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Ch.43- "Savior"

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The empty nail beds on his toes had just begun scabbing over when the MPs came to escort him to his audience with the King. The manacles they locked around his ankles and wrist dug into his skin, cutting him when they forced him to his feet. With every step he took, Erwin could feel his toes scraping against the inside of his shoe, needles stabbing into the raw, inflamed flesh. But he did not complain. He did not cry out or even groan. He had to save his strength, his voice. This… this was the moment of truth. Hopefully, Zachary had done his part. Pixis… as much as he hated to admit it, Pixis was barely a step above the Assembly. He cared far too much about the abstract idea of "humanity", and far too little about the actual people who comprised it. Still… if everything went according to plan, even he would be swayed.

If.

The march seemed to take forever- he must have been in the absolute bowels of the Chancellery. He couldn't walk; he had to shuffle along, dragging his injured, swollen foot behind him. By the time they got high enough that natural light began shining through the windows, he could feel the blood pooling in his shoe, squishing between his toes. Every meter forward exhausted him, his vision blurring several times, and more than once, he lost his balance and stumbled, even falling to his knees once. The MPs on either side of him offered their help by yanking him back up by the chain locked around his waist that his hand and feet were connected to.

There was no anger, no sadistic glee in either of their faces as they dragged him along. Theirs was a casual cruelty, the same as Glennbeck. All of his blows had been delivered with a nonchalance that bordered on apathy. This was just a job for these people. They'd probably tortured and delivered dozens, if not hundreds of innocent people for execution, and over the years, they grew numb to it just as most people did in their jobs. Really, what difference was there between him signing death certificates for the people he sent to their graves then going to visit Thomasin, and these MPs ripping out someone's nails before returning home to their families? The world they all shared was a cruel one… unfortunately made crueler by some.

The royal audience chamber was near the top floor of the Chancellery., sealed off with massive doors, whitewashed and gilded in so much gold leaf, they were almost too bright to look directly upon. It was but a prelude for the audience chamber itself. Erwin had to shut his eyes against the blinding light. The wall opposite him was crafted almost entirely of glass, the only section of wall not overlooking the verdant courtyard that squared behind the king's throne. He stared at the king, this pretender, as he limped forward. He stood out against the deep crimson of his plush backdrop, with his white silk raiment and his white leather slippers and his white hair and beard. Even his posture, slumped, resting his chin on his palm, reeked of decadence, a man with not a care in the world.

Aside from the king and the Assembly and their guards, the other commanders and their lieutenants were gathered as well. Some sneered at Erwin as he passed them, but others were clearly taken aback by the sight of him. He couldn't imagine how awful he looked, swollen and bloody and filthy and reeking. He must have seemed better suited for digging through the trash for scraps in the Underground, not besmirching their delicate gazes. A glance at Nile revealed that he was pointedly trying to avoid looking in Erwin's direction, his brows furrowed, his lips pressed into a thin line. But his eyes betrayed him, darting over to glance at his old friend before immediately looking away, his expression even more disturbed. He probably hadn't gotten a good look at him in that dark cell.

It took a bit of doing, but Erwin managed to kneel before the Assembly, his knees sinking into the shag of the crimson rug, the damp from his pants- all manner of disgusting fluids- darkening the intricately woven designs.

"Erwin Smith." Lord Clemons' haughty voice rang out in the massive room. "Do you have any last words?" Oh, he had words. Plenty of words, words he'd rehearsed long before they even brought him to this hellhole. He inhaled deeply.

"When facing your enemy, you can't just guard with a shield- you need a spear to dispatch the threat. If you disband the Survey Corps, it will be akin to humanity tossing its spear aside." He tried to sound as confident and steadfast as possible, but even to his own ears, his voice was a horror, not just in how hoarse and broken it had become, but that the teeth missing from the right side of his mouth caused a noticeable lisp. He swallowed, his throat raw. No, he would not be humiliated by what these men did to him. He straightened.

"Suppose that in this very instant, Wall Rose was breached- we know for a fact that the Armored and Colossal Titans are still running free. Once again, half of humanity would be forced to flee, this time to Wall Sina… but the earlier evacuation left us with only a few more days worth of supplies at best. And when they run out, locals and refugees will be forced to fight for survival. Wall Rose and Wall Sina- all of humanity would split, and a civil war would quickly erupt. Even if the walls remain intact, Wall Rose is suffering from a perpetual shortage of food. Titans may not even breach Wall Sina- it's entirely possible that the residents of Wall Rose will do it first."

Behind him, he could hear the muffled whispers of MPs talking to one another, a worrisome buzz. Oh, they didn't like that idea. They'd trained long and hard to claw their way into the Interior, into safety and security, but he'd just revealed a threat peeking over their beloved Wall, and this time, it wasn't the Colossal Titan.

"Wall Maria must be reclaimed. If humanity is to have any hope for the future, that is the only way." Lord Deltoff's lip curled into a hateful sneer.

"And you think such an undertaking can only be accomplished by the Scouts?" The disgust in his voice, as though the mere mention of "Scouts" left a bad taste in his mouth… Erwin felt the same way with every words these monsters uttered, but he could not sneer. His face, swollen and misshapen as it was, remained stoic.

"If not us, who else? Our duty as Scouts has ever been to charge forth at the enemy. Hiding in wait behind these walls will solve nothing, but in the past five years, no one but the Scouts have even attempted to venture beyond this shrinking cage. Clearly we must take the first 's my belief… unless you have some sort of secret plan to save us from this slow march towards extinction?" He could feel their eyes piercing him, burning him, wanting nothing more than to immolate him until every trace of his existence was erased from this earth. He met their gazes defiantly, as best he could when one of his eyes was still so swollen he could barely see out of it. Lord Clemons leaned forward in his chair to better look down his nose at him.

