reaction. He nodded his head and I stood up from the boy. I turned my back to him and walked out of the room and back towards my own, accompanied by my faithful companions.

I washed my hands robotically as soon as I could before sitting down in my bed, unable to do anything else.

Funnily enough, I never lost these fights now, not even close, if I fought back. I had been in so many more fights than my opponents and my pain tolerance far outweighed theirs. It was a powerful combination and left me unchallenged in my fights.

Each fight made me sick. My stomach turned and twisted in me with guilt, I couldn't bear to watch the children anymore, I choked up each time I did. I tried reading my books, but that didn't work either. The protagonists in them seemed so … kind. They would never do what I have, but I was weak. I couldn't handle the punishment, couldn't do it again. So, I would fight. I would fight and I would win.

And I would tremble each time I laid down on my bed, my arms wrapped around me as I stared up at the ceiling.

I lay on my front on my bed. Restrained as I recovered from yesterday's surgery. It seems like the end of my latest torment resurrected the first one. The procedures I had been going through before the fighting started had resumed. During my string of losses, I only had a few done. It seems like they were saving them all for now, as I seemingly had one every week. Or maybe it was because I wouldn't recover when I was still recovering from my losses? Regardless, they had resumed.

Yesterday's surgery was the most extreme one they've ever done. I wasn't even kept conscious for it, and I now laid restrained on a different bed to normal, in a different room. I was still alone though. They did something to my neck, it ached fiercely but I couldn't tell what they did, the area still largely numb. I'm rather grateful for that considering how intense even the lessened sensation was.

These experiments must be doing something though, considering how my tests have been going lately.

"You are to strike all three targets at once, Subject Zero." Of course, like I've done that before. It's not like the targets are as far as I've ever hit, or that I've never hit more than one target at once. This isn't going to end well.

Taking a deep breath as I closed my eyes, I set my feet shoulder width apart as I breathed out and opened my eyes. Tensing my core, I pulled on the trigger in my head and expelled the energy around me. Pulling it towards my hand, I concentrated on the sensation. I needed to spread out the blast into a wider arc. The easiest way to do so is to probably condense more energy into it. I hadn't done that in a while, the tests focusing more on volume of blasts rather than force.

Gathering energy into my arm until it practically vibrated, I paused for a second before launching my hand forward. Grunting as I released the blast of biotic energy. The attack flew forward rapidly, pushing my hand back a bit with the recoil as it flew forwards. The closer it got to the targets, the larger it grew, expanding into a larger and larger ball. Even as it did, the blast didn't dissipate. It roared through the air until it hit the targets, exploding in a concussive wave of force and a loud bang. This brought me some hope, as the sound was no quieter than it normally was, it was louder in fact.

When the dust settled, I gazed upon the targets downrange at the other side of the room. All three of them had been obliterated, their remains littering the floor and the wall. The wall showed some damage as well! It had never done that before but there was now a faint circular scar on the wall, cracks, and scorch marks inside of it.

What?! I'd never damaged the wall before, even when I missed the targets and hit it directly. I know my abilities have been growing stronger, but I didn't think it was this much!

I waited where I stood, gazing at the damage I had wrought, but nothing was said to me. Taking the risk, I glanced at the scientists behind the window. They were all conversing amongst themselves, their heads buried in their devices and facing each other having discussions. That's not normal. After a minute, one of them glanced over at me and realised I was still standing there, staring at them. He spoke into the microphone.

"You may leave, Subject Zero." Well alright then. Shrugging, I put it out of my mind and returned to my room. I haven't received any new novels in a while and didn't feel like re-reading them for the umpteenth time, so I took my usual seat by the window, watching the other children on the other side.

I had tried talking to them at one point, even risked raising my voice for a short time but I was still ignored. I didn't bother after that, instead just watching them. How they interacted with each other, the varying expressions they showed. It induced an odd feeling in me and hypnotised my gaze. I almost couldn't resist watching them, seeing how they acted, what they did. It was the only time I saw such expressions.

Whenever I stood across from them in the coliseum, they only ever had three expressions. Scared, angry, or hurting. I didn't see the second one much these days. Not that it mattered, the fights almost blurred together, each face overlapping the last. They always acted the same, ended up the same in the end. It had been a year now, a year of me fighting back and I couldn't even tell you if I had fought some of them more than once. Well, except for the laughing boy. I seemed to fight him regularly, and I am only a little ashamed of the joy I took in those fights. That was the only time I looked forward to them, the rest were painfully boring. The results never changed, I always won. Some of them didn't even fight back anymore, the first time that happened was a shock. I was the aggressor that day, it felt different. That wasn't a boring fight. Wasn't a happy one either, but I still finished it like I do the rest.

