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Ch.45- "Revelations"
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With the blood having all evaporated and most of the steam and smoke clearing away as what remained of His Majesty crumbled, the fissures left within the Wall could be clearly seen. There didn't seem to be any structural issues at the moment, but they immediately ordered the Garrison to do their intended job and begin sealing the cracks. They hadn't believed it at first, or rather they didn't want to believe it when they were told there were Titans nearly as big as the Colossal hiding just behind that "stone", but they were convinced when Erwin quickly washed his hands of them. If they wished for the destruction of the district the Survey Corps had just saved because they were too lazy to do the one thing the Garrison had been created to do, that was fine by him. He was beyond caring anymore…
"Wow," Levi drawled, glancing up at the sputtering Garrison lieutenant. "I've only seen Erwin lose his temper like this once before, and that was with me. You've managed to piss him off twice in a single day- you must be the most annoying human being in the world…" Lieutenant Reyne sputtered.
"Gih… Fine, let's say there are Titans in the Walls- how are we supposed to deal with that!? If they see us, won't they break free to try and eat us!?"
"They shouldn't." Hange had long since stopped crying, but they still sniffled incessantly, their nose red from wiping it so often. "Titans go dormant without exposure to sunlight- which is why you need to get your asses moving and start sealing up those cracks before noon. You're safe for now…" They trailed off as their train of thought shifted to something else. "It's strange, though. These Titans must have been sealed into the Walls when they were first constructed, over a century ago… If they truly gained sustenance from sunlight, you'd think they would have died decades ago, especially considering how big they are…" As they drifted off into their own world of hypotheses, Levi walked up to Erwin, lowering his voice so as to not be heard by the Garrison soldiers finally setting off to maintain the Wall.
"There's something I need to see about back by the Reiss chapel."
"Something like what?"
"A particularly nasty piece of shit I dropped back there. Wouldn't want it contaminating the groundwater." Anything that could hold Levi's attention had to be important, but as tempted as he was to demand to know exactly what he was planning on doing, Erwin remembered his fury during their carriage ride into Stohess.
If you ever do that again, I will cut your tongue out…
If it had anything to do with the Survey Corps, Levi would tell him without prompting. He had no business delving into the man's personal life.
"The area hasn't been secured. Perhaps you should bring backup." Levi scoffed, but to his surprise, didn't argue.
"Fine. I'll bring 'backup', and you can take your ass back to base with my squad. They'll be your backup in case any rogue MPs come after you for round two…"
He'd been too tired to argue, and judging by the dark bags under the recruits' eyes, they were nearly as exhausted as he was. The tiny band of Scouts that were all that remained of the Survey Corps were worn thin and run ragged, just as they had been five years ago. Even those that had just been sitting in jail cells this last week looked uniquely miserable. The ferry was quiet as they rode back, save for the groaning of the ship and the lapping of waves.
Normally, Erwin preferred to stand on the deck- the glittering river and rolling fields drifting by helped calm his usually ceaseless thoughts, but he couldn't bear the thought of being out there with so many other people right now. If they were normal people, nameless, faceless villagers and merchants he'd never see again once they disembarked, he wouldn't have minded. They would give him a strange look or two, but then they'd go back to thinking about their own problems. He was as unimportant to them as they were to him.
Today, right now… almost everyone on that deck was a Scout. These were all people he knew, people who knew him, who depended on him, who put their lives in his hands… They had already seen the pathetic state he was in, had already seen his empty nail beds and the gaps in his mouth where Gerald Aleister kicked his teeth out… they already heard him lose his patience, his temper… but even knowing that, he couldn't bear to feel their eyes on him any longer.
He went inside the cabin, into the furthest corner where as little light as possible could reach him, and laid down, pulling his cloak over his face. When someone nudged his shoulder only a few seconds later, he nearly strangled them before realizing it was Hange. They'd clumsily folded their jacket as best they could with one arm and, without a word, slipped it under his head. He should have thanked them, but honestly, he was just so tired of talking. He was so tired of everything. He just wanted to sleep for a while. He was eventually granted his sleep, but it was far from restful.
~o0o~
Traveling all the way from Orvud down to the southernmost section of what was left of humanity's territory took so long that the misty morning sky had been painted all orange and violet by the setting sun when the ferry finally docked in Trost. Erwin had been so out of it that, when Hange finally succeeded in nudging him awake, he took one look around the darkened cabin and assumed it was the ungodly hours of the morning.
"As much as I hate to wake you when you have that angelic look on your face, we gotta get back to base, Erwin."
"Wha… what time is it…?"
"Six. At night."
"I slept for a whole day?!"
"What? No. C'mon, get up…" Wrapping their hand around his forearm, Hange heaved him to his feet, bending to retrieve their jacket and shake the dust from it. "You've been asleep for just under six hours, if you wanna call it 'sleeping'…" That was it? It felt like he'd been out of it for a day at least.
Limping, half stumbling after Hange, he raised a hand to shield his eyes as he stepped onto the ferry's dock. It was growing darker, but the sun was currently at that particular angle in its descent that made everything seem inordinately bright. At first, Erwin assumed that he was seeing things as a result, but even when his eyes began adjusting and he could lower his hand, he still spotted it. The Scouts staring at him, most covertly though some barely hid it, and the moment his eyes wandered in their direction, they looked away so quickly it was more telling than their open gawking.
"Why are they staring at me?" he asked Hange in a low voice, not certain he actually wanted to know the answer. His section commander dropped their gaze, plucking at the sling draped over their chest as they pieced together an answer for him.
"Well… y'know how some people talk in their sleep?"
"Was I sleep talking?" Oh god, no- what had he said? It couldn't have been anything good, given the uncomfortable, bordering pitying looks that quickly turned away from him. Maybe he'd been begging the assailant that haunted his memories for mercy, or crying out for his father… Hange grimaced.
"Yeah, but, uh… that's not the issue. You, um… started screaming. Really loud." The discomfort plain on their face took on a different tone, no longer expressing second-hand embarrassment, but concern… fear. "I ran into the cabin and you were sitting up and your eyes were wide open- I thought you were awake, but as soon as I asked you what was wrong, you just sorta flopped back down and started snoring. The nerve of you, making me worry for nothing…" They tried to laugh, to smile, but they couldn't quite manage it. Hange helped him down the ramp, their left arm around his back as he shuffled back onto terra firma. Even when the cobblestones were back beneath his feet, they didn't let go.
