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Ch.14- "Change"

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Their expedition was less than four weeks away. It would be a make or break moment for the Survey Corps, possibly their last chance to prove that they existed as more than a cautionary tale of the hubris of man. It was also the first time they'd be going beyond any previously charted territory, humanity's first effort to explore new land in almost a century. They'd be bringing new recruits with them, not only the vertical-maneuvering savants from the underground, but thirty newly joined Trainees as well. The moment they'd been given the order "At ease" by the commander, Hange had screamed in delight, breaking their ranks like a bull in a tea shop to drag one of them over to the rest of Squad Thirteen, a man a fair bit older than most of the cadets, who seemed more uncomfortable being on the receiving end of so many new stares than the brunette officer petting him like a large cat…

"AAAAHHH~! You finally graduated!"

"Please don't say it like that…" Frey frowned, his gaze darting between the pair.

"A friend of yours, Hange?"

"Uh, 'friend' is putting it lightly. This is Moblit, my baby~! The sweetest, smartest, most special-est boy! We were in training together, but his ODM gear malfunctioned and he kind of broke his-"

"Hange, please don't-"

"-everything below the knees? I was there when it happened; I didn't know a human leg could twist around that far and still be attached."

"Oh my god!"

"Right?! That would scare me off vertical maneuvering for good, but not my stalwart companion! He's so brave! He went back and finished his training, and now he's here with us! You have to put him in the center convoy, Erwin. Gih!" She glared, silencing the section commander's complaint before he could even open his mouth. "Not because he's my special boy- he can help! He's the best artist you've ever seen!"

"No, I'm not-"

"He can help us with mapping the area beyond the base!"

"What!? Hange, I'm not a cartographer…!"

Despite Cadet Berner's protests to the contrary, he proved to be skilled enough with mapping out landmarks that Erwin spent two days arguing with his captain to have him temporarily transferred to a central unit. If they could bring back some form a proof that they were pushing humanity forward, that might be enough to change the peoples' perception of them, which could go even further towards ensuring the Corps' continued existence than merely winning over the Council.

So much of his time was once again dedicated to ensuring everything was thought out as close to perfection as his imperfect mind could get that the nights he spent sleeping at his desk were beginning to outnumber those spent in his bed. The fear in his chest was coiling tighter and tighter, and shortly before he worried it might snap and he would lose his nerve entirely and just ride off towards the mountains in Wall Maria one night, Erwin went to the commander's office, a now familiar form in hand. Shadis had given him a sardonic look.

"You don't have to keep wasting your personal days to take care of Scout business, Smith."

"This time, it's actually a personal matter, sir…"

Levi's absurd yet grimly poignant mockery from the month before swirled in his mind even as he made his way up the now familiar creaking stairs, his nails digging gouges into the ancient, rotting wood of the banister. Pretend that squalid shack is your home… Those thoughts were burned away by white hot jealousy when the door opened just enough for a very groggy Thomasin to immediately look past him.

"Where's my little bird?"

"Locked in its cage. Sorry to disappoint, it's just me today." Groaning, she let her head fall against the door frame, pieces of her hair standing on end in little corkscrews.

"Your expedition's in two weeks; you should be resting."

"I was planning to." He held up a brown paper bag, waving it temptingly in front of her. "Wall Maria?" He asked hopefully, earning another groan.

"Only if you carry me." Erwin frowned slightly, thinking about it for all the time it took to inhale.

"Alright." Deep brown eyes widened.

"Seriously? Well, I won't pass up the opportunity to work you like a mule. Let me get dressed." Coming back out in an off white dress and a yellow cardigan that was too much for the warmth of early summer, they both walked down to the courtyard together, where he knelt by the steps, his back to her.

"You can sit on my shoulders."

"I don't think so!" Silently, he thanked whatever deity was deciding to take mercy on him. He was in too deep now, but the thought of her thighs pressing against his face was a bit too much for even a man with such expertly cultivated stoicism as him. "You're huge, Erwin, and I'm not exactly short. If you stumble and I fall from that high up, I'll snap my neck. Stand up." Already knowing where this was going and dreading it, he obeyed, her hands digging into his shoulders as she hopped onto his back. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled herself up slightly, her breasts inadvertently rubbing against his back. "Ha, just like old times, eh, Smith?"

"Not really," he muttered, bending slightly to keep her from sliding off, though she had already wrapped her leg around his waist so there wasn't too much concern of that happening. "You're not bleeding all over me this time."

"Sorry, if that's what you wanted, you're a week late." He groaned in disgust, even as a flush crept into his cheeks.

The stares they garnered as they made their way through the wall and out to the rolling fields were mostly ignored in favor on conversation that was hampered somewhat by Erwin constantly having to spit out the wispy curls that kept making their way into his mouth every time he opened it.

"Ugh, get your face out of my face…"

"No, I wanna see! I wanna see what it's like looking at the world from this high up."

"You can look over my head."