"Commander, it seems you misunderstand what this is. The reason you stand before us today isn't to discuss humanity's future within the walls, nor is it on account of something as simple as a murder. Clause six of the Charter of Humanity- 'One must never prioritize their own gain over humanity's survival'. You've broken the most sacred of laws."

"Indeed," Aleister chimed in, his expression far more sour than the rest of the council. "You have refused to hand over Eren Yaeger time and time again, and through this selfish action, you've violated our Charter."

"Because Eren is vital for the reclamation of Wall Maria-!"

"That is not for the Survey Corps to decide!" Lord Deltoff shut him down immediately. "Eren Yaeger is a Titan whose abilities are hardly understood. To shelter him within our Walls is to put all of humanity at risk! The very idea of allowing a single commander to have control of him is absurd."

"Especially if that commander is you, as shown by the way you maliciously schemed against the state. Not only did you feign his abduction to conceal his whereabouts, not only did you have Dimo Reeves murdered when he learned too much, you unleashed that monster in Stohess to delay his execution! This amounts to blatant treason!" The more he spoke, the more worked up Lord Clemons became. Pastor Roderich was the inverse, his voice low and calm as he condemned Erwin.

"It's not a stretch to describe you as a threat to humanity. Perhaps it's a side effect of witnessing so many deaths during your years of service, but you seem to have no regard for the lives of anyone within these Walls." Erwin's jaw tightened, pain rippling out from his broken teeth. The nerve of him, of all these men, these monsters… daring to accuse him of not caring about humanity. He who dedicated his heart, his soul, he who wanted nothing more than for humanity to thrive, both within and beyond the Walls. Aleister's voice cut through his thoughts and his stomach clenched. He would never be able to hear that wretched man speak again without his vision going blank in a white-hot rage.

"Commander Pixis. The southern Garrison and Survey Corps regularly risk their lives fighting side by side on the front lines; how are we to know that they aren't working together now?"

"I am deeply disturbed to know that you believe we would align ourselves with the Survey Corps!" The outrage in Pixis' voice was so convincing, Erwin had to wonder if he wasn't working off a grain of truth. "There is nothing more repugnant than humans killing each other. In this cramped bit of land that was left to us, it would take but a single spark to engulf all in the flames of civil war. Just before the battle to retake Trost began, I said as much to the soldiers I lead, before sending hundreds to their deaths… If the Survey Corps is that fateful spark, it should be smothered at once!"

It wasn't a gasp that filled the room, more like several sharp inhales, definitely surprised. Erwin reminded himself that these were just lines in a play, even though he could very easily see Pixis saying the exact same words with complete sincerity. The Garrison commander relaxed, a smile lightening the tone of his words.

"Besides, think about it- what if Titans really did break down the Wall only to find next to no one inside it? The poor creatures might starve." Aleister let out a laugh that he quickly turned into a cough. Of course it was funny to him. He'd never seen anyone get devoured by a Titan. He'd never even seen one in the flesh. Sure he saw the destruction left behind in Stohess, but he didn't live in Stohess. He lived in Mitras, where Titans could never break through, where his lands and wealth and things were all safe. Clemons cleared his throat, less amused by all this talk of Titans.

"I take it you're finally done talking? In that case, Erwin Smith, for the crime of conspiring against the state, it is the ruling of the land that you be stripped of your title as 'Commander' and sentenced to death. Take him to the gallows." One of the nearer MPs grabbed his badly bruised arm, heaving him back to his feet. The powder had been laid, and now, he just waited for the spark to-

"SIRS!" The doors slammed open, Pixis' lieutenant Anka rushing into the chamber, breathing hard, red faced and grim. "Wall Rose has fallen! The gates have been breached!" The assembled men sucked in a collective breath, fear twisting their faces. Anka quickly straightened, her fist against her chest as she gave her report. "It was just like Wall Maria- the Armored and Colossal appeared out of nowhere and broke through both gates in Calaneth district! Refugees are currently flooding this way from the east!" Her voice even wavered slightly, as though she were fighting back her own fear.

Perhaps she was; perhaps she realized how likely a scenario this actually was and she took no pleasure in acting it out… or perhaps she was just that good of an actress. Either way, Pixis owed her her hazarded a quick glance at Nile, watching his old friend's face turn the color of sour milk as he gaped in disbelief. When hazel eyes caught his, he looked away. 'I warned you…' In stark contrast to the panicking voices growing louder, Pixis remain unshaken as ever.

"Secure an evacuation route! Order all southern Garrison troops to head to the eastern front and defend the people!"

"Wait-"

"Send word to the northern and western Garrisons as well; we need as much manpower as possible!"

"Stop-"

"We must ensure that no residents are left behind this time!"

"Sir!"

"No!" Nearly two dozen pairs of eyes alighted on Lord Clemons. He, and the other members of the Assembly had finally stood- it seemed they had been speaking amongst themselves, and whatever they had discussed was not good. Sweat beaded at the portly lord's hairline, his sagging cheeks flushed despite the pallor of the rest of his face. "Bring the southern Garrison north and close off all gates to Wall Sina! Don't let a single refugee in!"

"But…" Nile took a step towards them, horror and disbelief battling for supremacy on his face. "Everyone in Wall Rose will die! Are you telling us to just stand by while all those people are devoured!?"

