Chapter 10

Bella

"All right, folks. Last read-through before we break for the holidays in two weeks. This episode is called 'Who's Zooming Who?' and is our mid-season finale. Bella?"

"Secrets can't hide in science. Medicine has a way of exposing the lies. Within the walls of the hospital, the truth is stripped bare. How we keep our secrets outside of the hospital—that's a little different. One thing is certain. Whatever it is we're trying to hide, we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked. That's the problem with secrets—like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything until you don't have room for anything else, until you're so full of secrets you feel like you're going to burst."

I raise an eyebrow. Seems ominous to me.

We're about ten minutes into the reading when I hear Jake exclaim, "You gave Riley syphilis?"

I quickly scan the sheet in front of me. "Please tell me he got it from that skanky ex-girlfriend after he was done with Maggie."

Everyone starts laughing.

It's a riveting episode filled with humor, sass, and zany one-liners that will be quoted frequently by fans for the foreseeable future. Liam and Maggie seem to be settling into their relationship nicely with them having a flirty conversation about rules. I smile at Edward as we read off the lines.

But as usual with finales, there has to be some drama in the form of a cliffhanger.

Maggie is about to leave with Liam when they're approached by a leggy, fabulous blonde.

"Maggie, I'm so sorry," Liam murmurs before turning to the blonde. "Irina, what are you doing here?"

Irina smirks. "Well, you'd know if you'd bothered to answer any of my phone calls." She turns to Maggie. "Hi. I'm Irina Brennon." She extends her hand.

"Brennon?" Maggie is visibly confused.

"And you must be the woman who is screwing my husband."

"What the fuck!" I exclaim, but my voice is drowned out by everyone else. My eyes meet Edward's, and he looks resigned.

"He's married?" I mouth.

"Yeah, sorry," he mouths back.

"Bella?" Alec prompts.

I shoot him a glare but proceed.

"The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not."

No shit, Sherlock.

These last couple weeks have been pretty good. This is the last week of shooting the midseason finale, the ratings are higher than ever, and the holidays are just around the corner. I'm spending Thanksgiving with Charlie before I fly back to LA for four weeks. That will consist of me making the meal and freezing many more, so the man can eat something besides fish and diner food. I don't mind it though. I like taking care of him.

"Penny for your thoughts."

I smile at Edward. "With inflation, they're up to a nickel."

He reaches into his pocket, rifles through some change, and places a shiny new nickel in my hand. I close my hand around it.

"I'm thinking about Charlie and how content I am right now."

His eyes search mine, no doubt looking for any dishonesty. He doesn't find any, smiling again when he realizes that. "I'm happy you're happy."

I notice he looks a little sad when he says that.

"I said I was content, not that I was happy. Those are two separate things as far as I'm concerned."

"How so?"

I start walking again, and he falls in step next to me. "Contentment is where you are satisfied with how your life is at the moment, but happiness is having everything you ever wanted in life."

"What more could you possibly want? You are the star of a runaway success."

"There's more to life than money, Edward. You of all people know that. It's not about fancy houses, cars, and material items. It's about waking up and knowing you have everything you've ever dreamed of. Like having a husband and family one day. Like loving someone and knowing I'm loved in return. That's what happiness looks like to me."

He nods but remains quiet.

"What does happiness look like to you?" I ask him.

He barks out a laugh. "Honestly, I have no fucking idea anymore."

I stop cold, and once I search our surroundings, I drag him to an empty on-call room. Shutting the door behind us, I look at him.

"You can talk to me about anything," I assure him. "And it won't leave this room."

He starts pacing and thrusting his hand through his hair. He's agitated. I wait patiently as he gathers his thoughts.

"I thought I was happy. I thought I knew what I wanted. Just like you said, marriage and a family. I got married, and it was good. She didn't want the babies, and now she says she does."

"She wants a baby?" It comes out strangled, but I make a show of clearing my throat.

He gives me the side eye. "Yeah, when she found out what I was making as an actor on the show."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

There's a stilted silence for a moment.

"Maybe because she sees you compromising so much, she thought she'd do the same."

Hope floods his eyes. "You really think so?"

No. "Yeah."

"I don't know. I just…I have this feeling."

"I get those," I assure him.

"Yeah?" There's that hope again.

"Yeah."

"What do you do?"

"I wait for it to pass."

He nods and opens his mouth to say more, but his phone rings. He looks at the screen, and his mouth twists apologetically. I motion that it's okay for him to go.

Then, looking both directions once I hit the door, I head the opposite way.

"And, that's a wrap until next year! Thank you, everybody, and Happy Holidays!" Anton yells over his loudspeaker.

A cheer goes up among all of us still there late. It's half-past ten, and we just finished shooting the scene that had us all up in arms. It's me, Edward, and Natasha, who plays Irina, the crew, and Anton. We each go around hugging each other, and I find myself in Edward's arms.

