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Ch.39- "Weak"
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For a very long time, there was only darkness. Sometimes it was cold, sometimes warm, and others, burning hot, but it always remained all encompassing. It was as though he were underwater, completely submerged but floating, existing in limbo. Then the darkness gave way to dreams. Or maybe not. Maybe they were memories, or maybe flashes of reality, but they all mixed and melted together, slipping away when he tried to focus on them. He remembered pain, though. And voices. Familiar and not at the same time. More than once, he heard his father speaking to him, his voice low and quiet and soothing, lulling him into a more peaceful sleep.
It was difficult to tell when, or even how, he awoke. Consciousness came slowly, first as the grudging realization that the bed he was laying in wasn't the one he'd spent his childhood sleeping in. It was too big, the mattress too stiff, the covers too scratchy. The air smelled strange, musty and slightly sour, but covered mostly by the stringent bite of antiseptic and the cloying balm of flowers. As his mind woke more and more, he also grew aware that he wasn't alone. He could hear deep, heavy breaths, slightly out of sync- more than one person. His eyes felt like they had been glued shut, but he forced them open, blinking slowly until the world came into focus.
He was staring up at a familiar ceiling, the same cracks and uneven plaster he'd been waking up to the sight of for the last five years. The room was unusually gloomy. Erwin turned his head slightly to the side, and regretted it immediately. That tiny motion hit him with a wave of nausea so bad, he almost vomited then and there. Swallowing hard, he panted until the churning in his stomach eased somewhat. His curtains were closed, drawn so tight that not a sliver of light shone through, despite the fact that it was probably past noon. He frowned slightly at the figure silhouetted against the window. Levi was in his plainclothes, his arms crossed loosely, his chin resting against his chest as he dozed in a straight backed chair. There was a metal pole beside him, a glass bottle attached to the top with a length of tubing running from it. It looked medical in nature, but it was nothing Erwin had ever seen before. That was the source of one of the breaths he'd heard.
Far slower, far more carefully, he turned his head to the other side. Thomasin was also sitting in a chair, far less poised than Levi, slumped over almost double. The shirt she wore wasn't her own, its buttons unable to even be done up all the way. Hange's, maybe. One of the Survey Corps' dark green cloaks had been draped over her shoulders, a makeshift blanket. The pain in his head was getting worse, and the nausea was coming back. He groaned softly, and Thomasin's eyes snapped open.
"Erwin?" She whispered, as though she were afraid of waking him. He opened his mouth to speak, but could only taste bile burning his tongue. The chair scraped against the floor as she stood, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him to sit. "Levi, the bucket." Levi was on his feet in a second, as though he'd been awake the whole time. He'd barely set the bucket, filled about a quarter with water, on his lap before Erwin was retching, heaving with his whole body as he was sicker than he remembered ever being. "It's alright… You're alright… You'll feel better when you're done…" Thomasin's voice was calm, propping him upright with her body as she held the bucket with one hand and rubbed soothing circles on his back with the other. Finally, when there was nothing more to bring up and the only thing dripping into the bucket was spit and snot and tears, she leaned him back onto the pillows.
"Dump this in the toilet, rinse it out and fill it back up."
"Ugh…" There was a quiet splashing beside his head, and Thomasin began tenderly wiping his face with a cool, damp rag. She paused in her ministrations and smiled at him.
"Welcome back to the land of the living, Smith. You gave us all quite a scare…" The pain in his head was beginning to recede, and he found he could focus on her better. It was hard to see with the room as dim as it was, but he could see the dark, soft skin under her eyes, the faintest of lines sagging around her mouth and cheeks. She looked so old. When did she get so old? How long had he been sleeping? He was afraid to ask. "How are you feeling, sweetie?" He swallowed, his mouth painfully dry and disgusting.
"…awful…"
"Yeah. That sounds about right. But it's gonna get better from here." The bathroom door opened, and Levi trudged out, setting the bucket beside the bed. He tugged on Thomasin's sleeve, and she bent so he could speak in her ear. His voice was low, but not so low that Erwin couldn't catch bits and pieces of what he was saying.
"–go tell—he's awake—on your own?"
"It should be fine," she whispered back. He nodded, turning his gaze to the bed bound man. His normally hard expression softened a little.
"Good to see you again, Erwin."
"Likewise, Levi," he rasped.
The lieutenant closed the bedroom door behind him as quietly as possible and Erwin sagged into the mattress. He felt as though he'd been trampled by several horses. Water gurgled as it was poured, and a strong arm under his neck raised his head slightly as a cup was placed against his cracked lips.
"Sip very slowly. Only a mouthful." Those first few drops that passed his lips almost brought tears to his eyes, they were so soothing on his parched tongue. He'd barely wet his mouth before she pulled the cup away, ignoring his pitiful attempt to pull it back. "No more. Trust me, you'll just make yourself sick again. You've been asleep for a long time, Erwin, and your stomach is very empty. Anything you eat or drink right now will just come back up, and it won't taste nearly as good." He groaned weakly.
"How long…?"
"It's been five days since you went out to Wall Maria. You were unconscious for about three of them." Setting the cup down, Thomasin pulled her chair closer to the bed and sat, taking his hand in both of hers. "It was touch-and-go for a good while, there… I thought we were going to lose you…" Her face crumpled and he felt something warm splash onto his fingertips. Erwin tried to squeeze her hand, but his arm felt so weak that he could barely make his fingers twitch.
"I'm not going to die any time soon." It was becoming harder to gather his thoughts and form them into words as sleep began nipping at his heels again. "You won't get rid of me that easily, Lindemann…"
~o0o~
When next he woke up, it was much easier, and he didn't feel nearly as sick as last time. Still didn't feel great, however. His eyes immediately went to the chair on his left, but it was empty.
"The gimp's getting fresh diapers for you." Levi had pulled the curtain back just enough to look outside, but pulled it firmly shut as he looked away, as though he were afraid of any light entering the room.
"Wha…?"
"Yeah, turns out all that gross shit people do doesn't stop when they're unconscious." He scoffed, disgusted. "If I ever pass out, you'd better fucking kill me, Erwin; if I have to shit myself, I at least need to be dead first."
"Did- did I-?"
"Yes. You're lucky you married someone who's willing to wipe your ass, 'cause I'd have let you sleep in your own filth. Hange'd probably wipe you, but they're not in much better shape than you are." Hange… he remembered the severity of their burns.