"What if one of those refugees is the person controlling the Armored or Colossal- do you just expect us to let them into Wall Sina?!"

"Closing the gates won't stop them!" Another officer shouted out. "It didn't stop them in Shiganshina, it didn't stop them in Trost, and it clearly didn't stop them in Calaneth!"

"Hell, the ones we know of were in the military- who knows how many more are already inside the Walls!?"

"If they want to get in, they'll get in!"

"Half of humanity will die if we close the gates!" With his noble-sounding excuse falling flat, Lord Clemons began floundering.

"And half will die if we let them in as well! Your Christ-king Erwin just sat there preaching how Wall Sina doesn't have enough resources to maintain the entire human population! The rule of law would collapse in days! The streets would run red with blood! You would have a war erupt within our Walls!?" Nile shook his head helplessly.

"You don't know that would happen… that's just a possibility-"

"It's enough that the possibility exists!"

"But-"

"We cannot take that risk! Have you forgotten your place?! Our authority is absolute! You have your orders, now follow them!"

Pixis heaved a deep sigh, the lines around his mouth carving even deeper. The heavy nod he gave his lieutenant seemed to age him decades. She'd no sooner run from the room to relay the new orders than the voices within erupted, all whispering to one another, but coalescing until one could barely hear themselves think. Erwin was too far away to hear what the Assembly members were saying, so he instead closed his eyes, trying to ignore the throbbing of his injuries and instead focus on the voices of the commanders and officers nearest him.

"…well, we have our orders."

"B-but-"

"No buts! We need to start immediately!"

"Start what? Closing the gates? Damning people to be eaten!?" Nile was utterly aghast.

"Obviously. What else are we supposed to-"

"What's taking so long!?" Clemons shouted down at them. "Go do your duty! Ignoring our orders is a direct act of treason!"

"…then I guess I'm a traitor…"

"What?" Despite the pain in his head when he did so, Erwin couldn't help but open his eyes, turning his attention back to Nile. It seemed both horror and disbelief had lost in the end, beaten out by defiant fury.

"If you want to close those gates, you're going to have to go through me to do it! I am a citizen of Wall Rose! Do you really think I'm going to just stand by while we lose half of humanity!? Was killing all those Wall Maria refugees four years ago not enough?!" Clemons' eyes nearly bulged from his skull as the vein in his temple began pulsating.

"If you wish to be a traitor like your friend Smith, then you can hang right alongside him!"

"No, I don't think that will be necessary…" With all the commotion happening at the front of the room, no one had noticed Premier Zachary slip in, but they certainly noticed the three or so dozen armed guards that had stepped in behind them. Their guns were not aimed, but were held at the ready.

"P-Premier Zachary, what-?" Pixis moved his hands behind his back, standing a bit straighter.

"Did you find their response surprising, or-"

"Not in the slightest. Didn't I warn you?"

"Dhalis, what is the meaning of this!?" Aleister's voice was laced with as much anger as uncertainty. The Premier reached up, pushing his wire framed spectacles higher onto his nose.

"Calm yourselves. The report you just heard was in error. As of this moment, no Titan attacks have been confirmed." It was only in that moment of clarity, when the fear and confusion and anger fell away, that they realized the gravity of their words.

"You bastard!" Clemons could barely speak, his rage choking him. "You set this all up?!"

"No," Pixis corrected him calmly. "I did. I'm the one who organized this."

"You?! Wh-why?!"

"When you asked me if the Garrison is aligned with the Survey Corps, I answered in earnest that we are not. But neither are we aligned with the Assembly."

"What?!"

"Although I agree with Erwin on several points, I was still willing to put my trust in your rule if you could prove yourselves to be the better choice for humanity. You know things about this world we could never understand, and if you had pretended to give a damn about the people you govern for a single moment, I would have stood by while you sent Erwin to the gallows." The deep, dark anger in his voice grew more pronounced with every word.

"All of us were prepared to forfeit our lives if you had proven yourselves competent leaders, but unfortunately for us all, you are every bit as cruel and craven as we feared… We may know nothing about the Titans, but at the very least, we know that human lives are worth more than land and power."

"Oh, shut up, you old fool!" Clemons screamed at him, the fury in his voice belying the fear in his eyes. "Do you honestly think you've accomplished anything!? All you've done by pointing guns at us is solidify your positions as traitors! So what if you take control of the capital- the rural lords will never bow down to common slaves, and the peasants will only obey the king!"

"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that…" Zachary stepped forward, his voice low and even as though he were discussing a budget approval. "You probably haven't stepped outside your pretty little bubble in a while- interacting with the 'peasants' and'common slaves' must be such a chore- but the people have been increasingly unsatisfied with both the king and your rule for a good five years. It wouldn't take much to turn most of them against you- even something as small as a confession can turn public favor…" He pulled a rolled up newspaper from his coat's deep pocket and unrolled it, holding it up in front of Erwin's face. "This is the extra edition from Berg's Newspaper. Can you read this?" Erwin squinted, wincing as a sharp ache tore through his bruised eye. He could see dark lines that must have been letters, but they all blurred and swam.

"I'm afraid not. My eyes are still rather swollen."

"Oh, of course. I'd almost forgotten how the Assembly treats the people they don't agree with. Allow me to elucidate." He cleared his throat, an edge in this voice that gave off the impression that he was enjoying every second of this. "Apparently, Flegel Reeves, the son of the late Dimo Reeves, gave a testimony detailing what happened at, and his subsequent escape from, the scene of his father's murder. An officer of the Interior Military Police publicly confessed that the royal government not only threatened the Reeves Company, but also arranged to frame the Survey Corps for the massacre of civilians that they were responsible for killing. Several dozen civilians were present to hear his confession, offered freely, and it was corroborated by several other officers.