I had a fight the next day, which wasn't too unusual. I wasn't healing from anything right now. I stood across from someone I didn't recognise, which was unusual. I wasn't sure if I faced the same person twice, but there faces all looked familiar, so I probably did. This face wasn't sparking any such feelings of familiarity.

"Today you face subject 213, Subject Zero. Things will be a little different this time. You will both be using biotics." The man informed us from behind his protective screen. What? This was setting off some warning bells in my head. The last time something changed, it hadn't worked out for me.

"This fight is also to the death. Only one of you will be leaving the ring." No! Why? I don't want to do that. I can justify beating the other kids up, they were happy to do it to me and it's only temporary. Death … death is not temporary. It's final. Why does that feel false? I refuse! Punish me all you want. I'm not killing one of the other children. That's a line I refuse to cross.

Apparently, I'm the only one with such hold ups.

The girl across from me began charging up, the blue energy swirling around her before engulfing her form in a slight tinted outline. What even is that? While I was thinking, she took a different stance and condensed her aura over her arm, launching a ball of biotic might at me. Dodge!

I leaped to my right, rolling over the hard ground in my effort to avoid the attack. It was a good thing I did as the ball exploded with great force upon contact with the ground I had been standing on, pushing me slightly off balance even from a distance. I also felt the sting of some debris hitting my skin, that attack could have killed me!

What do I do? She seems so willing to launch attacks at me, the girl standing across from me. She stood there, her brow furrowed, as her aura condensed once more, but this time she was condensing her biotics into both hands, into both blasts. I'm not sure I can dodge this time. What do I do? I can't run, they won't let me. Can I interrupt her? She is taking a while to condense the blasts. What can I use, I need something to throw at her, I won't be able to reach her before she finishes charging.

I look around me desperately, but the floor is free of debris. Wait … Debris! Her blast from earlier. Making a split-second decision, I run towards the impact sight, it's my only chance. Keeping an eye on the girl, she looked nearly done, I reached the impact zone. Darting my eyes around, I search as quickly as I can. There's plenty of small stones, but I need something bigger. There's nothing big enough. What about exactly where the blast hit. Yes! There's a lose stone. Leaning down, I wrap my hand around the edges and spin around to face my opponent once again.

Her attack is just about ready, I have no time to waste aiming so while praying internally, I pull my arm back and then throw the rock at her, stepping forward. It leaves my hand at a decent pace, one I can only hope hits her as I've never had to do this before. I gaze at the stone intently, keeping track of its exact location. I have no other chance, there's no time. It gets closer and closer to the girl, who – Oh no! My stomach sinks.

She's launching her attacks. I wasn't quick enough. Because I wasn't ruthless enough. Even though her earlier attack was powerful, I know it had nothing on what I can do. She only damaged the floor slightly while I can destroy metal targets, it's a world of difference. Still, I continue to watch the coming disaster, refusing to look away.

My projectile reaches her just as she screams, releasing her attack. Simultaneously, I see her eyes widen as my rock impacts her face, making her flinch, and the blue bolts leaving her hands. Her head jerks back, but aside from that the rock has no effect, crumbling against her face where the soft aura around her flickers. What is that? I know I should be worrying about the attacks, but there's no point. I stand there in a daze even as they grow closer, refusing to flinch even as the electric blue begins to dominate my eyes. I tense, preparing for the coming pain, but instead of the concussive force striking me I feel their strange heat as they bypass me, continuing to travel onwards.

She missed! Maybe my attack did do something. Just what is that technique and why don't I know it? They want me to fight don't they? It would certainly improve … my … chances. They did it on purpose. Why? I can't be sure. Come to think of it, did they even teach me how to use my current blasts? It came almost instinctually to me. All they do is constantly test my biotic strength, is that what they care about? It is, isn't it. It's the only thing that makes sense. It's why they're experimenting on me. I'm a Guinea pig. I grit my teeth at the thought, but it's something to worry about later.

I hear the explosion behind me, feeling the heat and pressure washing over my back but I don't turn around, focusing my eyes on the girl. Her chest is rising rapidly, and her mouth hung open, that attack took a lot out of her. Her eyes were also wide open, staring at me. Was she surprised as well? Regardless, this is my chance.