"What did they do to you, Erwin?" they asked in a low whisper, looking up at him but unable to meet his eyes, their gaze darting across the collage of bruises and cuts that adorned his face. "I've never heard you scream like that even after our worst expeditions… What could they have done that was worse than the Titans?"
"The same thing that they did to countless others, Hange. The only reason these Walls don't echo with screams day and night is because those countless others are all dead."
They hired a small fleet of carriages to take them across the district, back to their base. Hange insisted he go to a hospital, but he'd survived all this time; he could make it twelve more hours. It wasn't just the exhaustion that led Erwin back to his quarters upstairs. He didn't want to look at anyone. He didn't want anyone looking at him. He'd pulled the hood of his cloak as far down over his face as it would go, and once in the carriage, had shut the curtains.
The tiny, dark box had been stifling, but he'd rather struggle to breathe the thick, humid air rather than look upon any of the curious faces beginning to peer out from their windows and doors. Hange said they were eager to watch the heroes of humanity make their triumphant return, praising the people for their pivotal role in uncovering the truth. Erwin didn't expect this to last; he'd give them six months tops before they were once again grumbling that the Survey Corps was a cult of lazy, power-hungry leeches. People were fickle and only cared about things inasmuch as those things benefited them. He was no different, of course.
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They were still rebuilding the Trost Garrison hospital, and while nurses and doctors had come from other regions after the invasion and the impromptu trek into Maria territory, without a large-scale disaster needing their immediate attention, they opted to return to their hospitals. Hange's absolute insistence was what sent Erwin up north to a hospital in Ehrmich. As far as he was concerned, he was fine. The sharp cramping in his stump had been building up through the night and he'd spent almost an hour curled up in bed, teeth clenched as he waited for it to go away, but that wasn't something a doctor could help him with.
For the most part, the physician who inspected him, a Dr. Saint, agreed with his assessment. He didn't have any broken bones, not even his nose, though they did give him two stitches for his split lips. The issue arose as the doctor cleaned and treated his empty nail beds. The line they kept feeding the public to assure them this was not a hostile takeover was that the new regime would be transparent and no longer operate from within the shadows. As such, there was no expectation that he not disclose what happened, and at the doctor's request, Erwin explained everything, from the torture itself to the squalid conditions he'd been kept in. He remembered the doctor's tight jaw, the way his eyes grew darker with every word he spoke…
"Is it that bad?" The older man blinked, startled from his thoughts.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I apologize, doctor- I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Dr. Saint smiled at him, the lines around his lips carved deeper as he pressed a pad of gauze soaked with a strong-smelling ointment against the tip of Erwin's middle finger and began bandaging it. He'd already done the same for his toes.
"No, Commander, I assure you, I have seen far too many things in my years of practice to be made uncomfortable by something so tame. The things people do to each other is as horrible as it is banal. I do worry, however. Losing a nail is an easy way to get an infection- it often occurs with carpenters- and you say you were kept in those unsanitary conditions for three days?"
"Four. But I'm fine. If I were going to get sick, I would have already." Cutting and tying off the bandage, the doctor sighed, moving onto his ring finger.
"That's not necessarily true, especially in the case of infections. It can take days for them to fester, and once they do, well… That's why you need to be careful with those fingers and toes, Commander. If you develop a fever or your dressings start smelling off, you need to come back for treatment immediately- we don't want you losing any more body parts. I suggest you take a week or two off work to convalesce to err on the side of caution. Just because we can't see that anything is wrong with you doesn't mean you're well." Erwin shook his head.
"I'm afraid I can't do that. I have far too much work that requires my attention." The doctor fixed him with a stern look that would have been more suitable directed at a small, misbehaving child than a military commander.
"Blood poisoning does not care what requires your attention, Commander Erwin. You only have one body, one life; you should cherish it. I have lost track of how many men I've seen who've worked themselves into an early grave, and I assure you that as they lay on their deathbeds, they were not concerned with how much work they left undone." That sounded like something Thomasin would say, but with none of her gentility, her quiet disappointment. Perhaps that was why his response came out so curt.
"Perhaps if their work related to the fight for humanity's continued existence rather than the struggle to keep their own pockets lined, they would worry about leaving it undone. I do only have the one life- one life with which to ensure humanity does not fall." The doctor stared at him for a long time before speaking.
"You're a very earnest man, Commander. I assume it's a sense of moral obligation and not pride that leads you to believe the whole of humanity rests on your shoulders alone. Regardless of why, if you truly believe you are our sole protector, that's all the more reason for you to take better care of yourself. After all, what will humanity do if you find yourself bedridden and dying?" He began bandaging the final finger. "A week's bed rest, commander. The world will not end in so short a time frame…"
Leaning heavily on the ferry's railing as the massive rollers ground to life, pulling the boat south, Erwin stared at his remaining hand. A medical professional was far more adept at tying bandages than soldiers whose only training was a few courses taught by uninterested nurses.
The Survey Corps didn't even have dedicated medics on staff anymore. That was amongst the first thing he needed to sort out, and now that the Corps' name was cleared and bolstered following the Orvud mission, he was hoping someone with actual experience might be willing to fill the roles left behind. There were many roles left behind, and he would have to restructure and retool the entire fabric of the Survey Corps in order to mould it into something resembling a military branch again…
Bed rest, the doctor said. He could spit on that. Being unable to react to threats the moment they arose almost led to him losing everything. He'd set humanity down a new, dangerous path, and he'd be damned if he'd get caught unawares. That was probably why the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end the moment he heard the deck creaking behind him. Even though his eyes registered Levi approaching him, the tension didn't leave his shoulders until his lieutenant leaned against the railing beside him and spoke.
"Did anyone tell you anything about what happened under the Reiss chapel?"
"No. I'm afraid I've mostly been sleeping since we left Orvud."
"So you're telling me I actually get to give good news for once? Pinch me, I'm dreaming." Erwin frowned slightly at those words. He wasn't entirely sure what "good news" meant to Levi, but given that the shorter man looked just as tired and miserable as he felt, he had to wonder how "good" this news actually was.