The reporters attest that all other information outlets only print state-approved versions of events under threat of death. In other news, two members of the First Interior Squad who work directly under the Assembly have testified that King Fritz is a pretender to the throne and the true king who rules from the shadows is one Lord Rod Reiss." Zachary folded the newspaper, returning it to his pocket. "Well, gentlemen; have we left any details out?"

"You…" Clemons could barely speak, his teeth gritted so hard. "You actually think the people will believe such blatant lies?"

"They already believe it," Pixis told him darkly. "The people of Trost know firsthand that the Survey Corps has risked everything to protect them since Wall Maria fell. They already knew that the royal government had no qualms about killing civilians en masse; they watched as twenty percent of the population was marched outside their gate to be fed to the Titans. Your lies could only paint over the truth for so long."

"You can't silence everyone…" The words left Erwin's lips before he could stop himself. It hurt to speak, his throat was so raw, but he couldn't stop. "For every throat you slit, another voice will speak out… For every life you cut short, another will remember… We are not pawns for you monsters to play God with!" It seemed as though Lord Clemons might rush him, but before he could do more than snarl, several of the Premier's guards stepped up to block them, guns leveled in case they made any sudden moves.

Each member of the Assembly lined up against the wall, along with the MPs who guarded them, after they had been stripped of their weapons. The ersatz king had been allowed to remain seated on the throne- Clemons had violently kicked the deep mahogany side, revealing that the old man had been asleep all this time. Apparently, he was half blind and almost completely senile, barely having any idea where he was. It was a pitiful revelation, another layer of their cruelty and disregard for any lives other than their own. Erwin could see the MP who was currently unlocking his shackles try to hide his revulsion behind a facade of professionalism. He pitied the man, well aware of how rank he was. He wanted nothing more than to sink into a hot bath, to slip under the water until all his aches and pains and problems went away. Beside him, Nile was shaking his head, buried in his hands, muttering to himself, the same phrase, over and over again.

"I don't believe this… I don't fucking believe this…"

"Calm down, Nile." Erwin could taste blood in his mouth when he spoke, but he couldn't tell if it was from his lips, his gums or his throat. "There are no Titans today. Wall Rose is intact. Marie and the girls are fine."

"You knew… you planned all of this out from the fucking start…"

"Exactly. I knew they weren't in any actual danger."

"I regret knowing you every day of my life." Honestly, he couldn't blame the man. Most people who he interacted with for any extended period of time probably felt much the same way. It seemed that Nile's regret didn't run too deep, at least, as he ran a still somewhat shaking hand through his hair. The color returned to his face as the fear that had overtaken him finally ebbed completely. "You don't seem very happy. I mean, you not only escaped execution, you pulled off a coup. I think that'd be worth a smile." Erwin lifted his head to face the other man. It felt like it was full of cotton.

"…why would I be happy, Nile? How many innocent people have been slaughtered by these men, and men just like them, over the past century we've claimed to have 'peace'…?" His head was spinning, the entire room was spinning. "How many innocent people might have been saved if someone had taken action against them sooner…?"

"Erwin? You don't look good…" He laughed, the stretch of his lips as he smiled splitting them open. Copper flooded on his tongue and brought with it a wave of nausea.

"That's mean, Nile. I don't… insult…" He felt himself tipping over, but it was almost dreamlike, as though he were floating. He didn't feel himself hit the floor.

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Erwin woke up sooner than anyone was expecting. They wanted to bring a doctor in to look over his injuries, but he brushed them off. Nothing Glennbeck or Aleister had done had killed him thus far, so he could probably survive a little longer. He had work to do- he had to contact Hange or Levi, he had to find Eren and Historia, he had to… he had to put on some clean clothes; it felt like these had begun fusing to his skin.

Pilfering clothes from the dresser of one of the Interior MPs paled in comparison to the things they did, but it still felt morally wrong. He'd always been taught not to steal- money, belongings, lives… He pushed those thoughts from his head as he pulled out clean clothes that looked like they might fit him- there were plenty of tall people in the military, but few were as… broad as him.

The reminder of Thomasin hit him like a punch to the face, and Erwin had to lean against the dresser until the spinning in his head eased up slightly. What had Nile said; she was missing? He himself admitted that the Interior MPs didn't tell the regular MPs anything, so how would he know that unless they had put out a warrant for her? He thought back to Aleister's rage, three dead soldiers in that bitch's house… it didn't seem nearly as funny this time around.

The last time he had word from them, the 104th had been laying low in western Wall Rose, close to Yarkle, near Mike's village… Levi wouldn't drag them to the other side of the Walls on the off chance that MPs with less than pure intentions might come and harass his commander's wife… no, if anything, he and Hange probably would have met up by now. They would most likely be heading north, towards the Reiss family chapel. Then that was where he needed to go. Thomasin… Thomasin would have to wait. She was fine. After all, if any MPs had gotten a hold of her, Erwin had no doubt that he would have been made to hear about it by now.

He had learned to dress himself with his left hand, and could do a decent enough job of it, but dressing himself with his left hand when all his nails were missing was a different beast entirely. His fingers were swollen and red, the dried blood crusted in his nail beds nearly black. Just unbuttoning his shirt was an ordeal, but he had to take off the rest of his clothes as well. His pants, underwear, shoes… It was slow, painful going, and by the time he'd stripped down, his fingertips were smeared with fresh blood. He avoided the mirror in the MPs' quarters- he could see enough of himself from the corners of his eyes.

