Reasons

by SilverShadow1711

The world could be a cruel, wicked place, filled with nightmares and terrors unending. Erwin Smith made the choice to throw himself into those nightmares, but even the most steadfast man is not an island. At the very least, there was someone he could fall back on, even if it took him some time to realize it. (Erwin backstory-centric, the slowest of slow burns. Cross-posted on AO3)

35. Touch

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Ch.35- "Touch"

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A/N- Warning- Smut incoming!

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Being married felt a bit underwhelming. It really did seem exactly how he'd said it would be: nothing changed. Two signatures, a fee and a stamp… Such an odd thing to make such a big fuss over.

"Erwin." It was the tap on his arm that roused him, not her voice.

"Yes?"

"You went quiet again. It's kind of creepy out here in complete silence…"

"Oh, I'm sorry." He shifted in the saddle, making sure she had enough space behind him. "I was just wondering if perhaps we should have a wedding."

"I don't even know what a wedding looks like."

"I do. It's basically a party, with food and music and dancing…" Where everyone smiled and laughed, and death was the furthest thing from anyone's mind. "I'd wear a suit and you'd wear a beautiful dress, and we'd exchange vows to love one another until death do us part…" He smiled despite himself. The sun wasn't anywhere near the horizon yet, but it had dipped far enough below Wall Rose to paint the countryside a vivid gold.

"That's stupid," Thomasin mused lightly. "Sounds like a waste of money and time." Erwin tugged on the reins, stopping his horse as he turned in the saddle to face her.

"It's not stupid; it's a wonderful thing. Celebrating your love with your family and friends-"

"I don't have those things." She was facing the sun, despite the shadows of the canopy, the light painted her all in blinding gold. She leaned back slightly, into the shade, and he could see the knowing, yet understanding look in her eyes. There was a faint smile in her voice. "It's okay. You can say it. 'My friends'." He turned back, squeezing the horse behind the dithers to spur him back into walking. Thomasin chuckled softly, leaning against his back, her cheek pressed between his shoulder blades. "Maybe it would be worth it just for that… those poor bastards deserve to see you all dressed up. I bet Mike would weep tears of joy seeing you in something other than your uniform. Levi would be so jealous-"

"Thomasin… do you really not have any friends…?" She'd told him she didn't have friends growing up, and she always seemed to be by herself in the Training Corps, but… that was years ago. She had changed. She was so sweet, so beautiful, such a lovely person; how could anyone-

"I have people I know. People I work with. That's enough." No, it wasn't. "But I have something else, too. Something wonderful and beautiful and more precious than I ever could have dreamed of." One of her hands rose from around his waist, trailing up to his chest, and she pressed her palm flat against his heart. "You're my friend. You're my family. You're everything that's worth anything in this world to me, Erwin." Blinking against the sting in his eyes, he released one of the reins, taking her hand and bringing it to his lip, pressing a kiss to her ring finger.

"You can't say things like that once we get to base- it would be disastrous if my soldiers saw me tearing up."

"No, it wouldn't. I think it would make them happy to see that you're just as human as they… are…" She trailed off as they finally reached the clearing of the base, letting out an awed breath. "This? This is the base? This is a castle!"

"Considering the lack of fortifications, it's actually a palace. There are dozens of abandoned ruins like this within the Walls, and a good few of them are used as Corps bases." Thomasin could not care less about the details of the Survey Corps' logistics.

"Are you kidding me?! I could've spent my pitiful tenure as a Scout living in a palace instead of fucking Ehrmich?"

"If it's luxury you wanted, Ehrmich was as good as it gets. This bauble is probably as old as the Walls themselves. There's no hot running water- there's barely indoor plumbing…"

"…and Levi is willingly stationed here?" she asked, incredulous. Erwin scoffed.

"Who said anything about 'willingly'?"

Hitching his horse, he caught her as she slid down, setting her on her foot. Taking her hand, he pushed open one of the massive doors, paint chipping off under his touch, and led her inside.

"Ahhh…" Pushing all the thoughts from his mind, Erwin allowed himself a moment to simply enjoy the look of absolute awe on Thomasin's face as she openly gaped at the main hall. "Are you crazy, Smith? This isn't luxury to you…?"

Following her gaze for a second, he considered the view from her perspective. The windows were all aglow with the sun, bathing the entire hall in a rich, warm light that reflected off the ceder paneling and wrought iron candelabras. He hadn't noticed last night just how clean everything was. Levi really did set his squad mates to an impossible standard… As his eyes fell on the massive staircase, his mind went right back to contemplating, which did not go unnoticed by his wife.

"What? What is it?"

"The thing I have for you is upstairs in my quarters. I'm debating if I should just run up and get it, or bring you up with me." Thomasin smiled at him.

"Well, strong as you are, I think you can probably move a bit faster when you're not carrying me, so why don't you go grab it and come back?" Holding onto his arm for balance, she rose onto her toes to speak quietly in his ear. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. You're never gonna get rid of me now, Smith…" Making sure there was no one around, he lightly kissed her lips.

"I'll hold you to that… Smith." It was worth it just for how aghast she looked. There was no one around, so Erwin didn't have to worry about looking foolish running up the stairs full tilt, the most ridiculous smile on his lips.

He'd returned early enough that he had a good hour before he needed to assemble everyone and debrief them on the upcoming mission. Plenty of time to just stop and appreciate all the wondrous things that had happened. There were so many corpses laying at his feet, so many terror-filled eyes asking Why? What did we die for…? But the answer was so clear today. They would capture Annie Leonhart and interrogate her until she revealed where she came from. He was sure he already knew, but he wanted specifics. There was something bright beyond the Walls, something amazing, just begging to be grasped… and there was something equally amazing within the Walls.

Reaching his quarters, Erwin dug through the pockets of the uniform he'd worn the night before, finally finding the silver band in his other jacket's interior pocket. A happy little charm he'd slipped in there, a reminder of how long it could take to reach that brightly shining something… He let out a little breathless laugh, squeezing it. His throat hurt, and his eyes were stinging, but he couldn't stop smiling. 'Can you believe it, Father? It's all finally coming together… All these years of pain and sacrifice finally mean something…' It took a moment for his ragged breathing to even out. Wiping his eyes, he checked his reflection in the window. Commander Smith smiled back at him as he dropped the ring into his breast pocket.

Setting a much more reserved pace down the stairs, it didn't stop him from missing a step as the main hall came into view. That awful feeling in his gut wasn't from the near fall, though, no… Leaping over the banister, he landed hard but paid his protesting knees no mind as he scanned the hall. Empty. No… no, that wasn't- she wouldn't- not again- No, he was being foolish. There was no reason to get upset, he just needed to be logical. Closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, he just barely caught the faint impression of voices coming from the back.

Following the sound, he put his ear to the door leading to the mess hall, the voices within muffled. It was well past lunch, but that was when they had cooks doing all the prep and cooking for them. There was no staff in this base, so naturally it would take the Scouts longer to prepare meals. Pushing the door open, he almost sagged in relief, but it was quickly overwhelmed with annoyance. His ranking officers all stopped their discussion, turning in unison to look at him, each wearing an expression more insufferable than the last. Even Levi's dull-eyed nonchalance just made him look punchable in that moment. And of course, there was Thomasin sat at the table with them, her face the only one even remotely apologetic, which was all but offset by both Mike's shit-eating grin and his arm thrown casually around her shoulders.

"There he is!"

"The man of the hour!"

"We saved you some food!" With all the quiet dignity of a king, Erwin descended down to their level.

"Erwin! Hurry up!" The excitement in the air was palpable as he drew closer. Hange was practically vibrating in their seat. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god- you brought her here!" Thomasin offered him a sheepish grin.

"I'm sorry. He said you'd know I was in here." There was no need to ask who "he" was, as his gray-green eyes were dancing with mirth. Erwin did not deign to give his second-in-command so much as a glance as he pulled up a seat beside his wife. Cecile pushed a bowl of stew and a plate with two rolls on it towards him. He immediately attempted to offer it to Thomasin, but she just shook her head slightly. That small interaction didn't go unnoticed.

"So I can only assume you two…?" Horace trailed off hopefully, and Erwin nodded heavily.

"I'd like to formally introduce you all to Mrs. Thomasin Smith."

"When?" was all Levi had to ask, and Thomasin gave him a small smile.

"Today. We ran into each other in Stohess, and… I guess it was a sign." Her lip twisted slightly. "Though I'm still not used to the idea of being 'Mrs. Smith'. How am I supposed to derisively call Erwin 'Smith' if I'm 'Smith', too?"

"That won't stop you." He wasn't sure how much of that she caught, given that Hange was currently trying to shatter all the windows in the castle with their squealing.

"THIS IS THE BEST NEWS EVER! I'M SO HAPPY I COULD CRY!" Levi reached across the table, grabbing one of Erwin's rolls and shoving it into the brunette's mouth to silence them.