"Your hair smells like cheap soap. You're not in Mike's squad anymore- you can use actual shampoo now." But why would he? Buying toiletries was as much a waste of time as it was a waste of money. If the lye bars the Corps provided made good enough lather to shave with, they were good enough for his hair. Still, as terrible as it tasted, he had to admit Thomasin's hair smelled lovely, like chamomile and enough other flowers he could imagine someone holding a dried bouquet under his nose.

"Sorry I don't smell up to your standards, Mike. I have more important things to worry about than how nice my hair is."

"It's very nice," she reassured him with a small pat, "and I hope these more important things aren't the formation you've been going over for years already. It's as good as it's going to get, Erwin; keep messing with it, and you're going to start making mistakes where there shouldn't be any." She was right. He knew she was right, but even so…

"Everything within my control might be perfect, but there are too many variables I can't control to stop worrying."

"Like the weather?"

"That too." He paused, turning his face to look at her. "Levi is probably… definitely going to try to kill me at some point. He came worryingly close during our first encounter, so if I don't return from this mission, it's just as likely that he slit my throat as it would be that a Titan eats me." Thomasin stared at him him, eyes wide, parted lips trying and failing to pull into a smile.

"That's a joke, right?"

"Don't worry about him coming after you. I've already spoken with the commander, and if I die out there, he will be executed."

"...that's a joke, right?!"

"Do you still have those documents I left with you?"

"Yeah…?" He continued walking, the tree they'd had their first picnic under coming into view.

"I have no right to ask you this, but when you have time, could you send that envelope to General Zachary? I'll give you the address to his office when we get back."

"Erwin…" Her voice was tight with fear, and he hated it. Reaching up, he gently patted one of the hands clutching his shirt tightly enough to begin pulling the buttons open.

"I'm sorry I brought this up. You don't need to worry about it, I just wanted you to know… in case. Let's just enjoy your birthday." As he leaned back to set her down on her own "feet", he noticed that the fingers still twisted in his shirt took a bit longer to unclench than he would have expected. She remained unusually quiet as he set to laying out the blanket and helping her sit on it, staring at the tiny blue flowers that poked out through the blades of grass. Stretching out beside her with a soft groan as his joints popped, Erwin opened the bag he'd brought from Trost, pulling one of the confections and wafting it temptingly under Thomasin's nose, paying little mind to the icing sugar flaking off and dusting the fine hairs of his arm as he did so.

"These are filled with custard and jam. I figured two fillings would make up for me being a month late." To his dismay, she pushed his hand away, not even bothering to meet his gaze.

"Why didn't you tell me all this stuff earlier?"

"I didn't want to spoil the surprise?" he teased lightly, earning him a sharp glare. At least she was looking at him.

"You know what I'm talking about, you blonde jac-" The horror that filled her eyes as she cut herself off was the same as he remembered when they rode back from their first mission, when her hands had shaken so badly she could barely hold her reins. I should have died on my first mission… I hated every second of it… "I thought he was nice," she whispered. "The way you talked about him in your letters, I thought he was just… I thought he was like me. Bad with people…"

"Maybe he is," Erwin told her in a low voice. "He has friends, he isn't… horrible to the other Scouts- he was downright pleasant with you. I didn't bring some bloodthirsty murderer into our ranks Thomasin." 'I hope…' "I have reason to believe his little gang was contacted by Lord Lobov. He's only after me-"

"Isn't that enough!?" She slammed her hand down on the blanket, the soft comforter and soil beneath it swallowing the sound of the impact, but not that of the anger tight in her voice. "How can you be so blasé about this? How is the risk worth it? You want to find other humans who don't even give a fuck that you exist so badly that you're willing to let some murderer for hire stab you just so you can die thinking you got a step closer to that goal? What is wrong with you?!" Her entire body trembled with frustration. Shutting his eyes, Erwin rubbed them with his free hand.

"Thomasin, please; let's not ruin such a lovely day dwelling on death. We're here to celebrate you being born."

Her jaw clenched, chewing on words she seemingly struggled to decided whether or not she wanted to speak. Ultimately choosing silence, she turned away from him, wrapping her arms around herself and curling inward. Erwin sighed, wishing he could come up with some grandiose speech to put her mind at ease. It would have been kinder to let her remain ignorant and continue thinking that Levi was only as vicious as his insults. Alas, he himself was not a kind, or soft, or even good man.

Taking the bun between his teeth and wiping the powdered sugar on his pants, he reached into the basket he'd brought back, pulling out a small package tied neatly with a yellow ribbon. Setting it beside her left thigh, he laid down, chewing silently as he stared at the thick, glossy leaves above them. From the corner of his eye, he watched as her arm slowly came down, the brown paper crinkling softly as she picked up the gift, louder as she unfolded it. A quiet sigh, and she shifted back around, facing the houses that lined Wall Maria.

"...thank you, Erwin. It's very nice."

"You don't have to pretend to like it if you don't."