He wasn't even trying to look, but every glance afforded him a vision of a new bruise, so many scrapes, his wrist lacerated from the rusting iron edge that had been digging into it for the past four days now. It felt like it had been so much longer than that. Maybe it was because they had wanted his death to be a public spectacle; after all, some poor bastard in Oldhill found his father's corpse dumped on the side of the road less than twenty four hours after he'd gone missing. Hanging a school teacher didn't provide as much entertainment for the wealthy elites as a military commander…

Bile rose in his throat and he swallowed it several times; he'd been sick so many times over the course of his "interrogation", he'd rather lose another nail than throw up again. It was long and arduous, but he finally managed to put on his clean clothes. They were liberally smeared with blood by the time he was done. It felt horrible, putting them on over his damp, grimy skin, but as much as he longed for one, there wasn't time for a shower. Time was of the essence; he needed to get up north and seek out Hange and Levi as quickly as possible.

~o0o~

There was a sort of grim humor in standing atop his own gallows to publicly announce that he wasn't going to die any time soon. It was almost akin to dancing atop one's own grave. Either they hadn't erected the pillory Aleister had promised yet, or else they'd taken it down to make more space for the crowd. Surprisingly enough, his dress greens and bolo tie hadn't been tossed into a furnace, and donning them, Erwin looked almost like a commander again as he stood beside Zachary. He'd wanted to speak, but his throat was far too destroyed to shout loudly enough for his voice to carry across the crowd of worried, apprehensive faces. The premier had spoken for both of them, but still insisted Erwin stand beside him. Perhaps it was unintentional, but he couldn't help but feel that he was there to serve as a silent warning to those assembled, his bruised, bloody face a dark reminder of what the previous regime had been doing beneath all their noses. It could have been any one of them, and they probably wouldn't have the fortitude of a veteran soldier to endure it for nearly as long.

They hadn't even finished descending the stairs before the press came swarming like flies to a carcass.

"The rumors of Titans gathering in the east were false-"

"General Zachary!"

"-does that mean the claims of Titans being spotted south of Yarkle were also fabricated?"

"Commander Pixis!"

"Will you be seeking the death penalty for the Assembly members who violated the Charters of Humanity?"

"Commander Erwin!"

"Is it true-"

"We've given you our statement. You can field any additional questions to Commander Dok," Zachary told the reporters flatly. His strides were forceful, threatening to barrel over anyone who didn't move in time. The crowd parted for him, and Erwin trailed in his wake, trying to stand upright, trying not to limp, trying to maintain the face of the Survey Corps even though he was certain everyone could smell him. "Where are you heading, Erwin?" It took a moment for Zachary's words to breach the throbbing in his skull. He needed to go north; the Reiss chapel was the most likely place Eren and Historia were being held, but…

"Ehrmich." He couldn't let his Scouts see him like this. He needed to collect himself. The older man nodded.

"I figured as much. I'm heading back to Stohess- there's something I need to fetch from my home- but we can share a carriage to the port." There was already a carriage waiting. The Premier's stature required a bit more effort for him to climb in, but he still had an easier time of it than Erwin. He couldn't even grip the side of the door for balance, blood welling up on his nail beds. Zachary grabbed his inflamed wrist and heaved him inside.

"Thank you, sir…" he breathed, slumping the moment he sat. He hadn't felt this exhausted since losing his arm, and even that hadn't left his entire body screaming in protest with every breath.

"They did quite a number on you. You might want to see a doctor before heading back to work."

"There's no time for that…" The carriage lurched forward as the horses began their trot, and he nearly threw up. Zachary scoffed, opening his window and letting in a much needed breeze.

"Everyone has been managing without you just fine, it seems. Your Scouts, your wife- you're surrounded by competent people, Erwin. Not many are so fortunate." His wife… she was missing… there were dead soldiers in her house… Aleister's whole demeanor, everything he said regarding her had been so strange… He swallowed, trying to wet his parched mouth to no avail.

"Sir, I was told a group of Interior MPs went to bring my wife in for questioning-"

"Yes, horrible business, that. Aleister told me what happened." The older man clucked his tongue. "A murder-suicide; the official record will reflect as much… They must not have been able to find her and were terrified of the consequences for failure. Yet more victims of this regime…" Erwin let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"Thank you, sir."

"Consider it a belated wedding gift. One less thing for you to worry about." Yes… a good husband would have been worrying about his wife being charged with murder… or his friends being killed… or the only hope for Wall Maria's reclamation being devoured… And yet…

"I haven't been worried, not nearly as much as I should have… These past few days, my thoughts have not been with my soldiers, nor my friends, nor my wife…" he whispered, more to himself than the man beside him. "If you consider peace and a sense of security- even a false, fleeting one- to be what's best for humanity… then maybe I should have just let everyone die the way I always have. If Wall Rose were breached, maybe this time they'd actually do something about it. And if not… we all die anyway; would it not be kinder to let humanity spend its final days in relative contentment?" Silence fell in the cabin, broken only by the horseshoes and carriage wheels rolling over the stone. "General, why did you agree to go along with this plan?" Zachary looked over at him, his lenses catching in the scant light.

"Let me ask you a question first, Erwin. If you actually believed any of the things you just said, why even mention this harebrained scheme to another person? We all have those fleeting thoughts- 'why, if I were in charge'- but we don't plan them out. We don't involve other people, especially not people as up their own ass as Dot Pixis." His candidness was a show, but Erwin remained silent. "If humanity spending its final days in blissful ignorance was such a viable option, why didn't you just hand Eren over, retire, and spend the rest of your days with your pretty little wife, rearing pretty little children?"

