I told you it would be more regular now! See it last one more week and then not get an update for two months. I guarantee you.
Edited 28/08 for quality/continuity Bold italics = Jasper's letter
"Why our Belle." Anton smirked. "Where have you been?"
"Hunting!" Bella replied a little too fast. "It's hard to find prey around here."
"Really?" He dropped down in front of her. "And the Major came too?"
She shrugged. "He just wanted to discuss some things with me."
"Like what?"
"Like where I go to hunt."
She was bluffing like she had never bluffed before, but Anton's smirk never faltered.
"It's a bit strange, Belle. You understand." He grinned, there was blood between his teeth. "You wander off on your own a lot, often with Peter, and now you're bringing the Major with you? Maria just feels a little… neglected. Perhaps you should run your excursions by her in future, so she doesn't worry about the things you get up to."
The threats behind his smile were clear. Maria was officially suspicious, and Bella had better watch her step.
The longest Bella had ever gone without any blood was two weeks. The whole family were busy with something or other. There had been an outbreak of measles so Carlisle was putting in extra hours at the hospital, Esme and Alice had gone up to a new house they'd just bought to decide what changes to make with it. Emmett and Edward were on an extended hunting trip and only reachable by phone. Rosalie had just bought a job lot of antique cars that she was slowly fixing up in the driveway. In this flurry of activity Bella was left unattended; at two years turned she was too old to be their priority and too young to trust herself to hunt on her own, especially after the incident a few months before.
Chastened by dim memories of being the weak link, the soft little human who always needed looking after; she refused to ask for help. Not from her husband, not from her siblings, from her parents - nobody.
She avoided Jasper altogether. Peter and Charlotte had come to visit so he was spending all his free time out with them, he was the busiest out of all of them and the only one who would have been able to sense her dilemma. She almost prided herself on how no one knew, until the mailman skinned his knee on their driveway and she bit a hole in the carpet to keep herself from lunging through the window - then it occurred to her how stupid she was being.
Luckily Rosalie saw her, held her down until the threat had passed and then dragged her into the forest to drain 'at least three deer'. Patted on the head and informed that she was an idiot, Bella was always a lot more careful with her blood intake from then on. Still, Rose kept her promise to never tell anyone.
Four weeks after their attack on the Martin coven, that record had been blown out of the water.
Every time Bella asked Maria if she could go hunting her request was denied. Every time she would be given some task to do instead; supervising the newborns, training them not to break things, fixing the things they did break. She would ask if she could go afterwards and be told no, it's 'not safe', they 'can't put her at risk'.
"Surely you can put aside your preferences and just drink a human for my sake?"
Previously she had supplemented proper hunting trips with birds and rabbits and various small, nasty tasting things; but with the increase of newborns living in their ranks, not even birds flew above and all creatures of the ground kept miles away. There was nothing she could do to keep the burning thirst away.
Over the four weeks she turned into a shell of herself. Too plagued by the bloodlust and the burning, she couldn't do anything, couldn't muster the focus to do anything. Once she'd failed at enough tasks and snapped at enough people, they all stopped asking her to do things. She just sat in her tree, burning.
She could hear their whispers, she knew it made no sense to them that she wouldn't just drink a human. Their prey was brought into the camp a few times as she starved, more often than usual in fact. Maria was trying to tempt her, she was watching her. She felt so many eyes on her, his included.
Jasper must have thought she didn't notice him staring at her. His eyes were the one comfort she had. Three and a half weeks in, he brushed against her as she sat blankly on a low hanging branch.
"Just drink a human," he said. "You'll have to eventually. Why torture yourself now?"
But she couldn't.
She had no idea if it was her strength of character or her stubborn impulse to prove him wrong that made her spring up the tallest tree and sink her teeth into the wood every time humans were brought into the camp, but she cursed it nonetheless.
March 24th, 1886.
Four and a half weeks into her starvation, 31 days with no blood, she felt like she had become death.
She was just so angry. Angry at her situation, angry at the burning, angry that she was a wretched vampire in the first place, angry at Maria for messing with her, angry with herself for stubbornly sticking to her guns, angry with the universe; too angry to sit still.