"I like it. I'm just mad at you." She sighed again, bringing her knee up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her right leg. The left remained stretched out, her dress pulled up enough that he could see more of the wooden prosthetic than he'd ever been able to before. It was nothing remarkable, little more than a table or chair leg, covered with scratches and dents, the wood almost black near the bottom. "…you know, if anyone's a 'little bird', Erwin, it's you. You and the rest of the Scouts." Swallowing half of his bun, he smiled at her, powdered sugar dusting his lips.

"Because we fly on the Wings of Freedom?"

"Because you're stupid little things that don't realize how frail you are," she snapped. "Pretty songs and ineffective pecks, that's all you're made of. You have a nice little home, with food and water and other birds, and safety, but nooo- you want to go outside where everything is trying to kill you!"

"That 'nice little home' is called a cage, Thomasin. Cages are bad."

"Why?" She pressed him, looking so much like she had when she was younger, some inscrutable emotion darkening her eyes. "Cages are safe and easy. ...everything is so hard, all the time… Why is it so wrong to just want things to be easy for once…?" Brushing his face off, he sat up, shifting to face her.

"It's not. You know it's not. If having an easy, simple, safe life makes you happy, I think that's a good thing."

"No, you don't," she spat under her breath. "You think I'm an ignorant swine." Erwin winced. He'd actually forgotten about that; why did she have to bring it up now? Reaching out, he set a large hand on her shoulder, gently rubbing his thumb over the jut of her collarbone he could feel through both dress and sweater.

"Come now, Lindemann- you can't compare a grown man to the dumb teenager he used to be. I was wrong about a lot of things when I was younger. Even if I still thought like that- which I don't, mind you- I would never lump you in with the 'ignorant swine'. The fact that you went through military training, even if you hated it, just because you wanted to stand atop the walls and see the world from up there… that's an amazing thing that would probably never even cross most peoples' minds." She looked away, a flush blooming along her cheeks. Letting his hand fall away, Erwin leaned against her arm. "I think you're a little bird too, Thomasin. You know it's scary, but deep down, you want to leave this cage behind and know true freedom, just like me." Sniffling, she swiped her thumb beneath her eyes, bumping him off of her.

"You're so stupid, Smith… you don't know anything. You're a dumb, brainless asshole. All you've done today is wake me up and make me feel like shit. If I wanted that, I could've done literally anything else…"

"Sorry, I'm better at giving people courage than comfort… Maybe if I just shut up and let you put your head in my lap, that would help more." As Thomasin drew away from him, her face screwing up in indignation, Erwin realized just how badly he worded that. "I don't mean… sexual- That's how my father used to calm me down when I was a child." Her eyes widened in understanding.

"Oh, you mean lay my head down on your lap, not… Okay, that sounds less… than what you were saying…" Good lord, what was wrong with him? He prayed those lecherous thoughts that were supposed to remain relegated to the dark of night weren't going to start making their way into his waking hours. "You know what? Yeah."

" 'Yeah' what?"

"You go ahead and comfort me, Smith. Make yourself useful inside the walls for once." She grabbed the hem of her dress, pulling it up, and for one horrible moment, all the blood in Erwin's body split perfectly, half rushing to his head while the rest treacherously began pooling between his legs. Even when he noticed her undoing the laces of her prosthetic and uttered a sigh of relief that hopefully wasn't loud enough for her to hear, he still had to turn his thoughts towards the most malformed of Titans in skimpy lingerie before his body got the memo. He barely realized she was still speaking.

"-my birthday, and I'm older than you, so you should feel extra bad upsetting me out today. I'm old, Smith- my poor heart can't take this." That chased away any lingering "urges" as he frowned at her.

"You are six months older than me, woman."

"Yeah, and look at you! You're like, forty! So that make me…" She paused, her lips moving silently as she counted to herself. "Forty-six!" He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. If she was going to insult herself in the process of insulting him, he'd let it slide. As she finally undid the last buckle of her prosthetic and slid it off, he noticed just how complicated it truly was.

"That's… a lot of belts…" She started, realizing where he was looking. Her expression was somber still, but she didn't look nearly as upset as she had the last time, when he hadn't even been looking at her.

"Yeah. Imagine having to put on ODM gear in the middle of the night to piss. Good thing I learned how to get around on a crutch before I got it." As she set the mess of straps and laces aside, Erwin let his gaze linger on her missing leg, or rather, what was left of it. She'd shown him in a fit of anger a few days after she'd lost it, but it had been wrapped up and all he'd seen was where it ended. A thick pink scar extended up along the inside of her thigh, but before his roving eyes could travel any higher, she pulled her dress back down, scooching until she sat perpendicular to him.

"Thomasin?"

"Yeah?"

"Does it… hurt?"

"What, the straps?"

"No. Your…" She glanced at him before laying down.