I explode off the ground, sprinting at her. I run as fast as I can, swinging my arms and pumping my arms, even as her expression firmed. She started to channel again, but she didn't have the time. I leaped forward as soon as I was close enough, tackling her to the ground. The impact hurt my chest, feeling like I impacted a wall, but I pushed through, ignoring the urge to stop. The girl screamed as we hit the ground, her head impacting first even as I began to punch her. I screamed with the first punch, my knuckles splitting open unexpectedly. Whatever this barrier around her did, it made her harder than she should be. It felt like I was punching a wall, but I saw her wince at the impact. That gave me hope. Hope that I could win this.

I threw my other fist at her face, cracking it back into the ground. This punch hurt my knuckles just as much as the other did, but I didn't relent. Blow after blow, I pummelled her against the ground. I didn't stop when my knuckles screamed at me, when my chest heaved for breath and my arms ached. I only stopped after her barrier faded, and I gave her one final blow to her face with all the strength I could. It landed with a soft crack, and I'm not sure if it was from my hand or her face, or both. My hands throbbed immensely, pounding in time with the heart throbbing in my ears.

This final blow left her with her head lolling, her eyes closed. Seeing this, I relaxed, dropping my fists as I sat there, gasping for breath. Standing up shakily, I walked a few steps away and looked at the scientist in charge of the match. He didn't say anything, and I stood there for a moment before I heard a grunt and a rustle behind me. She was still up! Whirling back around, I came across a glowing blue fist to the face. This snapped my head back, spittle flying out as I fell back to the ground, skidding back even after my head hit the ground. I saw stars even as my cheek burned. Something trickled down that side of my face, either sweat or blood I'm not sure.

I tried to stand up, but the world swam before me, leaving me sprawled out on the ground. The girl walked over to me, stumbling even as she charged up an attack. I gazed into her eyes, the triumph clear even as she raised her hand for the final time. I refused to close my eyes, to look away even at the end. The sudden jolt to my system that was the guard's shock was a surprise.

I'm not sure if I was a relief though.

They took me back to my room after the match, the first time in a while that it wasn't under my own power. They left me beaten and bloody, laying on my bed. I lost the fight. I hadn't lost in at least … a year. Why …, why did they allow biotics? I have no way of non-lethally subduing anyone using them. All I've ever done is create more. More power, more blasts, just more.

I don't want to kill them, to kill anyone. That's all I've ever wanted. Why can't they see that? See how much I resisted the idea, how I despised it. Why do they still push for it, even more than a year after I refused the idea. I managed to make a compromise in the fights, to beat them using my fists. While I wasn't happy with my actions, I could be content with them. They've taken that away from me now.

"I don't think I can win anymore." I whisper. Just saying it out loud makes it feel so much more … real. As if I could ignore them before I uttered the words to the world. Sure, I can dodge biotic blasts, even if it's risky and far too close for comfort. Even ignoring how long my luck can hold in that regard, there's still the matter of the strange shield covering my opponent. I managed to get through it today, but she exhausted her abilities before I even started. She also didn't seem particularly strong, three weak blasts having exhausted her. I could do that years ago and even if I'm stronger than the others, I seriously doubt she's the strongest among them.

Raising my hands up, I look at them, turning them over, back, and forth. They were throbbing, painful, especially my right hand. My knuckles were raw, the skin split on most of them, and dried blood surrounded them. I slowly opened and closed my hands, even that small movement making me wince. I didn't even bother touching my head, the burning sensation still present and the entire side of my face felt sticky. I'd rather not know.

I can't win like this anymore. I can't win with my fists. I clench them, ignoring the pain. I don't want to die, not after all I've been through. Even now, they haven't taken that away from me, my desire to live still stands strong.

I don't want to kill the others though. They don't deserve that. Yes, they've hurt me, but it's not their fault. I'm just coming to realise that just like the scientists convinced me to fight, they convinced them too. I doubt it took as much convincing for them as it did me, but I can ultimately lay the blame at the feet of the adults around us. The kids don't know any better.

Are these my only options then? Kill, or be killed? I sit down against the wall, sliding down until I contact the ground, wrapping my arms around my legs. My stomach twisted at the thought, and swallowing becomes difficult. I'm not sure which option makes me feel worse, killing one of the other children, or becoming another casualty of the scientist's cruelty. None of the books I've read go into depth with death, it's always treated as a distant concept, something intangible, far off. Yet for me, it's a very real possibility. Though when I think of it, I get the faintest hint of a memory. At first there's pain but after? After there was peace.

