A/N: Thanks for your continued support of this series - I know we're in the rough times at the moment, and I appreciate everyone sticking with it! Keep the feedback coming!

This chapter was trickier to write at times, which made adenei's beta work all the more valuable!

Ron and Hermione haven't really seen each other or talked in a while…let's change that :)

Chapter 15: "Am I blind, Ron?"

Hands jittering on the desk in front of him, Ron accepted the papers as they were distributed to him by Dr. Sprout. The lecture hall was full of nervous students who were minutes away from starting their biology final, and Ron was no exception. Even though he felt quite prepared, he still didn't want to stumble so close to the finish line. He'd put in so much work throughout the semester, and he was really hoping for a grade that he could be proud of.

Not only for himself but also for the sake of his tutor. The one who'd helped him all year, pushing him when he was feeling lazy or uninspired. The one who made him realize that maybe he did have an interest in the sciences. The one he'd so rudely informed that he wanted nothing to do with.

It had only been two days since he'd sent the text message that functionally ended his relationship with Hermione, and guilt had been nearly suffocating him ever since. When she passed him in front of the library the night before, he couldn't even man up enough to talk to her, instead hiding behind the shield of his friends. Harry had picked up on his cowardice and called him out for being a chickenshit, and there was nothing he could say to refute it. He had fucked up and handled things poorly, plain and simple, and the damage was probably irreversible.

Not that he didn't still feel as though it was for the best. The prospect of falling in love with someone with such a complex medical past and cloudy, unsettled future was terrifying to him. He knew that if they'd kept going in the direction they'd been going, he'd have a hard time dealing with any future heart-related complications.

But two days later, he could tell that the giant hole in his life, a hole of his own making, was only going to keep expanding. He missed her so much, which was stupid because they were only supposed to see each other once for a couple hours during that time. It's not as though they spent every minute together. Why was it so hard to move on from someone he only saw occasionally?

The answer was obvious, even though he didn't want to let himself admit it. He felt happier and more alive during the one hour per week he was with her than the hundred and sixty-seven he wasn't. Winning at trivia night with her by his side was better than every Ultimate Frisbee team victory put together. But as soon as he'd hit that high, that feeling of near-invincibility, he crashed back down to earth courtesy of a sobering conversation with his roommates and his subsequent destructive curiosity.

Fucking Harry. He could've just kept his mouth shut.

Ron glanced around, scouring the room for any sign of her. None of the other TAs were present, so he didn't know why he expected she would be. Professor Sprout was probably making sure they had plenty of time to study for their finals, too. Still, he couldn't help but be disappointed that she wasn't there. His own shame aside, it still would've been nice to see her. Even if she was furious with him.

"Alright, everyone should have their exam, yes?" Professor Sprout asked. When nobody spoke up, she continued. "As a reminder, you'll have ninety minutes to complete the final. If you have questions, please come and ask me. Good luck, your time starts now."

As soon as Ron opened the test booklet, the answers started coming to him. Everything he'd learned, everything Hermione had taught him, was coming back to him as he plowed through the questions. Each problem was easier and more obvious than the last, and by the time forty-five minutes had passed, he'd completed the entire exam, convinced again that a perfect grade was a possibility. After taking a few minutes to check back through his answers, he stood up, retrieved his backpack, and descended past the throng of students still scribbling away. He deposited his exam on the desk, sending a warm smile toward his professor. She returned it with a small nod.

That was that. Biology was over, and he'd never have to take it again if he didn't want to. But as he exited the room and headed out into the warm spring afternoon, he thought about how another science course wouldn't be so bad. Hermione had said he had an aptitude for the work. Maybe she was right. By the end of the semester, he'd actually started to enjoy learning the material.

Although he'd probably be lost without her help. There was no way she'd agree to help him after what he'd done. And truthfully, he knew he didn't deserve it.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he thumbed through his texts until he found her name. As he'd found himself doing multiple times over the last couple of days, he scrolled through the messages she'd sent him, his chest pinching and constricting as he reread all of the reminders of the good times they'd had together. The urge to text her about his exam grew stronger as his memory continued to paint vivid pictures of their previous encounters, but he knew it would be poorly received.

