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Ch.38- "Powerless"

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A/N- Recommended listening- Attack on "D"

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Bathed in the deep golden glow of the setting sun, the sparse plains seemed aflame. The few Titans they encountered were isolated and far apart enough that they could avoid them without going too far off course. They only had about an hour of usable light left, and while the Titans coming after them would soon begin to grow slow and sluggish, the Shifters they were seeking wouldn't.

"Red smoke, about thirty meters southeast, sir!" Dayton, one of the few surviving captains from Cecile's squad informed him. Erwin had already loaded another green smoke shell into the chamber, but no sooner had he pulled the trigger than two more pillars of red smoke rose from the direction he'd intended them to go.

"The Hell…?" More and more angry red gashes cut across the sky.

"It must be a horde… a big one, too…" Horace muttered under his breath before raising his voice. "There are still Titans on our rear, Commander; if we don't change course, we'll get boxed in."

"It looks like there's a clear path back northwest, sir! If we double back-"

"Negative, Captain. We stay the course."

"But-!"

"We don't have time for detours. Reiner and Bertholdt have doubtless already seen our flares- they won't wait on us. Send the order back for all soldiers to equip blades and prepare for combat as a last resort!" The hesitation lasted only a second.

"Sir!" As Dayton fell back, Horace pulled up closer to him, his low voice almost impossible to hear over the thudding of hooves and clattering of tack and blades.

"Do you really believe that the Garrison and MPs aren't going to break formation the second they spot a Titan up close?"

"If they value their lives, they won't."

Of course, it was naive to think that logic could override something as deep and primal as fear. There was a reason most soldiers joined the Survey Corps when they were still teenagers; for all the things they lacked, like strength and foresight, children were malleable. Two or three expeditions beyond the Wall, and repressing that fear became second nature. Only a fool could expect the same of an adult set in their ways- old dogs, new tricks- but as grim a thought as it was, Erwin was not concerned with what the Garrison and Military Police would do. The forest was right up ahead, the formation had done its work. Clumsy, pot-bellied men who hadn't vertically maneuvered in twenty years weren't going to be much help navigating the trees. If they broke formation, well… maybe they could lead some of the Titans away. Thunder rumbled in the distance, but the sky looked clear.

"That light!" Mikasa cried out. Armin paused in unsheathing his ODM grips.

"I think someone's transforming into a Titan!"

"Then we're out of time. Squad Five! Head into the forest and switch to ODM gear! All other squads, disperse and fall around the perimeter! Do not engage in combat unless it is absolutely necessary; your objective is to find Eren and retrieve him!"

There were definitely Titans in the forest, but not the ones they were looking for. Smelling a banquet of fresh meat, they stumbled and ran and crawled from beyond the trees, teeth gleaming as saliva flooded their grotesque mouths, misshapen hands swiping at the soldiers, spindly fingers closing around them. The Scouts had plenty of experience avoiding Titans on horseback, their steeds trained well enough to adjust to even the slightest shift in their rider's weight, and even some of the Garrison soldiers demonstrated proficiency, but the Military Police were not so lucky. It had been too long since they'd sat a horse for anything but lackadaisical escorts down cobbled streets, and it showed as they were quickly picked off. The air soon filled with a discordant choir of screams.

"Erwin," Horace shouted at him, "we're losing soldiers left and right! We won't have enough to make it back at this rate!"

"Inconsequential! How many of us make it back doesn't matter- the only thing that matters is recovering Eren!" A crack, so loud and close it made his ears hurt, followed by a rumble he felt more than heard. No, it wasn't the rumble of thunder; it was the thud of footsteps, massive footsteps. Looking up, Erwin's jaw went slack as he found himself staring at the strangest, ugliest amalgamation of parts he'd ever seen. It took a second to realize it was two Titans, a smaller, oddly proportioned one with a grossly oversized head perched on the shoulder of what had to be the Armored Titan. 'Bullshit; that doesn't look like Commandant Stark at all…' He pulled hard on his horse's reins, wheeling the creature around so sharply it was a miracle they didn't both fall.