Go enjoy your ignorant swine life, corralled together with your ignorant swine wife and your ignorant swine children. Be content in your stupidity…

He swallowed against his growing nausea.

"I…" The words were on his tongue, but he couldn't for the life of him make his lips form them. Zachary's lips quirked into a knowing grin.

"Well, I'll go ahead and answer your question. Why would I point my rifles at the 'king' and his men? Because I always hated those bastards." Erwin couldn't tell what shocked him more; the reason, the admission, or the pride in Zachary's voice. Fury burned in his eyes, pure loathing dripping from every word. "Pompous tyrants, smug pretenders, acting like their shit was solid gold, as though we commoners were too stupid to see their bald disdain for our very existence. I can't count how many times I prayed for them to die the slowest, most painful deaths imaginable. I've been dreaming of this day for almost my entire life…" He leaned closer to Erwin, nothing joyful in his smile.

"Most people in the military are either like your friend Nile- sheep who don't have a single thought in their empty little heads- or like Dot- so indoctrinated to be grateful to their noble overlords that the King could piss on his mother and he'd thank him for it. But not me… and not you. As soon as I clapped eyes on you, I knew you were different, Erwin. And you proved that immediately. Admit it; you blackmailed that little whoreson Nicholas Lobov, didn't you?" He was actually expecting an answer.

"Yes, sir."

"Of course you did; who else but you? Keith didn't have the balls to stand up for himself, much less his soldiers. I was proud of you. You have no respect for your so-called 'betters'; and honestly, why should you?" He leaned back, his feral leer softening into something… sympathetic. "Pixis told me the little story you told him. About what happened to your father. He was worried you might be plotting this coup as some form of revenge. I told him 'you're bending over backwards to give the people responsible for the deaths of twenty percent of humanity the benefit of the doubt, but you won't extend that same courtesy to a man who's been putting his life on the line to protect humanity for the past fifteen years?' That shut him up real quick."

"…thank you for defending me-"

"I was lying through my teeth. I know you want revenge. How could you not? After what they did to your father? Your soldiers? You? What they tried to do to your wife; oh, don't think for a second I don't know what they have done to the wives and children of dissidents. I've seen children with their throats slit, babies with their skulls cracked open… The fact that they didn't tear you apart limb from limb to punish your father is a miracle- the son of a bitch responsible for that case must have still had some shred of a conscience left. Our lives only have value inasmuch as we can provide labor and entertainment for them, and they love to watch us suffer.

I'd be more concerned if, after all that's happened to you, you were willing to just turn the other cheek. No one is that self sacrificing, as much as Pixis likes to pretend he is. It's disingenuous." Inhaling deeply, the premier leaned back against the seat, his eyes closed. "The desire for revenge, to do unto others as they have done unto you, is a human one. People are selfish. It's why we've survived this long. Whether or not this revolution is good or bad for humanity as a whole is of no interest to me, nor anyone else. All anyone truly cares about is what it means for them personally… and you're no different. Are you?"

Erwin closed his eyes as well, focusing on the feeling of his heart pumping in his chest, the feeling of his lungs filling with air. It would have been so easy to die with his mother and father and aunt and friends and soldiers… but still he lived. Despite all the pain, all the torment, he lived. He bled, but his wounds scabbed and scarred and healed, your body has been working so hard to keep you alive… If he died now, all that work would have been in vain, all those lives that were snuffed out around him would have died for naught. His would be but another corpse to throw on the pyre…

"No. I'm exactly the same."

"I've answered you, now it's time you answer me. Why do all this?"

Excuse me, sir…

He could feel his missing fingers stretch towards the sky.

"I have a dream. Something to prove. A debt to pay."

"Hmm. Lots of reasons, then."

"No… just the one…"

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Night had fallen by the time they got to Orvud. Returning to Ehrmich had been selfish on Erwin's behalf, but smart overall. The Survey Corps headquarters up north was practically derelict. They'd had to bring their horses and wagons on the ferry, but he'd expected the base to be outfitted with at least basic supplies. No, that was asking for too much, but the Premier had issued an order prior to their arrival that both the Military Police and Garrison were to comply with Commander Smith's orders.

The lieutenants of both branches had looked at him as though he would forcibly recruit them into the Survey Corps at any minute- word of what happened to the Interior MPs and southern Garrison when he was given lead over them finally reached the other side of the Walls, but Erwin had no intention of being weighed down with the least experienced soldiers outside the Training Corps. All he wanted from them was supplies, which they were happy to provide. The Survey Corps might have once again been reduced to a shadow of its former glory, but twenty good Scouts outweighed an entire brigade of MPs.

Erwin rubbed his stump through his coat sleeve as he oversaw the wagons' supplies being strapped down. They were so far north that the stars shone brightly even through the haze of gas street lamps, the cold air making the sky look even clearer. But the cold air also made his stump ache. Back in Ehrmich, he'd stripped down once more and just stood under the hot shower spray until he physically couldn't endure it anymore, even then only decreasing the temperature until it was just cool enough not to blister his skin. He'd been cold and wet for so long that the chill seemed to have worked its way into his bones, and even when he was dry and dressed in several layers under his long green coat, the cold mountain air still made his teeth chatter slightly. Unfortunately, that didn't go unnoticed by his Scouts.