"H-how are they? What about Mike? Wh-when did he-"
"Oi. Shut up." Levi's voice was quiet, almost… gentle, in an odd, not-very-gentle way, but it was firm. "You haven't been conscious for twenty four hours yet and you're already chompin' at the bit trying to go over reports. Maybe wait until you can sit up before you start worrying about work." He wanted to argue that he couldn't wait- they couldn't afford to wait, not when the Armored and Colossal Titans were running loose- but just thinking that hard exhausted him.
He must have dozed off again, because he awoke to a pair of familiar voices arguing as quietly as they possibly could.
"-past fucking sundown- it's not gonna kill him!"
"You have never been sick! It needs to be dark while he recovers!"
"He hasn't had any sun in five days! He's gonna get bandy leg!
"Bandy- You can't get rickets in five days, you fucking idiot!"
"How the fuck do you know!?"
"I'm a fucking nurse!"
"Uh, wha… what's 'bandy leg'…?" Levi and Thomasin both froze, like children who had been caught doing something they ought not, and quickly spoke over each other.
"Nothing-"
"-it's when the bones in your legs go soft." Erwin's eyes widened.
"That… that's a thing that can happen…?"
"Shut the fuck up, you dwarf…" Thomasin seethed at the man beside her through clenched teeth, before turning back to her husband with a reassuring smile. "It's nothing you need to worry about, sweetie. That's just something that happens to people who live in the Underground. You've been asleep for a long time, and it's going to take a while before you fully adjust to being awake, so it needs to stay dark in here until then." She shot a dirty look back at Levi. Erwin shook his head as much as he dared, not wanting to tempt another bout of nausea.
"I'm sick of the dark… I want some light."
"Fucking told you, didn't I?" Levi immediately moved to throw both curtains open, but was stopped as Thomasin grabbed his wrist with both hands.
"If you yank this curtain back, I will geld you…" she whispered, the venom dripping from her words so intense the shorter man recoiled. Granted, it was only about a centimeter, but still- that was no small feat.
"He wants some light."
"And if he wants some fucking poison, are you gonna give him that, too?! …fine. Open that curtain, and only that one." She released him, standing to block the curtain closest to Erwin as though she expected Levi to knock her out of the way and open that one as well. He didn't, of course, trying back the far one and casting a warm yellow light over the foot of the bed. The sight of the sun, even in such a limited capacity, was comforting. Cool fingers pressed against his forehead and cheeks. "How are you feeling today, Erwin?"
"Better than last time. Still weak. Still exhausted. But not on the verge of death, thank god."
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's going to be like this for a while. Probably a few weeks." Erwin blanched.
"Weeks?"
"At least." Thomasin bent slightly to be closer to his level, her dark eyes severe. "Erwin, I don't think you realize just how bad of shape you're in. You didn't just lose an arm- you were running around, riding a horse for hours. You owe your life to whoever tied that tourniquet for you." His heart sank as he thought back to Horace. "You almost bled to death; we had to give you a blood transfusion."
"A what?"
"Some kind of sorcery they're practicing up in the Interior," Levi answered for her. "They drain the blood out of one person and pour it into someone else. Freaky shit…"
"That freaky shit's the only reason Erwin is alive right now." Thomasin turned back to him. "We had to have equipment rushed from Mitras." His eyes wandered to the strange metal pole that had been standing innocuously beside his bed, and she nodded heavily. "Yeah. That's what we used to fill you back up. You're lucky, Smith; Interior doctors wouldn't lend out such precious equipment for the rank and file."
"Wh-who's blood is inside me…?" Levi raised his left arm, slapping the junction of his elbow.
"You're welcome. You can pay me back in tea." Erwin shuddered despite himself. He didn't feel any different, but the knowledge that there was another person's blood flowing through his veins… it was unnatural.
"…I don't like that."
"Would you rather be dead? Because that was the alternative."
No. No, he wouldn't rather be dead. As wretched and disquieted as he felt, he was grateful to be alive. Still, just thinking about such things made his head spin. He raised his hand to rub some of the tension from his brow, and cried out as a sharp pain tore through his arm. His arm… Looking down at his right shoulder, the sight of all that empty space felt like he was navigating through some strange dream. The stump was shorter than what he remembered, ending halfway up his bicep instead of just above the elbow.
"…where's the rest of my arm…?" Levi's lips thinned into a hard line.
"In a Titan's putrid gut, I'd say-"
"There was more of it than this! It was longer; where's the rest of it!?" He stiffened as Thomasin wrapped her arms around him, but he was too weak to keep her from drawing him into an embrace, and honestly, he was grateful for it. Her slight rocking and her fingers gently stroking his neck helped ease that strange cocktail of bitterness and fear brewing inside him.
"The surgeon had to cut it a bit shorter so he could close it up. They did the same thing to me. Doctor Lewis, the man who did your surgery, did a really good job. It should heal well." He should have been grateful, to Dr. Lewis for doing a good job, to Thomasin for understanding and explaining things he could barely wrap his mind around, to Levi for parting with who even knew how much of his own blood to save his life… but he wasn't. Just thinking about all these things made Erwin feel sick again. He was so far out of his element, helpless and ignorant. He barely knew what was going on within his own quarters, much less outside them. He turned his attention back to Levi.
"When do you think Hange is going to be well enough to come here? And Mike, is he injured as well? I need to speak with them." Levi's jaw tightened.
"What you need to do is focus all your energy into getting better. You're in no shape to be entertaining visitors now. That's why we keep sending Pixis away."
"Pixis?"
"Well, the gimp keeps sending him away-"
"What does Pixis need to see me about?"
"Nothing important," Thomasin snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously before they softened and she began lovingly smoothing his hair back from his face. "He just wants to see how you're doing. He keeps trying to bring you get-well liquor."
"I could use a drink…"
"No, you couldn't."
"Can I eat, at least? I'm so hungry…" She frowned slightly.
"How's your stomach feeling?"
"Empty."
"Any nausea?"
"Less than before." She straightened, casting an appraising eye over him.
"I guess we're gonna have to start feeding you eventually. You can have something light. I'll go get you something." She took a step towards the door and was immediately cut off by Levi.
"You carrying food up two flights of stairs? Don't make me laugh."
"You don't know what to get him."
"I'm not fucking stupid, gimpy; I know what 'light' foods are." He paused. "…that's like egg whites and milk and shit, right?" She crossed her arms over her chest.
