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Ch.27- "Normality"
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They could hear the bells before the gate even came into view, that low knell swallowing the groan of the chains as they locked, taut, in place. Erwin tried to keep his eyes forward as he rode back into Trost, but he could not stop himself glancing over to the forest of faces looking up at him. The people of Trost usually didn't pay the Survey Corps much mind; it was always the citizens of Shiganshina who lined up to watch them trudge back to their base, to whisper and grouse about their wasted tax dollars.
He definitely heard whispers, plenty of them, like a hive of angry bees, but so far, no insults reached him. The whir of cables and faint scent of iceburst exhaust preceded a pair of Garrison soldiers landing a short ways away from him. If it weren't for the sun reflecting off his bald head, he might not have recognized Pixis. Erwin hoped he'd still be capable of vertically maneuvering when he was in his sixties, but if the pain in his knees as he dismounted was anything to go by, that was too dear a dream.
"Commander Pixis."
"Commander Erwin. How went the expedition?" The Garrison commander knew full well how the mission went; this was for the benefit of the people. The crowd was pushing in their eagerness to get closer, to be the first to hear. He could hear them inhaling as they held their breath. He inhaled deeply as well, holding his breath for the span of one, two heartbeats…
"The mission was a success. The first cache has been laid, and the route to retake Wall Maria is officially underway!" His voice hung in the air for all of a second, before it was swallowed by the deafening cheer that rang out. Erwin held his steed's reins taut to keep him from starting, though he still pawed the ground in agitation. The other horses were beginning to panic as well- they were trained to deal with Titans, not crowds of screaming humans. Pixis' mustache all but obscured his mouth, but the multitude of lines around his eyes deepened as he smiled.
"I look forward to reading your report."
"Yes, I-"
"We're finally gonna be able to go home!"
"You're gonna kill every last one of those naked bastards, right?!"
"Take back Wall Maria!" He sighed, but couldn't help the smallest of smiles from tugging at his lips.
"-I'll fill you in as soon as I'm able." Slipping his foot into the stirrup, Erwin hazarded a glance behind him as he pulled himself into the saddle. Some of the younger Scouts- as well as Hange- were waving at the crowd, beaming smiles on their own faces, their excitement only feeding the cheers and shouts. So this was what it felt like to be adored…
~o0o~
With their first supply cache set and their casualties at less than five percent, even the Assembly was forced to concede that their expedition was an overwhelming success. They would be granted more funding, almost on par with the Garrison engineers, and for the first time in years, the atmosphere within the Survey Corps was more than just hopeful; it was downright optimistic. Good news traveled almost as quickly as bad, and by the time he began making the rounds of the Training Corps camps for proper recruitment, word of this first step on the path to victory preceded him, and his speeches were met with far less mistrusting whispers.
The fact that he returned to base with fifty more cadets in total felt more like a fluke than anything, the excited whispers of the Scouts as Greta and Horace led them to the barracks setting him ill at ease. Things rarely ever went so well, and the knowledge that, the moment one thing went wrong, everything else could easily come crumbling down atop them was an ever-present icy hand, clawing at his back. Mike, however, thought that was ridiculous, and informed him as such.
"Are you honestly gonna sit there and say that good things do not happen? Ever?"
"Of course not. I'm simply saying that good things are balanced out by bad things. The better fortune one has, the worse tragedies will befall them in the end." Mike dangled his half-empty bottle of beer between two fingers, and Erwin watched its pendulous motion like a hawk, just waiting for it to slip and spill all over his carpet…
"…really now? And, uh… what's your grand scientific reasoning for thinking that?"
"Experience- could you please either hold that bottle properly or set it down?" Rolling his eyes, the taller man downed the rest of his beer in two large gulps, but continued dangling the empty bottle.
"So you experience some coincidences-"
"Once is a coincidence. Twice is happenstance. Multiple times is a pattern."
"Yeah, a pattern of random coincidences." Mike pushed himself to his feet, sauntering behind Erwin to look out the window- or rather, smell out the window, if his flaring nostrils were any indication. "Look, Erwin, I know your life's been kind of shitty. You don't talk about it, but it's one of those things you can just tell from a person… You're probably used to bad things happening, so you just started expecting bad things to happen; that way, you can't be caught off guard." He glanced back at the other man. "Bad things happen, but not 'cause there's some grand scale that needs to be balanced. That colossal Titan's not gonna show up just because we had a successful mission. You need to relax."
There was something in Mike's expression that was uncannily similar to Levi's and Thomasin's, an aloofness that was the same, and yet, not at all the same. The downward tilt of Levi's lips spoke to an underlying annoyance, whereas Thomasin's oft listless gaze hinted at a pervasive boredom. Mike wasn't bored or annoyed; he always seemed… wholly unconcerned. Only in the direst of situations would his brows furrow or a scowl thin his lips. No matter what was on his mind, Erwin didn't think himself capable of exuding such nonchalance. He envied the other man…
"I can't," he said quietly, almost bitter. "Bad things happen, and it is my duty to be prepared for those bad things. If the Colossal Titan did appear, our successful mission would be for naught. We've never even seen the thing in person; how would we combat it? If it's so much larger than anything we've ever encountered, would it even have the same weak spot? And what of the so-called 'Armored' Titan? These are all things I need to-"
"Shh…" Mike did not move from where he stood, but reached out a long arm, setting his hand atop Erwin's head and rubbing his scalp in a gentle massage. "These aren't things you need to worry about on your own; these are things you need to discuss with your ranking officers. But not now. Because right now, you're just gonna contaminate everyone else with your crazy. Hope and confidence are just as important to our success as any plan." Erwin sighed quietly, letting his eyes slip shut as he leaned into the other man's touch.
"…why can't you be the commander?"
"Because I'm not you. Me? I'd be a slightly more effective Shadis. I couldn't come up with a better formation. I sure as hell couldn't convince any cadets to join; I lack your way with words."
"Brevity is the soul of wit."
"I'm not witty. I just don't have much to say." Mike sighed as well, a loud, heavy breath that came from deep in his chest. "I have good ideas here and there, but… I'm not you. I can't lead. I can't inspire. You? You were born for this role, Erwin." He turned in his seat, gazing up at the other man. With the sun casting a glow, however faint, around him, he looked so much like he had when Erwin had first seen him, twisting through the air on his ODM gear like some kind of god.
"…you know, Thomasin is convinced I'm in love with you, and when you say things like that, I kind of understand where she's coming from."
"You're not in love with me; you're in love with the idea of me."
"I mean, we're both single-"
"You're not single."