"ALL SQUADS! Fall in! Let the Titans chase you; follow my lead!"

"Erwin, you conniving bastard! You're using us as bait!?"

"It's the only way! We cannot allow the Armored Titan to escape with Eren! You've done well thus far, soldiers; remain steadfast!"

They were riding directly into the sunset- it would severely hamper their visibility, but hopefully, it would have the same effect on their target. Glancing over his shoulder just long enough to ensure that the horde of Titans from the forest were trailing behind him and his soldiers, Erwin looked back at the Armored. While it didn't look like Commandant Stark, he could see the basis of the comparison now. It was at least as tall as Eren's own Titan, but almost twice as broad with heavily muscled legs thick as tree trunks. Its "armor" looked less like a suit of metal plating and more like a craggy stone skin that was pulled too tight, splitting in places and revealing the raw, red muscle beneath.

'Where did you come from,' he wondered, as he led the procession of soldiers and Titans in a wide arc. Its' movements were that of a person running at a light jog, but its massive size meant that every step covered several meters. Still, it wasn't nearly as fast as the Female Titan, meaning that if they rode at a gallop, they could easily outpace it. 'Where are you going? Beyond Wall Maria? What's out there…?' For one horrible, horrible moment, Erwin stopped thinking about the mission, about Eren, about the soldiers behind him screaming when they were picked off by Titans who got too close… He wondered what would happen if he just followed these children, Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover, if those were even their actual names. Were there people waiting for them in another enclave hidden behind other walls- more enemies or harried parents? Were they perhaps one and the same?

He could see Bertholdt kneeling on a hardened plate of the Armor's shoulder- his ODM hooks must have been anchored in the exposed muscles of its' neck. Meaning his own ODM hooks would be able to latch onto the same place. If he went up there and held a blade to the boy's throat, would he tell him where they were trying to flee, or would he let himself be killed rather than interrogated? All those thoughts and visions of "what-ifs" flashed before Erwin's eyes in the time it took to blink, and when he did, they were booted from his mind. They turned a wide arc, and with the sun no longer in his eyes, he could see clearly. He could not waste time or mental acuity on childish wonders; all he needed to focus on was the thing in front of him, these ugly, loathsome monsters that were responsible for so much death and destruction.

"All squads, scatter! Get as far away from the Titans as possible!" He veered off to the right, watching as the Armored lowered its head, putting on a burst of speed and leaning into a run shoulder first. This must have been the way it- no, the way he, Reiner Braun, destroyed the southern gate of Wall Maria. For one terrible second, Erwin had a vision of the beast plowing straight through the dozens of mindless Titans the same way he'd plowed through hundreds of kilos of brick and mortar. But Titans were made of stronger stuff than what human hands could forge. The force of his impact did indeed burst through about two of them, rupturing skin and shattering bones, but running into the wall of flesh slowed his momentum enough for the Titans to pile on just as they had with the Female Titan. Their dull teeth and fingers did nothing against the hardened skin, but watching this monster get devoured had never been Erwin's intention.

A stony plate lowered, revealing a lipless grimace as jaws opened far beyond what a human's could and it began roaring, screaming, that same desperate, animalistic shriek that the Female Titan unleashed. But this time, rather than fill his heart with fear, the sound only tempered his loathing into a steely resolve. Doubling back, the blood pounding in his ears almost drowned out the weak voice of one of the recruits.

"Is this hell…?"

"Not yet- but it will be! All soldiers, CHARGE!" Erwin raised his blade, the sun catching on the metal and lighting it like a white-hot flame, a beacon for his soldiers to follow. "This moment will decide the fate of humanity! Without Eren, we will never reclaim these lands! There will be no world tomorrow if we fail today! Reclaim him and retreat!" He beat his fist against his chest with more fervor, more devotion, than he had ever been able to muster up in his life. "Dedicate your hearts, your souls! To the mission! To humanity!"