"You're not funny, Levi."
"I'm a little funny."
"You're a little something, alright. Clear broth. Go." He flashed her a rude gesture as he left the room, earning a bitten-back snicker from its recipient. As soon as the door closed, Thomasin sighed deeply, her entire body sagging.
"…I can't tell if you and Levi are getting along or not…"
"Of course we are; we're the best of friends. We're just worried about you, that's all." She lifted his head slightly, flipping and fluffing his pillow so it better supported his neck. "Levi's been a great help. Sure he bitches up a storm, but he does whatever I tell him to. Perfect husband material." Erwin frowned slightly at her words.
"Have you… the two of you, I suppose… Have you been taking care of me all this time?"
"Of course. Who else would?"
"Doctors? Our medics-"
"What can doctors do that I can't? I've been working side by side with doctors for four years. They can cut you up and stitch you back together, and then they leave. This? Taking care of patients while they recover? This is my job, Erwin. And honestly, this is the first time I've ever been grateful for it. I would die from worry if I couldn't do anything for you but hold your hand…"
"I think that would be plenty," he told her quietly. "Just knowing that you're here would give me strength." She shook her head, a strange, far away look coming over her face.
"Death doesn't care how strong you are, Erwin…" That sounded like something his father would have said.
"Perhaps not, but it makes me feel better. Surely that counts for something?"
"Yes. Patient comfort is an important part of the healing process."
"…in that case, come here." He patted the bed beside him with his left arm, hating how much effort that tiny movement took. She pressed her lips together.
"I don't think so…"
"Please? Just for a little while? It's an important part of the healing process."
"It's not that I don't want to, Erwin; it's just that I need to be able to get up quickly if something happens."
"What's going to happen? I told you, I'm feeling better. Do you think I'm lying?"
"No, but-"
"Then come here and lay down next to me." Still she hesitated, but her resolve was breaking. Erwin looked up at her with his saddest, most pitiful gaze; an easy task at the moment, honestly, and that was all it took for the last of her doubts to be stripped away. He tried to make room for her, but his body felt as though it were filled with lead, and she quickly stopped him, squeezing onto what little space was available. She laid her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his remaining arm around her, wishing he could squeeze her tighter.
"I missed you," he whispered, his eyelids growing heavy despite himself as she traced lazy patterns on his chest.
"I don't know why; for you, it's only been about a day or two since we last saw each other."
"It feels like it's been longer. It feels like it's been years. So much has happened since I saw you last… horrible things… amazing things… but mostly horrible things." He paused for a moment, mulling over whether or not he wanted to say what was clawing at his mind aloud. "…Horace and Cecile were killed during our missions."
"I'm so sorry."
"I have so little to show for their deaths…"
"You have your life. I didn't know them long, but I honestly think they would say that's enough." Maybe they would; what had Horace told him, he was the future? Foolishness, and yet, it felt disrespectful to dismiss a dead man's words out of hand. Already dozing, a flash of something white caught his eye and he forced them both open, straining a bit to reach around Thomasin and tug at her sleeve.
"What's this?" A somewhat stained bandage poked out from the cuff, but before he could get a good look at it, she jerked her hand away as though she'd been burned.
"That's nothing."
"It doesn't look like nothing."
"I burned myself on a kettle at work. I keep bumping against things and popping the blister, so I wrapped it up. Like I said, it's nothing." He winced, thinking back to Hange's burns.
"It's not bad, is it?"
"No. Nothing I can't handle." Raising her head, she pressed a very soft kiss to his cheek. "Don't worry about me, Erwin. You don't ever need to worry about me. Just let me worry about you…" That was ridiculous, and he wanted to tell her so, but he was too drowsy to formulate a sentence right then and there, so he put a pin in it for later.
~o0o~
Waking up felt almost normal this time. He was still a bit groggy and disoriented, but that was the same feeling he always got when he awoke from a deep, long sleep. It must have been quite early, because both curtains were pulled back, but the light in the room was weak. Thomasin was moving the chairs together to form a makeshift table, the 'thump-step' of her gait something he didn't realize he'd missed as much as he did. Wetting his lips, he spoke up.
"Shouldn't Levi help you with that?" She startled, too engrossed in her work to have noticed him waking.
"Good morning, sunshine. No, Levi's done enough; I can handle this just fine on my own."
"Where is he?"
"Sleeping in his own room for the first time all week. I was going to give you a bath before I changed your sheets." Craning his neck slightly, he spotted the steaming wooden tub beside the chairs.
"I don't think I'll fit in there…"
"A whore's bath. You can have some breakfast afterwards." The prospect should have excited him, but honestly, it filled him with apprehension.
The last time he ate, he'd been so ravenous that if Thomasin hadn't held the bowl out of his reach and spoon fed him, he'd have gulped all that thin, weak broth down in seconds. It was a good thing he didn't because after the first few mouthfuls, he'd brought everything back up, moaning pitifully as he leaned on the rim of the bucket…
"Oh god… oh god, why…?!"
"Because you haven't eaten in so long. This shitty mess hall food isn't helping matters…" He raised his head, panting as tears and sweat poured down his face. He felt like he was dying, but Thomasin barely seemed to be paying him any mind, idly rubbing his back. A horrible thought struck him.
"Was… was it like this for you…?" That caught her attention.
"No. Well… a little, but… This isn't because of your arm, Erwin. Your body has been working so hard to keep you alive, but you already pushed it to its limit, so now…" She trailed off, but he knew exactly what she was thinking.
"My hubris has come back to bite me in the ass."
"Pretty much. This is what I kept warning you about, Smith, but you never listen to me, so now you get to suffer." Another wave of nausea swept over him, and he moaned weakly.
"Oh god… I will never disregard your advice again… Just make it stop…!"
"I can't," she told him sadly. "I wish I could- I'd give my other leg to make you feel better, but… I can't. You've just gotta tough it out…"
It had taken almost an hour before he managed to keep anything down, and the entire ordeal drained him more than any expedition.
"I-I don't know if I want to eat." Thomasin gave his head a sympathetic stroke.
"It's not going to be as bad as yesterday, I promise. Once you're clean, you'll feel much better. Have I ever lied to you?"
"Not that I know of." He meant it as a joke, but he couldn't manage to instill any humor in his voice. She understood his pathetic sense of humor enough to crack a smile, at least.