"-attractive-" Mike glanced back at him, and scoffed.
"Pft, you wish you were up to my standards. I'm not attracted to cowards." Erwin laughed despite himself. He deserved that. There was a softer look in Mike's slate eyes as he turned to face his commander, a fondness. "…my sister's getting married next week."
"And you want the day off?"
"Obviously. Why else would I come here?"
"Because you enjoy my company oh so much?" he mused wryly as he fished out a schedule change form. He'd just begun filling out the name of the requester when the deep voice behind him gave him pause.
"Come with me." By the time he realized he'd left the pen on the paper, a sizable blob of ink had bled out.
"You must be a terrible brother to want to crash your poor sister's wedding with an uninvited guest."
"…how would you be uninvited; I'm literally inviting you now."
"You know what I mean."
Mike finally left his sentinel, sitting on the corner of the desk. Erwin held his breath, waiting for the whole thing to tip and send all his paperwork flying, but thankfully, the mahogany behemoth weighed more than the behemoth of a man perched on its edge.
"You need to relax. A change in scenery will do you some good. And trust me, you will not be crashing anything." He smirked. "My mom would love to ingratiate herself with my boss."
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There were two so-called "Factory cities" within Wall Rose, and another somewhere in Wall Sina. They were located in the more isolated regions to deter attacks from dissidents, but no city planner could account for Mike's nose. As he led Erwin off the beaten trail northwest of Yarkle, he raised his arm suddenly, pointing somewhere up above the trees. Erwin frowned as he scanned the skyline, not certain what he was supposed to be looking at… until he saw it. Thin wisps of bluish gray smoke, almost imperceptible against the sky.
"They're smelting iron, right? How can they produce so little smoke?"
"Hell if I know. Dad says they burn the smoke, whatever that means. All I know is they don't burn it good enough. Shit used to drive me crazy when I was a kid." As they continued walking, he pulled his shirt over his nose. "We used to live in the city, but my mom brought me out here when I was… I don't even know how old."
"It's amazing, though. If the concept of ODM gear could be conceived in a factory like that, just imagine what other technical wonders are being thought of and developed as we speak…" Mike scoffed.
"They're not developing shit; the Crown doesn't even allow alterations to the design of ODM gear. There haven't been any new developments in weapons engineering in almost forty years." Erwin frowned as he thought on the other man's words. It was a bit odd when one thought about it…
The ODM gear had first been put into production over fifty years ago, and in that time, only minimal changes had been made to it. Surely, if someone put enough effort into redesigning it, they could make it more fuel efficient, make the fan blades less prone to breaking, the hooks less likely to jam… But then again…
"The Crown is probably cutting their funding, just like they've been cutting ours for the past twenty years. Now that Titans are suddenly a threat again, I wouldn't be surprised if all sorts of new weapons started being developed."
"Yeah, for Wall Sina," Mike muttered under his breath. "Gotta make sure the King is safe instead of, you know… the people actually doing the fighting."
"I'd rather the Interior MPs test any new weapons first- let them deal with the accidental discharges while they're ironing out the kinks."
It didn't take long to spot the first houses along the barely there trail they walked, cottages crafted of a mix of stone and split logs. Brightwood was a tiny hamlet comprised solely of the families of the factory city laborers, seeing as one needed special clearance to actually be allowed within the city limits. It felt deserted in spite of the distant sound of voices and music.
"Everyone's already at home…" Mike closed his eyes, tilting his head back to better sniff the air. They snapped open almost instantly. "Cake…!" He blew past the other man at a full run, vanishing around a corner in a matter of seconds.
"Wait!" Erwin groaned, having no choice but to follow at a more… dignified pace, walking around the low wooden fences rather than vaulting over them as his lieutenant did. As the sounds of people talking and laughing and singing grew louder, he was suddenly stricken with an awkwardness he hadn't felt in years. He didn't have long to dwell on it, however, as Mike poked his head back around the corner, glaring at him with a furious impatience.
"Come on! We're gonna miss the cake!"
"If I didn't know any better, Michaelis, I'd say you only came home to stuff your face…"
"Damn straight, and once you taste what my mom is capable of, you'll understand why."
The Zacharias home was one of the larger residences, with two floors as opposed to one. When Mike said "everyone" was at home, it seemed he really did mean everyone in the hamlet. The clearing behind the house was filled with dozens of people, men and women and children of all ages. It reminded Erwin of the gala he'd attended years ago, albeit far humbler. It didn't completely overwhelm the senses like the gala had, but standing there amidst all these strangers in his dress greens felt uncomfortably similar his first day of school. Mike was not nearly as patient as his father had been, though, grabbing his elbow and dragging him around the perimeter of the crowd, aiming for a table piled high with bowls and plates and enough baked goods to put any bakery to shame.
"Okay, first I eat, then we go find-"
"MOMMA! MIKE'S HOME!" The loudest voice he'd ever heard cut through the rest of the cacophony like a ultra-hardened steel blade. His ears still ringing, Erwin turned, wondering who this human pipe organ was and if they could give him lessons. He was met with the sight of a girl in a pale blue dress skipping up to them. She stopped short, looking up at Erwin. She didn't have far to look- youthful as her face was, she stood at least 170 centimeters. "Mike! This yer boyfriend!? He's beautiful…"
"…he's not my boyfriend…"
"So he's single?" With a wicked grin that looked exactly like the kind Mike would wear, she sidled up to the commander, practically rubbing against him. "Hi… I'm Clarisse~"
"Yer a fukken parasite, is what you are!" Mike grabbed her shoulders and roughly shoved her away, earning a cackle. "Git! Like a gottdamn cat in heat…" He let out a sharp breath through his nose, like a raging bull, slowly realizing the side eye his "boss" was giving him. "…if you tell anyone you heard me talk like that, there won't be enough of you to bury."
"I think your natural accent is charming."
"I hate you so much, Smith…"
"Mike! Mike, baby, there you are!" The taller of the men groaned miserably, but Erwin's barely contained snickers were quickly cut short as he noticed who as approaching. A woman in her early fifties, maybe. Between the sandy blonde hair streaked with gray, the slate eyes, and the prominent nose, the resemblance between Mike and his mother was striking. She rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist in a tight hug that he immediately returned. Her head barely reached his chest, so clearly she was not the source of height in the family. Pulling away, she smacked her son on the arm. "Why didn' you tell me you were bringin' a guest, boy?"
"It was a last-minute thing, momma- I didn't have time to write." Erwin bowed his head, regretting agreeing to this more by the second.