A great roar rang out, not the scream of a Titan, but the raw, primal determination of humans who would not let their hope be torn from them until they were dead and buried. The Armored Titan shifted, bringing its arms away from its neck, beating the mindless Titans away and leaving Bertholdt and Eren fully exposed. That was their opening- their only opening.

"ADVANCE-!"

CRACK

He didn't even feel it at first. His mind simply went blank. And then the pain came so sharp, so sudden, that it didn't seem real. His soldiers were moving past him- no. He was moving backwards, the rocks crushing his arm dragging him away. His head was swimming, his vision blurring as bile rose in his throat.

"Commander Erwin!" Gritting his teeth, his other hand tightened around the leather grip of his blade's handle, the weight of it grounding him.

"I said, ADVANCE, GODDAMMIT! Eren's right in front of you! DO NOT FALTER!" Even as most of the soldiers continued riding ahead, a handful of them ignored his orders, doubling back. The Titan holding him gave him a vicious shake, and the force of it nearly caused him to black out. This one was an Abnormal- that was the only reason he was still alive.

I am not going to be eaten by a Titan- that is the one way I refuse to die…!

Those weren't his thoughts, his words, but by God, they were right. Erwin could already feel that his humerus had been broken, shattered most likely by the force of the bite. The only thing the Titan was holding onto was cloth and skin. Breathing hard, he reached up with his left arm and swung the blade with all his might. It scraped against the Titan's teeth but struck true, severing canvas and linen and the flesh beneath. He hit the ground so hard, it knocked the breath from his lungs. He had to get up. That monster wouldn't be satisfied with just an arm. 'Move,' he shouted at his body, 'Move! Fucking move, god damn you…!'

"Erwin!"

"Commander!" The ground shook and he curled into himself on sheer instinct alone. Iceburst exhaust and Titan steam filled his nose and settled on the back of his tongue, mixing with the heady, metallic tang of blood.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck… Erwin, can you hear me?!" Strong hands wrapped around his chest, dragging him into a sitting position. He opened his eyes, and Horace's face swam before him.

"I told you… to advance-"

"Oh, fuck off with that! Shit, you're bleeding like a stuck pig!" He began looking around, for what, Erwin couldn't tell until he made it clear. "June! Robert! Get me a stick- not too big but something that won't break!"

"Yes, sir!" Using his blade, he began cutting off strips of his cloak. He was breathing hard, but his voice was firm and steady.

"Listen to me, Erwin. I don't want you believing that shit you're spouting."

"What shit? What're you talking about…?"

"This whole 'Eren is our future', 'Eren is the most important thing' bullshit. You are our future. You kept us alive all these years- you kept the Survey Corps from falling apart after Wall Maria fell! You are the one who's going to save humanity, not some fucking Titan!"

Grabbing his blade once more, he began cutting away what remained of Erwin's sleeve, throwing the blood soaked cloth away from them as he wrapped the green strips near the edge of the severed flesh. Another Scout ran up, holding out a selection of sticks. Horace grabbed two, tying the straighter one against the material before shoving the other between Erwin's teeth.

"Bite down." He barely had time to register what was being said before the other man began twisting and twisting and twisting. Erwin screamed, the sound muffled by the filthy wood in his mouth. He would have liked to show some decorum, but he couldn't stop thrashing, his fingers scrambling in the dirt for something to ground himself. "You're fine, Smith- the pain means it's working!" Finally, when it felt as though another Titan had clamped down on his arm, Horace stopped twisting, tying the stick in place just under his armpit. "How do you feel?"

"'m dying…"

"Nah, you're fine-"

"Section Commander! There are Titans closing in on our six!"

"What?!" Erwin barely had enough strength to raise his head, but the sight of those distended, malformed bodies charging at them sent a flood of adrenaline surging through his veins. He pushed himself to his feet, only stumbling a little.

"We have to clear a path for Eren's retreat! Everyone, engage- oof!" Horace bent and threw him over his shoulder, whistling with the hand not holding him in place.

"Get on your horse, Erwin."

"No! I have to-"

"I'm not fucking asking you! The rest of you! You're the Commander's escort! You protect this man with your lives, you hear me?!"

