Chapter 32

The last stretch. They were so close now, Grace was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe Jenny and her brother would come back with a platoon of skitters. Maybe the route Weaver had chosen would be blocked by a Mech patrol. Maybe the hypothetical chip inside her would activate and she would go on an uncontrollable rampage. Anything could happen now. They just had to last a little longer.

Matt was recovering at the back of the bus, talking to Tom. The boy looked disappointed. But their dad was taking good care of him. From what Grace overheard, Matt was concerned that Ben would love his new skitter family more than his real family. Impossible, but Grace understood why he felt that way. He'd just made a new friend, promised her comfort and safety in a real, human community, and she had chosen her skitter brother over it all - over him. Ben would never do that. He went to fight with the skitters because he felt like he had to. As soon as this was all over, he would be right back with the Mason clan where he belonged.

"Everything okay?" Grace asked her dad as he came towards her.

He simply nodded and offered her a tired smile before heading for the front of the bus, side-stepping past Lourdes and her patient who was lying unconscious in one of the beds.

Grace observed Lourdes as she started looking around for something, a swab in her hand. She made a pretty good guess and handed her a cup of water from the side table.

Hesitantly, Lourdes took the cup. "I don't need your help," she muttered, dipping the swab in the water and leaning over the patient.

Grace bit her tongue, trying not to let Lourdes' foul mood lower hers. But she couldn't be silent any longer.

"Look, Lourdes. I'm sorry about what happened to Jamil. It's horrible. I know." She took a step closer as Lourdes refused to move or even look at her. "I feel terrible about it. But there's nothing I can do and we can't go on like this. You can't go on ignoring me. Lourdes. Please. Look at me!"

Suddenly Lourdes looked up, her eyes full of tears. "Not everything is about you, Grace."

She stepped away from her patient, shaking. As Grace looked down at the man, she realised his dry, cracked lips were almost blue. He wasn't breathing.

"Anne…"

Anne ran over immediately, feeling for a pulse. But her face said it all.

"There's nothing we can do to help him now," she said softly, lifting the cover over his head.

"That's what you said about Jamil," Lourdes snapped, choking back sobs. "You need to find a new line."

"Lourdes," Anne said, shocked.

"This isn't Anne's fault. Give her a break, okay?" It slipped out before Grace could think about it, but her patience with Lourdes was wearing thin.

"So it's my fault, is it? I couldn't help him. I couldn't help Jamil."

"Of course not, that's not what I meant."

"You know what?" Lourdes sniffed. "I'm tired of you, Grace. I'm tired of your bravado. I'm tired of you only looking out for yourself and your brothers."

"That's not true!"

"Isn't it? You made it seem like you were looking out for Jamil. But you weren't. You only came down to the basement to look for Matt. You didn't give a crap about anyone else."

"No!"

"Just admit it!" Lourdes almost shrieked, making everyone jump as they watched her melt down. "If we're not a Mason, we don't matter. We're just collateral damage in whatever heroic narrative you've created for yourself. You'll let your own friends die before you let anything happen to your brothers. Look what happened to Jimmy. Now Jamil. Who's next?"

That was it. Grace couldn't contain the rising anger in her anymore. She was bursting with rage, and the mention of Jimmy sent her over the edge. She raised her hand and slapped Lourdes across the face.

Anne gasped and covered her mouth whilst Tom's eyes widened. Matt was sitting up, looking upset. Even Anthony slowed the bus down a little as he looked back to see what was going on.

Lourdes' dark hair covered her face as she stood still, her hand over her cheek.

Grace stood there, motionless, her eyes wide with horror at what she'd just done.

"Lourdes…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…"

She went to touch her shoulder but Lourdes batted her away.

"Don't touch me!"

Wiping away tears, Lourdes rushed to the front of the bus, planting herself in one of the seats by Anthony and burying her head in her hands.

Grace felt like crying herself. Once again her anger had got the better of her. She attempted to go to Lourdes but Anne stopped her.

"Leave her."

Anne went to sit by Lourdes and Tom walked over to Grace, squeezing her shoulder.

"Dad, I didn't mean to do that, I swear."

He signed deeply. "It's okay, kiddo. Let's sit. Take a breath."