The tree she always sat in was at the back of the camp, to the left of Maria's tent. It was far enough back that she didn't have newborns always in her direct eyeline to make her feel so wretchedly guilty. From her tree she heard Jasper and Peter get their orders to go out and round up humans. With more vampires to feed, Jasper split the hunting party into two groups going in opposite directions to avoid detection. A fine tactical move, Bella thought, fitting for the youngest Major of the Texas Cavalry.
While they were gone she decided it was finally time for a walk. She would have to cope with the scent of blood hovering through the camp for the next day so this was her only opportunity to look at something that wasn't the other tree in front of her. She hung her satchel safely higher up, got up and wondered down to the training ground at the front of the camp, ignoring the hungry gazes of the newborns surrounding her.
It felt good to move again. With her reduced thinking power she felt like she was floating, like her limbs were being controlled by someone else. Her arms swung as she strolled, free and unhindered.
She was still near the front of the camp when a carriage filled with wailing humans rattled in the distance. A few seconds later and she could hear the thump thump thudding of their poor hearts and she wanted it too much to bear. She shot up the nearest tree, not her usual one and shoved some leaves in her mouth to distract her senses and give herself something to bite down on.
The humans weren't there yet, but every newborn in the camp ran to the front where the carriage would soon break through the trees. They were quivering with hardly suppressed hunger, vying to be the first one in the queue to eat. Quickly they started growling at each other, then shoving each other. Before too long the tree she was hiding in gave shuddering crack and crashed to the ground, taking several others with it. She sprang from the wreckage, irrationally angry at the newborn who had been thrown against her resting place.
"The fuck do you think you're doing?" She advanced upon him, intending to make him flinch or cower with her rage and higher rank.
Instead he bared his teeth and growled. He charged towards her with the force of a monster.
"Right foot forward, chest low, elbows ba-"
His arms wrapped around her waist and threw her down to the ground. Her addled mind wasn't ready to dodge. The impact jolted her and the rush of rage gave her the strength to pull her legs up and kick him off her. She jumped up herself, but he had recovered quickly.
He sprinted with his arm raised to hit her, but she ducked down to avoid him.
"Make sure you stay in motion, zip aroun-"
But he preempted her. He swung his arm down and grabbed her hair, using it to pull her up and throw her into a tree that came crashing to the ground.
"Your advantage is your ability to keep a clear head."
That's the thing. Her head wasn't clear. The red haze of anger impaired her vision and slowed her movements. She was making mistakes, big ones. Where she should have dodged she attacked, going for foolish moves of brute strength that she didn't possess. The only injuries she got in were sharp bites at his arms when he wrapped them around her. He thankfully let go to howl in agony when she ripped a chunk from his bicep.
"Newborns will always be stronger than you, but they are easily enra-"
She regretted her more aggressive stance when she went to dodge his answering attack and thoughtlessly raised an arm to protect her head, leaving her left elbow sticking out to the side. Unlike Jasper, who had used it to flip her to the ground all those months ago, the newborn grabbed it and kicked her body down, ripping her arm from her shoulder.
The pain rivalled the burn of the change, she could somehow still feel her arm as it hurtled through the air and crashed into the ground a mile away. All she could see was white hot agony and all she could feel was panic. How was she supposed to beat him now? She had been struggling to fight fully able bodied, how could she rip him apart with one arm even if he wasn't fighting back?
She had to think of something out of the box, quick. He was distracted by pride, gloating at his imminent win against an all powerful lieutenant. As if Peter wouldn't rip him apart for it when he got back.
Her clouded gaze was drawn, as he flexed his mutilated muscles, to the venom dripping down his ragged shirt. Venom was flammable, very flammable. It was what made vampires burn up so easily without having to set a bonfire first. Perhaps if there was enough venom soaked into his clothes, it could disable him just enough for her to get his head off. Yes, there was venom dribbling down her shirt too, but if he were on the ground then it would only touch her many skirts and she would be somewhat safe.
Her hand closed around the lighter Peter had slipped into her deep right pocket a month before.
It wasn't a perfect plan, but it was all she had.