"Forgive my intrusion, ma'am. If you'd like me to leave, I would gladly-"
"Oh, lord no! Don' think for a second you aren' welcome, Erwin; I just don' wanna run out of food." He blinked, confusion twisting his features.
"You… know me?" The older woman gave him a warm smile.
"Well, of course I do; I recognize you from Mike's letters."
"Mike told you about me…?"
"He tells us everything 'bout what happens in the Survey Corps."
"Yeah, all the borin' stuff," Clarisse groused, frowning at her brother. "Who cares 'bout 'supply caches'; you shoulda been tellin' us 'bout all the handsome men you work with!"
"Hush girl; yer too young to be thinkin' 'bout 'handsome men'," Mrs. Zacharias snapped, her gaze softening as she looked back up at Erwin. "Oh, you must be exhausted, havin' t' come all the way up from Trost only t' put up with this nonsense." The smile that had been growing on his face as he watched the family squabble reached its apex, leaving his cheeks feeling sore.
"No, it's wonderful. You have a beautiful home and a lovely family. I am honored that you would allow me to be a part of this occasion." Mrs. Zacharias placed her hand over her heart.
"Handsome and well-spoken… Mike, you sure this ain't yer boyfriend?"
"Yes, momma," the lieutenant groaned.
"Well, why not?!"
"I keep telling you- I don't like men."
"Well, you'd best start likin' someone, boy, 'cause I ain't keepin' yer marriage fund for much longer! Yer past thirty, Michaelis!"
"So? I keep tellin' you to spend it. I don't need it. I don't want it. I'm not gettin' married!" Turning on his heel, Mike stormed down the table, snatching up a plate and beginning the process of piling it high. His mother shook her head.
"Foolishness… I hope he ain't this stubborn with you, Erwin." He quickly swallowed his poorly-repressed snickers, his expression far more solemn though the hint of a smile remained.
"No… Mike is easily the most dependable, stalwart companion I've ever had. I wouldn't be where I am today without him…"
Erwin had never seen a wedding before, had never even considered what one might look like. He doubted they were all like this; surely a great many of them happened inside chapels or the manors of the wealthy elites, but Brightwood was so small, there wasn't even a parish. There was a church inside the city, but they required special permission for entry and rarely granted it for non-military purposes. Mike had been right about the "change of scenery". Everything about this hamlet was different from what he was used to in Trost, not just the hills and forests, but the people. Everyone looked so… happy.
Their joyful voices rose above the dulcet tones of the mandolin and concertina playing some folksy song for the bride and groom to dance to. He couldn't imagine the upper echelons of society making such a raucous, or giving such wet, public kisses, but it was nice to pretend, if only for a moment, that this kind of happiness could be found everywhere. After giving his sister a tight hug and presenting the happy couple with his gift- a box of expensive tea from the city- Mike dropped back down at the table beside Erwin, a second massive slice of cake dense with spiced fruit balanced precariously on the edge of his overloaded plate.
"Well? Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Immensely. Thank you, Mike. You were right- I did need this."
"I know. Gotta remember why we do it." Despite his mouth practically overflowing with cake, Mike's face was grim. "If Wall Rose falls, all this goes away. It's not even about the Titans killing anyone; a little east of Ehrmich is the only place iron bamboo grows. Even if the factory in Sina is still standing, once that resource is gone, so are all the weapons, so are all the jobs, so is all the money…"
That was true. Without the factory cities, there would be no more weapons, no more ODM gear… no more means of fighting the Titans. Humanity would have no choice but to simply wait out its extinction at that point.
"…do you think iron bamboo grows outside the walls?"
"Probably. I bet there's all sorts of amazing things out there…" Mike turned slightly, fixing Erwin with a grin that would have looked innocent enough had it not been for the wicked glint in his eyes. "But there are some pretty amazing things in here, too."
"Like what?" The grin vanished instantly.
" 'Like wha-'!" He gestured to the field, where most everyone was still dancing. "Fucking-! Look at it! Humanity! Living their lives! Falling in love- Getting! Married! I swear to god, Erwin, you are the stupidest man inside these walls…"
"Don't talk to me like that, Michaelis; I'll tell your mother on you."
"I'm not scared of her."
"Who's not scared of what?" Erwin bit back a snort of laughter as Mike stiffened, quickly cramming half of the cake in his mouth.
"Nothin', momma." Mrs. Zacharias' eyes narrowed as she looked behind him at the plate.
"…you know I didn't bake that whole damn cake for you." He swallowed hard.
"Momma, you can get sugar from Yarkle; we don't have anything like this in Trost yet. There's still levies on basic necessities."
"And? I don't see Erwin stuffin' his face with every gottdamn desert in sight. Y'know why? 'cause he's a good boy!" Erwin wasn't expecting those words to strike him as hard as they did, nor was he expecting the flood of guilt that accompanied them. Mike was far less touched.
"…momma. He's a military commander. You gotta stop being so familiar; show the man some respect."
"No no," he countered quickly. "I'm off-duty. By all means, be as familiar as you wish." She afforded him a warm smile before turning sharply to her son.
"You see? A good boy!" Mike groaned.
"Okay, if you wanted me to stop eating, mission accomplished; I've lost my appetite."
"Michaelis, take yer fool behind over to the pit and help yer daddy with the hog. Work off all that cake you ate." Another groan, but he was on his feet.
"Yes, ma'am…"
He shot one final, scathing glare at Erwin as the latter struggled to keep his laughter silent. His expression easily slipped into a mask of calm stoicism as the woman took her son's newly vacated seat. When she faced him again, there was an apologetic note in her smile.
"I really hope you don' mind us all bein' so informal towards ya; almost everyone in the region is cousins or in-laws, and Mike's just told us so much about you that it feels like yer part of the clan." Erwin smiled despite his throat growing tight.
"I don't mind it at all; I… I rather enjoy it, actually. It's… nice." Breathing deeply, he looked back out at the field, where plenty of people were still milling about, talking, eating, dancing.
Most of the children had dog piled Mike, and he now carried three on his back and one hugging each leg like an oversized boot as he trudged over to a large fire pit near the corner of the property. Erwin could easily picture him with a flock of his own children, slinging bales of hay or hammering away in a forge; this calm, peaceful life filled with warmth and love suited Mike much more than the bloodshed and horrors beyond the Walls, at least to him. A hand on his elbow pulled him from his musings.
"Somethin' wrong, baby?" Though slightly taken aback by such a term of endearment, he shook his head.
"No, I was just… thinking. I know why Mike joined the Survey Corps, but I suppose I'm just realizing I don't know why. I find it difficult to believe someone would give up such an idyllic life."