"Stump?" Erwin winced, but nodded. She hummed thoughtfully as she positioned her head and shoulders across his thighs. "Not really. Not anymore. I still get… tingles sometimes, but… Ah, you wouldn't believe me if I told you- good god, your thighs are like marble. Are you flexing, Smith?"

"No."

"Are you sure?" She cocked a brow and he frowned.

"I think I'd know if I were flexing, Lindemann." She held her hands up in surrender.

"Alright, fine. I guess you just have naturally rock-hard, uncomfortable thighs…" If he were flexing, it definitely wasn't on purpose. He could feel the muscles in his legs twitching, as though his body were preparing to bolt at any moment. She turned her head slightly to look at him. He wished she wouldn't, painfully aware of just how close her face was to his groin. "So this is something little Erwin did on the regular? I can't see it."

"Perhaps you would if you considered that I was a boy no older than eight, and not a grown man. It didn't happen very often, but I did get hurt and upset… My father would stroke my hair, telling me everything was alright…" His expression softened as the bittersweet melancholy of nostalgia washed over him.

He vaguely remembered his father soothing him back to sleep that way when he woke up from nightmares, the silly, nonsensical bad dreams of a child who'd never known anything but joy and love. After his father's death, Erwin had gone to his aunt for the same kind of comfort, and though she sincerely tried, her hands and lap and voice were all so different that they usually just made him more upset. A warm, callused hand closing around his wrist snapped him from his reminiscing. Thomasin dragged his hand atop her head, folding her own across her stomach. For a moment, he just sat there dumbly, until he realized what she wanted. Finally, the question that had been simmering in the back of his mind for years would be answered.

He couldn't have hidden the grin that spread over his lips as he ran a hand over her hair if he'd tried. The mound of curls gave under the weight of his hand, springing back in place as soon as he lifted it to repeat the stroking motion. He'd thought it would feel coarse, but no- it was quite soft, the individual strands as fine as his hair, only darker and coiled as opposed to straight. Just like that, everything- his worries, his fears, the expedition, Lord Lobov, Levi- it all fell away. If there were an afterlife, this one moment stretching on for eternity would be his heaven, especially when Thomasin closed her eyes and breathed a small, contented sigh.

"Okay, I'll admit it- this is really nice. I've never done anything like this before."

"Really? Not even with your mother?" Her full lips thinned into straight line.

"No, my mom would sit next to me and rub my hand or leg when I didn't feel good." Erwin remembered the woman on his lap doing the same to him the few times she'd deigned to let him use her bed for a while. It made this situation feel a little less awkward, but it also brought up a question he couldn't believe he'd never asked her.

"Thomasin, does your mother look like you?"

"No, my mom was pretty. So pretty…" He wasn't expecting so much to be packed into such a small sentence so nonchalantly uttered. "She was pale like you, but she had long brown hair and eyes the color of moss. You know, the moss that grows on the side of trees?"

"Lichen," he informed her, and she nodded as best she could.

"I would tell her that and she'd say 'they're green', and I'd say 'no, like moss' and she'd say 'moss is green', and that would go on forever because I didn't know the color I was thinking of was 'gray'…" That sounded like a sweet memory to him, but looking down at Thomasin revealed no smile curving her lips, no bittersweet joy in her eyes… but no sorrow, either. Her face was an apathetic blank. She turned slightly to better face him. "Do you know any lullabies?" Such an odd question that he had to wrack his mind for a few seconds before he could answer her.

"None that I remember, sorry. My father wasn't the singing sort." He paused, wondering what brought this up. "Do you?"

"Kind of…" She closed her eyes, inhaling… but did not open her mouth. She hummed instead, lips pressed tightly together, the sound from her throat clear. It was a short melody, probably not even thirty seconds long, and would have been even shorter if it didn't repeat slightly, but it was pretty. Erwin allowed himself to openly smile at the woman laying in his lap, emboldened by her still shut eyes.

"What a lovely song… Did you mother sing that to you?"

"Kind of."

"Do you know the words?" Thomasin opened her eyes, immediately locking onto his pale gaze. The smile instinctively slipped from his lips.

"…no. I don't remember my mom ever 'singing'- she just kind of hummed… I don't think she knew them either…" She lifted her head slightly. "You think that's something the king took away? Some old family tradition from the outside world?" Erwin frowned thoughtfully.

"It's possible… but I don't think so. Why attribute to malice what can be explained simply by the passage of time? Maybe she never learned the words. Maybe she knew the words and just forgot; I don't remember any of the songs I heard when I was a child." Thomasin let her head fall back to his thigh, sighing.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Not surprised about you, though; you don't seem like the kind of person who pays attention to the arts." He scoffed, and allowed himself to lay down on the blanket, lacing his hands behind his head.

"Nursery rhymes and lullabies are not 'art'."

"You have an old soul, Erwin. A joyless, old man's soul." He laughed silently, and quiet descended on them, broken only occasionally by birdsong in the distance and the faint rustling of leaves as the wind blew.

"Thomasin?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you hum that song again?"

"Why?"