"If you scream one more time, I'm going to rip your shitty tongue out and use it to scrub the toilets."

"Okay, now that Hange's preoccupied with food for a second, it's so nice to finally meet you in person, Thomasin! I'm Cecile Davies, and I have been waiting for this day for years!" Cecile beamed at the other woman, offering her a hand over the table.

"Horace Müller, at your service. We've heard so much about you," Horace chuckled. The dark woman laughed somewhat nervously.

"Do I want to know-" Her eyes widened slightly. "Wait… No, I know you. I mean, I've seen you. When I first met Hange, you… You were on Erwin's squad when he was still a captain!" She laughed again, with genuine delight this time. "Ohh, this brings back memories. Horrible, horrible memories… Wasn't there another man on your squad back then? I remember seeing a guy with black hair…?" Cecile and Horace's smiles dimmed immediately.

"Yeah. That was Frey."

"He, um… he died. A while ago."

"Oh. I'm sorry…"

"Don't be," Cecile brushed off her apology, though her eyes remained misty. "That's just life in the Survey Corps."

"Yeah…" A dark cloud threatened to descend on their table, but thankfully, Mike quickly drew most of the attention away from death with his rumbling voice.

"Alright, enough about them. All this time, and you haven't once mentioned how happy you are to see me again." Thomasin beamed fondly at him, and Erwin took the opportunity to begin eating. A mistake, to be sure.

"Oh, you know it's always a pleasure, Mike." She pronounced it as "Myke". "You'll have to forgive me- I always get a bit jealous around you, and now's no different. I know I'm married to the man, but you'll always be his first true love..."

"WHAT?!" Everyone around the table had the same reaction, sans Levi, whose only sign that he was interested in the goings on of those around him was to glance for a second longer than usual at the dark woman… and Erwin himself, who was currently choking on the potato that had just lodged in his throat.

"That makes so much sense," Horace muttered, nodding sagely. The commander finally managed to swallow, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he coughed.

"No, it doesn't."

"Tell me everything…!" Hange had finished devouring their ill-gotten bread, and was all but draped across the table, trying to get closer to the source of insidious gossip. Erwin smacked their knuckles with his spoon, driving them off as they hissed at him.

"There's nothing to tell, because it's a lie." Thomasin silenced her husband with the remaining roll.

"Maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but he's right; there's nothing to tell. Erwin just had a little crush on a certain tall senior when we were cadets…"

"Awwww!" Cecile cooed, earning an icy glare. Mike's mustache twitched, a sign that he was trying very hard not to smirk.

"Really? That far back? I'm flattered, Commander."

"I will fire you-"

"I don't mind a vacation-"

"-out of a canon." Snickers, and even outright laughter, filled the empty hall. For all his dour stoicism, even Levi's gaze seemed to soften ever so slightly, his posture relaxing just a little.

Embarrassing as the conversation had turned, deep within his heart, Erwin was happy. So happy. Not just because his wife and friends were getting along as though they'd known each other for years, but because all of this just felt so right. Sitting in the mess hall with his friends, everyone smiling and laughing and enjoying themselves… it was like being a cadet again. Right there, right then, in that very moment, he could forget that there were still death certificates on his desk in Trost waiting to be signed, and that he was in the middle of preparing what was, in essence, a potential terrorist attack in one of the interior districts. Just for a little while, he wasn't a commander, nor a demon who sent children to their deaths; he was just a man enjoying the company of the people he loved.

He wasn't the only one enjoying the present company. He'd known it would happen eventually, and was honestly surprised he hadn't done it yet. When Mike buried his nose in the crook of her neck, Thomasin cringed so hard her head tucked into her shoulders like a turtle. The section commander paid no mind to her confused unease or the snickers from the others (and eye rolling from Levi), taking in a few quick, shallow sniffs before inhaling deeply. He let out the breath he was holding with a pleased moan from deep in his chest, earning him a hard glare from Erwin, a glare he also paid no mind to as he straightened, his eyes closed.

"Well?" Hange prompted.

"Yeah… this is my wife now…" Horace chuckled darkly as Levi groaned in disgust. Erwin's glare turned incredulous.

"Excuse you? You know I am sitting right here, Michaelis."

"I know; that's why I said it." His eyes opened, and there was something deep and knowing in them that softened the little smile he gave to his old friend. "It's a good smell. She compliments you…" His smile turned wicked. "Unfortunately for you, Commander, you waited too long. I called dibs years ago, remember?" Cecile slammed her hand on the table, her mouth agape.

"Holy shit, I remember that! Mike's right!" Horace frowned.

"Wait, what are you-" His mouth too fell open as recognition widened his eyes. "Oh my god, that was so long ago, I almost forgot about it…" This, for some reason, seemed to actually capture Levi's attention as he set his cup down, frowning deeply at the rest of the table.

"What the fuck are you idiots rambling about?"

"Uh, enlighten me, too, please," Thomasin demanded.

"It was soo long ago," Cecile's voice took on an almost reverent tone. "Over a decade, now…God, we were young then.I was a fucking baby… That was, what? Like, two or three months after Erwin was made captain?"

"I think three," Horace noted. "The 90th just graduated, remember?"

"Yeah!" Hange bounced in their seat. "I remember now, too! That was the first time I'd ever heard about Captain Smith's girlfriend~" Erwin remembered exactly what they were talking about now, and even now, over a decade older and more hardened, the memory still exhausted him.

"That was back when he was trippin' head over ass to convince everyone that he wasn't in love with you," Mike told the woman beside him in a low voice, "and nobody could figure out why he was so adamant that you two were 'just friends'." Thomasin's brows furrowed, perplexed.

"Wait, like… right after I was discharged? We were just friends back then."

"Really?" Levi asked in a low voice, earning a nod. He frowned. "Why?" Her expression melted into something blank, almost distant, as she thought back on that time. She looked over at her husband, meeting his gaze, that far away look in her eyes remaining.

"Just… didn't think of him as anything but a friend back then. Maybe not even that, not really… Our relationship back in the Training Corps was… unique. But nothing close to romantic. If you'd told me back then that I'd end up falling in love with, to say nothing of marrying, the boy with the angry caterpillars on his face, I'd never have believed you." Despite the fact that she was being completely earnest, her description earned more than a few chuckles. Erwin frowned slightly. "Unique". That was a kind way of saying he was a self-centered prick who'd only seen her as an empty head with ears.

"Exactly," he said quietly. "I kept trying to tell them that, but these idiots just couldn't comprehend the idea that people don't fall in love overnight." Mike scoffed derisively.

" 'Overnight'- you dumbasses knew each other for five years at that point."

"Barely four."

"Whatever! The point is, the feelings were starting- at least on your end- and you didn't want to admit it. And like a petulant bitch, you said, 'Well, why don't you date her?'-" he affected an exaggerated tone that sounded nothing like Erwin "-and I said 'Fine! I'll marry her!' because I am a man of exquisite taste." Thomasin turned back to face Erwin, who was currently resting his face in his palm.

"Is that true?"

"Yes." His voice was muffled by his hand. "I admit, I was probably just lying to myself back then." He lifted his head to look up at her. "But knowing what I know now, I'm glad I didn't take these fools' advice. If I'd proposed back then, you would have turned me down, wouldn't you?"

"…probably," she admitted quietly, to the shock and horror of the others. Erwin ignored them, reaching out and taking one of her hands, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

"Still, I wish we could have been married all those years ago… that we could have had so much more time like this…"

"I wish that, too…" Mike surprised them, not just with his words, but the tone in which he spoke them. His good humor from earlier had vanished, his face still as he stared at nothing in particular, but his eyes harbored a familiar gloom. "Lisa wanted to see you get married so bad… She was already naming herself your kids' godmother…" Grief reached inside Erwin's chest like a cold hand, closing around his heart. Thomasin looked between the blonde men on either side of her.

"Who- who's Lisa?"

"One of our squad mates, when I was in Mike's squad. She—" His voice caught in his throat unexpectedly. That wasn't supposed to happen. He needed to get that under control, and quickly. "She was the main one who teased me about you back then. Her and Gerwalt- incorrigible, both of them… I wish you could have met them, Lisa and Gerwalt and Frey…"

And William, his old roommate, and captains Ness and Wallace, and his father and aunt… There were so many people he didn't even realize were missing from this day, people he wished could be sharing his happiness with him but who never would. Thomasin bowed her head, looking down at their hands.

"It's so easy to forget the Survey Corps is what it is," she whispered, more to herself than anyone at the table, her still face and low voice not offering the slightest insight into what she was truly thinking in that moment. Cecile reached across the table, the tips of her fingers patting the other woman's shoulder, the little part of it she could reach without standing.

