Thank you to Team Harpy.

Chapter 11

Bella

My house is a sight for sore eyes. It was great being in Forks and the Pacific Northwest in general, but I have spent the last two years making this house a home. I scored it right before starting season two for a cool $1.9 million. The 1923 Spanish Colonial is small by California standards, but I never needed grandiose, opting for more comfy surroundings instead.

I carry my suitcase up the eight steps to my front door. Passcode punched in, I swing the door open and set my suitcase to the side before shutting the door. It's quiet, which is welcome after being in close confines with the Swan-Clearwater clan and a packed 747. Grabbing my suitcase, I walk to my bedroom where the rest of my belongings I took to Seattle are resting in the corner. I see Angela's been here.

I shower, change, and redress in soft gray pajamas that were included in some swag bag from some award show. I walk to my fridge and grab a Perrier before settling into my patio chair. It's 74 degrees and comfortable, so I sit there for hours and contemplate my life choices thus far.

Probably not the best idea I've ever had.

Dusk falls, and I go back into my kitchen, checking out the contents of my fridge and cupboards. They're full, thanks to Angela, but I decide to order some Chinese takeout from DoorDash. I pull on a sweater 'cause I'm not trying to flash anyone and flip through all my mail until the doorbell rings. I retrieve my food, tip the driver and sit at my dining room table to eat. I've been trying to pinpoint this feeling I've had since I arrived here and it finally hits.

It's loneliness.

I grab my phone to reach out to someone, anyone, but the only person I can think of is Edward, so I put my phone and food away and go to bed.

I hit the ground running the next morning after a wake up call from Angela. I have a print interview today and an accompanying photoshoot for Glamour. I shower and shave, opting to leave my hair to air dry, because once their hair and makeup people get to me, they'd just have to redo it over again.

I arrive at the building and sit down in a cozy office setting. The receptionist offers me a drink and I opt for water. She brings it back with a smile and an assurance that the reporter will be here momentarily.

She arrives a few minutes later in a flurry and with a grin.

"Thank you for coming today," she says. "I'm Sonia."

"Bella." I take her proffered hand and give it a quick shake.

She grabs her voice recorder and sits across from me.

"Anything off limits?" she asks, and I appreciate that.

"My love life or lack thereof." I smile ruefully.

"Noted."

She asks about my childhood, growing up in a small town, my "rise to fame," and the show.

"I gotta tell you: I am loving the Liam and Maggie storyline. Is it correct that Edward Cullen was hired initially as a medical advisor?"

I clear my throat. "Yes. But the camera loves him, so what could we do?"

"Along with millions of women out there."

I keep my smile in place.

"Tell me, is he married?"

"Yes, he is."

"What a shame."

Isn't it though?

"What can you tell me about his wife?"

"I don't feel comfortable disclosing his personal information. Maybe he'd do an interview, and you could ask him yourself." I laugh lightly, but my leg starts doing that swaying thing it does when I'm put on the spot. Anxiety is a bitch.

"This is a woman's magazine."

"Pity."

"Yes, it is. Any information you can give us on upcoming storylines?"

"Now, Sonia, you know my lips are sealed."

"Can't blame a girl for trying." She turns off the voice recorder. "Thank you. It's been a delight. Aimee will lead you to the photoshoot area where they are waiting for you."

I shake her hand and follow Aimee to my next stop. I get beautified, then I'm shown my outfits for the day. Not bad at all.

First is a white off-the-shoulder sweater with a black lace pencil skirt. A crimson jumpsuit with wide ruffled legs is followed by a jade strapless dress and chunky-heeled ankle boots. Last but not least is a silky orange blouse paired with dark-denim cut-offs and thigh-high tights. None of these outfits are really "me," but they're a welcome change from scrubs.

The photoshoot lasts about an hour and a half, then I'm released. I wait for my car then head home where I fall asleep until the next day.

The next few weeks pass the same way. I do an interview with Kimmel where I skirt around spoilers. Alec would murder us if we let a detail slip. Once again, I am asked about Edward, and once again, I answer vaguely. Kimmel does mention contacting him to be on his show.

Edward will probably pass out from the pressure. Or he'll charm the panties off the audience. There's no in-between with him.

Next week is Christmas, so Angela and I put up the tree. I wouldn't bother, but mom and Phil are coming, and she'd be horrified if I didn't decorate. I also made a grocery order for next week, making sure to order all their favorite things.

The whole time my phone haunts me. I'd throw it in a drawer and forget about it if I could. I wonder what he's doing.

Probably making a baby with his wife, Bella.

I go to my liquor cabinet and down a few shots.

"Bella! You look tired, baby," Renee says as she kisses my cheeks.

"Thanks, Mom," I reply dryly as I hug Phil. The airport is slammed with holiday arrivals and traffic is gonna suck. I herd them and their bags to my car and try to contain my road rage on the way home. I am absolutely hiring a car if we venture out.

Renee marvels at my home when we get there. The last time she visited was a few months before I bought this house. I usually opt to visit her in Florida once a year. It's funny now that I think about it. I go to her but make Charlie come here.

I'll psychoanalyze that later.

We have an early dinner of street tacos and enchiladas before Phil turns in, and it's just Mom and I to sort the Christmas presents she brought with her. She rearranges my tree and the gifts under them a little, while I goodnaturedly roll my eyes.

She breathes a sigh of satisfaction as she sits down next to me, angling her body towards mine in a way I am familiar with, and I steel myself for the interrogation.

"You seem unhappy."

"Whyever would you assume that? I mean, look at all this." I gesture around our surroundings.