"Well, yer the same, ain't ya? I know plenty o' kids join the military for a better life, and maybe they think they'll find one outside the Walls, but for most of us this far in, life's pretty charmed, ain't it?" Her kindly smile faded as she too turned to watch her son. "You'd think that'd be enough, but for some people, it ain't. Some people got somethin' inside 'em- some kinda spark that's just… waitin' to turn into a flame- and they ain't ever gonna be happy 'til that spark catches fire. That's Michaelis; ever since he was a little thing, I knew he had that spark in him."
"You don't seem happy about that fact." She sighed, her face growing ever more morose.
"Well, see, that's the thing 'bout fire. It can be a wonderful, beautiful thing… but it can burn ya. It can burn ya 'til ain't nothin' left. And I don't want my baby to get burned. I know he's a grown man, I know he's an amazin' soldier, but… that's still my little boy… and I'm terrified that one 'o these days, it ain't gonna be him writin' us a letter, but you."
Her voice broke and she covered her mouth to stifle the choked sob that threatened to break through. Erwin quickly looked away, torn between wanting to comfort the poor woman and wanting to be literally anywhere else in that moment. There was nothing meaningful he could say, no promise that wouldn't ring false.
"Mike is one of the best soldiers the Survey Corps has ever known… and his position in the formation keeps him off the front line-"
"Oh, I know all that. He's long since been sayin' you work miracles t' keep him and th' other Scouts safe. 'St. Erwin', that's what he calls you." Erwin's lip twisted in distaste.
"…he does…?"
"Oh yes. But it don' matter how strong or smart anyone is- you can't escape death. You can run all you want- you can even juke it here or there… but it'll catch up one day… and that day'll come even faster if you keep ridin' out to meet it head on." A heavy silence hung between them, the joyful sounds of the party suddenly very far away. Mrs. Zacharias blinked, and forced herself to give a weak laugh and a strained smile. "Oh, don't pay me no mind, baby. I must sound like a- a cowardly old naysayer to you brave soldiers!"
"Would you be happy if Mike wasn't a soldier?" Erwin asked in a quiet voice, and Mrs. Zacharias' smile wavered.
"Of course… I'd be even happier if all th' Titans would just drop dead and the Walls would grow another sixty meters, too. I'd say that's just a mother's heart, but it ain't. Mike's sisters used to cry every night when he first went off to the Trainin' Corps. You can't rightly say you love someone and not worry 'bout 'em."
"Do you resent him for it?"
"For what?" He didn't even realize he'd spoken the words aloud until he heard his voice in his own ears, but he forced himself to continue speaking.
"For making you worry. For causing you so much undue sorrow and heartache." The older woman's eyes narrowed and she leaned closer to him. She so resembled her son in that moment that Erwin instinctively leaned back, instantly assuming she was trying to sniff out his emotions, but no. She was just assessing him visually. Her eyes were sharp, however, as sharp as Mike's nose, as a knowing grin deepened the lines around her lips.
"…lemme guess; yer afraid someone's resentin' you for making 'em worried?"
"It may not be full blown resentment, but I fear it may begin leaning that way…" That knowing smirk turned into a gaze so sympathetic, Erwin cast his gaze down to the table, focusing on the grain of the wood rather than how foolish he felt saying something like that aloud- and to a stranger, no less! An aged, but warm hand laid over his forearm, squeezing it slightly.
"Oh, bless yer heart… Well, I can't tell you how another person feels- 'specially a person I ain't never met before- but I can tell you how I feel. Sometimes… yeah. I do resent Mike for joinin' the Survey Corps. He writes 'bout swingin' 'round on them wires and barely escapin' Titans like- like it's a book we should be excited to turn the pages of. Every month, I hear 'bout how less and less Scouts come back. And it ain't like what they did with them poor Wall Maria folks- he ain't bein' forced; he chose this! He chose to leave Brightwood and make all of us worried! And I get so mad I just wanna scream, I just wanna shake him by the shoulders until some sense comes back to him…!" She paused for a moment to catch her breath. When she spoke again, her voice was much calmer, much more quiet.
"But then, I stop bein' mad, and I start bein' scared. Cuz that's what anger an' hate an' resentment are- it's all just fear. Michaelis is my little boy, my only son, my first born… I'm just afraid cuz I love him. And when I think about how much I love him, I think about how proud I am of him and that, as scared as I am, I know this is what he wants. The love and pride don't outweigh the fear anymore than the fear outweighs the love and pride." She sighed. "Oh lord, I'm ramblin' on and on, and ain't sayin' nothin'…"
"No. You've said a great deal, and I understand what you mean." Erwin sighed as well, twining his fingers together and resting his chin atop them. "Love is a complex thing…"
"That it is… that it is. But it's a wonderful thing, too. All those feelin's it stirs up; nothin' else can make you feel so alive. …I take it this person yer fussin' over ain't Michaelis?" Erwin gave her a rueful smile.
"I'm afraid not." She heaved an overly dramtic sigh.
"What a shame; I was lookin' forward to havin' such a smart, handsome son. Welp, guess we're just gonna hafta adopt ya the old-fashioned way!" He laughed in spite of himself. "And when Mike finally finally gets sick of playin' soldier and gets his fool behind hitched, I want you to bring this special someone to the weddin'."
"I don't know how wise that would be; she'd probably end up forcing me to that altar."
"Oh, a double weddin' would be lovely!"
"No, I mean she'd try to force me to marry your son."
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Walking through Calaneth was a surreal experience. Despite being as far within the walls as Trost or Krolva, the eastern district lacked the stonework common in the other districts. The majority of the buildings were crafted of wood, just as they were in Wall Maria's districts, most of the streets unpaved. It was hardly surprising, given the sheer number of forests that surrounded them. But it felt so much like being in Shiganshina that Erwin had to pinch himself to ensure he was actually awake.
Of course this wasn't Shiganshina- if it were, he'd have taken the ferry, and gone west from the port to reach Thomasin's apartment. But here he was, following the river. It was deeper further north, and the bridges spanning the banks were taller to allow for the ferries to pass beneath them, ten meters at least. Glancing up, he noticed a woman standing at the apex of the bridge he was coming up on- well, he noticed her skirt, the shade of green and the way it flapped about her ankles in the breeze reminding him of the Survey Corps' cloaks. He glanced up at the rest of her, and his heart skipped a beat.
"Thomasin!" She did not react, but maybe he was just too far away. Erwin didn't even realize he was running until he felt the gently arching ground beneath his feet and saw the water rushing beneath him from the corner of his eye. "Thomasin!" She tore her eyes away from the river, glancing up at him.