Why did I have to be such an asshole to her? She was one of the best people I'd ever met. Would a relationship really be so difficult? So what if she has more health problems? Wouldn't it be worth it to juggle all of that if it meant getting to be with her?

As soon as the optimistic thoughts entered his mind, though, the dark and morbid questions returned as well. What would it be like to sit at her bedside in the hospital, knowing there was nothing he could do to help her? Could he stand by and watch as the doctors told her they were out of options? The dichotomy was absolutely infuriating, and Ron tried to force down the wave of nausea that threatened to crest into his mouth.

It was all a moot point, of course. Hermione was no more likely to accept his apology than he was to follow her to medical school. But…maybe he could try? He'd discovered in the past forty-eight hours that living with their relationship in limbo was untenable, and he had to do something to try to straighten things out once and for all. Perhaps he could explain his anxieties and apologize, and they'd be able to find a way to salvage a friendship. Or she might throw a drink in his face, tell him that she never wanted to see him again, and storm off. Either way, it would be better than the feeling of incompleteness that swirled around his head at the moment. At least there would be closure.

"So, what do you want to focus on?" Ron asked as he and Harry entered the library the following afternoon.

"I mostly want to make sure I have my formulas down pat," Harry replied. "But vectors and Newtonian mechanics are probably my biggest trouble spots."

"Sure, we can do that. Physics is pretty straightforward once you understand the basic underlying principles and the equations."

Harry rolled his eyes at his friend. "I'm so glad you think so, and I appreciate you coming down to the level of us mere mortals."

"It's what friends do!"

The physics final was scheduled for the following morning, and Ron and Harry were getting in one last study session before the big day. Even though he used to hate studying at the library, Ron had taken a liking to the place throughout the semester. So they climbed the stairs toward the study room he used to share each Wednesday night with Hermione, eager to get started so that they could be done as soon as possible.

"I say we study for about three or four hours then go get some tacos. What do you think?" Harry asked.

Ron turned to face him as they approached room 2-713, nodding his agreement. "Sure, that sounds great."

As he reached for the doorknob, though, he saw Harry's face drop out of the corner of his eye. He should've realized that there was only one person that could prompt that type of reaction from his best friend, but before he discovered his mistake, he swung the door inward and stepped into the room.

Hermione was sitting at the table, red pen in hand with a stack of familiar-looking exams in front of her. Her eyes were narrow slits as she glared back at him and took a calm, deep breath.

"This room is reserved," she stated, her voice devoid of emotion.

"Oh, sorry about that," Ron answered with a nervous chuckle. "Umm, force…you know, force of habit, I guess."

"Mmm."

As Harry started slowly creeping away from the room, Ron decided that he may not have a better opportunity to talk with Hermione and try to explain things. Even though he didn't have any semblance of a plan, he offered her a small smile and started talking.

"So, I was hoping I'd run into you…uhh, how are you?"

After staring him down for a few seconds, Hermione closed the exam booklet she was grading and shoved her chair backward until it crashed into the wall. She didn't say a word as she started to pack up her bag, interrupted only by the sound of her phone alarm. When the exams were safely stowed, she pulled out her pill container and tossed a few into her mouth before swallowing them with a sip of water. "Just take the room."

Her shoulder slammed into his as she pushed past his lanky frame, coming to a halt a few steps down the hallway. She turned back to him, reached into her bag, and pulled out one exam in particular. The pages flapped open as she tossed it, landing a foot away from him on the ground.

"You aced it," she said before continuing toward the staircase. "Congrats."

Torn between following her and giving her space, he bent down to pick up the test papers. A large '100' was splashed across the front page, and it was underlined three times.

Ugh, God. I've fucked this up so badly.

"You okay?" Harry asked as he took a tentative step back toward his roommate.