"Commander, maybe you should sit this one out." Marlene, the only captain who survived on Cecile's squad, uneasily clutched the supply checklist in her hands. "Those Interior bastards really did a number on you… We can find Hange and the Lieutenant just fine on our own." He shook his head slightly.

"No, finding them alone isn't enough. There are things I need to tell them in person. Hopefully, Pixis will be back with that information soon."

There may have been things the royal government knew that they were ignorant of, but before they'd parted ways, Zachary had remarked that he had ways of getting information from people. The darkness in his eyes had been the same kind of darkness he'd seen in Gerald Aleister's before his own "interrogation" began, but Erwin pushed it from his mind. He had more important things to worry about. His captain still didn't seem convinced.

"Well, if you have to go, you should at least ride in one of the wagons. We didn't do as good a job on those bandages as Liam and Dru would have…" She was right; Captains Ramirez and Glover were more adept at properly tying off open wounds than the rest of their host, but they'd both been counted amongst the dead left behind in Wall Maria after rescuing Eren. The burns Cass Webber sustained from the Colossal's steam had been so severe, just surviving had been a miracle, but it was unlikely she'd ever regain full use of her hands. A few empty nail beds seemed so minuscule in comparison… Erwin shook his head again.

"They're good enough. I'll be fine to sit a horse. It's entirely possible we'll be going up against other people rather than Titans, now. I'm in part responsible for this shift, so it's only fair that I lead my soldiers into this strange, cruel new world…" Marlene sighed heavily, beginning to roll her eyes before she caught herself.

"Fine. If you're going to be stubborn, Commander, at least let me go look in storage to see if I can't find you a scarf or something. We can't be blamed for-" she gestured to his face "-but if you get sick now, the missus will tan our asses."

" 'Missus'?"

"Your wife. When- when you were brought back to Trost after Eren's rescue, she showed up at base about an hour later. No one had any idea who she was, so we were reluctant to let her in. That was a mistake; she would have broken all of Robert's fingers if Lieutenant Levi hadn't shown up. I do not want that woman to be mad at me." A tiny smile curved his lips.

"I assure you, Thomasin is the kindest, most gentle person you've ever met."

"Heh, yeah; that's what Hange says about their Titans…"

As the captain jogged back inside the base to hunt down warmer clothes, Erwin's mind was left to wander back to Aleister's words during his interrogation. Then how do you explain the three dead soldiers in that bitch's house…? That was a good question. He'd need to get details. The only way he could see was if news of his arrest reached Calaneth before they came. Perhaps she had made tea or food laced with poison and left it out; after all, she was a trained apothecary who'd sold people poison right along with rat poison, and MPs were rude, pushy sons of bitches who acted as though they were entitled to everything. That made the most sense in his mind, but there was still something odd…

You think you can breed an army with your mongrel whore…

And probably that little Ackerman slut, too…

We'll exterminate your half-breed and any spawn you've hidden away…

"Commander Erwin! Commander Pixis has returned!"

"I'm afraid things may end up going from bad to worse, Erwin." Any hint of the jovial, witty man he'd once been was completely absent from Pixis' face. He well and truly looked his age now, as he climbed the steps of the base, his lieutenant trailing a few paces behind. "Every member of the Assembly is saying the same thing. It seems to be just as your late father believed; the Reiss family has the power to alter peoples' memories as it suits them. From what I've been told, aside from those of a few select bloodlines, it seems that everyone else within these walls would be affected." Two realizations hit him at once, a devastating blow from either side.

"So they could still…"

"Indeed. If Lord Reiss gets a hold of Eren's scream, it'll be as if this uprising never happened. Every one of them has been jabbering on and on about how we'll get what's coming to us."

"Right… they have no reason not to admit everything if they're convinced we'll just forget it all anyway… Was Colonel Aleister as forthcoming as the rest of them, I wonder?" Pixis frowned, a confused tilt on his brows.

"Gerald? I don't think Zachary's gotten a hold of him yet. Why?"

"…I think he might have let something slip while he was 'interrogating' me that he may well regret now. There are a few bloodlines that are immune to the effects of this scream, yes? Meaning they can't forget."

"It seems that way. They made it seem as though it was mostly the high noble families living within Mitras who are so lucky." The older man scoffed, utterly disgusted. "Now I suppose we know the true reason for all these Walls; not to keep Titans out, but to keep the bloodlines from mixing. 'Mud-blooded slaves'- that's what Aurille called us… to think, I drank with that man…"

"Yes, it does seem like they're afraid of certain bloodlines mixing…"

"Erwin? What are you plotting now?"

"I'm not plotting, I'm thinking. Do you have paper and pen on you, commander?"

"I do, sir." Anka pulled a small notebook and pen from her breast pocket.

"There are some questions I'd like the Premier to ask Colonel Aleister regarding my wife and one of my soldiers, Mikasa Ackerman, when he gets the chance." Anka nodded, readying her pen to write, but Pixis laid a hand over the page, stopping her.

"You know Zachary is going to torture the answers out of him, don't you?" Erwin stroked his scabbed chin with his bandaged hand.

"And yet, for some reason, I just can't seem to care."

"That's a slippery slope you're standing on. One minute, you simply don't care about the suffering of others, and the next, you're crafting torture devices in your spare time." He heaved a heavy sigh. "I'll never understand that man… to think he would dedicate so much of his life to such a morbid goal… 'Art' my ass…" Erwin blinked, taken aback. For as disgusted as Pixis sounded, he didn't sound surprised in the slightest.

"So, you knew…?"