"Erwin? What are you- wait. Is today your day off? I thought you got Sundays off? Is it Sunday? What day is it?" Breathing a bit harder than he would have liked, he leaned on the bridge's siding, giving the woman before him a rather self-satisfied smile.
"As the commander, I don't get 'days off', as it were. I work until my duties are done, and they seldom are. However, as the commander, I also have the liberty to adjust my schedule however I please, so today is my new day off." Thomasin frowned, as though he'd just asked her a difficult math problem moments after waking her.
"Why today? Why not Sunday with everyone else? …is it Sunday…?"
"It's not Sunday, Thomasin- it's Wednesday. …it's your birthday." She blinked up at him, slowly, his words taking a very long time to penetrate the obvious fog her mind was encased in. He took the opportunity to get a better look at her.
It had barely been two months since they'd spoken face to face, but even that short absence was torture. She looked quite smart with her skirt and button-down white blouse (not the one she'd worn during her move, unless she'd done some extensive alterations), but despite the warmth of the day, she was wearing a familiar coat that lent itself to a somewhat shabby appearance. Not only that, the longer he looked at her, the more he noticed just how pinched her face was. The bags under her eyes were so dark, it looked as though she'd been brawling only a few hours ago.
"…oh. Right. I knew that was coming up some time soon, but… I didn't even realize it was May, yet…" Sighing deeply, she turned her attention back to the river, leaning heavily against the stone on crossed arms. All the giddy anticipation Erwin had been feeling was slowly leaving him, like someone was loosening a valve inside him. It loosened even further as he took note of the hint of white peeking out from his coat sleeve.
"What happened to your hand?"
"Broke a few fingers." She said that like it was the most natural thing in the world, pulling the sleeve down until it covered all of them.
"What? How?"
"Slammed them in the door." He winced.
"Is it still getting stuck?"
"…yeah…"
"I'm sorry; I should've tried to fix it before I left-"
"No, you shouldn't have. You did enough, Erwin. You always do enough… don't blame yourself for my stupidity…" Her voice grew quieter with every word, until she was practically mumbling to herself, hunched over and playing the hems of her sleeves-his sleeves-as she stared down at the river.
Erwin leaned against the stone beside her. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was interrupting something private, but that was silly; he was only feeling like this because it had been too long since they'd seen one another. Shaking those silly thoughts away, he opened the bag he'd brought with him, making sure the contents were still intact; he'd paid too much for it to be ruined.
"You know, I brought you a gift for your birthday…" He lifted the paper sack, holding it close enough to her face that she could breathe in the sweet scent wafting from it. "It's not the fanciest thing ever, but sugar is still being levied in Trost. I was thinking we could go to that little forest just past the outskirts and have a… picnic. …or we could run around Calaneth, setting buildings on fire… and abduct everyone with red hair… to sacrifice… to the squirrel gods…" He frowned, practically a pout, as every word he uttered fell on deaf ears. "Thomasin-"
"Look." She pointed with her good hand. Turning and practically draping himself over the side of the bridge, Erwin scowled at the river. The shadow of the bridge made the murky water appear an unappealing blackish brown.
"It's not very clean. I wouldn't risk swimming in it."
"Not straight down. Over there." She was pointing about four meters away. The sun was shining on the water's surface, rippling with every tiny wave until it looked like the water was filled with thousands of tiny candles. Not just the sun reflected, but the sky as well. Tilting his head back, he squinted, shielding his eyes. There were very few clouds, and the sky was such a brilliant shade of blue that it hurt to look upon.
"…or you could just look up?" Thomasin shook her head, entranced by the water.
"It seems closer down here, doesn't it? Like you could just reach out and touch it…" Sighing, she straightened, brushing dust from her blouse. "I hope your squirrel gods aren't the wrathful sort, because there are only about a dozen redheads in Calaneth."
"…wait, you were actually-"
"I also hope you aren't worried about ticks. Let's go." Grabbing his free hand with her uninjured right, she lead Erwin back the way he had come.
Whereas the area near Shiganshina had been populated with oaks and birches, outside of Calaneth, pines grew in such abundance that the area beneath them was springy from decades of fallen needles carpeting the ground. With a blanket spread atop them, it made for a passable bed. The scent of pine tar hung so heavy in the air, it was almost dizzying.
"There… aren't really ticks here, are there?" Erwin asked, lowering himself to the ground with extreme hesitation. Thomasin hadn't even waited for his help, leaning her back against one of the tree trunks as she lowered herself down without a second thought. She shrugged.
"Probably, but no more than anywhere else. I know there are deer further in the forest, but we're probably fine out here." Finally sitting beside her, he frowned.
"Really? I'm surprised they haven't been hunted to extinction yet."
"They probably would've been, but the Crown declared all game forests 'king's woods' now, so nobody can hunt anymore unless they've been given permission."
He was tempted to ask if permission had been granted to any of the thousands of people displaced from their homes, but he already knew the answer to that. It was just one more injustice to push from his mind, and he did just that.
"So! How is everything here? With you?"
"Fine." If it were anyone else, he would've called her tone clipped. But no, that was silly- he was just imagining things.
"How are you settling in-"
"Your expedition was last month, right?" Erwin blinked, utterly taken aback. It wasn't like Thomasin to take an interest in expeditions.
"Yes. We've finally set up our first supply cache. The route's plotted out- hopefully, we can make it to the Schafsweg Pass by next year." He sighed deeply. "I know that's a gross over estimation, but if it were possible, it might only take us three years to get to Shiganshina…"
"What then?" Exhaling deeply, he shifted to lean against the same tree as her.
"Then we start hauling materials down to patch up the gates."
"I wonder if that's even worth it…" Thomasin was speaking more to her knee than him, the shadow on her face darker than what the branches above them cast. "We've already lost a third of the population… even more people are going to die running back and forth in Titan-infested lands, and who knows when that big one will just come back and undo all your work again."
"It is worth it," he insisted, his voice hard. "If we were to just give up now, it would be no different than laying down and waiting to die." He frowned at her. "I'd expect this kind of pessimism if our mission had gone poorly, but by Survey Corps standards, it was a resounding success."
"I know," Thomasin acquiesced in a small voice, picking at her sleeve. "Good news travels almost as fast as bad. I guess I'm just so used to you coming by so quickly after expeditions that when you didn't, I started thinking about all the ways things could go wrong. But I shouldn't bring you down with that." She turned to him with an apologetic smile. "You did good, Commander."
"That actually sounded sincere." The smile vanished in an instant.