He could barely lift his left arm as she pulled his undershirt off, taking great care to avoid putting any pressure on the bandaged remnant of his right. Unfortunately, there was pressure building somewhere else, and the splashing as she wet the washcloth in her hands was only making it worse. He tried to ignore it for as long as he could, but the discomfort was too much.
"Uh… Thomasin?"
"Hmm?"
"I… I have to…" She shrugged slightly.
"To what?" He looked away.
"…pee," he finally managed to eke out through gritted teeth.
"Oh. Go ahead; that's what the diaper's for-"
"No! God, haven't I been humiliated enough?"
"Alright, well, I've got a chamber pot here just in case-"
"That's disgusting."
"Well, what do you want to do, Smith? You're in no condition to walk to the bathroom. If I had two meat legs, I could carry you, but as it stands, I can't."
"I know," he groaned, shutting his eyes against the ignominy of it all. Really, what right did he have to complain? He was alive, wasn't he, when so many were dead? As though the shame of pissing in a pot somehow outweighed the humiliation of rotting beyond the Walls, having your bones gnawed on and dragged off by scavengers. Acknowledging the truth didn't make it any easier to swallow, but he was reaching the point of no return. "Alright. Give it here."
Thomasin helped pull him into a sitting position- he could see her biceps straining against her shirt as she lifted him, and he wondered how many times she'd carried out this exact sequence of events with other soldiers over the years. Enough times to do so with a sense of staunch professionalism. The "diaper" she'd put him in was really just a thickly folded sheet wrapped around his legs.
"You're not going to stay here while I…?"
"I have to help you. You don't want to make a mess."
"…just kill me now. Please."
"Smith, even if I wasn't a medical professional, we're married. Are you really going to pretend like I've never seen your dick, much less touched it?"
"That was different."
"No, it wasn't. Just relax."
That was easier said than done when every instinct he'd ever forged told him not to do what he was trying. Sighing quietly, Thomasin turned away, dipping the hand that wasn't helping him aim into the basin of water on his nightstand and splashing it loudly. A few seconds later, he groaned as blessed relief washed over him. He'd never peed so much in his life, and by the time he was done, his stomach ached.
"That wasn't so bad," she insisted as she carefully picked up the chamber pot, carrying it to the bathroom. He slumped against the pillows.
"It was humiliating."
"I don't know why; this isn't the first time I've seen you pee."
"What!?" She raised her voice from the bathroom so he could hear her over the running water.
"In our second year in the Training Corps. During ODM free training. I was probably too high up for you to notice me." She poked her head out of the bathroom door, smirking deviously at him. "You had very impressive stream pressure for a seventeen year old. Still do."
"You were spying on me?"
" 'Spying' implies that I wanted to see you. I just wanted to know who was frying fish in the middle of the woods." She dissolved into a fit of giggles.
Honestly, that knowledge should have mortified him, and maybe if anyone else had confessed to hearing him relieve himself from fifteen meters up it would have, but the absurdity of it all made him feel a little better. Anything was less embarrassing than that; that's what he kept telling himself.
Erwin hadn't been bathed by another person since he was maybe four years old at the oldest, and as such, it was difficult not to feel a bit infantilized by the process. Not for lack of trying on Thomasin's part as she toed the line between dutiful nurse and flirtatious wife, reassuring and praising him only to break pace with a lewd remark that had him laughing in spite of himself. It was little wonder she got along with Levi; they both had the same filthy sense of humor, and he'd never been more grateful for it.
The sun had risen higher as she changed his sheets, filling the room with enough light that he could finally see her properly. In the dark and gloom, he hadn't noticed just how washed out and sallow her complexion had turned, making the dark circles under her eyes even more ghastly. Nor had he noticed the bruise on her head.
"What happened there?"
"Where?" He raised his hand and choked on a groan of pain as the stitches pulled at the skin beneath his bandages. Gritting his teeth in frustration, he awkwardly raised his left arm and tapped his right temple. Frowning slightly, Thomasin reached up to touch her own temple, wincing as her fingers brushed against one of the stitches there.
"Oh. That. I just bumped my head."
"Hard enough to need stitches?"
"What can I say, Smith; I'm clumsy. It's honestly a miracle I kept all four limbs intact every time I used ODM gear." His jaw tightened as he leveled a hard stare at her.
"Thomasin, why are you lying to me?"
"I'm not. I hit my head; that's what happened. It needed stitches because head wounds bleed a lot, even when they're shallow. That's why Hange graciously lent me some of their shirts; the blouse I was wearing when I came here is ruined." She was telling the truth, he knew she was, and yet… there was something dishonest in her eyes. She sighed, limping away from him and opening one of his drawers to pull out a fresh shirt. Several vases overflowing with slightly wilted flowers were lined up atop the dresser. "I don't want you to worry about stupid, nothing things like me, Erwin. You need to be as calm and relaxed as possible so you can heal quickly."
"It's hard not to worry when I see that my wife is hurt," he told her quietly, earning a bitter scoff.
" 'Hurt'? You don't give half a fuck about me being hurt. This isn't pain; this is nothing." She whipped around, her fists clenched so tightly in the shirt she was holding that she seemed like to rip it. "Pain was seeing a surgeon trying to save as much of your arm as possible because it started atrophying from being constricted for so long. Pain was hearing you scream when the blood finally started flowing again. Pain was holding my breath for two days while Levi and I did everything in our power to get your fever to break. That's what hurts me, Erwin, not this-" She grabbed one of the stitches and began pulling on it, completely oblivious to the blood welling up as her skin began to tear.
"Stop…" he whispered, his voice trembling, "stop, what are you doing- Stop it!" She pulled her hand away quickly, pressing her palm flat against her thigh in a futile effort to keep it from shaking.
"Hahh… hahh… I- I'm sorry, Erwin; I don't know what came over me…"
"…I think you might have hit your head a bit harder than you realize…"
"Heh. Yeah. Maybe." For a long second, she stood there looking dazed, but just as quickly, the tension left her shoulders and she smiled at him. "Oh well; it's not like there's much in there to get banged up. Don't worry about me, Smith; I'm fine." She kept saying that, but as she dressed him, humming cheerily, his eyes kept going back to the fresh blood smeared on her temple.