"Are you… are you being sarcastic, or do you actually have good news? Because if it's the former… please don't. Please wait until we get back to base to tell me whatever horrible thing is happening now." Levi's brows drew together. For a moment, he looked almost troubled, but his expression quickly evened itself out.
"No, I'm being sincere for once. It is good news. Well, good news and yet-to-be-sorted news. Let's start with the good. Remember how Eren's hardening wasn't progressing very fast?" How could he forget- it was the one thing Hange couldn't hide their frustration over. Erwin personally hadn't felt much for it one way or the other- after all, they hadn't brought Eren on as a Scout thinking this was an ability he had. Levi continued. "Well, it turns out life and death situations are a really good motivator. When Reiss turned, he triggered a cave-in. Eren transformed, and I figured he was just going to make some kind of bone cage like what the Garrison said he did since that shit holds up to artillery fire pretty well, but instead he ended up making some kind of shell." Cerulean eyes widened, and Erwin turned his attention away from the rolling fields and focused directly on the man beside him.
"So he is capable of hardening?" Levi made a face and gave a half shrug.
"Kind of? It's nothing close to what's encasing Annie, and I don't think it's even as strong as the Armored Titan's. Since I was already in the area, I went back to check it out. Parts of it were destroyed by the falling pillars- speaking of which, you're gonna wanna see that shit up close- but it's still mostly intact. I'm no science freak like Hange, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's the same kind of hardening as the Walls themselves, but weaker. Probably because it's hollow. Still…" He glanced up at Erwin. "If this wasn't a fluke and Eren can be trained to do this on command, we can probably seal up Wall Maria in two or three days, tops."
That… that was good news. Even without the Assembly standing in their way at every turn, the mission to retake Wall Maria would have taken several days at best, assuming there was actually rubble large enough to serve as a decent starting point to block up the holes. Of course, it was possible that hardening was something that could only be triggered when the person in question was facing a life-threatening situation, but the knowledge that it could be done was a heartening one. Sighing quietly, Erwin turned his attention back to the fields. What seemed like such a vast, nearly endless expanse of land was, in reality, barely enough to sustain their current population.
Mike had mentioned, years ago, that the resources within the Walls were bound to run out eventually. That was what drove him to become a Scout, and Lisa had had similar reasons. The world beyond Wall Maria must have seemed like an untapped well of resources and land gated off only by Titans and humanity's fear of the unknown back then. He wondered how they would have reacted if he'd told them he believed there were other humans beyond their Walls all those years ago… They would have thought he was crazy, just like Nile and Thomasin… and now, now that the proof was falling into his lap, he couldn't even gloat. He couldn't even feel satisfied.
"Oi, oi, oi…" Levi peered up at him, something almost akin to disappointment playing around the faint lines etched around his lips. "I wasn't expecting you to start jumping for joy or anything, but I figured that'd at least earn a smile or some shit, goddamn…"
"I'm sorry, Levi. This is exceptionally good news. I expect Hange will be over the moon when you tell them." A wry smile tugged at his lips, the stitches there pulling uncomfortably. "Is it cruel of me to think it's about time Eren demonstrated something worthy of all the trouble he's put us through? I know it's not entirely his fault, and I'd hardly blame him for it, but the fact remains that these are all issues that wouldn't have arisen if not for him."
"Is it cruel? Yeah. Are you wrong? No. Granted, if Eren wasn't a Titan he'd be dead a hundred times over by now and we'd be dealing with that skinless bitch and her two bozos tearing through the gates, but we'd also have a few hundred more veteran Scouts alive to deal with these issues. And I mean, hell- if they got to Mitras and confronted the government, all they'd find is a pretender to the throne. Clearly those shitty brats didn't know who was actually controlling the Titans, otherwise they'd have gone for Historia since she was right there." Levi frowned suddenly, lowering his voice until it sounded like he was simply thinking aloud. "But then, how the fuck did Grisha Yaeger learn who the true royal family was…?"
…that was a good question. As they rode back to Orvud the other day, Levi had given Erwin a very watered down version of all they'd learned from His Majesty Rod Reiss. The suspicious destruction of the Reiss chapel had been caused by a Titan- by the Titan belonging to Grisha Yaeger, in fact. He devoured the true ruler of the Walls, Queen Frieda, stealing her power and wiping out the Reiss family line… save the portly, elderly Rod who, through some very suspicious miracle, managed to evade a fifteen-meter Titan with the intelligence of a human. Grisha then turned Eren into a mindless Titan and allowed his son to devour him, thus passing on the power to control Titans to his son… as well as the power to control humans. He… he had to have known what the royal family was capable of, that a single wrong move could result in all his memories being erased, as well as everyone else within the Walls- no… not everyone. Not certain people.
High ranking nobles within Mitras.
Your mongrel whore…
That little Ackerman slut, too…
"Levi… do you know what a 'race' is?" The shorter man frowned slightly.
"Yeah, it's… people like Mikasa and the gimp, right? People who look different? I saw a couple of them when I was a kid in the Underground. …the guy I lived with back then said to stay away from them- said standing out gets you in trouble."
"The royal bloodline can erase all our memories with a scream… ours, but not theirs. Different bloodlines, different races, are immune to that scream."
"How do you know that?"
We'll exterminate your half-breed and any spawn you've hidden away…
"Gerald Aleister let something slip while I was incarcerated. Of all the things I've been embroiled in to get upset over, he chose something very telling; my Moorish wife, and my Oriental soldier. He was very upset at the thought of me having children with either of them." Levi's mouth twisted in abject disgust.
"Mikasa is a child."
"I know. But she's also a different race, meaning at least one of her parents was as well. And I think Grisha Yaeger knew that. When Thomasin worked as an apothecary in Shiganshina, she told me that Dr. Yaeger was making house calls to a pregnant woman in the mountains. At the time, I assumed she must have been wealthy or a friend of the doctor's, but Thomasin made it clear that wasn't the case. And when her family was killed by sex traffickers, rather than look for next of kin or leave her in an orphanage, Grisha adopted Mikasa himself. He was keeping in contact with three of the only people outside Mitras who would be completely immune to any attempts by the royal family to alter our memories."
"Four."
"Huh?" He almost didn't hear Levi, his voice was so low. The shorter man had turned his attention from Erwin, who'd held it undividedly all this time, to the churning water below them.