"We all… forget, sometimes…"

If Thomasin heard her, she didn't react, a dark cloud forming behind her eyes. An exceptionally loud sip and the clatter of a cup returning to its saucer echoed almost profanely through the empty hall. With no more tea requiring his attention, Levi finally deigned to once more acknowledge that there were other people with him.

"Oi, gimpy- where's your ring?" Thomasin blinked and the cloud vanished, confusion taking its place.

"What?" Levi held up and tapped his own naked ring finger.

"You say you're married, but I don't see a ring. Do people up here not do that anymore, or is Erwin just as stingy with you as he is with the rest of us?" She turned from the dark-haired man to the blonde one, one brow raised just a bit.

"I don't know- is he?" Choosing not to dignify that with a response, Erwin took her hand in his, fishing the ring from his pocket and doing his level best to ignore the ear grating scrape of chairs on stone as his friends stood up to better see him slip the band onto her finger. He winced internally as his thumb brushed against her empty nail bed, but no one else seemed to notice it. Hange, of course, was the first to notice something else.

"Oh my god, he is! It's silver!" The others immediately piled on.

"What the fuck, Erwin?"

"You had one job- buy a gold ring!"

"I knew you were cheap, but god damn, Smith…"

"I bought a silver ring on purpose," he tried explaining through gritted teeth, only for Hange to cut in.

"Yeah, because you're cheap."

"It's not because I'm cheap!"

"I like it." Thomasin's soft voice instantly silenced the others. She rubbed her thumb over the band, not with a smile, but with a definite fondness in her gaze. "Gold is garish and weak. Mr. Reed told me that gold on its own is so soft, you can bend it with your fingers." She squeezed the ring between her thumb and forefinger. "This won't bend. Strong and pragmatic. I like it." Levi scoffed under his breath.

"Strong? Pragmatic? You sound like you're talking about a knife." Thomasin hummed thoughtfully.

"A good knife should have a bit of bend to it, though…" She smiled subtly at him. "Besides, you say that as if I wouldn't appreciate a knife. Any gift is precious if it's given by someone you love…"

~o0o~

The unlit candles served as paperweights, holding both the map of Stohess and the thinner parchment laid over it. The map was so old, its ink so faded, that it barely showed through the other paper, but they could see well enough which streets Erwin was marking.

"As far as Nile knows, we aren't bringing Eren in until Monday, but we'll have to start setting up tomorrow." He circled the entrance tunnel two streets behind the main road. "This is where you'll be leading her. Cecile, I want your section setting up a blockade here," he drew a line across the southern half of the street. "If she transforms before getting into that tunnel, the alleys along these back roads are too narrow for a fourteen-meter Titan to squeeze through, meaning that if she tries to flee, she'll have to backtrack all the way to here-" he drew a curved arrow in the opposite direction "-to get out onto the closest road, which Hange's section will be waiting along, mostly stationed here and here." He noticed movement from the corner of his eye, and looked up to see Armin raising a tentative hand. "Question, Arlert?"

"Not so much a question as a doubt, sir…" His face was pinched as he stared down at the map. He looked as if he hadn't slept since the expedition. Probably hadn't. "All of this is dependent on getting Annie away from the escort, but… what if she just doesn't do that? It's not like we're 'friends'- she has no reason to help us-"

"She has every reason to help you. She wants Eren- alive- badly enough that she followed us out into Wall Maria and risked her life to capture him. For what, we can't even speculate, but that doesn't matter. Impress upon her that Eren will be executed on sight if he is spotted, and that the presence of another MP is the only thing that can stay the Military Police's hand." Armin shook his head.

"I… I can't do this. She won't believe me-"

"Oi." Levi's voice was like a blade, his eyes just as cold and steely as he leaned onto the table. "This is the same bitch that could have popped you like a pimple twice the other day and didn't. Why? Because you're just that special? God intervened and gave that murderous cunt a conscience just to spare you, His precious golden child? She clearly has a soft spot for you, brat- use that to your advantage. People do stupid, illogical shit when they like someone." Armin's fair cheeks turned apple red as he quickly shook his head.

"What? No! Annie doesn't like me!"

"She likes you well enough to have spared your life," Erwin reminded him, "and you will milk that for all it's worth. I don't care how you do it, Armin- coercion, threats, bribes- you will do anything and everything in your power to convince Annie Leonhart to follow you." Despite the fear and uncertainty in his eyes and his still-flushed cheeks, Armin nodded.

"Sir," Mikasa began, her voice deceptively calm, "if Annie shows signs of hostility, do I have permission to respond with force?" Erwin frowned at her words, recalling Levi's report. The girl's desire to "respond with force" drove her to baldly disobey an officer's orders, nearly resulting in her death and leaving his lieutenant out of commission.

"This is not an execution, Ackermann- we want this target alive, and in good enough condition to answer questions. If Leonhart does something to put Eren's life in jeopardy, then- and only then- are you permitted to use force. I suggest you err on the side of caution and keep your blades sheathed." Mikasa nodded, but there was a tightness in her jaw that spoke to her displeasure at being told her vengeance would have to wait. "We'll be returning to Trost tomorrow. The three of you will immediately head east with Section Commanders Hange and Cecile, and you'll be arriving in Stohess after nightfall. I suggest you take the opportunity to rest now, because there won't be accommodations on this mission." Cecile chuckled lightly.

"Your first overnight mission gets to be spent camping out in a city in Wall Sina- you kids have no idea how lucky you are." Hange nodded vigorously.

"Yeah! Don't look so glum, Eren. We can stay up all night discussing all the fun experiments I have planned for you once this mission's over!" Eren's dour mood clearly had nothing to do with the sleeping arrangements, and he barely reacted to the threat currently beaming at him.

"I just hope we're not making a mistake…" he muttered. His usually bright green eyes were dark with doubt. "I mean, what if we're wrong? What if Annie isn't the Female Titan and we put her through all of this for nothing!?"

"We aren't putting her through anything, Eren," Erwin explained to him calmly. "We'll be questioning her, not executing her. Even if she isn't the Female Titan, there's still the matter of her killing our test subjects and providing false evidence during a military investigation. You need to stop worrying about what's going to happen to Annie, and start worrying about what's going to happen to you, because I promise you that if you enter Mitras, you will not be leaving."

The boy swallowed hard, a spark of fear flashing in his eyes. He didn't believe Eren's doubts had yet been put to rest, but he wasn't surprised. It wasn't in the nature of children to fully understand how horrible consequences could be until they were forced to face them, and his goal right now was to ensure that Eren did not face those consequences. Maybe he'd have to ask Cecile to spend a bit of time explaining to the boy just how the MPs were going to torture and execute him if this mission was a bust while they were setting up in Stohess…

~o0o~

While they had finished ironing out most of the details of what would take place in Stohess, that was only half of the overall mission plan. As Erwin made his way back to his temporary office, he went over the finer details of the other half with Mike.

"-to remain in plainclothes until they return to Trost."

"You don't think that's kind of dangerous?" The taller man frowned slightly. "I mean, if the Armored and Colossal really are in the 104th and they get suspicious and transform, all those kids are gonna be completely defenseless."

"Defenseless, yes, but also the least likely to be in danger. Mikasa admitted that the Female Titan was more focused on fleeing than dispatching her, despite Eren and Levi's reports that she made a concentrated effort to kill each member of the rear contingency that came after her. Even in Trost, the Colossal Titan didn't attack any of the cadets stationed atop the Wall. They may well be reluctant to hurt their peers if said peers pose no threat to them." Mike stopped, his eyes closing as he inhaled deeply. He let out the breath he was holding slowly, shaking his head.

"I just can't wrap my head around it. The idea that a bunch of kids could be doing this. I mean, think about it- really think about it. If they really are cadets of the 104th, they would have had to have been nine or ten when they first destroyed Wall Maria. When I was ten, I still slept in my parents' bed when I had nightmares."

"It's a horrible thought," Erwin agreed quietly, "but it isn't a possibility we can simply ignore because thinking about it is too uncomfortable. Not all children are given the chance to grow up as innocent as you or I. Think of all those who have witnessed Titans devouring their loved ones. Do we not have a duty to ensure that future children are spared at least one nightmare?" Mike had since opened his eyes, and he stared at the other man for a long time before a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Erwin was immediately set on guard by the sight of it. "What?"

"Nothin', just… you're talking about kids, again…"

"…in the vaguest sense of humanity as a whole, Michaelis."

"Suuuuure…"

"Fuck off."

"I'll ignore that, because I'm such a good friend. And in the spirit of friendship…" The taller man leaned down slightly, whispering, "you might wanna be careful during your honeymoon- it's a dangerous time… Or go nuts, I don't know what you two want." Erwin recoiled, feeling a flush creep up his neck.

"No! God, no! Gross! Don't smell how fertile my wife is, you pervert! What is wrong with you?!" Mike's eyes flashed furiously, and he rounded on his commander.

