Just a quickie, up later than I intended, and not much happens. But hey! I had fun!

Updated 29/08 for quality & in line with side fic

April 2nd, 1886.

Human blood took a lot longer to leave your system, and thank God for that. Bella would usually be desperate for sustenance after a week of stretching her shield out over more than one person; but though the fire in her throat still burned, it wasn't the inferno she had come to expect.

It made sense after all, if all vampires had to hunt once a week like the Cullens did then the humans would figure out that something's up eventually.

Bella might even have been enjoying this, if the guilt of ending a poor man's life wasn't still plaguing her. She had never realised that there was a nagging feeling in the back of her throat, a feeling that she was missing something even when she had just fed. Something that made her restless and uncomfortable, itchy in her own skin. She never noticed before. That is, until she had human blood and the feeling went away.

For the first time in her short second life, she felt complete. And she hated herself for it.

Humans were being brought into the camp on one spring afternoon, a reward for their successful taking of territory to the south the day before. She berated herself as she waited for them, and truly considered feeding when she wasn't even thirsty. She just wanted that taste again, the feeling of completeness. That was all, just a taste.

She was terrifying herself, but as the sound of rattling carriage wheels filled the camp her determination not to kill got weaker and weaker until eventually there was nothing left to stop her.

Jasper was by her side in an instant, his hand wrapped around her upper arm.

"Come with me," he murmured, pulling her back into the canopy of the forest.

"Where are we going?" she asked, the taste of blood temporarily shocked from her mind.

He stopped. His eyes lingered on her face, then up to the crowd of hungry newborns forming, then back again; as if he were trying to think of an answer.

"Peter is busy gathering more humans," he finally said. "So you're coming on patrol with me."

He didn't give her time to object, not that she would have anyway.

"You're sure Maria won't mind this?"

"'Course not. You're with me."

The ran in a comfortable silence, slowing to a walk once they made it to the territory border. Jasper spat on the ground to renew the lines.

"Y'know," Bella said. "Before I came down to the South for all this, I had no idea that vampires did so much spitting and licking."

To her surprise, a real belly laugh erupted out of him.

"You really were spoiled up there, weren't you? Never had to draw out your own territory lines?"

"I didn't realise we had any," she admitted.

He continued to chuckle, a sound she'd been worried she'd never hear again, that it would fade into her memories of wrestling with Emmett and video game tournaments.

"Congratulations, by the way," she said. "On your victory yesterday. I wasn't there, but Peter told me you were a force of nature."

Jasper grunted, his good mood faded a little. "It helps that I can slow an army down - or rile ours up. I have been practicing doing both at once but it's evading me."

And it always would , Bella noted. The fight the day before had scared the crap out of her. It wasn't in Jasper's letter, the first major event to not be in one. Part of her hoped that future Jasper had just forgotten it, but that was obviously just wishful thinking. She had altered past events already, and that was terrifying.

While she was glad to not have to see the fight, the fact that she had no guarantee that Jasper would survive meant she was extremely stressed the entire time.

They lapsed back into comfortable silence. Jasper continued to check the borders and redraw them in places, Bella kept an ear out for any animal life she could quickly take down to tide her over. She wanted to get rid of her red eyes before she was anywhere near a reflection; but there was nothing, not even a bird or a rodent. She jumped up a tree quickly to assess a wider area. The land was lifeless, just like its inhabitants.

"What are you looking for?" Jasper asked.

"Anything!" she called back. "Literally any animal with blood! There's nothing, it's like the Twilight Zone out here."

"What's the Twilight Zone?"

"… a book."

"Oh. If there were animals around which would you want?"

She paused. "… are you asking my favourite food right now?"

"I guess."

She dropped down to the ground and peered around the tree to look at him. "I like deer, elk, but carnivores taste best when I can get them. Wolves are good, I enjoy wolves."

"I'd love to see you take down a wolf," Jasper chuckled. "Or a bear, did you enjoy bears when you went on that trip with your brother?"

Somehow, when he was being so playful and so like his future self it didn't bother her to remember that fateful trip. On the contrary, she looked at him and remembered how he had comforted her afterwards.

"I needed help taking down a bear, it's more for the fun than the taste. Most of them just eat fish and berries." She laughed. "Ferocious though, one wrong swipe and your clothes are completely shredded!"