"Mikasa's last name is 'Ackerman'- that's probably her dad's name. Her mom's an Oriental, her dad's an Ackerman, she's both, and the gimp's… whatever she is. That's four people who were immune to the king."
"Levi… how do you know that about the Ackermans?" He gave no answer. "Are they a noble family from the Interior?" Silence. "Levi-"
"Where is the gimp, anyway? I know Hange sent her back to Calaneth, but she had to have heard about all the shit that went down by now. I'm surprised she didn't march into the Chancellery and break you out herself." He glanced askance at the taller man. "And why did you ask if I stopped by Calaneth on the way north? Why would you think I'd go there?"
"I didn't think that; Aleister did."
"…why would he think that?" Erwin's chest and stomach were still badly bruised, and when he inhaled deeply, they ached.
"I suppose because it doesn't seem very likely that a nurse could kill three Interior MPs…" Levi held his gaze for a second longer before looking back down at the water.
"…huh."
"You don't seem very surprised."
"Why should I be? They didn't send Anti-Personnel soldiers after her; all those fuckers came with Kenny to deal with me. They probably sent three pieces of shit like Sannes- weak, pathetic cowards who can only act tough around people who can't fight back. The gimp was a Scout; if she can deal with Titans, she can deal with a couple out of shape fucksticks who probably thought they could have some fun and get their limp little dicks wet. Good riddance- the world has enough monsters with Titans; we don't need humans adding to this Hell on earth." The vitriol in his voice was stronger, harsher than what he usually used to talk about MPs, more scathing than that he held for Titans, even. Perhaps the Interior MP they'd tortured had confessed something beyond the identity of the true royal family that led to this burning disdain. It was hard to blame him for his loathing, all things considered. "You didn't answer my question, though."
"Excuse me?"
"The gimp's a killer. Great. Where is she? You don't expect me to believe she killed three men then just went back to work." Erwin's hand flexed on the ship's railing as he forced his nervous fingers not to grip into the wood. He wasn't supposed to put excessive pressure on his nails while they were healing.
"I don't know. The MPs haven't found her yet, which is uncontestably a good thing, but… I have no idea where she is. …I've been telling myself she's fine, because there simply hasn't been time to allow myself to think otherwise, but… what if she's not-"
"She is." Levi's voice was firm, allowing for no dissenting opinions. "When has the gimp ever not been fine? I wouldn't be surprised if she was already waiting in Trost for you, waiting to get the names of the pieces of shit who hurt you. Hange just puts their nails on a plate. She'll probably make 'em into a necklace or some shit; she's got that 'feminine touch'." He was joking, clearly. Erwin wanted to laugh, to feel something other than dread and less intense dread again, but given the dark depths so many people had proven themselves capable of in the last week, it was difficult to find the humor in even such an absurd idea.
~o0o~
Thomasin hadn't been waiting for him at the base in Trost, but several letters were. The only one that did anything to relieve the tension building in his skull was from Nile, a thick envelope that contained one short note, and one framed drawing of a woman stretching in a shirt far too large for her. He was going to try and find where Thomasin had gone, personally.
There would be nothing official, seeing as Zachary scrubbed the record- and a good thing too, because the details listed by the MPs that had gone to check on their MIA comrades were nothing short of horrifying- so this wasn't being treated as a warrant or even a missing persons' case, anything that could arouse further suspicion. Nile was just doing this on his own, as a favor. That was kind of him, and Erwin allowed himself to relax just a touch as he read through another letter from the Premier himself. He'd "asked" Gerald the questions Erwin requested, even gone to some of the other members of the Assembly to see what they would and wouldn't back up, and between his stubbornness and his condition towards the end of the "interrogation", the colonel hadn't said much, but he had confirmed some things. Perhaps. It was difficult to parse fact from bigoted zealotry that became fact in some peoples' minds.
The Titan passed through the royal bloodline, as far back as their history noted and possibly even further, at the very least all the way back to Fritz the Good. The first Titan. The Progenitor, they called it. The Titan from which all Titans came, if one believed the scripture (and it certainly seemed like Pastor Roderich did, since most of his corroboration was simply weeping and appeals to God). It was, for all intents and purposes, a god- and its creations, repugnant monstrosities. It exerted control over all Titans, and that control extended to humans because humans and Titans were one and the same…
Some humans.
The slaves, those repugnant aberrations good for nothing more than cleaning out latrines and carting off diseased corpses. They were filth and the taint of sin given human form, and anything they bred with was corrupted, the resulting offspring yet more filth…
Almost anything.
Some of those pure-blooded residents of Mitras revealed themselves to be race traitors, and rather than accept an honorable death, they scurried off to all the hidden corners within the Walls and bred like the rats they were. But the only reason such cowards would willingly hide themselves amongst the diseased populace was because they knew there was no chance that they'd be infected.
The royal family can control Titans with a scream.
The royal family can alter the minds of humans who become Titans with a scream.
There are people who, biologically, can never become Titans, despite being born to a parent who can… and they- as well as their children, and their children's' children; their entire bloodline- are completely immune to the royal family's power, their control.
You think you can breed an army with your mongrel whore, and probably that little Ackerman slut too…
And Grisha Yaeger knew about them.
Erwin inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. He reminded himself that all of this information needed to be taken with a massive grain of salt; he had… an idea of what Zachary was doing to get these confessions, and it was entirely possible the former members of the Assembly were just saying whatever they thought would make the pain stop. Aleister had been a soldier once, so it was possible he had a slightly higher tolerance than the others, but it was also possible that everything he said was just in hopes of placating Erwin so he wouldn't decide to repay the horrors that had been visited upon him. He wouldn't, of course. He was too busy for such pettiness (though it would have been an absolute lie to say the thought of Aleister being tied to a chair and left to piss himself didn't bring him a not inconsiderable amount of satisfaction).
For now, this was all just hearsay, and while Pixis had been correct in his assessment that the people at the top undoubtedly knew more about this world than they did, just as there was no guarantee that they would use that knowledge to help anyone but themselves, so too was there no guarantee that they would be honest about any of it. They would need more corroboration, more evidence… more proof.