I give him a gentle squeeze, feeling his heartbeat beneath my ear. I take a deep breath, then wait for it to pass.

It's early morning, and I'm right outside Forks. I love this area. The trees line the rain-slicked highway, opening just enough for me to see the path I'm taking that leads me to home. I haven't been here in a long time. I think it was four or five years ago, always flying Charlie down to LA to visit me. He's not one for the city, but I'm not one for a walk down memory lane.

Until recently, that is. I'm looking for perspective, and I know the only place I can find it is in Forks. The place where my story began. Perhaps the place where I rewrite my story.

I pull up to my teenage home and sit there looking at it. Looks like Charlie put a fresh coat of paint on the house recently. New shutters too. Hmmm…

I climb out of the car and grab the few bags of groceries I bought before leaving Seattle this morning. The Thriftway only sells so much. I struggle a little with the door but manage to get it open, and my foot kicks it closed. I amble into the kitchen and freeze because there is a woman in my father's kitchen. And she's a woman I recognize. She has some old-school headphones on and is busy preparing food. My bags hit the floor and a can of biscuits rolls out and hits her foot. She jumps, first looking at the biscuits in confusion, then looking up until she meets my eyes.

"Bella!" She yanks her headphones out of her ears.

"Mrs. Clearwater." Whereas she is surprised, I'm just amused.

I can see her trying to gather her wits as her mouth opens and closes several times before she squeaks out a "you're early."

"Yeah, I thought I'd surprise Charlie. Of course, I didn't realize I was the one who would be surprised. Explains the paint and shutters though."

"I can explain," she blurts.

"I really don't think I need you to." I laugh. "I can add quite well. No wonder he changes the subject every time I bring you up in conversation."

"He didn't want to worry you."

"I'm less worried now; I assure you." I peer at the counter. "What are you cooking?"

Sue breathes a sigh of relief. "All the sides for Thursday. I thought I'd put them up in the fridge and the freezer. That way we can just put them in the oven that morning."

"Sounds good. Need any help?"

Warmth colors her features. "I'd love that, Bella."

I put my food offerings away, waving off her apologies at "ruining my plans." I wash my hands before joining her at the small island in the kitchen. We're quiet for a few minutes, just chopping vegetables and shucking corn.

"So, how long have you two…"

"About a year," she admits.

I nod slowly, processing that information. "So it's serious?"

She concentrates on her chopping. "Yes."

"Marriage?"

"We've talked about it," she answers carefully.

"Good."

She stops chopping and looks at me. "Do you mean that?"

"With my whole heart."

Her eyes well. "Thank you," she whispers as she wipes an errant tear away.

"Thank you."

We chat about her children, Leah and Seth, who will be joining us Thursday. We share recipes, and we're sitting at his new table when Charlie bolts in, coming to a dead stop when he sees us.

I raise an eyebrow. "Lucy, you got some esplaining to do."

He shuffles his feet back and forth a bit and looks at the floor.

"Charlie, I'm not gonna ground you. You're a grown man. But we do need to have a talk about keeping secrets."

Sue gets up. "I think I'm gonna go switch out the laundry."

"No worries. Charlie and I are going for a drive." He pulls his keys out of his pocket, and I shake my head, adding, "I'm not going in that old truck. We can take the Mercedes."

"I have mud on my boots."

"Then change them."

He grumbles but grabs a clean pair. He's still grumbling as he gets in my "hoity-toity automobile." I ignore him as I drive us out of Forks.

"Where are we going?"

"You're gonna need a ring." I turn to grin at him.

An hour and a half later, I pull into Michael D. Smith's, despite Charlie's protests. "This is the most expensive store in this area," he hisses.

"Just come on."

We enter the store, and I walk straight to the engagement ring section with Charlie lagging behind me.

"So what did you have in mind?" I ask.

"Something cheaper," he mumbles. I just look at him until he caves. "Something practical but pretty. She likes to garden and cook, and she wouldn't want it in her way."

I look over the elaborate selection. I see a saleswoman sidle up to us. "May I help you find something?"

I meet her gaze directly and shock washes over her as she realizes who I am. "Ms. Swan, it's so nice to meet you."

"Thank you, it's nice to meet you too…"

"Carly."

"Carly. My father and I are looking for something for his girlfriend. Something to make their relationship more permanent."

"Of course. What are you looking for?" To her credit, she looks at Charlie.

I'm ready to kick him if he says something rude. "Simple but elegant. Maybe just an engagement ring with an embellished band that could serve for a whole set," I tell her when he doesn't answer.

"Any particular style?"

"Maybe vintage."

"Follow me."

I nudge Charlie, and we walk to where Carly is waiting. She brings out a tray of rings, and I look over them, but none are right. I look through the glass at the other trays and point to the third one. She puts one up and grabs the other one. I run my finger along the second row and grab the fifth ring.