"Bella, since when did material belongings matter to you?"

I shrug. "Since that's all I have." I laugh bitterly.

"That's not true."

"Tell me, Renee, what do I have?"

"A job you love. Family that loves you. It could be worse, ya know?"

"Yeah."

"One day you'll find a partner you love and who loves you. You're still young. No sense in hurrying to settle down."

"What if I told you I already had that, and I gave it up for all this?"

"Edward? Honey, you were a teenager. You know those relationships don't last. I mean, look at me and your father."

I abruptly get up and make a beeline for my liquor cabinet, pouring myself a healthy dose of tequila. I throw it back and grimace as the burn slides down my throat.

"Trust me, I lived that. All of my life, back and forth between you two. Never talking to each other, me being the messenger. You know he's remarrying?"

She remains silent.

"I didn't think it would happen. He spent decades pining after you up and left, taking me with you."

"That's not entirely my fault," she objects.

I turn around to face her. "I'm just like you, you know? The minute I thought my dreams could be compromised, I ran far away from that sleepy little town in the middle of nowhere. I ran away from him."

"He's married, Bella Marie," she counters flatly.

"You think I don't know that, Renee? You don't think I tell myself that every minute of every day? But the way he looks at me sometimes," I end on a whisper, but she hears me.

"We are not homewreckers." And to her, that's it. I expect her to be looking defiant like she usually does after we argue, but instead, she looks concerned, and my anger deflates. This situation is not her fault.

"I'm sorry. I'm just…not myself lately."

"You're confused."

"No, I'm not confused. I know how I feel. That's the problem. She's awful to him, did you know that? Of course you don't. She's a vapid social climber, but because I'm not a homewrecker, I try to convince him she's not."

"Don't you think he's smart enough to figure out his wife on his own? And if he does leave, and he comes back to you, are you gonna run this time?"

"No. I'm done running."

"Okay, so wait it out."

"And if it never happens?"

"Then that's your answer, Bella."

I look over and smile softly at her. "Thank you. For letting me unload on you."

"It was bound to happen sooner or later. You were such a good kid, so I knew that streak was too good to continue." She winks.

Christmas comes, and it's a lazy day filled with food, gifts, and laughter. My phone goes off all day with Merry Christmas messages from my coworkers and the Forks family. Sue called me gushing about her new AirPods and iPad. I gave Leah and Seth the same, though the latter would be getting an accounts-paid notice from his community college next week. I'm working on helping get Leah's student loan balance down once Sue gives me her account number. And I gave Charlie a new fishing boat along with his season tickets. He alternated between being furious and thrilled. Little does he know I'm paying for their honeymoon. But I'll spring that on him later.

Speaking of trips, my present to Renee and Phil was a second honeymoon traveling around Europe. She squealed so loud I swear it cracked my wine glasses.

They got me some new books by local authors in their area knowing how much I love to read. I haven't read much besides scripts lately, so I vowed to change that.

My phone continues to go off with texts from everyone but the person from whom I want one. Knowing I shouldn't but not giving a damn, I text "Merry Christmas" to Edward before I lose my nerve.

Almost immediately my phone vibrates.

"Merry Christmas, Bella."

With a smile, I put my phone away and focus on my parents.

They leave the next day in a flurry of activity, and though I miss Renee, I relish in the silence. I stay a hermit the rest of the week, my mental countdown focusing on January 2nd, which is when I fly back to Seattle and to the man I shouldn't want and may never have.

Angela comes over and helps me repack my things. Luckily it's not that hard, as I didn't really unpack, staying mostly in sleep clothes during my vacation.

"You seem calmer," she remarks as she places some t-shirts neatly in one suitcase.

"Did I not before?"

"To most you are, but to me…come on, Bella, assistant or not, I'm your closest friend. The fact that I'm paid well by the network is moot."

"Got that raise, did you?" I wink.

"Yes, and thank you."

"You're well worth it."

"Don't change the subject."

"I'm not." I sit down on the side of my bed. "My parents helped me work a few things out."

"Like…"

"Edward is married, and I'm still in love with him."

"And?"

"That's it."

"I already knew that, Bella."

"It took me a minute to catch up."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing."

"I'm not following."

"He's married, and I refuse to go there. Not my style."

"But she's awful."

"Good thing I didn't marry her then. She's his problem. I'm going to continue being his friend until his blinders come off. If they ever do."

"That's it?"

"That's it," I confirm. "Now how many shoes can we fit in here? I didn't take enough last time."

We continue packing, and she takes all but one suitcase with her to load on the private plane tomorrow morning.

I spend the last night in my house cleaning out the fridge and taking out the trash since I won't see it until May at the earliest. I'm restless, so I take an Ativan to help me sleep.

Next morning, I wait for the driver to arrive, and we spend most of the ride in silence since I'm not a morning person, and we are flying out at the ass crack of dawn. Angela greets me with a coffee and bagel from Starbucks.

"I seriously love you," I say as I grab it from her hand.

We find our preferred seats on the plane, and it's a lovely surprise when Jake and his husband, Sam, board. We exchange greetings as we buckle up for take off. I catch up on emails and appearance requests before I put my phone away and spend the rest of the nearly three-hour flight catching up with everyone on board.

From my window, I see Mount Rainier, and I know we're almost to Seattle. I put my things away and just focus on the scenery, and when the wheels touch down, I smile.

I'm back where he is.

I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to
When I'm lyin' close to someone else
You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again, I know I'd go back to you - Back to You, Selena Gomez