"I'm not doing it on purpose! You think I enjoy knowing these things? You think I enjoyed knowing exactly when my parents were having sex, or when my sisters hit puberty?! Do you have any idea how bad most people smell? My life is hell! I'm doing you a favor! You're the one who keeps bringing up kids; excuse the fuck outta me for assuming you want one or two!" Erwin's indignant anger fizzled out, leaving a strange uncertainty.

"…do I really come across like I want children?" Mike sighed, quickly calming down as well.

"Honestly, it's hard to tell with you. You're like two separate people, sometimes. One of 'em's easy. He wants to take humanity beyond the Walls, and lay down the foundation for a new, better world out there… The other guy? I don't know what he wants. He wants something, and he wants it bad… but hell if I know what that something is."

"You don't think that's the part of me that wanted to be with Thomasin?" he posited with a wan grin. Mike surprised him by shaking his head slowly, a thoughtful frown on his lips.

"I really don't know. I think that's the part of you I can't smell… you're an enigma, Erwin. A puzzle."

"Thank you?"

"That's not a compliment. I can't figure out what that part of you smells like, or what it wants; that's on you. All I know is, if it wants to start a family, today's your lucky day." A smirk brightened his face. "And I fully expect you to name your first born after me." Erwin raised a thick brow.

"What if my first born is a girl?"

"You heard me."

"…you want me to name my daughter 'Michaelis Smith'?" Mike's lips twisted in disgust.

"My last name's not 'Smith'- I want you to name your daughter 'Michaelis Zacharias'."

"I'm not sure Thomasin would be thrilled about that." The older man heaved a long-suffering sigh.

"Fine. 'Michaelis Lindemann' is also an acceptable name."

Firstborn… It wasn't enough for him to father children- everyone was convinced it had to be more than one. Maybe they figured he needed to make up for lost time; Thomasin was thirty three, after all, and while it didn't matter as much, he would be following soon. Most people within the Walls had multiple children, a small but seemingly hopeless effort to restore what the Titans took away… He was still shaking his head as he entered his quarters, forced to smile at the absurdity of it.

"Thomasin, you won't believe the stupid thing Mike just-" His immediate scan of the room had his eyes fall upon the bed, its corners still immaculately tucked. The hastily folded blue dress set atop it might not have been so strange, nor the note atop it, but the wooden peg leaning against the bed was. Erwin lifted the paper, frowning. Her handwriting was even worse than usual.

I'm popping outside for a bit. I know I'm supposed to stay put, but I'll never see a place like this again in my life, and it's too beautiful to just see the inside of one room. I won't bother any of your Scouts or talk to anyone- I'll be back in an hour, tops. Consider my leg collateral.Oh, and I borrowed your spare uniform…

He really, really should not have been surprised, and honestly, he just found himself more confused than anything. Opening the wardrobe revealed that the shirt and pants he'd worn the other day were gone, but his ODM gear remained where he'd left it… It wasn't as if she could use it efficiently within the base, anyway, but then how was she getting around? Was she crawling or hopping, just to prove a point to him? Possibly. He'd never understand that woman… Folding the note and placing it in his pocket, Erwin bent and grabbed the peg leg. It was quite hefty, probably due to that iron core. The wood had darkened over the years, the leather worn enough to be supple. It seemed so strange that something that was such an integral part of her in his mind could just be left behind. Setting it carefully on the bed beside her uniform, he made his way to his desk and laid the map across it.

While rifling through the drawers for new paper, something outside the window caught his eye. It really shouldn't have- even only on the second floor of the base, the stables were a fair distance away. He probably wouldn't have noticed if the tile shingles, faded and stained though they were, weren't red, allowing anything that wasn't to stand out against them like a sore thumb. He squinted, cupping his hands around the glass to eliminate the reflection of his own eyes. Levi and Thomasin sat beside one another atop the stable roof with the casualness most would reserve for sitting on a couch. Well, Levi was sitting, his injured leg outstretched, the other raised enough for his arm to rest atop the elbow. Thomasin laid on her side, her back to the window as she faced her strange companion.

Neither of them had any business being up there, given that they only had two good legs between them- Erwin had insisted Levi take a room on the ground floor to avoid further injuring himself, and here he was, climbing stables the moment he looked away! As though sensing his commander's irritation at him, the lieutenant raised his head. It could have just been a coincidence, the fact that his gaze seemed to immediately land on the exact window Erwin was standing at, if he didn't proceed to tap his companion's arm and point directly at him. Thomasin followed the direction of his finger and sat up. She was too far away for him to see her expression, but he could only assume by the enthusiasm with which she began waving that she was smiling. Erwin couldn't help but smile himself as he gave a slightly less enthusiastic wave back. If they were doing something untoward, surely she wouldn't react like that? They were outside and it was still daylight; what could they possibly be doing? It was probably nothing. Strange, to be sure, but nothing that was more important that his current duties.

Leaving his lieutenant and wife to resume their conversation, he set the papers on his desk and sat behind it, beginning the process of fine-tuning the plan. It would be incredibly suspicious if half of the Survey Corps appeared in Stohess all at once, so they would be staggering their arrival, the squads of Cecile and Hange's sections arriving through the outer and inner gate of the district (through Ehrmich) with at least an hour in between. Hange had suggested they bring the capture canons, given that they worked far better than expected the first time around, and while that was true, Scouts bringing a dozen wagons into Wall Sina would be met with suspicion and distrust. If any of the MPs started asking questions, it could tip off their prey and put the entire mission into jeopardy.

Creating lists of which squads would be stationed along which streets and which soldiers would be first contact in either apprehension scenario took longer than he'd anticipated. He didn't even notice how dark it had grown until the knock on the door forced him to look up and notice that his shadow spanned the length of the room. The knock came again, and he smiled. None of his soldiers gave three raps.

"Yes? Who is it?"

"I was hoping I could speak with you, Commander."

"I'm afraid I'm quite busy," he said even as he stood, walking over to the door. "You'll have to come back some-" He paused, his hand over the handle as he heard a soft metallic scraping coming from it before the lock clicked and the door swung open. Thomasin beamed at him, leaning on the handle from the other side.

"Too busy for your beloved wife? I don't think so."

"Did you just pick my lock?"

"Well, I had to try, didn't I? When am I ever going to be in a castle again?" She shooed him to the side and, opening the door completely, hopped into the room, pausing to close and even lock the door behind her, ignoring his proffered arm as she made her way to the bed. She spoke as though she were walking as usual. "I hope your lock is just bad because it's old, otherwise I suggest you invest in a new one. Old locks like this can be broken with a piece of string." Picking her prosthetic up, she pivoted to face him, a disapproving look on her face. "Don't put this thing on the bed- it's filthy. You don't put your shoes on the bed." Pushing her breaking and entering aside, Erwin walked over and took a seat on the bed, pulling her down to sit beside him.

"Why did you leave your leg here?"

"I told you, to show that I'm coming back."

"That's stupid, Thomasin. What if something happened and you needed to run-"

"Erwin." She reached out, placing her hand over his, chilled from the breeze. "Do you think that isn't something that's been going through my mind at least once a day for the past four years? Even with ODM gear, if Levi hadn't spotted me that day, I would have been forced to sit on that killing field until another Titan came along and finished what that first one started. You had to carry me off like an invalid. There's a special kind of worthlessness in not even being able to move on your own…" Her voice was hard and bitter.

"Thomasin-"

"I'm not that worthless. Not anymore." The darkness within her eyes vanished, and she gave him a little smile. "You worry about so much all the time, Erwin. The least I can do for you is make sure I'm not one of those things. I can get around just fine on one leg." He frowned slightly. He wasn't doubtful of her claim; humans were incredibly adaptive creatures, after all, and he wasn't at all surprised that the horrific events of the culling were still in the back of her mind after all this time, but he hated hearing her speak of herself in such mean terms. And even so, there was 'getting around just fine' and…

"Even to the roofs of stables?"

"Clearly. I mean, you saw me up there. I didn't fly."

"Did Levi, I have to wonder? He's injured; he isn't supposed to be exerting himself while he heals." It was her turn to frown slightly.

"He said he just pulled a muscle…"

"He lied …I'm surprised you and Levi have such a good rapport. What were you two talking about?" That tiny frown was replaced with a sly grin.

"We were discussing our joint custody of you."

"What?"

"Mm hmm. We came to the conclusion that Mike has had sole custody of you for far too long, so we've revoked his and divvied it up so the two of us each gets you for three days a week, alternating Sundays." Erwin fixed her with a long, deeply scrutinizing stare.

"So you're not going to tell me what you were talking about?"