"Tell me about this."

"This is a one-fifth carat vintage halo ring set in white gold."

"How much?"

She types a few numbers in her calculator. "With tax, it would be $1,334.25." Charlie chokes, but I elbow him. "Do you know what size you need?"

"Seven," he mutters.

"Then it won't need sizing," Carly says, smiling.

"Wonderful. What do you think, Charlie?"

"I think I want to go to Walmart."

I choke back laughter as I tell her we'll take it.

Charlie protests when I hand over my credit card.

"Let me do this," I whisper.

He throws me a look but zips his lips. She puts the ring in a black-hinged box and a bag and hands it to me, and I hand it to Charlie.

"Thanks!" I tell her as I lean closer. "If you don't mind, could you wait to tell anyone you saw me here? I don't want to tip off his girlfriend."

She nods with a smile. "Can I have your autograph though?"

"Of course." I sign the piece of paper she gives me with a flourish, then follow Charlie out of the store.

He's looking at the ring with an expression I can't figure out.

"I probably should've gotten your opinion, huh?" I ask, chagrined.

"No, it's better than anything I could've picked out on my own. Just…thank you for supporting me."

"Why wouldn't I? You've supported me my whole life."

His mustache twitches as he fights a smile.

"I leave Sunday. You have to do it while I'm here."

"I can do that. Maybe Thursday since we'll all be together."

He does just that between dinner and dessert. Even turns off football to do it, which, if you know Charlie, is huge. Sue says yes and cries when she sees the ring.

"It's beautiful, Charlie!"

"He has great taste, doesn't he?" I wink at him.

He eventually goes back to football with Seth, and we girls sit at the kitchen table making wedding plans. I have one request—for it to be after filming is completed. Sue assures me that would be no problem. So it's planned for Memorial Day weekend at Second Beach, then to LaPush for a cookout and bonfire. The wedding party is simple with just their children standing up for them. I offer to pay for the wedding, and both Sue and Charlie protest.

Shocker.

"It's not like I don't have the money."

"You've done enough already," Charlie says. "You paid off my house, padded my retirement, and did the same for your mom and Phil. You are not our cash cow."

"So you don't want those season tickets for the Seahawks that I was gonna buy for your Christmas present?" I raise my eyebrow. "They're box seats…"

"Box seats?" Oh, he is really at war with himself. He stammers a bit, then slumps down on the couch.

"That's what I thought." I smirk. "I'm gonna spoil you, so get used to it."

"Hey, Bella? How do you feel about the educational needs of your new baby brother?"

"Seth Andrew Clearwater!" Sue is horrified, but I just break down in giggles.

"We'll talk later, baby brother."

It's Saturday afternoon, and it's a cold, blustery day at Second Beach. I told them I was coming out to scout the location for the wedding, but the truth is I just need a minute to think. I've spent the last few days with Charlie and our new family unit. I also took Leah and Seth out with me to drive around Forks Friday. I visited the school, the ice cream shop, the hardware store, the motel, the place my prom was held, the house Edward lived in…

Edward is all wrapped up in my memories here. Maybe that's why I haven't been back before now. Okay, so no maybe about it.

If it was so painful for me to come back here, why did I ever leave him to start with? Was my dream really that important to me?

"Thought I might find you here."

I blink up at Charlie. "I literally told you I was coming here."

"Smartass," he says as he settles next to me on the fallen tree. "What's on your mind, Bells?"

"You haven't called me that in years."

"I believe you threatened me with bodily harm if I did."

"Sounds like me. I was a little shit, wasn't I?"

"What do you mean was?"

I nudge him as he laughs.

"Do you believe that only one person is meant for us in one lifetime?"

He sobers up and side eyes me curiously. "I hope not, seeing as I'm on my second marriage."

"Your first was a shotgun marriage, so that really doesn't count," I point out.

"Where's this coming from?" Then, "Oh."

"Oh what?"

"Edward."

"I'm so stupid."

"I wouldn't go that far."

"It's gone further than I meant it to," I admit.

"Bella, he's married."

I bark out a laugh. "How well I know. Don't worry, I haven't slept with him."

He blows out a sigh of relief.

"It's just being so close to him all the time now muddles everything. I go between the woman I am now and the girl I was then, and…I don't know. I think I made a huge mistake, and it's too late to fix it. Have you met her?"

"Yeah. Edward brought her around once or twice when his parents still had the house here. She's like that Mercedes you're driving around."

"Huh?"

"Hoity-toity."

We both start laughing, then after a while, I start to cry. As I sob against my father's familiar chest, I hear him whisper, "Mistakes can be fixed."

But I don't know how.

So I walk down memory lane

'Cause I love running into you

"How are you?" "I'm doing great."

And I have you back for a few

~ "Memory Lane," Haley Joelle