"It's nice. Maybe I can remember this one."

He heard her huff, but it was followed by silence. And more silence. And more silence yet, until he began to wonder if maybe he wasn't crossing some unspoken boundary. Maybe that song was something special between her and her mother and she didn't want to share it with him. He barely heard her inhale over his own thoughts, but he stopped thinking when a quiet hum filled the air.

~o0o~

His dreams that night were uniquely pleasant for once, no stress dreams of him looking for the commander or his squad mates in an endless corridor of doors, no twisted memories of Titans tearing his fellow Scouts in half… This time, there was only an endless sea of soft green grass below and clear blue skies above, the warmth of summer mild compared to the heat where he and Thomasin's bodies touched, bare skin to bare skin, her breasts pressed flat against his chest as he half lay atop her, his hand moving between her legs, drawing out ragged breaths and moans and desperate cries of his name. Her own hands remained decidedly above the waist, one caressing his arm, tracing the dips and curves of his muscles, while the other pulled his head down to hers, holding him against her sweet mouth as she ran her fingers over the fuzz of his undercut, toying with the longer strands above it.

"Mmm… Erwin…" Grinding against her hip, he reveled in exploring her hot mouth, her hot folds, barely noticing the wet heat pooling around his knees until it almost reached his calves. Pulling away, he looked down, taking in the sight of two freshly bleeding stumps pumping out more blood than any human had within them with the kind of dull surprise one only felt in dreams. The blue sky had gone away, leaving them stranded in the freezing rain just outside the forest, with no ODM gear. The woman below him had gone ashen, the downpour washing all her blood away, her eyes glassy in agony even as she continued moaning his name longingly, "Erwin… Erwin…!", her hips rolling beneath him, her center hot and wet against his thigh, the only warmth left in her…

Erwin's eyes snapped open as he awoke fully, gasping and drenched in a cold sweat even as his hips bucked, caught in the midst of the orgasm that had awakened him. Biting back a groan, he stroked himself through the uncomfortably damp cloth, too tired and distressed for the jolts of pleasure to be anything but an annoyance. When he'd finally spilled several weeks' worth of pent up seed (and was certain there'd be a damp spot on his sheets), he stripped off his now ruined pajamas and underwear, wiping himself off and tossing them aside to deal with in the morning.

The sky was still dark enough that it could be considered night, but even as his breathing and erratically pounding heart finally calmed, he doubted he'd fall asleep within a reasonable hour. Now, there wasn't time to unpack everything that was wrong with that dream, so he simply tried to convince himself that he'd just made himself paranoid earlier talking about Levi killing him. Obviously he was more worried the dark-haired man would hurt Thomasin… which was why there hadn't been a single stab or slash on her, just the macerated flesh left behind from a Titan attack.

'It's almost the anniversary of that expedition, that's it…' As grim a reminder as it was, it was also comforting. For all the things that could go wrong beyond the walls, at least the person he cared most about remained safely inside them. A little bird, protected in its cage. Maybe one day, if he and the other Scouts cleared away all the big scary threats, it would be safe for her to fly out and join the rest of their flock once more. Falling back asleep didn't take nearly as long as he'd thought.

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The air within Shiganshina was hard to breathe, thick and humid even though the only remnants of yesterday's rain were the shallow puddles far enough in the shade to have evaporated completely. For the first time since he'd joined the Survey Corps, Erwin was part of the vanguard, only the length of about five or six horses away from the commander himself. The streets were lined with bystanders, not a single face he wanted to see, but dozens upon dozens of eyes that were all judging him. He could do nothing but sit perfectly straight and tall in his saddle, his cloak and jacket hiding the sweat already soaked through his freshly pressed shirt, the thin linen sticking uncomfortably to the small of his back and under his arms. Even as the massive gears groaned to life and Commander Shadis' voice rang out, it was hard to focus on anything but the itch as beads of sweat ran down his neck, his temples.

"Today, we take one more step forward! Cadets, show me what you learned in training! Teach these monsters the power of the human race!" The outer gate finally locked in place with a clunk they could all feel deep inside by the base of their spines. "All troops! ADVANCE!" Letting his horse rear up- had to put on a show for the taxpayers- the commander led their charge through the gate.

As soon as Wall Maria was behind him, Erwin could breathe a bit easier. There was little natural breeze, but riding at a canter created enough wind to at least dry the hair that had been clinging to his brow. The rest of his squad rode several rows behind him- in order to allow for the greatest maximum distance in his long-distance formation, he would be splitting them into pairs, one joining the front line scouts and the other to help guard the convoy. Hange had proven that they were adept at improvising when everything went to hell, but there was a gleam in their eye sometimes that left him positive that, one day, they were going to run off on their own. Cecile would be ensuring they didn't try something stupid like that as soon as his back was turned for more than a few hours. This expedition would take a minimum of three days, and he'd have very little opportunity in that time to keep an eye on anyone.