"What, is it so difficult to believe that is what we were talking about? Levi is very fond of you, you know. Everyone is." Pushing her dress to the side, she laid down on her side, just as she had on the stable roof, looking up at him. She'd left the collar of his shirt unbuttoned as he usually did, but it never gaped so much on him. "I heard some of your meeting while I was on my way out. I didn't want to eavesdrop- Scout stuff isn't any of my business anymore- but there's something about the way you talk that just draws people in… Not just what you say, but how you say it- it's very… reassuring." Shifting, he laid beside her, his hips hanging over the edge of the bed awkwardly, but he ignored the discomfort.

"I feel like there's a caveat in there somewhere. 'Your voice is reassuring… considering all the lies you're telling those poor bastards'. Something like that."

"No caveat," she told him softly. "If you're lying to your soldiers, I assume it's for a good reason." He propped his head up on his arm to better look at her.

"Am I really the kind of person worth the benefit of the doubt?"

"You were so honest when you were young that I kind of forgot that's not always a good thing…" She glanced away from him, lowering her voice. "…I know I said I wouldn't talk to any of your soldiers, but… I kind of did talk to one. Other than Levi."

"Who?" She dropped her voice to a whisper.

"That Titan boy. Eren." She quickly looked up, meeting his eyes, her own entreating. "We didn't talk about any Scout stuff- I wasn't getting classified information from him. It was entirely accidental." He frowned at her.

"What happened?"

"I kind of… got lost on the way back? This place is really big, and every door looks exactly the same. The kid was moping on the stairs and I asked him for directions." Erwin slowly allowed himself to relax a hair.

"Directions aren't talking. Did you actually discuss anything with him?" He wasn't worried about Thomasin wanting information so much as Eren letting something slip without realizing how important it was. Children were not good judges of what information was and wasn't important… Thomasin nodded, rolling onto her back and staring up at the ceiling.

"Little things. I had to tell him who I was, then he gave me his name and I told him that I used to work with his dad. We started reminiscing about Shiganshina." He could hear the wistful smile in her voice. "He got really excited when I told him I used to be a Scout, too. He started talking about how he always wanted to join the Survey Corps, how he dreamed of going outside the Walls, and-" Her voice caught in her throat. "He sounded just like you when you were his age, Erwin… Just like you." His brows furrowed slightly. He knew Eren had wanted to be a Scout, but he assumed that desire was born from a hatred of Titans- as understandable a reason as any. Most people didn't think much about what was on the other side of Wall Maria unless they were given a reason to.

"Did he say… why he wanted to go outside the Walls?" Thomasin nodded, still staring up rather than at him.

"Erwin… have you ever heard of 'The Sea'?" He frowned, completely thrown for a loop.

"The 'C'?"

"It's a giant lake, bigger than any lake within the Walls, but it's filled with salt water. Eren said his friend Armin showed him a picture of it in a book when they were children, and it's been their dream to find it ever since."

"A giant lake…?" He closed his eyes, a memory, dim and faded with age, teasing him from the distant corner of his mind. He tried to grab it, to see exactly what it was. Words, from a long time ago, humanity was forced to sail to a new world… The bed creaked, and he opened his eyes as he felt Thomasin's body press against his.

"You look upset. Should I not have said anything to him?"

"No," he assured her quickly, "it's fine. I was just remembering something from a long time ago, something I think I read once."

"About 'The Sea'?"

"Maybe. I have to wonder, though, where Armin Arlert could have gotten his hands on such a book."

"From his parents, most likely. I mean, where'd you get your hands on all that stuff about humanity before the Walls?" Erwin shook his head, his frown deepening.

"I snuck into my father's study to read those books, and he only tolerated that because I never took them outside that room." And even that couldn't save him. Him telling other children about what his father thought about those books got him killed. "As soon as she found them, my aunt burned them all. Books like that are forbidden because they're older than the Walls; even if it's not begging for a visit from the Military Police, what kind of negligent parent lets a child run around with a priceless artifact?" She scoffed quietly.

"You just answered your own question." She closed her eyes with a gentle sigh. "If I'm being honest, though, the Sea sounds like a better thing to imagine outside the Walls than other people. People are the worst. I'd like to lay down next to a big, peaceful lake and just bask in the sun and look at the sky…" Erwin stared openly at her. That was the first time she'd ever expressed even the slightest interest in anything outside the Walls. He shifted, laying half atop her, though propped onto his forearms.

"Would you want to visit it? This 'Sea'?" Thomasin opened her eyes, staring deeply into his.

"Are you trying to think of a honeymoon location? Or are you just trying to convince me that going outside the Walls isn't a fools' errand?"

"Maybe it's both," he whispered softly, earning a wry smile as she reached up, her arms wrapping around his neck, sweet and languid.

"You know what I want? Sunshine and the summer sky. And I have that right here…" She pulled him down, lifting her head enough to meet him and press her mouth to his. His eyes fluttered shut at once as he attempted to deepen their kiss, but Thomasin's lips were unyielding, setting the pace and expecting him to follow. What choice did he have? It wasn't as though he could pull rank with her.

Really though, why would he want to when her fingers felt so good, running over his shoulders, down his sides, her touch going from firm to feathery soft just as soon as her nails ghosted over his groin, causing him to shudder. What had they been talking about, something outside the Walls? Idiocy- right now, he didn't even care about whatever was outside that door. All Erwin wanted in that moment was to spend the next several hours forgetting about everything that wasn't the sweet mouth he was tasting or the warm body he was pressing into. No, but… there were still mission details to iron out. Hell, he hadn't even begun the process of organizing carriages- they weren't going to be allowed to ride their horses into Wall Sina. With a groan of frustration, he pulled away from her.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, slightly breathless, "I still have work to do."

"Oh. You should probably do it, then." Rolling off of her, he ran a hand through his hair, mussing it but too bitter to care.

Thomasin looked more curious than upset as she watched him retake his position back behind the desk. Were it not for the movement from the corner of his eye, he wouldn't have noticed her hopping over to him. She'd taken off her boot, and her bare foot was all but silent on the hardwood as she maneuvered behind him. Leaning against his back, she looked over his shoulder at the desk.

"Dear god, are you writing a manuscript…?"

"Ha! I wish. Then I could actually put something worthwhile into the world. Writing for ten hours a day is all I do, and nothing good comes of it," he told her, grim. Condolence letter, death certificates… he didn't want to depress her with that. "I know people think I go in the field and fight Titans, but I'm actually just filing taxes on horseback." With a soft chuckle, she rested her hands on his shoulders. Slowly, she began squeezing, rubbing her thumbs in circles into all the knots that kept his muscles tense.

"Are you anywhere close to being done?" He groaned, letting his head fall forward, silently encouraging her to move her hands to the back of his neck. She obliged.

"Almost… until the next mission. So, for about twenty eight more hours." Thomasin scoffed, her thumbs rubbing a spot behind his ears that made him whimper.

"Horrible. You couldn't pay me enough to have your job… Tell you what- if you finish all your work before nightfall, I'll give you reward~" Erwin's head snapped up at once, and he glanced at his wife over his shoulder.

"When you say 'finish', you mean…?"

"I mean, to the point where you won't be actively thinking about this mission. Can you do that?" Probably not, if he were being completely honest with himself. Since the mantle of "Commander" had been thrust upon him, there was hardly a time when his work was far from his mind. That being said, since becoming the Commander, he'd never been married to a goddess of a woman who was slowly trailing her hands over his shoulders and down his chest, rubbing the pads of her fingers over his nipples through the thin white linen of his shirt. With a soft moan, he arched into her touch, only for Thomasin to pull her hands away, waggling her finger at him when he frowned at her.

"No, no- work first."

"I hate you." She gasped, lifting a hand to her heart in mock affront.

"Well! In that case, I guess I'll just leave you to your forms. Good day, sir!" Despite the way she tossed her head, her thick braid didn't so much as sway as she moved away from him, spinning on the ball of her foot as she made to return to the bed. Erwin's hand shot out of its own volition, an iron manacle around her wrist.

"No!" He winced internally at the sound of his own desperation. His voice was more level when he spoke again. "Please… stay with me?" Casting a haughty look from beneath heavy lids, her full lips pursed for a moment before parting as she heaved a long-suffering sigh, the effect of which was slightly diminished by the smile playing around her mouth.

"Alright. I won't leave you by your lonesome, Smith…" With a smile of his own, he pushed the chair back, allowing her room to settle on his lap.

She first sat across his thighs before carefully swinging her leg over his to straddle him, her breasts pressed flat against his chest as she leaned into him, letting her head rest against his shoulder. It felt so natural, as if this were a position they had assumed many times before, and yet Erwin's heart fluttered with the kind of happy excitement that only came from the discovery of something new. He smiled wider as he moved his chair closer to the desk, taking up his pen once more whilst his free hand settled on the small of Thomasin's back. Honestly, this was reward enough in his book, her warm weight draped over him like a sweet-smelling blanket, her fingers gently combing through his hair, her soft breathing an ever-present reminder that there was something worth coming back from their missions to.