~o0o~
It had been a week since they'd reclaimed Eren, and Erwin was teetering on the verge of losing his mind. He still found himself dozing off without realizing it, but every time he woke, his room seemed as though it had shrunk. The curtains were almost always open now, but even when the window was open as well, allowing the early summer breeze to cleanse the musty odor of the room, he still felt trapped. No one told him anything. The only people he saw were Levi and Thomasin, even though he knew there were more people on base- he heard their voices coming up from the courtyard, and sometimes when he was half asleep, he could swear he heard Thomasin talking to someone in his office. But no one else ever crossed the threshold of his room. It was like he had died and not realized it, trapped haunting this ever reducing cell. He had no news of Hange or Mike- he didn't even know where Eren was.
That had been the last straw, having no updates on the boy he was in this position because of. His remaining Section Commanders and captains had to have completed at least some mission reports by now. His office was right there. He'd crossed that door frame hundreds of times without even thinking about it in the past, so surely he could do so again. That was what he kept telling himself even as Levi opened the door to find him collapsed in a panting, whimpering heap beside his bed. Despite calling him every name in the book (as well as a few slurs that had to have originated in the Underground), the shorter man was uncharacteristically gentle as he set Erwin back into bed, barely even straining to lift the dead weight of a man half again as heavy as he was. The strength contained in that small frame was terrifying, almost as much as the ire in his steely eyes.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Erwin? Is pissing me off what gets your dick hard?"
"I'm not even thinking about you, Levi-"
"Yeah, I know. Maybe you could spare a fraction of your shitty ego to think about your wife, though." His brows furrowed.
"What are you talking about?" Levi stared at him as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"…you really are a fucking idiot, aren't you?"
"Why are you-?"
"Do you have any idea how much work has gone into keeping your sorry ass alive? You thought it was bad five years ago; that was a fucking picnic compared to now. We don't even have medics on site- we've got Garrison nurses and aides on loan from Calaneth and Krolva, and there's so much shit going on in Stohess that they're just popping in to do the bare minimum.
No one would take care of you like the gimp does.I'll give you my blood, Erwin; I'll give you every drop of blood in my body, but I'm not gonna spoon feed you or clean up after you when you puke and shit on yourself. I'm not gonna sing lullabies to you to get you through a fever dream. Three days straight- that's how long she stayed up with you to make sure you didn't die in your sleep. Did you see that cut on her head?"
"Yes."
"What did she tell you happened?"
"She… she said she bumped her head…"
"Yeah. You know how?" He shook his head, dreading the answer. "She passed out and cut her head open on the corner of your nightstand. Probably had something to do with being awake for seventy two hours, but what do I know; I'm not a nurse. I had to drag her ass downstairs to get stitches 'cause she was bleeding on everything, and the whole time, the dumb bitch just wanted to get back to you." Levi leaned closer, his voice cold and hard as steel as he whispered against Erwin's ear. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be loved, you piece of shit? To have someone who cares enough to stay with you when you need them? To be alive to experience that? People would kill to be half as cherished as you."
Those were not the kinds of words he would have ever expected to hear from someone like Levi, but the conviction with which he spoke them made it clear that this was something he believed deeply from the bottom of his heart. He wondered if the man was thinking about his fallen friends in that moment, or someone else entirely. It didn't matter; it wasn't his place to wonder about such things.
"You're right… I always do this; I always take peoples' kindness for granted…" Levi scoffed, straightening.
"Don't just acknowledge it, jackass; stop doing that."
"Breaking habits is difficult. Especially now, I- I need my habits. I need my routines. I'm going mad, Levi! I can't stand being so useless, not knowing anything…!" The shorted man chewed on the inside of his cheek for a second, before groaning under his breath.
"Look, if you're that fucking desperate to start worrying about shit again, I'll send for Pixis and he can fill you in. But if- and only if- you stay in bed. I'm serious, Erwin; I have no qualms about chaining you down like a disobedient dog."
"You can't do that; I'm your commander."
"Watch me. Now if you don't mind, I've gotta go find a windowless room to tell your crazy wife this in."
"Why windowless?"
"Because she will absolutely pick me up and throw me out of the nearest one if I give her news she doesn't want to hear, and unlike you, the gimp makes good on her threats. She already tried that shit on Pixis once; you'd think she couldn't lift a grown man, but you have no idea how strong crazy people can be." Erwin chuckled weakly, but the sound quickly died on his lips when he realized Levi wasn't joking.
~o0o~
The door opened slowly, just wide enough for him to see an eye and a sliver of dark skin at first.
"Erwin? Sweetie, are you awake?"
"I'm up."
"That's good." She pushed the door open with her hip, balancing a tray on one arm and a basket in the other. A sweet scent filled the room as she entered and his mouth began watering. "Sorry I wasn't here when you woke up. I made you breakfast."
" 'Made'?"
"I might have commandeered the kitchens for a while. You've been eating well, so I figured you could maybe use a treat. Look; it's porridge! And it's happy to see you!" She set the tray on his lap, tucking a cloth napkin into the neck of his shirt as he glanced into the bowl before him. It wasn't the watery gruel they usually served in the mess hall; it was much thicker, and it smelled better, too. He quickly realized why, noting the dark golden liquid dolloped and drizzled across the surface in a facsimile of two beady eyes and a smiling mouth. Grabbing the spoon, he clumsily stirred the honey in so he wouldn't have to see his food staring back at him any longer.
"Where did you get honey from?"
"Bees~ Hmm, maybe I should do that for you." She tried to take the spoon from him, but he pulled it away from her.
"I can feed myself, Thomasin."
"I don't doubt that-"
"Yes, you do. How hard can it be?"
Very, was the answer. It wasn't even that it felt wrong- although it did, it felt so wrong, as though he were trying to control someone else's arm. He only managed two clumsy bites before his arm was shaking like a leaf in the wind. The spoon grew exponentially heavier the longer he held it, and it ended up slipping from his fingers, falling back into the bowl.
"What is wrong with me!?" he shouted, furious at himself, at that goddamn spoon- at the entire world. "I already lost an arm; is that not enough? Does the rest of my body have to fail too until I'm a bedridden invalid!?" Thomasin quietly stroked his rough jaw until his angry breathing calmed.
"This is normal, Erwin. This is just what healing is-"
"NO! This isn't normal! Not for me! I've been injured before, and it was never like this!"
"You've never been injured this badly. When Levi tried to kill you, how long did it take you to heal?" He shook his head.
"No, that wasn't the same. I was hurt, but I could still go to the bathroom on my own. I could still feed myself."