Despite the day being as clear as it was, there were few Titans to be seen. They'd ridden for just over two hours, just beginning to pass the forest that had claimed so many hopes and lives, when they spotted their first Titans. Or rather, when it spotted them, a lanky fifteen-meter stripping the bark off every tree it brushed past as it ambled towards their convoy. If it charged, they would have no time to engage evasive maneuvers, and any attempts to flee would just result in their supplies being destroyed.

"Convoy, advance to the supply point! Vanguard, with me!" the commander yelled, his deep voice barely audible over the thundering of hooves and the clatter of wagons. Unholstering his handles, Erwin locked his blades in place, hearing the metallic scraping and clicking of a dozen other soldiers behind him doing the same thing. "Trevors! Lead Team B as a distraction. Smith, you and Team A flank it and take it down! Switch to ODM- don't let it out of the forest!"

"Yes sir!" He'd already climbed atop his saddle, hooks sinking into the nearest tree and pulling him up a good twelve meters, the subsection of the vanguard he was now leading following suit.

"What are we doing, Smith?" Using the trees as cover, they swung around behind the lumbering creature, its focus entirely on the morsels swinging in front of it. From the corner of his eye, Erwin thought he saw something run through the trees, but it wasn't coming at them, so it wasn't a problem he needed to deal with yet.

"Charleigh- you, Dan and Alex, take out its left arm, at the elbow. Ross, Lukas and Anna- take out the right. I'll sever the spine, and whoever is still alive, subjugate it!"

"Sir! Yes sir!"

With their targets locked, they moved like a being of a single mind. It took four concentrated slices for the right arm to go limp, though that did little to stop the Titan from swinging its now useless arm about as a flail. Erwin heard a scream and a crunch before he managed to drive his blades deep enough into the thick flesh of its back for its legs to give out. Detaching his blades to leave them embedded in the creatures' spinal column to hopefully buy them a few more seconds, he joined the efforts at the left arm, flesh blades severing tendons and sinew in the shoulder as Captain Alex hacked away the last bit of bone connecting its lower arm to the upper. It was already growing back, but not fast enough to stop Ross from making his way up to its neck, cutting out the chunk of flesh that caused it to finally go limp. Holstering his swords, Erwin called his horse over, making his way to where Commander Shadis was kneeling beside Hilde Cohen who, thankfully, was still moving at least, writhing about on the ground in agony.

"Sir?" The older man barely glanced at him.

"Cohen's got a boo-boo. We don't need you here, Smith- go see what that commotion outside was." Hilde's hand reached after him weakly as he tried to pass, her eyes wide and glassy with pain, already pale complexion quickly turning a sickly gray.

"Fucking kill me, please!"

"Go, Smith," Shadis told him harshly. "Walk it off, Cohen- it's just a broken arm." Her arm was backwards from the elbow down, a thick shard of jagged bone poking out through the skin. There was nothing Erwin could do for her, except maybe see if one of the medics wasn't too far away. Wincing as the bright sun pierced his eyes, his heart jolted for one terrible moment as he saw another Titan, this one even larger, probably twenty meters, its movements erratic.

He didn't have long to fear, however, as a petite, dark-haired man swung up to its nape, his movements so controlled and effortless that he seemed weightless. Even paring out a section of skin and muscle, there was something grotesquely beautiful about the way Levi handled a blade. If he had been watching from outside his body, Erwin probably would have thought the same watching the shorter man trying to kill him. As the Titan fell and the dark-haired man rejoined his companions, a familiar smile tugged at Erwin's lips, almost predatory. 'So your wings are the real thing after all, Levi… Let's hope we don't have to clip them…'

~o0o~

They'd racked up three causalities and one injury that ran the risk of being life threatening before they'd even reached their first supply point. By the time they reached their base outside the walls, the body count had grown to five, with two more injuries. Not the worst thing ever, but given that there were still two more days to go on this expedition, it wasn't the best start. As Erwin fed and rubbed down his horse, his squad approached him, Hange tugging at his jacket like an overly hyper child.

"Did you see him? Did you see him?!"

"See who?"

"Your thug." Horace leaned against the low brick wall of their makeshift stables. "Tarlet's saying he killed a Titan."

"Not by himself." The other two, Isabel and Furlan, had their hooks in the creature's bleeding legs when he'd left the forest, so Erwin could only assume that they'd worked together to take the Titan down. Even so, it was quite an accomplishment for a group of barely trained new recruits. Cecile's jaw dropped.

"So it's true? A group of criminals took down a twenty-meter Abnormal on their first mission?"

"Commander Keith needs to drag them to every Training Corps recruitment from now on." Frey's voice was light, but his dark eyes were serious. "It's a decent kick in the pants- 'These people had no formal training and they took down a Titan; what's stopping you?'." Hange could not join the adults in rational discussion, too busy giggling and squealing and bouncing on the balls of their feet with barely contained excitement.