"Hmm? Oh, a slip of the tongue. I only had suspicions of the exact nature of his ambitions, but I always knew they were perverse. You didn't know the man as long as I did; you didn't see the loathing growing in his eyes over the years of dealing with the Assembly. Sadly, I knew exactly who I was throwing my lot in with; unlike you, I'm not a betting man. Also unlike you, I'm willing to die if it means protecting humanity."

No one is that self serving… It's disingenuous…

It does start coming across as disingenuous after a while, doesn't it…?

After everything he had endured- the losses, the fear, the uncertainty, the pain- it was the condescension in Pixis' voice that finally broke Erwin's silence. The words had left his lips before he even realized what he was saying.

"…'protecting humanity', barring the countless innocents who were murdered by the men you've been jumping through hoops to defend, you mean. Powerful words from a man who doesn't fight on the front lines, who has never suffered a single loss or bled a single drop, who uses the culling of refugees sanctioned by the men he was perfectly content to stand behind to guilt his soldiers into adding their own names to the list of the dead while he drinks himself into a stupor safe up on the Walls. To think, I once defended the Assembly's decision to honor you rather than any of the hundreds of soldiers who actually contributed to the stand against the Titans…

You have done nothing to protect humanity. Prove that you're willing to me in doing anything alongsidethe people actually risking their lives and perhaps your opinion of me will begin to matter." His words hung heavy in the air, the silence that followed deafening. Pixis' eyes widened for a fraction of a second, making it clear that he hadn't expected Erwin to talk back, let alone offer up such a scathing critique. He collected himself immediately, but there was still a stiffness to his face.

"Heh… our revolution just took place, and listen to how we talk about our comrades…"

"Yes. Honestly. For the past hundred and seven years, everything within the Walls has been based on lies, a false peace built on fear and blood. That holds true for us as much as it does for everyone else." Pixis sighed deeply as several Scouts approached them.

"I once heard a song about how one day, humanity would know peace. When will that day come…?"

"Commander! The wagons are ready! All troops are standing by, sir. We await your orders!" He afforded a glance back at Pixis.

"Until the population falls to one or less, someone's going to want someone else dead." The older man barked out a wry laugh.

"Well, shit. And here I was hoping you'd have a slightly more optimistic take…" It was difficult to be optimistic when the true nature of humanity had been so efficiently beaten into him. Humans were cruel and selfish and self-serving. Monsters reigned, and the innocent were punished simply for existing. As Erwin threw a cloak over his coat, he suddenly remembered something. A clear, starry night, just like this one. Sat up on the roof of the Trost base, Thomasin tapping his nose…

For someone so smart, who's seen so many things… you're really stupid… the innocent kind of stupid…

For the first time, he felt like he understood why she said things like that. He really had been so stupid, so naive, blindly floating through a charmed life. By the time he pulled himself into his saddle, the white bandages wrapped around his fingers had already begun bleeding through red.

"All Scouts! Our mission is to recover Eren and Historia!" His voice wasn't nearly as commanding as it once had been, a hoarse, ragged shadow of its former glory. "We believe their location to be the chapel on the Reiss family estate. If our intel is correct, we may come across members of the First Interior Squad's Anti-Personnel Unit. These people are armed, dangerous, and trained to kill, so be on your guard and do not hesitate!"

"Sir! Yes, sir!" As they set out into the darkness, another part of that old conversation echoed in his ears.

Never change, Erwin…

Please always be as stupid and innocent and earnest as you are…

Sadly, he didn't think that was possible anymore. Maybe he would always be stupid, rushing to jump into a Titan's mouth, but he doubted she would still see the innocence she spoke of in his eyes when they next met. If they next met.

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A/N- Pixis, Ch. 63- "Unlike you, I'm not a betting man. And also unlike you, I care more about the number of surviving humans than my own life."

Oh, really? You're gonna make a claim like that with your whole-ass chest after explicitly saying that the government that tortures and murders innocent people with their secret police should be allowed to continue doing that because they might have useful information that they've made obvious they're not willing to use to help anyone? How does that thought process work? "Yeah, sure, anyone who commits the crime of wrongthink is probably going to be murdered, but what other option do we have? Risk people killing each other- other than the sex traffickers and serial killers, and the people the government pays to do exactly that? That's madness! So what if society stagnates and we're left with a few dozen orphans, and there's no work and high taxes and we eventually run out of arable land because we're constantly pushed into an ever-decreasing territory that can't sustain even half of our former population- the current system is what's best for humanity! The fact that there are no riots proves that, and probably has nothing to do with the secret police who torture and kill dissenters."

I am legitimately offended that this old, drunk asshole who has never done a single thing is constantly being touted by the narrative as a "great man" (seriously, fuck you, Armin- how DARE you compare him to Ian Dietrich). It's not even a case of "show, don't tell"- we're never even told that he's done anything worthy of that sash and all those bars he wears. Literally what could Pixis have done that no other character did to deserve honors and his undeserved sense of moral superiority? Killing Titans? Everyone does that. Fighting on the front lines? Everyone does that. Ordering other people to die? Erwin does that all the time, while being on the front lines and risking his life with them- where's his sash?!

Ugh. Rant over. If you've made it through that, I just want to reiterate how thankful I am to all my beautiful readers, especially you, Musical Bear- your comments are a highlight of my week (also, your "hot take" that Erwin should have been given the serum is, at least in the circles of the fandom I've seen, the coldest take there is, lol. "Holy crap, the literal child who freezes up in dire situations is worthless at politics! What a shocking twist! Whoever could have anticipated such a thing?! Oh, if only there was a character who was a charismatic leader, maybe an adult with at least a decade of military field experience...")