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For as much as needed to be done, there was precious little Erwin could actually do at the moment. That feeling of helplessness, of impotence… it was never a pleasant one. In some ways, it was very similar to being chained in a dark, damp cell, unable to move, unable to even judge the flow of time… Being unable to do anything meant having no control. So he found something to do, even if it was just a small, inconsequential thing in the grand scheme, some tiny measure of control he could wrest back from the universe. Paperwork. There was always paperwork.
He was so engrossed in checking the seizure records against their current inventory that he almost didn't hear the knock until it came again, louder and more insistent this time.
"Erwin." He could have ignored that second round of knocks, but not the voice accompanying them.
"Nile? Give me a second." He was already on his feet, crossing the room. Even with the door unlocked, he did not pull it open just yet. Nile's voice was unmistakable, but… no, that was foolish. The Anti-Personnel squad had been killed in the cave in under the Reiss chapel, and the Interior MPs were under the Chancellery, awaiting their court dates. There wouldn't be anyone with him.
Opening the door finally, he barely processed the figure standing to the side of the other commander, only the movement coming towards him triggering some animal instinct in the back of his brain. His arm came up of its own accord- both of them, really, but only one made contact- striking them in the jaw and earning a cry of pain as the hooded figure raised their hands to their face, their fingers darker than the tan of the standard military uniform jacket.
"Augh, fucker! You punched me in the mouth!"
"T-Thomasin…?" Nile gaped at him, shock and anger pinching his features.
"Wait, would you have punched me in the face if I approached you?!"
"I wasn't trying to- it was an accident! I thought you were trying to attack me."
After all, the only times in the last two weeks anyone had lunged at him like that was to strike a blow. The greenish yellow bruises were only just beginning to fade away. Erwin bent slightly, reaching up and gingerly pulling back the green hood. Thomasin turned to face him, the hurt annoyance in her eyes melting away the moment they landed on his face. He could see that dark gaze darting here and there, taking in the stitches on his lips, the discoloration around his eyes, his still swollen nose, and with every injury she noticed, her breathing grew more and more ragged. As she moved her hands, he could see that her own bottom lip was beginning to swell but she paid it no mind, ghosting her fingertips along the high curve of his cheek.
"Who did this to you…?"
"It's not important." His arm snaked around her waist and he drew her into a hug. The feeling of her body, warm and solid, pressed against his was like a key, unlocking the chains wrapped around his chest and allowing him to breathe just a bit easier.
He could have- and would have- stayed like that for hours, happily, but content as his heart may have been, his mind was itching with questions. Erwin drew her inside the office, nodding at Nile to follow them. With the door closed behind him, the actually took in Thomasin's appearance. He'd assumed the cloak she wore belonged to Nile, that he had perhaps given it to her so as to avoid stares, but he quickly realized that wasn't the case. Reaching out, he undid the clasp holding the thick green wool closed and pulled it off her shoulders, inhaling slowly and deeply.
"…where did you get this ODM gear from…?" He half expected her not to tell him, but to his surprise, she answered readily.
"The Garrison watch house beside the Rose gate of Calaneth." She began dismantling the system of motors and pulleys attached to her hips, handing it to Nile. "You can take this shit back. Enter it into evidence or whatever."
"I told you, there's no case. There won't be any charges against you."
"Right, because MPs are known for telling the truth…" Nile glowered at.
"I'm tell the truth."Erwin didn't bother asking after the far too-large uniform she was wearing. The green and silver unicorn on the right breast pocket had been left intact along with the name above it, "M. Klaus", although both the shirt and pants were so beaten in with dust and grime that they looked more grayish brown than the white they must have once been. Taking the clothes off a dead MP barely even registered in his mind as something to get upset over.
"Where have you been?" Thomasin tore her attention away from the other man in the room to look back at him, her entire demeanor changing the moment she heard his voice, her own losing its standoffish edge as her very posture seemed to soften in response to his concern.
"Laying low. Someplace safe, someplace I knew no lazy MPs were going to come looking for me." That could have been literally anywhere- that could have been two houses away. He turned his attention to Nile instead, hoping he would be more forthcoming.
"Where did you find her?" The dark-haired man gave a scoffing laugh as he set the ODM equipment on the leather couch.
"I didn't. She found me. I've been going through Calaneth with a fine-tooth comb for the past two days looking for a lead, and found nothing. I went back to the address you gave me, and the next thing I know, she's there waiting for me." He wasn't acting like his usual flippant self, and there was an odd edge to his exasperation. Erwin's sharp eyes a strange pink stain on his old friend's neck. Lipstick? No, not carmine- a rusty, flaky red, wiped away but not well enough. A faint red line barely noticeable amidst the stubble there, too long, too straight to be a result of slipping while shaving. Nile seemed to realize where he was looking, and gave a small but very insistent shake of his head.
"…well, thank you for bringing her here. I owe you one, Nile."
"I don't want to see or hear from you again until the Queen's coronation. If you can go two weeks without bringing about another calamity, we'll call it even." Erwin affected a pout.
"But I was planning to unleash a swarm of locusts next Wednesday. I already have them in crates and everything." Nile's nostrils flared as he stepped forward, jabbing a finger right into the other commander's sternum.
"Don't you joke about that, Smith. Don't you fucking dare, you bitch. If anything bad happens in the next two weeks, it will be your fault. If there's an earthquake, it will be your fault. If it hails, it will be your fault. If I stub my toe, I will come and kill you in your fucking sleep." Turning on his heel, he stacked up the ODM gear, balancing it on one arm to open the door back. He paused, leveling a sharp glare at the pair. "Do humanity a favor and lock yourselves in this room." He pulled the door behind him with his foot, but couldn't close it all the way.
Erwin pushed it until it clicked, his hand remaining against the wood for a moment. Truth be told, he would love to stay in his quarters for the next two weeks. A bastion where he was in control, where he could lock out the outside and close his eyes and ears to anything that could go wrong and just rest. Exhaling deeply, he pulled his hand back and turned around.
It had barely been two weeks since he'd last seen her, but looking at Thomasin fidgeting with the sleeves of her stolen uniform, it suddenly felt like the year that had passed after the fall of Wall Maria. Her hair was frizzy where it wasn't matted by her neck. There were patches on her face where the skin was peeling, raw and pink underneath. Sunburn, he realized belatedly. Approaching, he reached out, his knuckle brushing against her jaw, the only part of her face that didn't look painful.