Copying addresses and doing mental math still wasn't any sort of fun, but at least this time, his thoughts weren't drifting back to the angry, hateful faces of the people who felt let down by his failure, to the despondent loved ones of the soldiers who died on his orders… One of Thomasin's hands moved from his hair, palm ghosting over the column of his throat, over his chest and stomach to finally rest over his crotch. He groaned softly as she gave his half erect cock a squeeze through the fabric. There was no change in her demeanor as she stroked him through his riding pants, her breathing slow and deep as if she were drowsing, her other hand still lazily running through the fine golden strands on the back of his head. He sucked in a breath as she traced the ridge of his glans with the tip of her nail.

"Do you have to do that now?"

"Do what?"

"That," he growled as she rubbed his slit. He was getting harder by the second, the outline of his cock already well defined against his thigh.

"Oh, that. Yes. Why- is it distracting you?"

"Kind of, yes!" Thomasin lifted her head and fixed him with an exasperated pout.

"Really? You can make formation changes on the fly while you're being run down by Titans, but you can't do math and get your dick stroked at the same time?"

"I can do math while being run down by Titans; I can't do anything when you're touching- ah- Ahhhh…!" He threw his head back, his mouth falling open as she ran her palm hard against the length of his member. She repeated the motion a few times, rough strokes given even more friction from the layers of cloth rubbing against him, before removing her hand and wrapping her arm back around his neck as she leaned against him once more.

"Alright, I'll stop~" Erwin didn't bother holding back his cry of discontent.

"Why are you punishing me like this!?"

"I'm not," she cooed, her smile pressed against his neck where his open collar flared. "I'm just getting you ready for your reward. You remember that, right?"…shit! He'd almost forgotten, and he had a feeling that had been her intention.

Growling low in his throat, the commander sat up straighter. Even concentrating fully on his task, filling out every request form and duplicate file took nearly an hour. He'd had to stop for a moment to light a lamp to have enough light to work by, given that he was (as Thomasin so helpfully pointed out) writing in his own shadow, but the deep indigo clouds were still underlit with a beautiful pinkish gold when he finally set his pen down.

"Done," he declared, leaning back as far as his chair would allow.

"Aww, and just in the nick of time…"

" 'Aww'?" He pulled Thomasin away from him, frowning slightly. "Were you hoping I'd fail your little challenge?"

"Not hoping, per se, but I did think it would be funny to get you all hot and bothered and then leave you like that…"

"…and people have the audacity to call me the devil. You are pure, concentrated evil, Lindemann." He reverted to her maiden name out of habit. She only smiled in response to his jeers, the last remnant of sun gleaming in her dark eyes as the warm glow of the lamp caught on the wispy curls by her ears.

"If I were evil, I wouldn't give you your reward either way. But you've been a very good boy, Smith, and you deserve a treat." She bowed her head, brushing her lips against his as her hands slid from his neck, down along his arms to twine her fingers with his.

Erwin let his eyes slip closed, slanting his mouth to try and deepen their kiss only to have Thomasin break away from him. Her lips didn't move far, however, the sound of disappointment on his tongue morphing into a pleasurable moan as she trailed kisses along his jawline, pausing to suck and nip at the soft skin just over his pulse point. His cock, which had reverted back to a semi-erect state without her ministrations, throbbed as it stiffened fully once more. Pressing a final kiss to the apple of his throat, she pulled back to look at him.

"What…?" he breathed, acutely aware of the flush creeping up his throat while she looked as calm and collected as ever. She smiled at him.

"Just considering some logistics of my own. The last thing I want is for some nosy soldiers to try busting in here because they think you're being assassinated." He raised a brow.

"You think you can make me scream that loud?"

"I can make you cum from body parts you didn't even know you had." The assured nonchalance in her voice told him she wasn't bluffing. She pulled one of her hands free from his, circling the emerald at his throat with one finger. "Now isn't the time for that, however. You need something… simple. Easy." He didn't understand what she was talking about, but he didn't have long to dwell on it as she loosened his bolo tie, pulling it free from his starched collar. Erwin bowed his head as she began pulling it off, but she stopped halfway. Before he could wonder what was wrong, her hand came up to grip his cheeks, squeezing her thumb and forefinger into the tender flesh there just hard enough for him to get the point and open his mouth to relieve the pressure. Utterly bemused, he tried to ask what she was up to, but Thomasin preemptively silenced him by pushing the cabochon between his teeth, pulling the leather cord tight until it dug into the corners of his mouth. He silently questioned what she thought she was doing.

"You have already proven that you get too loud when you're excited. We can't have you making too much noise, Smith. Trust me, it'll be worth it. Now be quiet, and keep your hands to yourself. Can you do that?" In any other situation, the idea of being gagged wouldn't have sat well with him, but Thomasin was still holding his hand, her other hand combing through his hair, her voice that perfect blend of firm but gentle that convinced him to just go along with whatever she said on an instinctive level. So he nodded, gagging slightly as the gold disc pressed against his tongue.

He could already feel saliva building up in his mouth, soaking into the braided leather cord and running down his jaw. Thomasin made a noise indicating that she was pleased with the sight before her, reaching down between them to unbutton his trousers. Reaching into his fly, she pushed his underwear aside and pulled out his cock, earning a strangled moan from him as her hand wrapped around its girth. She gave him a few teasing strokes, focusing on the swollen head and drawing out an even louder moan before releasing him and turning her attention elsewhere. She slowly, methodically, unbuttoned his shirt, not even bothering to unbuckle his ODM harnesses, leaving his cock to twitch, neglected, against her inner thigh. With a strained whimper, Erwin rocked his hips, trying to find some friction.

"What are you doing, Smith," she asked, more engaged with the tiny, pearlescent buttons than the throbbing member dribbling pre-cum onto her leg, "trying to buck me off? I'm not that heavy. What, you don't like this?" He nodded, causing her to raise a brow. "You don't like this?" He shook his head frantically. "…you don't not like this?"

"Yef!" He winced, feeling spit flow over his chin, but his wife snorted with laughter.

"Oh, you do like it. I thought you wanted me to get off of you, but you're just trying to hump my leg like a dog. The paragon of humanity is nothing but an animal with no self control, isn't he~?" He nodded vigorously, the tiny portion of his mind not centered on his throbbing loins wondering when exactly "animal" had become one of the least insulting things a person could call him. Those worthless thoughts were quickly kicked to the wayside as Thomasin shifted, scooting further up on his lap so his cock nestled against the junction of her thighs. He rocked his hips once more, letting his head fall against the high wooden back of the chair. He could feel her heat through the fabric of her pants- his pants, rather, looking better on her than they ever did on him despite being a size and a half too big.

The room was growing darker, and with the light behind her, he couldn't tell if the darkness between her thighs was just a shadow, or if there was a hint of damp there as well. Thomasin hummed lowly in the back of her throat as she pushed his shirt open, dipping her head to run her tongue hard and flat against his nipple while she rolled the other between her fingers. With her other hand, she raked her nails lightly over the tight corded muscles of his stomach, scratching just enough to send a jolt of lightning up his spine and down to his cock. Moaning loudly, Erwin's hands flew to her hips, gripping her curves tight as he thrust against her, leaving his seat entirely with each buck. She slapped his wrist hard enough to sting a little, sitting upright and sliding back away from him.

"No! What did I tell you? Don't touch! Have you forgotten how to follow orders in the last five years?" Erwin tried to apologize, but the words were choked by his tie. Perhaps she could see his remorse in his face, because her stern expression instantly softened and she ran her hands through his hair, mussing it from its usual neat part but pushing it back behind his ears. "Awww, I can't stay mad at you, my sweet… you're like a big, dumb puppy who just doesn't know any better. Do you want me to help you keep those grabby hands to yourself?" He nodded, assuming she would once again lace her fingers with his. Still smiling, she instead clambered off him, shushing his muffled protests.

"Calm down, I'm not going anywhere, dummy. I just gotta… get these… stupid belts off…" Finally unbuckling his chest harness, she slipped it off his shoulders, leaving the belts around his waist and thighs firmly in place. Standing, she hopped behind the chair, tapping his nose when he turned to look at her.

"Hands, please." He had an idea of what she was planning and, with less than a second of hesitation, sat straight once more, shoulders shifting as he moved his arms behind the high backed chair, fists together as though he were standing at attention. She clucked her tongue softly, wrapping the harness around his wrists, the steel buckles clinking quietly as she tied them. "You are such a perfectionist… I hate that about you, but it does have its benefits." He could already feel a bit of strain in his arms and shoulders, the padded back chassis dangling on the floor, but he'd endured far worse.