That sounds nice if it's true. Some peace and quiet would be good. But I would still rather not. It feels so …, final. I want to live first. Can I really do nothing else? I can't fight with my fists, I can't run away. Can't talk my opponent down, convince them to stop fighting. All I'm left with is my biotics. It would be so much easier if I could control them, but for so long I've been struggling to increase my force, my power, my duration. I don't know how to hold back. I can't train to either, they only let me use full force when testing my abilities. Likely to see how potent their 'experiment' is. I also can't train in my room, it's too small to even if the guards let me. I can't use my blasts but, there's something else I can do. Something I never though was possible before. Before it was used against me.

If I can learn to use whatever … subject 211? … did, I have a chance. I've never done it before, and I don't know how long I have, to learn the ability, but it's the best chance I've got. The only chance. And I'm going to throw myself at it with all I can. If they refuse to teach me new abilities? I'll just learn them myself.

Aside from being sore, I'm not actually that tired. I haven't used my biotics today, and I don't need my energy for healing like I normally do after a fight. That means I can start training now. Looking up, I look towards the entrance to my room. I need to remain unseen while doing this, I doubt they'll just let me practice my abilities like this if they knew about it.

Where can I do this without being seen, behind my desk? No. It's not big enough. My bed's too visible as well, too close to the door. Standing up, I walk around the room, checking wherever I can. I can't move anything around, they would just arouse suspicions as well. That leaves me with how the furniture is currently positioned.

Having checked every single spot in my room. The best position I can see is behind my chair. The window is almost in another room, hidden in an alcove to the rest of my room. The only risk of being seen is the window directly in front of it, but if I remain on the floor I should be fine. I have no better options so I may as well risk it.

Taking a seat with my back against the chair, I close my eyes and think. Look over my memories of today's fight. How did she make the shield? She made some weird movements with her arms, but she did that for her attacks as well and I've never needed them. Probably unimportant then. Alright, what else? She first swirled her biotics around her in the normal aura, that's the first step. The second was condensing the shield all around her, that's the tricky bit. She also sustained it, how did she do that? I've never sustained something before. I have at least an idea about the condensing, considering how I charge up my blasts, but what about the sustaining part. Do I just have to constantly maintain the shield around me? I'm starting to have doubts about this.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and just hold it for a moment. I should at least try. Triggering the muscles in my head, I open my eyes while using as little of the energy as I can, which is still a lot. I'm used to condensing around my arm, let's start there. Focusing down on it, I concentrate on pulling the energy there, but around the arm instead of all into one spot. It's spotty, and flickering, but my arm does seem to be coated by my biotics. It's difficult to maintain this, but I persevere. I keep the shield up for a minute, but it gets more challenging the longer I hold it. Even with all my focus, the effect falls apart after a minute, dissipating into the ether. Alright, that was my first try, let's try again.

I achieve a similar effect, but I quickly hit my other hand against the shielded area. It isn't much, but it feels a little harder than normal. My heart soars! I can't help the smile on my face, and I lose some of the tension in my shoulders at the success. I have a chance, and that's all I need.

It's been a week since the first fight, and once again I find myself standing across from an opponent, a different one today.

I wasn't tested this week, and they performed no experiments on me. I'm grateful for that, I needed all the time I could get to prepare. I would like to say I managed to learn the technique with the time I was given, but I didn't.

I tried, tried so hard to, but I couldn't. I've never used biotics on my body before, not like this. It was too different to what I normally did, and more importantly too difficult. The more of my body I covered in the glowing shield the harder it was. My best attempt rendered half my body glowing, but it took all my concentration to maintain it even when sitting there. I needed to be able to fight using the ability, and I couldn't do that covering my body.

The one thing I did have experience with though, was using biotics with my hands. That proved beneficial as I was able to coat both forearms completely, and it wasn't too difficult to maintain. I couldn't do it for long, what with the seeming increase in difficulty the longer I held it, but I could form the barriers quickly. That's what I spent the last two days on, quick formation. I deemed it more important after giving up on coverage. I hope it's enough. I'm still vulnerable to the biotic blasts, that hasn't changed, but I've tested my fists while shielded. They punched much harder than normal and doing so hurt far less. The barrier didn't completely stop impacts, as evidenced by the rock I launched even doing something, but they reduced it. Now that I had managed to cover my hands, it was back to my old faithful. Beating my opponents to a pulp with my bare hands. I will say that all of the practice helped me sleep through my punishment though, leaving me less sleep deprived then they would normally make me.