"Yes, sir!" Locking a fresh blade in his other handle, the older man chuckled weakly as he looked back at the horde of Titans quickly closing the distance between them.

"I'll clear your path back. I might not be Levi or Mike, but I can hold my own."

"Horace-"

"Don't worry; I'm not gonna puss out." He glanced back at his commander, and Erwin could see tears dripping past his smile. "It's been an honor, Erwin." His hooks sank into the nearest tree, drawing him up, towards the oncoming Titans. Breathing hard, Erwin sat up straighter in his saddle. Don't look back…

"Forward, Scouts! Don't let these sacrifices be in vain!"

He'd never have realized just how hard it was to ride single-handed. He had to hold both sides of the reins in his left fist, which was also clenched around the ODM grip. Ducking and weaving between Titans and dead horses and dead soldiers was a challenge even when one wasn't operating at a disadvantage. But he couldn't stop, not now, not for the horror, not for the pain… The Armored Titan was right there, its arms too busy throwing skull-shattering punches at the few Titans that still clung to it to protect Bertholdt… or Eren.

They were right there… Bertholdt wasn't even looking at him, focused instead on the Armored- no. There was something else there, someone else, a green cloak and blonde hair. He was so close, goddammit! For the first time since he'd joined the Scouts and learned the maneuver, Erwin felt the cold hand of fear tickle his spine as he drew his feet onto the saddle and crouched. Even if his vision wasn't blurring, his balance was severely compromised, but he couldn't let that stop him. He couldn't fail. He only had one chance… Taking aim, he fired off his left hook. It sank in the exposed muscle of the Armored's throat.

Squeezing the trigger for all he was worth, he reeled himself in, drawing his arm over Bertholdt's chest in a savage upward slash, cutting through the bonds that held Eren in place, through the boy's shirt and skin, cutting all the way down into the muscle until his blade scraped against the sternum. Another soldier swung around the Armored, catching Eren before he could hit the ground. Repelling down the craggy skin as though it were a cliff face, Erwin dropped into his saddle, wincing as the impact probably fractured his tailbone, but that was just one more pain to ignore.

"All hands, RETREAT!"

The Armored roared again, a cry of pure frustration. Even if Reiner was trying to call for reinforcements, it was too late; they had enough of a gap that they could outpace him-

"LOOK OUT!" The sky went dark as something massive passed over their heads, landing in front of them in a cloud of dust and dirt and steam. Another roar, another passing shadow, another explosion further hampering their visibility.

"What in the…?"

"They're Titans! The Armored's throwing Titans at us!" Erwin grit his teeth. The audacity of this bastard, using his own tactic against him.

"Spread out! Don't ride in a straight line!" Unfortunately, they couldn't spread out enough to avoid the clouds of dust. It filled his eyes and nose and throat, choking him, blinding him, but he could still hear. Footsteps, coming from multiple sides, but with all the screaming and roaring, he couldn't tell which way to dodge. Another Titan screeched, this one higher pitched than the Armored, but far, far closer. Erwin's heart stopped as claws as long as his head came at him, attached to a too-long arm corded with sinewy muscle. 'Oh god… oh god, please just take my head off this time…'

But those claws didn't pierce his skull. They didn't so much as touch him, swinging over his head at another Titan so hard and fast that the resulting gust sent him tumbling out of his saddle, his blades scattering as he hit the ground. He landed hard on his right side, his stump knocked against the dirt and, numb as it was, it still felt like someone had poured molten slag into his veins. The pain was unfathomable. It was too much, and he vomited, every retch a pick being driven into his temples.

"Commander! Commander Erwin!" The voice was getting closer, Horace's XO Robert running up to him. Gasping as saliva laced with bile dripped from his lips, Erwin pushed himself out of the dirt.