As much as he tried not to, Ron couldn't stop watching her as she left, his head spinning faster and faster with each of her strides. "Umm, yeah, I guess. Yeah, it's cool, let's just study."

"Okay. Let me know if you need to…I don't know, take a break or something."

"I'm fine, don't worry," Ron replied, doing his best to keep a brave, good-natured grin on his face. "Besides, we've got a final tomorrow. We should get to work."

Harry didn't seem convinced, but nevertheless, they slid into the study room and started setting up their things. As Ron took out his laptop and book, though, he noticed a small green pill sitting on the table. It was one of Hermione's, he was sure of it. And if he remembered her medication schedule correctly, she was supposed to take it at that time.

"Shit, Hermione must've left this," he explained to Harry, picking up the tablet between his fingers. "It's her Bumetanide. The alarm that just went off on her phone was reminding her to take it. It probably slipped out of her hand. I need to go give this to her, she'll feel like shit if she doesn't take it."

"Ron," Harry said, grabbing his roommate's elbow before he could dash out of the room. "Are you sure about this?"

Ron released a sigh. Of course he wasn't sure, she'd probably scream at him. But he still cared about her enough to make sure she stayed healthy. It was worth any additional nasty looks or pointed comments. "Yeah, she needs it. I'll be right back."

Pulling the study room door shut behind him, he hurried down the stairs toward the front exit, hoping he could catch her before she got too far. As soon as he popped out into the blinding sun, he saw her walking through the quad toward her house.

"Hermione! Hey, Hermione!" he called, racing after her.

Her shoulders dropped, and she stopped in her tracks and spun around toward him. Her jaw was set and her lips were pulled into a thin line as she waited for him to catch up to her.

"Umm, you forgot this," he said, holding up the green pill.

Showing no signs of appreciation, she snatched the medication from him, slipped it into her mouth, and swallowed it dry. Her eyes continued to bore into him as he shuffled his feet, digging through his mind to try to come up with something to say.

"So…how, umm, how are your finals going?" he finally posed, instantly sure that he'd said the wrong thing.

Her eyes clenched tightly together as she inhaled deeply, blowing the air out between pursed lips before lifting her eyelids and meeting his gaze again. "Am I blind, Ron?"

Wait, what's happening?

"Uhh, excuse me?"

"Blind. Am I blind? It's a fairly straightforward question."

"Not…you know, not to my knowledge."

She scoffed at him, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "You're sure?"

"Pretty sure, yeah," he answered with an uncomfortable gulp.

"That's good to hear. I was worried for a second."

Whatever she was getting at, it couldn't be good. Ron felt his heart hammering faster and faster inside his chest, knowing that there was practically no chance that the upcoming conversation would be pleasant for him. One thing made sense to him, though; it didn't make sense to beat around the bush with whatever game she was playing. Might as well rip off the bandaid.

"Hermione, maybe I–"

"You see, I was getting worried that I had actually gone blind," she interrupted, raising her voice to drown him out. "I know that I'm not dumb. I'm actually quite smart, as you know. So I was left with no other logical conclusion but to assume I'd gone blind."

"Look, maybe we can talk somewhere…would you be willing–"

Once again, she paid him no mind. "Because I thought I saw something…something…kind of special, actually. Something beautiful. Something that I'd never seen or experienced before. It was…new and exciting and a little bit scary, but I knew that even though it made me nervous, the last thing I wanted was for it to disappear."

Was this some kind of test? Was he supposed to be admitting something? Did she want him to profess his love right in the middle of campus? His indecision was crippling, and when he finally spoke, he intentionally kept his answers vague and milquetoast. "I mean, that sounds…yeah, kinda nice, I guess."

He immediately knew he'd said the wrong thing when her eyes widened and started filling with tears. Glancing away from him, she wiped her face with her sleeve, trying and failing to stop sniffling as she crossed her arms over her chest and pulled on the edges of her cardigan.

"Ron, are you interested in me?"

Oh, fuck, what now? Who just comes out with it like that? Of course I'm interested, but…well, it's complicated, right?