"Of course it's sincere. Like I don't know how to be sincere?"
"No, that's not what I meant," Erwin quickly backtracked, "I'm just used to you calling me 'Commander' rather, hmm… shall we say 'sardonically'?" The frown lifted somewhat, but her brows remained furrowed, her fingers no longer picking at the sleeve but scratching at the fabric as though she were trying to tear through it.
"You were born for this role, Erwin; any idiot can see that. Doesn't mean I like it."
"Would you have more respect for me if I were a commander in the Garrison, or Military Police?"
"No," she said instantly, pausing to think for a moment after the fact. "Well… no. My respect for you has nothing to do with the position you hold, Erwin; I just hate what you do, what everyone in the Survey Corps does- I hate that this branch exists…!" Doubling over, she wrapped her arms around herself. Mike's mother's voice floated to the forefront of his mind, Cuz that's what anger an' hate an' resentment are- it's all just fear… There was nothing he could say that would alleviate that fear- empty promises and lies would only feed into that resentment, so he remained silent. They both remained silent for a long time, distant birdsong and the rustling of green needles all that filled the balmy air until Thomasin whispered something to him.
"If I asked you something, for my birthday, would you agree to it?" Erwin's first instinct was to say "yes", but he nipped that knee-jerk response in the bud.
"Well, that depends on what it is. I couldn't agree to something impossible, now I could I?"
"It's not impossible." He did not respond, and she met his gaze, surely knowing exactly what his suspicions were. "I'm not going to ask you to do anything," she assured him, her tone somewhat chilled. Still silent, he arched a brow, prompting her to make her request, a cold, hard seed of indignation primed and ready to sprout if she even breathed something so audacious… "Can I… put my head on your chest…?"
"What?" Dropping her gaze, she looked away, but not before he noticed the flush creeping into her face.
"I want to put my head on your chest." She did not stutter or falter, but her voice was so soft he could barely hear her. His stomach plummeted as guilt welled within him, hot and sickly. What kind of scum was he, to even think Thomasin would ask him to give up being a Scout? He was all ready in his mind to tell her off, and for what? Because he was convinced she would try to manipulate him? Because that was the kind of thing he would do?
"Of course," Erwin said softly, his smile more of a halfhearted grimace. "Do you even need to ask?"
"Yeah. I do."
Shifting to lay down, he patted his pectorals in invitation, a gesture far more confident that how he actually felt. There was no hesitation or uncertainty in Thomasin's movements as she adjusted to lay beside him, but she moved so slowly that the whole scene felt rather dreamlike. She didn't lay on the (slight) cushion of his muscles, draping herself half across him to press her ear to his sternum. He pulled his shirt a bit to the side so the buttons wouldn't dig into her cheek.
"Are you sure this is what you want? That doesn't seem comfortable in the slightest."
"It is," she whispered, slowly, ever so slowly resting her weight on him. With her right arm pinned behind her, she laid the left across his stomach. "I wanna listen to your heartbeat."
"Why?"
"It reminds me you're alive…" Her words were like a blow with an iron rod, and he wondered if she could hear that as well.
"I'm not going anywhere…"
"Yeah, you keep saying that."
"Because I mean it." Reaching up, he combed the tips of his fingers over her hair. It had indeed grown, those tight waves long enough now to form large curls that still felt like ripples as he brushed over them.
As the conversation- if it could be called that- lapsed, it was not sounds of nature he grew more aware of, but the sounds of their breathing. Thomasin's exhales sounded like sighs, her near-constantly moving hand conspicuous now in its stillness. Lifting his head a bit, Erwin could see her pinky and ring finger wrapped tightly in bandages, a piece of wood between them serving as a splint. She must have been trying to close the door, but those were such odd fingers to break-
"What's wrong?" He stiffened, but a quick glance revealed she wasn't looking at him. He lowered his head regardless.
"Nothing."
"Your heart started beating faster."
"No, it didn't. …I was just thinking about that stupid door. Really, Thomasin, I can come by and… sand it? I think that's what you're supposed to do?"
"You're gonna be sanding all day; it needs to be planed."
"Then I'll plane it-"
"I can plane it myself. I know how to fix things, I just need the tools."
"Alright, then I can buy the tools-"
"You don't need to do that, Erwin." This time, she really did sigh.
"What? What is it?"
"Nothing."
"Is it something so bad you can't tell me?"
"It's not bad, I…"
"You what?" Sighing again, deeper and harsher this time, Thomasin pushed herself up to look at Erwin… well, anywhere but his eyes. The flush had returned, but this time, she was visibly uncomfortable.
"Erwin… would you… God, I can't believe these words are actually going to come out of my mouth…" He pushed himself up on his arms, grateful she wasn't laying on his chest anymore, for his racing pulse surely would have deafened her.
"What?"
"Would you… be willing to sign off on a job recommendation for me?" He did not bother hiding his annoyance as he flopped back down on the blanket.
"Are you fucking serious? That's what you got me worried over?"
"Nobody told you to get worried, Smith."
"You were acting like you were going to ask if I would help you bury a body."
"Bullshit; I would rather ask that. Do you have any idea how humiliating this is? I don't have any identification anymore! My citizenship, my birth certificate, my journeyman papers; I lost everything when Wall Maria fell!" Erwin's sullen indignation vanished at once.
"Journeyman papers…?"
"Yeah! Since I worked for him for so long, Mr. Reed pulled some strings with the apothecary guild in the Interior to have me registered as an apprentice. I finished my contract; I was a fucking journeyman, but that doesn't mean shit anymore because I can't prove who I am!" Breathing hard through her nose, she glanced at him from the corner of her eye, her shoulders slumping. "But I still have a military record, and… you're the commander now. No one's gonna question you if you say I am who I say I am." By now, Erwin had sat back up completely.
"Thomasin, you could have told me this months ago. I can give you a copy of your personnel file to take to into Wall Sina to get new identification."
"I didn't need it months ago," she seethed. "I've been doing odd jobs that don't require identification. But now… I kind of miss having a respectable job. And I still need your recommendation for that."
"Do you even have to ask, Lindemann? Do you think I'd say 'No; stay unemployed and starve'?" He shook his head, frowning slightly. "Though I don't see how the word of a military commander would mean anything to an apothecary."
"It's… not an apothecary… not exactly."
"Then what-?"
"Don't worry about it," she cut him off quickly. "They'll send a letter to your office asking if I really am who I say I am, and all you've got to do is confirm that I am. That's it. Just say 'yes' and sign your name." His eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"…Thomasin, are you doing something illegal?" She pulled a face.