Sidling back into his field of view, she took a moment to simply look at him. He probably looked a mess, hair and clothes disheveled, his collar soaked with sweat and spit as he panted, his swollen cock straining against his stomach, pre-cum pooling in the folds of the leather wrap around his hips. Just the idea of himself looking so ragged made his skin hot with shame; being so weak, so low, flew in the face of everything he was, everything Commander Smith was… and yet, Thomasin was staring at him as though enraptured. For as almost dispassionately calm as she seemed, he could see by her heaving chest, her parted lips and flushed cheeks, that she was just as affected by this as he was. She caught his eye, and her tongue darted out to wet her lips.

"You're really beautiful, you know? I don't just mean now- although, definitely now, my god… Sometimes, I'd look at you and just want to cry, because you made me feel all these things I couldn't understand…" She leaned over him, hands on the back of the chair, giving him a perfect view down the unbuttoned, gaping collar of his shirt, which was probably why it took a few seconds for him to realize she was trying to push the chair back. He scooted it away from the desk, the legs sliding across the floor with a screech that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Thomasin slowly lowered herself to the floor, her hands trailing down his body as she settled between his legs in a slow, fluid motion, a vision pulled from the fantasies he'd been stroking himself to for the last decade.

"Anticipation… dread… adoration… desire…" She laughed slightly, her warm breath on his cock causing his hands to clench behind his back, his nails digging into his palms. "You were the first person I ever thought about in a sexual manner… really, you were the first person I ever thought about… I used to dream about you, about touching you like this… ever since you had the audacity to show up at my house, dripping wet in that see-through shirt…" Leaning forward, she licked a stripe over the thick vein that ran along the underside of his cock. His hips bucked and she grabbed his thighs, holding him still as she swirled her tongue over his glans. He almost screamed as she pressed the tip of her tongue into his slit, head thrashing back and forth, his hair falling into his eyes.

Without warning, she took him into her mouth. Not very deep, only about halfway, but even so, he could feel the back of her tongue flexing uncontrollably against the head of his cock. She wrapped her fingers around the rest of his shaft, saliva and pre-cum running down his length as she bobbed her head in time with her flicking wrist, the lewd squelching that resulted echoing obscenely against the stone walls. Her pace was almost too fast, aggressive enough to leave his whole body trembling beneath her, but the idea to protest didn't even cross his mind. He'd probably be jerking himself just as hard and fast, and without the wet heat and soft tongue focusing exclusively on his tip.

His thighs clenched as the coil of his release wound tighter and tighter before finally snapping as he cried out around his makeshift gag. His cock throbbed as he came, Thomasin's hand still pumping him. He felt her swallow around him once, but not again despite him spilling more and more into her mouth. Finally, she pulled away, lips pressed together as the final spurt of cum dribbled over her fingers. Reaching around in the dark, she grabbed the trash bin beside his desk, pulled out a piece of scrap paper, and spat the contents of her mouth into it, gagging slightly before crumpling it up and throwing it back in the trash. Breathing hard, her face almost as flushed as his, though not nearly as sweaty, she got her leg under herself and rose with an ease he probably couldn't manage with two legs, sitting on the edge of his desk.

"Sorry, I don't swallow. I know men like that, and I tried, but… nope. Still can't do it." Reaching into his mouth to loosen his bolo tie, he gagged on her fingers, wondering if that was just sweat or his own semen he was tasting. She let the heated, spit covered emerald fall to his chest, wiping her hands on his pants before lightly massaging his jaw.

"Are you alright?" she asked softly, her voice once again gentle and sweet. Finally able to close his mouth, Erwin swallowed as best he could and nodded silently. "You're not too sore?" He shook his head, wishing he could do more to alleviate the concern in her voice, but suddenly feeling the exhaustion of the day catching up to him. "You can't use your words?" He shook his head again, earning a loving coo that made his heart flutter.

"Aww… you brainless idiot… Look at you…" She cupped his cheeks with now dry, albeit sticky hands, forcing him to look up at her. She was smiling at him, so sweet and with such love in her eyes that he couldn't help but smile back. "Not a single thought left in there. Exactly what I wanna see." She kissed his sweaty brow before moving behind him to undo the belts around his wrists. He groaned in relief as he brought his arms around front, stretching his aching muscles. He muttered an unintelligible plea as she began hopping away, reaching out weakly to her. She gave his hand a squeeze, but set it over his stomach.

"I'm just popping into the bathroom for a second." Only when he watched her disappear into the adjacent closet that served as a washroom did he let his eyes close, listening to the creak of wood as she balanced herself on his furniture, a pump handle squealing and rushing water. He was almost dozing off by the time she returned, pressing a glass to his cheek. "Drink. Slowly."

Taking it from her, Erwin let the water flow into his mouth with no thought of swallowing, grateful to just wet his tongue. Thomasin had two damp cloths in her other hand- one she laid over the back of his neck, and the other she used to wipe his face, throat and chest off with. Sitting on the edge of his desk, his wife cast a discerning eye over him.

"How do you feel?" Finally swallowing, he let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

"Exhausted."

"Other than that?" He had to think for a moment, a difficult task given how fuzzy his mind felt. The realization struck him suddenly.

"Relaxed." Thomasin smiled knowingly.

"That's what I was hoping to hear." She rubbed his calf with her foot. "You shouldn't waste this. They're probably just starting meal prep, so I think you should at least get in a quick nap before dinner, then eat, and go back to sleep."Erwin frowned, or at least tried to. It was difficult when his lips kept trying to twist into a grin.

"Is that was this was all about? You trying to make me catch up on my rest?"

"…perhaps." He let the smile finally tug at his sore cheeks, leaning forward to press a quick kiss against her lips. She'd rinsed her mouth, but he could still taste a trace of himself on her.

"My little bird, always looking out for me… I don't deserve you…"

"You deserve everything, love. I just wish I could do more for you…"

"…then sleep with me." He still wasn't used to just saying what he felt aloud, years and years of carefully policing his words a difficult habit to break.

"What?"

"Take a nap with me. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms- preferably without sobbing this time."

"If you want to cry, that's fine-"

"I assure you, I do not." She shrugged, reaching down to unbuckle the tightly cinched belt around her waist.

"Suit yourself. I'm hardly gonna pass up the opportunity to sleep before midnight." With the belt undone, she didn't even need to unbutton the pants, her hips not as wide as his, apparently. She pulled them down, only really needing to slide them off the one leg before folding them roughly and standing. His shirt covered her legs to about mid-thigh, meaning he could only see the one as she hopped over to the bed. "Take those filthy clothes off before you come to bed." Erwin gave her a wry smirk as he began undoing the rest of his belts.

"These are my clean clothes; you're wearing what I had on during the expedition."

"Well, that explains the pit stains. Still, you weren't fucking in this," she pointed out, pulling down his covers and climbing under them. With his clothes folded, he blew out the lantern. There was a tiny part of him that remained disappointed as he climbed in behind her. He'd stripped down to his underwear, but she was still wearing his shirt.

That thin little barrier felt as thick as Wall Rose, keeping them from fully touching… keeping them separated. She'd allowed him a peek inside her mind, her soul, whatever you wanted to call it, but it felt almost superficial when she wouldn't allow him to get even this close. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her body into the curve of his own, trying to leave as little distance between them as possible.

~o0o~

His mind awoke suddenly, fully, but his body continued drowsing. He opened his eyes and was grateful to find the room almost completely dark, the only light that of the moon, its weak, silvery glow barely enough to illuminate a few edges and corners. Erwin closed his eyes again. He didn't need to see, not now. He could feel, and that was enough. Thomasin was even warmer when she slept, something he remembered years after they shared a bed in Trost. She was softer too, pliant, her body molding to fit perfectly against his. It had probably only been an hour or two at most since he last came, and he was half hard again already, his cock pressed snugly against her ass.

Pressing his face against the soft mat of her hair, he let his hand roam, from where it had settled over her stomach down over the jut of her hip, over her thigh, gently squeezing and kneading the flesh there until he reached the end of her stump. Swallowing hard, he ran his palm over it, tracing the seam-like scar until he could all but see it in his mind's eye. It's gross, she'd said.You don't wanna see that, she'd said, as though she had no idea who she was talking to. As though there were anything about her he didn't find fascinating and beautiful.

He rocked against her, his cock growing harder as his hand began its journey north, the other buzzing uncomfortably as it lay trapped beneath her head. He dragged his finger over her slit, the fabric covering it slightly damp. He imagined it was from earlier, when she'd knelt between his legs with her pupils so blown out with lust her eyes looked like black voids… and yet, she'd given no indication that she desired any release. He only knew what she let him know, and she only let him know the outermost layer of herself… not even that.

Pulling her collar aside, he nuzzled against her neck, her skin muffling the sound of his heavy breathing as he tugged down his underwear, freeing his stiff cock. He thrust between her thighs, his hand trailing up until he could cup her breast. Her breathing remained slow and deep, even as his hitched with pitiful little whimpers and moans. It was easy to assume she was still fast asleep, which was why he barely registered her shifting until he felt her arm move against his, her hand reaching down to the waistband of her underwear.