He laughed along with her, trailing off into a silence that didn't feel completely natural.

"What's it like?" he awkwardly asked. "Animals, are they anywhere near as good?"

He wasn't… he wasn't thinking about it was he? Jasper considering drinking from animals unprompted, this early was more than she had ever hoped for.

"No," she said truthfully. "They're nowhere near as good as humans, you're never truly satisfied when you only feed on them - but… I've been told it gets easier the longer you go without human blood, and the benefits outweigh the negatives."

He scoffed. "What possible benefits could there be?"

"It allows us to stay in one place for years as a large group, we're not fighting over human prey and we're not drawing much suspicion other than the not ageing thing. Plus, we don't have to kill anyone." She glanced over at him. "Does it not hurt you? Having to feel what the human you're killing feels?"

He frowned. "I just try not to pay attention to it, same with lots of things."

She hummed in agreement and they fell into a more comfortable silence, wandering along the border lines at far too slow a pace.

"Since you've come here…" he eventually said. "I've stopped shutting all the feelings out. I still do from the newborns; but before, everything was so cold and negative. I relied on Peter for some happiness, I don't know how he does it, but he finds a way to be positive despite this place. His emotions are like a beacon of light in the gloom of all the anger and bloodlust. It keeps me sane. But you! You're like the sun! I feel I have to be near you just to stay warm!"

They had stopped walking as he talked. He turned to face her and picked up her wrist, his fingers brushed at the skin peeking out from her cuff and made her shiver.

"There's a darkness in you now," he murmured. "One that wasn't there before. I know it's because of this place, and it… hurts. I can't explain it. I'm so glad you're here, I'm so glad I know you - but at the same time I wish you'd never come here. You're not supposed to know darkness, you're made for the light."

He showed her the golden feeling again; it filled her veins through the wrist he held, her head lifted and her dead heart sputtered.

"This doesn't belong here," he whispered. "You talk about your family like they're perfect, but I don't understand why they'd let you come here. If I were them I would never let you step foot in this camp, with no way to tell if you're alive or dead."

Bella swallowed hard and bit her lip. She thought for a moment and then grabbed his hand, pulling him along with her out of the territory. "Come with me."

What she was doing was a risk. A huge risk. The fallout could be tremendous. But, she had to make progress somewhere. Yes, Jasper's attitude towards her had improved immensely, but then all she had was a close relationship within a war camp. At some point she had to broach the topic of leaving together and quite frankly, the sooner the better. There was no getting around it. He had to know that she didn't intend to stay, that there were people out there waiting for both of them.

Bella warred within herself until the little yellow shack came into view through the trees.

"...What is this?" Jasper whispered, his tone terse and guarded.

"It's a post office." She said simply and reached to unlatch the ramshackle door, never letting go of Jasper's hand.

The door swung open and revealed a large pile of letters on the shelf. Bella realised with a sinking feeling how worried her family must have been, she hadn't been in the post office for over a month, Carlisle must have been terrified.

She forgot her company for a moment and scooped up the letters, sifting through them to recognise the various styles of handwriting. There was at least one from every member of her coven, every person who loved her.

"So you are spying…" Jasper murmured from behind her. He stared around him with wide eyes.

"No! No, I promise I'm not!" She span around and grabbed the first letter in the pile, an unsealed note from Kate. "Read this and tell me I'm spying."

He gave her a wary look and unfolded the paper.

" April 11th, 1886, " he read aloud. " My darling Bella,

It has been over a month now since we have received word from you and I must say Carlisle is getting rather frantic. Tanya tells me he has been drafting plans to break you out for the past two weeks and it is becoming difficult to talk him out of storming the place himself. I know you are not avoiding our letters, sweet girl. But please, when you at last receive this letter, do leave an answer right away. I left some more writing equipment should you need it.

Garrett and I will be running between here and Kansas every day until we hear word from you. Then we plan to loiter around Dallas for some time, so long as you are safe.

I send you all my love, dear one.

Kate."

Jasper refolded the note and passed it back to her, avoiding eye contact.

"Is Kate your cousin?"

"Yes," Bella kept her eyes on him, trying to gauge his mood on his impassive face. "She and her mate have been travelling around the area."

Jasper hummed and nodded, his eyes locked on the floor.