"Where were you?" he asked quietly. Her lips quirked into the smallest of smiles, and even that looked painful when they were cracked to the point of bleeding.
"You can't guess?"
"I could, but I feel like I'd be wrong."
"I've been camping out on top of Wall Rose for the last week." His eyes widened. He thought maybe she'd escaped into the vast expanse of wilderness between the Walls, that she'd been hiding in abandoned, dilapidated shacks the way Levi and his squad had, but…
"The Wall? Why?"
"Because who'd look on top of the Wall for a soldier, much less a civilian?" Turning away from him, Thomasin dragged herself over to the couch and collapsed heavily atop it, slouching into the cushions. "I was about… a quarter kilometer northeast of Calaneth? There weren't even any tracks that far, so I know no Garrisons were going to come around for patrols. Thankfully, they're pretty lax out east and they just leave their shit lying around."
"You were on top of the Wall for a week…"
"Yeah." She shrugged. "I mean, I spent most of that time sleeping because it was either too hot or too cold, but it wasn't that bad. I've lived through worse. I was more worried about my chic- Gih!" She jumped as Erwin dropped to his knees before her.
"This is my fault."
"What?"
"This is all my fault. I'm supposed to protect you, and I can't even keep you from getting sucked into my messes, much less keep you safe. All I've ever done is put you in danger…! You wouldn't have joined the Survey Corps if it weren't for me; you'd still have your leg. You'd have been living in Quinta when Wall Maria fell; you wouldn't have ended up in that wretched camp up north, you wouldn't have been a part of the culling…" His throat tightened and he bowed his head until it rested against her knees, unable to bear looking at her any longer.
"You'd be so much better off if we'd never met…" Hands, unusually cold but gentle as ever, lightly lifted his head. They were rough, covered in scraps and scabs and cuts, but she paid her own pain no mind, focused solely on him.
"Don't say that, Erwin. Never say that. If you never believe anything else I say, believe this- no matter what horrible shit might happen… meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me." Her dark gaze softened and she moved her hands to his shoulders, pulling him up. "Come'ere…" Hating himself for being so weak and pathetic, he climbed onto the couch beside her, laying his head on her lap, his arm wrapping around her waist. He didn't care that her clothes were filthy, and were absolutely taken off a man she most likely killed- all that mattered was that she was warm and solid beneath him, a rock amidst the most turbulent waves.
"You know I love you, don't you?" He remained silent. "Loving you… seeing you smile and knowing that I could make you smile… that became the most wonderful thing in the world for me. As long as you're safe and happy… as long as you continue to exist, there isn't any danger or pain that's too much for me."
Erwin forced his breathing to remain steady, even as hot tears leaked from his tightly shut eyes, running over the bridge of his nose and soaking into the dirty fabric beneath his cheek. He couldn't speak, he could barely breathe, but he was grateful. Not for her words- they felt like a punch to the stomach, a guilt that threatened to crush him- but for her strength. She was so strong, holding up not just herself but him as well… just like Mike had done. His hand tightened in the fabric of her shirt as that band of guilt and grief tightened around his chest.
~o0o~
It felt like he'd only closed his eyes for a few seconds, but judging by the shade of sunlight in the room, he must have dozed off for an hour at least. He was still on the couch, long limbs contorted uncomfortably, but the warm lap that had served as his pillow had been replaced with a dark green cloak. Shifting slightly so that he no longer rested all his weight on his stump, the top of his head brushed against something solid. Thomasin was still sitting there, her leg brought up to her chest so that her cheek could rest on her knee. She noticed him move, her entire body going stiff as she straightened. If she'd stayed still, he probably wouldn't have noticed it, that glint. He froze, still on his back, eyes trained on blade in her hand.
"You, uh… what…. Whatcha got there…?" Sighing, she relaxed once more, curling up into herself.
"Knife." Yes, he could see that. He opened his mouth, but it took a long moment before any sound came out.
"…why?"
"…security." She flicked her wrist, the knife flashing as she shifted from a forward to a reverse grip, back and forth. "I don't use it; it just makes me feel better having it on me…" Frowning, Erwin sat up, turning to face her. He wanted to say something comforting, to apologize for… everything, but something caught his attention. Not the blade, gilded with sunlight, but the handle, the wood darkened and worn smooth with age. He'd seen it not all that long ago.
"That's Levi's knife."
"Yeah."
"Where did you get it?" The flicking stopped but her fingers continued shifting.
"…from Levi." She turned her head to face him, incredulity furrowing her brows. "What, did you think I stole it?" He remained silent, but that was still the wrong answer. "If I had a different knife, I'd stab you. He let me borrow it."
"When?" Levi hadn't gone to Calaneth, and he doubted the lieutenant stopped her on her way upstairs just to lend her a knife.
"About a month ago. When you were still recovering." She could have said anything else, and it probably wouldn't have thrown Erwin for as much of a loop as that.
"Wh-why would he lend you a knife back then?" Surely he couldn't have anticipated the government coming down on them that early? Thomasin's hand stilled, fingers tightening around the wooden handle.
"I…" She swallowed hard. "I wasn't sleeping well back then. Stress, I guess. This… this was his way of helping. It's not ultra-hardened steel, but it'll do in a pinch." Erwin's stomach plummeted as he recalled her crying in her sleep. How many times did Levi, who slept as lightly as he did, awaken to the same sound? He imagined the shorter man handing his wife a weapon as she stood vigil over his unconscious body, a grim however well-intentioned security blanket to fend off nightmares of Titans. He sighed deeply, slumping over as his entire body suddenly felt very heavy.
"Seems like Levi's better at protecting you than I am without even intending to…" Thomasin frowned.
"He didn't do anything, though."
"He gave you a weapon to keep you safe. I couldn't even do that."
" 'To'-" She lowered her leg and sat up straight, drawing the knife away from him as though hoping to protect it from his slander. "Are you crazy!? I didn't use this thing! I promised I'd keep it clean. If I got blood on it, that dwarf would break my arms!" That was a bit of an exaggeration- Levi could be anal about keeping his belongings clean, but he would be the first to dirty everything from his clothes to his hands if it meant keeping someone safe. But the way she spoke…
"So… you didn't use that knife to kill anyone?" Her incredulous offense slipped from her face like water from glass, leaving a blank that gave him nothing to decipher in its place.