"I have to learn… I have to learn his Titan slaying techniques…!" They tried to run off, but Erwin pulled them back by their collar, paying no mind to the strangled gag that came as a result. When they turned to throw him a betrayed scowl, he thrust his bag into their arms.

"You're not learning anything right now. We have third watch- set up your bedroll and mine. I have to speak with Commander Shadis." They grumbled.

"Why can't you set up the bedrolls and let me talk with the Commander…"

"Who would want to talk to Shadis?" Cecile couldn't keep the sneer out of her voice. "He's a joyless asshole."

"N-no he's not." Hange stumbled over their words. "I mean, you'd be pretty joyless too if you worked so hard for so long and couldn't make any progress against the Titans…"

"Why are you always jumping to defend him?" Horace asked with a frown.

"I'm not!"

"Yeah, you kind of are..."

"Hange, do you have a crush on the Commander?" Frey's voice was incredulous.

"What!? No!"

"You're beet red! You do!" The bespectacled soldier's face reddened as if it had been filled with boiling water. Erwin cursed his luck- to have to leave his squad now of all times.

"All of you, that's enough. Stop picking on Hange…" Three faces fell as the subject of their sure-to-be-merciless teasing stared at him with a reverent gaze. "…and wait for me to come back so I can join in, too." The older soldiers let out a cheer as their youngest comrade buried their still red face in their hands. With a slight grin, the Erwin pulled a smaller copy of his formation from his saddlebag and made his way inside the ruined castle.

Most of the Scouts not completing tasks outside had already set up their bedrolls and were now eating dinner with their squads, as much as stale field rations and water could be considered "dinner".

"Smith, there you are." The commander was standing beside one of the many rusted portcullis that, at one point in time, may have stopped invaders from heading deeper into the castle. Trotting over to the other man, they headed into the hall where the Corps' makeshift meeting room had been set up several months ago.

"Apologies, sir. I was waylaid by my squad."

"Problems?"

"Only in the vaguest sense, and of the personal variety. Nothing that would compromise the mission." The torches in the wall sconces had already been replaced and lit, filling the otherwise dreary corridor with an inviting glow, illuminating the thick motes of dust that filled the air before them.

The castle was surprisingly massive, with many false rooms and dead ends that made navigating it an ordeal. One day, perhaps, they would make a map, but as it stood, all they needed were a few rooms. The room that had been chosen for discussing their expeditions away from the lower ranking soldiers was one of the few with windows, or at least, slits built into the stone that allowed a modicum of star and moonlight into the darkness. Shadis had already lit a torch, and there were a group of crates set up beside the wall to serve as makeshift table and chairs.

"So you saw them take down an Abnormal?"

"I saw Levi land the killing blow, but it seemed the other two assisted."

"And you still don't want to change their position?" The commander sat down on one of the crates, and after thinking it over for a moment, Erwin followed suit.

"I've already accounted for his… talents, which is why I have Flagon's squad stationed between Mike's and a front line squad consisting of two of my own squad mates. Frey Harlow, Horace Müller and Mike himself each have special flares to fire off in case they see any of our recruits breaking formation."

"And you think that'll reach us in time?" He allowed himself to heave the high that had been building in his chest.

"I can only hope, sir. By way of his skill alone, Levi is serving as a source of hope and inspiration within our ranks. If the Scouts see him as someone to look up to, I won't rip that away from them for something as meaningless as my own safety. …that being said, sir, if he succeeds in killing me, I suggest you let him make it past this row-" He pointed to the final row of wagons- "-before attempting to subdue him. If he runs out of gas beyond the walls, that would be just as much a death sentence as a bullet to the back of the head." Shadis laughed humorlessly.

"You've got every scenario planned out, don't you, Smith?"

"Not in the slightest, sir. I don't even know what's going to become of Captain Malory after this expedition." The older man's heavy brow furrowed in anger, the lines around his mouth and eyes carving deeper into his face.

"He'll face a military tribunal and, if he's lucky, he'll spend the rest of his life rotting in a prison cell under the chancellery. I don't look lightly on treason, and neither does the Premier." With his elbows on the largest crate, Erwin folded his hands, resting his chin atop the interlaced fingers.

"In that case, shouldn't I face a tribunal as well, sir? I have been hiding this information from you for several months." Shadis' anger turned to distaste.

"What're playing at, Smith? Trying to reclaim your title as 'St. Erwin' by getting martyred? 'Cause it ain't happening. I'm not going to be left holding the bag and cleaning up your messes while you're getting three meals a day in jail." His expression turned serious once more. "You're sure those documents have gotten to Zachary?"

"I left them in hands I trust as much as my own, Commander. They're probably on his desk as we speak." He reached into his jacket's interior pocket, pulling out an envelope almost identical to the one he'd left with Thomasin several months ago. "If Levi kills me but doesn't go after this, then his vendetta against me is personal, and it may be prudent to let him remain in the Corps."

"Are you crazy, Smith?! You want us to leave a murderer in the Survey Corps?" Getting to his feet, the blonde man shrugged a bit.