"Why is she loitering around here?"

Bella sucked in a breath. This was a delicate situation, and it was vital that Jasper didn't detect a hint of deception from her. No matter what, she could not lie.

"She's been staying nearby and keeping me updated on where she is so that I can find her when I leave. In case I get into trouble."

He met her eyes then.

"When you leave?"

"Yes. I'll go home eventually."

Jasper's brow furrowed. His gaze bore intently into her, but not with the anger she was half expecting. He looked at her with fear and pity, sadness radiated off him in waves he mustn't have realised he was projecting.

"You really think you can leave?" he whispered. "The only way Maria is letting you out of here is as a pile of ash."

"Then I guess I'll be escaping."

He sighed. "You can't escape, it's not possible. She needs you, you're too valuable to her."

"Of course it's possible!" Bella grasped his hand, coaxing him to look her in the eye. "You could come with me you know."

"Come with you?"

"There's a whole other world out there, Jaz. One that's so much better than this. This place is full of hatred and pain and bloodshed, but that's not all the world is! You think me and Peter are light? You should see a school, a wedding... a birthday party! This place is so grey and numb, but the real world is just a few miles away and it's full of life!"

Jasper didn't speak, he gazed down at their joined hands with an unreadable look in his eyes.

"Even if it were possible…" he mumbled. "I can't leave Maria."

"Do you mean you can't leave her or you don't want to leave her?"

"Does it matter?" He finally let her go and turned to stare at the walls.

Bella sighed, exasperated. "Peter and I have a theory. We think Maria has an ability to make people love her."

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "That's ridiculous."

"No it makes sense! It always seemed so weird that she's basically keeping you and the newborns as slaves but no one seems to care. But then I put my shield over Peter and suddenly he hated her. It's like it took away the hold she had over him."

Jasper didn't look convinced, Bella's temper heated up..

"You have to believe me!"

"I don't-" Jasper sighed. "I know you're not lying Bella. I don't think you're lying, I just think you're wrong. And besides, my feelings about Maria aren't the only thing that keeps me here."

"What else?"

"Anton. He's a tracker."

"So? We can deal with trackers, I put my shield over us and we jump in the ocean for a few weeks to cover our scent. Problem solved."

"Not for this kind of tracker." Jasper said. "Anton can bind to two people, and once he's bound to them, he can track them forever. Not through their smell or nothing, through their minds. Right now he's bound to Maria and he's bound to me . No matter where I go, he will find me."

Bella was thunderstruck, for more than one reason.

"But-"

"No, Bella." Jasper chuckled, a dark despondent sound. "You can't shield me forever."

"Jasper." She stepped into his space, grasped him by the upper arms and pulled herself up to her tiptoes to look him better in the eye. "I will find a way to get you out of here. I will do whatever it takes. You deserve better than this life.."

For a second he stood there, nose inches from hers, breathing her air. Then he sighed and pulled away.

"Good luck Bella."

He turned and ran back towards camp, most likely to finish his patrol. Bella needed to get back as soon as possible before anyone noticed, but she had one thing to do first.

She grabbed a sheet of paper and a pencil from the pile Kate so kindly left and scratched out a quick note.

Everyone,

I'm okay, I promise. I'm sorry I scared you all. Maria has issued an order that no one is allowed to leave the camp, I won't be able to send or receive messages for a while. I don't know how long. Please don't come to the camp. Seriously, don't. I have Jasper and Peter looking out for me. I'll be fine, I swear.

I love you all,

Bella

She folded the note in half and left it neatly on the now empty shelf. The other correspondence she shoved in her bag, to be read and then burned later. She took off towards the camp, following Jasper's scent back to the boundary line.

Anton's involvement in this plagued her thoughts, not just because he was a weaselly little slime ball that left metaphorical oil slicks on everything he touched, but because it was so surprising. She'd known Anton was a tracker of course, but he was bound to Jasper? This was a huge problem she had to tackle, and yet it wasn't in the letters she had brought with her. She couldn't get her head around it, there was no way Jasper didn't think it was important. Did he not know?

It was stressful, and frankly terrifying - but for the first time Bella could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Jasper was onside, even if he was in denial about it. She only had two things stopping her from grabbing him and running like hell. Anton's power, and then Maria's. For the first time, she truly knew her enemies.