"Umm, I mean…look, it was kind of…like, I guess I was…"

As soon as the words left his mouth, she let out a piercing cry and tears started cascading down her cheeks.

"Am! I am!" he corrected himself, even though it was definitely too late. "I like you a lot, Hermione."

Passing students started to take notice of their conversation as Hermione's sobs continued with a loud, steady cadence. Ron even caught one or two pulling out their cell phones and aiming them at him. Good to know he'd be going viral for being a prick.

Hermione's voice continued to rise in volume, undeterred by the growing mass of spectators. "So, what was it? Another girl? Look, I'm a nerd, Ron, and I have been my whole life. When you're a nerd, you get used to it. There's always another girl."

"No! No, not at all!" he begged, taking a step closer to her. "That's not it at all, I promise! I haven't hooked up with anyone since I met you. Ask Harry, he'll tell you!"

"Oh, good for you, Ron. You kept it in your pants for a change!" she shouted with a sarcastic grin as she threw her hands in the air. "And no, I'm not going to ask Harry! God, why can't you just tell me what's going on? Why did everything have to fall apart all of a sudden? What did I do to you?"

"Hermione, come on, you know it's not like that. And you didn't do anything! It's just…"

"Just what?" she cried as she took a menacing step toward him. "Just that you changed your mind?"

"I didn't…I mean, it's not like that."

"Does it irritate you that I study a lot? That I'm smart and have ambition? Were you getting too much crap from your roommates for having a crush on a dorky biology major?"

God, what do I do? What can I say? I have to say something, but I can't tell her that I'm worried about the future we may not be able to have together! What the fuck do I say?

He tried to keep his tone calm and reasonable as he continued. "No, of course not. I love that you do so well at school and have big goals for yourself. It's admirable. And those guys can say whatever they want, I don't give a shit, honestly."

Hermione's tears were drying and she no longer had the wobble to her voice when she spoke. After one more little sniffle, she exhaled and glared back at him, her cheeks still splotchy and her eyelids puffy. "Ahh. I see."

"See what? There's nothing to–"

"This is all because I'm sick, isn't it?"

Why couldn't he just admit it? Maybe she wouldn't even be that upset! But to admit to a girl that he was thinking about some vague future life with her? It was just too much, even if Hermione was a rather future-oriented person. He couldn't bear to put that much of himself on display, especially in such a public place.

"I mean," he said, trying to maintain a straight face. "Come on, don't be –that doesn't bother me at all."

"Believe it or not, Ron, I think of all the excuses you could have for ignoring me out of the blue, that may be the kindest. At least it doesn't reflect anything I have any control over, right?"

A gasp went up from the crowd that had formed several feet around them in either direction. Many students tutted or wagged their fingers at him, clearly blaming him for the entire thing. Knowing that half of campus was watching him get ripped apart also didn't help his rapidly diminishing supply of confidence.

"Hermione, like…it's not always about your health…"

"I never said it was always about my health. But then what, Ron? Why did you just ditch me like that?" she insisted, her eyes narrowing as she angrily wiped her tears.

"I didn't..ditch you, I just couldn't–"

"Oh, stop. Just stop, please! One minute things were fine…better than fine, actually. And it couldn't have just been me. It just couldn't have. But then all of a sudden you're breaking plans and ignoring me to my face and treating me like…like you don't even know me! Can you just tell me why?"

Maybe I should say something. I have no good reason and I look like an asshole.

Despite trying to pluck up his courage, though, he chickened out once again. "I'm just busy right now. It's finals, and you of all people know how important it is to do well on finals! I wanted to make sure I had enough time to study."

Her lips pinched together as her posture tensed, and she was practically vibrating as she started in on him again. "Ron, we were going to go study! Stop gaslighting me! Even now you can't tell me the real reason?"

Just tell her; anything's better than this.

"But only after the appointment, and you know how doctors are. Who knows how long that would've taken? Plus I'd told Harry I'd help him with physics, so…"

Face was screwed up in frustration, she stamped her foot on the ground. "We made plans days ago! You're still lying to me! Just tell me the truth, please!"