He froze, his heart beating wildly in his chest in a way only guilt could produce as she silently shimmied out of her panties, reaching behind herself to grab his cock and, lifting her thigh slightly, align him with her slit. He didn't need to be told- his hips snapped forward, sheathing himself as deeply as he could from this angle with a loud groan pulled from deep in his chest. There was no reason to be quiet any longer since she was clearly awake, but Thomasin didn't see it like that, twisting in his embrace to clumsily clap her right hand over his mouth.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Shut up!" She whispered harshly. Pulling his arm from under her head, Erwin pushed her hand away.

"No one is here," he told her, not bothering to whisper, not even bothering to stop thrusting. "Everyone is in the mess hall, and Levi is sleeping on the ground floor because of his injuries. No one can hear me… no one but you." He kissed the spot behind her ear, running his tongue along the shell and letting out a shuddering moan as she clenched around him. "How can you be upset… when you're the one… making me like this…?" he panted as he increased his pace.

Thomasin didn't answer, but neither did she shush him as he groaned loudly again. He moved his hand back down, between her legs, gathering the wetness that spilled out with every thrust on his fingers and using that to rub and stroke her the way she had shown him she liked. That earned a strained little whimper from her, but that wasn't good enough for him. He rubbed her faster and harder, just as she had sucked him, until she was gasping and jolting against him and he could hear how wet she was, the lewd sucking every time he drew out of her and the squelching when he thrust back in. Combined with the wet slap of flesh on flesh and the creaking and knocking of the bed hitting the wall, his moaning was barely even noticeable.

He heard her, though, strained whimpers almost like sobs as she rocked back against him, her thighs pressed tightly together, adding to the pressure as her cunt clenched around him and she shook. His orgasm hit as she was still crying out her own, which was probably why she didn't notice the thick arm locked around her waist, squeezing the air from her until she tried to catch her breath.

"What are you doing?" He could barely comprehend her words as euphoria surged through his veins and he pressed himself deeper into her hot, wet cavern.

"Cumming… cumming- oh, f-fuck, you're so good-"

"Fuck! Erwin, get off of me! Get off!"

She pried his arm off her and scrambled to put as much distance between them as the narrow bed would allow. They were underneath a blanket, and the late spring air was as balmy as it could be, but after being engulfed in the blissful heat between her legs, his cock felt cold as his remaining seed spurted across her thighs and dribbled onto the sheet between them. That chill overtook his whole body, as though he'd been lowered into an ice bath.

"Wh- Why are you pulling away from me?"

"You brainless idiot!" She rolled over to face him, as though the room weren't cast in almost complete darkness. "You're supposed to pull out!" He frowned, trying to remember when that rule was set in place. He remembered her prefacing their first time together by saying that she had no intention of getting pregnant that day, and her taking the initiative to draw away from him before he came, but…

"I thought that was just…" She waited for him to continue, prompting him sharply.

"You thought that was just what?"

"Because we weren't… together…"

"Togthe- Erwin, are you stupid? Do you not know where babies come from?"

"Of course I do!" he snapped, getting fed up that she was acting as though his desire for intimacy was tied to an intellectual deficiency. "It made sense then, but… we're married now!"

"That doesn't change anything!"

"It changes everything!" His voice seemed far too large for the small room, the thick stone walls doing nothing to dampen the sound.

"Erwin…" Thomasin's voice was almost a whisper in comparison. "…do you… want kids?" His stomach flopped uncomfortably, and he rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling even though he couldn't make anything out.

"I don't know," he admitted quietly. "It's not something I actively want. I've… thought about it. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. Marie wanted children, and when she would talk about our hypothetical family, I'd think 'that sounds nice', but as soon the conversation ended, I wouldn't give it a second thought …Sometimes, I imagine what our hypothetical children might look like, what it would feel like to… hold a child that was born of our love… it's not a terrible thought." He turned his head to face her. "I wouldn't go out of my way to make it happen, but if it did, I wouldn't mind. I… I'd be fine with one or two kids."

It felt so strange to say aloud, a confession he didn't even realize he was harboring, but… it was true. Maybe he wasn't as zealous about fatherhood as Nile, and he probably never would be, but it would be a lie to say the thought of a son or daughter with his eyes and their mother's smile staring up at him didn't melt his heart a little. Thomasin had been quiet beside him the entire time he spoke, and remained quiet even now.

"Do… you want childr-?"

"No." He flinched slightly, unsure what threw him off so much. Was it the cold firmness in her voice, or the fact that the answer was spilling off the tip of her tongue before he even finished asking? "I would rather kill myself than be a single mother." He frowned, shifting back onto his side a bit to better face her.

"But you wouldn't be a single mother…" He reached out, seeking her hand in the darkness. He traced his fingers over her palm, over each finger itself. "You're married now, remember? To me?"

"…that doesn't change anything." Anger flared in him. He clenched his teeth so hard, his jaw hurt.

"I think it changes a great deal, actually. Unless, on top of being an idiot, you also think I'd be a deadbeat? I have money, Thomasin- quite a bit of money saved up, actually. We wouldn't be living in Mitras, but I assure you, I can provide a comfortable life for you and any would-be children we had." She pulled her hand away from him, rolling onto her other side again to face the wall, curling up against it as though she wanted to melt into the stone. "Thomasin-"

"It's fine, Erwin. Forget I said anything. I'll take care of this when I get home." He frowned, not sure what there was to "take care of" in the first place. Tentatively, he reached out, laying a hand on her shoulder, heartened slightly by the fact that she didn't flinch away from him, at least.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked, his voice a barely audible whisper.

"No… if anything, I'm mad at me." She laughed humorlessly. "This is the kind of thing people are supposed to iron out before they get married. 'Where do you wanna live? Do you want kids?'- that sort of thing… I just didn't ever expect this to happen." Slowly, his hand moved from her shoulder, across her chest, pulling her into half an embrace as he shifted closer, trying to ignore the wet, sticky sheets.

"Well… we can talk about those things now, you know? If you could live anywhere, where would you prefer?" She shook her head.

"I can't think about moving now. I have to go to work on Monday." Erwin groaned, exasperated, as he pulled her closer, rocking her slightly.

"Hypothetically. Forget about work- forget about everything. In a perfect world, where would you want to live?" She remained silent, stiff. "Maybe… a little cottage by a lake?" he suggested, encouraged as she relaxed somewhat in his grasp. "With a decently-sized plot of land for a garden. We can grow our own vegetables… and maybe even have a few fruit trees…"

"And chickens," she whispered, causing him to smile as he hugged her tighter.

"Yes, plenty of chickens. And maybe a cow." Thomasin looked back at him, frowning slightly.

"Cows are big though, aren't they? That might be a bit much."

"But I want milk," Erwin argued. "Milk and eggs for cake… and to piss Levi off."

"Huh? Since when does he not like cake?"

"He doesn't mind cake. But when he and Mike and everyone come to visit, we can serve them tea with milk." He lowered his voice into a conspiratorial whisper. "Levi hates milk in his tea. Says its like drinking out of a mud puddle."

"And you would make him drink that?"

"He has wasted so much of our funding on tea, and I have to let him because he carries our missions! But not in my house. My house, my rules…" He gasped suddenly, delighted. "I can make a rule banning Hange from talking about their stupid Titan experiments, and when they do it anyway, I can just kick them out and threaten to shoot them if they break back in…! I can fill all the rooms I don't want Mike to go in with scented oils… and threaten to shoot him if he breaks back in!" Thomasin chuckled softly.

"Sounds like this discussion is just turning into what your dream house would be like…" That was… He didn't even realize that's what was happening, that he was turning the discussion from her back to himself. As he so often did.

"I'm sorry-"

"No, no! It's fine. I like this." She rolled back over so that they faced each other. The moon cast a silvery glow on just enough of her face for him to see that she was smiling at him. "Keep going. What draconian measures would you put in place to keep Horace and Cecile in line?"

"See, that's the thing; I don't have to with them. Because they're normal. They would be good house guests. Cecile would probably spend the entire time alluding to things she'd like to take back with her, and Horace would put his two cents in regarding what furniture should go where regardless of how much I don't want his opinion, but they don't go out of their way to make my life harder, unlike some people." Erwin sighed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Thomasin's. "They're probably the only reason I've stayed as sane as I have all these years. First it was Lisa and Gerwalt, and now them… a buffer against all the madness I'm inundated with day in and day out…"

"They're probably a bit mad, too. They just hide it well… like you do." Her words were a warm breath against his lips, and he leaned forward, to seek out hers.

"You think I'm mad?"

"Well, I certainly don't think you're sane." She hummed quietly. "But I don't think anyone living within the Walls is… How can anyone hope to stay sane when their life is a never-ending parade of horror?" She sighed, snuggling closer to him, and muttering something under her breath. He only caught the tail-end of what she said, "-into a life like this…?"

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