"Right, because you weren't hurt as badly. You didn't nearly bleed to death. But it still took you a few weeks before you got back to normal, didn't it?" Of course it did, but he didn't want to admit that. She reached across him and took his hand in hers. "Listen to me, Smith. You can't brute force yourself into feeling better. The more you try, the worse you're going to make things. It's like trying to stick a broken plate back together without glue; you keep smashing the pieces back together, willing them to stick, but all you're doing is breaking them even more. I'm not going to let you break yourself, Erwin."
"I'm not trying to," he seethed, "I just want to feel like myself again…"
"You will. I promise you will. You just have to be patient." Taking the spoon, she lifted it to his mouth, nudging him with her shoulder when he turned his face away. "What's this, now? You let me feed you before, Smith. Years ago, even."
"That was different."
"I know- we weren't married then. C'mon," she cooed, "lemme dote on my handsome husband who I love so much~" He couldn't stay upset when she said things like that with such a sweet, happy smile, and if he ignored the reason for it, it felt nice to be doted on, to be cherished… When he was done, she paused in wiping his face, frowning slightly as she rubbed her fingers over the pale stubble coating his jaw.
"I suppose you aren't used to seeing me with a beard."
"That's what you call this rash?"
"It always starts out patchy. Give it another week- it'll fill in."
"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather it not. I'd shave you myself, but it's been years since I've used a razor and I don't trust myself to practice on you. I can get a barber to come in and clean you up." It was his turn to frown.
"That's hardly necessary. I have more important things to worry about than how well-groomed my facial hair is. I can't be certain of it, but I'm fairly confident that the world didn't stop simply because I've been indisposed. If anyone is going to come in, it needs to be Hange and Mike so we can discuss what we need to do next."
"You don't need to worry about that, Erwin. Levi can keep things running smoothly until you officially name him your successor."
"My what?"
"He's your lieutenant, isn't he? Maybe I'm wrong, but you have to officially sign your resignation since you're resigning and not… dead, right? That'll probably take another week, at least, but Levi already has a handle on things-"
"Thomasin, I'm not resigning." The silence that fell between them was thick enough to cut with a spoon.
"…what?"
"I have no intention of resigning from my post." She leapt up, stumbling slightly, her knee knocking against the tray and spilling the remnants of the porridge over it.
"You have to!"
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do! You lost a limb- that's grounds for discharge-"
"The commander is the one who judges if soldiers are fit to serve, Thomasin. I'm the commander; I decide what is and isn't grounds for discharge."
She stared down at him, her eyes wide and wild as she breathed sharply through her nose. Snatching up the tray, she tossed it down on one of the chairs, paying no mind to the resulting mess as she grabbed the basket she'd also brought. Roughly dragging the other chair closer, she set it down, and he could see that it was filled with bandages and bottles and a shiny pair of iron scissors that she grabbed. He flinched as the shears touched his bare shoulder, each scrape of metal on metal as they cut through the bandages an unpleasant tickle up his spine.
"Look," she ordered him, her voice low and dark. He'd seen the stump when Horace had tied the tourniquet, when there was exposed muscle and bone and the skin had begun turning purple from a lack of blood flow. This… wasn't worse, but by god, he liked the sight of it less. There was a dark bruise where the tourniquet had been twisted, feathering out into a sickening collage of greens and yellows and browns where it was beginning to heal. But beyond that, there was just a nub. A flap of skin had been pulled up over the end, sewn along the curve of what remained of his bicep with coarse black thread. It looked so… pathetic. Like he wasn't even looking at his own body, like this… thing belonged to someone else.
"How are you going to vertically maneuver like this?" Thomasin pressed him quietly, insistent. Swallowing hard, Erwin looked away from his arm, meeting her eyes.
"The same way I did after the Titan bit it off. The same way you did." She shook her head sadly.
"You don't know what you're talking about-"
"I know exactly what I'm talking about," he seethed, "better than you ever will. I have been a Scout for fifteen long, miserable years. I have watched everyone I ever cared about die horribly and have had to contend with the fact that their deaths were for nothing. And now, finally- after all these years- a miracle has happened… and you expect me to just turn my back on it and live in ignorance until the Colossal and Armored Titans come back and end humanity once and for all? You can't. You can't expect that of me."
"…just because that- Eren can move big rocks doesn't make him a 'miracle', Erwin."
"No. That's not what I'm talking about… you didn't see it. None of you saw it; you didn't see what I saw that day… the fact that I am alive right now is proof of a miracle. I have to know why- why it happened. It's important, I know it is! It's the key to everyth-!" A wave of dizziness cut his words off. Even though he was still sitting, he felt like he was going to fall down; the entire room was rocking violently.
" 'Miracle'," Thomasin scoffed as she laid him down. "You're starting to sound like those fucking Wall cultists…"
"They're not wrong. They know more than they're letting on."
"About the Titans in the Walls, you mean?" Erwin gaped at her in disbelief. How did she- "Hange. I was looking in their lab to see if they had a better stent I could use, and I overheard them. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone. Nobody should be cursed with that knowledge…"
"Knowledge is never a curse. Knowing things is always preferable to being ignorant." She shook her head again as she began examining his stump, apparently finding its condition acceptable as she opened one of the bottles and began saturating a pad of gauze with its contents before placing it over his stitches. As soon as it touched the still-raw flesh, it burned.
"You only say that because you know nothing, Erwin…"
~o0o~
It was well past noon by the time Levi finally returned. Thomasin hadn't cared one whit that he had scheduled a meeting with the commander of the southern Garrison, insisting on washing his hair after she bathed him. She was still toweling his head dry- and noting that he was due for a trim- when Levi kicked at the locked door.
"Oi! You two'd better be decent in there."
"Go away! We're-"
"Thomasin, don't," Erwin whispered urgently. "He probably has Pixis with him." Her lips thinned into such a hard line, they nearly vanished. He could practically feel the fury radiating off her and reached for her hand. He still couldn't squeeze it as tight as he would have liked, so he pressed it against his chest, right over his heart. "We'll only be talking. I won't get worked up, I swear."
"You'd better not…"
Folding the wet towel, she pulled one of his button downs over his shoulders, combing her fingers through his still damp hair before finally tearing herself away from him. Opening the door, she waited for the assembled crowd to make way for her. Levi, of course, just pushed past her, squeezing by under her arm to take his place in the chair next to the window.
"Ah, Mrs. Smith, you're blinding me with your radiance as always."