You're ruining, dammit, just tell her!

"I'm not, God, and just stop with the accusations! It's…I mean, don't think that…look…" he muttered before giving up once and for all with a defeated sigh. "I don't know, okay? At the end of the day…I mean, you're just my tutor, right?"

Over the next several seconds, Hermione's body language changed entirely, and it was terrifying to him. Her nostrils flared and her cheeks turned a bright crimson. She clenched and unclenched her fists as she peered directly into his eyes, never blinking. The veins in her neck were starting to bulge out, and he honestly wondered if she might hit him.

Instead, though, the muscles in her forehead suddenly relaxed and her knees buckled. Her chest caved in as she pushed out all of her breath, and intense agony was etched across her face. Moisture started accumulating in her eyes again as she gave him a small, painful nod. "I guess so."

With one last glare, she turned on her heel and started walking in the other direction, leaving Ron standing alone in the middle of the quad. A few students snickered and offered sarcastic applause as they went back to their normal lives, but he remained rooted to the spot, barely aware of anyone else in the vicinity. How could he have fucked things up so badly? How could he try to talk to her and explain things and somehow make everything even worse? Why hadn't he just kept his mouth shut? And why couldn't he have just been honest with her?

Shaking his head to try to rid himself of the memories, he headed back into the library, hoping to look as inconspicuous as possible. He could still feel several sets of eyes on him, though; all of the people who had watched him crash and burn in a very public fashion. As quickly as he could, he zipped back up the stairs and rejoined Harry in their study room, closing the door behind him and slumping down in his chair with a groan.

"Everything okay?" Harry asked, quirking his eyebrow as he glanced up from his textbook.

"No, it's most definitely not."

"Did she scream at you?"

Ron could feel Harry's eyes on him as he gave a quick nod, thinking over the confrontation in his head. Why hadn't he just said what he meant? Perhaps Hermione would've understood. She might have even been able to help him understand things a little better and allay some of his concerns. Instead, he'd screwed up any chance of being with her because he was too goddamn stubborn and prideful to just have a normal fucking conversation.

"Look, man," Harry piped up, interrupting Ron's train of thought. "I feel like I might've been a bit harsh the other day. I never meant to imply that I didn't think you should be with Hermione if that's what you both want. Just because you wouldn't be the most…conventional couple doesn't mean it's not even possible."

Now he tells me? NOW he fucking tells me?

But it wasn't Harry's fault. Not really. Harry may have been skeptical, but that hadn't stopped Ron before. He'd gone down the online rabbit hole and freaked himself out all on his own. Nobody deserved the consequences but him.

"Yeah, well, even if that's what I wanted, it doesn't really matter anymore."

"Things change. Opinions change. Who knows what'll happen in the future, right?"

"I mean, I have a pretty good idea," Ron grumbled.

"I don't know, don't write it off yet. It's more obvious than ever how much you like her, dude. You know the names and schedule of her medications. Like, shit that only she, her doctor, and maybe her parents know. I've never seen you put in this much effort for a girl before. Not even Lavender, and you two dated for months. I get the sense that her health stuff kinda scares you, but from where I'm sitting, it seems like not being with her is the most painful option."

Never in his life had Ron been more confused. Of course he wanted to be with Hermione. And even though the thought of an uncertain future frightened him, his roommate had a point. The lengths to which he was going to be with her up until a few days ago were very uncharacteristic, but he couldn't care less. It had all been worth it. Why did Hermione's life have to be so unfair, and why was it so hard for him to make sense of it?

"Yeah, maybe so, but once again since you seem to be hard of hearing, it's no longer relevant. I stood her up, lost her trust, and now she hates me. Even if I did think that, I've squandered my chance."

"Why don't you give it a few days and, if you still feel as shitty as you look right now, try to reach out and apologize. You never know, right?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"Just think about it, man.

"I guess. Yeah, I will."

"Good. Now…physics?"

Ron sighed and did his best to put his troubles out of his mind. "Yeah, let's go."