"Why would you bring that up? Why would you want to talk about such unpleasant things?"
"You don't think that's something I should know?" Erwin pressed. "I'm not upset-"
"Why would you be upset- I didn't do anything wrong." An edge creeped into her voice, almost as sharp as the one she held. "They got what they deserved. I know what the Military Police do to people; I'm not you."
I'm not stupid. I'm not ignorant. I'm not naive.
"Thomasin…" She sat the knife down on the cushions on her left side, taking his hand in both of hers. Her fingers felt warmer now.
"Don't worry about it. You're always looking for things to worry about, Erwin, but this doesn't need to be one of them. We're both safe now, and Dok gave me his word that none of this is going to bother you any more."
"Bother me? What about you?" She groaned slightly, her gaze falling away from his as her grip on his hand slackened.
"He said there's no official record, but that doesn't mean shit. I mean, what happened happened; unless I get some of the king's amnesia water, I can't undo that. Thank god Mrs. Dempsey is half deaf, so she probably didn't hear anything, but I'm pretty sure people still would've seen the MPs dragging dead bodies out of my house." Her face paled as much as her complexion would allow. "Oh god, I hope they covered them up good… Oh god, I hope they picked them up right away! The smell… my tub's probably filled with maggots…" She stiffened, glancing back up as though she had completely forgotten Erwin was there, staring at her with increasing unease. When she smiled at him again, it did nothing to put him at ease.
"Don't worry about it, sweetie. It's… this is my problem. I can handle this." Erwin blinked hard, mentally shaking his head to clear it. Oh, he didn't like any of this conversation, but his discomfort was unimportant.
"Thomasin, you must be mad if you think I'm letting you live in that slaughterhouse after all that's happened."
"I have to," she argued. "I have animals to take care of. I have to clean up and look for another job- I'm pretty sure I've been fired for a week, and my rent's not gonna pay itself."
" 'Fired'? You've been in hiding from a corrupt shadow government that wanted to torture you to get at me. I think that's grounds for a little time off." This time, he gripped her hand, mindful of the bruises and cuts on her palms. "I'll get everything sorted out for you. That's the least I can do after putting you through all this."
000000000
It seemed to become an unofficial rule that, whenever Thomasin resided in the Survey Corps headquarters, she had to work. It wasn't because she needed to earn her keep; she just so happened to have skills they desperately needed. Someone with both medical knowledge and a military background was rare. That military background involving Titans was all but unheard of, which was why, when Levi presented the case, Erwin would not take "no" for an answer. It had to be done now- Historia would be ascending the throne in less than a week, and once she was formally crowned, she would be relocated to the royal palace in Mitras. For the next five days, however, she was still a soldier, and still required to appear when her commander summoned her.
Erwin's office wasn't exactly small, but the additional chairs left it far more crowded. Hange could barely sit still, jittering so much it looked almost like they were having a fit. Erwin couldn't blame them. If he still had his right fingers, they'd be tapping uncontrollably. Eren and Historia were still, staring at the contents of the small black box in disbelief.
"How…?" the young girl asked. "I thought they were all destroyed?"
"Kenny swiped one," Levi told her, his tone almost bored. "He was gonna use it on himself, but I guess he realized he didn't wanna be any uglier or dumber than he already was. 'Course, if what those swine from the Assembly say is true, it might not have even worked on him…" Thomasin had been regarding the case, her expression almost as bored as Levi's voice, but her head jolted up.
" 'Kenny'?" she asked, something odd in her eyes, her tone. Levi remained silent, his lips pressed into a thin line as he gave a single, curt nod. That seemed to be all the answer she was looking for. Erwin assumed his lieutenant was talking about Kenny Ackerman, the captain of the Anti-Personnel Squad, but he honestly didn't care.
"So… this is what the Royal family uses to become Titans…"
"My dad…" Eren's voice was quiet, unsure. "My dad had the same kind of needle. I remember him sticking me with it. It looked just like this one."
"He must have stolen one from the Reisses as well." Thomasin frowned slightly, her eyes narrowing.
"…it looked just like this, you said?"
"Y-yeah… I mean, I think. I'm pretty sure. It was dark." She reached out, her hand hovering over the case as she looked to Erwin.
"May I?" He nodded- this was why she was here, after all. Delicately, she removed the syringe from its velvet pillow, bringing it up to her eye line. She turned it this way and that, pulling out the depressor and examining it as well before plunging it back in. Bringing it up to her ear, she tapped barrel, her frown deepening.
"What? What is it?" She set the syringe back in its proper place.
"This-" she pointed at it with both pointer fingers "-is not medical equipment. This is jewelry. Most syringes are made of copper and glass. Fancy ones, the ones they use in Wall Sina, are made of iron. This? This is made of silver. It's engraved. The barrel is lead crystal."
"How do you know that?" Levi asked, damn near incredulous.
"Because it doesn't sound like glass. Listen." She grabbed it again, holding it up, and flicked her nail against it. A very quiet, but distinctly high pitched ting resonated. "This is not some mass produced instrument put together on an assembly line- this was hand-crafted by someone very skilled. And they didn't make just one. They made multiple of these, and probably have been since the Walls went up, maybe even before." Erwin's eyes widened.
"So you think we can trace this back to someone?"
"Multiple people, probably. Craftsmen usually specialize in one aspect of creation- the person painting the picture generally doesn't carve the frame. This thing comes in its own little custom case! It's lined with velvet! It's made of a wood I've never even seen before! I don't think some hoity-toity lordling was making these in his basement; rich people don't have practical skills." He nodded slowly.
"We'll take it to jewelers, carpenters- see if they can't find some identifying marks. Well, that's one aspect of this examined; now we can focus on the other." Hange squealed in such a high tone it was a miracle the syringe didn't shatter.
"Finally! The interesting subject!" They scooted their chair around Levi to get closer to the young pair, teeth bared in something too feral to be considered an actual smile. "Tell me what happened with the other vial. Tell. Me. Everything." Historia swallowed hard, edging away from the researcher.
"I- I already told you everything. I threw the syringe on the ground and broke it, then I… threw my father… I think he sucked some of it up from off the ground while I was trying to unlock Eren."