She took off running at him as fast as she could, while simultaneously dodging to her left. She flipped the lighter open one handed and caught it on his sleeve where the venom gushed. He screamed as his arm immediately went up in flames. She landed with a roll behind him and immediately switched direction, setting his shirt ablaze in the back where her claw marks drenched the fabric. He fell to his knees, scrambling behind him to pat the fire out, only to find his hands on fire too.
"That's when you find higher ground and jump on them from above."
She took her brief opportunity and leapt into the air, coming down with one foot on his chest and the other on the ground beside him. She carefully avoided the flames licking at her skirt and leant down to the man she had pinned to the ground to wrench his head from his shoulders.
It took a lot of force and she had to dig her nails into his cheek for purchase with her one arm. His neck screeched as it tore and his screams grew silent when his lungs disconnected from his throat. Bella threw his head to the side and contemplated her next move.
The man's body was still burning on the ground. She could put it out. He would be significantly injured, most likely unable to fight and would probably be put down by one of the other lieutenants when they came back. But at least she wouldn't have killed him.
But then she looked down to his sneering face, goading her even when death was imminent. She was filled up with petty anger, that someone who was doomed to die anyway would try to kill her. She who had a whole life ahead of her. There were people waiting for her outside of here. She was quite possibly the only person in this camp - in this war - trying to do the right thing, but he didn't care. He didn't care to know. He would kill her anyway.
In the future, when she looked back on that moment she would be filled with emotions even Jasper couldn't explain. Even though her logic was flawed, even though it went against every moral she was supposed to have; she had never found it within herself to feel guilty.
Bella flicked the lighter open and burned the man's head, destroying him once and for all.
Her arm didn't take too much finding. She was magnetically drawn to it, like it desperately wanted to be returned to her.
Unfortunately, that was the only easy part. No matter what she did it would not reattach.
She had seen the others hold a dismembered limb up to the place it was supposed to go and have the flesh knit back together within minutes. Sure it sounded horrendously painful, but it was at least quick. She had been sitting on the ground beside where her arm had fallen for hours and there was no change. No matter how long she held her arm there, no matter how hard she pushed. She had tried licking it, she had tried drying it off, she had tried everything.
She was somewhat surprised that Jasper had never included instructions on reattaching limbs in his compendium of information, but dimly recognised that the thought of her losing limbs in this mission probably made him want to hurl.
Deep down, she knew why it wasn't working, but it was too depressing a thought to deal with. She was too starved, her venom was too weak to do what it was supposed to.
But there was nothing she could do about that.
She closed her eyes and took in the sounds and smells surrounding her. Nothing. All there was was the wind through the trees and the vague sweet smell of dozens of vampires a mile away. Large amounts of bloodsuckers really did scare off wildlife. Jacob would have gotten a kick out of that, once upon a time.
Sitting there, she took a moment of pity and just yearned. She yearned for Edward, her sweet husband and life partner who would do anything for her. He would rip himself apart to stop this happening and he would fix everything. She kicked herself for leaving him, she kicked herself for ever having started this. Had she just gone to 1942 she would be safe with her family by now.
The distinctive sound of footsteps came thundering towards her and for a second she let herself hope that it was Jasper and that he'd magically turned into the man she knew. He would know exactly what to do. He would understand how she felt, or didn't feel, about killing that man. He would fix it. She just needed someone who cared to come along to fix it.
It wasn't Jasper.
"Oh my Belle, are you alright?" Maria drawled, hovering over her with a half convincing look of distress on her face. "I heard the commotion and got worried when you didn't come back."
She fussed over Bella's arm and gasped when she looked into her no doubt black and sunken eyes.
"Anton!" she called. "Go intercept the next load of humans and bring one here before the newborns get them all! Our poor Belle is starved half to death!"
"No no…" Bella croaked, her energy depleted. "Please don't, I'll be fine. I just need a deer or something."
"Now don't be silly, Belle." Maria's expression twisted into something stern. "I know you like your little animal diet, but it's too dangerous for you to go out with Johan underground and I can't stand to see you torturing yourself!"
Bella made to answer, but was interrupted by the most wonderful thing she had ever smelled in her life. Venom flooded her mouth and embarrassingly dripped out the corner of her lips, her eyes rolled back into her head and her back arched towards her prey.