I was still worried about the blasts, but I could try to deflect them using my hands. I didn't have the highest of hopes, but in all honestly our projectiles didn't travel that fast. Even the rock I threw at the girl was faster. That being said, it's a last resort.

I was standing still, paying very close attention to the scientist standing above us. I needed to do this quickly, before the boy across from me could launch an attack. I couldn't give him the time. I stood there, taking slow and deep breaths, as I listened for the command to start.

"You face subject 187 today." That was it!

I launched myself from my starting position, racing towards the boy across from me. While I did so, I paid half a mind to sheathing my hands in the barrier I had been practicing all week. My opponent started by first shielding himself in the biotic barrier I had seen last week, giving me the time to reach him. My aura flowed around me as I raised my fist, condensing around my hands the instant before it struck the unprepared boy. He had left himself open, thinking it wouldn't hurt him. Oh, how wrong he was.

The impact echoed through the air, a soft crack heralding the impact between the two shields. That, or the fact his cracked when I hit it. I hit him in the stomach with my empowered fist, and the barrier covering it dissipated with my first blow, my second hit him in the same spot, but this time he wasn't shielded.

The boy folded over my arm, gasping for air, having lost his breath. I didn't give him the chance to recover as I immediately punched him in the head with my right hand, this impact sent him reeling and the barrier around him fully dissipated as he collapsed to the ground, gasping and groaning. I kept my eyes on him, watching for any signs of him getting up but he just remained there, moaning and gasping.

I stood there, waiting for a signal that the match was over, but it never came. What's going on? I took my eyes off the boy, deeming it safe enough, and looked towards the person overseeing the match. He was standing there, just staring at me. I met his gaze, letting my barriers dissipate, and we stood there for a minute, nothing being said before he finally responded to my unasked question.

"I believe you were informed that only one was meant to leave this fight. You were given a pass last week, but not this time. Finish him." The man ordered.

Snapping my eyes between the scientist and the beaten boy my eyes widened. I forgot that bit. In my haste to win, I forgot what it meant. That this was a fight to the death. The stakes it held. I still don't want to die, but I'm not a killer. Not like they want me to be. Stepping away from the boy, I turn fully to the scientist.

"No." I glare with all the hate I can muster. This angered the man.

"Finish him!" he shouted. I stood my ground, doing nothing. The man raised his hand to the tool on his arm, and suddenly there was movement from the guard closest to me. He raised his own tool and launched the shock at me. I grit my teeth, kneeling, but that was it. I made no sound, revealing no hint of the pain I was in. I doubt I'll ever be capable of remaining standing, my very muscles rebelling at the onslaught of electricity, but I've grown used to the sensation. To the sharp burn, the shaking muscles.

The shock was held for a while, but my head remained high even while my muscles trembled. I didn't move when it finished, doubting my chances of getting up.

"Finish him!" the scientist shouted again. I just glared at him again. "Fine!" he snarled, pressing something else. Another guard moved, raising his arm. I tensed in preparation, but I wasn't the target. He hit the boy laying across from me who instantly regained his senses, only to begin screaming and convulsing on the ground. His screams rattled through my head, every second passing more weight on my head. At least the beginning of my own treatment helped relieve the guilt. I had my own problems.

I started gasping as soon as the guard let up, having to lean forwards onto my arms to prevent collapsing to the ground. They shook with effort, various twinges and twitches hindering my efforts. I groaned through my teeth this time, it lasted too long for me to resist.

Shaking my head, I looked up at the scientist who was staring down at me.

"Finish him." He ordered a final time.

"I .. won't … kill … him!" I panted out, still regaining my breath, but I think he got the point. He snarled once more, before a sneer overtook his features, his contempt for me obvious.

"You think you're being the hero here, saving his life. That what you want matters. It doesn't. Guards! Terminate him."

"No!" I screamed.

I tried to get up, to do something, but before I could one of the guards raised his Omni-tool and pressed a button. Instead of the normal blast of electricity, fire came out. A great blast of red death, heading straight towards the defenceless boy. I tried to jump up, to move him out of the way, but my legs refused to cooperate with me. I fell to the ground in a heap, useless as I watched the blast consume him, horrified. He screamed for a moment, the sound haunting, but not as much as when he stopped.

I laid there, staring at the blackened corpse, uncomprehending of the sight before me.

"Like I said, only one of you leaves the fight. You were clearly the winner, so here's your prize." The man chuckled after his words, walking away from the window.

I wished so much to stay alive, but not like this. I didn't want him to die. I just hope one of us found peace.

It wasn't me though.