"I'm only saying, sir, that if his motive isn't political, then in my opinion, it's completely justifiable. I did, kind of, hunt him and his friends for sport…"

~o0o~

After going over a few more variables in the formation, the commander dismissed Erwin, leaving him to head out to the "common area" on his own. His mind tried to create dozens of scenarios for how the expedition would go tomorrow, and unfortunately for him, every branching path he could come up with at the moment was ending in disaster. He was just preparing for the worst, he told himself, even though that assurance did nothing to stop the sour taste of bile from blooming on his tongue.

He was so preoccupied by his own dreadful thoughts that he barely noticed Levi loitering in the corridor until he'd practically run over the other man. He kept his expression a perfectly cultivated blank, though his grim thoughts all turned at once to suspicion. 'What are you and your lackeys plotting now…?' Though he kept his tone neutral, Erwin didn't bother with "bullshit" niceties.

"What are you doing here alone, Levi? Where are your subordinates?"

"They're not my 'subordinates'…" the shorter man groused.

"… I see." He wasn't even going to attempt to make an excuse, just refuse to answer. That was fine. The section commander continued walking, pausing after he'd already passed Levi and stood closer to the archway leading to the common area. If a blade came at him from the dark, a room full of Scouts with blades of their own nearby were going to hear it immediately.

"Are you enjoying your taste of the world beyond the walls thus far?" Cold gray eyes glanced at him for a moment before returning to the more interesting sight of the filthy stone at their feet.

"It's not terrible. Could do without all the mindless freaks… and the Titans." Thomasin would have found that quite hilarious, he was sure, which made Erwin even less amused than he normally would have been.

"I'd call us 'single-minded' rather than mindless."

"You don't take offense to the 'freaks' bit?"

"That's apt. The Survey Corps attracts people of a certain… disposition." Levi gave him a pointed look.

"Is that what you call that stick up your ass? A 'disposition'?" It took every fiber of his iron will not to roll his eyes until they popped out of his skull. As much as Erwin wanted to… honestly, just go anywhere the shorter man wasn't, there was one other thing he wanted to say to him.

"Your fight today was brilliant. Defeating an Abnormal so easily on your first expedition… I'm sure having a natural like you around will make the others feel safe."

And there it was, a reaction. The taller man hadn't known what kind of reaction those words would draw, be it ire or annoyance or maybe even cold indifference, but he needed to see what Levi thought about the notion of people other than his friends depending on him in any sort of way. And when he glanced up, though his expression had been fleeting, Erwin knew those widened eyes, that furrowed brow, those slightly parted lips anywhere. How many times had that same burgeoning fear unwittingly flitted across his own features before he managed to beat it back? And while Levi's features soon returned to their unreadable blank, his eyes remained darkened by a soul-deep weariness.

"…there was a soldier who fought it first and got eaten. I figured out how to fight that Titans because I watched how it moved while it was eating him…"

"I see…" So that was it. For all his nonchalance, even a hardened criminal was shaken to the core upon seeing another human be devoured, even a human who was nothing to them. "The Survey Corps was built upon countless such sacrifices. There are still too many things we don't know about the world, much less the world beyond the walls…" He turned to face the other man fully, his eyes chips of ice. "But if it means taking back the world for humanity, I'm sure none of them regret dedicating their hearts, or their lives to that cause. Not. One."

Levi pulled a face, but Erwin did not avert his gaze, silently daring him to act. 'Kill me, fool; you won't accomplish anything…' Both men may have remained in that dusty corridor for hours, staring one another down, had Levi's redheaded companion not rushed in, claiming she had just finished changing despite her blouse bearing the same stain that it had when they arrived at the castle. Erwin watched them walk away together, wondering if they realized how obvious they were. No, it was clear the blonde one was the brains of their little outfit, and he wasn't as smart as he thought himself, either. Seeking out his squad, he found Cecile speaking to a few members of Squad Nine. She turned her attention fully to him when she caught sight of his expression.

"What's wrong, Section Commander?"

"Has anyone been guarding our bags?" Her brows furrowed in confusion.

"From what?" His lips twisted into a wry grin.

"Nothing. Thank you, Cecile. Carry on." So, even with a potential room full of witnesses, they were looking through a section commander's belongings. They must be desperate. He didn't like the idea of a proverbial animal backed into a corner coming after him, but he wasn't about to back down when they were right on the cusp of discovery.

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A/N- Ha, you wouldn't believe how much trouble that picnic scene gave me. It took, I kid you not, about two months for me to figure out a way to end it. When I hit a writer's block, I hit it hard (totally not foreshadowing anything). Well, I hope you're all enjoying the story thus far. This fic seems to be getting a lot more traffic recently- I guess y'all really like Levi, as do I (though I don't know what you're hoping he'll add to the story, and I'm already dreading not living up to some peoples' expectations on what's going to happen. Oh well, can't please everyone, heh).