"And when he transformed, was it instantaneous?"
"I think so," Eren muttered. "I saw him dragging himself on the ground with his arms, and then the next thing I know, there was a flash and… that Titan was getting bigger." Hange clutched their hands to their heart, pure delight on their face.
"Ah, I remember that… the earth itself split open, like it was giving birth to that beautiful creation. I can only imagine what it would have looked like if Historia had turned into it."
"I'm wondering that, too." Thomasin's voice was not nearly as cheerful. "You said that thing was twice the size of the Colossal?"
"At least," Levi quipped.
"And this Lord Reiss turned into that after being exposed to… less than a mouthful, let's be honest; have you ever tried to lap up liquid with your tongue? You are not getting that much in your mouth." She turned her chair, leaning slightly over Eren to hold the syringe out to Historia. "Sweetie, how full was that syringe?" The young girl looked up at her, either taken aback by the odd question, or else, the term of endearment. Swallowing, she placed her finger at a point a little less than a third of the way up. Thomasin adjusted her grip so that she held it at that point, holding it up for them all to see.
"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's more than a mouthful. If one lick of that stuff made a Titan twice as tall as the Walls… what would have happened with a full vial?" A horrified silence filled the air as the implication dawned on them. Erwin recalled watching trees and brush and grass burst into flames as Lord Reiss' Titan dragged itself past. Something twice, three times as large could potentially set their entire, tiny world ablaze. Levi pointed at the vial, still sitting innocuously in the case.
"And that's probably the same thing. So if anybody ends up taking a full dose, they're probably going to end up destroying the Walls and everyone inside them…"
"Hey now, don't jump to such pessimistic conclusions!" Hange waggled a disapproving finger at him. "We don't know that's what would happen. It's possible that it was just the delivery system that was wrong. After all, different kinds of medicines have to be taken differently, right Thomasin?" She startled, not expecting to be called upon, but nodded.
"Right. Things absorb through your mouth much faster than they do in the rest of your body. That's why you're not supposed to chew pills… but why you absolutely chew pills if you want that shit to kick in-"
"Oi, don't teach these brats how to get high." She seemed to have forgotten she was in mixed company, offering the recruits an apologetic smile.
"Don't do drugs, kids." She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Not until you're older-"
"Oi!" Ignoring the fact that his wife was inadvertently teaching his soldiers how to most effectively take illegal substances, Erwin focused on the less horrifying information that had been laid out.
"So it's entirely possible that, despite ingesting less than a full dose, the delivery method made it more potent?" He eyed the small vial, innocuously snuggled in its velvet bed as though it weren't the catalyst that would turn them into mindless, flesh-eating monsters. "What kind of liquid nightmare is this…?"
"I…" Historia's voice was so quiet, they almost didn't hear her. "I think I might have an idea. When my father told me to eat Eren, he specified that all I really needed to do was 'ingest his spinal fluid'." They all but gaped at her. If Hange's eyes grew any wider, they were going to fall out of their skull.
"Just like the weak spot…" they whispered reverently, a wide grin curling their lips. "Oh yeah; it's all coming together… What do you think, Thomasin?" She shrugged, her shoulders sagging right along with the rest of her body.
"I mean, it could be. That vial's opaque; it could be Titan cum for all we know."
"Titans don't have reproductive organs."
"How do you know? Titans don't turn into walls or control other Titans, either. Maybe there's some master Titan whose entire job it is to just be milked like a bull to facilitate the creation of new Titans." Everyone in the room recoiled in disgust, sans Hange of course, who looked as though an amazing new revelation had been revealed.
"You're right. We can't afford to leave any option off the table." Pushing themselves to their feet, the bespectacled soldier marched around the desk, standing behind Thomasin and grabbing her shoulders. The dark woman visibly stiffened, but Hange paid her discomfort no mind. "You're gonna help me run tests on this vial-"
"No..."
"-and then, you're gonna help me run tests on Eren."
"No, please..."
"Good news, Eren; a nurse with actual training is going to be drawing your blood from now on!"
"I don't wanna do this…"
"Tough titties," Levi snapped, "you don't have a choice." Eren and Historia both flinched at his sharp tone even though his words weren't directed at them… this time. He'd probably said something very similar to them both in the past. Thomasin, however, was not nearly as easily cowed.
"The fuck I don't. You always have a choice. I could just not do anything; what would you do then?"
"Cut that other leg off."
"Well, enjoy using it to draw samples; it probably knows more about all this than you ever will, tiny." Levi opened his mouth, probably to issue another threat, but Erwin cut him off.
"Please, Thomasin." His voice was quiet and even, more a demand than a request, but when she looked in his eyes, she could surely see the silent plea contained therein. "You understand more about physiology than any of the Scouts, and more about Titans than any doctor. We need you. Humanity needs you." Thomasin remained silent, but the words her quickly chilling gaze spoke were loud and clear- if there weren't recruits here, I'd deck you in that smart-assmouth of yours… Taking a slow, deep, calming breath, she nodded tersely.
"Since humanity needs this so much, I suppose I can try to help. You are going to have to reimburse me for my time, though; the satisfaction of being needed is not going to pay my rent or buy me groceries."
"I'll send a letter to Premier Zachary regarding the situation at once." Erwin offered her a small smile. "Thank you for this, dearest." She didn't return his smile, bitter annoyance twisting her lips as she grumbled under her breath.
"Don't get your hopes up- I know less about all this than any of you…"
000000000
A/N- GUESS WHO'S BACK? BACK AGAIN! Seriously, the amount of guilt I've felt these past few months for not posting has been overwhelming. As much as I have tried to take a break from this hobby, it has been haunting me. I was hoping to be completely done with the story by the time I started posting again, but as you will soon see, that just wasn't possible. Not for lack of trying- I have been writing as much as I physically and mentally could, but unfortunately both of those conditions have been deteriorating with time. That being said, I have four months worth of chapters done- that's an update every week for the next 16 weeks and I'm still writing, so hopefully I'll be able to catch up. And if not… well, y'all know I'm good for updates after hiatuses. This is turning out to be WAY longer than I ever anticipated, which is saying something since my last long fic was a 4 part series that ended up being over a million words. Also, don't get used to the Monday posting; my internet was acting up yesterday. The updates going forth will be on Sunday as usual.