They sat next to Matt at the back of the bus and Grace took a few deep breaths.

"You okay?" Matt asked, putting his journal to one side.

"I just saw red," she admitted, looking at her hands. "I've just made everything so much worse."

"We all do stupid things when we're angry. Lourdes will understand."

"I'm not sure she will this time, Dad. She hates me."

"She's in mourning. We all know what that's like."

"What if she's right?" Grace felt her toes curl at the thought. "What if they did something to me on that ship and it's making me put you all at risk?"

Tom shook his head adamantly. "We've been through this."

"I can't deny that I've been seeing things. That people have been dying - because of me!"

"Stress can play tricks on the mind," Tom sighed. "It can lead to poor judgement, accidents. It's not your fault. You can't save everyone."

She closed her eyes, her mind racing. All the "what ifs?" dancing through her head. Lourdes' question of "who's next?" echoing in her ears.

"Maybe I should leave too," she said. "Just to be safe."

As soon as she said it, she felt small hands tighten around her waist. "No - you can't leave us too!" Matt cried, enveloping her in a desperate embrace. Grace felt tears prick her eyes as she cuddled her baby brother.

"He's right," Tom smiled at her. "The Second Mass needs you."

"No, they don't."

"Well, I do. So do your brothers."

As Matt slowly released her, Grace swiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "I'm sick of people doubting me. Of doubting myself. Of being angry, out of control."

Tom watched her for a long moment. Then he did something she didn't expect. He laughed.

Grace's brow furrowed at him, confused at what he could possibly be laughing at. "What?"

"This just reminds me of the time I got called into school because of a brawl you had with that girl…what was her name?"

Grace's cheeks flushed suddenly. "Bethany Sutton…she deserved it."

"When me and your mom came in, we were furious. How could our little girl do something like that?" He shook his head. "You were so scared you'd disappointed us. Then we looked over and saw Zoe sitting next to you, in tears."

"What was wrong with Zoe?" Matt asked.

Grace glanced at her dad. "Well…Bethany said some pretty mean things to Zoe, and when I found out about it, I confronted her. And well, I lashed out. Couldn't control my anger. I only hit her once, but it was enough for the Principal to call me into his office."

"And even though violence shouldn't be our first response," he said clearly for Matt's benefit. "You didn't disappoint me. Your heart was in the right place. Like it always is. I know you struggle to control your anger. It's difficult, especially with everything being the way it is. But you can't let it control you. You're better than that." He squeezed her hand, smiling at her.

She forced a smile back, though she still felt awful. She didn't want to be angry, but she had always been a hot head and people found her buttons so easily. She hoped Lourdes could forgive her.

She hoped she could forgive herself.

The sunrise brought new hope. Today was the day. At least all the pain and loss they had suffered over the past few months had finally led to this – to Charleston. Grace felt butterflies in her stomach whenever she saw a sign pointing to their new home. Even with all the doubt she had felt at the start of this journey, she was finally letting herself believe. It was Charleston or bust. She felt it in her gut – everything was about to change.

The sound of ripping paper distracted her from the window, and she turned to see Matt tearing a page out of his journal. His Will. He hesitated for a second, before crumpling it up and throwing it in the bin. Grace smiled. They were finally starting to look forward to their future again, to not being a heartbeat away from death.

Finally, the bus came to an abrupt halt.

"I think we're here," called Anne from the driver's seat.

"Really?" asked Matt excitedly. Grace raced to the front of the bus almost as fast as he did.

Weaver and Tector's truck was blocking some of the view and the morning sun was shining bright in their eyes, but she could make out lots of buildings in the distance. This had to be it.

They all disembarked the bus as quickly as possible, with their fellow fighters joining them from down the convoy as they met up with Captain Weaver and Tector by the bridge into Charleston.

Only, there was no Charleston.

The bridge had gone completely, revealing the shambled remains of the city. Buildings toppled. Roads upturned. Debris everywhere. There was no sign of civilization. There was no sign of anything. Charleston was a ghost town.

Grace turned around and pushed back through the crowd that was now forming, their mouths opened wide at the disastrous disappointment that lay in front of them. She headed back to the bus. She couldn't look at it any longer.