"…move." Pixis stood just tall enough that Erwin could see the mirth gleaming in his golden eyes as he gave the woman before him a deep bow, allowing her to pass.
"The epitome of charm… be still, my heart. Erwin, you dirty dog, for shame. Hiding such a vivacious beauty away from me; how could you?!"
"Forgive me, Commander- I make it a habit to keep my personal and professional lives separate whenever possible. I'm led to believe this isn't your first time meeting my wife?"
"No, the first time would have been about six days ago. I came as soon as I was made aware of your condition. Imagine my surprise when a veritable goddess greets me at the door! And imagine my delight when she so kindly offered to escort me to the ground floor via your office window if I was not content to use the stairs." Levi gave him a look that silently crowed I told you so.
"I hope you'll accept my apology on her behalf." The old man scoffed as he took a seat on Erwin's other side, his own lieutenant opting to stand against the wall.
"Apology? For what? You're a lucky man, Smith- damn lucky! Nothing makes life worth living more than a pretty woman who can rip your spine out and beat you with it. That's why I keep this one around." He jerked his head towards his lieutenant Anka, not noticing or else not caring about the way she rolled her eyes towards the heavens. His good humor dimmed slightly. "But sadly, I didn't come here to discuss pleasant topics. What do you know about the situation thus far?" Erwin frowned deeply.
"Nothing, I'm afraid. My caretakers have refused to give me any news of what's happening outside my bedroom. I don't even know how many of my soldiers are alive." The furrows lining Pixis' brow deepened.
"Well, let's get you caught up on wider scale issues, and then I'm certain Levi can get into Survey Corps specifics. We've confirmed that Wall Rose is still intact."
"Truly?" That was good, but… then how did that explain the Titans?
"Yes, we truly confirmed it. Whether or not it's the actual truth remains to be seen. The southern and western Garrisons have examined every visible inch of the Wall between Trost and Krolva, and we've seen nothing, but there are rumors that the Walls extend several meters underground. We didn't see any holes, but… we can't be completely certain of anything."
"Then why-"
"We had no choice. The rations that were set aside for a potential breach were gone in a week. A week, Erwin. That's how long humanity would last if the Wall was truly breached. A group of porters took up arms and tried to stage a small-scale rebellion, but they were dealt with by the MPs stationed in the Underground City." Levi scoffed, disgust rising in his voice.
" 'Dealt with'- why are you trying so hard to sugarcoat it, old man? The government killed hungry refugees, just like they did four years ago; say it like it is. I wonder if any of those rations were spared for the actual inhabitants of the Underground, or if the surface dwellers just pushed them out like they do-"
"Levi. That's enough. Don't take your ire out on Commander Pixis- he didn't issue these orders."
"No, it's fine, Erwin. The Lieutenant has a point. Sometimes, I forget there are people who actually live in that place, and I doubt I'm the only one. This served as a painful reminder of how fragile our lives as we know them truly are. With every section of land we lose, more and more people on the bottom are pushed out. How long will it take until we don't have anyone left to push out?"
"Hopefully, we can reclaim our lands before we have to find out."
"By 'we', I hope you don't mean 'you'," Levi told him, staring pointedly at his arm, or what was left of it.
"I absolutely mean 'me'. I have no intention of letting this little hiccup stop m-" A knock on the door interrupted him. He frowned, thrown for a loop, but before he could question it, Levi informed him.
"Hange. I told 'em you were gonna talk to Pixis and they wanted to come speak to you before he left. Said it was something that you'd want to hear. Looked like they meant it."
"Must be important then. Come in." Hange opened the door slowly, a wide smile growing on their face, which was still red in places, a thick cream smeared over their scabbing burns.
"It's good to see you awake, sir."
"And it's good to see you on your feet again, Section Commander." They entered the room and quickly stepped aside to make room for another soldier, a very petite boy with a shaved head. Though he saluted, the glazed over look in his eyes made it seem like he didn't see anyone else in the room.
"I'm here to report on our findings following the Titan incursion. State your name, cadet."
"Connie. Connie Springer, 104th southern Training Corps, sirs."
"Connie is from Ragako."
"The first village that was struck, yes?" Pixis confirmed.
"That's correct. He was one of the soldiers that aided in evacuating the villages of the region, as well as in Eren's recovery." Levi cast a discerning eye over the boy, and gave an approving nod.
"Well done, Connie. You're an asset to the Survey Corps." Most soldiers would be over the moon to have been praised by Humanity's Strongest, but Connie only cast his gaze to the floor, mumbling a dispirited, "Thank you, sir."
This wasn't the behavior of a Scout who'd just come through a life and death mission intact, nor was it even the grief of one who'd seen their friends and comrades get eaten. Erwin knew grief, had supped on it well. This cadet, Connie Springer, just looked empty. As though he'd cried and cried and simply had no more tears left to express his sorrow. And judging by the look Hange gave him, they saw it too.
"Allow me to explain. The state we found the village in has lent significant evidence to the theory we have concerning where these Titans originated from. You see, the buildings in Ragako… they seemed to be broken apart from the inside. There were no bloodstains, no signs of carnage… but no people. Even though the horses were all still in their stables." Erwin's chest felt too small for his lungs. He glanced at the men on either side of him. They were both frowning, confused- the realization had yet to dawn on them. Hange continued, looking far more grim than before. "And there was one… far more damning piece of evidence, though I cannot personally corroborate it. Connie?" The cadet swallowed hard, stepping forward.
"My house… There was a Titan laying on my house. It looked… just like my mom." Pixis' eyes widened like saucers, his mouth moving wordlessly for a moment before he could gather his thoughts.
"Come again? Are you… are you implying that these Titans were the… people of Ragako…?"
"It spoke to me," Connie whispered, his voice hoarse and thick with pain. "It said 'welcome home'. I know her voice… I could never forget her voice…" He breathed sharply through his nose, his large, golden eyes gleaming with the tears he tried to blink away. "Reiner heard it. He tried to convince me I was crazy because he heard it too and he knew. Even Ymir- she knew it was possible because her Titan could talk, too!"
"Ymir?"
"One of the Titan Shifters in the 104th. She fled with Reiner and Bertholdt."
"These Titans… they spoke… Just like-"
"Mm hmm," Hange hummed loudly, nodding and mouthing to him Later. So… Ilse had been right. All this time… Ymir's people… The room was swimming. There were too many things pressing against his skull, trying to break free, to make sense…
"So you're saying… that Titans… are actually human beings…?" Hange looked away from him, their jaw tight.