"No? You think I'd involve the fucking military in something illegal? Trust me, Smith; I don't need your help to do illegal things."
"…that doesn't put my mind at ease in the slightest!"
"Don't worry about it!" For the first time since he'd seen her today, she gave him a sincere smile, relief shining through her haggard face. "Thank you so much, Erwin. You have no idea how much this means to me." Leaning forward, she pressed her lips against his cheek so quickly that by the time he registered their warmth, she'd already pulled away, reaching around him to grab the bag he'd almost forgotten about. "So, what'd you bring me?"
She looked almost like her old self again… That should have been enough to completely negate all his unease, but her insistence on secrecy for no reason he could think of kept him on edge. He pushed all those apprehensions to the side, however; he could deal with them later, on his own time.
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While Erwin had put in a request for a copy of Thomasin Lindemann's personnel file from the Interior almost as soon as he returned to base, the constant deluge of paperwork, planning, and training quickly wiped his other promise from his mind. In the two months that followed, they'd laid down their next supply cache, but lost more soldiers on the return trip than he had recruited that year. The lack of any net gains already had him in a sour mood, so it was little wonder he tore open the envelope bearing the Garrison Regiment's insignia without so much as glancing at it. It would be nothing good, he already knew that. They were laying tracks along the top of the Walls around every district, and the constant hauling of materials was bound to delay the Corps' next expedition.
Thus it came as a surprise- not a pleasant one, of course- when he realized he wasn't holding some half-assed apology from Pixis, but an inquiry from one Captain Joseph Hyles, of the Calaneth Garrison Hospital. Erwin read and reread the contents of the letter three times before it fully sunk in what was being asked of him, his frown growing more severe each time. Pulling out a clean sheet of paper, he wrote a short affirmation, signing it so roughly the page tore slightly, not even waiting for the ink to dry as he folded it and placed in a new envelope. He was already grabbing a new sheet, not bothering with any formalities this time.
You underhanded sneak. Using me to get a position in another regiment, knowing damn well the only branch with a staff shortage is the Survey Corps! You wanna get drunk with the Garrison so badly, go back and redo basic training. I am not amused by this, Thomasin…
Don't be a petulant bitch, Erwin. Why would I redo basic training for a non-combat position? I'm in training to be a nurse; this has nothing to do with the Survey Corps, or any other branch. I don't care if you're "amused"- I'm not gonna slave away loading corpses on pyres just 'cause you wanna play pretend outside the Walls. Try that shit on someone who doesn't know you...
Erwin's hands had started shaking as he read the letter. He'd never been so angry at anything Thomasin said to him that it had a physical effect on him, but that had to be why his heart was pounding, why everything sounded so loud as ripped the paper in half, and then in half again, and those pieces in half once more until none of the words formed sentences any longer. It was all just jumbled nonsense in his hands, now: someone who doesn't- care if you'- wanna play pretend- Roaring in disgust, he tore the paper into even smaller pieces until the words were reduced to indecipherable clusters of letters.
"You don't know me…" he seethed at the paper, as though it would be able to transfer his voice to the hand that had written on it. "That's not me anymore. Not now." No one- especially no one in the Survey Corps- ever, ever needed to know about that. About him. He wasn't that spoiled, selfish child anymore. Everything he did was for the sake, the betterment, of humanity. And if his dreams lined up with the good of humanity, there was nothing selfish in that.
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The chill of autumn and the simmering satisfaction of another successful cache drop were energizing enough that, even after a four hour ride, he still wasn't tired. That part of him that was still a good boy who always followed the rules and didn't make waves was beside itself at his misappropriation of Survey Corps equipment, but he shoved that part of himself aside with the reminder that he wasn't embezzling tax payer money or anything. He was just taking his horse for a leisurely ride… and wearing his jacket with his name and rank on display so the Garrison soldiers in the guardhouse would hitch his horse with minimal complaint.
Maybe it was technically an abuse of power, but it was such a small thing compared to how some people acted when they gained even the tiniest bit of authority. Erwin stopped short as he reached the last house on the lane. All the dirt along the front, save for a small area leading up to the door, had been tilled and, at one time, at least, planted. The ever-increasing chill had many of the plants withered and drooping, but back in summer, everything must have been lush and vibrant. Rapping on the door, he paused, running his hand along it. It lay flush within the frame now.
"Hold up- I'm coming!" Pulling his hand back, he yanked out the large splinter embedded at the base of his finger, frowning at the blood welling up in the crease of his palm. He barely had time to think about it, however, as a familiar gait within the house, and a flash of movement amidst the wilting garden both caught his attention near simultaneously. The hinges were silent this time, giving him no warning that the door was opening until the the brass handle collided with his stomach. Not hard enough to hurt- thankfully, Thomasin hadn't thrown it open, but enough to startle him from his thoughts. She didn't realize that yet, gasping, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. "Oh my god! Erwin, why are you standing so close to the door!? You know it opens out!"
"Did you know there's an exceptionally large pigeon tearing up your garden?" He pointed down at the fat brown hen who, perhaps bored with the offerings of the soil, had taken to pecking at his shoe, its beak making no headway against the hard leather. Thomasin gasped again, struggling to reach the bird as she was forced to bend at the waist. It did not flee, as Erwin expected it to, but allowed itself to be grabbed, clucking softly and making a sound that his ignorant mind could only classify as purring. …chickens could purr?
"Bernie, what the fuck? You horrid creature- how'd you get out?" She pushed past him, her steps a hasty, uneven shuffle, and he mutely followed her to the side of the house where a small, fenced-in enclosure stood in the middle of more wilting plants. "Ah! No! Henry, not you too!" He wouldn't have even noticed the other bird had Thomasin grabbed it from behind a row of poles, tossing both chickens into the enclosure and hammering down a latch with her fist. "Don't you look at me! You know you did wrong! You don't come out when I'm in the house!" She scolded the birds as though they were children, and like a subset of scolded children, they paid her no mind, far more interested in scratching at the dirt. She sighed, slowly lowering her hands to her sides.
"Alright. That's enough excitement for one day…" Turning on her heel so quickly her skirt flared out around her, she walked back to the front of the house with a far more reserved gait. "Sorry about that, Erwin; they'll destroy everything in their paths if I leave them unattended." The words spilled over his lips before he even realized what he was saying.
"When I found you a house with a yard, I was expecting you to grow flowers, not chickens."