"I… am replaceable… Focus on the mission… Get Eren… and go-!" A muffled scream cut his orders short, and he looked up to see Robert dangling from the mouth of a six-meter Titan. His arms and legs flailed desperately as he tried to free his head from the vice of its teeth, but there was a wet crunch and all four limbs went limp. Erwin blinked slowly, sitting back on his calves as he watched the body drop. 'Oh… Well, then… this is how I die…'

He'd tried- he really had- but it didn't matter in the end. They couldn't reclaim Eren… the Armored and Colossal Titans were running loose… humanity was doomed.

All his efforts had been in vain.

"Commander! Sir, the Armored! It's coming this way!" Tilting his head back, Erwin stared at the clouds drifting lazily overhead, painted in vibrant shades of gold and pink against the darkening sky. They would have been even more beautiful if he were watching them from atop the Wall.

Is that why you wanted to go on top of the Wall? To see where the birds and clouds went? To see where there were no more worries…?

I guess you could say that… I didn't see anything, though; not what I was hoping to see, at any rate…

"Oh god, Commander! Commander!"

'Hey, Thomasin…? If we can be reborn into a better life, I hope we can be birds… Two little birds that can fly away from all these nightmares…'

Another Titan lumbered closer, hot sticky drool already tinged with the blood of its prior victim glistening on its lips. Breathing hard through gritted teeth, Erwin adjusted his grip on his blade, bringing it up against his throat. He couldn't fight, not like this, but he'd be damned if he died crying and begging for mercy from a demon incapable of feeling such a thing. The massive hands reaching for him stopped suddenly, something almost like consciousness flashing in its glassy eyes. It then turned on its heels, running off in the opposite direction.

His arm fell limply to his side as he watched the surrounding Titans do the same, all of them charging with a single-minded fervor. They ignored the surviving soldiers, running off towards… something. Another Titan, it seemed, tackling it, and ripping it apart with their fingers and teeth. Just like what happened with the Female Titan. Sheathing his blade, Erwin stuck his fingers in his mouth, whistling for all he was worth. It took all his strength and then some to pull himself into the saddle, but he managed it. This was their only chance, their only hope…

"Soldiers, retreat!"

~o0o~

There were less than fifty of them left, barely any of that number wearing the insignias of the Garrison and Military Police. How many dozen upon dozens of bodies were they leaving out here? No, he couldn't think about that, not now. There weren't enough soldiers left for even a small-scale scouting formation, so they all had to maintain constant vigilance and stay on the lookout for Titans. A task easier said than done when Erwin's eyes kept slipping shut and he kept tilting in his saddle. Night was falling quickly, but they couldn't have that much further to go. The Wall had to be just ahead of them. He blinked hard, trying to keep the dark, blurry edges of his vision at bay. The stars looked exceptionally close tonight- no. Not stars, too dim, too orange. Flames. Torches.

The Wall.

Safety.

Salvation.

There were Garrison soldiers already waiting on the ground to meet them, probably sent from Calaneth.

"Commander Erwin, is- is this everyone…?"

"Yes…" He tried to dismount, but his foot was stuck in the stirrup and he couldn't catch himself as he fell. Multiple pairs of arms caught him before he hit the ground. One of them brushed against the swollen, bloody stump of his arm, and he screamed in agony.

"Commander, what- shit, his arm! Hurry! Get him on the lift!" The Garrison soldiers half carried, half dragged him onto the wooden platform, and as it lurched to life, he stumbled and probably would have toppled over the railings had they not been holding him steady.

"Don't worry, Commander Erwin; you're gonna be fine. We've got medics waiting." Medics…

"My wife…"

"Huh?"

"Is my wife here…?" There was a pause.

"Um… wh-who is your wife, Commander?"

"Thomasin. She's a… Garrison nurse…"

"She's probably already in Trost, then. Don't worry, sir; we'll have her sent for." Sighing, he closed his eyes, what little strength he had left leaving him all at once.

"Commander? Commander Erwin? Can you hear me!?" He could, but it was faint, so faint and the words were so hard to make out, as though they were coming from far away. He was so tired. Everything hurt, his body, his heart, his very soul… he needed to rest, now.

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A/N- Holy crap, this is one of the shortest chapters I've ever written.