Maria beamed in victory. "There now, my Belle. Anton has got it all sorted for you. Don't worry, I know you're weak. Here, I'll hold it up for you."
Bella had just enough of herself in control to look at the human man; in his mid to late thirties, average height, decent but working class clothes, wedding ring. She had just enough of herself to notice the fear in his eyes as he was passed from Anton to Maria and presented to her like a tray of hors d'oeuvres. She wanted to hold herself back, but before she could even think Maria dug a fingernail into the man's neck and she had no choice in the matter.
If she insists you drink from a human, just do it... if there's a human in the camp they are already doomed.
She sank her teeth into the poor man and savoured her first ever taste of human blood. The drops that hit her tongue were pure ecstasy, the most incredible thing she had ever tasted or would ever taste again. The world was suddenly perfect, normal. It didn't matter where she was or who she was. The end of this man's life didn't matter, not to her anymore. She had his blood and that was all that counted. Power flowed through her veins, power she hadn't felt since she was first newborn. She felt her arm knit back into its socket and used it to pull her prey tighter to her.
The high only ended when the blood stopped flowing into her mouth and the magical taste faded away. Maria's delighted giggle pulled her out of her stupor and she opened her eyes to find her mouth was on the neck of a cooling corpse. She gasped and shoved it off her.
"I knew it would be wonderful to see, Belle!" Maria laughed. "Oh you looked like you enjoyed that so much! It looked positively orgasmic! I understand why you do it now, sweetheart. Not that I could ever do it myself!" She took Anton's arm and turned to leave, but hesitated quickly. "I'll see you back at the camp once you have cleaned yourself up! You have some blood on your chin."
Bella watched them go, numb to the world. She absently raised a hand and lightly touched her chin. It came away sticky with blood.
To her horror, something monstrous came over her and she couldn't stop herself scraping every drop off her chin into her cupped hands and slathering it into her mouth. She cursed herself as she licked her hands clean.
With nothing left on her but stains on her skin and clothes, she finally looked at the man she had just murdered. That look of pain and terror was still etched on his cold pale face. His neck was half torn apart, but not a drop of blood fell from it. No, he had no blood left.
Such an undignified way to die.
Bella didn't know what to feel. She couldn't feel. A ringing filled her ears and her hands shook. A wretched sob ripped from her lips and then she couldn't stop her cries. Dry heaving gasps shook her chest and made her clutch her legs to her torso in pain. She stared into the man's eyes, unable to look away even as wheels drove up to the camp and the screams of the rest of the slaughtered humans travelled to her.
Was his wife with them? She wondered. Were his children?
She had no idea how much time passed until she ran out of energy to cry and let the numbness take control. She sat there, never moving, never blinking, never taking her eyes off the man's empty stare. She dimly noted the sound of another batch of humans arriving, of their screams. But she couldn't ponder on it, she couldn't think, she couldn't feel.
She sat there for countless hours, as the man stiffened and rigor mortis kicked in. Couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't blink, couldn't unsee.
She didn't notice the footsteps coming towards her until a hand gently rested on her shoulder. She turned to Peter's concerned face.
He squatted down to her level and slowly, without breaking their eye contact, licked his thumb and wiped at the bloodstains on her chin.
"You okay Darlin'?" he whispered.
Bella realised she didn't know how to answer, her mouth moved but couldn't form words. She settled for shaking her head. No, she was not okay.
Peter frowned and another man squatted next to him. Her eyes flit over his face and Jasper worriedly looked right back at her. He pressed his hand to the exposed skin on the side of her neck and suddenly she was filled with an all encompassing feeling of warmth and love. Her chest felt tight and her belly tingled, her hands shook and a gasp flew from her mouth at the shock of it.
Jasper shifted closer to her and cupped his whole hand around the back of her neck, his thumb stroked her jaw. Her eyes fluttered closed as the feeling intensified and drowned out all the cold and the grief still simmering under the surface.
He pulled her head into the crook of his neck to maintain the contact, then ran the hand on her neck down around her back and looped the other one under her knees so he could lift her up. He held her close to his chest where her forehead could press against him and her arms rest lightly over his shoulders.
"Take care of the body," Jasper mumbled. "I've got her."
She breathed in his scent as he carried her away from her crime.