"We can hypothesize that the Titans that were found within Wall Rose were humans- we have no solid evidence that the same holds true for all Titans. But… with this information, I have a hunch about why the nape is the Titans' only weak spot. We've seen multiple times now that when Shifters take on their Titan forms, their bodies connect to the Titan's at the nape. Levi, if you were to slice Eren's Titan's weak spot the same way you do mindless Titans, what would you cut out?"
"His spine… I'd cut his head off- his human head."
"Right. It seems to me that the so-called 'weak spot' of a Titan may well actually be a human spinal cord."
"Then why haven't we found any human spines in the Titans you've been dissecting all this time?" Levi all but spat.
"That I'm not entirely sure of. Like I said, it's a hunch. I have some more experiments I'd like to run on Eren to try and puzzle that out. Maybe even Annie, if we can crack her shell…" Levi shook his head, letting out a ragged breath that almost sounded like a laugh, his eyes wide, haunted.
"So you're telling me… that all this time, the meat I've been carving up like carrion… was part of a human being? I've dedicated my life… to killing other people…? Is that what you're saying?"
"What I'm saying is we have no proof-"
"Oh, don't give me that shit! Erwin. Oi, Erwi- …why the fuck are you smiling…?" Erwin startled, having completely forgotten where he was for a second. A quick glance around the room revealed that everyone was staring at him, their expressions some varying combination of shock, fear and disgust.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, this didn't look good. Erwin straightened his face, having a harder time of it than he usually did, but he usually wasn't trying to put a lid on the excitement threatening to overflow in the form of joyous laughter.
"Oh, forgive me. It's nothing. It just… seems to me that we've finally gotten one step closer to uncovering the truth of this world."
"…'truth'. That's what you wanna call it?"
"That's what it is. Any progress, no matter how minuscule, is a victory."
"…next time you wanna celebrate a 'victory', don't smile like that. In fact, never smile like that again- you're freaking me out." He chuckled humorlessly.
You're so weird, Erwin…
What's wrong with you…?
That's heretic talk…!
"People have been telling me that since I was a child…"
"Oh, yeah?" Levi drawled. "Is that why you joined the Survey Corps?"
"…Levi, I'm going to need you to get all the way off my back. I am on my last leg right now."
"I thought it was your last arm-"
"Then perhaps we should wrap this up," Pixis suggested, already climbing to his feet with a groan of effort.
"In a moment. First, where are Eren and Historia Reiss?"
"We've transferred them to a safe house off base," Hange told him. "My squad is keeping an eye on them." Erwin sighed, his exhaustion suddenly catching up with him. Hange's section was pretty much the majority of the Survey Corps, now.
"I'm going to have to appoint new Section Commanders to replace Horace and Cecile, but is there even any point when we don't have enough soldiers to make up sections…? I need to discuss this with Mike- has he recovered enough to see me yet?"
"Um…" Hange shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. "I… I'm gonna let Levi explain… Commander Pixis, I'll- I'll escort you to the gate. C'mon, Connie." Erwin frowned as he watched them hurry the others from the room, quickly shutting the door behind them.
"…what was that all about?"
"Erwin-"
"Was- was Mike injured that badly that they don't want to tell-?"
"Erwin."
Levi fished something from his pocket, reaching across the bed to take Erwin's hand. He pressed it into his palm, closing his fingers over it before straightening. It was large enough to take up his entire hand, but thin enough to fold. Slowly uncurling his fingers, he blinked slowly down at the Wings of Freedom laying in his palm. It had been scrubbed hard enough for fuzz to begin forming on the thread, but there were still faded, rusty splotches on the silver sections.
"We found his body about two hundred meters south of the holdfast where we were keeping the 104th." His body. His corpse. A sack of dead meat that used to be Humanity's Strongest Soldier, once upon a time.
"Did you… bring him back…?" Levi ground his teeth together, breathing hard through his nose.
"We buried him there. It had been four days- it wasn't worth it to bring back what was left, not in that condition. No one needed to see him looking like that, but-" He quickly shut himself up, but Erwin would not accept silence, not now, not about this.
"But what? Tell me. Tell me everything!"
"I don't wanna upset you more than-"
"It is not up to you to decide what my delicate constitution will allow me to hear! I am ordering you, Levi, as your commander; tell me what happened to Mike." A visible shudder ran up Levi's spine.
"We recovered his ODM gear, but part of it was missing."
"What?"
"Most of his body had been eaten. All that was left was… his… torso… but his sheaths and gas canisters and blades were still there, littering the area. Everything was there… except his motor." Erwin froze.
"M-maybe it had been destroyed-"
"No. There were no fan blades, no casings- nothing. Unless you're telling me the Titans learned to pick up after themselves? His chassis was still intact- he was still wearing his belts- but the support arms on his scabbard were snapped off. The hoses were ripped out of the valves- all his fuel leaked out. Titans don't do that." Levi bowed his head, his face dark with a furious misery. "Something- or someone- deliberately took his motor… and left him there to be devoured. That's the only explanation, because there is no fucking way that sentient tree would let himself die so easily…! Someone murdered him… and when I find out who, the screams of their agony will echo across the ages." Erwin had long since stopped looking at Levi, turning his attention back to the patch in his hand.
000000000
A/N- …I really hate the way Erwin losing his arm and Mike's death are handled in AoT (Me: "So how is Erwin losing his dominant arm in one of the most traumatic amputations possible going to affect, not only his sense of self and mortality, but change the way he performs his job as a solider, seeing as ODM gear is clearly designed to require two hands and incredible balance that HAD to be impacted after losing a whole limb?" Isayama: "Nothing changes whatsoever, so get off my back about that." Me: "Oh, okay. Well, is literally anyone ever going to bring up the fact that no one seems to know what happened to the second best soldier after Levi-" "No." "Okay, but his death should be a really big deal in-universe-" "Well, it's not, so please forget about him forever until I bring him back for an emotional moment." "You mean when Erwin guiltily hallucinates a bunch of people he's literally never even spoken to?" "Look, if I think something's gonna look cool, I'm gonna draw it, story be damned." "…but you're the one writing the story- you just had to show them talking once…")
I'm mostly basing the technology and whatnot in Paradis off Europe from about the mid to late nineteenth century. The first successful human to human blood transfusion was performed in 1818, so I think it's entirely believable this treatment exists within the Walls, but it's limited to the elites.