"Chickens are better, though; chickens lay eggs. Speaking of which, I hope you brought your appetite~" In her last letter, imploring him to come visit again for his birthday, she'd told him not to eat before arriving. He didn't do that, of course; four hours on horseback on an empty stomach was courting disaster, but it wasn't as though he wasn't still hungry. Before he even crossed the door frame, his mouth began watering, the air inside warm and fragrant and delicious. A fire crackled under the stove, and something bubbled atop it. Thomasin squeezed past him rather than tell him to move, her chest brushing against his arm as she slipped between him and the frame, the door clicking shut behind her.
"Sit, sit!" She gestured to a table that definitely hadn't been there before. Not the prettiest thing, but sturdy, far more than the rickety chairs around it.
"This couldn't have been cheap," Erwin muttered, knocking against the dark wood with a knuckle as Thomasin moved a whistling kettle from the stove and began fixing tea.
"No, but not nearly as expensive as you might think. You save a lot of money when you do most of the labor yourself."
"You built this?"
"I built that coop outside, too. It's nailing planks of wood together; I think even I can manage that much." As she set a steaming, sweet-smelling cup in front of him, Erwin allowed himself a moment to take her in. It was a far cry from how she'd looked the last time he visited. There were still dark bags under her eyes- he was starting to think those wouldn't ever go away- but her cheeks were fuller and her eyes no longer sunken in. She looked… happy. He lifted the cup, blowing on it to cool it faster.
"Seems like you're doing well for yourself." That was good. That was a good thing; only a spoiled, selfish child would be upset about that-
"Better than you might think." She sat across from him, a bitten-back smile gleaming in her eyes. "Guess who finally completed their probation period? You're looking at the newly certified Nurse Lindemann~" His jaw clenched, and he lowered the cup harder than he should have, hot tea sloshing over the side and splashing onto his fingers. He barely even noticed the sting.
"I'm certain the Garrison appreciates you being there to coddle them through their hangovers." Her expression flashed from hurt to anger.
"Are you fucking serious, Erwin? You're still mad about this? The Survey Corps isn't the only branch doing something anymore! The Garrison is actually working to keep people within the Walls safe, not just riding off and leaving them behind. You should be proud of me; I'm helping humanity!"
"And I'm not?!" he snapped. "You really think the worst of me, don't you? No matter how many times I tell you I'm not the boy I was in the Training Corps, no matter what I do to prove I've changed, you just won't see me as anything but. Do you truly believe that I don't care about anything but myself to the exclusion of all else!?" She remained silent, staring at the table. "Answer me!" Flinching, she neither spoke nor lifted her gaze. The chair scraped loudly against the floor as Erwin stood, grabbing his coat from the back. "I'm leaving."
"No!" Thomasin stumbled slightly in her haste, paying no mind to corner of the table colliding with her thigh, nor the tea spilling as she grabbed his hand with both of hers, pulling him back. "No, please don't go! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" She squeezed his hand and he winced, the pressure exacerbating the sting of both the burn and the splinter. "You aren't like that…" She spoke to his hand rather than his face, clutching it to her heart as she panted, her warm breath almost painful against his burnt fingers. "You aren't like other people. I know that. I don't know why I keep acting like you are…"
Erwin deflated at her words, feeling very awkward and uncomfortable in his anger now. As righteous as his indignation had felt at the time, he now wished he had kept his mouth closed. He'd expected her to yell back at him, to call him out and double down that he was still that boy, was just as stupid as he'd ever been. Anger was palatable. Grief and misery made him want to vomit. Closing the distance between them, he reached up, barely touching her thick curls before she flinched yet again. What, did she expect him to strike her?
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my tempter like that-"
"No, I'm sorry. You were right, Erwin; I'm- I'm the selfish one. You're out there, being brave and selfless, and if I weren't a selfish piece of shit, I'd be helping you in any way I can… but I am, and I'm just trying to drag you down to my level. You were right about me… you're always right about everything…" She lowered her voice until he could barely hear her, could only feel her breath on his fingers.
"Don't say that. You're not selfish." No more than he was. "You're doing a good thing. Pay me no mind, Lindemann; I'm just jealous." She looked up at him, and while her face was dry, he could see moisture clinging to her lashes, making them clump together.
"Of what?" He forced himself to grin.
"The Garrison getting to take up all your time, while poor me over in Trost has no one to impose upon…" A huff, and slowly, the faintest hint of a grin tugged at her lips as well.
"You have so many people to impose upon, Erwin," she told him quietly. "I was only at the base for a little while, but even that was enough to see how much everyone adores you. You're so respected, so beloved… I can't even imagine what that must be like…" He opened his mouth- to say what, he wasn't entirely sure- but before a single word could leave his tongue, she pulled her hand back and her face twisted in horror. "Why are you all bloody!?" Glancing down, Erwin saw that his palm was smeared with blood, and hers as well where she had been touching him. He waved his clean hand.
"I got a splinter from your door. It's nothing to worry about."
"What were you doing, pawing at it?" She pulled him over to the sink, holding his hand under the pump as she worked it with one hand, the other gently rubbing the tacky blood away. Holding it up to the light, she closely examined his palm, running her thumb over it gently. "Eh, you're fine."
"That's it?" Erwin asked, affronted. "You're not going to clean it, or bandage it or anything?" She looked back at him over her shoulder, her face twisted in exasperation.
"…it's a splinter, you overgrown baby."
"And now you insult me, after your wretched house grievously injured me. I pity any patients of yours, Lindemann." Rolling her eyes, she lifted his hand, and pressed her lips against the pads of his palm, just under the finger that was still a touch red.
"Better?" He would have preferred to give another snide remark- being sarcastic and teasing was so much easier than being sincere, but even if it was just in his mind, he could swear that dull ache was beginning to fade.
"...yes, actually."
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A/N- Okay, so while I am going to be making lots of small (and not so small) changes to the general world building of AoT for this story, the idea of the people of Trost cheering for the Survey Corps prior to the Wall Maria reclamation isn't one of them. I don't know what worries me more- the fact that they're letting Erwin lead an expedition despite clearly showing signs of brain damage in the form of memory loss in Chapter 72, or the fact that Levi and Hange have been drinking amnesia water.
Ch.72- "How long has it been since the SC has had a sendoff like this?" "Who knows… has it ever?" Erwin: "As far as I know, it's a first."
Side Story Levi- Crowd in Trost, clearly cheering: "Here they come! It's the SC main force!" "Commander Erwin, please drive the Titans away!"
Erwin… sugar. Honey. Sweetie pie. It's been less than a year since a crowd of adoring people were cheering, not just for the Survey Corps, but for YOU specifically. It's even more damning in the anime when, not only can you see that every single person in the crowd is smiling, but it's also been less than six months.